Complain about why you're single here

[Sceptrigon]

Yeah, that's pretty much the only thing I'm really worried about with relationships as a guy, the pressure to be the provider, the breadwinner in the relationship. I can barely even take care of myself and when things are becoming less and less affordable (especially housing. Housing is really ridiculous right now), having a girlfriend in the picture that I would have to take care of as well would be even rougher.

I'm not sure I would go as far as you in expecting similar backgrounds, but similar values should definitely be important as well. The biggest thing for me is that I need someone I can enjoy spending time with which is why I'm looking more towards hobbies, but similar values also helps with that as well since if you don't agree on things, it's going to be harder to get along with them.

I can definitely see where you’re coming from. At least to me, it’s important for anyone regardless of sex to establish a decent start money-wise while he/she is still independent.

I’ve been pretty much warned my whole life to be careful of the types of people I meet, not that my parents are telling me to avoid the dating scene as a whole but based on people’s wide range of differing beliefs and family situations and the number of unpleasant ways that they can turn out, I can see why they’d be concerned. Of course, I still do want to try to keep an open mind when I start seriously meeting other guys.

In regards to money, it matters but at the same time it doesn't. It's all really situational. I could date someone who was broke, but I would have to see evidence of motivation to secure a sustained income and secondly, I would probe around a bit and try to get a feel for whether being broke and unemployed was a consistent theme for them. I know what it's like to not have money and feel like you're being overlooked because of that. The way I see it, someone's financial situation is pretty irrelevant to me unless we're struggling. If I can barely afford to put groceries on the table, you best damn well be looking for something better than your minimum wage job. If I have a sweet job that's more than enough for both of us, I honestly don't care if they work or have money, as long as they have some hobbies.

This is loosely related, but what I really hate is when people expect a college education as a pre-requisite to dating them. Stomaching classism has been a common trope in my dating experience.

I really don’t like the idea of coming up front and asking someone about their education or financial situation either. Actually, being able to manage your money well would be a more important factor. Regardless of how much you earn, as long as you’re saving and spending with enough consideration then that would be ideal. But I dislike the idea of someone having to rely on another's income even when you’re earning enough. I suppose it’s more of a personality thing. As long as there’s at least something money-wise that someone wants to achieve in an honest way then I believe it should be fine.

 

[pokemario24]

Where I live, it's all about the bad boys or the guys with looks. Nice guys get almost no love

 

[Sceptrigon]

Where I live, it's all about the bad boys or the guys with looks. Nice guys get almost no love

Personally I’ve never understood how anyone would like bad boys. Screw all of that “looking dominant is attractive” bull. Of all the reasons why, I think the mentality that they might be able to change is the most ridiculous. If that guy has been getting into some serious trouble, don’t bother getting caught up in that mess. It’s not worth it at all. But maybe I’m just that practical.

 

[satopi]

Ehhh I'm happy being single so no complaints from me!

I'm single mainly because I haven't found anyone I'm interested in. I've had both men and women express interest in me but I just haven't been attracted to someone in a few years. I also have so much on my plate that I want to improve on for myself and responsibilities I carry that dating is less of a limited time offer and more like something that'll come in due time. So, I don't mind waiting for my special someone. I do have time though since I'm still in my early 20's, but even then, it isn't guaranteed.

 

[Satoshi & Touko]

I’m not unhappy being single as well.

And I feel lucky that I feel that way because I know and have always known that even if I did want a relationship, I would never find one. No one has ever expressed any interest in me (no surprise given I was really ugly in high school with Asperger’s and there was nothing “cool” about me).

 

[GrizzlyB]

I don't mean to brag, but I've got sexy singles in my area hitting me up pretty much every day.

 

[Baba Yaga]

GrizzlyB, you're not supposed to click on the pornhub pop-ups.

 

[xEryChan]

I’m not gonna complain about being single because I love being single. The reason why I’m single is because I haven’t found anyone who I really like. Besides, I’m in school now and I really want to focus on my education, I’m not looking for a boyfriend.

Of course I’m always open to the idea of being in a relationship when the time is right but for now, I’m gonna enjoy the single life.

 

[Nockturne]

Thinking about my love life in terms of a Venn diagram, there are plenty of people in the "attracted to me circle" and plenty in "I'm attracted to them circle" but finding people who fit in that intersection is like a needle in a haystack.

 

[Peter Quill]

I have mixed feelings towards relationships.

I echo the sentiment about gay dating life. I personally think that gay life is fundamentally different than straight dating life (And I'd say in regards to m/m and w/w relationships that they're entirely separate beasts altogether.) I live in what is probably my country's largest LGBT hub and even then, I find the dating pool of people I'm actually interested in to be kinda small. This is probably because I'm fairly uncomfortable with the whole intimacy aspect that comes with relationships in the first place. I'm not sure if it's because I've never really had a "real" relationship (I had one but it was very shortlived and that was years ago!) so I have no real exposure to that kind of thing or if it's due to past trauma growing up.

I hang out with a gentleman right now and I already made it clear that I don't really want a relationship, but he's done things like spending the day with me at the hospital when I injured myself/brought me Thanksgiving leftovers when I had nobody to celebrate it with... which seems more like a coupley thing than a friend thing? We've been intimate a number of times and he's the closest thing to a "boyfriend" that I've had in a long time. He genuinely is interested in my life and we talk frequently, but we just sort of vibe that way and it's nice. It's the first person who could potentially be a viable romantic interest that's treated me this way (Everyone else I consider friends or family). I still have unresolved feelings towards someone in another country altogether and also think that somebody I got to talk to a few hours away was really sweet and cute. It's weird, and I feel like I need to have this "aha" moment so that I can understand what my expectations and wants in a relationship are.

I think right now that it's probably not the right time for me. Finishing school and establishing my career are my priorities.

As you can see I have a lot of weird, stream of consciousness feelings towards this.

 

[Kutie Pie]

I don't mean to brag, but I've got sexy singles in my area hitting me up pretty much every day.

GrizzlyB, you're not supposed to click on the pornhub pop-ups.

Well I don't know about Grizzly but on my end it's every time I'm trying to watch an episode of my favorite testosterone-fueled anime. Seems the Japanese propaganda's spreading overseas.

 

[Gizmoduck]

Because I made the worst mistake of my life in stressing out the first and probably only girlfriend I'll ever have, and then when a misunderstanding happened, rather than talk it out with me like we had before, she decided it must be true and cut all contact.

And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life; let alone get over it. Easier said than done.

I've never felt more isolated and empty inside than I have this entire last month.

 

[Josef Stylin]

Awkward irl and not really secure in anything. The feels hurt a bit when they come but tbh I never actually had a relationship, let alone on an intimate level so when it comes to priorities I tend to focus on the things I can actually get a grasp on instead of things where I'm at least a decade behind everyone else so I get pretty conflicted about it sometimes

@Gizmoduck
Think about how it went down, step by step, figure out what you can fix, try fixing it, if you can't fix it at all just recognize the mistakes, learn from them and prepare for a possible next time instead of tearing away at yourself ya nerd

But anyway, here's the thing I actually wanted to get out of my system since I read this thread title:

>>/r9k/

 

[Gizmoduck]

Thanks for the advice, @Josef Stylin, but that's not exactly how it went down. But I am still trying, yet I am sadly not hopeful, though.

 

[Laser Shuckle]

Because I made the worst mistake of my life in stressing out the first and probably only girlfriend I'll ever have, and then when a misunderstanding happened, rather than talk it out with me like we had before, she decided it must be true and cut all contact.

And I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life; let alone get over it. Easier said than done.

I've never felt more isolated and empty inside than I have this entire last month.

That sucks man. No matter what just do your best to try and mend fences with her and give it time, everyone has value and if she can't see yours even after you've done everything you can to try and change things/fix it and given it some time then sadly you might simply be better off without her in your life. :/ (As painful as that is to stomach) Hard to say though without knowing more as what you wrote is rather vague but I hope things work out for you. Above all:

-You don't want to be that guy that could've said or done something about it but didn't because reasons only to lose the relationship

-Know your worth. At a certain point if the ball is in her court so to speak and she won't give you the time of day anymore no matter what you do because reasons then it's probably best to try and accept it as not meant to be and work toward moving on from this person.

-Give it time. It's cliché but time really does tend to heal most everything. Who knows maybe she just needed a break from you for awhile? Sometimes you have to just let things run their course and until then like Josef said work on what you can and don't let what you can't do anything about completely consume you.

Hope any of this helps.

 

[Gizmoduck]

That sucks man. No matter what just do your best to try and mend fences with her and give it time, everyone has value and if she can't see yours even after you've done everything you can to try and change things/fix it and given it some time then sadly you might simply be better off without her in your life. :/ (As painful as that is to stomach) Hard to say though without knowing more as what you wrote is rather vague but I hope things work out for you. Above all:

-You don't want to be that guy that could've said or done something about it but didn't because reasons only to lose the relationship

-Know your worth. At a certain point if the ball is in her court so to speak and she won't give you the time of day anymore no matter what you do because reasons then it's probably best to try and accept it as not meant to be and work toward moving on from this person.

-Give it time. It's cliché but time really does tend to heal most everything. Who knows maybe she just needed a break from you for awhile? Sometimes you have to just let things run their course and until then like Josef said work on what you can and don't let what you can't do anything about completely consume you.

Hope any of this helps.

The worst thing is, by misunderstanding, I truly mean it as so. Something happened that I didn't even DO at all that she assumed I did. And now all I want more than anything is to fix that. And I'm terrified of how it happened and if I truly lost one of the best things in my life simply due to it.

This is really a long story that shouldn't be public. So if you want to know more, just message me instead.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

No one wants me longer than two weeks on average. That’s why I’m still single....

 

[keepitsimple]

I've never dated. Too busy in my daily life that I don't care to add a relationship on top of everything :^) I also don't want kids so I see no reason to get married either

I like being single, I can do whatever the hell I want with my time and it's amazing. But I'll definitely remember this thread when I don't want to be single anymore so I can complain about it

 

[Frozocrone]

Crippling fear of commitment and having few desirable traits whilst also having unrealistic expectations of ladies who have to be "perfect".

I'm working on it but single Pringle for ten years now and not fussed. If it happens it happens, if not, sorry mum.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

I’ve become afraid of letting people get to know me. My biggest fear is that they won’t like me once they do get to know me. I’m terrified of being abandoned.