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Deeds of Darkness (PG)

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DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
Error Counter: 0005
However, Dr. Berry's last quote says "far" in the first place, so that doesn't really count as an error:)

muffling Alysia’s complaints along with the clatter

written in his yearbook,

A sudden chill rushed through Daniel’s spine.

He recognized them as Alysia’s.

“So I pulled up the file on Bret Sanders,” continued Mrs. Phillips the next morning,
Since this is the first thing we hear her say, "continued" doesn't fit here...

I thought I corrected these when you sent me the chapter to look over. Did you, by any chance, revert to the old file?


I said this before in the email, and I know you said you'd be addressing it in the next chapter, but I still felt you could have included a bit of it here as well. There was little emotion on the part of Daniel after his family was killed. Even here, it would help develop his character for him to have even brief thoughts and reactions. For example:

When he's fleeing the house after running into Darkrai, but before getting knocked out, he could have thoughts running through his mind, like:

*"Wow, that was scary! I wonder why Darkrai was here! Oh man, I just barely ecaped in time!"

*(If he's not sure if his family' alive or not) "Mom and Alysia... Oh, I really hope Darkrai didn't do anything to them! Please... be okay..."

*(if he knows his family's been killed) "Mom... Alysia... i'm sorry I couldn't protect you... Why did you have to kill them, Darkrai? What did they ever do to you? Where am I going to go now? I already miss you two..."

You can also have him bring up his family during his argument with Dr. Berry, as I don't believe he brings them up. I really think you should do that too, as it shows that his mind is still thinking about his family after their sudden death... unless he's really that cold:/

Other than that, though, Daniel seems like an interesting character, with perhaps a way to deal with Darkrai without killing it. And it looks like he's gonna be at odds with the government regarding this.

Nice creepy scene with Darkrai, btw. Overall, a good chapter, but not as great as some previous ones. The lack of emotions on the part of Daniel make it feel a bit rushed, IMO. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!
 

Haruka of Hoenn

*Spamalicious*
DP479:


Error Counter: 0005
Ouch. That sucks.

But like I said before, 99.9% of my errors are missed by the spell checker in Word. Example: If I spell 'Walking' 'Waling', it considers it a word. (I have never heard of waling. Have you?) :/

Sheesh, I need to type slower.

Since this is the first thing we hear her say, "continued" doesn't fit here...
Actually, I put that in because Dr. Berry and Mrs. Phillips were already having a conversation 'before the chapter', and I just wrote the part where she continues the conversation with that line.
I thought I corrected these when you sent me the chapter to look over. Did you, by any chance, revert to the old file?
I think I did... I was multitasking at the time, and I guess I copied the wrong thing.

I don't think 'whoops!' would be right here... :/

When he's fleeing the house after running into Darkrai, but before getting knocked out, he could have thoughts running through his mind, like:

*"Wow, that was scary! I wonder why Darkrai was here! Oh man, I just barely ecaped in time!"

*(If he's not sure if his family' alive or not) "Mom and Alysia... Oh, I really hope Darkrai didn't do anything to them! Please... be okay..."

*(if he knows his family's been killed) "Mom... Alysia... i'm sorry I couldn't protect you... Why did you have to kill them, Darkrai? What did they ever do to you? Where am I going to go now? I already miss you two..."
In the first part of the chapter, I wanted to give the feeling that Daniel is too scared to think. So the only thing that was on his mind was to get away, because Darkrai could kill him.

You can also have him bring up his family during his argument with Dr. Berry, as I don't believe he brings them up. I really think you should do that too, as it shows that his mind is still thinking about his family after their sudden death... unless he's really that cold:/
In that part, I tried to make Daniel seem that he doesn't really want to talk about his family dying, as it hasn't 'sunk in' yet that they're really gone. That part of the chapter was in Dr. Berry's point of view, so Daniel's emotions aren't expressed fully. However, in the next chapter Daniel's feelings will be shown in better detail since there will be a scene in his point of view.

Overall, a good chapter, but not as great as some previous ones.
Yeah I kinda thought that too after I posted it, but that was a little too late... Idk, for some readon, it feels that this one wasn't my BEST one.
 

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Aaaaannnd... here's AD!

0001

written in his yearbook

Phew, quite a new development. Daniel seems to be the kid left behind by his friends (and now it seems) his family. He also seems to show a higher amount of common/political sense for a twelve/thirteen year old.

Dr. Berry shown in a new, sinister light adds more to the intrigue of the story.

I’d love to say more, but my mind isn’t really in the chatty mood.

This, nonetheless was a cracker of a chapter, and I frankly can’t wait to see if Daniel meets up with the girls.

There’s my two cents. Sorry they took so long to get here.

L@er!
 

Haruka of Hoenn

*Spamalicious*
Air Dragon:

Daniel seems to be the kid left behind by his friends (and now it seems) his family. He also seems to show a higher amount of common/political sense for a twelve/thirteen year old.
Yup! He's one of those kids who actually watches the news and pays attention to the Darkrai reports. Maybe he'll have something to tell Sadie and the others... :)


This, nonetheless was a cracker of a chapter, and I frankly can’t wait to see if Daniel meets up with the girls.
Don't worry, he will... somehow.

There’s my two cents. Sorry they took so long to get here.
It's okay! A few days after the chapter isn't so bad. (I need to work on my one week+ delays... :/)


CHAPTER 14 WILL BE HERE SOMETIME BEFORE THE END OF JULY... ACTUAL DATE IS UNCERTAIN!

;)
 

Haruka of Hoenn

*Spamalicious*
No, I'm not dead :]
I've just been really BUSY, blah blah, blah.
I know, you're all sick of hearing my excuses :/ I'll just give you the chapter then!


Chapter 14

As she went along through the forest, Sadie became aware of a foul odor that hung in the air like a heavy coat, burning the insides of her lungs every time she inhaled. The farther she went, the stronger the smell became, until it was overpowering. Sadie found herself struggling with every breath she took, coughing and gasping between gulps of air. The trees and bushes around her were slowly fading away beneath a dense fog.

There must be a forest fire somewhere near here… Sadie thought, trying to wipe her stinging eyes. The world was blurred form her hot tears, but she could have sworn that she caught a glimpse of something yellow in the distance. A shock wave rippled down her spine.

Oh god… Sadie gulped.

“Ugh… I-need-to-go-back…” She mumbled, her eyes streaming with tears. “Too-much… smoke…” But another part of her mind told her otherwise.

But what about Rena? No, I have to keep on going! If there is a fire, then she might not know about it!

With every step came a struggle. The smoke was all around Sadie now, and even though clasping her hands tightly around her mouth and nose helped, it didn’t block out all of the smoke from seeping through. She soon found herself gasping for air, like a fish that had mistakenly flopped onto shore. Each breath stung against her throat, and she felt as if she were trying to breathe through a blanket. She flailed her arms as she ran, pushing away the branches that hung overhead. The temperature in the forest was rising rapidly, and Sadie could feel her skin stinging from the heat. She could feel the wind picking up.

Ugh! At this rate, I’ll never make it out!

The thought of being trapped forever in a forest only to be burned to death sent tremors down her spine. Sadie’s legs wobbled as she ran, which made it harder and harder to maneuver through the trees and underbrush. She could no longer tell where she was, or how close she was to Sandgem. The blistering heat mixed in with the pungent smell of smoke was overpowering, and her lungs strained with every rattling breath. Sadie could feel the heat of the advancing flames all around her now. The gashes in her arms were leaking with blood, and her pajamas were dotted with holes. Worst of all, her muscles were throbbing with pain, and her legs threatened to collapse beneath her at any second.

Tears streamed from her eyes as she watched the flames come closer and closer…

So this is how it all ends… Sadie thought, Trapped in a forest running away from some dumb old fire? Why? Why? All the things I haven’t done yet…

A painful lump rose in her throat as she began to sob.

It’s all over now… she told herself as she sat down, hugging her knees to her chest. Red flames engulfed her, and she remembered nothing else.
















She was in total bliss…



Tranquility…



Darkness…




Sadie…






The voice came from far away, a soft whisper that echoed through the darkness. She recognized it from somewhere… but she just couldn’t figure out who it belonged to…






Sadie…






There it was again. Sadie tried to answer, but no sound came out of her mouth. Her arms felt too heavy to move, and she couldn’t feel the ground beneath her.

I’m dead…? It was more of a realization than a question. I was killed by the fire…

But the funny thing was, Sadie couldn’t remember anything about being burned. The last thing she saw were the flames slowly advancing towards her…






Sadie…





I’m probably in heaven right now… I wonder if Lisa and Dalton found my body yet… Oh, I wonder what my mom will think!

She felt a single, cold tear slide down her cheek.

All the things I never got to say to her…






Sadie… The voice was getting louder.






I never got to tell her how much I loved her…






Sadie…






I never got to thank Rena for being such a good friend for these past years…






Sadie…






All the things I left unsaid…






SADIE…






Suddenly, she felt something ice cold come into contact with her flesh. Her heart gave a sharp jolt against her chest, and she let out a piercing scream as light poured into her open eyes. The image of a girl standing beside her slowly came into focus.

“…Lisa?!” she gasped. It had seemed like ages since Sadie had last seen her. Lisa had changed into a bright blue dress with green and purple floral print and a satin bow across the waist. On top of that, she wore a green button up blouse. With her hat completing the outfit, she looked ready for a party.

Lisa’s lips spread into a grin. “Sadie, you’re finally awake! I called your name like fifteen times!”

“So it was your voice I was hearing!” Sadie exclaimed breathlessly. Her heart was still pounding painfully against her ribcage, sending cold shivers down her spine. She blinked frequently, her vision still hazy.

“W-where am I?” she asked quietly.

“The Floaroma Town Pokemon Center!” Lisa beamed.

“WHAT?!” Sadie shouted, bolting upright. “Floaroma?” She couldn’t believe her own words. She had never traveled farther than Jubilife before.

Lisa rolled her eyes. “Ssssshhh… not so loud! There are other people here!”

“B-but What happened with the fire? Did they put it out or something? Who saved me? Did I get out on my own? And is Rena okay?” Sadie continued, ignoring Lisa’s previous statement.

Lisa giggled a little and put a hand on Sadie’s mouth. It was surprisingly cold.

"Here’s what happened: After you left to look for Rena, Dalton suggested that we go after you, just to make sure that you were all right. So we were walking, and then we saw fire coming out from the trees. Well, I began shaking and pulling at my dress, I was so worried! So we start running toward the forest to see if you were in there. Dalton motioned me to stay while he ran in to go after you. He made it out with you in a little less than three minutes. He’s a soldier and all, but I was really shocked how he could do that without being burned. He tried to wake you up a few times, but you didn't come to. We were worried that you had um… passed away or something.” Lisa paused for a few seconds, then continued. “Anyways, we had to carry you all the way to Jubilife, which was a pain! You’re heavier than you look!” Lisa started laughing at her own joke.

Sadie couldn’t help but smile. “Am I supposed to be offended?”

“Oh, never mind that. As I was saying, then we had to run all the way to Jubilife City, just to get you a doctor! On the way there, a nice cop named Officer Garrett gave us a ride. He said he knew you, by the way…” Lisa looked thoughtfully at Sadie.

“Yeah! He was the one who drove Rena and me to Sandgem!” Sadie recalled, lifting her head from the pillow. It felt surprisingly heavy.

“Then we took an underground train to Floaroma and ended up in here,” said a deep voice from somewhere in the room.

“W-who was that?” Sadie asked, looking around the small room for the first time.

“Relax, it’s only me,” said Dalton from the corner. He was sitting in a bean bag chair, fiddling around with a cube-like object.

Lisa turned around to face him. “You’re STILL working on that thing?” She shook her head in disappointment.

Dalton rolled his eyes. “I’ve been working on this thing for hours! I’m telling you, this Randal’s Cubex thing is impossible!”

Lisa sighed. “First of all, it’s Rubik’s Cube. And second, I’ve solved that thing like fifteen times already! If I can do it, you can too!”

"Well, I'm not a certified genius like you, Lisa! I'm a soldier! I'm not good at this kind of stuff!" Dalton retorted, setting the cube down on a glass table next to him.

Lisa giggled and turned back to Sadie. “Well, we better get going.”

“Going?” Sadie asked, shrugging.

“Out of here!” Lisa said, “The doctors said that you were all right, just some bruises and burns. All you needed was some rest. You slept for two days!”

Two days?! Sadie exclaimed, her eyes widening. “What?”

“Yeah! That’s what I thought too! We had to spend the night here. And I’m telling you, this place is no Quality Inn! Hard beds, no wireless internet, and the TV selection was dreadful! The decor is just plain awful, too!" Lisa complained, shuddering at the memory. “I mean, seriously! Just look!” She made an angry gesture to the wall next to her. It was a painted a bright, puke green with sloppy flowers near the bottom.

Sadie blinked. Wow… I didn’t even notice those before!

“And the pillows are as hard as rocks!” Dalton added, “The ones at my military camp were ten times softer!”

“They said that you should be ready to go by today. And I’m definitely not wasting another sleepless second here! Let’s go!” Lisa shouted.

With that, she yanked on Sadie’s arm, forcing her out of the bed. Sadie shivered as her feet touched the squishy carpet.

“Wow… you’re a mess!” Lisa said, glaring at Sadie amusingly. “Let’s fix you up!”

Sadie followed Lisa to the tiny bathroom. She gazed in wonder at the pale, unfamiliar face that stared back at her from the mirror. A plain white hospital gown covered most of her, but she could still see the scars and bruises on her arms and legs. Her once vibrant, stone gray eyes were now sunken and pale, and had lost their blue sparkle.

Lisa was right… I am a mess… It’s like I’m looking at a totally different person!

Lisa frowned. “Yeah, you’re gonna need some touching up. But, I have just the thing for you to put on! Wait here!” She squealed, skipping to her backpack. A few seconds later, she returned with a green lump in her hands.

“What’s that?” Sadie asked.

“It’s a dress! For you!” Lisa beamed. “I’ll let you borrow a pair of my pantyhose to hide those scars.”

“Great…” Sadie said faintly. “You know what? A dress isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world. I’d prefer some nice shorts, maybe a T-shirt – ”

“Just try it!” Lisa begged.

“Fine!” Sadie gave in. “I’ll change in the bathroom.”





“Oh my God, you look… gorgeous!” Lisa exclaimed five minutes later.

“It feels so… awkward!” Sadie stammered, gazing at the finished product.

The dress she wore was a pastel green, almost identical to that of Lisa’s. There were tight pantyhose on her legs and black ballet flats on her feet. She held her arms three feet apart, and resisted the urge to rip the dress in half.

“Now be careful!” Lisa warned, “Pantyhose rips real easy!”

“Can I please take this off?” Sadie whined, unhappy with her look.

“Oh come on! Don’t you wear contest dresses or something?” Lisa said, folding her arms.

“Yeah, but they don’t squeeze the air out of me!”

“You’ll get used to it,” Lisa assured. “At least your cuts aren’t showing.”

“Hey, are we ready to go yet? If I have to see another flower, I’m gonna go insane!” Dalton shouted impatiently.

“Ready? I packed your bag for you already. You’re welcome,” Lisa teased.

Sadie nodded, forcing a smile. She slowly made her way to the bed, nearly tripping over her backpack.

“Um, Sadie? Are you feeling okay?” came Lisa’s voice from behind her.

“Yeah. I’m fine,” Sadie said, trying to ignore her throbbing head. She slung the backpack over her shoulder. “Hey, where are we going?”

“To look for Rena,” Dalton said. “If she got out of the fire, then she could have only gone one way. North, to Jubilife. If we’re lucky, she didn’t get too far…” His voice trailed off.

“But… what about Sandgem? Maybe she went back there!” Sadie said, all her sorrow vanishing for a split second.

Dalton just shook his head. “It burned down. The fire burned it all down. The firefighters stopped it right before it reached Lake Verity.”

Sadie’s shoulders sagged. Her eyes welled up with tears. “Oh…”

It’s just one bad thing after another…

“When is this going to end…?” Sadie sobbed, her face flooding with hot tears. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“We’re gonna find her, Sadie,” whispered Lisa. “I have a good feeling about this.”

“Come on, let’s not waste time,” Dalton said. He was already at the door, tapping his foot impatiently.

Lisa grabbed Sadie’s arm gently, but firmly. “Here we go!” she said, grinning at Sadie, who could not return the smile.

Dalton shook his head. “Aw, stop trying to cheer her up, Lisa. I know she feels bad, but everything will be fine.”

I wish I could believe that… Sadie thought to herself. She looked up at the sky. It was a bright blue.

Yet, despite all the happiness and hope that protected her friends, Sadie still had a nagging sense that somewhere, somehow, Rena was not all right.







Fields of lush, wet grass could be seen stretching out to the horizon. In the middle of it all, stood a girl. Her shirt was ripped and her shorts were frayed. The light breeze rippled though her puffy orange hair.

You know your task… came an eerie voice.

The girl did not move, her red eyes gleaming like rubies in the night.

Retrieve the two children, and kill anyone who dares to help them. No one shall stand in our way.
 
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Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Waii! new chapter!

Reading now...

0003

The world was blurred from her hot tears

“We’re gonna find her, Sadie,”

“Aw, stop trying to cheer her up, Lisa.

As these errors are usually not picked up by MS Word, I'll pardon you this time. But be careful...

Take note: when a name is mentioned in speech marks, a comma usually precedes it or follows it (if it's the first word in the quotation marks). This tells the reader to take a pause when they see it and makes visualizing it easier.

That's all for now...

L@er!

P.S. First reviews rule.
 
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Pikalika55

Don't hate the mushy
Weird ending but, wow, just fanominal writing you have. I didn't detect any grammer errors but that doesn't mean that other people wont. Very very nice.

Hmmm.....a girl with red eyes.....hmmm.......an erie voice...hmmm......

Mind control!! AAAAHHHH!!! *flails around and hits the wall*
 

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
The beginning was nicely done. Very nice use of description and emotion to really bring out Sadie's sense of despair at the thought of being consumed by the fire. Excellent job there.

The dress she wore was a pastel green, almost identical to that of Lisa’s. There were tight pantyhose on her legs and black ballet flats on her feet. She held her arms three feet apart, and resisted the urge to rip the dress in half.
HEY! Be careful with that dress XD CUTE FLORAL PRINT DRESSES AND WHITE PANTYHOSE FTW!!!

Funny thing is, Sadie was excited to receive that dress in my fic. Then again, there are two totally different circumstances between the two.

Interesting how you gave Lisa such a peppy, bubbly personality this chapter. I don't really have her behave like that, but guess what? It works! Maybe after all the stress is behind her, I should make Lisa all cheery and bubbly in my chapters, too:) But she does get excited when talking about her fashion style XD But...

“Here we go!” she said, grinning at Sadie, who could not return the smile.

Dalton shook his head. “Aw, stop trying to cheer her up, Lisa.
This might taking bubbly a bit too far, even for Lisa. She's pretty sensitive to others' feelings, perhaps to a fault *coughcoughaplolgiesafterlosingabattlecoughcough*

You know your task… came an eerie voice.

The girl did not move, her red eyes gleaming like rubies in the night.

Retrieve the two children, and kill anyone who dares to help them. No one shall stand in our way
Wow, that sounds ominous... and if it is who I think it is, there could be loads of trouble ahead for Sadie and Co.

Still, it was a relief that Sadie did make it out of that fire alive, and the events that follow from here should be quite interesting. This is turning out to be quite the interesting story here, with a new plot development that I eagerly await. Just don't keep us waiting so long next time, okay? XD
 

Haruka of Hoenn

*Spamalicious*
Whee, 3 reviews to reply to! This must be my lucky day :)

Air Dragon: FIRST REVIEW!!!

3 errors, yay! But you know what's weird? DP told me to make those corrections when I sent him the chapter to look over... I don't know who to believe now! :(


Pikalika55:

Weird ending but, wow, just fanominal writing you have. I didn't detect any grammer errors but that doesn't mean that other people wont. Very very nice.
Hey, thanks! I can't believe some of you can't figure out who the girl in the ending is. I thought it would be really obvious! :/


DarkPersian479:

The beginning was nicely done. Very nice use of description and emotion to really bring out Sadie's sense of despair at the thought of being consumed by the fire. Excellent job there.
Thanks!

I made Lisa preppy and happy because she has a 'good feeling' about how things are gonna turn out. I tried to make it seem like Sadie was the only one feeling depressed for some strange reason thatishantrevealrightnowiwillrevealitinalaterchapterkthnxbye.


SEE YA NEXT CHAPTER!!! :]
 

Pikalika55

Don't hate the mushy
When I looked at the part at the end, about her eyes, I almost thought I saw, "They were red like Rupees." lol
 

Pokelight_Admin

Well-Known Member
I enjoyed reading your fan-fiction. Since this was the only chapter I read, I am sort-of clueless on what has happened in the story line.

I loved that you used conversations between characters to move the story line. I also noticed how descriptive your story is and you make the story come alive.

I am not much of a reviewer, but I can tell a well-written story from one that was put together in only 10 minutes. Well done. I will read the other chapters when I have the time.
 

Haruka of Hoenn

*Spamalicious*
It's been a while. Yup, that's all I have to say O____o


Chapter 15


A chilly wind swept through the landscape. The bare branches rattled in the breeze, letting a few blobs of snow splash to the ground. The only sound that could be heard was the steady rhythm of footsteps through the snow.


Thump, thump.


Tiny snowflakes fell steadily from the sky, almost invisible next to its pale gray coloring. The southern part of town was completely deserted, except for a few log cabins and a pine tree here and there. Most of them were buried in snow.


Thump, thump.


The route ahead was a treacherous one – plagued by frequent snowstorms and avalanches. The underground train station was a popular transportation method in these wintery months. Aside from the rare courageous trainer, nobody dared to cross Route 217 on foot. Still, Daniel kept walking.


Thump, thump.


I… can’t believe this. What did I ever do to deserve it? Hot tears welled up in Daniel’s eyes, blurring the silent world before him. It didn’t matter to him what he did anymore. All that mattered was that they were gone. His mother and his sister. Gone. Just like that. He stopped to kick a pile of snow. His toes tingled from the freezing water that leaked through his shoes.

What am I doing? he thought to himself.. I’m out here in the freezing cold without so much as warm shoes…

But Daniel couldn’t feel the cold. He couldn’t even feel the crunch of the snow as it sloshed in between his toes. He couldn’t feel anything but pain and sorrow. As he went on, a few people turned to look out of their tiny windows to cast disapproving looks at Daniel, as if to say, “Go inside, little boy, what are you thinking?” But he paid them no mind. After all, they had lives to live didn’t they?

Daniel stopped to look up at the warm gray sky. I used to have a life… not so long ago… he thought to himself, another warm tear slipping down his cheek. But the truth was, Daniel couldn’t even remember a time when he actually cared about his life. When he actually used to slam the door in his sister’s smug face. When he actually used to yell at his mom when she tried to press him into doing his homework. He felt another warm tear slip down his cheek. If only he knew… If only he knew that someday he would come to regret it all.
He kept on walking down the straight road, not thinking at all where he was going. He passed several street signs, glancing at them as he went by.


Snow Lodge – west, Harbor – south, Train station, east - He stopped. If he took an underground train to Sunyshore City, he could live with his uncle there until the Darkrai case settled down. Daniel felt a sudden spark of hope.

Well, I might as well go, he told himself, staring at the sign.



- - -



Daniel arrived at the station a few minutes later. It was a pretty beat-up building – the roof had collapsed a thousand times from heavy snowfall, and had then been rebuilt with wooden boards nailed sloppily on top of one another. The paint was chipped and peeling, and the wooden door was hanging on one hinge. Yet, a few meters behind it stood a sleek bullet-shaped train with bright lights on its side. Next to it stood a tall man who was shouting “All aboard!” to no one in particular. Daniel found this ironic, since the station was completely empty except for the two of them. Daniel crept up to the side of the building and waited until the man left, already knowing what he had to do, and not caring if he got caught. Eventually the man turned to go back inside the train, looking defeated. Instantly, Daniel was up on his feet, sprinting as fast as they would carry him. About three seconds before the door closed, Daniel was inside the train.


The interior was surprisingly warm. The floor was lined with red plush carpet, and the walls were painted a soft pink that reminded Daniel of his sister's room.
Don't say the name... he thought to himself, stumbling towards the couches that were nailed beside the walls of the train. It was mostly empty of passengers, except for an old lady reading a magazine, two middle-aged men, two young couples, and a teenage girl who was furiously texting on her phone.
Daniel chose a seat nearest to the door. He fell backwards onto the red cushion, sighing. The old lady cast him a disapproving glare.

...no good hoodlum... Daniel heard her mutter as she returned to her magazine.

Daniel sighed yet again. So this is what I am now. A no good hoodlum who used to have a happy family. What did I ever do to deserve this? Daniel fought back the tears, forcing himself to be strong. I'll make it through this... I'll make it... I have to...

“Welcome aboard, passengers!” came a scratchy voice over the loudspeaker. “We thank you for choosing the Sinnoh Underground Railways as your transportation this morning. Our high-speed trains provide the best quality in safety and comfort. This train will be making stops in Celestic Town, Hearthrome City, Oreburgh City, and Eterna City. Each time we stop, we will announce the city over the loudspeaker. Please get off at your appropriate destinations. Thank you, and enjoy your trip.”

I guess I'll be getting off at Hearthrome... Daniel thought to himself as the train gave a violent shake. In a few minutes, they were off.

The train ride was tedious and boring for Daniel. The high-speed train did not shake and rattle like a normal train would, making it easy for Daniel to close his eyes for a moment or so. And he did exactly that for about forty-five minutes, until a loud buzzing sound came over the loudspeaker.

“We have arrived at Celestic town! Please gather your bags and head off the train if this is your stop,” the man's voice said. Daniel watched as one of the men got up and, carrying several large bags, headed to the exit door.

Another thirty five minutes went by in total silence, except for the clicking and beeping of the girl's cell phone and the rustle of magazine pages. Daniel was lying on his stomach, half asleep, when he heard a shriek.

“No! No! NO! STOP THE TRAIN! STOP THE TRAIN!”

Daniel bolted upright, searching for the source of the noise. It was the teenage girl, who was now up on her feet jumping up and down, her brown hair falling over her face. The captain's voice came over the loudspeaker in immediate response.

“What? What? Did someone say 'Stop the train'?”

The teenage girl held up her phone, and shouted frantically, “You can't stop in Hearthrome! There's been another attack! There's been another Darkrai attack!”

Daniel looked around the large room in total disbelief. The remaining passengers had gotten up out of their seats, and were murmuring anxiously to each other.

“How do you know?” someone shouted.

“My friend was there! I was texting her!”

More murmurs came. Daniel slowly rose to his feet. The voice came again.

“Passengers, please remain clam! We will be making an emergency stop to Floaroma Town. From there, you can purchase a ticket to a train to a different city. We will arrive in another hour. Once again, please do not panic!”

Several groans erupted from the small crowd.

“My wife is waiting for me in Hearthrome! You can't just expect me to abandon her there in the middle of a crisis!” a man shouted.

The old lady sitting across from Daniel stood up, letting her magazine fall to the floor. “I was going to visit my daughter in Veilstone City! There are no trains that go from one side of Sinnoh to another, and I am definitely not paying for a flight! “ she scolded, directing her fury at the small gray speaker hanging from the ceiling.

Almost everyone in the train had reached full volume, except for Daniel, who was standing like an idiot, not knowing what to do or what to say.

“My first and only priority right now is to keep you all safe,” the captain replied calmly.

Without another word, he turned the train west, for Floaroma.


- - - - - - - - -


“Hello, Sinnoh. Welcome to the Bill Ray show. Instead of my usual routine, today on the show, we will be discussing something different: government cover-ups. Of course, I can't do this alone, so I called in a very special guest to be here with us today. Please welcome my good friend, Mr. Robert Hans.

“Thank you, Bill.”

“Now, Mr. Hans here knows quite a few people who are working for the Sinnoh government. In fact, he has even worked for the President himself for two months before resigning from the job – isn't that right, Robert?”

“That's correct, Bill! And the one thing I learned from my rather short experience with the government is: you can't trust anyone. Not even the your very own colleague whom you share an office with. This is a lesson in life you must learn – and this applies greatly with the interaction between you, the citizens of Sinnoh, and our government.”

“Are you saying that we can't trust our government?”

“We can trust it with some things, like building safe roads and enforcing fair laws. But, as recent events show, we can't trust it to deal with an emergency situation appropriately. This entire Darkrai situation for example – how long has it been going on, Bill?”

“It has been going on the minute the first settlers set foot on this land. Wherever we go, there will always be some sort of conflict between man and Pokemon. But, it hasn't been affecting us until a few months ago.”

“Precisely. A few months ago, when our 31st president was elected: President Berry. He actually put on a pretty convincing campaign. I was almost persuaded to vote for him, actually, but had already decided to vote for Carter Adams. It's a shame, a real shame that he didn't win... But that is far from the point. The point is: President Berry knows more than he says he knows. Bill, are you aware that Mr. Coronet is actually a chain of volcanoes?”

“Volcanoes, you say? I never knew that!”

“Yes. But they have been dormant for a long time, and most likely, they will stay dormant for the remainder of their existence. The last time any of them erupted was in about 700.B.C, where one of the southern volcanoes erupted to form what we now call Oreburgh City.”

“And the government knew about this the entire time?”

“Not quite. In the first week of his presidency, Berry sent a team of scientists to investigate new Pokemon species near the mountain. But what they brought back was more than a few specimens!”

“And he decided to hide all that from us?”

“Apparently, Berry figured that since the entire chain has been inactive for so long, they won't erupt anytime soon, so he marked the file as classified and ordered it to be stored away somewhere secret.”

“Well, that's just downright shameful! Hiding information from the citizens about their own mountain...”

“Indeed, but if they do erupt – which I pray will not happen while I am still alive and well – only the closest routes and cities will be damaged.”

“Still, we are talking about innocent lives here, Robert! It is a shame what the government has turned itself into. Based on what you just told me, do you think they have any leads on the Darkrai case that they're not telling us about?”

“My guess is yes. At this point, I don't know what they are hiding, and I doubt anyone here does except the president himself and his most trusted advisors. Nor do I want to know, for things like that should be left for the government to handle.”

“I agree completely. Still, it is interesting for me to think about what the government will do to solve this situation. If all of this turns out well, it might even change my not-so-good opinion of President Berry.”

“Well, for that we'll just have to wait and see. The point is, people of Sinnoh, things are not always what they seem. You may think the government is just looking out for you and your families, but remember – they want bread on their tables too.”

“That's very true. Forgive me for asking Robert, but how did you find out about Mt. Coronet being a chain of volcanoes? You told me that it was a classified file.”

“Ah, I have been asked that question too many times before. When I was in college, I studied the Earth, and its many wonders. Volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, you name it. I have seen images of volcanoes many, many times. If one just looks at the shape of the mountains closely, you can tell that they are no ordinary mountains. Several earthquakes have occurred around the area, in fact, they have been very frequent, which can only be possible with volcanoes. The fact that it is a classified file is only my guess – since we haven't heard about this in the papers.”

“I see. Well, that's about it for today, folks! Mr. Hans, I thank you fo taking the time to appear on my show.”

“You're most welcome, Bill!”

“Until next time, on the Bill Ray show!”




Click.



“I never liked that show...” Dalton muttered, switching off the tiny radio.

“Why not? Lisa asked, pouring more milk into her cereal bowl. “That Bill Ray sounds like a pretty cool guy.”

“You should have seen his other broadcasts. They were nothing but senseless banter about the economy, how us humans are ruining the natural environment, and now rants about the government! And I don't believe a word that Robert guy said about Mt. Coronet being a volcano chain or whatever. Volcanoes don't erupt one time in history and stay inactive for the rest of their existence!”

Lisa put down her spoon to face Dalton. “Did you not listen to Robert Hans at all? He said that he studied volcanoes! And, he said that he knows how they differ from regular mountains! He's a professional!”

“If he was a real professional, he would have stayed at the government to help with all the environmental problems we have here!”

“Well maybe he didn't like working for the government! Maybe he thought the government was a bunch of crap and wanted to help the people of Sinnoh directly!”

“Oh please! How can you form an opinion so quickly when you haven't even been here for a month?”

“Maybe it's because I can catch onto things more quickly than the average human being?”

“Are you calling me average?”

“All I'm saying is that you should never underestimate anyone before you get to know them,” Lisa said calmly, brushing off the threatening look in Dalton's eyes.

The whole time, Sadie just sat there, her head resting on her palm, listening to Dalton and Lisa yell at each other. They were eating breakfast at a place called Sky-High Diner at the Valley Windworks, which was not far from Floaroma. The diner was – literally – sky high. The three of them had to take an elevator up the concrete reinforcements to enter the diner. It was almost a hundred feet off the ground, which gave them a good view of the churning windmills, a stunning white against the green grass and blue sky. The fact that they were up in the sky, in a building held up by a few steel polls that were bound to collapse and send them all falling to their doom made Sadie uneasy, but she tried to brush it off my listening to Dalton and Lisa's heated debate.

“Will you guys give it a rest already? People are staring,” Sadie said.

“Fine,” Dalton said.

“Fine, but all I was saying was that - “

“Lisa!”

“All right, fine!” Lisa leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms.

Sadie turned to Dalton. “So, what's the plan of action?”

Dalton shrugged, taking another bite out of his bacon. “Well, I think we should head south for Jubilife to look for Rena. I don't think a young girl could travel past there on foot in two days, personally. City's huge.”

“True... but what if she took an underground train? We snuck on those things all the ti - “ Sadie caught herself before she said too much. Sneaking on underground trains – any form of transportation in that matter – without paying was illegal by Sinnoh law. Fortunately, Dalton and Lisa seemed not to have noticed.

“But where would she go?” Lisa asked, fiddling around with her fork.

“My guess is Eterna City,” Sadie said, looking up at the orange ceiling. “Rena once told me that she always wanted to go to Eterna and outrun all the cyclists on Cycling Road and shout 'Haha, you got owned by your mama!' at them.”

Lisa choked on her milk. “That's one crazy lady!”

“I'm being serious!” Sadie said, unable to suppress a giggle. “If there's anywhere she'd go in Sinnoh, it would be Eterna. Then, to Sunyshore so she could tramp all over the solar cells and get a decent tan.”

“Well...” Lisa said. “I guess we're going to Eterna City.”

“Yup,” Dalton replied. “First, let me finish this bacon.”
 

DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
(Copy/pasted from other site)

Oh, heck yeah, it's been awhile:)

With that said, I am so stoked to see another chapter:) All of Daniel's emotions that I felt were absent from the last couple of chapters made themselves loud and clear here. And it's all handled very well and feels natural. And yay for mass government coverups! It seems like Berry's got something to hide. Just like Bush. And of course the news of another Darkrai attack in Hearthome is troubling.

I rather liked the little argument between Lisa and Dalton. Brains meets brawn, and Sadie once again finds herself having to be the voice of reason. Basically, I like how you're keeping everyone true to their personalities.

One question, though... if the train's headed to Floraoma and Sadie/Dalton/Lisa are headed for Eterna, are the two parties going to meet in the near future?

Can't wait to find out :]
 

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
It's been a while. Yup, that's all I have to say O____o

well, there's the king of ubderstatenebts...

welcome back Haruka... reading your latest now!

Mr. Hans, I thank you for taking the time to appear on my show

“My guess is Eterna City,” Sadie said, looking up at the orange ceiling. “Rena once told me that she always wanted to go to Eterna and outrun all the cyclists on Cycling Road and shout 'Haha, you got owned by your mama!' at them.”

Lisa choked on her milk. “That's one crazy lady!”

“I'm being serious!” Sadie said, unable to suppress a giggle. “If there's anywhere she'd go in Sinnoh, it would be Eterna. Then, to Sunyshore so she could tramp all over the solar cells and get a decent tan.”

Well, once again, I'm with Lisa. Rena's crazy... although, giving her plight, i doubt she'd be much disposed to do either one of the above...


Well, great to read you again after so long... but I must dash...

L@er!
 
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asperger1981

good reader
Just when I forgot that this thread even existed, you produce a small brick of character development. which is saying something really good for you, sister!

The discussion between Lisa and Dalton reflected very well the very diferent upbringings they had, arguments between those two are a certain source of tension for Sadie (although not as big as Rena though!)

Talking about the mayhem queen, I hope that your playing something very good with her, not forgetting the rest of the 'core' characters.

Not that you don't something already in mind, do you?
;492-s;
 

Haruka of Hoenn

*Spamalicious*
Just when I forgot that this thread even existed, you produce a small brick of character development. which is saying something really good for you, sister!
Yeah, that's becoming my technique... wait a billion years between chapter posts, then shock my readers with something :O (I was being sarcastic... I really need to get my writing schedule straight!)

And of course I have something in mind for Rena! She's actually going to play a BIGBIGBIG role in the upcoming events. Not saying anything else, though...

Thanks to all my very patient readers and reviewers!
 

Mrs. Lovett

Rolling writer
Hey everyone! I'm Haruka of Hoenn, I just made a new account for personal reasons. I'll be continuing my fanfiction on this account. So don't think I'm plagiarizing... :p

Well, here it is! Chapter 16!


CHAPTER 16


“So we'll explain the plan to you one more time,” said Lucian, folding his arms over the wooden conference table. It was Dr. Berry's first scheduled meeting for the day, which would be followed with a conference with his military staff. The sun shone brightly through the blinds, and he could hear birdsong from a tree nearby. The first twenty minutes of the meeting had seemed a blur to him, and he could almost feel a migraine coming on. It was filled with the same old stuff – military protection, taxes, and pokemon migration patterns. Dr. Berry usually remained aloof in these parts of the meetings. Not only were they tedious and boring, but they were also irrelevant to the current, most important government problem – Darkrai. As he listened to Lucian talk, Dr. Berry felt a strange sense of fatigue. Lucian's voice left a strange echo in his head, almost as if he was hearing the muffled voices of a TV show from another room.
What I wouldn't give to be out in the sun... Dr. Berry thought to himself, rubbing his eyes. He took a sip of coffee to wake himself up. Dr. Berry tuned back into the conversation just in time to catch Lucian's last few words.

“... Then, you must lure Darkrai away from its current hiding spot, which will be indicated on the tracker.” He inclined his head towards a man beside Dr. Berry who was struggling with a small box-like object. Its antennae was bent and disfigured, and its small screen remained blank no matter what the man did.

”Get that thing working already!” Dr. Berry said through gritted teeth.

“Sorry,” he grunted. “I was having a little trouble turning it on...”

Dr. Berry sighed. “Please continue, Lucian. I'm sure Mr. Arnold will figure it out... eventually.”

Almost instantly after Dr. Berry finished speaking, the object Mr. Arnold was holding gave a loud beep. The screen suddenly flickered to life, displaying a bright dot in the center.

“Got it!” he stated proudly. “Eh... according to the tracker, Darkrai is currently a few miles north of Pastoria.”

“Good,” said Lucian, turning back to Dr. Berry. “You must lure Darkrai from Pastoria to Snowpoint using a series of distractions.”

“And what are these 'distractions' you are talking about? Forgive me, but you make luring that monster sound as easy as amusing a four-year-old with a piece of cake.”

“Well, first you must find out what is it that Darkrai wants.”

The question startled Dr. Berry, and nearly made him choke on his coffee. “I'm not sure what you mean, Lucian.”

Lucian sighed and rubbed his temples with bony fingers. “Let me rephrase that. Why do you think Darkrai is attacking people?”

“Because it's a monster! Isn't that obvious?” Dr. Berry stated, gulping down more coffee.

“Darkrai did not lay a finger on a human before Route 203. Now, all of a sudden, it's going on a rampage. Why do you think that is?”

“I don't know.” It seemed like such a silly thing for a president to say, and Dr. Berry immediately regretted it, wishing that he had gone for something more intelligent. He once again brought his mug to his mouth.

“Darkrai wants something from us, and it won't stop attacking people until it gets it.”

“So what does it want?” Dr. Golgorov pounded his fist on the table. “Stop this small talk! We need to get down to business!” A few people nodded in approval.

“The Lunar Wing of course!” Lucian replied, looking around the room in amazement.

“Is that a guess or do you have facts to prove that statement?” Dr. Berry cocked an eyebrow.

“Darkrai is a villain. Villains want total power. They don't want anything to extinguish them, or else they are hopeless. And the only thing in existence that can extinguish Darkrai is the Lunar Wing, which summons the pokemon Cresselia.”

Dr. Berry's smile faltered as he remembered his phone conversation with the mysterious Bret. “If Cresselia is summoned, very bad things will happen...” Would it be wise for him to trust this man?

“And,” Lucian continued, “When Cresselia is summoned, she will combat Darkrai and put it in its place. But, before we can do that, we must find the Lunar Wing. Now, I know that this may seem like a ridiculous question, but do any of you happen to know who might have it?”

Dr. Berry spoke up. “I had an anonymous phone call from someone claiming to be one of the survivors of Route 203. They told me some very interesting things...” From the briefcase lying at his feet, Dr. Berry withdrew several stapled sheets of paper. He handed it to Lucian, who adjusted his glasses. “The entire conversation printed.”

“Very interesting... This man, Bret you say, is a very valuable source. He might have just told us all that we need at the moment...” he murmured as his eyes scanned the document. “Hang on, did he say that he was one of the survivors of Route 203?”

“Yes.”

“Meaning, that there might be more? Him and another mystery man who is in possession of the Lunar Wing... he says that he knows who it is.”

“We have to find this 'man' then,” Dr. Berry concluded. “Now, we've managed to detect radiation coming off of a landmass near Darkrai's island... Bret says that this radiation is coming from Cresselia. If the Lunar Wing gave off the same kind of radiation, and if we could somehow track that type as well...”

“... Then we have a big advantage,” Lucian finished. “We can find the Lunar Wing, summon Cresselia, and from there we can lure Darkrai to Snowpoint where Cresselia, the other Elite Four, and I will be stationed, and the final showdown begins.”

Excitement flooded Dr. Berry at these last words. “But is it possible to reprogram the tracker to focus on only the Lunar Wing?”

“Of course it is. It will be a bit tricky, though. It will take me at least two days to get it working again. Mr. Arnold, if you would.” Lucian held out a hand, in which Arnold placed the tracker. As Lucian examined it, Dr. Berry heard the clink of a cup against the table.

“But what exactly are we supposed to do to lure Darkrai then?” asked someone a few seats away from Dr. Berry.

“That will be up to you,” Lucian answered, not taking his eyes off of the tracker. “What do you think would be big enough to get that monster's attention?” The table sat in silence for a few moments before Dr. Berry spoke.

“I'm sure most of you are aware of our mountain range, Coronet. It divides Sinnoh into two distinct halves.”

“Yeah,” someone shouted from the far end of the table. “Did you hear what that guy on the Bill Ray show said this morning? They think Mount Coronet is a chain of volcanoes!”

“Actually, they're right. A chain of volcanoes that have been dormant for a few hundred years now.”

“Where are you getting at?” Lucian asked, his eyes glinting behind his spectacles. The others seemed equally curious of his idea. People were leaning forward in their chairs, eager to listen.

“A wall... of fire.” Dr. Berry said. “Don't you see? If we could somehow induce an eruption, the volcanoes would eject magma thousands of feet into the air. With the help of all the pokemon inside of it, we will create an impenetrable wall. No man or pokemon would ever dare to cross that. If we are fortunate, Darkrai will be forced into staying in once specific location in Sinnoh. Then, Cresselia will force Darkrai into Snowpoint, where the Elite Four will be stationed to obliterate it.”

“You can't possibly be serious... Do you know what we would have to do? Brainwash all the innocent creatures living in Mt. Coronet into doing our bidding... And do you have any idea what effect this would have on the People of Sinnoh? Celestic Town will be destroyed!”

“A necessary sacrifice.” Dr. Berry said simply. Lucian rose from his seat. He had gone completely pale, and his gaze was fixed directly on Dr. Berry.

“You cannot do this. It's madness! The Elite Four will certainly not be a part of this torture.” Just as he turned for the door, Dr. Berry spoke.

“Lucian, you and your Elite Four are obliged to carry out my orders. I was the one who originally appointed you for the job, and you must do my bidding now. As president of Sinnoh, I order you to go to Mt. Coronet, awaken all the fire type pokemon hiding there, and make the mountains erupt. If you do not, then you lose your position in the Elite Four.”

“No government position is worth that,” Lucian said. His voice was filled with a contempt that Dr. Berry had never seen from him before. With that, Lucian slammed the door, leaving behind an awful silence that hung in the air as the occupants of the room waited for Dr. Berry's next move. But he, on the inside of course, was just as shocked as they were. It was always the calm, wise Lucian. He had seemed above getting angry, in a way. It was Mr. Arnold who spoke first.

“What now, President?”

Dr. Berry looked around the room. The eyes of his colleagues stared back at him with fear and uneasiness.

He took a sip of his coffee before answering, “We go to war.”


...


About one thousand miles south, in the Green Train Station, stood Sadie, Lisa and Dalton. They waited for their train outside, deciding that they would rather face the oncoming afternoon heat rather than handle the pushing and shoving of the building. “At least it's quiet out here,” Dalton had said. So it was there they waited, with a shabby, tilted roof over their heads and only a pole to lean on. Sadie stared ahead at the empty tracks, wondering where in the world their train was. She could tell that the heat was getting to her companions as well, from the way Lisa picked at the frilly edges of her dress and from the way Dalton heaved a sigh every minute or so.

My legs aren't too good in these pantyhose either... Sadie thought to herself, feeling a drop of sweat trickle down her back. I have to hand it to Lisa... she makes it look easy...


“Hey guys, would you like to donate to help out our army?” said a small boy in blue overalls. He sprinted over to where Sadie, Dalton, and Lisa were standing and held up a dusty jar.

“What army are you talking about, exactly?” asked Lisa before anyone else could respond.

“My friends and I are starting an army to help conquer the evil mastermind! We need money to buy guns and cannons.”

Lisa cocked an eyebrow. “Sorry, I don't give money.”

“What about you?” He turned to Sadie and Dalton, and held up the jar. It contained a few dollar bills, but was mostly empty. From the corner of her eye, Sadie saw Lisa shake her head in the slightest way. Sadie's mind suddenly flickered back to a few nights ago when their hotel cable went out. Lisa had spent the night telling them about scammers, and was most likely hoping that they would apply the lesson.

Dalton stifled a laugh. “The evil mastermind, eh? Well, I would love to donate, but I don't have any money right now,” he said, casually turning to the side so the boy wouldn't see his rifle.

“I heard that bullets don't have any affect on Darkrai,” Sadie said politely. The boy just stared at her, momentarily puzzled.

“What's a Darkrai?”

“Isn't that the evil mastermind you're trying to find?” Sadie asked.

“No, I was talking about President Berry. Well, thanks anyway!” And the boy ran off, leaving the three of them gaping.

“He wants to conquer... the President?!” Sadie wondered if she had heard the boy correctly. He was running to another man now – closer to the train station's entrance. She watched in shock as he dropped a twenty into the jar.

“He must be one bad dude!” Lisa exclaimed. “I have never seen citizens of any region show this much hate for their leader!”

“Well... I really have nothing to say at this point,” Dalton sighed. “When did you say the train was coming?”

“Right now!” Sadie said, pointing to a silver, bullet-shaped train emerging from a tunnel below the ground. It came to a smooth stop right in front of the station, opening its doors.

“All aboard! Train 306 to Eterna City!”

“Well it's about time!” Lisa said, relieved. She grabbed her bags and hobbled over to the train. Sadie and Dalton followed. She felt the rush of air on her sweaty skin, and instantly felt better. They chose the seats nearest to the exit, since time was of the essence.

“Okay, let's start setting the course,” Lisa said, pulling out a map of Eterna City, which they had obtained it at Floaroma's PokeMart. “If Rena is in Eterna City, she would probably be staying at the Eterna Hotel. So we'll have to go to the management to see if there's anyone named Rena Bedford staying at the hotel.”

“Rena didn't take her bike with her...” Sadie recalled. “So we have to check at Rad Rickshaw's to see if there's anyone with puffy red hair who recently rented a bike.”

“But what if she's not in Eterna anymore? I don't think she would stay in one spot for too long... would she?” Dalton asked. “She could be anywhere in the city. We'll have to go down Cycling Road and that would land us, me mostly, right back in Oreburgh!”

“But the south entrance is closed. No one is allowed to enter Oreburgh City. So our friend Rena is stuck in Eterna! But wait... she could have gone through the Eterna Forest...”

At this, Dalton lifted his head and stared at Lisa in amazement. “The Eterna Forest? No way.”

Lisa's eyes narrowed. “Why not? It's not that big. Barely two miles long.”

“There is no way we are looking for her in the Eterna Forest.”

“I'm asking you why!”

“There are ghosts in there!” The statement seemed so silly for an experienced soldier like Dalton that Sadie almost let out a laugh. But what stopped her cold was the truth of his words.

“He's not lying, Lisa! I've heard many stories about it. My neighbor's wife knew someone who went in there. Never came out.” Sadie hummed a spooky tune to heighten the moment. Lisa didn't seem convinced.

“Aw, come on Sadie. You can't be that much of a hypochondriac!” Lisa teased.

“Did you ever hear about Operation 46?” Dalton countered. “Everyone in the S.A.F. knows about that. A few years ago, a group of soldiers and their squad commander went into the Eterna Forest in the middle of the night to look for a criminal refugee escaping arrest. They went into the Old Chateau because they were hearing strange noises coming from it, and they assumed that it was the criminal. They kicked down the door and split up into separate rooms. None of them were heard from ever again. The criminal mysteriously vanished as well. Maybe they caught him, maybe they didn't. But the morning after their mission, the door was back on its hinges and without a scratch. The military base lost all contact with that team and its leader. Explain that!”

Lisa sat in silence for a moment, then groaned. “Look, you'll never get me to believe in your little ghost stories. It defies logic! They can't exist!”

“Okay... but you've been warned!” Sadie said, then hummed the same spooky tune.

“It's the non-believers that go first...” Dalton said menacingly.

Lisa giggled. “Very funny, guys. But if you really want to find Rena, I'm afraid that we'll have to look everywhere. And you know me, Sadie. If I'm willing to search for hours outside in a dark forest, that's saying something!”

Sadie sighed, and considered her statement. “Well... aw, what the heck. But we'll go there last, okay? I don't want this to be Operation 47 or anything...”

“It's the people who are afraid that go first,” Lisa said. “Because they create traps for themselves and then fall into them. I'm sure that whatever happened in Operation 46 has a reasonable, scientific explanation.”

“Well, science can't always explain everything...” Dalton said. His eyes flickered over to one of the windows, even though there was nothing really to see.

...

The speeding train advanced towards Eterna. A few miles west of the city, deep inside the Eterna Forest, the door to the Old Chateau gave the slightest jerk...
 
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Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Ayy, Mrs Lovett! I'm just marking my place in line. gonna be slightly busy, but will review the work asap!

Seeing as DP is kissing the forums goodbye (DON'T GO! :() i guess GRAMMAR TYME falls on me:

ERROR COUNTER: 0008

“So we'll run you through with the plan one more time,”

MEANS: We'll impale you with the plan one more time.

“So we'll run you through the plan one more time,”

MEANS: We'll explain the plan to you one more time.

Take your pick XD

he could almost feel a migraine headache coming on

both words for all intents and purposes are synonymous. Pick one or the other.

Then, you must lure Darkrai away from its current hiding spot

It's = it is. Easy mistake, just be more careful.

Almost instantly after Dr. Berry finished speaking, the object. Mr. Arnold was holding gave a loud beep.

The period mark after object shouldn't be there. Again, a fairly easy mistake to make when in a hurry.

It was always the calm, wise Lucian.

LOL, Lucian's a shellfish?! Try the edited version above.

My legs aren't too good in these pantyhose either

Pantyhose is uncountable, so care should be taken.

The Eterna Forest? No way.


No explanation necessary.

to look for a criminal refuge escaping arrest

Refuge= hiding place. Refugee= One who hides or undergoes refuge. Another one of those easy to make mistakes.

Well, quite the interesting chappie. DP commented on all i mostly wanted to say. Things are certainly getting intriguing, not to mention insane (In the case of president Berry)

and yes, DP is right... there are no Fire types in Mt Coronet, although Ground pokemon might achieve the same devastating effect.
L@er!
 
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DarkPersian479

Well-Known Member
Well I was gonna leave this place for good, but I guess I can do one more review for my favorite fic on here before I leave...

Anyway, it would seem that Dr. Berry isn't one for intelligent decision-making. His plan for Mt. Coronet seems like a horrible one from any perspective - heck, it's not even guaranteed to draw Darkrai, not to mention all the collateral damage (as an aside, I didn't know there were any Fire Pokemon or a volcano in Mt. Coronet - Then again, something had to create that monster volcano range...

More interesting debates between Lisa and Dalton between science and myth... though I would have expected Lisa to be leery of going in there because it's all OMG BUGS AND NATURE AND SHARP THORNS THAT RIP THE PANTYHOSE OH NOEZ! Wait - Is Lisa planning on renting a Lincoln Town Car or something?

Nice connection to the Old Chateau, though. And Lisa somehow needs to explain Ghost-type Pokemon...

she would probably be staying at the Eterna Hotel.
The Eterna Hotel? And not the Quality Inn? Shame on you Rena XD

Looks like the hunt for Rena is on, and hopefully someone can stop that deranged Dr. berry before he does something full of destruction and epic fail...
 
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