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Down Sunnyside Lane

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by JX Valentine, Dec 30, 2013.

  1. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Author's Note: Oh look, my annual one-shot offering!

    So basically, I wrote this in anticipation of Pokémon Bank (haha, right?). And to tell you a bit about it, lemme give you a couple of truths and a lie. Truth? I really do have a Gardevoir named Bill, and I really did assemble a team of five other Pokémon for him. He's been with me since the first time I played through Sapphire back around 2003, and although he's never been on my main team since Sapphire, he's been my absolute favorite Pokémon out of all the ones I have ever owned. So I'm really looking forward to porting him into another gen, especially because Gen VI offers a lot of incentive to actually put him back on my team. Also truth? My character back in my Sapphire days was named LUPE. From Fire Red onward, I named my character Jax, but yes, otherwise, pretty much all of the details you see here are based on me or are dropping implications about what I was actually going through at the time of each gen. So yes, this story is going to get sappy, and it's probably better if you don't know that. But hey, it at least explains a thing or few about what's going on.

    The lie? Bill didn't go through all of the games you see described here. I didn't send him to Fire Red because I actually preferred Sapphire to it at the time, and he didn't touch Diamond because I kinda hated the Sinnoh games at some point. But obviously, he has been through every gen; it's just that I wanted to include every main game region in this fic for sentimental reasons. Because it's a Bank fic.

    By the by, the title comes from this song. It probably makes more sense if you see the lyrics.
    Without further ado ...!




    You will always remember the first time you meet her. Your species has good memory like that, but it works best with the people you’re most attached to. And she, the first thing you see when you burst from darkness into light, is what you automatically assume is your mother, so of course you form an attachment to her.

    She holds you up to the light and lets you feel the warmth. Her blue eyes sparkle when she sees you, and the smile on her round face is wide and white. Blue of her eyes. White of her smile. Brown of her short hair. Red and black of her clothes. Pink of her face. Although the world around her develops like a photograph for you, the only colors that are vivid are hers. She emanates warmth and excitement and illumination like a neon sign—as you describe it in hindsight—and it’s beautiful. She’s beautiful, and you love her from the first second you see her.

    “Hi, Bill!” she practically sings, and you realize one of those words is your name. Your name! “Hi! I’ve waited so long for you!”

    She draws you into an embrace—gentle but tight—and you feel safe and loved.

    Over the next several months, you evolve twice for her. You learn new moves for her. You help her earn five badges and four ribbons. You stop a legendary for her. You defeat the Elite Four and champion for her, and you watch her be crowned strongest trainer in Hoenn. All the while, you delight in her bright, white smile.

    And then things get quiet.

    —​

    She trades you for a weedle. You’re angry at first, so you don’t listen when the new girl says she really is her: your trainer, your Lupe. You refuse to read the girl’s aura to find out. From what you can see with your eyes, her colors are all wrong anyway. The new girl’s eyes are brown, not blue, and her hair is too light, her skin too pale, her clothes too feminine. Lupe would never wear skirts. Even her grip, when she hugs you, is far too loose to be Lupe’s.

    When she realizes you keep your distance around her, your new trainer takes you to your namesake for advice. She says it’s your namesake, and you know it is because Lupe told you on one of the many nights you spent with her, between rounds against the Elite Four. So you look forward to meeting him, just because you want to meet the man your Lupe admired so much.

    You hate him the moment you see him.

    And he knows as he stands in the doorway with his brown eyes—dull compared to Lupe’s—studying you up and down. Then, he moves aside and lets the two of you into a messy laboratory. He smells wrong when you pass him, like a human and a clefairy all at once. The laboratory doesn’t smell that much better. All electricity and metal and old coffee. He pours your trainer and himself a cup from a nearby pot, apologizes for its age, and takes a sip. Thankfully, this Lupe sets it aside when he isn’t looking.

    “So what’s wrong with him?” she says.

    “You didn’t think he’d love you instantly, did you?” Bill responds. “To him, you’re not his trainer. You’re going to have to work for his trust again. And believe me, gardevoir don’t make it easy. Once they form bonds with a human, it’s for life. If yours is still attached to its former trainer, then you’re going to have to put in a lot of effort just to get your foot in the door.”

    “How do I do that?” your trainer asks.

    Bill looks at the ceiling. “These things take time. But if you want to do it quickly ...”

    He pauses to open a desk drawer with one hand. Rifling around in its contents, he fishes out a booklet and tosses it to your trainer. She catches it effortlessly and looks down to examine its cover, giving you plenty of opportunity to peer at it yourself.

    The book smells like mildew and eevee, and you don’t like it.

    “This helped me get an espeon and an umbreon,” he explains, though neither of you asked. “Follow that, and he’ll love you again in no time.”

    Sometime later, she gives you a bell to wear around your neck. She takes you to a woman in Pallet Town for a massage every day, and you and this Lupe explore every last corner of the Sevii Islands. Between the smells of bittersweet Pallet tea and sour oranges and salty sand, you eventually become friends with her. But even then, one thing is still for certain.

    She is still not your Lupe.

    —​

    You don’t remember the next transfer. You only remember the feeling of warm sun and soft grass. Were you released? Did this Lupe give up? You sit and crane your neck, frantically searching for her familiar scent. It takes a while, but you eventually smell a human. It’s just not Lupe.

    “Ah! There you are.”

    And then, you feel something collide with the back of your head. Then nothing at all.

    Nothing, anyway, until you’re let out and you meet the next Lupe. And she is not at all like the first or the second. She’s all blue and pink this time: blue hair, blue eyes, blue vest, pink skin, pink skirt, pink scarf. Not only that, but like this region, she’s also cold. Very cold. She doesn’t say much as she takes you from city to city to catch pokémon that she sends to the storage system or to evolve pokémon purely for pokédex entries. Everything about her is methodical, calculated, planned.

    Because she doesn’t spend much time connecting with you, you find yourself with more and more time to reflect on your situation, on the pokémon she catches, and on the region. You realize that while you didn’t care for Kanto’s terrain, you at least enjoyed the warmth of the Sevii Islands, the warm hands of the girl in Pallet, and the warm greetings the Kantonians would give each other. But you don’t like Sinnoh at all. The weather is too cold—snowy even, in this Lupe’s favorite places. The people are too distant, too obsessed with the past, and Lupe speaks to so few of them. Even the woman who gives you massages, when Lupe decides to bring you to that desolate, northern point, is too fancy, too high-class to be considered warm. And you don’t like the slickness of the oil she uses, either, nor do you like how cold her hands always seem to be. Her massages feel wrong against your skin, as if love and care isn’t even a factor in them.

    Luckily, you don’t see her that often. This Lupe has more important things to do. At first, it was simply collecting pokémon, but eventually, Lupe begins to spend more and more time underground, in the system of labyrinthine mines beneath Sinnoh. Day after day, she descends with you and her other pokémon in tow, down to the dark, empty tunnels in search of something she never describes to you. It’s quiet down there, almost lonely, but Lupe is good at finding treasure. She lets you hold some now and then. Round, smooth, glowing orbs that shed rainbows on the rock walls. Rough, heavy fossils of pokémon so ancient you don’t know their names. Brittle revives, even. Your favorites are the evolution stones, the way they feel electrified in your hands, like you’re holding storms in tiny bottles. You marvel at their power and envy the pokémon who can draw that energy into themselves.

    You wonder, sometimes, if you had remained a kirlia, would this Lupe have let you use the dawn stone to become a gallade? Would that have made this one talk to you? Would it have made the first one keep you?

    Those questions burn the hottest in your mind on the nights when you feel emotion seeping through Lupe’s cold shell. Those nights, you worry for her because all you can feel is anger and sadness, and it makes you feel afraid.

    “She’s going through a tough time,” her empoleon tells you one night beneath Snowpoint. “Just before you came, she had a fight with her rival. It was pretty bad. He spread some nasty rumors about her. We all thought she would be okay, especially because she was so excited about meeting you, but ...”

    The empoleon, Marla, trails off. You stare at her for a long while, waiting for an ending, for a happy note. But there isn’t one, and your stomach hurts when you realize this.

    “She’s alone here. Besides us, of course,” Marla tells you. “But I’m afraid we’re not enough. Sinnoh has too many unhappy memories for her. We fear that she may move on to Johto.” She turns an eye on you, and although her words are bitter, her aura is blue, lonely, and cold. “You’re lucky, though. You’ll always be with her. She loves you, you know. So please. Make her happy.”

    You don’t need to be told this. You don’t, but it makes you look at your trainer anyway. Lupe mines, picking at the wall to pry a fossil free. Another one. Another rock she tosses into her pack before she starts again. You’ve often wondered why she comes down here, into the cold, empty mines, to to dig for rocks. You realize then that you won’t get much of an answer from her.

    So you glide up behind her silently and wrap your slender arms around her bony frame. You hold her as tightly as you can, but she doesn’t get any warmer. She only freezes, and she feels too much like cold, hard rock for you to tolerate.

    You decide that, more than anything, you hate Sinnoh.

    —​

    True to Marla’s word, you—and only you—are traded to another Lupe for another weedle. You don’t try to mention how stupid this is. On the positive side, this Lupe is warmer than the other one, and Johto in general is warmer and more boisterous than Sinnoh. But more than that, you can’t help but feel attracted to this Lupe’s energy. Her voice booms over others’. Her laugh is louder and longer. Her words blend into a mess of rapid syllables. It is as if she was never sad and never cold. As far as you can tell, she loves it in Johto, and when she is in love, you are in love. For the first time in a long time, you feel yourself falling for a trainer again.

    She takes you to Kanto and makes grand plans.

    “There’s a trainer on Mt. Silver named Red. His pokémon are powerful, and I have to beat him,” she explains. “If we want to have any hope of knocking him down, we’ll need to train. But we’re almost there! You’re, what, level seventy-six? A couple more fights, and I can see you sweeping Red!”

    And you believe her. Gods help you, you believe her. You can’t help it, with how much sincerity is in her voice. How much hope. And she sounds so confident when she commands you. It almost reminds you of the first Lupe—that warmth, that firmness, that energy.

    You love her. You can’t help it. You love her as she leads you into defeating the gym leaders one by one in a cramped dojo in Saffron. You believe her as she catches new teammates and calls together the gym leaders over and over again for you to defeat. You believe her even after she refuses to set foot on Mt. Silver after she does this for the hundredth time.

    It is only after it goes quiet again when you realize that the energy in her voice was hiding the grating twinge of fear.

    —​

    You awaken again in sunlight and grass—but not for long. The ball comes quicker this time and hits your shoulder harder, as if it was shot, not thrown.

    When you’re released next, you find yourself in a crowded, loud city. The noise, the mixture of car engines and hundreds of voices all around you, hurts your ears, and you can barely hear the softness of your new trainer’s voice above the din.

    She hands you something to eat: a Casteliacone, according to her. This Lupe looks haggard, with bags beneath her eyes and sluggish movements, when she meets your gaze at all. But these glances are rare, yet because you remember the cold of another Lupe, you don’t give much thought to the distance this one is placing between you and her. So as you follow her, you eat, licking the cold, sweet cream into your small, bitter mouth.

    “I’m sorry,” you think she says.

    She mumbles those syllables over and over until you reach the outskirts of town. And then, when you can hear her voice clearly, when the two of you stand at the exact middle of the bridge between the city and the forest, she looks up.

    “It’s pretty out here, isn’t it?” she asks.

    Your eyes drift skyward, towards the arches that almost touch the star-filled sky. You lap another tongue’s worth of sweet cream into your mouth.

    “I’ve always liked this part,” she says. “It’s the only place in Unova I still like.”

    You lap up another cold mouthful. You begin to taste something sour on the back of your tongue, especially when she turns to you with those sad, blue eyes.

    “I’m sorry, Bill,” she says. “I only brought you here to send you to Kalos.”

    The cone tastes disgusting when you realize what it’s for, but you appreciate her honesty this time.

    —​

    The lights of Lumiose City hurt your eyes. The noise assaults your ears, and the smell turns your stomach. You don’t remember how you got here, but you already want to leave. You cry out, holding your head in both hands as you flinch and turn.

    “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” a voice cries out in a panic.

    Things go dark for a while, but when light enters your world again, the sound has died down. You open your eyes slowly, and you find yourself kneeling in a field of purple flowers beneath a fire-red sunset. The air feels warm against your skin, and it carries with it a light, earthy perfume. You blink and turn your head, but before you can see her, before you look at your new trainer, something presses against your lips.

    “Here,” she says softly. “Eat this. It’ll help.”

    Although you consider protesting, your lips part, and something round and smooth slips into your mouth. Your teeth bite into its soft flesh, and the oran berry explodes into a mouthful of sweet and sour juice. The last of your headache dissipates then as if by magic.

    And now, you look down and see white—the brilliant, vibrant white of a smile. Your Lupe.

    But she isn’t your Lupe. Yes, her smile is white, and her clothes are red, but her brown hair is too short. And her eyes? Brown. An earthy brown. But she has the motherly expression of the Kanto Lupe. She looks tired like the Unova Lupe, yet wise, as if she hurt like the Sinnoh Lupe and tried so hard to be happy like the Johto Lupe. And here she is now, a composite, a confusion. You stare at her, scared, until she raises a gentle a hand and places it on your cheek.

    “Hi, Bill,” she says. “I’ve waited so long for you.”

    You continue to stare at her, still uncertain. She looks down and uses her other hand to dig through her bag.

    “I’m sorry,” she tells you. “Things haven’t gotten better. But I’m trying. I really am. And … I know you’ve traveled a long way, but I swear, you’re resting here for a while.” She pulls out a pink and green sphere and passes it to you. “Things are going to be different. I promise.”

    You hold the jewel in your hands, gazing down at it in mild interest. At first, it just feels like an ordinary marble, but the longer you hold it, the more you start to feel something: electricity, power, heat. Your eyes widen in realization, and you look up at your trainer. She smiles broadly.

    “I kept that just for you. It’s called Gardevoirite, and it’ll help you unlock a new form. Kinda like evolution,” she explains. “I thought you’d like to carry it, anyway. You loved evolution stones back in Sinnoh, didn’t you?”

    You stop. The words she used hang on your ears. In Sinnoh?

    She tilts her head and continues to grin, as if she can read your thoughts. “Sorry, Bill. There’s not much left in Kalos to do. It’s like how I had to stop in Hoenn because we just ran out of trainers to beat. But here, I’ll be focused on you because we’re going to fight trainers all over the world. I’m going to finish what I started in Johto, boy. I’m raising you to level 100. You and these guys.”

    Your trainer steps aside then, and you see them: five other pokémon. Umbreon. Sableye. Nidorina. Clefable. Cradily. All of them look at you intently, as if they had been waiting for years to see you.

    “This is your team,” Lupe tells you when you look at her quizzically. “Bill, meet Lanette, Bebe, Amanita, Cassius, and Celio.” She blushes, and you can feel embarrassment ebb from her. “Yeah, I know. But I wanted them to match you. You know. Because I caught them specifically for you.”

    You simply stare at her for a long time. You search her face, looking for an answer to a question you don’t quite know how to put together. And the longer you stare at her, the sadder she looks and the more her smile fades, until she finally slips her hand to her hat and tips it just enough to hide her eyes.

    “I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I know this all looks like a bribe to get you to like me more, but I swear, I’m trying to be better. And … I know I haven’t always been the best trainer, and I haven’t always explained things well to you. But every trainer you’ve been with was me, and every trainer you and the others will go to from here on out will be me. It’s because I love you, Bill. Crazy, I know, but I do, and I’ve loved you since I hatched you. You were always there for me, and I’m sorry I didn’t always show it. But whenever you beat those trainers back in those other regions? I was always proud of you. And now I’m going to finish what I’ve started. you’re going to be the best gardevoir ever. I promise. That’s what you wanted in Johto, right? I swear. This time … this time, it’s going to happen.”

    You hesitate. You look at her and see all the things she isn’t saying, all the things she didn’t want to tell you from Sinnoh onward, all the things you couldn’t protect her from, and all the times she protected you by taking you with her to new region. By keeping you and you alone close.

    Suddenly, you feel like you’ve failed her. Your stomach drops when you think of how much she’s tried to keep you, to ensure that one day, the two of you would be happy. And you, meanwhile, couldn’t see it. But now you see her, the brilliant blue aura, your Lupe, and you don’t know what to do.

    Her head tips, and you can no longer see her face beneath her felt hat.

    “Oh wow. I’m sorry. That sounded really creepy and turned into something pretty sappy and terrible. You don’t … you don’t have to believe me,” she says, and her voice sounds like she’s choking on her words.

    So you sweep her into your arms, careful not to jab her with your horn. And you hold her as tightly as you can, as tightly as you can remember her holding you as a ralts, until she holds you back.

    Over the months that follow, while she leads you and your team against first the Elite Four and then the last remaining trainers in Kalos, she makes good on her word. You reach heights you had never attained in cold Sinnoh, in warm Johto, or anywhere else.

    But you no longer care.

    All you care about is going wherever your trainer, your Lupe, goes. No matter where she is, no matter what she looks like, sounds like, or smells like, you will follow your Lupe to the ends of the earth; you will follow her through a thousand regions with a thousand different girls with her soul. Because deep down, you know your Lupe loves you.

    And no matter who she is, you love her too.
     
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2013
    Brutaka likes this.
  2. Brutaka

    Brutaka Ignition

    Well.

    I wasn't-

    That wasn't-

    I didn't think there'd-

    ...Hold on. Let me try that again.


    It's different, that's for sure. It's something I've been wondering myself after all these transfers. I had a few Pokemon like that; a Flygon, aptly named "Trappers" :I
    This Flygon had a bumpy path (And this is exactly how it went too):
    Emerald>Leafgreen>Gale of Darkness>Emerald>Diamond>Platinum>Heartgold>Black>Black 2
    And thats where it ended up, until the Bank is finally released, and I can send it to Y. It was one of a few that made the same journey; Metra the Metagross, Photolight the Sceptile, and Shinybell the Victreebell went with it, all going through the same exact games. Along with an unnamed Tyranitar and Blastoise, though they started in my brother's Firered before starting their journey.
    At least they had each other.

    It's a concept I've thought about but never expected to read in a fic. So kudos for the idea there; you always come up with the craziest stuff, don't you? I'm reminded of that one fic you made about the Crystal's existential crisis, and Bill's... also existential crisis. I sense a pattern.

    Well, crud. I don't have anything to complain about.

    The writing style is pretty fractured, but it didn't disrupt the reading, at least for me.

    And to be told in second person. That one's a toughy. And yet you do it. And succeed. Phenomenally.

    Jax.

    Jax. Why are you so good? You make me sad. I want to be this good. Why can't I do this?

    Next on the list: From the Trainer's viewpoint. Like, you mentioned all these girls with the same soul as the real life player game hops. What must that feel like?

    I'll leave you to your devices.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2013
  3. Psychic

    Psychic Really and truly

    Bank fic?! 8D

    I really like the idea behind this. With Bank's delay, this came with pretty interesting timing (and I now want Bank more than ever). I like the idea of having the same trainer in different bodies and exploring what effects that has (without trying to explain away how it works). It's interesting seeing how just different regions change Lupe's entire demeanor, and you can kind of see it as is a way of embodying each region (though you did mention that it was also heavily influenced by personal stuff at each point, which is also interesting). I also appreciated the fact that Bill doesn't warm up to every incarnation of Lupe, and that Lupe is shown to actually not be that great of a trainer, yet does develop and change at the end. Bonus points for using the customization in X/Y to allow Kalos Lupe to be a combination of her past incarnations. The Mega Stone at the end was also pretty genius, and I like how it's tied to the evolution stones and Bill's thoughts about Gallade from back in Sinnoh. I would have loved to see more ties like that in the fic, but I can't think of any other ways you could have done so off the top of my head.

    I noticed a few minor mistakes:
    I think it would be "would this Lupe have let you use the dawn stone."

    I think you meant "again"?

    Think you're missing a "do" after "so."


    I really don't have much more to say. It was a really neat read that explored something I haven't seen touched on, and it felt realistic in that Bill and Lupe's relationship isn't great the whole way through. The way it's all brought together in Kalos is really nice, and made the fic feel fulfilling in the end. Nice job!

    ~Psychic
     
  4. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    The sign of a good start. 8D

    Aww! You’ve got a cute little family going!

    But yeah, hopefully, Bank comes out soon so you can finally get those lovelies to a final home. >_> Great job, Nintendo, for serious.

    Thank you! 8D I really enjoy messing around with Pokémon canon. Like, it’s pretty much a sandbox (one that breaks the fourth wall canonically, even), so you can do all kinds of fantastic, awesome things with it. So while I’m totally cool with writing fics that follow conventions set in this fandom, sometimes I just like to reach out and try something completely different, just because it’s something I’d like to see in the fandom but haven’t yet.

    XD The fact that I love writing mind-effing works for my annual one-shot? 8D Yes indeedy.

    Woot!

    Oh, yeah, it was meant to be a little fractured, just because Bill is supposed to be a little confused at all times. That and his story sort of starts and stops constantly, so.

    Thank you! I was a little bit uncertain about that because I was worried some parts would sound as if they really don’t need to be told in second person, but the rest … I just couldn’t help but write in second person. *nods* This whole story just came out with the first sentence exactly as it is, and it ran from there.

    I had years of practice. ;D You’ll get there! Don’t worry!

    I am so very tempted, especially because it would be a fantastic way to capture Lupe’s thoughts and excuses for why she kept on passing Bill along the line.

    SO THANKS FOR THE STORY IDEA? 8D

    And of course for the review in general. :D Much appreciated~!

    BANK FIC. 8D

    Thank you! :D

    Haha, ikr? ;_; I wrote this in a wi-fi-free zone, so I was assuming that I’d post it the day after the app was released. But then I found out about the delay, but I was like, “... Yeah, eff it. Let’s just get it out anyway.”

    THANKS, NINTENDO.

    That’s actually a relief too. XD I was a little uncertain about whether or not this comes off as awkward because it relies so heavily on meta. Like, if you don’t read it as if Lupe is a player outside of the game, it gets a bit messy with the whole “so how is this girl alive in multiple places at once” question. But good to know it works (and that no one wants an explanation)! 8D

    Also glad that came across all right. :D I do have to admit that while a lot of Lupe’s personality(/personalities) stems from personal experiences, some of it was also based on each player character or her respective region. That’s especially evident with Sinnoh, which … frankly, I always saw as a bit colder and full of more distant people than the others. Johto too, actually, which is pretty much the polar opposite. You see it less with the Unova part of the story, partly because it was deliberately brief and partly because I just couldn’t see that character as loud or in-your-face like Unova or its people, respectively. Which was totally fine because it really was better to sacrifice Unova’s spirit for the sake of the story, so to speak. So instead, that part just functions as a commentary on Unova (and how much I cared about it).

    Iiiiin short, there was definitely quite a bit of regional influence in here, and I’m glad that got across too.

    Hurray for happiness resets on every trade, amirite? 8)

    But seriously, thank you! Yeah, I could’ve totally made Lupe a champion in each region and whatnot—especially given that a lot of the times, she is the player character with all of the story-based achievements and so forth—but because she’s also based on me, she also inherits the fact that I totally abandon games and get distracted by other shiny objects as soon as the Elite Four is cleared. (I still feel a little bad that I never completed Heart Gold’s postgame material with Bill.) Which would be a pretty fantastically terrible if the Pokémon world was real.

    ….

    Haha, I would so have my Pokémon taken away from me by some kind of authority if I was a trainer. ;_;

    Hmm. I’ll have to think about it because I’m sure there’re other things I could do here too, but!

    WELP. :B I legit have no idea how many of these happened. (Mainly the last two; the first is just the result of my hilarious ability to word things properly sometimes.) Sorry about that, and thanks for pointing them out! It’ll just take a sec for me to edit them in. :D

    Thanks very much! I really appreciate it. I’m glad a lot of this was effective/came across the way I wanted it to, and of course, I’m always happy when people can spot where I totally failed at proofreading. XD So thanks in all for the review~!
     
  5. PhalanxSigil

    PhalanxSigil BONK!

    Quick note, I'm doing this on my phone, so I don't have access to accents, so the word Pokemon will look like this.

    So...yeah. Other than the little tidbits that Psychic pointed out (which I didn't catch either, by the way), I found absolutely nothing wrong with this fic at all. So let's gush, shall we?

    This. Freaking. Fic. My dear Arceus, this fic tore at me. Not only does it perfectly illustrate Pokemon transfer between games (you could make the case that this process could've happened before Poke-Transfer), but it was one of the most heart-wrenching one-shots this side of Butterfree. The abrupt transitions between regions and games makes some sort of convoluted sense, and the many phases of Lupe only magnifies Bill's pain throughout. I also liked that you made Kalos into a "melting-pot" region for Lupe, because believe it or not, I, too, felt Kalos was a very mixed region. So nice touch.

    And you know what really tugged at my heart-strings? The fact that the Pokemon being transferred was a Gardevoir. Why is this important? Well, I was also trying to transfer a Gardevoir. Eva. My Sapphire version got washed before I could get her out, and she was my favorite Pokemon from my team. RIP.

    So...yeah. This was an awesome fic. Keep it up.
     
  6. Bay

    Bay YEAHHHHHHH

    Everyone else pretty much pointed out the great stuff in this story, but want to let you know a few of my thoughts, pretty much positive haha.

    First off, of course you'll put in a Bill cameo. :p

    The concept of same soul different bodies with the playable characters I always thought to be an interesting concept and I thought you did well in this story. I'll admit I haven't thought too much with each region having different feelings (warm, cold, in between) but it's still neat you threw that in too. Already aware both of those also relate to personal experience from reading your Tumblr commentary, so I can see why this can get personal/sappy (don't worry, sappy is good! XD ).

    I too like how despite a few rough patches both Lupe and Gardevoir made up at the end, very sweet. :3 The inclusion of Gardevorite is great too (I tried it with my Gardevoir in X and the mega stone makes him ten times better, lol). Lupe's Kalos team I'm very curious your choice of why you match the program developers with certain Pokemon. ;)

    So yeah, overall this is a very great read and pretty awesome this is a Bank fic!
     
  7. JX Valentine

    JX Valentine Ever-Discordant

    Totally A-OK. *le nod* Oh, mobile tech. You’re so fascinating, but lmao being useful for foreign users.

    I also totally ninja-edited yesterday afternoon. 8D

    *bow* In that case, my work here is done. ;D

    *high five!* Which, incidentally, I think is probably the best part of Kalos.

    I … I just really like Kalos. *nod*

    D8

    Yeah, I’mma gonna need Eva’s nature and special ability if you can remember them along with your friend code. I now want to do a thing (that won’t be the same, but hey).

    BUT OTHERWISE … *hugs* I seriously wouldn’t know what I’d do without my own favorite ‘mons. Probably be like, “Welp. No more playing the games for me,” but! So, yeah, I’m sorry about Eva, man. ;_;

    Thank you~! :D I really appreciate it!

    OF COURSE. XD

    Like I said on Tumblr, that entire scene was basically proof that I literally cannot write a Pokémon fanfiction without some kind of reference to Bill. I’M NOT SORRY ABOUT IT, EITHER.

    Thank you! It’s also a concept I’d like to explore a little more, so maybe in the future, I’ll write another fic about it. 8D

    That’s definitely a relief. x_x My biggest fear when publishing this was that it’d just come off as too cheesy or angsty because of how dramatic some parts are. (Lookin’ at you, Sinnoh and Kalos scenes.) Good to know that it works!

    Also good to know! I refuse to use my Gardevoirite (or, indeed, have a Gardevoir at all) until I can port in Bill, so it’s good to see it’s actually pretty awesome. 8D This makes me even more excited to get him on Y.

    WELL.

    [spoil]Lanette the Umbreon: So I mentioned this on Tumblr at some point, but in an attempt to fill out ‘dex entries, I stopped by Route 11 to pick up a Staravia. What I encountered instead was a female Eevee, and I figured, hey, I could nab her because I needed an Umbreon and Espeon anyway. Of course, even after she was paralyzed and knocked down to the red, she put up a hell of a fight and took out a good chunk of my ball inventory. By the time I caught her, I couldn’t help but laugh because her tenacity just reminded me of my headcanon Lanette’s stubbornness. And of course, she’s also a Serious-natured Eevee, so she just had to be Lanette. I decided to go ahead and make her an Umbreon, meanwhile, not only because it’s a friendship evolution but also because Umbreon’s typing contrasts Bill’s Psychic/Fairy to the point where they’re basically in balance. It was just meant to be, period.

    The others have less of a story behind them.

    Cassius the Clefable: I wanted a Clefairy on Y since the Fairy type came about, so as luck would have it, once I finally got a Friend Safari with Clefairy in it, my first encounter was with a male one. I named him Cassius out of irony, really. My headcanon Cassius is this tough and hardcore punkish guy, so I thought it’d be hilarious if the cutesy, plump, pink one was named after him.

    Celio the Cradily: Okay, I lied. Celio was actually obtained in the same game as Bill, but he came around months and months later, after I started raising Pokémon for contests. In fact, Celio was customized specifically to run smart contests, and he only really got his nickname after he won a couple of ribbons. As for why he was named Celio, it’s because he’s like an anchor. I see Celio as being more grounded than the other developers, so I thought it’d be an appropriate name for a Rock-type. Also, Cradily are literally clingy, and, well, Celio’s a bit fanboyish towards Bill.

    Bebe the Sableye: After I decided to build a developer-themed team, I did that poll thing on Tumblr. But then, ultimately, I decided that a Prankster Ghost-type would be perfect for Bebe because my headcanon version of Bebe is this girl who likes to have fun and pull pranks (often at the expense of her friends, who somehow put up with her). Sableye, meantimes, was chosen over the others just because of the added factor that it, at one time, had no weaknesses or resistances. So Sableye, to me, will always be sort of the troll Pokémon. Just even more so now that she’s got Prankster.

    Amanita the Nidorina: Soon to be Nidoqueen, by the by. I wanted a combination of a cutesy symbol and an earthy symbol because Amanita is a mix of both in my headcanon, and luckily, a friend of mine came along and said, “You know, the Nidoran line is a bunch of bunnies that evolve into Ground-types.” I haven’t yep’d harder than that.[/spoil]

    Thank you! :D I’m really glad that you like it~!
     
  8. Dragonfree

    Dragonfree Just me

    Mini-review, because I read this and when you're doing a project like 365+ reviews I can spare at least a small one for you, damn it.

    I really enjoy the stark mix of game-world logic (same person in different bodies in different regions transferring only some Pokémon from one to another) and realistic depth (characters are real people with real feelings and backstories and detail, Lupe goes to see human-Bill when concerned about her Gardevoir not liking her, Gardevoir-Bill gets to hold evolution stones when Lupe gathers them in the Underground). It's unusual but that just makes it interesting, and while the world it suggests doesn't exactly make sense it works really well for the story - it's simultaneously a really relateable story about playing the Pokémon games and a touching story about the relationship between a Pokémon and his trainer.

    The portrayals of the different regions and of Lupe's different incarnations and their different playing styles and Bill's views on each of them are lovely - they all show a lot of character even in a very short space and hint at bigger stories. Seeing how Lupe changes is heartbreaking, then ends on a hopeful note as her Kalos incarnation, while clearly still being affected by her former selves' experiences, seems to have moved on and found herself again. And when Bill realizes in the end that this is his Lupe and she loves him and he'd follow her anywhere, well, let's just say tears were shed. Overall, this is simply very beautifully done.

    As for criticisms, I don't have anything substantial, so silly nitpick-mode it is. I was kind of confused by the Casteliacone; what exactly was it he realized it was supposed to do? I mean, from the context it sounds like it was supposed to make the transfer easier somehow, but I'm not sure how - was it meant to numb him? Drugged to put him to sleep? Apparently the transfer to Kalos weakened him and he needed an Oran Berry to recover, but you don't portray the other transfers that way and I'm not sure why this one is different (do you know something about Pokémon Bank that I don't?), nor why he'd need to be preemptively healed.

    Also, I'm kind of torn on the bit about the team of Pokémon named after storage system developers. On the one hand, it's cute and delightfully you. On the other hand, it's pretty you-specific, while the rest of this appeals to more universal and immediately relateable feelings with only the little nod of Bill's name harking back to you in particular, and right now I'm not sure it's doing much for the story. The fact she made a team themed around him doesn't show either him or the reader much that's not said more powerfully by something else she does or says, I think; the fact she kept transferring him and only him to new regions already shows how special he is to her, and the outpouring of emotions about her regrets and how she wishes she'd told him how much she loved him and how she's being really straightforward with him now shows amply that she's truly determined to make this happen now and really wants to make it up to him. So, while cute and obviously a personal thing so it might entirely possibly be quite important to you, it feels kind of extraneous from an outside perspective - not really hurting the story, but not really helping it either. Unless I'm missing something.

    Finally:

    Sentence needs a capital letter.

    Okay, this didn't turn out as short as I thought. tl;dr FEELS, also your writing is beautiful can I have it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2014

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