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Colony 9.0 [One-shot][PG]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Treecko's Awesomeness, Jan 6, 2012.

  1. Treecko's Awesomeness

    Treecko's Awesomeness Treecko is claimed!

    Why hello there! This is Treecko’s Awesomeness, or TA for short, and welcome to my second fic. Some of you might have read, or at least seen the title of while scrolling through Serebii’s fan fiction section, my other one, The Nova Travels. I feel like I’ve improved as a writer quite a bit since starting it, and hopefully it will show here. First a few bits of information about this story.

    1. For those of you expecting my usual brand of crappy comedy, sorry, but it’s not happening here. This fic’s more serious in tone, and won’t include jokes like the ones I’ve filled The Nova Travels with.

    2. This story is NOT in the same set of cannon as The Nova Travels. Pokémon and Humans cannot communicate here, etcetera, etcetera, and there is no reason to transfer any ideas here into The Nova Travels, or vice versa.

    3. This is a two part fic. The second set of dashes signifies the break between parts, mainly distinguished by a change in time.

    4. No, it's not scientifically accurate. Neither is anything else in this fandom. Don't bug me about it.

    5. This fic is rated PG, mostly for implied character death and death in general.

    6. Disclaimer. As you've probably guessed, I do not own Pokémon or anything associated with it, or I wouldn't be here writing this right now.

    Colony 9.0

    A pink catlike creature floated around a metal room full of levers and buttons, pressing one button with his arm while seeming to pull a lever down with an unseen force from his mind. The most distinctive feature of the room, an enormous window, showed an amazing view of stars, planets, galaxies and all sorts of celestial bodies suspended in the blackness of space. While the Mew checked the readings of several gauges, another Pokémon quite similar to himself entered through a doorway from a long corridor.

    “Captain,” said the Mew, clearly female from the sound of her voice. “We are approaching a planet that shows signs of habitability.” While the two were quite capable of communicating through telepathy, it was considered much more polite to engage in the practice of audible speech when possible, as one's own voice was used. “Should we perform a scan?”

    The Captain looked thoughtfully at the blue, green and brown orb that was now visible in the window. “I don’t see why not. It’s fairly obvious that the planet contains water and plant life from the surface colors, but it couldn’t hurt.”

    “Yes sir,” the female Mew said as she left the room, leaving the Captain to gaze back at the planet through his window, remembering his youth back on his home planet.

    The ship that the Pokémon were on was a colony ship from the planet Pokémera, containing several hundred thousand Mew, passengers and crew. It was habitable, but small, and with very little biological diversity. The only animal species able to survive on the globe were Pokémon, from where the planet got its name. Another issue the cradle of this species had was a lack of radiation due to a thick atmosphere and a small sun. This may not seem like an issue at first thought. In fact, it could usually be seen as an asset, and could very well be one, if it were not for the nature of the Pokémon species.

    In their natural state, all Pokémon are quite similar. The pink felids commonly known as Mew are in such a state. When exposed to even a small bit of radiation, however, they change dramatically. They adapt to their surroundings, becoming whatever they need to in order to survive and thrive. While on their home planet of Pokémera, they had no way of knowing this. They did, however, know that they had a strong yearning for the stars. When the ultimate goal of interplanetary (and eventually interstellar) travel was achieved, they discovered this ability to change. It became their goal to colonize as many planets as they could, so as to create new forms, and let them travel once again to new stars. Pokémon were still fairly new at colonization, and had colonized exactly eight worlds. One was known as the Elgyem Colony, where the majority of the Mews had mutated into a teal colored creature with several gems on its forehead, “evolving” into a more tan Pokémon known as Beheeyem. The Pokémon of that colony continued to travel among the stars, as did the Clefa colony, and the twin colonies of Solrock and Lunatone.

    “Captain,” said the same female Mew, breaking the Captain’s train of thought. “We have completed the scan, and the results…You’ll have to see for yourself.”

    The Captain nodded. He drifted out of the control room, and into the laboratory located next door for convenience. Once again, he was perfectly capable of teleportation, but physical movement was more proper. The lab was full mainly of dials, screens, and gauges, but several tubes of strange substances in vials and tubes were also scattered around the metal tables. Like the rest of the ship, it was made completely of steel. Several Mews were gathered around one particular wall mounted monitor. It had a series of symbols and graphs on it that would be completely nonsensical to anyone untrained in the language of Pokémon, in addition to a three dimensional rotating globe of the planet. The Captain and scientists seemed to be mesmerized by the readings on the screen.

    “These levels of radiation,” One of the scientists mumbled, “They would allow mutation not only into one or two varieties, but thousands… But they’re impossible with the atmosphere and sun of the planet. …”

    “The problem with that reasoning,” the Captain answered, “is that you’re assuming that the radiation is coming from the planet’s sun.”

    “Well where else would it come from?” asked the female Mew that had summoned the Captain to the lab.

    “Zoom in on the planet,” the Captain ordered. Aim for the elongated island chain on the west side of the largest ocean.” One of the scientists nodded and typed in a command on a row of symbols across the bottom of the screen. The globe stopped rotating and grew larger, the edges moving off of the screens edges, leaving only the small island chain visible. “Closer. Head for the center of the southeastern coast of the largest island.” The scientist seemed confused, but nodded again and zoomed in farther, until the view showed only a few square miles of area.

    What are we supposed to be seeing, Captain?” the scientist finally asked. “All I can see is a strange rock formation.”

    “Is it a rock formation?” the Captain asked. “Look again.”

    The entire room looked on in silence. After a moment, on scientist gasped. “Captain, you can’t be suggesting…”

    “I think that you understand exactly what I’m suggesting.” The Captain indicated with his hand the ‘rock formation’ on the screen. The strange aspect of it was the fact the ‘rocks’ were not only nearly perfect rectangles, but were also parallel to each other’s edges. “This ‘rock formation’ is not a rock formation at all. It is a city.” The Mews around the room let out a collective gasp.

    “Are you insinuating that this planet had intelligent life?” the female Mew asked. “Throughout our travels we have never found any life beyond with intelligence beyond the level of pack hunters. You’re saying that now we’ve discovered a civilization? How did you know that the city was there in the first place? And what does this have to do with the radiation levels?”

    “As for your first question, no. I am insinuating that this planet has intelligent life. It’s highly unlikely that an entire species of highly adaptable animals could go extinct before their homes could deteriorate completely. They would have most likely moved into caves and holes to avoid whatever disaster threatened their existence. They would be kept safe for longer than the short amount of time that it would take for their architectural creations to crumble.

    “As for how I guessed the location of the city,” he continued, “I knew that whatever species lives on this planet would gather along the coast. These islands are spacious enough to support a fairly large civilization, but small enough to allow trade throughout. The area we have focused on is sheltered by two small peninsulas, sheltering the city form weather and invasion. The radiation levels would have been unachievable by the sun’s ultraviolet rays, meaning that they came from another source. The most likely source of radiation is an artificial nuclear reactor. Clearly, there was an accident with the reactors, as it seems that the entire species was forced out of civilization. It’s strange though. The meltdown here must have been simultaneous with meltdowns all over the world.”

    “Why do you say that?” the female Mew asked.

    “Because,” One of the scientists answered, “They would have received assistance from other nations in the event of an accident. Simultaneous nuclear meltdowns worldwide are nearly impossible, though. What could have caused them?”

    “Maybe,” the Captain answered, “They weren’t using the reactors for energy.”

    The entire room cocked their heads in confusion. “What else would they using them for?” One scientist finally answered. “They generate radiation, but almost every animal we’ve encountered is damaged by it. Unless they’re like us, then power would be their only use for a reactor. Even if they were using it to generate radiation, though, that wouldn’t make a worldwide meltdown any more likely.”

    “Think about it,” the Captain answered. “The only way for all of the reactors to detonate would be if they wanted them to.”

    “But no one would want to detonate a reactor!” the female interrupted. “It would kill thousands of people!”

    “Then we can assume that was their intention,” the Captain said grimly. “The species we’re dealing with is murderously violent. They were launching the reactors at each other as weapons. They were willing to kill those thousands of people to achieve their own selfish goals.”

    “Captain!” shouted another Mew, floating briskly into the lab. “We found an artificial satellite! It was holding data from a civilized alien species! This planet harbored intelligent life! We’ve even been able to decode most of their language!”

    “As I suspected,” the captain said as he nodded. “What did you learn about them?”

    “That’s the bad news, sir,” the Mew answered. “The species called themselves humans, and their planet Earth. They destroyed their entire species and most of the life on their Earth with nuclear weapons. They were attempting to wipe each other out. They don’t seem to live on the planet anymore, however. These humans must have succeeded in their global suicide.”

    “Think about that some more,” the Captain told him. “Even if the weapons destroyed every settlement on the planet, it’s unlikely that not a single small human population survived in a cave. Scientists, scan for carbon based life on the planet, and filter results to include creatures similar to the ones you saw in the satellite data.”

    “Right away, sir,” the messenger answered. With the help of one of the lab workers, he typed in another command into the row of symbols at the bottom of the monitor. A page of text came up. “They’re living in the ruins, sir,” the messenger answered with a gulp.

    “So what do we do?” asked one of the scientists.

    “It’s simple,” the Captain said. “We look for a habitable planet elsewhere. These…things are too dangerous. There are some of them still alive, and there’s no way we can coexist with them. They’ll end up trying to kill us, and we’ll have to leave anyway.”

    “But we can’t!” the female blurted out. “It’s taken almost two hundred years to reach this planet! It would take two hundred more to find another habitable one! We’ll be too old to build the colony! The entire mission would be a failure!”

    “I told you,” the Captain growled. “There’s no way to survive alongside these monsters!”

    “There is a way!” the female answered. “We just have to find it! They deserve a second chance, just like anyone! We can help them! We can teach them!”

    “A second chance to what?” the Captain replied with a shout. “To kill off another species?”

    “No!” the female shouted back. “To keep themselves alive! If we leave them now, they’ll all die!”

    “Ask yourself,” the Captain muttered quietly, gazing at the floor. “Would that really be a bad thing?”

    “Yes.” The female Mew looked into the Captains eyes. “It would. We discovered that we aren’t alone in the universe, and you want to let them die? If we do that, are we truly any better than them?”

    “Do you understand the consequences this would have?” the Captain asked, more in disbelief than anger at this point. “We can establish our ninth colony on any habitable planet in the galaxy, but you want to place it in the only one we’ve found with hostile life on it?”

    The female nodded. “I understand the consequences perfectly. The decision isn’t up to me though, or you either for that matter. The reason we’ve gotten this far is because of democracy. The decision goes to the entire ship. We’ll explain the situation, and they can decide whether or not they want to stay.”

    “Fine,” the Captain said. “We’ll see how many more of us have a death wish.”

    -- -- --​

    “Attention, colonists,” the Captain said into the microphone. This would carry his voice throughout the ship. “We have discovered a habitable planet, and will need to make a democratic decision on whether to land.” Even from the lab far below the residential level of the ship, the Captain could hear the jubilant cheer of the ship’s passengers who had spent two hundred years in the cold ship, breathing recycled air.

    “This is not the only news, however,” the Captain continued. “We have discovered an alien civilization on this planet as well.” He waited a moment for this news to set in. “We believe this civilization to be hostile, and have evidence that they have used weapons of mass destruction to kill off fellow members of their species. If you believe that we can live alongside the hostile creatures without danger, feel free to opt for colonization here. If, however, you feel that such a relationship between our species is impossible, please consider supporting a continuation of our voyage.”

    The captain looked at the monitor, which now displayed a chart. The passengers of the ship were psychically adding their numbers to one of the two bars that were growing on the screen. The captain concentrated, as did the other Pokémon in the room, adding their own votes to the graph. While a blue bar on the right stayed fairly small, the orange bar on the left shot up at a rapid speed, causing the range of the graph to be continuously recalculated. It was at this point ten times the size of the blue one. The Captain smirked while the female Mew who had originally summoned him to the lab looked on in desperation.

    “Wait!” the female finally called. The captain looked at her. “You haven’t given the passengers the full story! I demand you let me give an announcement with all the information they need to know!”

    The Captain grimaced. If he allowed this ignorant fool to announce all the data they had gathered, she could blow the entire colonization project, and get them all killed if things went too wrong. But she did have the right to tell the passengers what she wanted to. And they had the right to know. “Fine,” the captain conceded, glaring at the floor. “If you need to tell them, go ahead. Just know that what you say over that microphone could destroy two civilizations. I hope you understand the impact that you could have.”

    “I understand it perfectly,” the female answered, drifting towards the microphone. Activating it, she began to speak.

    “Colonists!” she said. “I am speaking to you now because your captain has not told you all of the information you need to make a decision! The species on this planet is vicious. I won’t argue with that. But what the Captain did not mention is that they are going extinct!” As the Mew said this, both bars on the monitor stopped moving up. “In this war, they destroyed all of their own cities. Only a few of them are still alive, taking shelter in the rubble of their homes. If we leave them here, they will, without a doubt, die. Abandoning a people in need, and the only other form of intelligent life we’ve found, no matter how vicious, would make us no better than them!” The female Mew stopped to breath. As she did, she chanced a glimpse at the monitor. The large blue bar began slowly shrinking. As it did, the smaller orange bar began to grow at the same rate. The female began to smile, as her expression of horror traveled across to room to the ship’s captain.

    “No…” he mumbled. “But these…these things… They’ll kill us all!”

    The orange bar was now one fourth the size of the blue one, and still growing steadily.

    “We can help them!” the female answered. “They can’t hurt us now! They have nothing to harm us with!”

    The orange bar was one third the size of the blue one.

    “We can’t hurt them either!” the Captain shouted. “We don’t have any weapons outside of our own natural abilities!”

    One half.

    “We’ve never needed weapons, and we won’t need them now!” the female replied. “We can wipe their memories! They won’t know anything but us!”

    Two thirds.

    “It doesn’t matter!” the Captain screamed in frustration. “Their instinct is to kill anything they see as a threat! Another intelligent species won’t be acceptable to them!”

    Three fourths.

    “Then we won’t be another intelligent species to them! We’ve never needed the luxuries of urban life before! The entire passenger deck is a forest! We can pose as animals, and they’d never know the answer!”

    Nine tenths.

    “We can’t survive with these things! They’ll murder us without a second thought! Being animals won’t prevent that!”

    The bars were equal in size.

    “Then at least we’ll have died knowing that we did the right thing, instead of flying across the galaxy dealing with the fact that we could have prevented their death!”

    The orange bar had surpassed the blue bar in size. The Captain looked at the graph in despair as the triumphant female smiled. They looked on in silence, both that of victory and defeat, as the blue bar gradually disappeared, leaving only a speck at the bottom, the orange bar slackened to a halt.

    “It can’t be…” the Captain murmured.

    The bars both came to a complete stop. “The results of the vote are as follows,” the computer’s voice said, broadcasting it across the ship. “For the option to colonize: thirty five million, twenty two thousand, four hundred twenty five votes. For the option to continue: one vote. The winner is to colonize. The landing pods will be departing in twenty four hours. Please make any preparations necessary.”

    “You…” the Captain growled. “You…you doomed us all. All of you can live among these monsters. You may change, become whatever it is this planet will support, but I won’t. I won’t let myself change. I’ll hold my cells together.”

    “Captain!” the female said. “Be reasonable! That would be almost impossible! You would have to use all your power just to keep them as they are! You could even keep yourself from aging, but you would be in constant pain!”

    “I don’t care!” the captain screamed. “I won’t let this hellish planet change me! I’ll live forever in this form! It doesn’t matter what agony I’d go through, I refuse to die on this world, whether through natural causes or mutating to something besides myself!”


    “You will not speak to me!” the captain roared. “You have done this! You have destroyed us!”

    “Very well, captain,” the female answered. She left the lab, most likely to assist the passengers into their respective landing pods. They would be scattered across the globe to ensure the largest number of establishments.

    The Captain would go down in his own pod. There was no reason to stay on the ship anymore. He grimly moved out of the lab into the control room. As he closed the door behind him, he entered a complex code into a keyboard on the ships control panel. The room vibrated, separating completely from the ship. As the pods were set to depart, there was no need to control the ship anymore. Looking across the icon of a globe on a screen in front of him, he tapped on an island near the equator of the planet, north of a deeply forested area. It seemed like a place far away from anywhere that those vile humans would visit. The ship made a sharp turn, aiming for the island that the Captain had indicated. No human would touch him here. He could be at peace.

    -- -- --​

    The vile humans had found him. He had managed to survive for more than five hundred years, but the rest of his true species were destroyed. They survived only as mutated versions of themselves, guiding the humans to rebuild their old civilization, and their old wars. They had wiped the memories of humans, but over time seemed to have forgotten who they were themselves. They acted as animals, inferior to the native savages. The native animals of the planet had all gone extinct due to competition from the alien newcomers.

    The Ex-Captain simply called himself Mew now, as he was the only one left. The others had formed bonds with the humans, becoming their partners, even battling against their brethren in vicious competitions of fighting abilities. Mew would never succumb to that. They had found him, but failed to capture him. They caught only one of his hairs, but that was enough. They had cloned him, given him a son by none of his own will. He truly did see the creature as his son, despite the circumstances of his birth. Mewtwo, they called him. He had escaped the lab of his birth as a child and found his father, staying with him on his island for a long time. Through spending so much time with Mewtwo, Mew lessened his guard on his cells. Mew’s large capacity for mutation allowed Mewtwo and Mew to exchange genes. Mewtwo had shared some of his altered DNA with his father, granting him stabilized genes without the need for constant psychic conservation.

    Mew and his adopted child spent many years together on the island as father and son. Mewtwo grew to adulthood beside his father, growing a bond that seemed unbreakable. Mewtwo loved Mew, and Mew loved him back. Even his son had failed him, though. Seven years ago, he had been seduced by the allure of battle, joining with a “Trainer”, as the slave drivers called themselves. He had left his father for good. Now, he had nothing left. He spent his days alone, floating around the island. Today was another day like the others. He was gazing out at the sea, watching the waves. Suddenly, they were disturbed by a bouncing metal object flying towards the island at a breakneck speed. Mew gasped and dashed towards the shelter of the forest. As the boat pulled up to the shore, two figures became visible to Mew, hiding in the forest. One, a boy of about seventeen with white hair and a green outfit. The other, an old sailor in a traditional white and blue suit. Mew then saw a Pokémon, a Wingull to be exact, follow them from out of the cabin. He suddenly pulled farther back into the forest as he saw the boy hop off the boat into the surf.

    The boy apparently saw the rustling leaves where Mew had fled, as he dashed out of the tide and into the forest, Mew sprinting away. He was unable to outrun the boy, and the boy was gaining on him. He dashed off into a deeper part of the forest. It did nothing to deter the boy, however, as he continued smashing through the branches, gaining on his target. Mew dashed to his left in order to evade his pursuer. Only when he reached the cliff wall did he realize his mistake. There was no escape now.

    “Well,” the boy said in a friendly manor. “I guess you’re Mew, then. Sorry about that chase there. I’m Brendan.”

    Mew said nothing. Through telepathy, he could communicate with this human, but he didn’t want to risk letting such a dangerous creature get a glimpse into his mind. If he spoke audibly, the boy would only hear his own name.

    “So I guess you’re a little shy. I’m a trainer. Do you want to travel with me?”

    Still, Mew gave no response.

    “I guess I’ll have to battle you then. Go, Sceptile!” The boy threw a red and white ball at the earth. From it, a large flash of light appeared, revealing a tall green lizard.

    “Thank goodness,” Mew sighed, throwing caution to the wind. “You’ve got to save me! This human wants to kidnap me!”

    “He doesn’t!” the Sceptile said, shocked. “My trainer's my friend! He wouldn't do something mean like that!”

    “He’s your…friend?” Mew asked. “But…I just saw it! He had you held captive in that prison!”

    "It's not a prison," Sceptile said in confusion. "It's my house!"

    “Sceptile!” Brendan called. “Use False Swipe!”

    “We’re going to battle!” Sceptile said excitedly as the leaves on his arms glowed white. “This is gonna be fun!” He lunged at Mew, slashing at him with the white blades.

    Taken by surprise, Mew was unable to dodge. He was hit by the blades, and fell to the ground. “Why?” he murmured.

    That was all he had time to udder before Brendan threw the ball. It was black, white and yellow. It opened up at the center, dragging him inside of it. All he saw was a forest with a black dome covering it. “No…” he cried. He slammed himself into the side of the dome with all his remaining strength. “No! No! No!” It became obvious then that there was no escape. Mew curled up under a tree. It felt like a tree, anyway. But it wasn’t. None of them were real. Nothing was real anymore. He began to cry. While humans and Pokémon never had much in common, they both cried. Mewtwo had taught him that. Mewtwo… Abruptly, a thought of solace occurred to Mew. Maybe, if he was now in the possession of a Trainer, he could finally meet his son again. He hated the idea of being under a human’s control, hated the human who had done this to him, hated being forced to fight, and would continue to hate all these things. Mew hated and would always hate everything about this new life that had been forced upon him, but maybe…maybe this could have a positive effect as well.
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2012
  2. This was. . . incredible. only bad thing was i was listening to sad music at the same time as it explained our demise and i almost have tears in my eyes.

    Because truly, in my mind we are the worst species on Planet Earth.

    Not exactly crappy, but good to know you can write more serious topics with amazing skill.

    intriguining title, drew me in and this paragraph continued. Pokemon as very Intelligent, sentient beings on what i assumed a spaceship and was right. One thing here, how did humans know to call them Pokemon if they never were talked to by Pokemon? Or is that what the Humans call them and he is writing this post-being caught.

    I liked this for the explanation of abilities, and starts to hint at the discovery of humans.

    whoooole lot of explanation here, may want to change this to two paragraphs or something of the sort, i see now when i look closer this answers my Pokemon name question, so a Pokemon must have talked to a Human at one point. Also I like the idea of Pokemon being sentient aliens rather than animals.

    So this explains Ditto, and shows a-lot of insight into all of the different Pokemon.

    massive quote, but this was all amazing with the imagery it gave towards the conclusion that we blew ourselves sky-high with nuclear war-fare, though it doesn't say it yet, we know.

    can't resist, dun-dun duh! I like this, i have a feeling Pokemon are supporters of Nuclear power.

    I like the confusion, the idea must seem heinous to a Pokemon that weapons are neccassary.

    where i guessed, i was sadly correct. Wow im ripping on mankind alot in this review. This shows the foreshadowing fear, this made me believe that the Pokemon would bi-pass us and it would end by something along the lines of "an thus we missed out on wonderful friends in Pokemon.

    another thing, I'm questioning wether these are all Mews doing everything or other types of Pokemon, with only the Scientist and Captain it appears that all of them are Mew.

    Human self-esteem is dropping steadily from looking in the Captain's eyes. He seems to act like he has been through this before, maybe a paragraph here about the "Pack Animals" they discovered harming a colony he lived on would explain in some more detail why he reacts like this.

    All of the dialogue between these two is amazingly portrayed and written.

    This added a sense of finality which made me again believe they would bi-pass earth for greener, less Psychotic pastures.

    this adds desperation to explain the first few initial blue votes, which is great.

    nothing big, just after so long of her not speaking it confused me for a second, you may want to change She too, the Scientist.

    This leads me more to believe he has memories of a colony-gone-wrong deal.

    lot of information for one Paragraph, may be reason to shorten it but it seems fine as is, if you wanted to add more information definitely do a paragraph split In my honest opinion.

    now his stubbornness really comes into play. . .

    I thought for a moment 'duh, moves' then this was answered in perfect time.

    i liked the pacing of these and how it shot out every few moments

    this made me sad, his pre-conceived notions forced him into hiding, which is soon revealed he holds a grudge against for several years.

    *insert crazy grudge here*

    this was another section that made me deeply saddened, yet i think the part of Brendan's arrival might belong in it's own paragraph.

    this makes Sceptile appear to be brainwashed, I think False Swipe might be better here since Mew has never used his powers he would be too weak to fight after just one leaf blade and according to the game, too weak to catch but if you are following Anime rules Leaf Blade works great.

    My Sympathy for the little Pink Pokemon is crazy right now, he didn't deserve to be 'betrayed' like that, i wish Sceptile would have replied with something, like maybe 'he saw the triumphant smirk etched on his Foe's face, and he realized the brainwashing that his species had clearly endured' or something of that nature.

    Wow. Crazy, magnificent ending that made me want to know more so very badly. I would hope it isn't the Pokeball trying to settle his nerves, and that it's him understanding humans had finally changed.

    All in all this was a wonderful story, thank you for sharing. Keep up the Great Work!
  3. Gelatino95

    Gelatino95 Not a tool

    This is certainly an improvement from your normal writing style, no offense intended. I'm really not in the mood to write a detailed review, but here's what I have to say right now. You might want to try proofreading your work, since there were numerous errors such as missing quotation marks and mixed up words.

    Also, the story was very moving and I loved being able to understand what Mew was feeling after he had gone to Earth. The only problem with that part was that the ending sort of trailed off, mentioning Mewtwo. Now that I look back, I see that it was just a way of supporting the idea that Mew could possibly enjoy his life under the ownership of a trainer. However, I would have imagined Mew to take a stubborn attitude toward this and refuse to change his mind after being cynical towards humans for several hundred years.
  4. Treecko's Awesomeness

    Treecko's Awesomeness Treecko is claimed!

    Glad you liked it. Sorry you cried, but inspiring emotion, negative or positive, is the idea of most writing. This one was supposed to be sad, so I guess it worked!

    Almost. I take it you've never had a run in with an emu?

    Eh, comedy is usually crappy. I think this one-shot is more well written than The Nova Travels. I like the NT characters more, since they've had more time to develop, and I enjoy the plot of it more. The style of this one is more to my taste though, minus the lack of humor. NT's narrator, not me, by the way, although himself and others refer to him as The Author when i break the fourth wall, is a little too sarcastic for me. I like this narrator, mostly because he portrays the characters' opinions while still remaining neutral.

    In case you or anyone else didn't catch it, the title comes from the fact that there were eight previous colonies. I tend to portray them as sentient beings, as they're more fun to write than animals. Then again, I've only written two fics , including this one, so...yeah. More of a translation thing. If
    "kbuyf" means "hello" in gibberish, and a Gibberin is narrating, he's going to use
    the word "hello" so he doesn't confuse readers. I'd guess that the word the Mews use for Pokemon is more like "Mew! Mew mew!"

    This story has more headcannon than almost anything I've read.

    I think it'll work. It does include a lot of info, but it's definitely not the longest paragraph in the one-shot. Also, Pokemera is probably pronounced something like "Mew mew, mew mew mew!"

    In a convoluted, strange sort of way, I guess it does.

    Glad you liked it. I was able to put more imagery into this fic, mostly because NT kind of had me in a rut. That's one of the biggest reasons I took a break to write this one. I also thought I was able to put in some good foreshadowing if I do say so myself.

    You've got to remember, they're an entirely different species from an entirely different planet. As I said, Pokemon were the only animal species on their home planet. That means that they didn't compete with other animal species to become dominant. They also have psychic capabilities, meaning hostilities could be settled through communication, regardless of language. They wouldn't have much need for violence, and pacifism would become a social norm.

    Yep. Pretty much as explained above.

    We're really quite easy to rip on. If you read the description in my author's profile, it kind of gives away the fact that they stay, but still, the suspense seemed like a good thing to add in.

    They're all Mews. They haven't mutated, so they couldn't change into anything else.

    I think the Captain's past is best left to speculation. It would explain a few things, but I think that the mystery adds more to the story than an explanation would.

    Thanks. I liked the two characters' interactions as well. It kind of hurt a bit to fast forward five hundred years, as it meant killing off all but one of the characters.

    Hooray for pseudo-foreshadowing!

    I think you mean orange. Blue were votes to keep searching, orange was for staying.

    I'll do that, but she was referred to throughout the story as "the female" not the Scientist.

    Again, I'll leave that to speculation.

    As I said before, I'm keeping the paragraph lengths as they are. Some of them seem a bit long, but it was that way intentional.

    Yeah. He is very stubborn, isn't he?

    I actually missed that my first time through. Reading back over it, I literally facedesked.

    I thought that would be an interesting effect to try out.

    If by several, you mean more than 500, then yeah.

    Not that crazy a grudge when you think about it, considering the taboo acts of the human race, although his methods might have been a bit insane.

    I think you're right. I'll fix that.

    The Sceptile wasn't supposed to be brainwashed. He was just supposed to be a little dim. I'll rewrite it, as it does seem a bit brainwashy. And false swipe does seem more realistic. I'll change that too.

    But Sceptile wasn't really mean, or brainwashed. He thought battling was fun, and he assumed Mew thought the same. Pokemon didn't become brainwashed, they became less intelligent, and violent for the sake of sport.

    He didn't change his views on humans. He still hates them with all his heart. He just has a hope of finding Mewtwo now.

    Thanks for the review/ego food! 'Till next time!

    None taken! I agree with you. I'll definitely go back over it. Sorry, grammar has never been my strong suit.

    I guess I wasn't clear enough. Mew never stopped hating humans. He just wanted to see his son again. I'll try to edit a little more clarification on that in.

    Thanks to both of you for the reviews! 'Till next time!

  5. Gelatino95

    Gelatino95 Not a tool

    Funny you should say this, because I thought the captain in this story has almost as much characterization as the main characters of the Nova Travels.

    In this case, this is also a bit of an awkward ending since Mewtwo never played much of a role in the story. You used part of a paragraph to describe what happened between Mew and Mewtwo, but you never actually told us much of what Mew thought about this relationship. If anything, I would have thought that Mew would be spiteful toward Mewtwo for voluntarily leaving with a human.
  6. Treecko's Awesomeness

    Treecko's Awesomeness Treecko is claimed!

    Oh. I'm not really sure whether that's positive or negative.

    I guess I should have gone into more detail there. I did edit a bit more in about their relationship, but it really isn't the story's strong point.
  7. Dawn_Hero

    Dawn_Hero Written Insanity~

    Alright! So, to begin with, I'd just like to say that I think the concept you're bringing to the table is pretty unique and you're handling it rather well. I'm interested to see where this'll go from here. :3 As for a review, I'll warn you, mine can be semi long. xD I didn't add everything just because that'd take ages and I think smaller doses of constructive criticism accomplish more over time, but for now, here you go. I went off on tangents a few times, so... Yeah. Sorry. xD

    This is somewhat redundant - seeing as you say "While the Mew ..." the reader can easily figure out that you're talking about the aforementioned pink creature without you stating outright that the creature from before is, in fact, a Mew. ^^ I've caught myself doing the same thing several times, but it's something that can be taken out of a story for a smoother reading experience.
    Two things here:
    1) The "now clear to be female" part sounds a little off. Was it not clear before? If it's clear due to it speaking, then I think a less clunky way of phrasing it may be "said the Mew, clearly female from the sound of its voice," or something along those lines. Just a suggestion. :D You can ignore it if you want, but the phrasing is a little off.

    2) This line sort of threw me - I mean, to me at least, having someone speak directly into my head would be hella intimate. If they're super sentient creatures, why not? To me, this also came across as... I dunno. A way to insert quotation marks into their speech, if that makes sense. I guess it's neat thinking of the custom, but I guess I didn't get it just because it wasn't explained why it was more intimate or why they'd resort to something unnecessary.
    Unnecessary comma.
    You have a tendency to over-explain, I'm already starting to notice. I think this is a pretty common practice, especially during the beginning of a fic (lord knows my main journey fic suffered from it), but you should try and avoid stating the obvious to the readers when you can. I was reading something by Stephen King once when he was discussing his writing, and it was all about how at the beginning of his career he'd write so much and be so redundant that it could take two pages for him to write what he could sum up in a paragraph now. His editor, however, informed him that every single word, every single sentence, is supposed to contribute something new to the plot. If it's not necessary, don't add it, basically. This is incredibly difficult to do and I think everyone has issues with it, but now's a good opportunity to learn for you. :3

    In this scene, for example, the fix is easy: in the previous paragraph the (male?) Mew asked the female mew to perform a scan. Saying she left the room and following it up with "most likely to activate said scan" is redundant since that much is obvious.
    Sorry! I'm rambling and ranting. I go off on tangents. Q.Q
    This is an interesting concept, but it sort of jarred me from the story. It felt a little unnaturally integrated just because one second they're talking about performing a scan and the next second you're going into statistics of Mew on a spaceship leaving a planet I've never heard of. I really like where this is going and I'm enjoying the ideas you're bringing to the table, but instead, why not start off with the fact that Mew are yearning to reach for the stars and then segue from there to the fact they're in a spaceship heading for new planets to colonize? It may feel a bit more natural to the reader, but who knows. I could be wrong. :p
    This portion of the story suddenly has a lot of small sentences, each with an exclamation point following it. Try and vary sentence length, structure, and endings a bit, just because if it's like this a lot it can come across as a bit unnatural as well. :3
    So she wants to go down and visit with the species that tried to wipe themselves out 'cause the mission would be a failure if they didn't? :p Urgh... Poor thing. Maybe they'd be better off just going to a different planet. Lol.
    Another case of both redundancy (it engulfed him. He was sucked inside of it) and non-varied sentence structure - these last few paragraphs all have quite a few short sentences one after another. If you want to fix it up a bit, just try and combine some while possibly fleshing out others that might need it. You've got a great story going here, but if you expand on it a bit more I think it can really shine. :D

    Anyways, yeah. I really enjoyed your one-shot. Keep up the good work! :p
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2012
  8. Gelatino95

    Gelatino95 Not a tool

    It's a one-shot.
  9. Dawn_Hero

    Dawn_Hero Written Insanity~

    Oops. -_-" I knew that. Lol. My bad, my bad. Temporarily forgot it was during my review.
  10. Treecko's Awesomeness

    Treecko's Awesomeness Treecko is claimed!

    Why thank you very much! I always enjoy a little ego boost!

    Unfortunately, as this is a One-Shot, it won't be going anywhere. Sorry.

    That's fine! The longer the better, as I need quite a bit of help here. And tangents aren't a problem, either.

    Yeah. Looking over I was redundant quite a bit. I'll go back over and fix it when I have time.

    Good point. Mind if I use that phrasing?

    Maybe intimate wasn't the right word there. I don't really know what I was thinking when I wrote it. What I meant to say was more along the lines of personal, in the sense that you're speaking with your own voice instead of just inserting your thoughts into somebody's head. Why they do it is probably something akin to why humans forbid the placing of elbows on the table while eating, even though it's easier.

    And it shall be fixed. That wasn't supposed to be there. I was originally writing something different, then changed the sentence halfway through.

    I guess so. I was worried because I have the opposite problem in my main fic, not using enough description. I'll try to take your advice into account.

    You are completely correct. I'll fix that too.

    No problem! The tangents are actually quite helpful.

    I guess you're right. I needed to put some background info in, and I sort of got carried away.

    That was actually intentional. It was supposed to show that the tension was rising. The Mews were getting anxious, and their sentences became snappy and short.

    Not only for the mission, though that was certainly part of it. She also wanted to help them.

    Wow. I completely missed that. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll just delete that second sentence. I'll also take a look back over the last few paragraphs and fix them up, like you said.


    Again, as it's a One-Shot, you'll have to guess on what happens to Mew. Thanks for the review, though, and I'll try to fix all that. 'Till next time!

  11. Dawn_Hero

    Dawn_Hero Written Insanity~

    Yeah. xD I'm sorry. I was talking to someone while I finished up the review and forgot it was a one-shot. I feel rather silly now. My badddd. Anyways, glad I could point out some errors - I also don't mind if you use that phrasing whatsoever. It's what examples are there for. :p Thanks for replying to the review so quickly, and good luck with future writing endeavors.
  12. Matori


    A close friend of mine recced this story, and I have to say, you really did a great job writing a very different kind of Pokemon origin story.

    I've read both the "Mew is every Pokemon" theory, and the

    Pokemon takes place in a post-apocalyptic world
    theory, but I've never seen a fic use them like you did. Reading a story told from the perspective of Mew as an alien race colonizing the universe, and seeing the little detail about Elgeyem and Beheeyem was a nice touch since little has been said in canon regarding their origin other than "they're aliens", so acknowledging said aliens needed a source was good.

    I love Pokemon fics that read like old fashioned, Twilight Zone type SF stories, and this one was no exception.
  13. DarknessInZero

    DarknessInZero <- Es mío! MÍO!

    Oh god. I lost all this time before reviewing? No fair! Oh, well.

    Wow. I don't like to do detailed reviews, so, here is my type of review.

    This explains what happened, right? It is supposed that a civil war almost killed the Earth and the humans. Then, the Pokémon arrived and colonized. Also, they wiped the humans' memory, so it is like the planet restarted.

    The second part is of the Emerald Storyline, when you get the Old Map. There Mew is pictured as a playful being, but this changes completely the point of view. Mew didn't wanted to appear, so he confined himself to the island. Also, they got to clone him, and he saw Mewtwo as his son. Then Red captured Mewtwo, and Mewtwo left Mew. After that, Brendan captured Mew, who didn't wanted it. And if my knowledge of Pokémon is right, Mew would probably (against his will) warm up to his Trainer. And there it starts.

    Well. Now I have another point of view, and I hope that if relly the world ends on december, Pokémon will come in a spaceship and save the humanity.

    On happier ideas, post this on FanFiction also. You will get a lot of reviews, and it will create expectation to other stories, but maybe you would like to review the first chapters, as everyone enhances themselves, you can also enhance the start, which is always the hardest part.

    I am done with the review.

    Until later,

    DiZ out.
  14. Treecko's Awesomeness

    Treecko's Awesomeness Treecko is claimed!

    That's fine. If anything, I'm flattered that you wanted to read more. Thanks again for the review!

    Thanks! I got the idea from viewing some insane WMG on Tvtropes, then thinking: "Hey. That could work as a story."

    Yeah. Personally, I don't really subscribe to either theory completely. The Mew one more than the post-apocalypse theory, but neither all the way. I just felt that the alien Pokemon warranted mention.

    Hmm... I never thought about it that way. Anyway, thanks for the review!

    Oh, hi DiZ! Nice to see you here.

    On the contrary, I think this review's great!

    Pretty much.

    Again, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there.

    Well, they'd probably come later around February. But, yeah, that would be pretty darn awesome.

    I'll try that. But just like The Nova Travels, I'm gonna have to edit out the BB coding first.

    Thanks for the review! 'Til next time!


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