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Dear Purrloin, (one-shot)

Dear Purrloin,


How are you?

I really miss you.

I keep asking Mom when you’ll come back and when I can pet you again.

But she always tells me the same thing:

“I don’t know.”

Then I feel sad, and Mom feels sad, and Dad feels sad, too.

And Hugh gets mad. Very, very mad.

I still remember the day you went away. I was playing with you and Hugh in the living room with a paper bag, your favorite paper bag. You were very happy, and I was very happy, and Hugh was even happier than both of us! And then...

And then…

They arrived…

And you were gone.

Whenever I feel sad or mad or bad about missing you, Dad tells me to try writing a letter to you. He says that writing letters to someone will make you miss that someone less.

I tell him that writing a letter is hard and that he can do it better, and that you won’t be able to read it. So I never write one.

But Dad says that no one can write a better letter to you than I can. And he says that just writing the letter, even if I don’t send it to you and even if you won’t read it, will cheer me up.

And he told me that you’ll be happy because you’ll know that I’m thinking about you.

I want to be happy, and I know you want to be happy, too.

So here goes.

Do you remember the first time we met?

Grandpa visited me that day and gave me a Poké Ball. I told Mom and Dad that I really wanted my own Pokémon, so I was very excited. I never told you about this, but Hugh had to teach me how to use your Poké Ball that day! I was so scared of breaking it.

When you came out of the Poké Ball, I thought you were the cutest Pokémon I’ve ever seen. Grandpa said you were the cutest out of all the Purrloin in the day care center, too! And when I heard you meow for the first time, it made me very, very happy.

That happened a long, long time ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

Do you remember that day too, Purrloin?

Purrloin is such a cute name. Hugh told me that many trainers nickname their favorite Pokémon, but I wanted you to keep the name Purrloin.

Do you know why? Because it’s already the best name for you! I love hearing your soft purrs when I pet you or when I watch you sleep. And your name shows that!

Oh, I never told you about that, did I? Sometimes I watch you sleep because it makes me happy. You look so calm that I feel calm, too. You don’t even have to do anything but sleep to make me smile!

But you do a lot of things that make me smile.

Whenever you rub your body past my leg, it makes me smile.

Whenever you go to my bed and wish me good night, it makes me smile.

Whenever you eat your dinner with me, it makes me smile.

Whenever I see you, it makes me smile.

I hope you still remember all of that, Purrloin.

Hugh told me that when he's old enough to go on his journey, he'll find you and bring me back home. He promised me that when he beats the gym leaders and grows stronger, he’ll get you back from those mean thieves.

And when you return, that will give me the biggest smile of all.

Promise me you’ll come back, okay? Just like Hugh promised me he’ll get you back. I have your favorite paper bag waiting for you, too!

But until then, I’ll keep writing letters to you, and I’ll keep sharing happy memories so we can both smile.

I miss you, Purrloin.

See you soon.​

Love,

Hazel




This is based on an old piece I wrote for college, and for some reason I felt like revisiting it and reworking it into this one-shot. That piece, in turn, was based on my favorite children’s book of all time, Sharon Creech’s Love That Dog. I’m still amazed by how that book handles such heavy themes in a way that makes it reachable to children, and I tried my hand in doing that both with the old piece and this one-shot.

“Dear Purrloin,” (yes, the comma is part of the title) is based on the (unnamed) younger sister of the rival character (whose default name is Hugh) in Black 2 and White 2. As Hugh himself reminds us quite a number of times in the game, his journey is fueled by seeking revenge on Team Plasma, who stole his sister’s Purrloin five years before the events of the game. Since we already hear Hugh’s thoughts on the matter, I wanted to explore how his younger sister reacted to the event, seeing as the Pokémon stolen was hers.

I hope I got that child-like voice down, since imo it’s the most difficult element about writing something aimed for children. Comments and criticism on the matter and on anything else are more than appreciated!

Thank you for reading “Dear Purrloin,”. :)
 
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diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
Purrloin is such a cute name. Hugh told me that many trainers nickname their favorite Pokémon, but I wanted you to keep the name Purrloin.

Do you know why? Because it’s already the best name for you! I love hearing your soft purrs when I pet you or when I watch you sleep. And your name shows that!

Lol, I liked this twist of not nicknaming Purrloin something silly like "Kitty".

Anyway, the emotions in this hit hard, even though it was all very simply worded and phrased. What made this piece was the child-like voice you had going - it was very spot-on and impactful, and the things you chose to focus on (like what made the child smile and how writing a letter might help ease the pain) helped make this one-shot a nice bittersweet read. Looking forward to more from you, as always!
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
I too thought you did the sister's child voice there well and the part where she mentions not nicknaming her Purrloin is cute. One other part I thought is cute is where she mentioned seeing her Purrlion sleeping and rubbing her makes her happy. I relate to that so well with my cats haha.

Overall very cute! Ahhhh I keep saying to myself I'll check one of your stories soon and I missed several of them already lol. If they're in the completed works section, perhaps I'll still comment on them soon.
 
Lol, I liked this twist of not nicknaming Purrloin something silly like "Kitty".

Anyway, the emotions in this hit hard, even though it was all very simply worded and phrased. What made this piece was the child-like voice you had going - it was very spot-on and impactful, and the things you chose to focus on (like what made the child smile and how writing a letter might help ease the pain) helped make this one-shot a nice bittersweet read. Looking forward to more from you, as always!

Thanks so much! I'm really glad that you found the child-like voice successful—it was definitely the biggest challenge for me in writing this. And I'll promise I'll review your characters' letters soon! :p


I too thought you did the sister's child voice there well and the part where she mentions not nicknaming her Purrloin is cute. One other part I thought is cute is where she mentioned seeing her Purrlion sleeping and rubbing her makes her happy. I relate to that so well with my cats haha.

Overall very cute! Ahhhh I keep saying to myself I'll check one of your stories soon and I missed several of them already lol. If they're in the completed works section, perhaps I'll still comment on them soon.

Bay! It's been a while. :D Glad to see both of you liked the part with the nicknaming (or lack thereof). And heh, I'm glad I got a cat-owner's approval because I had to research a bit on how cats act because I'm a dog-owner myself. Really surprised by how the rubbing-the-legs thing is actually common. I thought only the stray cats back in college did it hahaha.

Heh, that's all right! Most of them are in the completed section now, yeah. A big thank you for this review though! :D
 

FlamingRuby

The magic of Pokemon
Aw, this was very sweet, and as the proud owner of my own little kitty (who is currently sleeping on my PC tower as I type), that research definitely paid off--it really helps bring your character to life.

I still wonder how this Purrloin was Poke-napped, and why--do you plan to explore this? If you don't want to, that's fine. But if you want to explore this world and these characters, I want to know more about this Purrloin.
 

Polipuff

Artisan of Words
hey, here's something interesting!

But first:

That piece, in turn, was based on my favourite children’s book of all time, Sharon Creech’s Love That Dog.

That book brings back so many of my primary school memories, lol. I actually wrote a complex paragraph for my class on my theory of when the SPOILER ALERT dog died.

Have you read the new one, Hate That Cat? (I haven't though).

Anyway, I love how you did this "letter" as well. Definitely resembles the book, and hits you in the feels.
 
Aw, this was very sweet, and as the proud owner of my own little kitty (who is currently sleeping on my PC tower as I type), that research definitely paid off--it really helps bring your character to life.

I still wonder how this Purrloin was Poke-napped, and why--do you plan to explore this? If you don't want to, that's fine. But if you want to explore this world and these characters, I want to know more about this Purrloin.

Thank you so much! I'm glad this gets a pass from cat-owners like you. :p I don't have any plans for it yet, but I may expand on this story in the future! I'm particularly interested in writing about Hugh - he's my second favorite rival after Wally, and the BW2 games have a lot of material to work with regarding him and Purrloin. Thanks for the review! :D


Have you read the new one, Hate That Cat? (I haven't though).

Anyway, I love how you did this "letter" as well. Definitely resembles the book, and hits you in the feels.

Out-of-topic and spoilery stuff about Love That Dog and Hate That Cat in the spoiler tag! (I suggest you spoiler tag that big reveal too. :p)

Love That Dog is so, so good. I was only able to read it when I was in college when a children's lit prof recommended it and I found a copy in one of those cheap bookstores, but damn it hit so hard when Sky died. How Creech presents Jack's grief progressively in relation to the poetry class is so special that every time I re-read it, it makes the book better. I'd love to hear what you thought about the death! We didn't talk about it much in class - my prof just recommended that we read it because she loves it - so getting to discuss it with someone would be awesome ahaha.

I have read Hate That Cat, and while it doesn't have that same kind of magic as Love That Dog, it's still very good. The form is pretty much the same, and it functions as a sort-of sequel, but it has a different story to tell. I still recommend it though!

In any case I'm glad you like this piece! It's a huge honor to see it be compared to that incredible book. Thank you so much! :D
 

Hakajin

Obsessive Shipper
Ugh, this got to me because... a lot of stuff happened, and I got evicted from my home, and I've had to live in hotels... The point being that I couldn't take my cats with me. They were boarded for a long time, and then someone was keeping them... But she had to take them home with her to Kentucky. One of my cats is really happy there, likes the lady's kid better than he liked me or my dad (I'm fine with them keeping him, since he's happy there and they love him)... But the other one was really attached to me and my dad, and it sounds like she was depressed or anxious to me, because she was quiet and not usually affectionate with the new family. She died earlier this year... it makes me sad to think about her being lonely and missing us... I still think about her a lot.

Anyway, I thought you did a great job depicting what the narrator and Purrloin's relationship was like-- how they interacted, the kind of effect Purrloin had on her. It seemed very much like how a real little girl would be with her cat. There's something very intimate about the narration here, the way you're seeing just the two of them together.

Overall, the voice does sound childlike... But I thought the repetition was a little much. It's fine when you're talking about how the narrator being sad makes everyone else sad, because you're talking about cause and effect. But when you get to the part about "I was very happy, and you were very happy," etc., it felt a little like someone trying to sound like a child. Especially since it was the second repetition like that; it sounded like a literary device. I felt that strongest with the repetition of "it makes me smile." I dunno, it just sounds like a more deliberate effect than I think you want for the character. Also with, "And then... they arrived... and you were gone." Sounds purposefully vague... which it is, but I feel like a little kid would be more likely to just say exactly what happened...You know, I'm not sure how much of a problem that is, because, well, it's not real life; the word "art" is related to the word "artifice," after all. Literary devices are a part of writing. But with that last point, I think it'd actually be more effective for the story if we knew what happened. I was wondering, did the Purrloin have to be put down or something? Are the parents just lying to make her feel better? I got the impression that wasn't the case when she started talking about Hugh going off to find Purrloin, but for most of the story, I wasn't sure exactly how I was supposed to feel.

Writing a younger character is hard. You'd think it'd be easier writing with less sophisticated vocabulary and phrasing, but it's not; you end up having to write around things, using more words to describe something when you know a more concise word or phrase. It's especially hard when your character is just relating things as they come to her.

Other than that... oh, it seemed a little weird that this was written five years later. Like, I get that you find out about this five years later in the game, but... Why is she writing it now, when she didn't then? What inspired her all of a sudden? Besides that, I think it just has more of an emotional impact if it's closer to the event, because you know it's still raw for the character. It doesn't have to be immediately after, you can still keep the part about hesitating to write.

But overall, it was a good read, very simple and moving!
 
Well that was positively adorable, it succedeed on putting a big smile on my face and it tugged pretty hard at my heartstrings.

Good job with that.

Thanks so much! I'm glad it was effective in conveying the emotions I wanted it to. :)


Ugh, this got to me because... a lot of stuff happened, and I got evicted from my home, and I've had to live in hotels... The point being that I couldn't take my cats with me. They were boarded for a long time, and then someone was keeping them... But she had to take them home with her to Kentucky. One of my cats is really happy there, likes the lady's kid better than he liked me or my dad (I'm fine with them keeping him, since he's happy there and they love him)... But the other one was really attached to me and my dad, and it sounds like she was depressed or anxious to me, because she was quiet and not usually affectionate with the new family. She died earlier this year... it makes me sad to think about her being lonely and missing us... I still think about her a lot.

Anyway, I thought you did a great job depicting what the narrator and Purrloin's relationship was like-- how they interacted, the kind of effect Purrloin had on her. It seemed very much like how a real little girl would be with her cat. There's something very intimate about the narration here, the way you're seeing just the two of them together.

Before anything else: Hi Hakajin! I always look forward to your thorough reviews.

And...I apologize for making you think about your cat, but I really, really appreciate you sharing it. I'm sure your cat appreciated you thinking about her like that. :)

I'm glad that that part was believable! I really wanted to depict how much it meant to her that her Purrloin wasn't with her anymore since that really isn't conveyed much in the games.

Overall, the voice does sound childlike... But I thought the repetition was a little much. It's fine when you're talking about how the narrator being sad makes everyone else sad, because you're talking about cause and effect. But when you get to the part about "I was very happy, and you were very happy," etc., it felt a little like someone trying to sound like a child. Especially since it was the second repetition like that; it sounded like a literary device. I felt that strongest with the repetition of "it makes me smile." I dunno, it just sounds like a more deliberate effect than I think you want for the character.

Ah, very much noted on this! I get what you're trying to say, and I agree that I could improve on where to use repetition and where to hold it back to make it sound more natural. Thanks!

Also with, "And then... they arrived... and you were gone." Sounds purposefully vague... which it is, but I feel like a little kid would be more likely to just say exactly what happened...You know, I'm not sure how much of a problem that is, because, well, it's not real life; the word "art" is related to the word "artifice," after all. Literary devices are a part of writing. But with that last point, I think it'd actually be more effective for the story if we knew what happened. I was wondering, did the Purrloin have to be put down or something? Are the parents just lying to make her feel better? I got the impression that wasn't the case when she started talking about Hugh going off to find Purrloin, but for most of the story, I wasn't sure exactly how I was supposed to feel.

Ah, this is a fault in my part as I think I depended on the reader knowing a bit about the games' plot to fill in the blanks. In the games, the child's Purrloin was stolen by Team Plasma, which is who "they" is referring to. I figured that it wasn't something that she wanted to mention because of the negative emotions attached to it, but I'll see what I can do about that reveal!

Writing a younger character is hard. You'd think it'd be easier writing with less sophisticated vocabulary and phrasing, but it's not; you end up having to write around things, using more words to describe something when you know a more concise word or phrase. It's especially hard when your character is just relating things as they come to her.

Completely agree. It's part of why I'm fascinated about the whole genre!

Other than that... oh, it seemed a little weird that this was written five years later. Like, I get that you find out about this five years later in the game, but... Why is she writing it now, when she didn't then? What inspired her all of a sudden? Besides that, I think it just has more of an emotional impact if it's closer to the event, because you know it's still raw for the character. It doesn't have to be immediately after, you can still keep the part about hesitating to write.

But overall, it was a good read, very simple and moving!

Ah, good point! I did connect it to the game's events and tried to make it consistent with that (i.e., with Hugh having already left for his journey by the end of this letter it had to have been written five years later). I'm thinking of not making this the first letter instead of making it being written sooner, but we'll see!

And a huge thank you for the review! Really appreciate it. :D
 

Hakajin

Obsessive Shipper
Before anything else: Hi Hakajin! I always look forward to your thorough reviews.

And...I apologize for making you think about your cat, but I really, really appreciate you sharing it. I'm sure your cat appreciated you thinking about her like that.

I'm glad that that part was believable! I really wanted to depict how much it meant to her that her Purrloin wasn't with her anymore since that really isn't conveyed much in the games.

Hi! Thanks, glad I can help! No need to apologize! I just meant, I can relate. Thanks for saying that.

Completely agree. It's part of why I'm fascinated about the whole genre!

Really? I kind of don't like it so much. There are so many times when I know the right word or phrase, or a clever way of putting things... but I can't do it, because Satsumi wouldn't put it that way. Her characterization is the most important thing to me, but sometimes I hate having to sacrifice my diction.

Ah, good point! I did connect it to the game's events and tried to make it consistent with that (i.e., with Hugh having already left for his journey by the end of this letter it had to have been written five years later). I'm thinking of not making this the first letter instead of making it being written sooner, but we'll see!

And a huge thank you for the review! Really appreciate it.

Oh, I see, you want it to be set after Hugh has already left. I think it'd still be strongest, though, if it's the first letter... Maybe at this point, Hugh has just promised her that he'll find Purrloin for her? I think that'd work. No problem!
 
This was so cute! Which may just be because I know it ends relatively happily in the games if I'm remembering right, but still! I think the fact that this is already resolved both hurts and helps a little. On the one hand, it's certainly a little less devastating when you know she'll be getting Purrloin back (albeit a little bigger and wilder). That's not to say that knowing the ending makes emotions not worth examining, otherwise I wouldn't bother rewatching all of my favorite TV shows. But I do think the emotional impact is definitely softened a bit, which was maybe the point (after all, this is just a child, so maybe you didn't feel a darker story was exactly appropriate).

However, I also think knowing the resolution emphasizes another part of this in a really positive way. Hazel's shaky optimism is all the more precious knowing it paid off and didn't wither and die at such a young age. The fact that she knows this won't really help bring Purrloin but she writes it anyway because what else can she do and, hey, you never know, is the perfect mix of desperate and hopeful, and the childlike voice only helped (although I do agree that the repetition maybe pushed it slightly into the zone of "I'm reading fan fiction" as opposed to "I'm reading Hazel's letter"). It was that, and not the sadness, that hit the hardest for me and brought this up a notch.

I also like the fact that this explored a little on what I thought was criminally underdeveloped plot point in the games. My favorite fanfics are usually the ones that fill in the gaps in canon events, so of course I'm all about this. I'm torn between thinking this is a little sparse on the details and could use some meat on the bones and also understanding that writing from a child's perspective would probably mean the story should be simple like this. I still can't shake the feeling that this is missing a little something, though. I'm not sure, but maybe multiple letters or having this be a more specific reaction to Purrloin being stolen would give it some more direction, whereas right now it's kind of all over the place. As is, I guess it's more realistic as a little kid's letter, but as a piece of fiction it does feel a little bare.

Regardless, I really liked this! It was sweet and touching with just a hint of a tragedy never to come. And it focused on a character that somehow got barely any attention! Great work as always! :)
 
I can't believe I haven't reply to your review!

[Imaginative]:[Clockwork];18377457 said:
This was so cute! Which may just be because I know it ends relatively happily in the games if I'm remembering right, but still! I think the fact that this is already resolved both hurts and helps a little. On the one hand, it's certainly a little less devastating when you know she'll be getting Purrloin back (albeit a little bigger and wilder). That's not to say that knowing the ending makes emotions not worth examining, otherwise I wouldn't bother rewatching all of my favorite TV shows. But I do think the emotional impact is definitely softened a bit, which was maybe the point (after all, this is just a child, so maybe you didn't feel a darker story was exactly appropriate).

Thank you! And hah, I get that. Yes, it does end relatively happily for Hazel in the games. I wanted to expand on how she would've felt in between Purrloin's disappearance and return, which I guess isn't "dark" per se but more on the softer and emotional side - as compared to Hugh's louder and angrier side.


[Imaginative]:[Clockwork];18377457 said:
However, I also think knowing the resolution emphasizes another part of this in a really positive way. Hazel's shaky optimism is all the more precious knowing it paid off and didn't wither and die at such a young age. The fact that she knows this won't really help bring Purrloin but she writes it anyway because what else can she do and, hey, you never know, is the perfect mix of desperate and hopeful, and the childlike voice only helped (although I do agree that the repetition maybe pushed it slightly into the zone of "I'm reading fan fiction" as opposed to "I'm reading Hazel's letter"). It was that, and not the sadness, that hit the hardest for me and brought this up a notch.

Thank you for saying that! It was definitely an interesting setup from the beginning which is why I decided to go with it, and I'm glad it paid off for you! Duly noted on the repetition comment, too. That'll be very helpful, as you'll see later.


[Imaginative]:[Clockwork];18377457 said:
I also like the fact that this explored a little on what I thought was criminally underdeveloped plot point in the games. My favorite fanfics are usually the ones that fill in the gaps in canon events, so of course I'm all about this. I'm torn between thinking this is a little sparse on the details and could use some meat on the bones and also understanding that writing from a child's perspective would probably mean the story should be simple like this. I still can't shake the feeling that this is missing a little something, though. I'm not sure, but maybe multiple letters or having this be a more specific reaction to Purrloin being stolen would give it some more direction, whereas right now it's kind of all over the place. As is, I guess it's more realistic as a little kid's letter, but as a piece of fiction it does feel a little bare.

Regardless, I really liked this! It was sweet and touching with just a hint of a tragedy never to come. And it focused on a character that somehow got barely any attention! Great work as always! :)

Heh, you and me both! All these filling-in-the-gaps type of narratives are always the msot compelling ones for me, so I have a lot of fun writing them!

And ah, very much noted on the bareness of the whole thing. I did intend this to only be one letter because the piece it was based on (the one I wrote years ago) was also one letter, and the project of that was to convey the whole narrative within that small space. I felt it was adequate considering that (and by extension, this one-shot) is meant to be a children's story, so I guess it adds to the challenge of having to make that small amount of space feel full of content and not bare, so I'll see what I can do about that!

And by that I mean that I am definitely planning a sequel for this, and I'm convinced that I'll take the multiple letters route for that one so I can better convey Hazel and what she's going through. I'm hoping I write it soon enough for the contest, but it's definitely a project I wanna finish sooner or later!

So a huge thank you for all the comments, [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]! They'll definitely be helpful moving forward. :D
 
Hey, so just a quick update with this: I made a small but pretty significant edit that I thought warranted a post. I took Hakajin's comment about the timing of when this letter was written, and edited a line about how Hazel wrote this letter soon after Purrloin was stolen, which means Hugh is still pretty young to go on his journey.

I thought about it, and it felt better placing it that way. That, and it'll flow into the sequel, "Dear Liepard," much better.

So yeah, just thought I'd post about it. :)
 
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The Teller

King of Half-Truths
Aw yeah, getting reviews due to a review-based event! I herd u liek Mudkipz, AND reviews! So I’ll give you one. Keep reading to find out which one!

Something I had going on in the back of my mind the entire time is, what age is Hugh’s sister? If I recall, the sprite they use in the game is the same one they use for the preschooler trainer class. So if the sister is around age 4, then she is NOT writing as eloquently as you have here. If she’s closer to 10, however, then the language used is more appropriate. The ambiguity doesn’t help matters.

And then…

They arrived…

And you were gone.


As others have said, this seems more like a literary device than something a child would write. Especially if this is supposed to be a letter no one would read in-universe, a child wouldn’t beat around the bush when calling out names…unless what they’re naming has a reputation of coming after kids when their name is invoked, like a boogeyman of sorts.

Like the others, I like the fact that the girl didn’t nickname the Purrloin. The reasoning behind it is cute. Personally, I never nickname my Pokémon. It helped me remember the species’ name; plus, what gives me the right to rename something that the franchise is increasingly saying are human-level intelligent beings?

Whenever you rub your body past my leg, it makes me smile.

As, yes, yet another cat owner, I can add to the pile of “yes, this happens a lot” comments. I remember reading somewhere once that cats do this basically to mark you as their property, so all other cats in the area know that you are only allowed to give food to your cat. This makes sense, as cats do not see you as their master or companion, but rather as a vending machine.

The “whenever you do this, it makes me smile” repetition is also in the realm of “this is not how a child thinks, this is how an author writes.” It’s beautiful, but not realistic, and when you’re trying to go for realistic, you might have to sacrifice some beauty for authenticity. (Or you can handwave it away by offhandedly having the girl mention doing poetry in her class, which implies she’s practicing her skills here.)

I do like this story. It’s short and sweet and helps explain how Purrloin’s actual owner felt about its disappearance, moreso than what the game provided. It felt like she actually owned a cat. The only real problem is that, due to not knowing her actual age, along with the implication provided by the game that she’s really young, it at times doesn’t sound like a child writing it at all. The others have given great suggestions, so I’ll not add onto that, especially considering that there’s apparently a sequel to read. All in all, a good read.
 
Something I had going on in the back of my mind the entire time is, what age is Hugh’s sister? If I recall, the sprite they use in the game is the same one they use for the preschooler trainer class. So if the sister is around age 4, then she is NOT writing as eloquently as you have here. If she’s closer to 10, however, then the language used is more appropriate. The ambiguity doesn’t help matters.

As others have said, this seems more like a literary device than something a child would write. Especially if this is supposed to be a letter no one would read in-universe, a child wouldn’t beat around the bush when calling out names…unless what they’re naming has a reputation of coming after kids when their name is invoked, like a boogeyman of sorts.

Ah, thanks for the really helpful comment! I imagine her to be around six years old when she's writing this, but I can definitely make that more obvious in the revision, as well as make her voice much more consistent with her age. I'm planning on revising this by combining it with the sequel and letting the story progress through her letters, so I'm definitely gonna pay attention to how I write her letters to make sure her age remains realistic.

And that includes being mindful of those literary devices, yeah. So thanks for pointing this and the "It makes me smile" lines!


Like the others, I like the fact that the girl didn’t nickname the Purrloin. The reasoning behind it is cute. Personally, I never nickname my Pokémon. It helped me remember the species’ name; plus, what gives me the right to rename something that the franchise is increasingly saying are human-level intelligent beings?

As, yes, yet another cat owner, I can add to the pile of “yes, this happens a lot” comments. I remember reading somewhere once that cats do this basically to mark you as their property, so all other cats in the area know that you are only allowed to give food to your cat. This makes sense, as cats do not see you as their master or companion, but rather as a vending machine.

Heh, I'm 50/50 with nicknaming, but I felt like if the Purrloin had a nickname, it wouldn't be consistent with the games. So I just went with having to explain why it didn't have one in the first place, ahaha.

That one in particular is based on real-life experiences for me, ahaha, since there were stray cats back in university that kept on marking me and my friends as their vending machines. Glad it worked well for you!


I do like this story. It’s short and sweet and helps explain how Purrloin’s actual owner felt about its disappearance, moreso than what the game provided. It felt like she actually owned a cat. The only real problem is that, due to not knowing her actual age, along with the implication provided by the game that she’s really young, it at times doesn’t sound like a child writing it at all. The others have given great suggestions, so I’ll not add onto that, especially considering that there’s apparently a sequel to read. All in all, a good read.

Thank you for the helpful comments, The Teller! I'll definitely work on making her voice and tone more realistic for her age when I'm revising this and its sequel. It's definitely something I want to improve since it's a big part of the story.
 
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