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Despero. WW1 Poem.

katiekitten

The Compromise
If you are wondering what the title means, it is latin. It means to be without hope.


“Mommy, when’s Daddy coming home?”
They ask with hope in their eyes.
How can I bear to tell them,
The way their father died.

The sun was shining brightly,
When I saw him last.
Tight in his warm embrace,
The tears start coming fast.

“Not for a while,” I tell them,
Turning my face away.
Visions of his smiling face,
In faded photos so grey.

A month had passed so slowly,
Leaves fading to fall,
I heard a car in the driveway,
I suddenly felt so small.

A knocking sound echoed throughout the house,
I struggled to hide dismay,
As I saw the army insignia on the callers chest,
He was supposed to return in May.

A Sergeant stood at the doorway,
Curly haired head bowed.
He looked up as I opened the door,
My heart was pounding ever so loud.

He had gravely tipped his hat,
Before passing his burden to me.
A tattered hat, a shrivelled letter,
I dreaded what I would see.

The sergeant left shortly after,
I guess he couldn’t wait.
I watched the car drive away,
So fast he had to be late.

The letter held an apology,
I read with a shaking hand,
My husband had passed away, it seemed,
On the enemies land.

They found him in a shell hole,
Shredded to pieces by the blast,
He hadn’t felt a thing, they assured me,
It had happened very fast.

The letter slipped from my grasp,
I collapsed to the floor and wept.
My soldier, my love, keeper of my heart-
I had nothing left.

My children, they comforted me,
Returned my will to live,
Although always at the thought of him,
I will feel my heart give.

So how can I tell them?
The way their father died.
How can I cruelly remove,
The twinkle of hope in their eyes.


Please read and review. I am not very good with poems, I just thought I would have a shot. *Shrugs* You never know...
 
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Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
How can I bare to tell them,

Just switch that to "bear" and that'll take care of that. ^_^

I wish I could provide a more detailed review here; maybe if I knew more about WWI and poetry in general, that'd help. ^_^;; It read easily enough, though, and I found no typos other than the one listed above.

In something of a creepy coincidence, the song I was listening to while reading this, "Lonely Day" by SOAD, seemed to fit pretty nicely with the character's sorrow.

I would say keep at it with the poems, and perhaps someone who's a little more knowledgeable about such can give you even more useful advice. ^_^; Thanks for pointing me towards this, though.
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
Thanks for reviewing, Sike. :)
I always get those two words mixed up. *commits to memory: Bear not bare* :)
 
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Despite the way you bent some sentances to fit the ryhme... It was fairly good.

I do like your straight-fowardness in your poem.

They found him in a shell hole,
Shredded to pieces by the blast,
He hadn’t felt a thing, they assured me,
It had happened very fast.

That was the best part, I like how instead of saying that he got blown up in a confusing manner, you just say it.

Very nice.

8/10
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
Thanks NiGHTS for reviewing! Rhyming can be a pain some times. I'll work on it. :)
 

Torkoal

What? Exactly
This is good. The whole thing flows well, and I see no errors.
10/10
 

KaMaKaZi

Well-Known Member
Yeh Your lucky i know about ww1 and when i write ww1 poems there alot different from this
there either anti war or the opposite of that
But i liked this poem
 
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