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[E] [Poetry] Painful Butterflies

Misfit Angel

Vengeful Ferret
I'm usually not one for poetry, but I felt oddly inspired last night. So here's something I put together, my first poem in fifteen long years.

There's a few meanings to this one; depending on how well you know me, you'll find a different meaning. I won't spoil the potential meanings yet, that'll just ruin the fun. Maybe sometime soon.

Painful Butterflies

I haven't known her for long,
But already I consider her my best friend.
Something about it feels so wrong.
I love her, but how will it end?

I already think I know, sadly:
Not well. Very badly.

She used to be a source of happiness.
But now all I feel is emptiness.
It's not her fault, she doesn't know.
If only my true feelings would show...

I'm a coward. Scared of those feelings. Afraid to show my true self.
I hesitate. I stumble. I apologize needlessly. It's bad for my emotional health.

How? How do I tell her? Let her know?
I've tried. I've failed. My confidence took a crippling blow.
As much as I try not to, I struggle with angriness.
I tell myself it's not a problem, but there's also the creeping loneliness.

As I look at her, she seems happy without me.
Happy, without a clue of how much she's worth.
All the money, all my things. Hell, the whole damned earth!
That's what I'd give up if it meant I made her happy.
But I don't. Well, I do. Just not how I want. Not how I need.
This love is a ravenous monster that I can only feed and feed.

Never sate. It'll kill me at this rate.

I've come to accept it. Make a move? I don't have the guts.
Nothing will ever change that, no ifs, ands or buts.
It's my lot in life to agonize over what should be.
My lot in life to never be happy.

At least she is. That's all that matters. That brings me some comfort.​
 

Starlight Aurate

Just a fallen star
Hi! I haven't seen much poetry on the forums, and I quite like reading poetry in real life, so it's refreshing to see some here!

I know you said there are potential meanings in the story, but I don't think I could find any ^_^; This actually reminded me a bit of Irish fairy tales; the girl's aloofness makes her seem like she's not entirely of this world, but her irresistible qualities is something that fairies also have. I'm also quite a fan of Irish poetry in general and am more familiar with that than with any other :p

As far as writing quality goes, some of the liens follow a rhythmic beat and it flows together quite nicely. There are other times, however, when the rhythm is a bit off. For example:
I haven't known her for long,
But already I consider her my best friend.
Something about it feels so wrong.
I love her, but how will it end?
The second line feels a bit long and awkward, especially as it has more syllables than the other lines in the stanza and the stresses in the words don't make any pattern. It's similar in the final line of the last full stanza; the last line is significantly shorter than the one before it and the stresses in the words make it feel incomplete.

Additionally, the way that the last line is completely on its own and doesn't rhyme or match up with any other lines is a bit jarring. I understand you may have intended it that way, but it made the ending feel a bit off.

Nitpicks aside, I liked this! I also painfully related to it; knowing that you can no longer affect the happiness of someone you love dearly is painful. I thought you did a good job of getting that across in such a short poem. Good job!
 
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