Im trying my hand at comedy right now and I honestly dont think I'm doing a good enough job. I just wanted to ask your opinion on this little snippet from the story. Is it funny or is it just stupid?
-------------------------------------------
It was a lovely and dull day in a small and hefty village which for now will be called Parallel Streams for lack of a better parody. As the camera panned over a small ring, two young men got up from the dirt dusted themselves off and bowed.
Jing Woo: WTF? Yo, If this is a yaoi fic I’m going back to the teahouse right now.
Author: It’s only the opening sequence
Jing Woo: It already sounds gay.
Author: Im doin my best okay? Don’t get your panties in a bunch.
Jing Woo: Excuse me!? How dare you! I wear Class 1 Hanes Boxers for your information!
Author: You’ll be wearin a Class 1 G-String by the time I’m done with you if you don’t shut up!
Jing Woo: Eeeee! *bees quiet*
Right then, so where were we? Ah yes, The two men dusted each other off and bowed. And Jing Woo said his opening line.
Jing Woo: *grumbles*…
I said say your line!
Jing Woo: Alright alright *ahem* I swear, one of these days I’ll find a way around your guard.
Other Guy: …
Jing Woo: I said, I swear one of these days I’ll find a way AROUND YOUR GAURD.
Other Guy: …
Jing Woo: Did you hear me?
Other Guy: …
Jing Woo: *looks back at the author* Whats up with this guy? Is he not supposed to speak?
Author: Hmm… *pokes his character with a stick* Hey you! Speak up!
Other Guy: *gets prodded with a limp tree but still dosent talk*
Author: Boy, wha do you?
Jing Woo: *ponders* Oh wait, I see what the problem is
Author: eh?
Jing Woo: Your using the wrong guy.
Author: heh???
Jing Woo: Look, see. It’s the Hero from Fable
The author suddenly notices the medieval village outfit, blank stare and short wavy hair.
Author: Ooooo I get it! *pulls something out of his pocket* You want a cookie don’t cha? Here boy! Here!
Jing Woo: *sighs and rubs his forehead*
Author: hehe, just kidding!
(The Fable guy disspaears and out of nowhere pops a pre pubescent young boy)
*pop*
Boy: Huh? Where am I!?!? How did I get here??? Am I in Heaven? Was I trampled by a Ponyta?
Jing Woo: *sweatdrops* This is the guy I have to work with?
Author: Hey, the fanfiction department was running low, I had to make due somehow.
Jing Woo: But…this? (referring to the newcomer who was sniffing his backside in pure curiosity)
Author: *shrugs* why not???
Jing Woo: *sweatdrops* whatever..
(The Boy who will now be referred to as Negligent Ash finally glanced at his company)
Negligent Ash: Hey! Who the hell are you?
Jing Woo: I am Jing Woo.
Negligent Ash: Jing Who?
Jing Woo: JING WOO!!!!!
Author: Hey, lets not get hasty boys.
Jing Woo: But he is so…negligent.
Author: Hence his name.
Negligent Ash: Hey, I know…how about a match?
Jing Woo: Eh… I do not wish to spar with you right now.
Negligent Ash: I could blindfold myself, that might even the odds!
Jing Woo: I doubt it, you probably strike with the grace of a cow.
Negligent Ash: I’m rarely beaten fool. Show me your skill with your hands not with your words.
Jing Woo: *cracks knuckles* If this is what I have to do… Let us begin!
(The fight starts and Ash delivers a series of punches wich nock Jing Woo on his arse)
J
ing Woo: What? How did you do that?
Negligent Ash: Thousand Cuts baby. Get off your arse!
(A whole bunch of tutorial **** happens right here, JE players should know what happens otherwise you shouldn’t care.)
Afterwards
(Some old guy who was watching turns around and steps back into his living quarters)
Jing Woo: Did you see? Master Li was watching. He may not show it, but he clearly takes pride in watching his students practice.
Negligent Ash: I dunno, looks like a pedophile to me.
Jing Woo: What?
Negligent Ash: Oh come on, didn’t you see the way he was looking at you? That twinkle in his eye?
Jing Woo: Um… *tugs shirt collar* I dunno what you mean.
Negligent Ash: Mhm. *nods* Suuuuuuuuuuuure you don’t.
Jing Woo: *looks up at the Author* You are trying to make this a yaoi fic aren’t you? *back to Ash* Well enough about that. Thanks for the bout.
Negligent Ash: Each bruise on you is a mark of how incredibly badass I am.
-------------------------------------------
It was a lovely and dull day in a small and hefty village which for now will be called Parallel Streams for lack of a better parody. As the camera panned over a small ring, two young men got up from the dirt dusted themselves off and bowed.
Jing Woo: WTF? Yo, If this is a yaoi fic I’m going back to the teahouse right now.
Author: It’s only the opening sequence
Jing Woo: It already sounds gay.
Author: Im doin my best okay? Don’t get your panties in a bunch.
Jing Woo: Excuse me!? How dare you! I wear Class 1 Hanes Boxers for your information!
Author: You’ll be wearin a Class 1 G-String by the time I’m done with you if you don’t shut up!
Jing Woo: Eeeee! *bees quiet*
Right then, so where were we? Ah yes, The two men dusted each other off and bowed. And Jing Woo said his opening line.
Jing Woo: *grumbles*…
I said say your line!
Jing Woo: Alright alright *ahem* I swear, one of these days I’ll find a way around your guard.
Other Guy: …
Jing Woo: I said, I swear one of these days I’ll find a way AROUND YOUR GAURD.
Other Guy: …
Jing Woo: Did you hear me?
Other Guy: …
Jing Woo: *looks back at the author* Whats up with this guy? Is he not supposed to speak?
Author: Hmm… *pokes his character with a stick* Hey you! Speak up!
Other Guy: *gets prodded with a limp tree but still dosent talk*
Author: Boy, wha do you?
Jing Woo: *ponders* Oh wait, I see what the problem is
Author: eh?
Jing Woo: Your using the wrong guy.
Author: heh???
Jing Woo: Look, see. It’s the Hero from Fable
The author suddenly notices the medieval village outfit, blank stare and short wavy hair.
Author: Ooooo I get it! *pulls something out of his pocket* You want a cookie don’t cha? Here boy! Here!
Jing Woo: *sighs and rubs his forehead*
Author: hehe, just kidding!
(The Fable guy disspaears and out of nowhere pops a pre pubescent young boy)
*pop*
Boy: Huh? Where am I!?!? How did I get here??? Am I in Heaven? Was I trampled by a Ponyta?
Jing Woo: *sweatdrops* This is the guy I have to work with?
Author: Hey, the fanfiction department was running low, I had to make due somehow.
Jing Woo: But…this? (referring to the newcomer who was sniffing his backside in pure curiosity)
Author: *shrugs* why not???
Jing Woo: *sweatdrops* whatever..
(The Boy who will now be referred to as Negligent Ash finally glanced at his company)
Negligent Ash: Hey! Who the hell are you?
Jing Woo: I am Jing Woo.
Negligent Ash: Jing Who?
Jing Woo: JING WOO!!!!!
Author: Hey, lets not get hasty boys.
Jing Woo: But he is so…negligent.
Author: Hence his name.
Negligent Ash: Hey, I know…how about a match?
Jing Woo: Eh… I do not wish to spar with you right now.
Negligent Ash: I could blindfold myself, that might even the odds!
Jing Woo: I doubt it, you probably strike with the grace of a cow.
Negligent Ash: I’m rarely beaten fool. Show me your skill with your hands not with your words.
Jing Woo: *cracks knuckles* If this is what I have to do… Let us begin!
(The fight starts and Ash delivers a series of punches wich nock Jing Woo on his arse)
J
ing Woo: What? How did you do that?
Negligent Ash: Thousand Cuts baby. Get off your arse!
(A whole bunch of tutorial **** happens right here, JE players should know what happens otherwise you shouldn’t care.)
Afterwards
(Some old guy who was watching turns around and steps back into his living quarters)
Jing Woo: Did you see? Master Li was watching. He may not show it, but he clearly takes pride in watching his students practice.
Negligent Ash: I dunno, looks like a pedophile to me.
Jing Woo: What?
Negligent Ash: Oh come on, didn’t you see the way he was looking at you? That twinkle in his eye?
Jing Woo: Um… *tugs shirt collar* I dunno what you mean.
Negligent Ash: Mhm. *nods* Suuuuuuuuuuuure you don’t.
Jing Woo: *looks up at the Author* You are trying to make this a yaoi fic aren’t you? *back to Ash* Well enough about that. Thanks for the bout.
Negligent Ash: Each bruise on you is a mark of how incredibly badass I am.