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Devil's Canyon (AAML, ratings pg-13 to R)

Almost done with chapter 4b, didnt have computer access for a while so i couldnt work on it. am trying my best to make it at least decent for a first fic, and i hope more people will review soon.
 
I have finished Chapter 4B, and it is very short. Again, this is because I split chapter 4 into two parts. Just try to kinda put them together. Anyway, here it is:

Chapter 4B: The Inscription

Ash and Misty couldn’t do anything. There, right in front of them, was a positively huge SANDSTORM. It was so wide, you couldn’t see it’s end if you had a bird’s eye view. It was only fitting, that it would be called a monster.

They just stood there, frozen by fear, as the beast sandstorm came towards them faster than they could imagine a sandstorm to be.

“Misty! Get down!” Ash yelled at her.
It was probably there only chance. The pokemon couldn’t do anything, and it was already right in front of them. The two dropped themselves on the ground, Ash holding on to Pikachu. Then it came.

The pain of piercing sand just pecking at them was razor sharp. Misty couldn’t hold on. She let go, and was blown away.

“Misty, no!!!” Ash screamed, still holding on to Pikachu and a rock.

About ten minutes later, Ash and Pikachu were knocked out. They had cuts and bruises all over, and they had just endured a seemingly never ending sandstorm.
Pikachu was awakened by a Staraptor’s cry. Pikachu shocked the overhead Staraptor, to make sure it knew they weren’t dead.
Ash woke up. He made sure pikachu was ok,then got up to scan the area. The place looked a little different. No pokemon were in sight, the mountains looked darker, and it was dark considering the time.
4: 32 pm. That’s what Ash’s watch said. Ash didn’t know whether his sight was affected by the monster sandstorm, or night really started very early in the canyon.
Ash chose to go with the latter thought, not wanting to add to the problem that Misty could be anywhere. Misty could even be dead.
Not wanting to dwell on bad thoughts any longer, Ash started walking down the bumpy path, carrying an exhausted Pikachu.
Not very long after, his stomach grumbled. He had no choice; he had to eat, or he would probably collapse. He looked in his backpack, and to his dismay, there was nothing to eat. All the things that weren’t blown away in his bag were his Pokeballs, and the wooden stick the old lady had given him.

“It was supposed to give me good luck!” Ash stared angrily at the cane in his hand. He was about to break it in two when something caught his eye. It was an apple tree. In the middle of Devil’s Canyon.
Ash, dumbfounded, walked slowly towards the apple tree, the stick still in his hands. He was close enough to read an inscription on the tree’s bark:
Here in Devil’s Canyon,
Expect nothing, yet expect a lot
Be wary, luck’s all you got
If you don’t look closely,
You will find the horrors you didn’t think possible
But open your heart
And your dreams will unfold
People have gone mad though, in Devil’s Canyon
Searching for a false desire
All you need to do
To keep your mind
Is to keep your heart
And to trust the STICK.

Ash finished reading. He couldn’t really make heads or tails of the inscription, but he definitely understood the last line. He looked at the object in his hands, then nodded.

Ash couldn’t reach the apples in the apple tree, and Pikachu was still too weak for an electric attack. He tried to think of what could help him reach the apples.
“If only Misty were here….” He thought.

If Misty was indeed there, she would probably laughing in his face. Why? The solution to his problem was in his hands.
Fortunately, Ash realized that. He used the stick to knock off the apples and he caught them before they could fall to the ground.

A few minutes after, Ash and all his pokemon were eating.
“Trust the stick.” Ash munched. “ Trust the stick.”

Chapter End
Comments…
 

Dark FireBird

Ah ha!! ♪
good end to chapter 4. short but sweet i suppose! just make sure you keep up with the good descriptions you were using in 4A, i thought they were slightly lacking in this half of the chapter. but good work nonetheless (sp?). i hope misty's ok though and ash and pikachu find her soon! and i wonder who put the inscription on the apple tree? as always, can't wait for your next chapter! ^_^
 
Hey, hi again Dark FireBird! Yes, I know chapter 4b was too short, and lacking of descriptions. I made it that way because it was just sort of a follow up to 4A. 4A really was the major part of chapter 4, and chapter 4b was to further the story a little more, and to end the whole chapter 4 on a good note.
 

Dark FireBird

Ah ha!! ♪
hi tru_blu127! :D i thought that's what 4B would be for. as a whole though, with both parts included, this chapter was good imo. please keep it up! i want to find out what happens to misty, and what else this stick ash has got can do! lol. ^_^ will chapter 5 be up soon?... sorry, not meaning to rush you or anything!... ^_^;;
 
haha
well, there are going to be many important inanimate objects further in the story you can count on that. :)
don't worry too much about misty, shes tough.
i have started chapter 5, but i want it to be a lot better than 1-4 so im really working hard, so wait a bit. it'l come before you know it.
 
Ok, Chapter 5.

Surviving without him or her (rating:g)

Misty stared at Psyduck, who was in its usual position: Its hands over it’s head. Except something wasn’t right. Psyduck was about 20 feet tall. Misty screamed as Psyduck’s eyes turned blue and it prepared for its psychic attack on her. Right before the gigantic psyduck’s attack, Ash came into the scene. He was wearing a suit of armor, and he was carrying a long, sharp sword. A typical knight–in–shining-armor. The giant psyduck waddled away in fear as Ash swung his sword at its face.

Misty looked dreamingly at her hero as he bent down beside her. They both closed their eyes and prepared to kiss, when Misty woke up.

She opened her eyes slowly, then took a few seconds to take in the reality of her situation.

“ Just a dream…” she sighed to herself.

She stood up with some difficulty, still exhausted from being blown across the canyon.
The sun was high, and it was very hot. The mountains and crags were a bit reddish, instead of the brown-colored ones she saw when she was with Ash and Pikachu. The area was free of pokemon, save for a few numel, camerupt, geodude, and torkoal she spotted.
Her backpack was still okay, and she confirmed that all her belongings were still inside. She then realized that all the food they packed was with her, and that Ash and Pikachu had none. Misty began to worry about them and wonder if they were okay. They had (hopefully) endured the sandstorm, and they had no food.

“How would they find food in the middle of a canyon?” she worried.

**********************************

Ash and Pikachu began their journey across Devil’s Canyon. Their objectives were to find Misty, and to save the Salvation Gem from the Cruel Jewels. The sun was right above them, meaning it was noon. It also meant that they probably would have to take double resting breaks because of the heat.


Many times Ash and even Pikachu wanted to stop and rest for longer, but the thought of what could happen to Misty while they were relaxing fueled them on. Whenever they were thirsty, Ash sent out Corphish to water gun into their mouths. Sometimes, Pikachu would whine to be carried. Ash sent out Swellow to do this until it too, got tired. They encountered many wild pokemon like Staraptor, Skarmory and Sandslash. Usually Ash would use Sceptile and Donphan, as Ash’s other pokemon were exhausted doing other jobs.

Finally, it was dark.

“That was the longest six hours I’ve ever hiked a desolate canyon through…” Ash groaned.

“Pika…” said the electric mouse in agreement.

“Tired?” Ash spun around as he heard a familiar voice.

His heart sank when he saw not Misty, but the old woman at the gates of the canyon.

“Yeah..” Ah said.
“Wait, how did you get into the middle of the canyon without your walking stick?” Ash suddenly remembered the wooden cane that helped them get food.

“Well, ninety-two years of living ‘round these parts helped me pull through, I guess.” She said bluntly.

“NINETY-TWO? GOD, YOUR OLD!” Ash blurted out, apparently forgetting Misty’s lesson on manners.

“Oops, sorry.” Ash said sheepishly.

“Anyway, how do you find the canyon? Any luck with the Cruel Jewels and the Salvation Gem?” asked the old lady.

“WELL, I DON’T KNOW! I’m running out of apples for food, my best friend is probably dead, and I have know idea how the hell I’m gonna get myself out of here, let alone rescue some stupid jewel from a huge group of thieves!!!” Ash exclaimed.

The old woman looked unfazed.

“You mention something about apples?” the old lady asked.

“Yeah. Pikachu and I found an apple tree in the middle of some rocks with an inscription on it.” Ash recounted.

“Which said?”

“I forget. Anyway, don’t you find it kinda odd? An apple tree? Here??” Ash said.

“Yes, it’s odd.” She said, with the least amount of emotion in her tone of voice.
“Apple?” she asked.

“Why thank you!” Ash quickly gobbled up his half, and gave the other half to pikachu.

“Hey wait a minute? Where’d you get an apple?” Ash said.

By the time he turned around, the old lady was gone. The place where she was sitting down had a note scratched on the sand.

“Ash, use the stick wisely! Best of luck!”

*******************************************

Misty finished up her dinner. She ate sparingly, in the fear that her food would run out soon.

She stared at the stars, wanting to forget her hunger and fall asleep.
She thought she saw Ash’s face, formed by a pattern of stars that were twinkling brighter than she had ever seen in her life.

“Guess this place does have its perks.” She thought to herself.

She looked up again. The constellation was gone.

“Where are you, Ash?”

She fell asleep shortly.

*****************************

It was a cool temperature for a canyon. What was even stranger was that it was in the middle of the morning.

“Misty?”
“Misty!”

Misty turned around to see who other but Ash.

“Ash!”

She quickly stood up and ran towards him for an embrace when she woke up.

**********************************

“I have GOT to stop having those kind of dreams….” Misty thought to herself.

She looked around. It was hot, as a canyon would be expected to be. She was starving; she hardly had any dinner, and it was almost time for lunch. She looked into her backpack, but all the food was gone.

Misty caught a glimpse of a sandshrew digging into the ground holding what looked like her lunch.

“Come back here!” she shouted angrily.

It was no use. Neither Gyarados or Staryu could dig, and Psyduck was well, psyduck.

Just when she thought all hope was lost, she turned around. She rubbed her eyes and pinched herself to make sure she was not dreaming, but it stayed there. An apple tree.

Chapter End
Comments….
 

Dark FireBird

Ah ha!! ♪
hi again tru_blu127! yay! new chappie! :D i loved the shippy part at the beginning with misty's dream- knight in shining armour! lol. brilliant! hmm, and the apple tree keeps turning up.. is it the same 1 that ash already found or is it a different 1? or is it just magic and can appear anywhere?! will it have a big part in the rest of the story? will misty even be able to get any apples off it since ash only got some with the stick, which she doesn't have? wow, i ask too many questions! @.@

anyway, this was a good chapter. you still need description sometimes, but you are improving well- keep it up! grammar was ok, although the bit in misty's 2nd dream was a bit iffy- i think it should maybe be something like, "misty turned around to see none other than ash." other than that i liked it. as always, can't wait for the next 1! ^_^
 
haha yeah, I still have trouble putting in romantic details.

The stick, the apple tree, and the old lady are of Vital Importance in the following chaptes. The characters of the Cruel Jewels will be revealed, as well as Devil's Canyon itself.

As always, please be patient fo the next chap.

Thanks
 
Ok, here are some slight spoilers for chapters 6 up

-one major character will die
-there will be at least 10 chapters, but less than 20 chapters to go.
-the canyon ITSELF will be perhaps the most important part of the nonshippy part of the story
-characters from the show will make an appearance

chapter 6 coming. cant say soon, but just wait.
 
thanks! sorry, but you'll have to wait quite a bit for c. 6. im being overloaded with other things, and il try to advance it whenever I can.
 
Chapter 6
"The Reunion" Rating G


Misty was relieved, shocked and happy. She now had a new source of food. She quickly grabbed the apples from the tree, not even hesitating to think why the tree was there. She sent out Gyarados, Staryu, and Psyduck and the four of them started eating hastily, as if they hadn’t eaten in years. To Misty, it seemed just like that.

“Tastes good, doesn’t it?”

Misty was surprised to see an old lady sitting on a rock behind her.

“I’m sorry miss, I didn’t see you. Would you like to have an apple?” Misty asked politely.

“Nah.” The old woman said.

“Anyway, you must be Misty. Pleasure too meet you.” The old woman extended her hand to the surprised Misty.

“H-how did you know my name?” Misty asked cautiously

“I met your friend before he entered the canyon, and I saw him again last night.” The old woman said.

“Oh, so you must be the old lady who – DID YOU SAY YOU SAW ASH?!”

“Well if that is his name, then yes.” She said matter-of-factly.

“Quick, guys!” Misty said excitedly as she returned her pokemon to their pokeballs.

“ Thanks for the help!” Misty called out as she ran to find Ash.

The old woman just smiled and waved.


******************************

Ash and Pikachu sat on the hot ground. The temperature of the ground was extremely hot, but it was much harder to march on in the blazing heat. Their apple supply was slowly decreasing, as Ash had to feed himself and his hungry pokemon twice a day.

“I’m confused, Pikachu.” Ash said.

“Pika….” It replied exhaustedly.

“I think we all know that our food will run out soon. What makes our dilemma even harder is that we don’t know whether to look for Misty or to save the Salvation Gem.

“Pika….” It said exhaustedly, but understandingly.


Ash thought to himself for a while. Would Ash save the Salvation Gem from the Cruel Jewels and leave Misty, who was probably dead?

Or, would he save all the food for the journey to find Misty, and risk the chance of the Cruel Jewels finding the Salvation Gem?

“God, what problems am I getting myself into? I’m just a teen!” Ash sighed and massaged his temples.

“Something wrong kid?”

Ash turned to see a man with a cowboy hat and shabby brown shorts.

“N-nothin, why? Who are you?” Ash asked, trying to hide his fear. After all, it could easily be a Cruel Jewel member planning to kill everybody else looking for the Salvation Gem.

“I’m canyon patrol. M’ names Charlie.” The man said as he reached out his hands.

“I’m Ash. Ash Ketchum. I, uh…. I’m looking for my dad. He’s canyon patrol too.” Ash lied. He couldn’t think for a better one, so all he did was keep a poker face.

“S’that so.” Charlie said blankly.


“Hey Charlie, find anyone?” a nearby voice called out.

“A kid.” Charlie replied, still eyeing Ash and Pikachu.

Ash saw a smaller and more naïve-looking guy pop up beside Charlie. He was wearing the same cowboy hat, and had a collared green-brown shirt with black buttons, and a similar pair of brown shorts.

“What’s up kid? I’m Max.” he said, extending his hand. He was obviously a lot friendlier than Charlie, so Ash gladly shook it.

“Says he’s dad’s from the patrol.” Charlie said with no emotion whatsoever.

“Really? That’s awesome man! What’s your dad’s name?” Max asked Ash excitedly.

“B-billy.” Ash lied, trying not to show his deception in his face.

“Don’t know him. Maybe he’s on another patrol branch. Eh, Charlie? Max asked with much enthusiasm.

“Maybe.” Charlie said, suspiciously eyeing Ash.

He continued staring for about 10 seconds until he said

“Well kid, we can’t leave you here. We gotta bring ya back tah the station.” Charlie said, signaling Ash to follow him.

“But wait! I can’t just go. I’ve got to find my friend! She’s probably hopelessly lost.” Ash protested.

“Kid, you’re about the tenth kid we found ‘round these parts today. ‘Yer bound to find someone ya know. Now, cmon!” Charlie said again.

Ash had no choice but to follow Charlie and Max. After all, they might have found Misty. Still, they might be Cruel Jewel members. He decided to worry about Misty forst, and obediently walked.


It was a twenty-minute walk to the station, which was up on a small, rocky hill. Ash entered the door to the station after Charlie and Max.

There he saw a few other teenagers. They explained to men in uniforms similar to the ones of Charlie and Max that they were sent to save a rare gem from the Cruel Jewels. Some of the men wrote information down, others simply listened to the kids, and others explained that it was the patrol’s job to hunt down the Cruel Jewels, and not theirs.

Charlie and Max instructed Ash to wait as they talked to someone. Ash patiently did as told, but overheard a little from the room.

“Another kid? That makes thirteen today!” said a booming voice.

“I know boss, ain’t it weird?” max said.

“As if we didn’t know what they were looking for!” Charlie said.

Charlie and Max laughed, but Ash heard the man with the booming voice silence them.

Not long after, Charlie and Max emerged, followed by a tall and muscular man.

Ash understood why the man was the boss of the patrolmen. His presence was VERY intimidating. He circled around Ash a few times. Ash noticed that the other kids and patrolmen stopped their business and looked at the boss and Ash.

“Ash Ketchum?” the boss said in a gruff voice.

“Y-yes s-sir.” Ash’s fear could not be hidden one bit.

The boss seemed to be taken back by the commen.

“Why, don’t call me sir. Call me Lester.” As he extended his arm.

Ash, surprised by his kindness, shook his hand.

“We have a certain red-headed female who my men found earlier that claims her father is in another branch of canyon patrol.” Lester said.

“Nice one, Misty!” Ash thought to himself and smiled.

“….She claims to know you?” Lester continued.

Misty emerged from a room across that of Lester’s office.

“Ash!” she said happily.

She rushed over and hugged Ash. Pikachu said “Pika!”, happy to see its old friend. Max smiled at the scene.



“We better bring you two home.” Lester said.

“Charlie, escort them to the helicopter please.”

Ash and Misty looked at each other. They needed an excuse to stay in the canyon.

“Actually, Charlie-” Ash said.
“We promised our fathers that we would go to them before we left.”

Misty nodded her head to Charlie.

Charlie looked at Lester, who seemed to be troubled.

“Well kids,” Lester sighed.

“I will let you go.”

Ash and Misty smiled triumphantly.

“But!” Lester suddenly exclaimed.

“Whatever, whatever harm happens to you or your pokemon is no longer our responsibility.” Lester said in true general fashion.

The two nodded their heads in agreement, than quickly ran out of the building.


*********************************

That night, Lester called Max and Charlie to his office.

“Think they’ll be any trouble?” Lester asked.

“I don’t think so. They’re both kids.” Charlie said.

“Still. Did you see how many kids tried to steal the Salvation Gem?” Max said.

“Yeah…” Lester reluctantly agreed.

“So when do we charge?” Charlie asked.

There was a long pause.

“Soon.” Lester said.

*****************************
Chapter end

Comments...
 

Dark FireBird

Ah ha!! ♪
nice chapter! sorry i couldn't comment on it sooner- been crazily busy! lol. anyway, i thought it was good- you're improving all the time! i liked the reunion at the end between ash and misty, although it maybe could've been a bit more shippy... are the canyon patrol up to something too? they just seemed kinda suspicious in the last paragraph- are they after the gem too maybe?.. anyway, just more random questions from me! ^_^ will be back for your next chapter! :D
 
haha thanks. Comment anytime. I intentionally cut the shippyness of the reunion to save it for chapter 7. All I can say about Max, Charlie and Lester is that they will have VERY IMPORTANT ROLES in the next chapters, alongside the old woman and the apple tree.

I think its safe to say that chapter 7 will be (one of) the most important chapters of the story, so make sure not to miss it!
 

ITG_213

Well-Known Member
Marco, nice fan-fic, the only thing you need to improve on I guess are the descriptions and character build-up. Give more detail too.

BTW, what proffesor? We just have teachers, lol :p
 
Isaac, i never knew you were a pokeshipper
Anyway, chapter 7 coming soon, busy with stuff
 
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