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Drabble Dex

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by bobandbill, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Had a break thanks to busyness with life and Daily. But getting back into fics!

    Ditto


    The Great Egg Conspiracy

    He ran – ran - for the first time in years. It was a short distance from his position outside to the front desk, but it left him gasping for breath.

    “They’re… onto us,” he panted.

    She nodded and slammed a button. The cages behind her screeched opened. Gradually numerous Ditto slowly exited their drab confines.

    “Go on, get out!” he urged. “If they find out how we were using you… Oh, we shouldn’t have listened to that Professor!”

    “Shut up! We’ll be fine! Just…” She snatched at a broom and tried to sweep the flubber Pokémon out into Route 34.
     
  2. Okay so I apparently have lots of catching up to do! Last I read was the Regis so I'll comment on the ones after that!

    Finneon/Lumineon: My first comment after reading the Finneon drabble was how I would've liked more description of the scene, but then I realized you wouldn't have space for the punchline if you did. :p But then I get to Lumineon's drabble where you do have space for description, and in the end I felt it was much stronger. I also agree with [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] in that I like the quieter direction you took with Lumineon's drabble - it was literally just a kid telling Lumineon to turn on, but I think the more solid setting lifted it up more for me.

    Flabébé/Floette/Florges: The Flabébé drabble made me laugh because that really is the most odd of typing decisions they made in 6th gen. I thought Floette's drabble was the strongest, partly because it's been a while since you made the Pokemon the main character of the drabble. I like how it captures the peculiarities of the Pokemon more directly than the others. Florges's drabble took a darker turn than I thought, but then again all these fairies seem to be much more brutal than their light-hearted appearances suggest.

    Phantump/Trevenant: THE PHANTUMP ONE BROKE ME. I already knew I was in for a ride because Phantump's dex entry is like Cubone levels of depressing, but how it deals with the situation so succinctly really adds to the impact. Every sentence contributed to strengthening the emotions that came out of the whole piece, and it's probably my favorite drabble of yours so far! The Trevenant one is also really good. I feel like the humor here is much more dynamic than a lot of your other drabbles. Kinda reminds me of the Heliolisk one which I also really liked!

    Yamask/Cofagrigus: Okay so OF COURSE it's the Yamask entry right after the Phantump entry and while I like the Phantump one a bit more (it's those last two lines that do it, really), I think this Yamask one is the most ambitious drabble you've written for the entire project, and I thought it paid off. I thought it was really smart that instead of going the obvious route and talk about the human-turned-Yamask's death, you talk about another death that seems to precede (and possibly lead to) the Yamask's own. That's heavy stuff, and it brought out a lot of punch-you-in-the-gut emotions that isn't even easy to pull off with 10,000 words - the fact you pull it off with 100 really goes to show how good of a writer you are!

    Then I read the Cofagrigus one and holy crap, I didn't expect you to make that reference at all! The over-the-top way you portrayed the situation really works for it, and I like how it works as a slight meta jab as well.

    Ditto: I find this really funny because it reminds me of a conversation I wrote for my project where an NPC talks about this. And figuring out that Route 34 actually has wild Ditto makes this even funnier. Like the Cofagrigus one, I think the over-the-top way you wrote this made it much more enjoyable. Probably the funniest one of all the ones I read for this review.

    Your drabbles just keep getting better and better, bnb, and like I said, the Phantump and Yamask drabbles in particular are my favorites of the entire project so far. (Why am I not surprised that I'm gravitating toward the more dramatic ones. Silly DM.) That doesn't take away from the strength of the humorous ones, though - I particularly liked how you handled the humor of the Trevenant, Lumineon, Cofagrigus, and Ditto ones as well. Really great job, and I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2016
  3. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    I have more writing/posting to catch up on myself. :V
    Interesting. The first one was a wordy punchline I suppose.
    Indeed it is - why it didn't get the Grass typing astounds me. I suppose Florges' actions weren't peaceful by any means, haha, but some of the Fairy Pokemon have less than flattering inspirations behind them!
    Cool - neat to hear it worked out! I remember it took me a while to edit.
    Mmm, I suppose there was more of an action-y joke in it compared to the others.
    Aw, thanks! I also had wanted to avoid going the obvious route with it, so glad to see it worked out. Btw, I'll add this tidbit that isn't obvious for people who already read up to that entry:
    [spoil]You mention that Yanmask talks about another death that precedes its own. I'll draw attention to the fire mentioned, and then to notice the charred tree trunks in Phantump's entry...[/spoil]

    I was inspired to make that one after seeing someone get hit by the forum censor for Cogagrigus somewhere else, haha.
    Some would say the Route number is also apt, haha. I think I do better with over-the-top exaggeration for such jokes too, tbh.
    It's in your username after all! Imagine if I did a dramatic entry involving music. ;p Thanks yet again for the review!
     
  4. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Bump! Some I made as a present for someone special. Expect more this year too!


    Mareep


    Counting sheep

    “No treatment is working for Mary’s insomnia...” the senior doctor mused.

    “Maybe we should try something different. Like...” The trainee tapped his fingers. “Maybe have her count Mareep?”

    “Yes, maybe- no! Don’t be silly.” She stared. “You’re serious? That’s a silly misconception. And there’s hardly any Mareep on the nearby farm to count!”

    “What about... counting their legs?”

    “Those Mareep have so much wool you can’t see any other part of them!”

    Mary, sitting on the nearby chair, yawned. They were so boring with their chatting for hours about treatments. Maybe... if she just rested her eyes for a while...
     
  5. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Flaaffy


    Makeshift cushion

    Dana sighed as she stared down the road of Route 38, while stroking her Flaaffy’s wool. The Trainer she had called was taking his sweet time.

    “That free Thunderstone isn’t going to wait forever...” she muttered. “And standing here in the sun is tiring!”

    Eventually enough was enough. Dana turned to her two Pokémon.

    “Psyduck, stand watch!” she ordered. Psyduck stared blankly ahead, which she guessed was good enough. She walked to a nearby tree with her Flaaffy, and sat down, resting her head against the soft wool on its neck. It bleated quietly.

    “At least you guys are reliable...”
     
  6. bobandbill

    bobandbill Winning Smile Staff Member Super Mod

    Ampharos


    Because you’re worth it

    The Nimbasa Fashion Show was in full swing. Elesa took in the sights, with Trainers and Pokémon strutting their stuff on the runway.

    “Next up, we have Nina, from Kalos, with her Ampharos!”

    Ampharos? Curious choice for a fashion show... she thought. The pair appeared with the sheep Pokémon waddling besides its trainer. Then Elesa noticed a large stone upon the trainer’s ring shining bright.

    In a flash of light the Ampharos transformed, as gorgeous rivers of hair sprouted from its head and tail. Red orbs glistened, and it adorned sunglasses.

    “Beautiful...” she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away.
     

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