What I disliked:Chapter 12: Rescued!
Your welcome! And don't worry, 'cause that review is now! Yeah, I've only seen four (yours included) so far. Two are in here, if you're wondering what the other one is, it's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Journal. It's very good. And don't let the title fool you. The rest were on FF.net. Another would my own story, if that counts. What? Well, in my opnion, it's one of the best decisions The Pikémon Company made!Cassafrass1999 said:@TheCharredDragon - Thanks so much for that review! I would very much appreciate it if you wrote a nice review of my fic once you've read the whole thing. Wow really? First-person is my favorite view to write, so it was natural that I would use it for this fic. I'm surprised it isn't used more though. I have started playing the first PMD game, although I haven't finished it yet... but I am working on it. ^^;
I suggest you make any thoughts coming from the character italic to make it easier to tell the difference.Cassafrass1999; Chapter 2 said:"OK... these Pokémon are kinda creeping me out." I thought to myself.
Either you remove the "I" or change the sentence. It made no sense.Cassafrass1999; Chapter 5 said:"Well... we should I get back to sleep." Joltik quickly said. "We have a big day tomorrow as we try to find that good for nothing Absol..."
What? That doesn't make sense.Cassafrass1999; Chapter 5 said:"Good thing the front door is unlocked, and that we have this secret passageway." She said as we began to walk down into the darkness of the corridor.
Remove the second "had".Cassafrass1999; Chapter 5 said:Luckily, we had had just enough time to get through the door while covering it with the rug. Don't ask us how we did it, but we did.
Should be "now", unless the sentence was shortened.Cassafrass1999; Chapter 5 said:"Ah-ha!" He said as he quickly moved the carpet, revealing the door that we were hiding right behind. "I got you know!"
I think it's spelled "shriek"? I could be wrong though...Cassafrass1999; Chapter 6 said:"How dare you think you can stop me!" He shreaked, but he couldn't move.
What the heck?! You know Knightfall?! I can't believe it!Cassafrass199 said:I got this info from Knightfall on here, who kindly gave me this advice, which I thank him for that. So you should expect the new chapter to be up tomorrow!
I think using "was all I/he/she said" isn't the best idea. I feel like it's better to use it for suspense.Cassafrass1999; Chapter 7 said:"Grrr..." was all I growled back. I then peered at the bridge once more. Was it really safe to cross? I wasn't so sure...
Okay, this isn't a typo, but I have to say that Outrage is one of the strongest Dragon-type moves. How come Salamence wasn't enraged and how did Sky survive it?!Cassafrass1999; Chapter 8 said:As soon as I heard the bell ring again, I quickly used Sucker Punch, which hit Salamence pretty hard. But he soon hurried and got up again, using Outrage on me!
"Owww!" I screamed in pain. "I
thought you were gonna go easy on
I suggest blew up instead.Cassafrass1999; Chapter 9 said:Professor Juniper was hurrying around her lab, trying to fix the machine, which had apparently blown up after the accident.
It should be "Tornado".Cassafrass1999; Chapter 9 said:"I rescued you." Tropius said
proudly. "I attacked that Scyther
with Leaf Tornadoe, which knocked it
out just in time for me to dive and
come rescue you. After I had done
that I quickly finished off that
Yes Sky, NEVER trust the bad guys until you've seen ten tons of concrete proof!Cassafrass1999; Chapter 11 said:"Fine. Come with me, and I will tell you what I have to say." He began walking away from us, towards another room of the building. I was astonished that it had been so easy
to get him to listen to us. Almost a little too easy... but we began to follow him anyways.