Clash of Legends

[r@yQu@3z-nine-three]

This is just a test. Just want to see if I got any abillity to write fanfics.

Clash of Legends
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When the land of Hoenn was still young, and man didn't invented Pokéballs yet, something happened that will change the course of life forever. Two Pokémon, long thought to exist only in ancient legends, awakened and started to reterraform Hoenn. Someone must awaken a third beast, an emerald dragon said to stop the destruction, but who? This is the story of Gray Cuaza, a poor peasant, who, according to ancient prophecies, could save the world.......or destroy it.
(Yes it's short, but I'm still working on it)

How's that for an opening chapter? Please comment.

Ideas? Suggestions? Please post them here.

 

[Godslayer]

When the land of Hoenn was still young, and man didn't invented Pokéballs yet, something happened that will change the course of life forever. Two Pokémon, long thought to exist only in ancient legends, awakened and started to reterraform Hoenn. Someone must awaken a third beast, an emerald dragon said to stop the destruction, but who? This is the story of Gray Cuaza, a poor peasant, who, according to ancient prophecies, could save the world.......or destroy it.

Let me edit to adress some awkward turn of phraes within

When the land of Hoenn was still young, before the advent of mans dominion over Pokemon, something happened that would change the course of a peoples life forever. Two beasts rose from slumber and began to remake the land of Hoenn by their own conflicting hands. A third beast must be awakened, the prophets intoned, an emerald dragon said to stop the destruction, but whom would take on such a task? This is the tale of Gray Cuaza, a poor peasant, who, according to the prophets of his long gone day, could save the world...or through inaction destroy it.

***

I adressed some phraseology and fixed some tense issues, reinforced the fact that this is so long ago that they didnt even have ancient myths and were infact making them, and spiced it up a bit overall.

The whole chosen one thing is sort of an uber cliche as well, but I'll leave it up to you whether you want to somehow work around such an overused idea or simply plow into it.

 

[r@yQu@3z-nine-three]

Ok, thanks.
Here's the new opening chapter:

Groudon & Kyogre. What were they? They were long thought to be legend, until recently. Groudon raised land, while Kyogre flooded mesas. It was said they wreaked havoc on the people of Hoenn before, thousands of years ago. But why? This is what we shall find out.

It all started at the time when pokéballs weren't invented yet - the time when high-powered battles didn't exist. Man & Pokémon were lifetime partners. They didn't need to train. There were now teams bent on the quest for power. Life was just simple, as it was when it was created.

It was supposed to be the end of summer on the village of Littleroot. It was time to harvest the crop. But something was wrong. The sun was still burning with vigor. The crops were wilting. Something was out of place.

___________________________________________

The whole chosen one thing is sort of an uber cliche as well, but I'll leave it up to you whether you want to somehow work around such an overused idea or simply plow into it.

You right. got rid of it.

 

[RaZoR LeAf]

Chapters are meant to be a poage on Word MINIMUM. Not fill the reply box minimum. Come back when you've found the missing 5000 words.

 

[r@yQu@3z-nine-three]

Chapters are meant to be a poage on Word MINIMUM. Not fill the reply box minimum. Come back when you've found the missing 5000 words.

Guess that means I'm no good at writing fanfics. Thanks anyway.