comdome+power abosorber

[Metal Force]

comdome + power absorber

Well in the past few days I thought of a 2stories the second one is related to the first one .. note I wrote this & I have the idias but my friend Entei the phoenix helped me writing .
anyway :
first it's the story of comdome :-

Comdome & the fusion power​

One day ash & co was walking in a forest . After awhile they saw a new evil team it's team mega . Anyways ash & co saw them runing but they didn't know why . Ofcorse they followed the team & when the team stoped ash & co saw the team taking a shining rock from the ground & the team looked at it . Non of the team knows what's the story with this shining rock nor Ash & co . after 3 hours ash & co got bored so they went to camp in the forest . At the same moment team mega were tring to figre out what the rock is used for . While tring they were walking as well & suddnly a mew appeared . When the mew got near the team the shining rock began to shine more & mysteriously the rock somehow captered the selebi & kept it inside it . Due to that team mega began thinkning . After thinking they relised that the rock can capture pokemon & hold them not to say a legend so they walked & walked searching for a legend & they saw a flying Ho-oh due to that they used a plain to follow the Ho-oh & like before the rock captured the Ho-oh . At the same time ash & co were searching for the new team mega but they didn't find them . Back to team mega they happend to see another legend ! & the rock capture it again . After many days team mega had cought all legends exapt mewtwo wich by the way they met in a big land & the rock catched it but this time the rock began to shine more & a ray came out of the rock after seconds a powerful giant black pokemon came out of the rock it's Comdome . Back to ash & co they saw a shining light coming from somewhere so they followed it & they saw comdome . Team mega were very suprised cause they didn't know what had happend & how did this powerful giant pokemon got out of the rock . A scientist from the team took a sample from comdome's DNA after awhile he saw that his DNA matches the DNA of all legends together so he rushed to the team telling them that comdome is a fusion of all legends & that means that the rock fuses pokemon . Team mega were suprised even more so as Ash & co . Suddnly comedome had started attacking but no pokemon had a chance even with toughing it . It was realy bad but luckly a trainer appeared named nairo had taken the rock & he sais he had said that he knows about the rock & he saw it falling from the sky . Also he said that he thought this's gonna happen so he came . But everyone asked him are you going to help us or what ? he answered : I will I will the only way to de-fuse comdome is capture it by the rock . & he do that said ash & co . He answered : first we must battle it with a legend then we must keep the rock near him . After searching for a legend they had met up with moltres so they battled comdome with it & they kept the rock near comdome & it worked the legend were de-fused & they became free . Team mega had disappeared & ash & co kept thier journy going .

~The end~​

second it's the story of the power abosrber :-

The power absorber & the return of comdome​

~coming soon~​

 

[Xiang]

Where's your description and emotion? Where are your quotation marks and paragraphs? Where's your intelligence? You haven't read the rules of this forum, which are stickied.

Description: Attempts were futile. What did the forest look like? Were the trees polka-dotted and stumpy? Did the leaves change color overnight? Was there an empty highway running through it?

Who's Ash and co? Is Ash a corncob who wore boots of metal? Was he bald and did he have a British accent? DESCRIBE!

Who's team Magma? The people who eat everything with cheese? -_-

Where are your commas and sentences?

Work on it.

 

[Dilasc]

One day ash & co was walking in a forest .

Well, this is the most unique opening line ever, hands down ! No, wait, actually, I see it used all the time, and quite frankly, it's the most boring, cliched way to start a story, EVER ! Also, don't use 'co,' you should NEVER use shorthanded laziness . Finally, why's the period a space away from the sentence ? Heck, why are all the periods like that ? (heh, sorry, I couldn't help myself .)

After awhile they saw a new evil team it's team mega .

I'm taking a wild guess that English isn't your first language . Even when I was six, I knew how to place periods directly after a sentence ender, and not a space afterwards . Anyway, there are problems with this sentence . Mainly the fact that it lacks commas, description, and any semblance of intelligence . I hope this thread was a joke, and that a much better version of this 'story,' if you can call it that, exists with far better grammer .

Anyways ash & co saw them runing but they didn't know why .

No capitalization on the word ash, which is a name, is it not ? You start while addressing us, the veiwers (those of us who actually LIKE this story enoughto care though probably... well, I don't think anyone even does) with the words anyways, which is usually more incorrect than anyway . Don't use the ampersand, which is the '&' just so you know, since you probably wouldn't know any fancy words like that, based on your grammatical skills . Type out the word and, never use &, EVER !

Ofcorse they followed the team & when the team stoped ash & co saw the team taking a shining rock from the ground & the team looked at it .

Ofcorse isn't a real word, silly . So who's they and who's the team ? They stopped the team ? Why's there a shining rock ? Why do you still use such lazy writing styles that make you very worthy of getting your thread closed ?

Non of the team knows what's the story with this shining rock nor Ash & co .

Quite frankly, I don't get this story either, and if your characters are aware about the fact that they are in a story and have no actual traits, that's bad ! Again, no abbreviating, please . I'm guessing you mean 'none'when you said 'Non .' You should fix that .

after 3 hours ash & co got bored so they went to camp in the forest .

After ten minutes, I got bored reading this . Don't use the numeral keys, type the words out as three, ya dig ?

Anyway, I'm bored of this shindig . Quite fankly, you have so much work to do . You probably typed this up in the reply box over the course of twenty minutes, and it shows in extremely poor quality . All in all, you might want to go out there and read some fics (in fact, I recommend you read the advice for authors thread too), or actually put an effort in next time .