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Digimon: New Beginning, New Tamers

hIrAm

Well-Known Member
Hello, and welcome to my first fan-fic, entitled, Digimon: New Beginning New Tamers. I hope you enjoy your read, and keep coming back. I will be pointing a couple of the things I do below here, so read these first.

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Reading My Fic

I will be using a couple of different writing techniques, to describe certain things going on in my fic.

"Italic" - Italics will be used to show a train of thought by a character or Digimon.

Underline - Underlined words will be either Digimon or humans, that I have provided a link for you to see at the start of a certain chapter.

Bold - Bold will be used for emphasized words.

-+-+-+-+- - This will be used when I'm showing a time passage. The most it will count for will be an hour or so.

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At the start of every chapter, I may or may not include links to new Digimon or characters. This is so it makes the story more enjoyable and imaginative as possible for the reader.

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Also, I will be posting my first chapter a little later today, and this main post will be used for information purposes only.
 

hIrAm

Well-Known Member
Digimon revealed in this episode: Kyaromon, Kyokyomon, and Chocomon

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Episode One: A New Start

“Brooke!! Let’s go!!” Michael yelled through the hallways of the massive house. “Get your friends, and let’s go. We’re gunna be late!!”

Michael was an ordinary boy of fifteen, has short, blonde hair, which he usually kept hidden, underneath his backwards black hat. He wore jeans, and a black t-shirt, and a navy zip-up hoodie. Today was his younger cousin’s birthday, and he was in charge of taking them to the movies.

“Have fun children!!” Called the parents, as Michael and the girls stepped out the front door.

It was a only a short walk to the nearby theater that he was taking them to, and he could only hope that his plan would work, and that his friends would meet him there.

“Michael, how long is the movie?” Asked Brooke, Michael’s younger cousin. She had long brown hair, which was put in a ponytail most of the time, and she had just turned 12. She wore a pink shirt with a light blue sweater over top, and a pair of black pants covered her legs.

“It’s too long ..” Michael sighed. The day he surmised was that he would drop the girls off, not watch the movie with them. As far as he saw it, his day was ruined. “Ouch!! What was that for?!?” Michael yelled, rubbing the back of his ankle.

“You are walking too slow.” Brooke snapped. “Get a move on!”

A few minutes later, they had arrived at the theater, and Michael had to buy popcorn for all of the girls. His friend, Jason, had arrived as they were about to take their seats, and he came up beside Michael.

“Hey buddy, how’s it been?” Jason asked, with a rather sarcastic look on his face.

“Don’t start with me.” Michael replied with a groan. The movie was about romance, and the boys knew that they wouldn’t like, so they went to go get something to eat from the front concession.

“I’ll take a bag of gummies, please.” Jason asked the clerk.

As the worker reached down to get the bag, there was a large crack, which sounded from the movie room. Not thinking anything of it, Michael looked back towards Jason, who had just dropped his bag of gummies, as well as his jaw. Michael rushed around, to see nothing but a white screen, with a blinking image of a cat on it. Jason pulled a phone out of his shorts pocket and he held it up to take a picture, when four lights appeared in the middle of the screen, all of different colours. They emerged from the screen, and took flight towards the already frightened audience.

The boys ran into the main movie room, and noticed that the two of the lights were flying at them, one a dark green, and another a deep yellow. As the lights got closer, Michael ran towards Brooke and her friends, who were violently shaking and screaming their heads off, all but Brooke.

Brooke was staring, eyes wide open, at the blue light rapidly coming towards her. Michael turned, and saw that the dark green light had already ceased in front of him, and was now gently floating. With another look at Brooke, he felt his feet come off the floor, and Brooke’s body started to glow. Looking at his hand, he saw nothing but a white glow, and then it vanished. His hand had just vanished in front of his own face. Michael yelled, and he felt a strange rush go through his head. He reached out to grab the movie theater seat, but realized there was nothing there.

With a large thud, he landed on what felt like a pile of rocks.

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Amanda brushed dirt off of her dark blue skirt, and cleared the random shrubbery that had gotten tangled in her golden, blonde hair. She picked up what looked like a ball of fur, and prodded it.

Immediately, the strange sphere of hair sprung open, and revealed a small creature with four legs.

Amanda fell back out of shock, and the creature jumped on her. “I’m Kyaromon! Nice to meet you!” Called out the newly found fur ball. It had large ears cutting out of it’s forehead, near it’s ears. With a long purple striped tail, it looked almost like a miniature fox.

“Well, nice to meet you too. What exactly are you?” Amanda was extremely calm for the kind of situation she was in. She’s a quiet girl, and doesn’t talk to much. She’s never been exactly trustworthy in her friends, and is not sure what she wants to do with her life.

“Well, I’m a Digimon!” Replied the fox-like fluff ball.

“A .. what?!” Amanda replied in shock.

“You know, a Digimon. I’m your Digimon, Amanda.” Kyaromon looked up at her with her bright blue eyes, and smiled.

“Oh ..” Said Amanda.

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“Brooke!! Where are you?!” Michael called, desperately trying to find his cousin.

“Over here!” Brooke said, running out of breath, for she was running.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked suspiciously.

“There’s .. there’s something following me ..” said Brooke, and a brown creature came sliding out of the bush. It was vertical, and it had big brown eyes. It had three horns on it’s head, and looks like a sock puppet.

“I’m Chocomon!” Called out the blob of brown cuteness. “I am your friend, please do not harm me.” Michael thought for something so small, and insignificant, it wouldn’t have grammatical sense, but it sure did. There was a ruckus in Michael’s bag, and out popped, what looked like a yellow snake.

“What is that?!” Michael thought. “After all I’ve been through today, why do I have to come across something more strange and abnormal. Why couldn’t this day just go away ..”

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Far away, in a cave full of darkness, an evil cackle rose.

“My plan is coming together nicely .. meow ..” Said a cat-like voice. “It won’t be long now, and I’ll have them under my complete and total control ..”

Another cackle rose, and with that crows flew, and darkness seemed inevitable.

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I hope you enjoyed the first episode. I know it’s a little short, but try to enjoy it.

Next episode: The Meowfect Plan
 

TheTurquoiseTauros!

This is bull crap!!!
if i may(last time i said good job on this site i got a warning!) that was very good, but i dont know what the snake thing was so i cant wait to read it!!!!! I love digimon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

hIrAm

Well-Known Member
Thank you for the compliment. If you go to the top of Chapter One, you'll see links to the Digimon aired in this Chapter. Go look at them all.
 

hIrAm

Well-Known Member
Thanks, foxkitty. I think i'll be posting my next chapter sometime this weekend. I don't wunna rush things, or i'll get to far ahead of myself.
 

Astinus

Well-Known Member
Sorry Lemono. This wasn't my cup of tea.

There was some bad grammar. Never capitalize the dialog tags. You also seem a little too comma-happy.

Your characters are also cookie-cutter-cardboard-cutouts. They lie flat on the page. You just make the characters move and talk, not come to life. Their thoughts don't come out. Why did Jason want to take a picture of the giant cat head? Wouldn't Michael think of the safety of his sister as the theater is collapsing? Bring out the information of them more through the story. Don't just list it all at the beginning.

Why did you underline the names of the Digimon? Make them stand out more in the story. And you should be able to describe your own characters well enough that a picture is painted in your readers mind. I didn't look at the pictures that you provided. Providing pictures for your story so you don't have to describe the characters is lazy writing.

The plot feels clichéd too. Kids suddenly transported to DigiWorld who don't have a clue what's going on... Pah.

Sorry, but I feel like you have to try harder.
 

hIrAm

Well-Known Member
Hm .. okay. First off, thanks for taking the time to read it. Just a couple of things ..

One, the building wasn't collapsing, I was just stupid, and made it seem more scary than it actually was.

If you read the very first post I made, it will tell you why I underlined the name of the Digimon.

Hm .. I just wanted to make sure the reader knew what they looks like ..

Anyways, I don't mind critisizm, even if you hit rather hard. I don't think i'll continure this fic anyways. Thanks for reading though.
 
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