Devil's Canyon (AAML, ratings pg-13 to R)

[Lord of Music]

Greetings, pokeshippers! This is me again, but this time writing a fic. I would really appreciate comments, but don't be so harsh, as it is my first fic. It might take me some time to write chapters, as this is my first! Anyway, here we go.

Chapter 1 A New Adventure (rating is G haha)

Sunlight came upon the sleepy town of Pallet as a black haired boy was awakened by the chirping of a Pidgey. He slowly got up and yawned.
"Ahh Morning Pikachu."
The lump under his blanket moved slowly, then Pikachu got up sleepily.
"Piika..." it said, mad at his trainer for waking him up.
"Hey buddy, its 7 am. We have things to do."

Delia Ketchum was greeted by the groggy boy.
Ash Ketchum, her son, was 18 years old. He had started his journey with Pikachu, then had traveled around Kanto and Johto with Brock and Misty, two of his best friends. He had to part with them 5 years ago, and it was a very sad parting, especially with Misty, whom he had promised would travel with him again one day.
Ash had just arrived from Hoenn, and was taking a short break in his hometown.

"Good morning Ash. Feeling good today?"
"yaaaaaaaaaaawn" was his reply.
"Anyway Professor Oak was looking for you, i think he has another adventure you, as usual."
"Really? That's gonna be awesome!" he excitedly replied.

Later that morning, Ash and pikachu were at Professor Oak's.
"Well Ash, I suppose you want me to tell you a new region for you to explore." the professor said.
"Well, yeah! duhhh..." said Ash rudely.
"There IS something new I would like you to check out, but it doesn't involve catching Pokemon or collecting badges." said the prof.
"WHAT! You drag me here in the early morning, and waste my time, while I could have been giving my Pokemon some training? Geez!" he complained.
"Ash, there's more to life than collecting badges. Anyway, I want you to take a jetplane to the distant island of Desolado, and take a train to a mountain range to Devil's Canyon and..
"Coool!" Ash interrupted again.
"Anything called Devil's Canyon is surely exciting"!
"I want you to search for a certain treasure called the Salvation Gem..."
"Coool!" he interrupted again.
"Wait, how do you know that it's in the canyon place? Where there should I look? If its treasure, shouldn't treasure hunters be looking, and not me?"
"Ash, cool it. Listen to me for a second." Oak said.

"Every hundred years, in the middle of Devil's Canyon, the Salvation Gem, the rarest and most valuable jewel in the world, is said to appear to the person that deserves it the most. Now, I want you to go there, search for it, and bring it back home with you."
"Ok, but what would you use it for?" Ash asked.
" I heard, that there are a group of rogue treasure hunters called The Cruel Jewels, that are after it, and are searching for it as we speak.
"But if they are already after it, I don't have a chance of finding it before them!" Ash exclaimed.
"Ash, the Salvation Gem only appears to those who deserve its worth. If the Cruel Jewel members go there with wrong intentions, it won't appear to them."
Ash nodded his head. A long pause. Ash then said: "I'll do it."

*********************
"Psyduck, get out of the pool!" came the scream of an orange-haired girl.
"You know you cant swim, so stop trying!"
"Psyayay..." came the sad reply."

"Misty", came a groggy voice.
"What are you doing mopping the floor at 12 midnight?"
"Well, I wouldn't be doing this, Daisy, if you didn't have this huge party, I wouldnt!"
Daisy sweatdropped and left.

Misty sighed. Of her sisters hadn't gone on that 6 month shopping trip she would still be traveling with her closest friend, Ash Ketchum.
She secretly liked him, but never got the guts to tell him, fearing rejection.
Oh, how she longed to be with him, even for the shortest time.
BRRRIINGGG!!!
The video phone interrupted her thoughts. It was Brock another of her friends.

"Hey Brock." she said.
"Oh hi Misty, did I wake you?"
"No, I was... busy."
"Good cause I wanted to ask if you if you heard that Ash came home."
"Ash is home?" Misty asked, brightening up.
"Yeah he called and told me he's going off to a distant mountain range."
"Oh." Misty said, saddened by the fact he was leaving just when she knew he had gone home.
"Are you sick? You don't look so happy." Brock asked.
"It's nothing, just that I.. I miss Ash." She said sadly, blushing a bit.
"Oh, Ok." Brock said, looking a bit thoughtful.
"Bye."

*******************
Back in Pallet Town, Ash hung up his video phone.
"Who was that honey? Delia asked.
"Just Brock."
"Oh, what did he need?"
"He told me that I should take Misty with me to Desolado."
"Oh, why don't you?"
"Well, its just that I havent seen her in 5 years and she might have.... changed."
"Nonsense! Call her first thing tomorrow and ask her to come."
"Well,... Ok."

The next day, Ash called Misty.
"Hello?" Misty said.
"Hi Mist." Ash grinned.
"ASH?!?!??" Came Misty's reply.
"I havent seen you in ages!" she continued.
"Hahaha" He chuckled, and explained his destination to Misty.
"The Salvation Gem, huh? Well, my sisters are back, and I guess I could come."
"Ok, great!" said Ash.
"Bye! See you in two days." Ash hung up.

Misty calmly hung up, took two steps, took a few moments and shouted:
"Yessssssss!!!! My prayers have been answered!!!!!

End Chapter.

Darn, it sucked didn't it? Or not? Comments, please!

 

[Lord of Music]

Ok, this chap is a tad early, no home work much today. Anyway I would agree that Chapter 1 was boring, but be patient, it will get better and better.

Chapter 2 Sugar, Were Going Down! (Rating still G)
Two days later, Ash arrived at Cerulean City.
“Brings back memories, eh Pikachu?”
“Pika!” It agreed.
They walked for a while, enjoying the sights, when they arrived at Cerulean Gym.

“Like, Who is it?” Daisy’s voice rang a familiar bell in Ash’s mind, and he chuckled. “It’s Ash” he said.
The door swung open.
“Like, Ash! It’s been like, a long time!” Daisy said cheerfully.
“Yeah, sure has.” He chuckled.
“But like, what are you doing here?”
“Oh Misty didn’t tell you? Were gonna go..
His sentence was interrupted by Misty covering his mouth.
“Uh, hi Misty” were Ash’s scrambled words behind Misty’s hand.
“Misty, are you not like, telling me something?” Daisy inquired with suspicion.
“Uh… well …”
She was interrupted by Ash’s breaking free of Misty’s grip, and he started saying:
“Were going to go to a far-off island called Desolado where we are gonna search for an extremely rare and valuable jewel called the Salvation Gem” Ash blurted out.
“Soooo, Misty your gonna go with Ash again” Daisy smiled.
“Uhh yeah.” Misty blushed.
“Well ok, but don’t blame us if by the time you return all the cascade badges are gone.”
“Argh! You are so annoying!” Misty said.
“To help I’m leaving staryu here, but I’ll still bring Politoed and Gyarados.”
“Uhh, Mist?” Ash said.
“Sorry to interrupt, but our plane leaves in 2 hours.”
“Well… Ok, you guys have fun! Just… not too much fun, if ya know what I mean.” Daisy winked, to get Misty glance angrily at her.

************************

Ash and Misty were at the airport, about to board. The lady announced that it was time for the people flying in Cabin A, where Ash and Misty would stay, was boarding, so they did.
“So Ash, we never got time to talk about what’s been happening with you lately.” Misty suddenly said.
“Well, I came in top 2 in the Hoenn league.”
“Oh yeah, I watched that final match. You and your Pokemon were this close to winning!”
“Maybe,” Ash replied solemnly
“But I put too much pressure on them, and they cracked in the end.”
“Ohh… So what pokemon did you bring here?” Misty said, changing the topic.
“I brought Sceptile, Donphan, Swellow, Torkoal, Corphish, and Pikachu of course!”
“Pika! The” pokemon replied happily.

********************************

It was night time and most of the passengers were sleeping, including Ash and Pikachu. Misty was wide awake, thinking of the times coming in her future. She was going to spend two whole months with Ash, alone. She was excited, indeed, but also a bit apprehensive. This could quite possibly the last time she would be traveling with Ash, and she desired extremely to finally let her feelings out of her heart, but she was afraid that he would break it into a million tiny pieces, then would never be able to be mended ever again.
She quickly came back into reality, and turned her face onto Ash. He was sleeping, yet his face was filled with a look of determination, which swept Misty away. To her, his face was so bold and noble, and yet still tender and soft. She sighed and decided to try to get some rest.

All the passengers were awakened by a dinging sort of sound. It was the captain, on his PA.
“Folks, I’m sorry to wake you, but it seems that we have unexpectedly run out of fuel, and have to make an emergency landing in the middle of the ocean.”
Everyone started panicking, and putting on life vests. Ash and Misty were putting on theirs, with fear in their minds.
“What if Ash dies??” thought Misty.
“What if my Pokemon die??” thought Ash.

********************************
In the cockpit, two Cruel Jewel members in pilot uniforms grinned evilly.
“There were too many people there going to Desolado, and I’m positive most of them were planning to go to Devil’s Canyon to get the gem that is rightfully ours!” one said.

********************************

It was apparent to the people in the passenger cabins that their altitude was lowering at a dangerous speed. Most of them were in terror, fearing death most probably. One of these people was Misty, who grabbed Ash’s hand tightly. Ash didn’t mind. He was thinking of sending swellow to try and carry Pikachu back to land, and Misty on Gyarados. He told his plan to Misty and she said:
“What??!!??? No, Ash Ketchum, you are coming with us!”
The plane hit the water, breaking the plane into two. The flight attendants and the cockpit were on 1 side, the passengers on the other. The flight attendants rushed to the cockpit, to find nobody there, and a nerly full gas meter.

Misty was one of those who were thrown into the water, luckily with her life jacket on. She desperately searched around for Ash, but she found Pikachu, wearing Ash’s life jacket. Misty panicked, and sent out Gyarados and Politoed. She and Pikachu boarded Gyarados, while Politoed was sent to search for Ash.

In the meantime, most of the passengers sent out their water and flying pokemon to bring them to Desolado, which was the nearest island then. After a while, Misty, Pikachu and Gyarados were the only ones left. A lot of people offered to take Misty to Desolado, but she declined all offers. Finally, after what seemed like eternity to Misty, Politoed came back, with no Ash.

End Chapter.
So? Still sucked, or not as much? Comments please!

 

[Sableye King]

Well, its a big improvement on the first chapter, but it still needs work. I'm no expert on this but I'll try to do my best. Try putting more description in, instead of typing just what people are saying and doing. Also, indent new paragraphs and doublespace the dialouge. If you want more professional help, try asking the authors on the Pokeshipping Authors Club.

“What if Ash dies??” thought Misty.
“What if my Pokemon die??” thought.

This was my favorite part! It was so funny!

 

[Lord of Music]

Hey, thanks, sableye_king. I agree with you, even my professor says I need work in description. I'm glad someone replied, haha. Chapter 3 coming tomorrow.

 

[Lord of Music]

Hey guys, chappie is gonna be a little late, exams are getting to me! I'l hopefully have it tomorrow.

 

[honey_clover112]

Mini-mod-ing here, sorry.

Eh, I'm just gonna say don't double post...

Yeah...I remember my Pokeshipping days...:

But I liked the plot, actually. Eh, maybe I'll watch the fic. And please use spaces. Like..(Eh, this is my remake/mini-fic):

AIRPLANE:

Misty yawned, she didn't expect that she'd be early waking up. Then she heard someone..

"Misty..."Ash moaned. She guessed that he was dreaming about her...Wait. Dreaming about her?

Like that. You should make use of appropriate brackets too. Like ('....') for thinking and such. Okey? =)

Go on, get on with your fic.

;006;

 

[Encyclopika]

Mini-mod-ing here, sorry.

Eh, I'm just gonna say don't double post...

-----4.1) Only authors may double post in their fic threads for update purposes, though, they must be at least a day apart.

Sorry, honey clover112, but he's within the rules. Authors may have 2 back to back posts at a time as long as they're a day or more apart. Checking his posts, he's within the rules. In the future, don't minimod.

 

[Lord of Music]

Hey thanks, encyclopika, and you as well, honey and clover. Chapter 3 coming in a while.

Finally, Chapter 3, my longest so far. Starting Chapter 4, I will take in mind all the corrections you guys have made in my grammar and stuff but now,

CHAPTER 3 Desolado Island (Rating PG-13)

Misty’s heart skipped a beat. Politoed was apparently unsuccessful in finding Ash. Misty was lost in thought. She couldn’t leave now, that could only guarantee Ash’s death, while he may still be alive. A passing Pokemon ranger girl on a Pidgeot advised Misty to leave the area, as the increasing cold could make her sick, and the broken plane could explode anytime. Misty felt like exploding into tears. She was the only one left that could save Ash, her best friend for eternity, and the one she truly loved.

Misty was silent the whole short voyage. Her tear-soaked face contained all the necessary explaining. She was about to go into the gate labeled “Welcome to Desolado!” when she heard two very unexpected voices.

“Corphish!”

“Swellow!”

It was two of Ash’s Pokemon, carrying him to shore. Corphish carried Ash on his back while swimming, while Swellow carried him by the collar so that Corphish didn’t have to support his entire weight. Misty put her hands on her mouth with shock and awe. The exhausted duo dragged Ash to Misty’s foot area on the beach.

“Oh my God, Ash! Ash!!! Wake up! Pleease wake up!” she cried desperately.
“Say something, you can’t be dead!” she pleaded.
She started beating his heart area, hoping to hear beats from the still heart. She pounded harder and harder, losing hope quite quickly as tears once again flooded her face. Exhausted, she finally stopped, and bent over to listen to his heart. Still no beat. She collapsed herself on the ground, feeling extremely defeated, when Pikachu suddenly walked up to the unconscious Ash and gave him a massive thunder attack that very nearly hit Misty, who was beside him.

“Pikachu, what the hell!!!” Misty screamed at the electric mouse.

Suddenly, something happened that gave Misty goosebumps all over. Ash grunted and started moving as if he had just woken up from a deep slumber. He opened his eyes to find a grinning Pikachu and Misty with obvious awe.

“Pikachu, how the…. what did…”said an amazed Misty. Pikachu’s grin became wider as Ash said:
“Hey guys, what happened? Last thing I remember I was thrown out of my seat and I landed in the ocean. The rest doesn’t register in me.”
“It was them” Misty said, averting Ash’s attention to Swellow and Corphish, whose faint smiles could be seen on their tired faces.
“I’m so proud of you!!” Ash exclaimed, leaning over to give Pikachu, Swellow and Corphish.
Everybody smiled smiles of relief and joy.

Ash and Misty released their Pokemon and walked through the Desolado Gate to come across a sleepy-looking town, filled up with houses, farms, ranches, and inns.
“Hey kids!” said a gruff voice.
The teenagers’ attention turned to a middle-aged man standing in front of an inn. The man was a burly man, and strong by the looks of him.
“Are you two by any chance going to the Devil’s Canyon?” he inquired.
“Why, yes sir.” They replied at the same time, and they looked at each other right after replying, turned away and started blushing.
“Well than, today’s yer lucky night! We have two beds, free breakfast, and transportation that’ll take ya guys ta the train station tomorrow!” he said persuasively.
Ash and Misty looked at each other, flashing smiles of agreement at each other.

The man signaled the two to follow him into the inn. It was a rather quaint looking place, with a bit of a homy feel.
“This is Martha, the innkeeper.” The man said, pointing to a woman perhaps a little younger than him.
Ash and Misty were given the keys to their room, then were brought dinner.
While they were eating, a strange noise sounded, it was like a beeping sort of sound, but in a strange tone. The man’s facial expression became quite serious. He stood up, then said:
“I have something of extreme importance to do, and I will have to leave you kids. I will return when you two have already left, and I will have to say goodbye, and leave you under Martha’s care.”
He walked out, too fast for anyone to say goodbye.
Right after, Martha stood up and said:
“Well kids, it has been a long day for me. Here’s the key to the inn. Lock it when you are about to turn in as well. You are free to do pretty much anything, just no fooling around, if you know what I mean.” She flashed the two a smile. They both blushed madly.

It was late already, and Ash and Misty were on their respective beds, getting ready to sleep.
“Well Ash, its been a looong day for me, and I can tell you that I am TIRED.” Misty said sleepily.
“Yeah, me too. Drowning is apparently not easy as it seems” he chuckled.
Ash and Pikachu quickly fell asleep. Misty was still up. She was staring at Ash’s face, which soothed her in a way. She desired to get up and give him a small kiss on the check, but she was so tired she quickly fell asllep.

*******************************

“Misty, I love you.” Ash said with much emotion in his tone of voice.
“Ash, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that to me” she replied.
They both instinctively leaned over and gave each other a kiss. It was anything BUT an ordinary, first kiss. It was way passionate, both in tight embraces and feeling really into it, with no inhibitions at all.
Misty was at her peak. Nothing could go wrong for her, or so she thought.
Then she woke up.

Misty was in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She had just woken up, and it was obviously late morning as it was bright and Ash and Pikachu weren’t in their bed; this was the time they usually got up. Her thoughts then panned over to her dream last night. She was sooo happy the previous night, and she found out it was all a dream.
“Oh sh*t. what a way to start the day.” She sighed to hersef.

She walked into the dining area where Ash,Pikachu and Martha were having breakfast.

“Morning Mist!” he teased her with her old nickname.
“Morning Ashy!” she taunted back.
“Okay kids, after you finish breakfast, get your stuff together and I’ll take you guys to the train station as the train leaves kind of early.” Martha said.

Ash, Misty and Pikachu were already riding to the train station, in fact they were nearly there. Martha had not said a word since her statement at breakfast.
They finally arrived at the train station, and the first thing the teenagers noticed was that there were a bunch of kids about there age in a small group arguing with some person in a uniform. Ash approached one of the kids and asked him:
“Hey, what’s the big commotion all about?”
“It’s the train manager, he says no more trains will be going to Devil’s Canyon.” The guy replied.
“What?!?” Ash yelled. “Why??”
“He says that members of some group called the Cruel Jewels are all over Desolado especially the Devil’s Canyon area, and recently one member pretended to be a train conductor, hijacked the train to Devil’s Canyon, and wrecked it real bad. So, he reckons there won’t be any trains goin’ there for a while.

Ash rubbed his temples, he now had a headache. He explained the situation to Misty, and her reaction was about the same as his. They sat down for a while, trying to think of another way to get to their destination while a voice caught his attention.

“Hey you! Kid! The one with the Pikachu!”

Their attention turned to another man, wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses.

“I hear yer goin’ ta Devil’s Canyon?” the man asked casually.
“Uhh yes sir.” They replied.
“Well, last time I checked, it was a brutal place! All them trainers and pokemon who were lucky ta git out in one piece looked the were mobbed or something!” the man said, scaring Misty and Pikachu. Before Mist could say anything, Ash said:

“Hah! Nothing is too hard for me!” he did his trademark pose.
“Well then I can take ya there, but first, ya gotta beat me at a battle!” the man invited!
“Alright!! Finally, some action!” Ash cried out in delight.

************************
“Ok, a two on two battle, one at a time!” the man yelled to Ash, who was across him on a mini battlefield. Misty was on the sidelines, cheering for Ash.
“Corphish, go!”
“I choose Gallade!”
“Lets start this! Corphish, bubblebeam!”
It shot speeding bubbles at Gallade, who started to glow. It surrounded itself with a mystical aura that sent the bubblebeam straight back at corphish, knocking it out.
“Misty and Ash’s mouths were hung wide open in shock. Gallade won without the man saying a single word.
“Ash, I get it! Misty yelled to him. “Gallade is a psychic type! It can read his mind!”
Ash, unfazed sent out Sceptile.
“Leaf blade, now!” They both said.
The two pokemon collided, and were sent back, unhurt.
Gallade began to glow, and sent out a flamethrower, which hit sceptile head on.
Sceptile got back up, and without Ash’s command sent out a leaf storm knocking Gallade out.
“Whoa, nice move!” Ash exclaimed to sceptile.
“Go Elecivire.” The man said calmly.
Elecivire rushed Sceptile with a series of Thunderpunches, knocking it down, but not out.
“One more to end this.” The man said.
Elecivire tried a thunderbolt, but Sceptile jumped up, and hit the ground with a leaf blade, causing an eartquake, and knocking Elecivire out.

**************************************
It was after the match, and the man, after warning the teens again about the Canyon agreed to take them there.
Ash and Misty were both thinking.
What new surprises and adventures would they find there? Would they be able to stop the Cruel Jewels? Would Misty be able to tell Ash the truth?? Find out next time.

Chapter end
Comments...

 

[Lord of Music]

Chapter 4 in about max: 4 days, have been busy with stuff...
Comments would still be nice.

 

[Lord of Music]

Sorry, chapter 4 will be late. Personal reasons, dont ask.
Comments?

 

[Dark FireBird]

i thought that chapter was a good improvement on your previous 1's- good sense of suspense at the start with the plane crash and pikachu saving Ash. you're getting better with the descriptions too, we just need more! seriously though, i liked the battle scene- you could just maybe add some more descriptions on how the pokemon look, what the attacks look like, how Ash is reacting to the battle maybe, etc.
i'm new to this, but i hope this helps a bit, and i don't want to be too harsh!
just keep at it- i can't wait to read your next chapter!

 

[Lord of Music]

You weren't harsh at all, I aprecciate the comment a lot. Yes, my first fic, and my descriptions are amateur. Expect chapter 4 to be shorter but more descriptive.

 

[Lord of Music]

OK guys. I'm going to be a little serious. These past few days I have been encountering personal troubles and my passion to continue this fic has run low, and the small amount of people reviewing isn't helping. I might not continue, still thinking.

 

[Dark FireBird]

maybe doing the fic would help take your mind off things?.. don't know, it's your decision, but if you decide to keep writing, i'll try and keep reviewing for you.

p.s maybe if you didn't say your fic was "sucky" in your sig then maybe more people would R&R? you shouldn't put yourself down so much!
try and stay positive and i hope you work out your personal problems.

 

[Lord of Music]

Thanks, but Im still considering.

 

[Lord of Music]

Hey all, I have decided to keep this here. Chapter 4 will come before you know it.

 

[Dark FireBird]

yay! glad you reached your decision tru blu127! could you maybe PM me when chapter 4 comes out so i can R&R it for you?

 

[Lord of Music]

Ok. I have some sort of math camp, will be gone for a while. I know, its been a long time since chap 3, and will get on to it as soon as I can, again thank you dark firebird!

 

[Dark FireBird]

math camp? poor you! (unless you like maths- i've personally never been a big fan of the subject!) that's ok, i'll just have to try and wait a bit longer then! when do you go away?

and your'e very welcome tru blu127! glad if i helped a bit!

 

[Lord of Music]

You've helped a lot, believe me. Math - I am good at it, I dont necessarily like it. It will give me a chance to go to england, so I opted to join camp.