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Death by Moonlight (one-shot, horror)

Typhlogirl

keep battling on!
*waves* OMG hay gaiz, I'm bak!!!1one

I realise I sort of disappeared from the ficcing forums once my Pokemon Rebellion fic concluded, and I wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive and well, and still writing. =D This is a one-shot that I had originally intended to make a chaptered fic out of, but the pressures of RL don't give me much time to write, so I trashed that idea and made this a one shot instead. The result is a fic far darker than I originally intended, but that's the fun of it. >=)

And now, to announce my dramatic *coughsplutter* return to the Fan Fic Forums (lol alliteration is fun lol), here is my ex-chaptered fic one shot.

Warning: This fic is rated M for disturbing themes. Don't read if you don't like horror, nuff said. Oh, and there's some naughty words too.



Death by Moonlight​



The room was cold, and didn’t invite confidence.

The single light bulb dangling precariously from a fraying wire provided the only source of illumination, and it was clear it had seen better days. Occasionally the globe would flicker and, for a split second, all the shadows hiding away from the light would rise up to claim the stone, windowless space for their own, only to be beaten back when the bulb regained its composure. The blank desk was wooden, with chips and scratches running along its legs like scars. Its only company were two chairs, similarly wooden, one in front and one behind. It was in the front chair that the man now sat, trying to warm himself up in the face of this hauntingly depressing living space. But it wasn’t the cold that caused him to shiver and tremble. It was the thought of the person he was about to meet.

They called him the ‘Moonlight Assassin’, and the romantic name fitted the owner accordingly. Famous in the underworld (or infamous, it didn’t really matter which) for his efficiency and professionalism, he was known to be able to kill a person without being in their immediate vicinity. Not much of a claim to fame in the world of sniper rifles and infra-red technology, but that was exact the thing for which he was renowned. He used no weapons. He left no traces. He was like a ghost. And he wasn’t cheap.

For a fee, the size of which depended on the security of the target, he would make whoever the client desired disappear. He could even give the client a choice on the cause of death. Heart attack? Brain haemorrhage? Blood clots? Any instant fatal ailment was no problem. The choice was free. A perk of the deal. A bonus gift.

A bit of…fun.

Two payments were made, half at the commencement of the deal and the other half once the target had been eliminated. He only accepted cash. No credit cards or cheques. Cold hard cash or no deal. Woe betide any man who tried to deceive the Moonlight Assassin with forged notes or fake promises. I.O.U’s were not an option. Once he was satisfied with the authenticity of the payment, details were given about the requested style of death. He did everything from brutal revenge killings to carefully constructed political assassinations. No client was turned away if he (or she for that matter, he couldn’t count the number of husbands he had disposed of) was willing to pay his price. Any business was good business, in his eyes, and business showed no signs of slowing down. He was throwing all the other hired killers in the underground into the harsh seas of redundancy, after which they quickly sank to bankruptcies locker. He was the dealer of death, and the customer’s were quite satisfied.

It was these stories of amazing assassinations that had lead the man down through the winding tunnel’s of Goldenrod’s underground to this dank little room. He had expected something with furnishings that were a little easier on the eyes, what with the dough this guy was rolling in. Everyone wanted him to work for them. He was a gangster’s dream. He had only one condition though. He would only work at night, under the moonlight. It was this trait that had earned him the nickname ‘Moonlight Assassin’. He didn’t have any others.

A sudden chill seemed to grip the room, and the man shuddered legitimately from the cold.

Flicker flicker. Shadows.

And then, seemingly out of nowhere, came a voice.

“What brings you to my humble abode?”

The man nearly fell out of his chair in shock, for across the empty expanses of the desk, a figure now filled the vacant chair. It was difficult to discern any real details, as it was shrouded in a chocolate brown cloak that covered the body right up to the hood that kept the face hidden in shadow. Under the cloak, the man could see that the figure had a slim torso, with the beginnings of wide, almost feminine hips. ‘A woman?’ was the first thing the flickered across the man’s mind, but the voice emanating from under the shrouds of the hood quickly dispelled these thoughts, as it had a rich, masculine tone to it. The figure was positioned comfortably, as if waiting for his guest to initiate a conversation.

“Are you…are you the Moonlight Assassin?” spluttered the man, whose voice was thin and reedy, the polar opposite of the warm, full tone of the cloaked figure.

“That’s what they call me, I believe.” came the reply.

The man’s eyes seemed to widen at this new knowledge, and a strange excitement overtook him. “I need you to take care of someone for me.”

The voice immediately grew cold and businesslike. “Can you afford my…services is the question. I’m not cheap.”

“I got money!” cried the man, whose body matched his voice. He scrambled around in his pocket for a while, before tossing a wad of bills toward the figure. It landed on the wooden surface with a dull slap. Like a snake, one shrouded arm slithered out slowly across the desk, and enveloped the money, not once letting any appendages show. He lowered it underneath the desk, and the hood inclined as the figure presumably counted the money, as a soft flicking sound filled the air.

“You’ll get that much again when the jobs done.”

The hood returned to its original upright position. “Judging by the generous amount of payment you have promised me, I assume the target is of some importance?”

“It’s me brother.” snarled the man, who was now the ‘client’ in the assassin’s eyes.

“You want me to kill your own flesh and blood?” Far from sounding horrified, the figure’s voice had a hint of amusement flavouring it.

“He ain’t my flesh and blood. Not anymore!” The man continued to snarl. “Not after what he did to me!”

“May I enquire as to what his crime was, if it isn’t too bold?”

The man waved away the pleasantries. “He squealed on me. Ratted me out to the cops. I’m ex-Rocket, ya see. Ten years I spent in the slammer. Ten-effing-years! All because that mangy sonovabitch had a good old heart-to-heart with the local constable about his ‘disgraceful older brother’. I went through hell in that place. You know what the guards would do? They’d let the electric pokemon guarding the fences chase us around the courtyard, zapping us half to death. And all they did was watch and laugh.”

“Then wouldn’t it make more sense to have a vendetta against the guards rather than your brother?”

The man rummaged in his pocket again, and pulled out a crumpled packet from which he drew an equally crumpled cigarette. “You don’t mind if I smoke, dooya?”

“By all means, smoke away.” The voice had not lost its note of amusement.

The man lit his cigarette with a lighter then took a long drag before continuing his story. “Nah. There are too many guards I want dead. Can’t afford ‘em all. Besides, he was the mofo that put me there in the first place. And don’t you go thinkin’ anything. There ain’t no lost love between us. Once he’s dead, I’ll finally be able to sleep peacefully.”

“Perhaps it’s not your brother’s fault, but your fault for involving yourself in crime in the first place.”

The man blew a stream of grey smoke at the flickering light bulb. “You’re one to talk.”

The voice seemed to smile in its pronunciation of the word, “Touché.”

The man relaxed against the back of the wooden chair provided for him. “You ain’t so bad, yannow.” His drawl did not suit his thin voice, and made him sound excessively nasal to the point of comical. “From what my mates were saying, I was under the impression that you were some sorta monster or something. But I guess I can’t really tell with that hood. Are you like a disfigured genius or something, like that ghost of the opera or whatever his name was?”

White teeth gleamed out of the darkness of the hood in a grin. “Would you like to see my face? It won’t cost you anything.”

Visibly interested, the man leant forward. “Yeah, alright. I wouldn’t mind seeing the incredible ‘Moonlight Assassin’ in all his glory. Show us ya face.”

“If you insist.” The arms lifted upwards, the sight of the hands still obscured by the light material of the robe.

“Should I brace myself?” the man asked, sarcasm making his already nasal voice all the more grating.

“It is your choice.” The material bunched where the assassin’s hands gripped at the hood. Slowly, delicately, he eased the hood off his head, his teeth still gleaming with an unnatural whiteness.

The smile increased when his purple eyes watched the cigarette fall away from the ‘client’s’ mouth.

“What the fuck?!” he screamed, leaping to his feet, the chair clattering on the stone floor. “What the hell are you?”

Mewtwo relaxed back into his chair, smiling contentedly. “I thought that would have been obvious. I am a pokemon.”

“A…a…pokemon? Hell, you don’t look like any pokemon I’ve ever seen!” the man spluttered, backing away from the sight before him.

“Would you have preferred the Phantom of the Opera?” the psychic pokemon asked, his voice calm. The long sleeves of his robe fell away, revealing hands with three thick, stubby fingers on each. With some difficulty, he managed to link them together, and rested his chin on the platform they made, quietly observing his guest.

The man’s breathing was quick and heavy, almost in gasps. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight before him. Something about this…this thing, pokemon or whatever the hell it was scared him. Maybe it was the way those purple eyes were watching him; with a cool curiosity that was slowly cutting through his nerves, already frayed from a decade in Johto’s sadistic prison system. Out of everything his mind could conjure up, this was the last thing he had expected.

The man’s panic was starting to annoy his host. “Surely I’m not that hideous?”

Taking slow, deep breaths, the man fought to get his panic under control. The fact that the identity of the Assassin was so abstract, so unpredicted reignited his original reluctance to come face to face with the man…thing.

“Will you sit down?” It wasn’t a demand. The pokemon gestured toward the discarded chair lying haphazardly on the ground. Slowly, the man wrapped his fingers around the wooden neck, and returned the chair to its original position, before carefully lowering himself down onto it. The pokeman smiled happily.

“Now, that wasn’t too strenuous, was it?” The man made no reply. Seemingly encouraged by his client’s zombie impersonation, Mewtwo continued to speak in a calm, optimistic voice.

“It sure does feel good to get that thick hood off my head; the material was cooking me alive under there.” Despite this, the rest of his body was still shielded by the brown robes. “I should get air-conditioning in here. Goldenrod’s climate is so unpredictable sometimes. Hot one minute, arctic the next.” If the man had been watching his host, he would have noticed that the smile illuminating his face had suddenly grown cold, and twisted into a smirk. But his eyes were downcast, as if he feared to view the creature sitting sophisticatedly before him. Mewtwo began to lose his patience, and his smirky smile faded.

“I grow tired of this. You were interesting before you decided to stop talking. Let me try to reignite our conversation. Did I mention I had a visit from your brother?”

The man’s head snapped up so fast Mewtwo was sure he heard his neck crack. “What? My brother came ‘ere?”

The cold smile returned. “Yes. About three weeks ago. We had quite a discussion about you.”

The man snarled, showing yellowed teeth. “He’s always been good at talkin about me to all the wrong people.”

“You couldn’t be more correct, Derek.” smiled the assassin.

Derek, as was the man’s name, crossed his arms aggressively. “And just what did he have to say about me to you, of all people?” He did not bother to hide the contempt that soiled his tone.

Mewtwo’s eyes gleamed, and he stood up. Derek visibly faltered slightly. The pokemon was taller than he had expected, and he now noticed that the robes opened up from the waist to flow around his large, muscular thighs. He leant forward on the table.

“You brother was right when he spoke about your stupidity, as you have made two very, very big mistakes.” he hissed. “One, you have insulted me, and two, my appearance has obviously made you forget just who I am. Do you know why your brother came to me Derek? He wanted someone gone. Someone who was a disgrace to him and his family, who had made them enemies that threatened his wife and children all because he was related to a man that had betrayed his Team Rocket squad to the authorities! Oh yes, I know the truth of your story! I know you escaped and left your team-mates to be captured by the police!” Mewtwo had now lent so far forward that his face was mere inches from the man’s sweaty, pallid features. “The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers, Derek.” he whispered. “Your brother gave me a very special task. He wants me to do to you what you wanted done to him. Poetic justice, eh? Oh, and something else you should note.”

Mewtwo moved his lips right next to the man’s ear.

“It’s a full moon.”

The man gave an inhuman cry and fell backwards off his chair, madly scrambling for the door. He shoved his head through the doorway. Mewtwo curled a cloaked arm wrapped in violet light.

This time, Mewtwo was sure he heard Derek’s neck crack as the metal door swung inward to connect with his forehead, flicking the head backward and breaking the man’s neck like a child would snap a twig. He was dead before his body hit the ground.

With a satisfied smile, Mewtwo reached into his pocket and withdrew a letter written in a neat, orderly hand.


MA,

Since I am reluctant to visit you again (no offence of course, I would just prefer to wash my hands of this unpleasantness), I have enclosed the outstanding half of your payment. I trust you to finish the job. Do with the body what you like, it doesn’t matter to me.

Thankyou for your services.



The note was unsigned, but Mewtwo didn’t care. With a flash of his violet eyes, it ignited in his hands, the smouldering particles floating down to decorate the cobblestone floor.

Since his liberation from Team Rocket, the cat-like pokemon had done some soul searching. It did not take him long to realise that he needed to exercise his psychic powers on something, anything. He wanted to develop them, perfect them. But he wanted to have fun at the same time.

Becoming an assassin was not the first occupation that sprang to his mind, and he was, initially, reluctant to pursue it as a career. To him, life was a fragile thing. But human life…that was different. Petty, disgusting little creatures, the race had done nothing but disappoint him since his birth. Granted, there was the incident with those few kids…but every species had its rare mutations.

He knew all about human greed, he knew all about human selfishness, and he knew all about human cruelty. He also knew all about the apathy humans felt toward each other, towards each others suffering. He would never kill a pokemon. A human was different. A human did not deserve the life it was blessed with. So he would help both the repressed pokemon and humans themselves. He would kill humans that other humans wanted dead. Less infuriating humans, big profit, and satisfied clients. Everybody won. Him most of all.

He had taken a passion to human literature to aid his understanding of the human mind, and the titles he had selected were both vomit-inducing and yet, disturbingly enlightening. The art of reading had come fairly easy to him, aided as he was by his psychic abilities. Every word he read in the various novels he perused excited his enthusiasm for his new work. Humans were such interesting creatures. It made the act of snuffing them out all the more enjoyable.

For it was the act of killing that excited him the most. He adored probing through the bodies of his victims with his powers, triggering the biological switches within their organs and muscles, cracking bones from the inside as to baffle the medics, reversing their blood flow to cause immediate heart failure, slowly tightening his psychic hold around their tracheas till they collapsed under the strain. He had read numerous biological text books, and committed each detail to memory. If he wasn’t an assassin, he decided, he would be a surgeon, if only to explore the human body more physically and admire the many diseases and ailments that plagued it, most of which were self inflicted by the patient.

Mewtwo turned to examine the body that lay spread-eagled on the floor, and grinned. Another toy, another test subject, another exciting autopsy. He loved being able to claim the body of his victim.

He loved playing the coroner.

Suddenly, the soft sound of nervous footsteps began to emanate from the passage that led to his room. The next unhappy client.

With a quick wave of his arm, the body lifted off the floor, surrounded in pure psychic energy. Mewtwo waved his arm again, robe flapping, and the floor in front of his desk disappeared, revealing a dark gaping hole and a staircase leading into it. The feline pokemon gently, lovingly lowered the body down into the darkness. His fun would have to wait. Business called. He lowered his arm, and the floor returned.

Mewtwo smiled, and replaced his hood, enshrouding himself in psychic shadows once again.


The woman nervously edged her way into the empty room so alike a medieval dungeon. A spluttering light globe was the only source of illumination.

Flicker flicker. The surging shadows. The beckoning seat.

The appearance.

“Welcome. So how may I help you?”

The grin.

The deal with the devil.

The beginning of the end.






-;157;
 
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Sweet Pinpuku

Happy Happiny
Oh that was creepy! But awesome nonetheless. Your descriptions were very good and I felt you got the atmosphere just perfect, it was amazing (but scarey).
Mewtwo was done especially well, I liked how you brought him back to what he was like in the movie, with no respect for human life. But it was nice to see that being an assassin was not his first choice, implies that he does like humans a little.
Fantastic one-shot Typhlogirl, very well done indeed!

;440;
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Hehe, I enjoyed this one. =D

I think my favorite part of this fic is how Derek lied for the reason why he wants his brother killed and then found out his brother wanted him killed for the real reason and then...justice is served! XD

Also, like Sweet Pinpuku said, the atmosphere is great. And the way Derek is killed (shudders XD ).

Well, good job on this fic! Hope to see more of them from you soon! ^^
 

Hahahabvc87

Always watching...
Sike would so squeal at this! ^_^

I only noticed a few weird-sounding sentences, so here they are:
Can you afford my…services is the question. I’m not cheap.”
Speaking a sentence in broken grammar really detracts from his authoritative voice. Try rephrasing it, like: "Whether you can afford my...services is the question."

“What the fuck?!” he screamed, leaping to his feet, the chair clattering on the stone floor. “What the hell are you?”
xD Censor bypass! Naughty naughty!

Thankyou for your services.
Not the most meticulous of note-writers, is he?

Back to commenting...

Very nice... very nice indeed! The fact that Mewtwo is so powerful, so knowledge thirsty, so hateful of humans yet so playful at the same time makes him very suited to the role of a creepy sadistic surgeon - exactly the job you gave him! Love the taste of ironic justice, and there are also a few catchphrases here and there that just beg to be quoted! ;p

Too bad the Legends one-shot contest deadline ended a week ago. Oh well, can't catch 'em all anyways! :p
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Hahahabvc87 said:
Sike would so squeal at this! ^_^

Heck yes, I would, and yes, I will! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!


I effing adore this portrayal of Mewtwo. ^^ Especially his love of the kill, of the human body and methods of its ruin. <3

AND DAMN, his killing methods. *_* Little lethal psychic tweaks of fragile vital systems, how boss is that? ^^ Effing scary notion, too, having something go horribly wrong within, seemingly spontaneously, with not a damned thing you can do about it. Scariness which, of course, only makes it all the cooler. X3

I have to say, I was not expecting the client to wind up being a target, taken out as he himself was soliciting a hit—that was an awesome surprise. ^^ I was also surprised when I realized that the Moonlight Assassin was actually Mewtwo—I had expected it would just be some human dude, so when I realized that it was actually HIM instead, my interest went way up. Mewtwo’s just cool as hell, period, and I have similar opinions of Pokécentric fics in general. ^^

OH. And I also loved it when Mewtwo corrected Derek about Phantom of the Opera. XD


So. Yummy, atmospheric piece with a great twist to boot. Very boss work. *applauds*
 

Kiyohime

Well-Known Member
It's good to see you popping up!

I wasn't really expecting this plot when I first began to read it....but I love it. It seems like such a turnabout from the movie, but you did a pretty good job justifying his cynical attitude towards humans.

Coroner....maybe he's been watching a lot of CSI lately. Autopsies are always delightful. :p
 

Lady Myuu

Damsel mostly Stressed.
At first I wasn't really sure about reading this. I knew it was a Mewtwo story cuz I'm a sucker and skimmed it then decided to sit down and actually read through it.

Man, you know so many fancy words for the simplest description. So jealous I am because though you have a nice expanded vocab you don't over do it like I have seen on here. Your work is professional yet still keeps it at the level of understanding where I don't have to go pull out a dictionary.

Your fun to read, its like a little personality shines through between your lines. But the problem is, sometimes its too much. At first I had a very hard time accepting this Mewtwo, he just felt out of character and his actions didn't really fit.

But as the story progressed I finally accepted him around the explanation of his reason for killing. But really only then.

Now the plot was alright, well explained and such. But predictable. I saw it coming as soon as the character explained his reasons. I knew he was going to die... but then again, I thrive on predicting things. So it might just be the fact I have a knack for it (people hate me at movies)

Mmm... wasn't really scary or horror worthy, suppensful at places but dunno, just didn't make me go 'whoa!' in that way. I did go whoa because it was just a neat idea and I enjoyed it very much.
 

Klaus

TOMATO BERRY!
WHAAA! MAXIEHUG! I haven't seens ya's in forevers. I looove this one sos much. HOORA! Exactly, this made me think of Rebellion as a skipping trip through the forest. I love this one.

Anyway, i'm gonna do something that I don't usually do!

QUOTE TIME!

“What brings you to my humble abode?”

I love that line. I don't know why, but for some reason it just makes me
laugh. I'm sorry, but it just made me laugh. Go figure.

The voice immediately grew cold and businesslike. “Can you afford my…services is the question. I’m not cheap.”

I like that quote....it's clear why I like that quote. I don't like that quote...I love that quote! *KLAUS SKIPS UP AND DOWN AND SINGS!*

Forgive me for the brief reply, but right now i'm extreamly hyper. I love this story so much, it was extreamly well written and I loved the usage of large and lovely words.

As always, be kind to the mime. ;122;
 

Astinus

Well-Known Member
*glomps* You're back to writing! Yay! So...I'll just get back to annoying you with reviews. D=

You set up a creepy atmosphere with the opening paragraph. The one thing that threw me off with it was the run-on sentence about the shadows going for the stone. It confused me, and I had to go back to read it a few times before I figured it out.

Stop! Grammar-time! *breaks out parachute pants* (If you click the link, you would know what I was talking about...!)
“That’s what they call me, I believe.” came the reply.
That full stop right there *points* should be a comma.

“Can you afford my…services is the question.
"[...]is the question" is usually said when there is a previous question. Like the stupid thing English teachers do: "Can I go to the bathroom?" "'May I go to the bathroom' is the question." That's the way I see it, though it could just be a region/country thing. So, for here, I read it better as "If you can afford[...]". *shrugs*

“It’s me brother.” snarled the man, who was now the ‘client’ in the assassin’s eyes.
Ignoring the dialogue itself, because I talk like that, let's take a look at what comes after it. You have a full stop for the punctuation. Now, you must be thinking that you should change it to a comma. Well, you're right. Moving on.

“You couldn’t be more correct, Derek.” smiled the assassin.
Okay, see here? Look at that full stop. Guess what? It remains as a full stop. But look at your dialogue tag: "smiled the assassin." Can you smile words? You can talk, scream, snarl, yell, growl, cry, etc. words, but you can's smile them. So it would be better as:
“You couldn’t be more correct, Derek.” The assassin smiled.

It was great reading Mewtwo's thoughts at the end of this piece. It brought him back from a mindless killer to the character that I know from the movies.

“Would you have preferred the Phantom of the Opera?” the psychic pokemon asked, his voice calm.
Oh, Typhie...will your fangirl moments ever end? =o
 
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Typhlogirl

keep battling on!
Yay, reviews! =D *crapdance*

Sweet Pinpuku

Hee, thankyou for reviewing! I'm glad you thought I captured Mewtwo's personality well; that was a thing that was bugging me a little. I really didn't want him to go totally OOC, but I still wanted to, well...bend him a little. XD Oh, and I'm also glad you thought it was creepy. >=) ^__^ Thanks for reading!

Bay

Heh, I've already thanked you on LJ, but again, thankyou for reading! I'm glad you liked the part with Derek and his brother; that sort of just came to me out of nowhere. XDD I was originally going to have Mewtwo go and hunt the brother, but that was back when I planned this as a chaptered fic. So I had to change it, but I'm pleased you liked the change. XD Also, I'm quite proud of the way Derek was killed (unoriginal as it is, lol). Thanks again! =)

Hahahabvc87

Hi! Thanks for pointing out those mistakes; I agree, my sentence structure needs work. And yes, bypassing the censor is fun...I mean, wrong. Very wrong. >=( Only bad members bypass the swear filter!

...XD

I'm pleased you liked Mewtwo in the role of the 'creepy sadistic surgeon - that was exactly what I was going for. ^__^ I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it; that's what I write for. :) Thanks for reviewing!

Sike Saner

I effing adore this portrayal of Mewtwo. ^^ Especially his love of the kill, of the human body and methods of its ruin. <3

AND DAMN, his killing methods. *_* Little lethal psychic tweaks of fragile vital systems, how boss is that? ^^ Effing scary notion, too, having something go horribly wrong within, seemingly spontaneously, with not a damned thing you can do about it. Scariness which, of course, only makes it all the cooler. X3

I have this urge to write a fic where Mewtwo phucks with someone's internal workings psychically (is that even a word? D=), because it would be that much fun. Plus it would prove that studying Bio actually taught me something and wasn't a waste of time. XD But seriously, imagine that happening to someone...ow. XD My personal favourite is reversing the blood flow...now that is worth writing about. =D

OH. And I also loved it when Mewtwo corrected Derek about Phantom of the Opera. XD

*shameless phangirl* XDDDD Thanks for reading, Sike! I NEED TO REVIEW COMMUNICATION OMFG WILL DO THAT AS SOON AS I FINISH THIS POST. D=D=D=D=D= LOL I SUX.

Kiyohime

Coroner....maybe he's been watching a lot of CSI lately. Autopsies are always delightful. :p

*imagines that*

*dies*

XDD I'm really glad you liked it, Kiyohime. That means a lot coming from such a great horror writer. :) Thanks for reading!

Lady Myuu

Man, you know so many fancy words for the simplest description. So jealous I am because though you have a nice expanded vocab you don't over do it like I have seen on here. Your work is professional yet still keeps it at the level of understanding where I don't have to go pull out a dictionary.

That means a lot. :)

Your fun to read, its like a little personality shines through between your lines. But the problem is, sometimes its too much. At first I had a very hard time accepting this Mewtwo, he just felt out of character and his actions didn't really fit.

Mhm, that was a problem I was worried about; I didn't want Mewtwo to be too OOC, but I still wanted to try and expand on the darker side of his personality. I mean, come on, we've all seen Mewtwo Strikes Back (...I'm presuming we all have...), and he was quite the little ba!stard, stuffing around with everyone like that. But I know he has a kind, warm side to him.

I just wanted to ignore it for this fic. ^__^ XDD

Now the plot was alright, well explained and such. But predictable. I saw it coming as soon as the character explained his reasons. I knew he was going to die... but then again, I thrive on predicting things. So it might just be the fact I have a knack for it (people hate me at movies)

Heh, you remind me of myself. XDD I like predicting things too. My mum won't watch crime shows with me because I predict everything and she gets annoyed. XDDD

Mmm... wasn't really scary or horror worthy, suppensful at places but dunno, just didn't make me go 'whoa!' in that way. I did go whoa because it was just a neat idea and I enjoyed it very much.

Oh well, at least you still went 'whoa'! =D

...XDDDD

Klaus

*MAXIEHUGS BACK*

I love that line. I don't know why, but for some reason it just makes me
laugh. I'm sorry, but it just made me laugh. Go figure.

XDDD Probably because it's such a CLICHE! XDDD

Forgive me for the brief reply, but right now i'm extreamly hyper. I love this story so much, it was extreamly well written and I loved the usage of large and lovely words.

=D I'm actually quite hyper now too; I'm usually not so friendly! XDDDD Thanks for reading! OMFG I NEED TO REVIEW YOU TOO!! AAAHHHH!!

Hanako Tabris

That image....*DIES*

Mind you, before I saw it, I pictured MC Hammer with dancing exclamation marks and semicolons. =D *IZ NORMAL*

You can talk, scream, snarl, yell, growl, cry, etc. words, but you can's smile them.

YOU CAN TRY!! =D =D =D

...D: XDDD Thanks for that. And damn you and your perfect grammar skills and stylish parachute pants!

It was great reading Mewtwo's thoughts at the end of this piece. It brought him back from a mindless killer to the character that I know from the movies.

I'm really glad; I was worried he was going to be completely OOC and people would be like 'wtf is this you freak'. I'm glad he was at least sort-of IC! XD

Oh, Typhie...will your fangirl moments ever end? =o

Short answer: No. =D

Long answer: Lol, I actually wrote this a while ago, when I was in my hyper obsessive POTO phase, and had to relate POTO to EVERYTHING. XDD I would have taken that out, but I couldn't be bothered. Besides, it didn't detract from the story. And it pimps POTO! Everyone wins!

XD Thanks for reading, Hanako.



-;157;
 

Psychic

Really and truly
Heh, I had a gut feeling that this would be about Mewtwo before I had even started reading. The whole ‘light of the moon’ thing is what I’ve always identified him with, but truth be told, even the title itself hooked me. I actually forgotten that you had told me that you were a writing a Mewtwo story until you told me over IM. ^^;



Anyways, while I’d not call this horror per say, it was still quite eerie- you did a great job setting the mood here, with a very good use of lighting and objects. Methinks this is more of a suspense, but in any case, I still really liked this.

You certainly took a new turn on Mewtwo, which was very interesting to see. At first I couldn’t imagine why Mewtwo would take such a life, living among humans, killing for money and using his psychic powers to do it. But you gave a very good explanation in the end, and it really did make sense, especially since you were using more of a movie Mewtwo, the spiteful and wrathful one. Few people ever use that side of him- kudos on taking it to a new level, it was n awesome, neat idea.

Very good description here- you didn’t have too much nor too little, just the right amount. The imagery you provided was perfect, and as Myuu said, a good vocabulary topped it all off.

Grammar was also pretty good, but I spotted a good bunch of mistakes. Other than them it was fine, but I’ll point them out anyway. :p


Not much of a claim to fame in the world of sniper rifles and infra-red technology, but that was exact the thing for which he was renowned.
Should be ‘exactly the thing’.



Any business was good business, in his eyes, and business showed no signs of slowing down. He was throwing all the other hired killers in the underground into the harsh seas of redundancy, after which they quickly sank to bankruptcies locker. He was the dealer of death, and the customer’s were quite satisfied.
Take out the apostrophe in ‘customer’s’ and I don’t quite understand what ‘bankruptcies locker’ locker is. If it’s something like Davy Jones’ Locker, then it should be ‘bankruptcy’s locker’.



He didn’t have any others.
Imo, it should be ‘He had no other conditions.’



“You’ll get that much again when the jobs done.”
Should be 'job’s'.



He leant forward on the table.
‘leant’ is the past tense of ‘lend’, I believe. You want ‘leaned’.



Do you know why your brother came to me Derek?
Comma before Derek.



Anyways, this was a fantastic One-Shot, with a very sick twist at the end, which I absolutely loved! It was a great read, not just because it was Mewtwo mulling over his thoughts (thoughts that I must add were pretty different in most Mewtwo stories nowadays) but also because the mood, the description, the characters and the idea behind it really just caught and held me. Awesome job! =D

Oh…and amazingly enough, it’s a full moon tonight.


~Psychic
 
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