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Creation (Galactific, R100)

Blackjack Gabbiani

Blackjack Gabbiani

Clearly we're great!
I'm sorry, but what? What does my cosplay or having a job revoked have to do with ANY of this? I have no idea why you would bring those into this.

You also don't say what it was you found bad about the fic other than some vague point about how you can't populate a world with robots (remember though, we're not talking about me, we're talking about Cyrus and his "company of machines" thing). Could you actually TELL me what you found "ugh" about it?
 
Psychic

Psychic

Really and truly
Some of you need to learn how to respond to a fic without throwing out veiled insults or just saying "this story is bad" or "you chose a bad subject" or what have you without backing up your statements with reasoning, examples or ways she can possibly improve it. SPAM will be treated as SPAM, and I would advise making sure you know how we define SPAM here before screwing yourselves over.

~Psychic
 
L

lugia*master

Cheese XD
I like the new one ^^

Nice use of the "white void", it gives a good impression upon us that he is indeed in such a state of mind that he believes he is of the utmost importance in the universe, describing it as though others are merely tools for his gain. Liked the way you described the commanders, and how they react to the way they are treated. It gives me a kind of feeling , you know, that feeling that your kind of small compared to everything else, which is good. Brilliant job! ;)

How to improve:

I thought the description was effective, and put to good use, but was somewhat scarce in parts. Like the part where you described what happened when he woke up, that was quite strange when working it out, so it could use a little more sprucing up. Simple description could make it better.

The context was good, quite psychologically questioning, but I thought the bit about the "Wall" could use some more description and attention, because it gave me th impression that it's in a small white room, when you went on to say that it was a "void", or a "universe", so it kinda backtracked on itself. Nothing wrong, but I think it was merely set out wrong.

Other than that, it was great. ;D
 
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Blackjack Gabbiani

Blackjack Gabbiani

Clearly we're great!
Actually
[spoil]that *is* the impression I want to give considering that's where he really is but isn't aware of it. Or did you mean that he should be describing closer to what he thinks it is?[/spoil]
 
L

lugia*master

Cheese XD
Exactly what I meant ^^ The description was kind of light from both perspectives, but I kinda got the idea of what you were trying to get across. ;)
 
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