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Dusty Wings (One Shot)

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Wow, hadn't posted a story here in a little bit. ^^;

Well, while I am busy with college and my other fanfiction works, I decided to give you guys something to look at. This is probably not my best writing, but I tired to have it quality made. =D

Bascially, this one shote is about...well, read it for yourself. ^^;

I hope you will enjoy this one shot. =)

Dusty Wings
Rated PG

One day there was a Wurmple living peacefully inside a pretty forest. The bright pink bug Pokemon ate a tiny green leaf. She wanted to eat something before going about on her day. All of a sudden, its saw a flying bug Pokemon flew up in the air.

She already saw that Pokemon a thousand times already, but never got tired of seeing it.

She thought it was the most beautiful Pokemon in the world.

She thought it was the strongest Pokemon in the world.

She wanted to become that Pokemon.

That Wurmple shouted in excited glee when it knew it might evolve to that Pokemon soon. For what seemed forever, she kept dancing and dancing. Her body wiggled up and down, left and right. That Pokemon kept doing that throughout the day.

How young and naive I was.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I suddenly became a cocoon a few days later. Silky threads covered my body. I actually liked the feel of silk.

I forgot how that happen. All I remembered was that I just moved my snake like body toward a tree. A few seconds later, my body started to shine a brilliant yellow color. After that, I just stood there. Not an inch of my body was moved.

I became even more happy. I knew soon I will become that flying bug I dreamt of being. I would dance, if the silk hadn't trapped my body inside.

Actually, I am not sure if I became a Silicon or a Cascoon. The reason for that was because my eyes can't really see what color my silky skin was. All I could see was the light blue sky and the many skiny trees that made this place called a forest. I could had find out if I gone to that lake a couple of miles away from the forest. Over there, I can see if the silk was either colored white or light red. If light red, then I will become a Dustox. If white, then I will become a Beautifly. I will seriously scream for joy if my silk was the color that I wanted. Damn cocoon body, trapped my body shut . Aw well, a bug can tell by intution, right?

All I had to do now was wait.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While being inside my protected shell, I had wonderful dreams.

Night, I dreamt I soared up in the air, the wings shining majecstically. What wonders a moon can do. The many stars shinned beautifully, happy because of my wish came true. What a great feeling the dark sky can bring.

Day, I dreamt I soared up in the air, the wings feeling the warmt of the almighty sun. The sun became cooler by the second, being careful to not burn one part of my body. Well actually, two parts of my body that helped me to fly.

In real life, it wasn't really like that. Night and Day, tears rolled down from my unoticable face. It was both of sad and happiness. Sad, because I wanted to do something besides staying here and do nothing. Happy, because soon the event will come. Sometimes patience is good.

I was glad I cried with mix emotions because that was how I had surivived. I don't care if you thought tasting your tears was weird. I actually needed to do that. There was no rainfall inside the forest for quite some time. The tears weren't hold back for the next couple of weeks. I just let it all out if I can.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My patience will soon paid off...or so I had thought.

Two wings was the first thing that sliced through the ball of skiny strings on my body. After I had all of the silk out of its body, I flew in rapid speed.

Swirls, whirls, and twirls I was doing happily. My heart pounded with joy. Fogs of excitement moved slowly in my mind. Those few minutes was the happiest moment of my entire life.The fun was soon faded.

A tiny blue bird flew pass me. It was Tailey, one of the Tailows I kept seeing in the forest. Also, one of my friends. Lucky he has not eaten me.

"Hello Dusty!" said Tailey sweetly.

"Oh, hi there!" I shouted happily. "Finally, it happened!"

"Well, I see that you evolved. Congratulations!"

Hearing those words sounded like bells in my ear. I was glad someone was happy that I evolved into a Dustox...but Tailey soon showed me a thing called reality.

"Yeah, for many weeks now I wanted to become a Dustox. Now my dream came true."

Tailey blinked a few times. The speed was probably a hundred miles per hour. His mouth did not curled into a smile. I thought maybe he didn't like Dustox or something. I just had to ask or else his face will be pictured on my mind forever.

"Actually....you are a Beautifly," he said it simply. There was no amusment nor sadness in his tone. Instead, there was truthfullness.

I was actually being silly for not beleving him.

"What?" I grumbled dumbly. My mouth had muttered a few times before I managed to speak again. "No,no no! I am a Dustox, not a Beautifly!"

The bird Pokemon suddenly chirped in laugther. I would had beaten him up, but my frustation oddly made my body froze.

"What is so funny?"

For a second I thought I felt my face burning in flames. Probably that was why Tailey suddenly went in a fit of laughter.

"Well, I don't see green wings and your body is the same color as my eyes."

After he said that, I wanted to it see for my myself. I use the Tailow's small eyes as a mirror. My wings were dull yellow, not the eyes. Also, my body was gray like raining clouds. Tailey did not kid when he said my body was the same color as his eyes.

I actually knew that a Wurmple can evolve either a Dustox or Beautifly.

I actually thought in my heart I would evolve into a Dustox.

Rememberence of my one true wish just weirdly punched into my mind. It was a good punch actually. There were three reasons why I wanted to become a Dustox. I never told them to my friends, fear they might be amused of what I wanted to become.

One, it's purple body. Purple is my all time favorite color. The reason for that was purple was the color of the beginning of the sunset. Don't you agree that sunsets are the most beautiful sight you had ever seen? Probably that was why I loved everything purple.

Also, it's dusty wings. I heard how when a Dustox flap its wings, powerful and painful dust came out. I thought it was actually cool to have that kind of ability. I can protect myself from a few miles away. A Beautifly's unique patteren printed wings cannot do that. True, Beautifly can use their long thin mouth to jab at a Pokemon or a person. The problem with that, jabs aren't that strong. Can I feel really safe if some Pokemon came close to be? Heck, what if that Pokemon was a Gyrados?

...I don't even want to picture that scene.

Three,...I just hate Beautifly.

I can't stand them. You would think Beautifly would be nice because they are pretty and such. The truth, most of them sinned. Vanity must had lured them to her and made them what they are today. If I hear them said how beautiful they are one more time, I will seriously beat them up.

Tailey suddenly interrupted my weird thoughts. I was stupid again to have believed he would say those precious words: I am sorry. What he had said left a scratch inside my body.

"Seriously Dusty, why do you want to become a Dustox? Those bug Pokemon are really ugly! I bet those Dustox would kill to become a Beautifly!"

More laughter suddenly burst out from my friend's tiny mouth.

I would kill to become a Dustox, I thought souarly.

Out of anger, I let my wings flapped quickly. I just...flew. I didn't care where I went. There was no particular destination I wanted to go. I was too sad and angry at the same time to think and care about my well being.

I suddenly made my mind repeated the same four words.

I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings.

This question was stuck on my head also.

Why Nature? Why are you cruel?

I felt sick inside, probably because how those two thoughts felt like they were said at the same time. Was that natural? Maybe. Probably that question will never be answered.

I did nothing but just flew and flew for the time being.

-----------------------------------------------------

I thought I would never get tired. It was probably because I thought I somehow became dead already. I knew I was alive when I had heard my wings flapped slowly . Maybe I am not out of energy, but my stupid damn body was.

I suddenly slowly dived down on the mushy brown ground. After I came down, more drops of tears stream down on my face.

Again, I recited that wish on my head.


I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings.


I would have that thought repeated a thousand times already until I suddenly saw two wonderful things.

I saw that half eaten leaf I ate a few weeks ago. I wasn't able to finish it because I danced when I saw a Dustox. For some reason, that left me with a smile. Probably it was of how I liked it when I was happy. If I have the ability to travel back to time like Celebi, then I might go back there a thousand times. I would actually never get tired being joyful.

Later, I saw the sunset. Somehow, that purple sky had washed away my sadness in an instant. Gosh, I am a sucker for sunsets. Really, I am.

I then suddenly fell asleep. I guess all that flying made me very sleepy.
--------------------------
Now you wonder, why I still lived today? Why couldn't you just go and kill yourself?

...I learn to just let go.

Sure, being Dustox would be great. If I were a pink blob Ditto, I would change just like that. Still, I am still the same me. Just because I am a Beautifly, that doesn't meant Vanity would lure me to her trap. Also, I could just imagine I am a Dustox. That's how powerful imagination can be sometimes.

Yes, there are times that event I told still came back to haunt me every once in a while. The first few times I would cry. The next few times I would get mad. The last few times I would learn to not let that get that to me.

Sometimes you just got to embrace what you got. If you don't, then you won't live a very productive life.

Nature is not here to be cruel. Remember that.

-------------------------------

Again, hope you guys really like this little story. Maybe it could be a chance I might rewrite this if you guys think this could had been better.

Well, nothing else much to say but thank you to everyone that read and review! ^^

;134;~Good night, and good luck~
 
Last edited:

Divinity_123

shove 'er in! ;O
"Seriously Dusty, why do you want to become a Dustox? Those bug Pokemon are really ugly! I bet those Dustox would kill to become a Beautifly!"

More laughter suddenly burst out from my friend's tiny mouth.

I would kill to become a Dustox, I thought souarly.

Dude, (or dudette) that was amzingly fabulously crazy! These sentences intrigued me a lot^^! Very very original. I guess Dustox's would kill to be a Beautifly IMO but the reverse makes this fic well unique. Good job Bay.
 

Raunchy_fad

Ooh, maaaan!
I don't quite understand how in the start it turns from third to first person? I mean, if you keep adressing the wurmple as "she" and then suddenly it goes to "I" for only one sentence in the whole section, well... well what's up with that, man?
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Divinity 123:

Hehe, thanks. Yeah, I really like that sentence too. ^^ I actually got inspiried of that idea after writing one of my fanfictions. After I wrote a battle scene with a Beautifly in it, I suddenly thought to myself, "What would result if a Wurmple didn't wanted to become a Beautifly if it really wanted to be a Dustox?" ^^

Again, thanks for the review! (Gives you cookies).

Raunchy Rad: About the beginning...

Have you ever read Saber's "Pokemon Revolution"? There was this one part in her story where she had the narrator said about her feelings in third person for a little bit. I don't remember where, though. ^^; That's what inspired this beginning.

Also, the reason I did the beginning like that was I had Dusty telling the story in her own weird way. ^^

If this still confused you, think of a character saying something dramatic to another character, something like this:

Character A: What happened to the old Jake?
Character B (aka Jake): The old Jake is no more...


I hope I explained a little bit as to why the beginnning was like that. Thanks for the review anyways. (Gives you muffins)

;134;~Good night, and good luck~
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
*starts singing* You can't always get what you want...

I suppose that's pretty much the moral of this story, hmm? At any rate, it's definitely true, and it's nice that Dusty learned to accept that. I also thought that it was kind of neat that she wanted to be a Dustox rather than a Beautifly; not only was it more unexpected, but also I think Dustox is cuter. (Not that I like moths more than butterflies; I like them equally. I just think Dustox has a cute, kind of funny little face. ^^) Her having the name Dusty but not becoming a Dustox reminds me of a couple of times in the past where I'd named a Wurmple something that I thought would suit one of its evolutions, and then the thing went and evolved into the other form. XD

Anyway, that was certainly a nice, cute story. Kudos. ^^
 

Hahahabvc87

Always watching...
Ugh... So many typos and errors here... I think you need MS word and a beta to clear these up! >.<"
There are more than these shown, but since changing them would change your style of writing I just left them alone.

Oh well, might as well put them all in one bug quote:
One day there was a Wurmple living peacefully inside a pretty forest. The bright pink bug Pokemon ate a tiny green leaf. She wanted to eat something before going about on her day. All of a sudden, it saw a flying bug Pokemon fly up in the air.

She had seen that Pokemon a thousand times already, but never got tired of seeing it.

She thought it was the most beautiful Pokemon in the world.

She thought it was the strongest Pokemon in the world.

She wanted to become that Pokemon.

That Wurmple shouted in excited glee when it knew it might evolve into that Pokemon soon. For what seemed forever, she kept dancing and dancing. Her body wiggled up and down, left and right. That Pokemon kept doing that throughout the day.

How young and naive I was.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I suddenly became a cocoon a few days later. Silky threads covered my body. I actually liked the feel of silk.

I forgot how that happened. All I remembered was that I just moved my snake like body toward a tree. A few seconds later, my body started to shine a brilliant yellow color. After that, I just stood there. Not an inch of my body moved.

I became even happier. I knew soon I will become that flying bug I dreamt of being. I would dance, if the silk hadn't trapped my body inside.

Actually, I am not sure if I became a Silicon or a Cascoon. The reason for that was because my eyes couldn't really see what color my silky skin was. All I could see was the light blue sky and the many skinnytrees that made this place called a forest. I could have found out if I had gone to that lake a couple of miles away from the forest. Over there, I could have seen if the silk was either colored white or light red. If light red, then I would become a Dustox. If white, then I would become a Beautifly. I would have seriously screamed for joy if my silk was the color that I wanted. Damn cocoon body, trapping my body shut. (I'm not sure what to replace this with...) Aw well, a bug can tell by intution, right?

All I had to do now was wait.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

While being inside my protected shell, I had wonderful dreams.

Night, I dreamt I soared up in the air, my wings shining majestically. What wonders a moon can do. The many stars shined beautifully, happy because my wish came true. What a great feeling the dark sky can bring.

Day, I dreamt I soared up in the air, my wings feeling the warmth of the almighty sun. The sun became cooler by the second, being careful to not burn one part of my body. Well actually, two parts of my body that helped me to fly.

In real life, it wasn't really like that. Night and Day, tears rolled down from my unnoticeable face. It was both of sadness and happiness. Sadness, because I wanted to do something besides staying here and do nothing. Happiness, because soon the event would come. Sometimes patience is good.

I was glad I cried with mix emotions because that was how I survived. I don't care if you thought tasting your tears was weird. I actually needed to do that. There was no rainfall inside the forest for quite some time. The tears weren't held back for the next couple of weeks. I just let it all out if I could.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My patience will soon pay off...or so I had thought.

Two wings werethe first things that sliced through the ball of skiny strings on my body. After I had all of the silk out of my body, I flew at a rapid speed.

Swirls, whirls, and twirls I was doing happily. My heart pounded with joy. Fogs of excitement moved slowly in my mind. Those few minutes werethe happiest moment of my entire life. The fun soon faded.

A tiny blue bird flew past me. It was Tailey, one of the Tailows I kept seeing in the forest. Also, one of my friends. Lucky he has not eaten me.

"Hello Dusty!" said Tailey sweetly.

"Oh, hi there!" I shouted happily. "Finally, it happened!"

"Well, I see that you evolved. Congratulations!"

Hearing those words sounded like bells in my ear. I was glad someone was happy that I evolved into a Dustox...but Tailey soon showed me a thing called reality.

"Yeah, for many weeks now I wanted to become a Dustox. Now my dream has come true."

Tailey blinked a few times. The speed was probably a hundred miles per hour. His mouth did not curl into a smile. I thought maybe he didn't like Dustox or something. I just had to ask or else his face will be pictured on my mind forever.

"Actually....you are a Beautifly," he said simply. There was no amusment nor sadness in his tone. Instead, there was truthfulness.

I was actually being silly for not believing him.

"What?" I grumbled dumbly. My mouth had muttered a few times before I managed to speak again. "No,no no! I am a Dustox, not a Beautifly!"

The bird Pokemon suddenly chirped in laugther. I would had beaten him up, but my frustation oddly made my body froze.

"What is so funny?"

For a second I thought I felt my face burning in flames. Probably that was why Tailey suddenly went in a fit of laughter.

"Well, I don't see green wings and your body is the same color as my eyes."

After he said that, I wanted to it see for my myself. I used the Tailow's small eyes as a mirror. My wings were dull yellow, not the eyes. Also, my body was gray like raining clouds. Tailey did not kid when he said my body was the same color as his eyes.

I actually knew that a Wurmple can evolve either a Dustox or Beautifly.

I actually thought in my heart I would evolve into a Dustox.

Rememberence of my one true wish just weirdly punched into my mind. (Huh?? That sentence sure was worded weirdly...) It was a good punch actually. There were three reasons why I wanted to become a Dustox. I never told them to my friends, fearing that they might be amused of what I wanted to become.

One, its purple body. Purple is my all time favorite color. The reason for that was because purple was the color of the beginning of the sunset. Don't you agree that sunsets are the most beautiful sight you have ever seen? Probably that was why I loved everything purple.

Also, its dusty wings. I heard how when a Dustox flap its wings, powerful and painful dust came out. I thought it was actually cool to have that kind of ability. I can protect myself from a few miles away. A Beautifly's uniquely patterned wings cannot do that. True, Beautifly can use their long thin mouth to jab at a Pokemon or a person. The problem with that, jabs aren't that strong. Can I feel really safe if some Pokemon came close to me? Heck, what if that Pokemon was a Gyrados?

...I don't even want to picture that scene.

Three...I just hate Beautifly.

I can't stand them. You would think Beautifly would be nice because they are pretty and such. The truth, most of them sinned. Vanity must had lured them to her and made them what they are today. If I hear them say how beautiful they are one more time, I will seriously beat them up.

Tailey suddenly interrupted my weird thoughts. I was stupid again to have believed he would say those precious words: I am sorry. What he had said left a scratch inside my body.

"Seriously Dusty, why do you want to become a Dustox? Those bug Pokemon are really ugly! I bet those Dustox would kill to become a Beautifly!"

More laughter suddenly burst out from my friend's tiny mouth.

I would kill to become a Dustox, I thought sourly.

Out of anger, I let my wings flapped quickly. I just...flew. I didn't care where I went. There was no particular destination I wanted to go. I was too sad and angry at the same time to think and care about my well being.

I suddenly made my mind repeat the same four words.

I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings.

This question was stuck on my head also.

Why Nature? Why are you cruel?

I felt sick inside, probably because how those two thoughts felt like they were said at the same time. Was that natural? Maybe. Probably that question will never be answered.

I did nothing but just flew and flew for the time being.

-----------------------------------------------------

I thought I would never get tired. It was probably because I thought I somehow became dead already. I knew I was alive when I had heard my wings flap slowly . Maybe I was not out of energy, but my stupid damn body was.

I suddenly slowly (Eh... how do you do something suddenly when it is slow?) dived down on the mushy brown ground. After I came down, more drops of tears streamed down on my face.

Again, I recited that wish on my head.


I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings. I wanted dusty wings.

I would have that thought repeated a thousand times already until I suddenly saw two wonderful things.

I saw that half eaten leaf I ate a few weeks ago. I wasn't able to finish it because I danced when I saw a Dustox. For some reason, that left me with a smile. Probably it was of how I liked it when I was happy. If I have the ability to travel back to time like Celebi, then I might go back there a thousand times. I would actually never get tired being joyful.

Later, I saw the sunset. Somehow, that purple sky had washed away my sadness in an instant. Gosh, I am a sucker for sunsets. Really, I am.

I then suddenly fell asleep. I guess all that flying made me very sleepy.
--------------------------
Now you wonder, why are you still alive today? Why couldn't you just go and kill yourself?

...I learn to just let go.

Sure, being Dustox would be great. If I were a pink blob Ditto, I would change just like that. Still, I am still the same me. Just because I am a Beautifly, that doesn't meant Vanity would lure me to her trap. Also, I could just imagine I am a Dustox. That's how powerful imagination can be sometimes.

Yes, there are times that event I told still comes back to haunt me every once in a while. The first few times I would cry. The next few times I would get mad. The last few times I would learn to not let that get to me.

Sometimes you just got to embrace what you've got. If you don't, then you won't live a very productive life.

Nature is not here to be cruel. Remember that.

-------------------------------

I suggest you trim down some of those "-------------------------"; they are stretching your story box and making it hard to read. It's not easy having to scroll left and right at every sentence...

Other than that, nice work on this heart-warming tale. It really reminds me of the days when I read Aesop's Fables over and over again. Nowadays, I'm sometimes called "too honest". ^_^"
 

Orange_Flaaffy

Jello Pokéballs
Hm..I don't like the way the character seems to be talking down to the reader, and just says her points in place of actually showing them somewhere in the story...
Also, the list of 'why I I hate/like' details really breaks the flow of the story and reads more like a statement than a fic :/. All and all it is a good basic idea, but the flow could be better...
 

Timid Kyogre

Endangered Creature
All I got from this, like what Sike Saner said..."You can't always get what you want."

Awesome.

One thing: when I compare this to your previous fics, your grammar has improved even if it's only by a bit, it still improved. Still, there are some mistakes, but you make mistakes, and learn from them.

I forgot how that happen. All I remembered was that I just moved my snake-like body toward a tree. A few seconds later, my body started to shine a brilliant yellow color. After that, I just stood there. Not an inch of my body was moved.

- happened

- remember

- towards

- it'd be better if it was moving.

I became even more happy.

- It could be happier. If it was a word such as fantastic, you use more fantastic.

Actually, I am not sure if I became a Silicon or a Cascoon. The reason for that was because my eyes can't really see what color my silky skin was. All I could see was the light blue sky and the many skiny trees that made this place called a forest. I could had find out if I gone to that lake a couple of miles away from the forest.

Don't confuse past tense with present.

- was not

- couldn't

- a forest, without called

- I could have found

- went

Day, I dreamt I soared up in the air, the wings feeling the warmt of the almighty sun. The sun became cooler by the second, being careful to not burn one part of my body. Well actually, two parts of my body that helped me to fly.

- warmth

- take out that

In real life, it wasn't really like that. Night and Day, tears rolled down from my unoticable face. It was both of sad and happiness.

- since you used happiness, I think it'd be better if sad was sadness.

I was glad I cried with mix emotions because that was how I had surivived. I don't care if you thought tasting your tears was weird. I actually needed to do that. There was no rainfall inside the forest for quite some time. The tears weren't hold back for the next couple of weeks. I just let it all out if I can.

- mixed

- the sentence in blue doesn't really make sense to me...

Those few minutes was the happiest moment of my entire life.

- it's not one minute, so instead of was, replace it with were.

Those few minutes were the happiest moments in my entire life.

err...there's still something wrong with it D: dunno if it's just me.

"Actually....you are a Beautifly," he said it simply. There was no amusment nor sadness in his tone. Instead, there was truthfullness.

Spelling mistake! It's truthfulness.

"No,no no! I am a Dustox, not a Beautifly!"

- No, no, no!

Three,...I just hate Beautifly.

- Three...I just hate Beautifly.

I can't stand them. You would think Beautifly would be nice because they are pretty and such. The truth, most of them sinned. Vanity must had lured them to her and made them what they are today.

- I'm not so sure, but I think it's supposed to be have.

"Seriously Dusty, why do you want to become a Dustox? Those bug Pokemon are really ugly! I bet those Dustox would kill to become a Beautifly!"

You've had the same error in your fic thousands of times, and I corrected it many times.

Now, it's time you tell me what's wrong with that XD

Out of anger, I let my wings flapped quickly.

- flap

OR

- "My wings flapped quickly."

Also, I think that "I wanted dusty wings." would be better if it's "I want dusty wings."

Why Nature? Why are you cruel?

There's one VERY simple thing you forgot there that changes the sentence. Tell me, Bay...what is it? XD

I knew I was alive when I had heard my wings flapped slowly.

- imo, I think if you take out had, the sentence would sound better.

- flap

Maybe I am not out of energy, but my stupid damn body was.

There's another simple mistake here. What is it?

I suddenly slowly dived down on the mushy brown ground.

- I suddenly dived down slowly on the mushy, brown ground.

...I learn to just let go.

- learned

Still, I am still the same me.

Don't you think it'd sound better if you replace 'the same me' with 'the same Wurmple'?

~Timid Kyogre
 
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katiekitten

The Compromise
Aw... *hugs*

This has to be one of your best works. =D

The amotion in this was very real, I could really feel for the poor bug. A little choppy at the beginning, and the grammatical errors were a little distracting, but I was able to see the true piece of writing through it. A wonderful little story. You do first person very well. ^.^

A beta reader would help you with the grammatical problems, so I'd advise you to get one. =D

Brilliant job! =D
 

Arcanine Royale

Well-Known Member
Pretty nice job, Bay. Actually, this is the first time I read your work... anyway. I liked it. The moral, as Timid and Sike Saner have said, is a pretty good one, and well presented. The only problems I could see were the many tense issues and mispellings, which many have already pointed out.

Nice job.

~ AR
;475;​
 

PDL

disenchanted
What a sweet story, It also reminds me of times when I'd catch a wurmple only to evolve into the line I wanted.

The moral is a nice one, if only more people here would adhere to that moral :\

anyway, aside from the gramatical and format errors, everything else has already been said :)
 
Last edited:

IceKing

Sexorific!
All of a sudden, it saw a flying bug Pokemon fly up in the air.

could have find out if I gone to that lake a couple of miles away from the forest.

Night, I dreamt I soared up in the air, the wings shining majecstically. What wonders a moon can do. The many stars shinned beautifully, happy because of my wish came true. What a great feeling the dark sky can bring.

Day, I dreamt I soared up in the air, the wings feeling the warmt of the almighty sun. The sun became cooler by the second, being careful to not burn one part of my body. Well actually, two parts of my body that helped me to fly.

In real life, it wasn't really like that. Night and Day, tears rolled down from my unoticable face. It was both of sad and happiness. Sad, because I wanted to do something besides staying here and do nothing. Happy, because soon the event will come. Sometimes patience is good.

^^Favorite part of my one-shot

After I had all of the silk out of mybody,


Also, one of my friends. Lucky he has not eaten me.

My thoughts exactly

Hearing those words sounded like bells in my ear. I was glad someone was happy that I evolved into a Dustox...but Tailey soon showed me a thing called reality.

You should have given some indication that he "thought" he became a Dustox before

Heck, what if that Pokemon was a Gyrados?

Or a Steelix

I thought sourly.

Now you wonder, why I still lived today? Why couldn't you just go and kill yourself?

That's kind of....dark o_O


It was a fine one-shot. Nothing really spectacular in terms of writing or view, but it delivered a nice little moral well. My major gripe with this is that I felt that there should have been some indication that the Wurmple wanted to be a Dustox beforehand, and how did she know that she was supposedly a Dustox? I thought you should have had some sort of callback to looking into the lake, though I did like the callback to the purple sunset later on. Good moral that, as PDL said, should be applied more to present life. Your grammar is improving, remember to stick to one tense though!
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Wow, hadn't came here in a little while. Been too busy with college. >.>

Okay, I will try my best to reply to all of your comments.

Orange Flaffy: Yeah, I think the flow of the story could had been better. I don't know, I guess I lost touch in my writing since this piece is the first one I had written since I started college.

katiekitten: Really? Aw, thanks. ^^ I really tried my best to have the emotions in this story. Yeah, I think a beta reader would be good, since I suck at grammar. ^O^

Timid Kyogre and Hahahabvc87: Thanks for correcting my grammar mistakes! Ugh, sometimes my Word won't work. Dang it, still can't manage to deal with grammar. >.>

And Hahahabvc87, to tell you the truth...I was orignally about to let you check this for any mistakes here, but I felt since it's a one shot, why bother? ^^;;;

Well, before I post "Nothing, Everything (which should be soon), I will let you beta. Promise! =D

PDL and Sike: Hahaha! Yeah, sometimes you won't know what they will evolve. That's why I train either of the two Pokemon instead! XD

IceKing: Well, the reason I did not say which Pokemon Dusty wanted to be yet is I sort of want the readers to guess. Hm...wonder if anyone thought Dusty wanted to become a Beautifly because of the banner? XD

And yes, I will try my best in dealing with the verb tense situation. Oh verb tenses, someday I will understand you. >.>

(Breathes heavily) Well, I hope this reply thing is good. If I rushed it a little bit, then sorry. I sort of needed to study for one of my midterms right now. Again, thanks all of you for the reviews and sorry for the long reply. (Gives all of you pizza ^^ )

;134;~Good night, and good luck~
 
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