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Contest Dreams

Discussion in 'Shipping Fics' started by Sweet May, Apr 25, 2005.

  1. Sweet May

    Sweet May o.o

    Here is my first fic. It only involves Contestshipping. Well this is the Prologue to my story. The first episode will be coming out soon. But I hope you enjoy. Please tell me what you think of my fic. The rate of it is PG-13 in all the episodes. Please enjoy.^ ^

    Prologue - Episode 0

    Ash, May, Max, and Brock were returning from the Hoenn League and were headed to Petalburg City to relax. May was extremely exhausted from walking that she fell to the ground.

    "How long until Petalburg City? This is taking forever," she asked in a groaning voice.

    "Can’t you calm down?" Ash said as he continued walking.

    Brock helped May get up. Everyone was tired but they continued walking down the long, narrow road.
    Ash and the gang arrived in Petalburg City and even more exhausted than they were a while ago. They arrived at May and Max’s house and saw in the window Caroline cooking something in the kitchen. When she spotted them, she came outside the house all surprised and excited to see them.

    "Hi Mom!" May and Max cried cheerfully.

    "Hi kids. It’s great to see you all," Caroline said with a smile of excitement. "Looks like you’re all tired. Why don’t you rest for a while?"

    "Ok…." Everyone said in unison.

    As soon as Caroline went back to the kitchen, everyone dropped down on the floor. In the afternoon, they were discussing where they would go next.

    "So……..where are we going?" Ash asked in confusion.

    Everyone became silent and started thinking for a while. After half an hour of thinking, Brock got up and said, "Hey we can go to the Orre region. It has lots of trainers who are dying to battle. Plus there’s Mt. Battle. It’s a place where you can battle all day."

    "That’s a great idea," Ash said as he got up from the couch.

    "What about the contests?" May asked.

    Brock looked at Ash for a moment and then looked at May sadly.

    "I’m sorry May. There are no contests there," Brock said with a frown on his face. May then frowned but didn’t say anything.

    "But May you can get better with your battling skills so you can win the contests in the next region." Max explained.

    "I guess." May said with no excitement in her voice.
    That night May decided to at least practice her coordinating skills since she might not be able to in the Orre region. After a while, she was too depressed on how there will be no contests that she didn‘t feel like practicing anymore. She felt sadness inside her. May really wanted to tell Ash and the others that she didn’t want to go, but she also didn’t want anyone to be mad at her. So May just sat there on the ground crying. The sky was dark blue with a white moon. There were trees all over the place. There was an ocean view from where May was. She did not pay attention because all she could think about was the Orre region. Then a dark shadow came in front of her. May looked up and saw it was Drew. She looked at him fiercely and then looked away which made Drew look at her in a weird way.

    "Are you ok?" he said sitting down next to her.

    May stared at him in an angry mood so she backed away from him.

    "Yeah. Why do you care?" she said as she turned her face away from him and stared at the ocean. Drew just looked at her without saying anything. May didn’t want to tell him why she was crying, but she didn‘t want Drew to annoy her as well so she said,

    "It’s just that Ash, Max and Brock want to go to the Orre region. But I don’t want to go because there are no contests and I don’t want to battle all day long."

    Drew got annoyed but didn‘t say anything. He just stood up and spoke in a calm voice,
    "You don’t have to go if you don’t want to."

    "But I can’t leave my brother alone. I’m suppose to take care of him." May shouted.

    "Well you don’t have to do what people tell you. Just go where you want to. You don‘t have to listen to them." Drew explained in a loud voice that kind of scared May. She thought that he was probably mad at her. May became mad, but then relaxed and sighed.

    "But I don’t know where to go. That’s my problem." May protested.

    "You can come with me." Drew said softly. He then gave May a rose. She took it and replied.
    "But where?"

    "In the Glenn region. There are only contests and I’m heading there. But if you want you can come with me." Drew said.

    "Well I guess I could." May said. "But I have to ask my parents first."

    "Ok. Meet me here tomorrow if they say yes. We’ll take the ferry there." Drew said. He looked at May with a smile for a moment and then started walking. May just stood there and wondered. She ran happily to her house. When she got there she saw her mom reading a book on the couch. Caroline looked up, spotted May and closed her book.

    "Are you ok honey?" Caroline asked as May sat down on the couch.

    "Yeah. I’m ok," May said cheerfully, "Can I ask you something?"

    "Sure," Caroline said smiling. What is it?"

    "Can I go to the Glenn region by myself? I want to enter contests. Not battles," May moaned.

    "I would let you. But what about your friends and Max?" Caroline said wondering what May was going to do.

    "I know that Max can take care of himself. Besides Ash and Brock are going to be there with," May explained and looked at her mom in a begging way. "Please can I go. I know they won’t mind."

    "Sure you can. As long as you can take care of yourself." Caroline said smiling." Right now go sleep. You need some rest."

    "Don’t worry Mom." May got up and walked up to her room. She felt a little guilty about not telling her mom that she was traveling with Drew but she was still happy that she could go. She was too excited about going to the Glenn region that she couldn’t sleep. But the most important thing that kept her awake was that she could travel with Drew.

    Well thats the prologue. If you think something is wrong in it, tell me.

    Next Episode in Contest Dreams: Episode 1 - Aboard the S.S Splash! On the Way to A New Region
    May and Drew enter the S.S. Splash that will lead them to the Glenn region. Everything seems okay in there until a group of criminals enter and steal stuff from coordinators. Can May and Drew stop the criminals from getting away with it?
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2005
  2. Encyclopika

    Encyclopika The Queen

    Great work! What a team what a team we are! can't wait to see what goes on in the second chapter! PM me when you do! ^^
  3. Misty-Fan-Forever

    Misty-Fan-Forever ~Waiting...

    I love it :eek: lol Drew and his signiture rose. I realyl can't wait for your next chapter because I really love where this is going =P
  4. Juny

    Juny Savvy?

    ^^ It's really cool!!! The prologue kinda reminds me of Encyclopika's story but it makes it's own turn and is probably going to be all different :) keep up!
  5. gonbemaster

    gonbemaster Guest

    I'm not really a fan of contestshipping, but... It's okay :) I just think you should add a bit more details.
  6. MayShuufan

    MayShuufan Mrs Brendan Birch ^^

    This is really cool so far I like it so far and it had a rose in it ^_^.... anyway you managed to get the characters attitudes just right and it's nice that you started just like a proper episode....update soon.
  7. Rene Bellosh

    Rene Bellosh Guest

    Hmmm... I agree that this story could use some more description. With more of just that, this first chapter could have easily been divided into at least 2 chapters, and thus not rushed. I also have to lament on the apparent lack of UST as we know it from the anime, which IMO consists a great part of Contestshipping's appeal. :D Anyways, I'd like to see how this becomes different from Encyclopika's story so good luck. :)
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    Hm this story started a bit like Encyclopika's story.. Its a good story! I can't wait for the next chapter and see if this story is a bit like Encyclopika's.
  9. Encyclopika

    Encyclopika The Queen

    You don't have to be that harsh, Rene. This is her first time.
  10. Rene Bellosh

    Rene Bellosh Guest

    True I might have been a tad harsh, but I really didn't feel like posting another "Gj, want to see more" message. I see no point in posting a review (or any other message) if I have nothing really interesting to say. And if I truely wanted to be nasty, I would do what immature people you do on FF.Net and go flaming....... but we're all beyond that. :D

    Besides as much as I (or anyone else) hates being criticized, IMO constructive criticism in the long run can help anyone improve. And I'm all for improvement :)
  11. Sweet May

    Sweet May o.o

    ok people i know i need more description but this is my first fic.....give me a break..... thx encyclopika for helping me. anyways i hope this epi is good or better and tell me wut u think. For me i think this epi makes no sence....lol....but tell me wut you think ok

    Contest Dreams - Episode 1: Aboard the S.S. Splash! On the Way To A New Region

    It was sunny in Petalburg City. The trees branches were moving gently as the wind softly pushed them. Pidgeys were flying across the light-blue sky. The grass was a green and moved across the earth. And like the warm sunny spring day, May was on her way to the ferry. She walked across the path and saw other people walking the same way. May wondered if they were coordinators going to the Glenn region as well. May then started imagining herself holding the ribbon cup and hearing the crowd congratulating heron her victory. But then her enjoyment stopped when something came into her mind.

    "Will my Pokémon be able to win. "she thought.

    She didn't bring all her Pokémon she had. She only brought Beautifly and Skitty with her. She wondered what Pokémon will she see there and if they would be very strong? But May didn't want all that to stop her from wanting to be a coordinator. May then saw the ferry from away. It was kind of big but it looked like any other ferry. May stared amazed at its size. But then May heard a loud, deep sound that came from the ship. May then realized that the ship was getting ready to leave. May panicked and started running as fast she can.

    "Wait!" she shouted at the ship hoping that it doesn't move.

    As she was getting closer to the ship, she kept running faster. Luckily she got there just in time and entered the ship all tired and out of breath. May landed on the floor when she entered through the door all exhausted from running. May stood up and looked around the ship. It had light-blue walls and brown doors. The ship looked like it was just built. The floors had a red colored carpet all over it. May looked at all the people in the hallways. He heard people talk about the contests and the Grand Festival. But all May wanted to do is look for Drew. She searched the crowds of people but couldn't find him. Then a lady with light-blue hair came in front of her. She made everyone silent and spoke in a calm voice,

    "Welcome to the S.S. Splash. Here you will relax and enjoy your time before entering the Glenn region. If you need anything, me or one of the other staff member will be here to help you in any way they can. Enjoy your stay! "she said smiling.

    The lady walked away and May continued looking for Drew. She gave up all of a sudden, thinking that maybe he wasn't on the ship at all. So May entered the dining room which pleased her. The dining room was big. There were tables with white tablecloths on top of them. The seats where red colored and so was the carpet on the floor. There were a lot of people in there. May wanted to sit down and relax. She sat down on a seat and felt a bit lonely. May sat and thought that if she could handle the contests by herself since Drew isn't there with her. But to her surprise, she saw Drew sitting alone on a table from a far end in the room. He looked depressed for some reason. May got up from her seat and slowly walked over to the table Drew was sitting in.

    "Hi Drew." she said softly. Drew looked up and May sat down.

    "Well I didn't expect you would actually come. Drew said sitting up and smiling.

    May didn't say anything but was annoyed. Both May and Drew sighed and frowned. May seemed nervous talking to him but she didn’t know why.

    "So how is the Glenn region like?" May asked. Drew stopped frowning and looked at May.

    "I don't know. I never been there. But I heard its great.....I guess," Drew replied like he didn't care about that. He started drinking a glass of water on the table. May was thinking and then said,

    "You know, if we're going to traveling together, you should at least be nice." May cried. Drew paused for a moment and stared at May with a grin.

    "Sure, I’ll be nice." he said with laughter.

    May became mad and looked away folding her arms. Drew sighed and looked down. After that they didn't talk to each other for a while.

    That evening, the ship was still crossing the waters. May was looking at the bright stars that lit up the dark-blue sky. She couldn't sleep knowing that she felt lonely again. Even if Drew was with her. She missed Ash, Brock and especially Max. But she had to go if she wanted to be a great coordinator. She sat there looking at Drew sleeping. Everything was quiet until May heard a cry from far away. May jumped up and looked around the room but saw no one except Drew. She walked out of the room and saw nothing. May was a bit scared but stood by the door. A hand touched her shoulder and May screamed. She turned around instantly and saw it was Drew.

    "What are you doing?" she shouted. Drew backed up and smiled.

    "Well sorry if I scared you," he said. May got annoyed.

    "Can't you stop doing that!" she cried. Drew continued grinning and May got even more angry but she stopped and looked back at the hallways. Drew looked confused at what May was doing. They heard someone yell so they walked through the ship's hallways to find out who it was. They looked into a room and saw a young girl who had blonde hair and blue eyes. She was hiding behind a chair crying with fear. May and Drew stepped in the room and the girl looked at them surprised.

    "Go away you criminals!" the girl started throwing things at May and Drew.

    "Quit it!" May cried.

    "Yea. We're not criminals." Drew added. The girl stopped throwing things and started crying again. May said in a frown.

    "What's wrong?" she asked as Drew looked around the room. "And.….where are your parents."

    "I don't know," the girl answered, "I was just walking and...... and" she stopped and cried again.

    May tried comforting her. Drew got annoyed by all this but didn't say anything.

    "And some freaky looking guys came in front of me and they.......they............" the girl paused and continued, "They stole my Azurill!" she went back to crying. May and Drew looked at each other for a minute.

    "Don't worry. We'll get your Azurill back." May promised and got up. She then turned to Drew who was looking at the hallways. May then looked back at the girl.

    "What's your name?" she asked sweetly.

    "My name is Kate." The girl whispered.

    "Why don't you come with us? May said. "Maybe we'll find your parents as well. Drew saw what May was doing and smiled.

    May, Drew and Kate were walking in the hallways looking for anyone who looked On their way, they heard people complaining about the criminals stealing their Pokémon and other valuables they had. The staff were asking questions on how the criminals looked like. But May and Drew ignored all their talking and continued walking. They stopped when they saw a guy that looked like one of the staff members. He was walking alone with a big bag. May and Drew became suspicious. Kate was scared and hid behind May. The guy turned around and started running when he saw May and Drew.

    "Hey! Stop!" May yelled.

    Drew started running after the guy. Then May and Kate ran right behind him. They chased the guy around the ship. But when they came at the stairs, the bag ripped and everything came out. There were a lot of Pokeballs and other things on the floor. He just grabbed some things and continued running. May decided to stop the guy herself. But before she could do anything, smoke came out and they couldn't see a thing. When the smoke cleared out, the guy was gone.

    "Where did he go?" May asked in anger. She didn't want the guy to leave.

    "I think he was the criminal." Drew said looking at all the Pokeballs. Then a guy with black hair came and looked at them.

    "Did you kids steal that?" he asked.

    "No we didn't," Kate shouted. Then a lot of people came and took their belongings. But while getting their stuff they glared at May, Drew, and Kate as if they stole the stuff. Kate took her Pokeballs and became happy. Her parents came and thanked May and Drew for finding her. Then staff members came with guys who looked like criminals.

    "I think these clowns are the real criminals." said one of the staff members.

    They were criminals indeed. One had dark-green hair and another had red hair. They were carried off and put into jail until they reached the Glenn region. May and Drew were relieved that the criminals were caught. Even if they didn't catch or stop them. At least they didn't get away. But they both stood on the deck staring at the blue ocean. The waves were splashing on the ship. The ship was approaching land. And May guessed that it was the Glenn region. She was happy but a little homesick. At least she could enter contests. The sun came out making everything seem orange. May and Drew watched the sun get higher into the sky. The ship got closer and closer to the Glenn region. Where May and Drew would start their journey together.

    So I still think that the epi is a bit weird. But tell me in general wut u think. Also tell me wut u think is wrong with it.....that is if theres something wrong........

    Next Episode In Contest Dreams: Episode 2 - Gastly and the Ghost Cave
    After arriving in the Glenn region, May and Drew head for Amberhive Town. But on their way, a Gastly takes May into a cave. Can Drew find May and leave the cave in one piece?
    Last edited: May 18, 2005
  12. Encyclopika

    Encyclopika The Queen

    Very interesting...good plot. One thing I think would really make it more enjoyable to read is if you slow down, just a tad. Also, remember the revising skills we talked about online. Don't worry about updating quickly...take your time. Also, don't be up tight about the chapter's length. You see how long and dragged out my episodes can be. ^^ lol A lot of rushing I saw - sometimes this is good, for a fast, actiony part. Take your time, it's ok. lol Also, try to combine your sentences. I saw alot of She did this. (period) Then she did this.(period). Try something like She did this AND then did this. The word AND will become ur best buddy - but only use it in the right places. I'll teach u more about that online sometime...
    I know you might not realize, but you have gotten MUCH better at writing since last i revised the Prologue. Your detailing is getting better - you definatly have a grasp on it. Now all you got to do is send it through the revising just to tweek it and make it sound right, and you've got it perfectly. I'm sure by the end of this fic, you'll be a great writer, or at least better than you were. Keep working hard! ^^
  13. MayShuufan

    MayShuufan Mrs Brendan Birch ^^

    I didn't think that the episode made no sense I enjoyed it the only thing I really need to suggest is next time make the episode a little longer. Anyway I enjoyed it and update as soon as you can.
    Oh yeah and this ficcie has been added to my website.
    Last edited: May 2, 2005
  14. Sequoia

    Sequoia Well-Known Member

    hmmm...that was a bit rushed, i guess...XD still, it was okay...you could try not using test talk, lyk dis wen ur talkin, in your authoress notes...
  15. xsweet_peax

    xsweet_peax +kiss of an angel+

    Its a lil weird for some reason and May and Drew seems a lil weird for their character. Maybe its just me. Though, I still think this fic could get really good. It is interesting. I'd stick on this fic and see what happens. Maybe its Drew. He doesnt taunt May all that much. He just keeps on smirking at her and thats basically it or maybe I missed something. I hope you add more tension between them...cute tension that is XD. I would like to see more fights between them and more May getting mad. Its so cute when that happens. I love those kinda relationship. I'd like to see more of Drew being the hero. We dont get to see him too often and he is the guy so I hope he would protect May. Its all really cute. But especially...I LOVE jealousy. ehehhe I would love to see someone falling for Drew and May getting jealous. Well, I'm sure this fic is gonna go places so I hope you continue soon. Please PM me with new chapters if you dont mind.
  16. Sweet May

    Sweet May o.o

    ok ppl sorry that i took so long but i had a lot of stuff in my way well i dunno if epi 2 is ok or not if it isn't tell me c uz with a lot of stuff in my way it probably might not be good but here it is:

    Contest Dreams - Episode 2: Gastly and the Ghost Cave

    The morning was cold and windy. May and Drew were walking on the road and headed to Amberhive Town to get their new contest passes. May was excited that she started jumping. Drew was annoyed by that but intended to ignore her. May stopped and looked around. There were a lot of trees standing on the green grass. The day was cold but the sky was clear with no clouds.

    "It's cold out here," May started shivering but Drew just shook his head. He then looked into the sky. Something then suddenly came into May's mind.

    "Did you think I wasn't going to come?" she asked. Drew stopped walking causing May to stop too. He looked at May and then just closed his eyes and grinned.

    "Not really," he answered.

    May looked at him weirdly as Drew continued walking. May wondered if he really didn't care. But she remembered seeing him in the S.S. Splash looking depressed as if he was desperate for May to come. Then she got that off her mind and the weather got a bit warmer. A few hours passed and May became tired.

    "Can we relax?" she whined and let herself fall down on the ground.

    "Fine," Drew sighed and sat down next to May. May then became mad and annoyed that she looked away.

    "Why do you have to be like that?" she argued.

    "Be like what?" Drew shrieked but May got fed up and stared at him as if she wanted to hit him.

    "Every time I try being nice to you, you are always rude," May shouted that Drew backed up.

    May then just sat there motionless. She was very angry but seemed a bit sad. Drew just stared at May confused wondering what she meant or was saying. They both became silent and stared into the sky. May feeling upset and Drew feeling careless. Then a squeaky noise came from someplace. May and Drew turned around and saw each other all puzzled. The noise was heard again and they looked around wondering where it came from. There was nothing expect themselves.

    "Was it you?" May asked getting a bit scared. Drew shook his head and said "No."

    The noise kept going leaving May and Drew clueless until they became confused.
    May then saw something dark-purple pass quickly behind her and then it disappeared the second May turned to see what it was. Then Drew saw a bunch of pebbles with a blue glow approach them and then started hitting Drew. One of them hit May and she turned around looking at Drew with an angry face.

    "Why did you throw rocks at me?" she shouted.

    "I didn't throw anything!" Drew shouted back.

    Then May started glowing blue and was lifted from the ground. May panicked and yell at Drew to get her down. She got higher and Drew tried getting her down by grabbing her leg and pulling her down. Then the blue glow around May disappeared and she fell crashing down and landing on Drew.

    "Get off of me" Drew said as him and May both got up and searched around if anyone was there.

    Then May started glowing again and Drew heard a weird laughter coming from behind the trees. Drew turned around and May was still glowing and then she went flying around in the air until she became dizzy. Drew tried grabbing her but she was too high, he couldn't reach her.

    "Help!" May screamed to the top of her lungs.

    Still glowing and in the air, May started floating away and Drew ran to follow where May was going. Obviously May wasn't doing anything but then she saw a dark-purple ball sticking come in front of her and stuck it's tongue at her. It's eyes were also glowing blue like May. May took out her pokedex and the little red computer spoke,

    "Gastly. The Gas Pokémon." said the pokedex. "Almost invisible, this gaseous Pokémon cloaks the target and puts it to sleep without notice."

    Then May's pokedex came out of her hands and was floating in the air too.

    "Give that back and let me go!" May shrieked and tried escaping but she couldn't.

    Drew came and stopped when he saw Gastly. It stuck it's tongue out again and laughed which then it started flying away and May was going the same direction as Gastly, slowly floating in the air hoping that she would get down.

    "Drew!" she shouted loudly and again tried to escape but then realized she couldn't.

    Drew then shook his head confused and started running after them. But he couldn't catch up because the more closer he got, the more faster May and Gastly went.

    "Let me go!" she repeated more loudly than before but Gastly ignored her. She looked back and didn't see Drew anywhere. May thought that Drew probably just left her. May then frowned and Gastly just kept going bring May with it.

    It was late at night and Drew was walking alone looking for May. But there was nothing except the trees and bushes on the sides of the path. The sky was, as usual, dark-blue with stars lighting the night making it look like dark blue-colored paper with glitter on it. But Drew kept walking while he wondered where May could've gone. Then he saw something go past him quickly that when he blinked, it was gone. All he saw was something purple. He looked around him to find anything but saw nothing. Then a purple ball came behind his back and it appeared to be Gastly. Gastly laughed at Drew and when he turned around, Gastly disappeared and came other the other side. Then Gastly laughed quietly and then continued laughing at Drew. Then Drew turned around and saw Gastly.

    "Where's May?" he yelled at Gastly.

    Gastly just stared at Drew, acting innocent and then started going away. Drew followed it hoping that it'll lead him to May. But then Gastly started fooling around with Drew by going back and forth. But Drew just stood there annoyed watching Gastly do it's foolish things and then Gastly became sad of Drew's seriousness and started running away.

    "Hey!" Drew cried as he ran after Gastly.

    Gastly went into the bunch of trees but Drew ran in them too. He was chasing Gastly for a while until it entered a big cave. Drew stopped running and looked at the cave from the bottom to the top. Drew thought that maybe that's where May probably is, so Drew entered slowly into the cave.

    The cave was dark and impossible to see. It felt cold and moist. Drew walked in the cave searching for either May or Gastly. But there seemed to be nothing except for rocks everywhere. Some rocks were dull, small, sharp and large. Drew tried to be careful even though he couldn't see anything. He then heard a small faint cry and Drew tried following it but it faded away rapidly. He a small white light ahead. The light became bigger and then smaller until a small purple figure appeared. Drew saw that it was a Sableye with it's white diamond eyes shining. It looked at Drew and made a big grin showing all of it's sharp, pointy teeth. Drew watched it disappear into the darkness of the cave until it was gone. He decided to search for May, but the more he went deeper into the cave, the more darker it got until nothing was visible. Then he heard a cry that sounded like May.

    "May," Drew shouted but there was no response. Drew couldn't see anything that he fell into a deep hole that led him into a room with boxes everywhere.

    "Drew!" said a voice that sounded familiar and Drew turned around and saw May tied up and sitting on the marble floor.

    "What are you doing here?" Drew asked coming to May and untying her.

    "Well after that Gastly took me away, some Duskull started attacking it and just took me away into this cave and tied me up and....." May paused and saw something behind Drew. It seemed to be a Duskull. Drew turned around and saw it too.

    "Duskull Dusk," Duskull approached May and Drew and they moved back until they were at the wall. Then Drew stepped in front of May and Duskull backed up a little.

    "What do you want with her?" Drew asked, yelling at Duskull.

    "Dusk Duskull Dusk," it said and a couple of Duskull appeared coming from the walls. They surrounded May and Drew which scared May.

    "Maybe if we leave, they'll be happy." May whispered.

    "Well if they brought you here, what makes you think they'll be happy if you leave," Drew whispered back.

    "True," May looked down for a moment and looked back up. May and Drew were completely surrounded until they saw Gastly from behind the Duskull. Nobody said anything and Gastly threw a Shadow Ball at the Duskull making a big explosion.

    "Come on," Drew cried and grabbed May's hand and they both ran out a door that led them to the cave. Gastly followed them. And then the Duskull came and chased after them. Although May and Drew couldn't see anything nor they knew where they were going so they just kept running until they finally came out. Gastly also came out and so did the Duskulls that looked injured but mad at May, Drew, and Gastly.

    "Duskull," said one of the Duskulls that stepped forward. May, Drew, and Gastly backed up and stared at them afraid and scared, especially May who was hiding behind Drew.

    "Why don't you just leave us alone," she whined but that only made the Duskulls more angrier. Gastly tried telling the Duskulls to leave May and Drew alone but they ignored it's words.

    "You know sometimes if Gastly can't do anything, then we'll have to do something," Drew took out one of his Pokeballs and told May to do the same.

    "Roselia, come on out!" Drew threw the pokeball and out came Roselia.

    "Rose, "it said looking at the Duskulls.

    "Ok," May slowly took out one of her pokeballs, still shivering from fear, she tried to act brave.
    "Come on out Skitty”

    May threw the pokeball and out came the small pink little kitten, Now all the Duskull became nervous but still stood there. May then felt safe and decided to attack first.
    “Skitty, use Blizzard,”

    Skitty threw a long blast of white snow hitting the Duskull but they weren’t affected a lot. Then it became mad and launched a Shadow Ball directly at May and Skitty.

    "Roselia, use Petal Dance! Drew ordered and hundreds of petals shot out of Roselia preventing the Shadow Ball from hitting May and Skitty.

    "Thanks Drew," May said politely looking at Drew.

    "Don't thank me," Drew shrugged then looked at the Duskull.

    "Duskull," said all of the other Duskulls which they were all mad.

    "Gastly," Gastly stood in front of May and Drew and tried again telling the Duskulls to leave but again the Duskulls continued to ignore it which then made Gastly mad and it threw a Shadow Ball at the Duskulls which gave a direct hit and caused an explosion around the area. May, Drew and Gastly ran away as far as they can keeping themselves away from the Duskulls. They kept running until they grown tired and decided to stop. All tired and worn out, May and Drew laid on the road and Gastly watched the road in case of the Duskulls coming.

    "Are we safe yet?" May asked out of breath and trying to get it.

    "I think so," Drew answered who is also out of breath, "If the Duskull aren't following us, then yes we are safe."

    "Gastly," Gastly cried happily but when it looked at May, it became sad.

    "I think Gastly wants to apoligize," Drew said looking at May, then turning at Gastly. May smiled and Gastly came to May slowly and looked at her in a sorry face.

    "It's alright Gastly, I forgive you," May said softly. Gastly became happy and then disappeared into the dark trees. It became morning and the sky was blue but the sun wasn't out yet. May and Drew still laid on the road all tired and wanting to sleep but they just watched the morning sky set up to start a new day.

    sorry if it don't seem right itz cuz i had a state test and other stuff so sorry about that but tell me wut mistakes there are..............

    Next Episode in Contest Dreams: Episode 3 - Eevee and the Kelpsy River
    May and Drew are almost close to Amberhive Town. But they meet an Eeve and are intended to save it from danger. Can they help it or will they fail?
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2005
  17. Encyclopika

    Encyclopika The Queen

    Very cute chapter. I like your plots...remember what I said online about writing style? This chapter definately shows your "bright and get to the point" style against my "dark, mysterious, let's dra it out and annoy everyone" style. You have little mistakes as far as spelling and grammer, and I am so proud of you! ^^ But, you said to also tell you places where you need work. Here are some thinsg that I saw throughout your story, so it's not just these particular sentences.

    First, I found a lot of what I like to call, "word obsession". It's not bad, for you can't help it. The example sentence: "He decided to search for May, but the more he went deeper into the cave, the more darker it got until nothing was visible." You have the obsession with the word "more". Don't worry, you're not alone, I've seen it all around. It's just that it's not needed. Here, check out the revised version with the word "more" taken out. It didn't need a second appearance. He decided to search for May, but the more he went deeper into the cave, the darker it got until nothing was visible.

    Second, I found "repition of name". The example sentence "He then heard a small faint cry and Drew tried following it but it faded away rapidly." our senence before this one already told us we're only seeing Drew, so you don't need to mention who it is until another character comes into play. The revised version - He then heard a small faint cry and he tried following it but it faded away rapidly.
    That sentence is also one of the many runon sentences I found. It nothing really bad, it's just annoying for a reader to endure. Take your time, and don't rush. Runon sentences are the spawn of rushing ideas. Which, this is a good thing, you have a lot of ideas popping in and out all the time, which gives your story a lot of spunk, but don't overdo it. ^^; Revised further - He then heard a small faint cry and he tried to follow it. Unfortunatly, it faded away rapidly, and he could no longer follow. Or something like that. Let your sentences flow freely.

    I saw one instance of "wrong dialog". Example - "Duskull," said one of the Duskulls that stepped forward. Duskull can't "step" because they have no legs or feet. A better word to use would be "float" or something to that extent. It's all in the word choice, nothing to worry about, only to improve. ^^

    And here is where my greatest challenge with you lies. Example - Drew thought that maybe that's where May probably is, so Drew entered slowly into the cave. You and your "time zone" dilema. XP We've been working on this since Prologue...you seem to find yourself in the position "is this happening now or did it already happen?" Words like "is" and "are" are words that are happening now, as we speak. Words like "did", verb"-ed", and "was" indicate that something already happend and you are telling the story. Most of your story has "already happened and you are telling it to us". Don't mix it up, it confuses readers. I know you'll get it, just a little bit more time you need.

    Besides that, your plots and intentions are great. I'm flattered what you told me online, that you use mine and others' stories to help with yours. That's a really nice skill. Also, read books! lol They also help in coming up with details, style, and other things. I hope this list helps you when proofreading your next episode. Can't wait for it! ^^
    Your buddy - Encyclopika ^^
  18. MayShuufan

    MayShuufan Mrs Brendan Birch ^^

    Nice chappie Sweet May and was enjoyable to read. Anyway it was good but you could of told us why the Gastly we're suddenly helping May and Drew cause that was a bit confusing. It was still good though anyway update soon.
  19. WindyNight

    WindyNight Guest

    Great Chapter, Sweet May! I enjoyed reading it! ^^
    Can't wait to see the third chapter!
  20. ~Mist~

    ~Mist~ revolutionary~

    Very sweet so far. Keep trying at it and I'm sure that this fic will become great! ;) PM me once your new chapter is up! ^_^


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