Duel Academy:Pokemon Style (AA SpN)*DP Spoliers*

[Bassman456]

My new fan fic I don’t know how long this will be but give everything I got for now.
Diamond and Pearl Spoilers

Duel Academy: Pokémon Style

‘Human’
‘Card to human’
‘Brother to brother’
‘Mystery voice to Nick’

It was a peaceful day in New Bark Town. One kid on the other hand was running somewhere very fast.
“I gonna be late” he cried to himself. Running along as fast as he could to get to where he was going. He was running so fast he ran into someone.
“Ahhh” he fell over “Sorry sir” he apologized. His backpack fell over and his cards fell over the ground.
He picked up his cards as the man said “You play the Pokémon tgc?”
“Yeah what’s it to you? “The boy asked.
“That these cards” giving him two cards of the fighting type and steel types.
“What but…” He was a lost for words when the man put his bandana around his neck and left.
“That was weird” he said. He put the cards in his deck, and went on his way running again.
He was going on his way when he heard a voice
‘Can you here me?’ he heard. He looked around and saw no one. He ignored it and ran.
‘Can you here me?’ he heard again. He was getting spooked and starred to go even faster.
‘CAN YOU HERE ME?!?’he heard again. He got freaked out and screamed out
“WHAT DO YOU WANT???” Everyone looked at him while he ran along his way.
‘Well now I know I can talk to you' the voice said with annoyance.
‘Who are you’ asked the boy.
‘I’m known as Jimmy Hiroshi. And may I ask want is your name?’
‘I’m Nicolas Knight but everyone calls me Nick’
‘Nick you are going to try out for Duel Academy is you not?’
‘Yes I am Jimmy, but where are you?’
‘I’m inside your bandana’
‘Now this is weird’ Nick thought. He arrived just on time to sign up. Nick made it to the Arena where he was shocked with amazement.
“Cool isn’t it” a voice said be hide him. Nick turned around to see his friends Maria and Jason.
“Hey guys” he replied.
“Where have you been??” asked Maria.
‘Yes Nick where have you been???’ teased Jimmy.
‘Shut up’ he replied.
“I slept late” he replied.
“Where did you get that bandana” asked Jason
“Umm… I uh… bought it” he lied.
“Nicolas Knight please report to the Arena” said the announcer.
‘Here goes everything’ Nick thought
Little did Nick know his opponent was not a Duel Proctor in fact it was Leader of the Viridian Gym Giovanni himself.
“Listen Kid today is supposed to be my day off so let’s get this over with quickly” he said rudely
“Whatever Pops but don’t go too easy on me” Nick intimidated. The whole room was ooohing after Nick said that.
“Why you ungrateful Son of a… Never mind let’s just do this” He replied.
“Game On” they said simultaneously.
“Call the coin Shorty” Giovanni smirked. Now there is three ways to tick off Nick 1. Yelling at him for a stupid reason, 2. Hitting him with something, or 3. Calling him short and Giovanni just ticked him off.
“Tails” Nick said fuming. The coin was flip it was heads so Giovanni went first.
Nick’s basic Pokémon was Ralts while his bench had Torchic and Delta Species Treecko.
Giovanni’s basic Pokémon was Giovanni’s Nidoran male and had no Bench Pokémon.
“I play grass energy on my Nidoran “he said “Now Nidoran use Double Kick”. Giovanni flipped two coins one came up heads, the other tails. Nidoran hit Ralts with one kick and did 10 damage to Ralts, leaving it with 40 HP left.
“My go” Nick said as he drew a card.
“First I play Energy Removal 2” Nick flipped a coin it came out Heads he removed the grass energy on the Nidoran.
“Next I play psychic energy on Ralts. Ralts use Hypnosis!!!” Ralts put Nidoran to sleep. It was now Giovanni’s turn. He drew a card.
‘I play grass energy and Full Heal” Giovanni yelled. Nidoran woke up and was ready to battle.
“Now Nidoran use Double Kick” he ordered. He flipped two coins and they both were heads. Ralts took 20 damage and had 20 HP left. Nick’s turn came and he was nervous.
‘What do I do?’ he wondered
‘Maybe I can help’ asked Jimmy.
‘Can you Jimmy?’ asked Nick.
‘Yes I can Nick’ he replied. Jimmy told Nick what to do.
“I play Psychic energy on Ralts and evolve it to Kirlia” yelled Nick. Ralts glowed for two seconds and changed into Kirlia.
“Kirlia use Removal Beam” Nick shouted. And flipped a coin and got heads. Kirlia fired a beam that did 10 damage and removed the grass energy on it. Nidoran however took 20 damage due to its weakness. Nidoran had 20 HP left. Giovanni went and drew. He smirked before playing his next move.
“I play Rocket’s Snorlax EX” he laughed. Everyone was shocked. Nick watched as He put a grass energy on Nidoran. Snorlax looked different than other Snorlax and he saw a dark aura around it.
‘Jimmy what’s that?’ Nick asked.
‘That Is a Rocket Pokémon’ he replied ‘Rocket Pokémon are Dark Pokémon that are weak to mostly fighting Pokémon. If Giovanni has one he is part of Team Rocket’
‘Team Rocket? What’s that’ Nick questioned.
‘Team Rocket is an evil organization that abuses Pokémon. They aren’t nice. You can recognize them since they wear shirts with a big red R on them, but Giovanni is different he has an aura around him too you know?’
‘Giovanni? He looks like has total power over the game… Jimmy is it possible for Giovanni to be the leader of this Team Rocket?’
‘Hmm… maybe but for now lets constraint on the game’
‘Right’
“Nidoran attack with Double Kick” Giovanni ordered. The coin flips came out tails and Kirlia took 10 damage leaving it with 30 HP left. Nick drew his card.
‘We should constraint on putting energy on Torchic because Kirlia will faint soon’
‘All right Jimmy’
“I’ll play fire energy on Torchic” Nick announced. Giovanni was caught off Guard.
“Now Kirlia use Removal Beam” Nick shouted. The coin flip came up tails, but either way Nidoran was knocked out. Nick drew one of his prize cards. It was Gardevoir. Giovanni sent out his Snorlax. He drew and played a Double Colorless Energy on Snorlax. He used Snorlax Poison Claws. The coin flip came up tails so Kirlia wasn’t poisoned. It was Nick’s turn and he evolved Kirlia to Gardevoir. He put another fire energy on Torchic.
“Gardevoir use Energy Burst” Gardevoir and did 40 damage to Snorlax. Giovanni went and played another double colorless energy on Snorlax.
“Snorlax use Collapse” Snorlax fell on Gardevoir knocking it out while Giovanni took his prize card. Nick sent out Torchic. 4 turns later Nick had No bench Pokémon while Giovanni still had Snorlax and was down to two prize cards. It was now Nick’s turn. He drew a very special card this turn the one card that would knock out Snorlax.
‘What is this?’ Nick questioned
‘Rioru Rioru’ it said.
‘Your Rioru‘Nick repeated.
‘Rioru, Ru, Ru, Rioru’ it asked.
‘Okay’ Nick said
“I play Rioru” Nick exclaimed. Giovanni was shocked. He only knew one person in the world that had that card along with its evolution Lucario was Lance Knight.
“Kid what’s your father’s name?” he asked.
“My father?”Nick responded “um… my dad disappeared when I was 3 so I don’t know his name”.
‘Interesting’ Giovanni thought ‘His last name is Knight and Lance disappeared 7 years ago’
“I play a fighting energy on Rioru” Rioru could use his attack Force Exert, but Rioru was a benched Pokémon while Spoink was his active. He ended turn. When it was Giovanni’s turn he used Snorlax’s Collapse on Spoink knocking it out in one hit and putting itself to sleep. Giovanni now had one prize card left. Rioru took the field as the active Pokémon and was ready to fight.
‘Jimmy I’m very nervous’ Nick said.
‘Don’t worry we can do if we try’ Jimmy stated. Nick drew Lucario the evolution of Rioru.
‘Rioru, Rioru’ he said.
‘Really Rioru’ Nick asked.
‘Ru’ he responded.
‘Okay’ Nick obeyed.
“Now I evolve Rioru to Lucario” he shouted as Rioru glowed to change into Lucario. Giovanni was utterly shocked.
‘He has Lucario’ he thought.
“Now I play Multi Energy on Lucario” he played. Lucario was ready to use Metal Claw.
“Lucario has a Poke power he can add an fighting energy onto him at the cost of 20 damage” Nick stated. Giovanni was shocked as Lucario was able to use Pulse bomb an attack that would knock out Snorlax in on hit.
“Lucario use Pulse Bomb!!!” shouted Nick as Lucario used Pulse Bomb knocking out Snorlax. Nick drew his prize cards.
“Send out your next Pokémon, oh wait you don’t have any so you lose” Nick stated. Giovanni fell to the ground. He had just been beaten by a child. Everyone cheered as Nick won. Nick couldn’t believe it he was going to Duel Academy.
‘Jimmy thanks for your help, and you too Rioru’ Nick said
‘Rioru’ Rioru jumped up and down on Nick’s shoulder.
‘No problem Nick’ Jimmy responded.
‘Jimmy why are you here anyway?’
‘All will be revealed in time Nick’ Jimmy responded.
‘Nick you maybe the one to stop the evil force’ Jimmy thought to himself. Maria and Jason crowned around Nick giving complements. Nick started to think about everything that happened today.
‘I can’t believe that there’s a human inside my scarf’ he thought ‘Well this will be a interesting year’.
‘Indeed Nick, Indeed’

 

[Yami Ryu]

....

Bad game boy style battling. No, beyond bad. So bad it's pathetic. Seriously. Go read Advice for Aspiting Authors, and the Rules. This is badly formated, rushed out, looks like it was written in the reply box, little description, shallow characters, and it comes off as a bad rip off of YGOGX.

So yeah just gonna report this now.

 

[Zephyr Flare]

2) Tips on Composition.

Paragraphs: Use these as your basic unit of composition. Each paragraph should be used to set forth a single idea. If a paragraph seems to long, it probably contains multiple ideas, and should be split up for clarity. If it seems too short, expand on the idea.

Sentences: A sentence should contain exactly one action or statement of existence. If it contains more than one, split it into two or more. If it contains less than one, finish the sentence. Run-on sentences are often confusing, while fragments make the reader feel that something is missing.

Description: Make sure that your reader can visualize what is happening. Don't just say something like "Joe walked along enjoying the scenery". This gives no indication of whether the scenery he is enjoying is a redwood forest, a beach at sunset, or the Grand Canyon.

A description is not just a list of attributes. When describing a character, don't just list their name, age, height, weight, hair colour, and current pokemon team. Bring this information out gradually when the person appears in a story.

Don't have Joe meet a trainer named Fred who is 12 years old, has green eyes and red hair, is three and a half feet tall, and whose pokemon are squirtle, pikachu, butterfree, grimer, tauros, and krabby. Have Joe see a short, red-haired kid with startlingly green eyes, and talk to him. Have names mentioned early in the conversation. The pokemon may be either revealed in a battle, or introduced individually during the conversation.

3) Other General Advice

Plot: Try to be original. "Joe is 10 (or 11 or 12) years old and about to start his pokemon journey. He goes to Professor (insert tree here) and gets a (insert pokemon here)" has been done too many times already. "Joe is a 10-year-old from Pallet Town and about to start his pokemon journey. He accidentally sleeps in, and by the time he gets to Professor Oak's lab, all the starters have been taken, so he gets a Pikachu" is so old everyone is sick of it.

Try to be reasonable. A new trainer is not going to start with a legendary, or even rare, pokemon. The standard starter pokemon were selected for a reason: They are easy for professors to obtain whenever new trainers are about to start, they can be controlled by beginners, and with proper training, they can become quite powerful.

Likewise, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to catch any of the legendary pokemon. They are simply too powerful. If you have seen either of the movies, think about it. Mew or Mewtwo can deflect any attack you try with minimal effort.

Consider the scene in The Power of One where Ash's Pikachu (which has been known to defeat rock and ground types) meets Zapdos. Compare their relative power levels. Now think about how hard it would be to defeat Zapdos. This can be applied to any of the legendary pokemon. No trainer will have one unless it has a good reason to want to accompany that trainer.

Characters: Make your characters real. Give them strengths and weaknesses. Inherently superior trainers who win each battle effortlessly are boring. So are incompetent members of Team Rocket. So is the gym-leader-who-can't-stand-being-defeated. The stock "Rival" character is also getting old.

Whatever you do, don't just refer to people by labels from the GameBoy games (Rocket, Cooltrainer, Lass, Bug Catcher, etc). Remember that these are real people you are working with.

Spelling/Grammar: Write your story in a word-processing program. Use the spellchecker, but don't depend on it completely. It can tell whether your word matches the spelling of a real word, but it cannot tell whether it is the word you wanted to use.

Use grammar checkers with extreme care. They cannot actually understand what you are saying, and often make mistakes.

Paragraphing is also used to space out speech as well as of course showing a change in direction of wtf is going on.

We also have somebody who apprantly understands Pokemon, oh fluffy joys! How does Ash generally? through signs, motions of ikchu and the time they have spend together, anything but a five second hi.

You know even the gameboy games have grphics to depict what attack it is but we cannot see them an we? You have to give US the visualisations as alas we cannot see into your brain.

This should give you enough to get started, get improving or closed next chapter. Adive for Aspirin Authors and Author's Cafe can help greatly.

Sandra

 

[Bassman456]

Question: Can just link to a site with my fanfic on it? (I have 5 chapters done already) and post it here?

 

[lordzangoose]

So you're not even going to take any of their advice? You're just going to keep on posting. Waht kind of reaction did you get on the other forum? If those next chapters are anything like the first, I doubt we want it.