TheWanderingMist
Paladin of the Snow Queen
That is not the post I expected to win but I'm happy nonetheless.
@Sketchie Let me know when you need things locked, so you can start up the new thread.
I frame the bedrock for arson that was actually committed by Jimchar the Chimchar.
I force a Mewtwo to kick the bedrock off of a steep waterfall, that leads into a deadly volcano.
I have a Level 10 Machamp use Seismic Toss on the bedrock.
I accuse the bedrock of high treason, and make sure it gets hanged, drawn and quartered.
I cover the bedrock with paper
Paper > Rock
I stab the Bedrock with a lightsabre.
I go after the bedrock with Highlander's sword (the one from the tv show), kill it and then become immortal.
I make the bedrock immortal, then throw it into the Lake of Fire, where it will be subjected to the Second Death.
I make the bedrock watch every Badly made Christian propaganda film ever made including If Footmen Tire You Out, What Will Horses do?
I tell the bedrock to tally its own damage
I destroyed all of the bedrock's video game save files for all of the games they've ever owned.
I burned the bedrock's dvd & cd collections
I make the bedrock an informant for the mob. Since it remains silent, it is thrown into the ocean where it will erode.
I pour hydrochloric acid on the Bedrock.
I make the bedrock so angry that it uses self-destruct.
I speak purposely bad Swedish to the bedrock to annoy it
I trigger the bedrock
I defenestrate the bedrock.
I block the bedrock from using the internet, then file a lawsuit against it and then have it arrested on false charges.
Each like on this post is damage to the bedrock.
I try to calm the bedrock down, it's had a stressful day after all, with all the lawsuits, the triggering and the purposely bad Swedish.
I try to build back up the foundation of trust that I ,ashamedly, have torn down again and again. I Tell the bedrock that I am truly and utterly sorry, and that from this point forward I'll be here beside it, through war and peace, through pain and struggle. I tell the bedrock that it would make sense for it to hate me, I did throw it into the sun twice after all, I tell it that it shouldn't feel like it needs to trust me ,I understand that it might not be there yet, and maybe it never will be, and that is fair, I absolutely get it, I understand.
I tell it that perhaps I don't deserve it's trust, I did all those terrible things after all and that cannot change, the past isn't malleable ,only the lenses through which we see it. But ,I say, but I know that unlike the past the future is malleable, it is not yet set. The future only sets when it goes through the present and becomes the past, that, that is the passage of time. Bedrock , I continue, bedrock please, allow the future to be better than the past by making the right choices in the present, is it the right choice to trust me now bedrock?, that I cannot say because I do not know. I am a strong believer in redemption , the idea that people can become better, is it not a noble sentiment bedrock my friend?, I hope you will allow me to at least attempt to redeem myself, to become a better man. Is that not to the meaning of life? To become better?
I understand ,bedrock, that this isn't easy ,most things worth doing aren't easy, but we need to start a process that will help us to begin to heal. I won't ask you to forgive me because I don't think I deserve that, but bedrock I will ask you something, what in your existence do you treasure most? I ask you this not to simply pry, no, but to better myself so I can become more like that which you most treasure, as a dependable bedrock like you would surely value most the best things in life.
I sit down next to the bedrock and I wait, sorrowfully, guilt filling my eyes with a contorted look of pain. I look up at the bedrock as I await it's response.
Once the bedrock has responded I will spit at it and mockingly laugh at it, I then speak once again to the bedrock, telling it that I only asked what it treasured most so I could take that from it first, and I make good on my word and take away what the bedrock treasures most. I think to myself, what a fool the bedrock is, but then I wonder if I am the fool for teaching the bedrock such a miserable lesson, I do not want the bedrock to become a pessimist as they are never disappointed and I want to disappoint the bedrock. I then wonder where I am, if this is hell for bedrocks or something like that, I then decide that this post has run it's course.
I declare the bedrock legally dead, impersonate it, and then pretend to have come back from the dead so I can proceed to take over the remains of its shattered life.
wtf, are you feeling ok @AgentKallus
*whacks the bedrock with a cricket bat so that this isn't a spam post*
I have Caveman go to the bedrock
Caveman: BEDROCK BAD *whacks the bedrock with a club*
I give the Bedrock a bomb disguised as a basketball.
I'd throw giant water balloons at the bedrock.
I overwhelm the bedrock
I underwhelm the bedrock.
I'm good... but the bedrock won't be feeling ok
The bedrock is attacked by badly animated CGI anthropomorphic cats
I whelm the bedrock.
I lock the bedrock inside of a creepy haunted house.
I abuse the bedrock
I let Jameschar cook for the bedrock, he burns all the food to cinders on purpose.
@Sketchie I hope my over the top post didn't kill this thread.
I force the Bedrock to watch every episode of Bibleman including the animated reboot for all eternity!
I throw rocks at the bedrock.
I tie the bedrock up onto a rocket and send it off into space where it gets sent into a wormhole and then into a black hole and disintegrates.
Ah I see.Homeboy, I'm working on a new post right now. Each bedrock doesn't get it's own thread, but rather these threads go and go and go and go... usually until a judge vanishes. V3 came about because I was the only active judge of V2 but didn't have control of the thread, V4 came about because I needed V3 closed down because it got out of hand, V5 because I vanished, V6 (current!) because the judge that came after me stopped judging. Have no fear! I'm working on judging all the backlog now.
*gasps* That's like throwing babies at human adults! The horror! -269
I free the bedrock from it's torment replacing it with another bedrock. I Then find the freed bedrock and use it's guilt to manipulate it into taking back it's old place and thus freeing the replacement bedrock.This leaves the bedrock perpetually unsure of whether or not it made the right call.