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Electric Sheep

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
[TWENTY-NINE: CHARGESTONE CAVE]​

Air Cutter did nothing.

Or, rather, Air Cutter did something, but not to the ferroseed. It cleared the way of thugs, none of whom were quick on the draw except the one with the deerling, who was taken care of nearly instantly. In the confusion, Door, Geist, and Jack ran—not out of the cave but rather into. Out of was no longer an option so long as the ferroseed were there, and according to Geist’s maps, unless the gang had tampered with the other end or something else had happened since the establishment of the safe zones, Chargestone Cave was still a shortcut to Mistralton City. The question was, where was the other end?

That and:

“Storm barely did anything! Why didn’t her Air Cutter work?!” Door exclaimed.

“They’re part steel, Door!” Geist spat. “You don’t have a type advantage, and their defenses are far too strong for Storm!”

“Then what do I do?!”

He grabbed her wrist and yanked her roughly along the dark tunnel. “You run!”

Door couldn’t reply, although that was mostly because she was now devoting all of her lung capacity to doing as Geist said. He was faster than she was, so keeping up with him was already a task and a half. But more than that, the air was cold, wet, and smelled strongly of copper, and these three things together stung her throat as she gulped entire mouthfuls of breath down. The skin on her neck and hands prickled as she ran, but she couldn’t tell if it was from the chill, the fear, or the static in the air. Behind her, besides the scraping and slapping of Jack’s paws on rock and the occasional whoosh of Storm’s wings, Door could hear the shouts of the gang, the heavy thudding of their boots, and the skittering of something else.

Geist jerked Door forward, and she stumbled but somehow pushed herself into running faster.

“No,” he gasped. “Door! That sound! They’re joltik!”

“Joltik?!” Door shouted.

The tunnel before them lit up with a brilliant, yellow light, and Storm screamed a half second later. Door twisted, her heels kicking against the rock even as Geist tried to pull her along. He only succeeded in driving Door into his arms, and as he turned to lift her, he swept her around and—by complete accident—gave her a full view of what was happening.

Behind them, Jack dove forward and passed them completely. Storm, on the other hand, could not move. The walls surrounding her were studded with tiny, yellow puffs of fur, each of which trailed fine threads of silk from their mouths. The threads formed a web that wrapped around Storm, holding her in its neon-yellow brilliance as electricity danced along each line and into her body. She twisted and stretched her wings and emitted strangled, choking sounds from her throat, and her trainer could do nothing but watch. At last, the ring of joltik unleashed one last surge of electricity that pulsed down their web and into the tranquill.

The metallic screech she emitted next was not from her voice. It was from the metal in her body twisting all at once under the heat and electrical surge. Her joints and eyes popped all at once, and her limbs danced and rattled at unnatural angles until the surge died down. Storm hung limply in the web until the silk tore, sending her body clattering lifelessly to the ground.

Door screamed. She felt herself be pulled back as a beam of light flashed over her shoulder. And then, at once, Antares appeared, and the tunnel filled with fire. The joltik screeched and popped, one by one, as their trainers shouted behind them.

Soon, Door and Geist were running again. Door couldn’t remember ever turning around or launching herself back into that mad dash down the claustrophobic pathways of Chargestone Cave, nor did she remember Antares joining Geist. All she could remember was the shouts of the thieves dying down and her protesting legs and lungs.

“Door, send out your pokémon,” Geist ordered. “All of them! Now!”

“S-Storm—” Door rasped.

He cut her off with a glare. His eyes were bright and blue. Later on, Door would look back on this moment and liken that light to a fire.

“Just do it!” he growled.

She didn’t argue. Soon—in addition to Jack—Huntress, Prongs, and Knives ran behind them. The tunnel filled with the sounds of scuttling again, followed by the flash of neon yellow, signalling the arrival of more joltik. However, when she glanced over her shoulder, she saw Prongs leap into the strike and absorb the hit almost effortlessly, allowing his partners to run on ahead. But then a ferroseed dropped from the ceiling, and Prongs reared back, body dancing as something struck him like a rain of bullets from a machine gun. His body flopped backwards, and a volley of Pin Missiles hit the ceiling of the cave. In response, Huntress howled and slammed her paws against the wall, and a rush of boulders collapsed onto the swarm of joltik and ferroseed—Rock Tomb, Door realized. Perhaps courtesy of Blair’s tutoring session back in Driftveil.

It didn’t matter shortly afterwards. This was because, all of a sudden, the tunnel ended. Not in a dead end, luckily enough, but rather in a cavern—a proper cavern, with high ceilings and rugged, blue terrain. The rocks here sparkled; Door thought at first it was because of the minerals but then realized quickly afterwards that it was because each of them literally sparkled. Every boulder, every rock surface sparked and glittered with electricity, the source of the eerie, blue light that illuminated the chamber.

And there, in that very room, were two things. First, there were the boulders Geist had told Door about, floating lazily in place at random distances from the ground. Second, across the way, across the stadium-sized space, was another hole in the rock wall. This one, however, glowed with the light of the sun.

Door nearly cried at the sight of it.

“Jack! Knives!” Geist snapped. “Get one of the boulders moving towards the tunnel entrance! Hurry!”

Both pokémon barked in unison as they dove towards one of the floating boulders. With a shove, they pushed it forward, digging their paws into the earth as they went. At first, their progress was slow, and with the shouts of the gang down the tunnel, the sight of them working set Door’s nerves on edge. But finally, with one final shove, the boulder sailed quickly across the cave floor and slammed hard into the mouth of the tunnel, jamming itself into the opening.

Geist and Door slowed to a stop and chanced a glance back. The thieves’ shouts had finally reached the boulder, but judging by the scraping and pounding, it would be some time before they worked the stone out.

Taking relief in that, Door sagged against Geist, forcing Antares off his shoulder and onto the cave floor.

“****,” Door breathed. She pressed her hand to her forehead and hung her body on the arm Geist wrapped around her. “Mother … mother****er…”

“Door,” Geist said.

She looked up and squinted at him. There was something wrong with his voice. It was warbling, warping, like there was static interference in it.

“Are you all right?” he continued, seemingly unaware of the defect.

She forced herself to nod, but he studied her, taking in her wide eyes and pale expression.

“I know,” he said, his voice still tinny. “Out of all the areas accessible to trainers, this chamber has the highest concentration of magnetic stone in the system. I’ll be fine so long as we get out of here quickly.”

Door nodded but then stiffened. “Wait. ****! Huntress!”

She twisted in Geist’s arms to see her herdier standing between Knives, Jack, and Antares. Huntress tilted her head, seemingly unaffected by the stone.

“Fauxkémon,” Geist said. “They’re made to withstand environmental factors better than Companions can. They have to battle embodiments of them, after all. Huntress should be fine too, so long as her chassis isn’t directly exposed to the magnetic boulders.” He closed his mouth and looked towards the cave exit, but Door could hear his voice box crackle and pop. “The same can’t be said for me, however,” he added.

With a final nod, Door pulled his arm around her shoulders and said, “Then let’s go.”

As they began their shuffle across the chamber to the other side, Geist forced himself to smile at his partner.

“You don’t have to carry me, you know,” he said.

“One, you’re not protesting. Two, it’s the least I could do.” Door steeled herself and steadied her glare straight ahead. “I’m sorry about all this.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just worry about getting out of here.” He pulled away but kept his hand on her shoulder. “Did you catch your breath?”

Door fumbled for her words but then hastily nodded. “Uh … y-yeah. I’m all right.”

“Good.” Geist slid his hand down to her wrist. “Get ready.”

There was an ungodly scraping sound somewhere near the tunnel entrance. Door felt a cold pit open in her stomach, and Geist’s hand tightened a little more around her wrist.

“Everyone,” he said, “run when I give the signal!”

There was a pop and a flash of light. Something screeched above them.

“Run!” Geist shouted.

They took only a few steps before a stream of purple fire slammed into the ground between them and the exit. Geist and Door doubled back, and their pokémon stumbled alongside them.

Then, the stream stopped, and a shape fluttered onto a floating boulder just a few meters ahead of them. It blinked large, mostly-white eyes at them a few times, then ruffled its yellow and blue feathers and clicked its oversized beak. The whole thing looked odd—like its proportions were all wrong, as if it was trying to be a bird and succeeding at only resembling a three-year-old’s concept of one. But most importantly, it was like nothing else Door had ever seen.

“Archen,” Geist rasped. “How did they get their hands on an archen fauxkémon?”

“Archen?” Door whispered.

“A fossil pokémon,” her Companion explained. “And, for that matter, limited edition domestic-only fauxkémon—one of the rarest runs possible. Door, be careful. These are extremely aggressive. They’re designed for collectors interested in only the rarest and most powerful models.”

The archen tilted its head from left to right, examining the human and the Companion with its wide eyes. Door reached over to grasp Geist’s arm. She was about to ask him why a bunch of common thieves would send out something as rare as an archen—especially without a trainer—but the scraping and shouting behind her gave her an answer before she could form her question. They were working the boulder out of the tunnel, which meant Door and Geist only had a short amount of time.

“Jack!” Door shouted. “Water Pulse!”

The dewott barked and unsheathed his scalchops. As he twirled them through the air, water wove around his blades, and when he brought them together in front of his face, pooled between them and shot at the archen. His target cocked its head and blinked once more, but it didn’t move, not until the Water Pulse knocked it off its perch. It screeched and whirled within the wave of water before shooting from its surface and taking flight. Without even pausing to recover, the archen rose high into the air, up and up, until it nearly touched the distant ceiling. Abruptly, it turned and dove, wings folded in, beak pointed to Jack, blue light engulfing its body.

Door stiffened. “Jack move!” she screamed. “It’s Acrobatics!”

Jack did not move. He could not move; the archen was far too quick. Jack could only widen his eyes and hold his scalchops in front of him, crossed, in an effort to defend himself.

The archen struck him twice. Once in the front, slamming his scalchops into his chest. And then again after rising a short distance, banking around, and striking him from behind.

It was the strike from behind that did it. Jack’s back bent against the archen’s beak. His eyes opened as far as they could, and his mouth widened, fanged jaws stretching apart farther than Door had ever seen them go.

In hindsight, Door wouldn’t remember whether or not Jack screamed. He probably did. He had enough time. But that didn’t seem important to Door. Not compared to the sight of Jack, her dewott, her very first pokémon partner, exploding into a cloud of pink smoke.

For some reason, though, she could remember the way his scalchops sounded when they struck the rock floor—a pair of metallic pings as they bounced—shortly before they dissolved into pink smoke too. All that was left was the mystic water Hilda had given him seemingly ages ago, which bounced further than the scalchops and clattered to the ground at Door’s feet.

And then, Door remembered screaming. She remembered Geist dragging her back. She remembered Huntress leaping at the archen, and she remembered the crunch of the archen’s neck between Huntress’s jaws. The next clear memory she had was of Geist’s hand on her wrist and of his voice in her ear.

“Door! The boulder! We have to go!”

Somewhere behind them, the boulder crashed to the ground, and four more lights illuminated the cavern. Door turned and saw Knives’s Grass Knot binding a boldore and Knives disappearing underground. She saw Huntress bury a joltik and a ferroseed in Rock Tomb after Rock Tomb, summoned with each step the dog took as she ran after Door and Geist. She saw Knives bursting from the ground to strike a klink and spreading Attract across the surge of sandile, trubbish, watchog, and scraggy that poured from the tunnel. She saw Antares channel fire above the Attract to ward off the gang.

She did not see any sign of where Jack had been, save for the mystic water next to the broken archen. Her eyes fell on the pendant and lingered there, as if it was her only anchor to everything.

“Door, let’s go!” Geist shouted. “Eyes up!”

She couldn’t. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the mystic water. She couldn’t look at her pokémon.

And soon, she couldn’t see. Her eyes stung, and her vision blurred with tears. Her throat felt like it was closing, and for that, she couldn’t speak. She wanted so badly to scream again.

Her foot caught on uneven ground, and she pitched forward. Geist spun and caught her, and for the briefest of moments, she looked up into his face and saw the concerned, scared, deeply human expression in it.

And then, the two of them pitched backwards, right into a floating boulder.

The effects were nearly instant. One moment, Geist had a full mess of emotions played across his face. The next, he froze. The light in his eyes flickered, then clicked off, leaving behind glass and paint. His mouth formed a straight line, and it seemed as if all the color in his face drained away.

She and Geist spilled to the ground after that, and Door found herself lying on her side, staring straight into a dead-eyed Companion.

With a shaking hand, she reached up to grasp Geist’s shoulder. The commotion of the nearby battle seemed to fade, and all Door could hear was her breathing, her heartbeat, and Geist’s lifeless silence.

It took her a few seconds of breathing before she could find her voice.

“Geist?” she said. Quietly. Uncertainly.

He didn’t respond. Not even to move. She shook his shoulder, but he shifted limply at her touch like a doll.

“Geist?” she whispered. “Geist…?”

She pulled herself closer. Placed her hands on the sides of his face. And broke down sobbing.

Overhead, there was a brilliant flash of blue light. A crack of fire and a deafening roar pierced through Door’s narrowing line of perception and filled her world. The air grew heavy with the stench of copper and burning rubber, and the cavern felt as hot as the sun. Door crawled closer to Geist, her sobbing shifting into screaming as the flames raged above her.

And then, there was a shadow blocking out some of the light. A pair of hands pulled her up, dragged her away from Geist, lifted her into the air, and for the first time in days, she could see N’s face. He looked down at her in concern, then cast a glance to someone else she couldn’t see.

“Rosa! Reshiram!” he called.

“Get her and her pokémon out of here!” Rosa shouted. “Justice and I have got things under control!”

With a nod, N whirled around and broke into a run towards the cave exit. As he ran, Door cast one last glance at the fight. A great, white form—one that seemed to be made of smoke and feathers, glowing in its own light—stood between Rosa and the blue fires Door assumed was what was left of the thieves’ pokémon army. Behind Rosa’s turned back, Knives, Antares, and Huntress ran after N, keeping up with him step for step.

As for Geist, he lay on the ground, still as motionless as Door had left him. A samurott reached down to pull him onto its back, then cast a patient glance towards Rosa, as if waiting for her to finish.

It was that image—of a lifeless Geist on the back of the pokémon Jack could have been someday—that did it for Door. Her next breath shook, and her body trembled violently.

And as N carried her outside, to the edge of Mistralton City, Door cried into his shoulder.

—​

> CONCLUSION.txt
> Author: Lanette Hamilton
> Notes: From the audio research notes of Lanette Hamilton. Transcript only; sound file has been lost. File transcribed by Bebe Larson.


████: Project Galatea, summary and review. As you can tell, I’m not Lanette. However, I hope she’s listening. I’m going to give her this file as soon as I’m done. It’s important that she hears this, I think.

Because, first and foremost, I want to say I forgive you. I know what you’re trying to do, and although I might not agree with it and although your last few tests have yielded … let’s say somewhat less-than-positive results, I know your heart was in the right place. I also know you’re worried about me, and I’m sorry for driving you to this point. I really am. And I wish that someday, I’ll be able to express that properly to you. However, until then, I’m begging you. Please stop. We’ll figure something out, but I don’t want you to hurt yourself for anyone’s sake.

Least of all Halcyon’s. Gods, I wish I hadn’t gotten you involved in that.

[pause, sigh]

Sorry. I’m getting off-track. In total, if we count Melpomene—which I regret to say we probably should, considering she’s moved on to mass-production as well—there are eight possible configurations of Companion. The ninth muse, Polyhymnia, has no true representation according to Lanette, but I beg to differ. If no one minds me saying so on record, Zero-One may possess unique enough qualities to be considered his own class and, thus, the only Polyhymnia in existence. Unfortunately, because I can’t actually make decisions like these for obvious reasons, Zero-One is officially classified as a Calliope unit, as that series was directly based on his configuration.

But that’s neither here nor there. The truth of the matter is that Project Galatea was both a phenomenal success and an utter failure. It was a phenomenal success because, after barely three years since Calliope was first released, Companions are a commercial wonder. Astonishingly enough, we’ve received no complaints, no reports of any major issues, not even anything we would need to initiate a mass-recall for. Moreover, everyone loves them. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t see a Thalia on TV or an Erato running errands. I’m told by Professor Gary Oak that over half his students are followed around by a Clio. It’s apparently a little distracting in Celadon University’s already crowded lecture halls, but somehow, they make do.

On the other hand, it was a failure because neither of us have achieved what was initially the point of Project Galatea. None of the experiments have successfully replicated Zero-One’s unique characteristics, nor have we been able to create a close enough proximity to what he can do. He is, in short, a unique case, and it appears that he will remain as such in the future. Or at least, he will if I can help it.

I’m sorry, Lanette. I really am. Please don’t hate yourself.

[end recording]
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Somehow I never considered adorable fuzzy little joltik as an actual threat, but there it was. In hindsight I ought to have given the sweet little cuddly fuzzbugs a bit more respect. I mean. They're electric. That's still scary af to deal with even if you're not an AI. They're basically tasers with legs.

They're still obscenely adorable though.

He cut her off with a glare. His eyes were bright and blue.

What if regular!Bill could do that.

It didn’t matter shortly afterwards. This was because, all of a sudden, the tunnel ended. Not in a dead end, luckily enough, but rather in a cavern—a proper cavern, with high ceilings and rugged, blue terrain. The rocks here sparkled; Door thought at first it was because of the minerals but then realized quickly afterwards that it was because each of them literally sparkled. Every boulder, every rock surface sparked and glittered with electricity, the source of the eerie, blue light that illuminated the chamber.

Pretty!

Oh wait, I was going to give electricity more respect, wasn't I.

...It's still pretty. One of the prettiest dungeons in the series tbh.

Her foot caught on uneven ground, and she pitched forward. Geist spun and caught her, and for the briefest of moments, she looked up into his face and saw the concerned, scared, deeply human expression in it.

And then, the two of them pitched backwards, right into a floating boulder.

I actually said "oh ****!!" aloud here.

It was that image—of a lifeless Geist on the back of the pokémon Jack could have been someday—that did it for Door. Her next breath shook, and her body trembled violently.

And as N carried her outside, to the edge of Mistralton City, Door cried into his shoulder.

I don't blame her. That is an amazingly sad image, especially in context.

Ok so. Body (and smoke) count this time: 2 for sure. Including the damn starter. And Geist possibly fried for good. (Possibly. He is, after all, a unique case!)

Harmstone Cave indeed dsfshdf.
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Ok gonna type this up ahead of time, before I read the chapter:
[SPOIL]I STG IF JACK DIES I AM FLIPPING EVERY TABLE.[/SPOIL]
Alright. Time to dive in...

The metallic screech she emitted next was not from her voice. It was from the metal in her body twisting all at once under the heat and electrical surge. Her joints and eyes popped all at once, and her limbs danced and rattled at unnatural angles until the surge died down. Storm hung limply in the web until the silk tore, sending her body clattering lifelessly to the ground.
D8 D8 D8 Okay that's gotta be one of the most horrifying deaths so far.

He cut her off with a glare. His eyes were bright and blue. Later on, Door would look back on this moment and liken that light to a fire.
Man, this is such a cool image. I love that comparison.

However, when she glanced over her shoulder, she saw Prongs leap into the strike and absorb the hit almost effortlessly, allowing his partners to run on ahead. But then a ferroseed dropped from the ceiling, and Prongs reared back, body dancing as something struck him like a rain of bullets from a machine gun. His body flopped backwards, and a volley of Pin Missiles hit the ceiling of the cave.
Did he die? D: D: I can't tell!!

It didn’t matter shortly afterwards. This was because, all of a sudden, the tunnel ended. Not in a dead end, luckily enough, but rather in a cavern—a proper cavern, with high ceilings and rugged, blue terrain. The rocks here sparkled; Door thought at first it was because of the minerals but then realized quickly afterwards that it was because each of them literally sparkled. Every boulder, every rock surface sparked and glittered with electricity, the source of the eerie, blue light that illuminated the chamber.
Hnnng, not gonna lie, this was insanely cool. This was always one of my favorite in-game locations. I would have been looking forward to the awesomeness a lot more if I weren't, you know... dreading the pain.

The whole thing looked odd—like its proportions were all wrong, as if it was trying to be a bird and succeeding at only resembling a three-year-old’s concept of one. But most importantly, it was like nothing else Door had ever seen.
Okay in between all the running and yelling, this is the most hilarious description of a paravian I've ever read.

It was the strike from behind that did it. Jack’s back bent against the archen’s beak. His eyes opened as far as they could, and his mouth widened, fanged jaws stretching apart farther than Door had ever seen them go.

In hindsight, Door wouldn’t remember whether or not Jack screamed. He probably did. He had enough time. But that didn’t seem important to Door. Not compared to the sight of Jack, her dewott, her very first pokémon partner, exploding into a cloud of pink smoke.
...........................................................................................................
[SPOIL](╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
[/SPOIL]
And then, the two of them pitched backwards, right into a floating boulder.
oh no.

The effects were nearly instant. One moment, Geist had a full mess of emotions played across his face. The next, he froze. The light in his eyes flickered, then clicked off, leaving behind glass and paint. His mouth formed a straight line, and it seemed as if all the color in his face drained away.
OH NO. I DIDN'T REALIZE. I BRACED MYSELF FOR DOOR'S TEAM... I WASN'T PREPARED FOR GEIST.

nooooooooo this is terrible. The only reason Door has made it through anything emotionally is because of Geist how is she going to function without him even if it's only temporary this is going to ruin her and that is by far the most painful part of all this.

And man, that ending image with Reshiram taking out the nerds thugs was awesome and all, but damn it all I did not foresee that happening to Geist. This is terrible. 0 stars. I need to lie down.
[SPOIL]10/10 pain and suffering[/SPOIL]

~Chibi~;249;;448;
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
Author's Note: The following was technically part of chapter 13, but I'm splitting it off into its own post, partly for space reasons and partly because it fits more within the series of extras. The content is by and large the same, however, with some tweaks. *shrug emoji*

Review responses will come soon, I promise!



[EXTRA #3: NACRENE CENTER]

“You know, the Nurse Joys in this region aren’t that bad.”

That was the only thing Rosa Alvarado had to say as she finished stitching closed a bite wound on a tympole’s back. She had never actually received formal medical training, but literal decades with the International Police taught her a thing or three. So when Hilda King called in a favor and asked her to patch up Natural Harmonia Groupius’s pokémon in a hotel bathroom, what else was she going to do? Turn down a request made by the champion herself?

One narrow-eyed glare from N made her wonder if that was what she should have done.

“What?” she asked. Her hand snaked up to the sink to grab the scissors, but she didn’t take her eyes off N’s face.

“The pokémon centers in this part of the region are full of artificial pokémon,” he said. “I can hear their voices, but I can’t understand them.”

Rosa snipped the end of the thread. “And that means … what?”

“He means he doesn’t think the Nurse Joys in this neck of the woods know how to take care of real pokémon,” Hilda replied. She sat on the bed, her chin resting in a palm. “To be honest, I can understand why he’d be hesitant, but it’s a little silly. Of course they know how to take care of real pokémon. Lots of people from other regions take on the Unova circuit, which means fighting the first two gyms.”

“True,” Rosa replied as she set aside the needle, the thread, and the scissors to scratch under tympole’s chin. “But I get it. Those trainers are usually so strong they walk all over the gym leaders. They don’t really need much more than a bandaid most of the time.”

“Thank you,” N said.

“Although…”

Rosa stood and crossed the bathroom with the tympole in her arms. When she reached N, she held his pokémon out. The pokémon was fast asleep, still under the Sleep Powder sedative Rosa had administered, so when N accepted the pokémon in his arms, he was able to do so without it fussing. He held it close, lowering his eyes to the stitches on its back with a frown.

“Although?” Hilda asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You’ve seen Amanita Fennel’s reports, right?” Rosa asked, casting a glance to the champion. “About the recent Dreamyard incident?”

“No, but I’ve heard a few things from N. Something about real pokémon appearing in Unova again?”

Rosa nodded. “Exactly. It’s been happening for the past few months. That’s going to lead to some big changes around this part of the region. The Nurse Joy in Striaton’s already adapting.”

Hilda frowned, examining her friend’s face. “You look rather serious about that. Isn’t this a good thing?”

“Well, it would be, but…”

Rosa shifted her gaze to N. He nodded, prompting her to continue, and with a deep breath and a heavy sigh, Rosa glanced back at Hilda.

“N’s noticed it, and I’m sure you have too,” Rosa said. “An up-and-coming radical organization holds a rally in Accumula. Shortly afterwards, thieves attempt to steal a musharna from the Dreamyard. Sound familiar?”

The corners of Hilda’s mouth dropped a little more as she eyed her company. Then, she tilted her head in her hand.

“Of course it does,” she replied quietly.

“What do you think it means?” N asked.

Hilda shrugged. “I dunno. But for now, I guess it means we keep an eye on Nacrene Museum.” Then, shifting her glance up at Rosa, she added, “Better get the Hawes family on the line. It’s time to reel them in too.”
 

Cutlerine

Gone. Not coming back.
A quick reply-to-a-reply:

Omg. That’s one possible playthrough, but yeah, that’s like, super hard mode.

...and now I want to try it, lmao.

It's actually pretty fun if also incredibly stressful and I did beat Platinum that way! Thing is, if you get the right pokémon, you can treat it like a monomon run but with meatshield extra pokémon in the rest of your party that you toss in front of super effective attacks to protect your main attacker. Staraptor is fast, has good type coverage and hits like a bullet train, so my Route 1 starly did good work close combating through most of the game while I sacrificed other pokémon to keep her health pool high. It's, uh, not something that translates into ethical fiction, unfortunately, which is why that particular run inspired plenty of melancholy ink drawings from me but no writing. I can only imagine that poor staraptor got very traumatised by the way I used almost every single one of her friends and teammates as cannon fodder so that she could survive to kill again.

Anyway, on with the chapter! And oh man, here's where things get fun, huh? :p Death, including a wonderful Raiders of the Lost Ark-style melting from the electrical discharge, and one of the most interesting locations in Unova, all in one chapter! Chargestone Cave is possibly one of the weirdest places in the pokémon world, and I'm always pleased to see that recognised in fic; its chargestones are like the epitome of the point where science becomes indistinguishable from magic, and the place feels as eerie and dangerous as it probably ought to. I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I especially love the way the joltik are attached to the rocks themselves -- according to the pokédex, of course, joltik can't generate their own power but suck it like ticks out of larger electric-types or machines, so it's always made sense to me that Chargestone Cave, where electricity is naturally abundant, would be a place where galvantula lay their eggs, and it's cool to think about the joltik here using the chargestones themselves as power sources to run through the webs they spit.

... possibly it says something about me that this is my first response and not "oh no what about Geist and the profound effects this is going to have on Door", but you know, Chargestone Cave is cool and so are electro-ticks. I have to say, Hilda showing up to save the day was also pretty cool -- if punctured somewhat by the fact that she named Reshiram Justice, which, here's an object lesson in what happens when you give children legendaries, I guess.

Is it meant to be a subtle joke that Geist's optimum strategy for dealing with ferroseed is to run? Because it strikes me as kinda hilarious, given that they're about as good at pursuing enemies as the average roof slate. The pokédex says they can roll around to move, but given their shape, I always just imagine them struggling to go in a straight line and rolling disconsolately around in circles.

A thing I've been meaning to say for a while: the choice of "Project Galatea" as a codename for the Companion project is really good. Because the story of Pygmalion and Galatea is all kinds of problematic, and Lanette's choice of it as the name of the project is very telling -- either she recognises the weirdness of what she's doing (consciously or not), or she doesn't, and is just unwittingly drawing the parallel between herself and Pygmalion. Either way, it's an excellent character detail. I don't think you've given us enough information to be sure what the truth is yet, and honestly I'm not sure we need it: the ambiguity works exceptionally well as is, I think.

Man, this review is a mess, what I intended to say was this was always very clearly implied to be where things started to go downhill and it really does not disappoint. I'm 100% here for the pain to begin. >:D This is probably the point where I should stop rambling and draw a line under all this. At any rate, definitely looking forward to what happens next.
 
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DreamSayer

Name's Adam.
Review for chapter 3-6
Heh! Chapter 3 felt like it was foreshadowing a robot apocalypse, and also raises some ethical questions on how humans would treat robots once they begin to act like us. But that’s not what this chapter was all about. Door sort of captured her first pokemon, even though she technically didn’t. I wonder how long the patrat is going to last. Hopefully long enough.

There’s also a lot to talk about in your fourth chapter. Door’s suspicions about Geist, whom was most likely a high class trainer pre amnesia, Team Matrix (I can’t think of them without picturing a bunch of guys jumping around and dodging bullets in slow mo lol) and Door finally knowing that her Oshawwot was a real living one.

Team Matrix’s motives parallel those of Team Plasma, and I bet there’s more in common between them than that mere coincidence. N challenging Door must’ve been a nod to the games, and it was quite a nice battle to follow.

Chapter 5 sure said a lot about how Geist views faux pokemon. He seems to think of them as living things for some reason, can’t blame the guy tho. Also, RIP Dooreen’s hand. Still, the exchange between Door and Blair was fun; I can already see them becoming rivals. The part where Patrat bit into Wilbur’s leg was painful to read, but it was probably more painful for the tepig, am I right?

I have to admit I felt sorry for Blair in chapter 6, I hope she shows up again soon. It was touching to see Door wanting to make up to Geist after everything she did, that’s some nice character growth for her. There was then that battle with the snivy, which was cool. But it makes me wonder why she keeps using the patrat after it basically hospitalized two pokemon. The way you incorporated the plot was also interesting, with the multi dimension aspect of it and all. I wonder what’s up with the musharna that keeps bringing pokemon to the real world, amybe it’s tired of seeing android pokemon?
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
So! For the sake of avoiding spoilers for certain folks who are admirably powering through this fic (omg ;_; ), the responses for the latest chapter and extra are behind a spoil tag. :D

Long and short of it is, though, thanks to everyone who’s dropped by~ <3

[spoil]
Somehow I never considered adorable fuzzy little joltik as an actual threat, but there it was. In hindsight I ought to have given the sweet little cuddly fuzzbugs a bit more respect. I mean. They're electric. That's still scary af to deal with even if you're not an AI. They're basically tasers with legs.

They're still obscenely adorable though.

They are, but my god, even the cutest things in this franchise can kill a dude if we take the dex as biblical fact. :( (I mean, to be fair, the smallest, cutest things in real life can also kill a dude, but still. And yes, I know that’s not even in the same family as spiders, but I personally don’t think actually venomous spiders are all that cute. :( :( :()

What if regular!Bill could do that.

Then people would actually take him seriously ngl. :V

Pretty!

Oh wait, I was going to give electricity more respect, wasn't I.

...It's still pretty. One of the prettiest dungeons in the series tbh.

Ikr? I mean, it’s absolutely literal hell for anyone who doesn’t have a good fire-type (*raises hand*), but I agree that it’s definitely one of the prettiest caves in the franchise.

I actually said "oh ****!!" aloud here.

I don't blame her. That is an amazingly sad image, especially in context.

Ok so. Body (and smoke) count this time: 2 for sure. Including the damn starter. And Geist possibly fried for good. (Possibly. He is, after all, a unique case!)

Harmstone Cave indeed dsfshdf.

Lmao, and this isn’t the end of it. 8) 8) 8) (I mean, it’s definitely the worst of it, but still.)

As for Geist, worry not. He’s like those story-relevant legendaries: you literally can’t dump him off by knocking him out. :p

Ok gonna type this up ahead of time, before I read the chapter:
[SPOIL]I STG IF JACK DIES I AM FLIPPING EVERY TABLE.[/SPOIL]

Ngl, I literally cackled the second I opened this spoiler.

D8 D8 D8 Okay that's gotta be one of the most horrifying deaths so far.

I figured y’all had it easy with the deaths so far. ;)

Did he die? D: D: I can't tell!!

Yeeeeep. Prongs is hella dead.

JUST LIKE HIS NAMESAKE. 8) *shot!*

Hnnng, not gonna lie, this was insanely cool. This was always one of my favorite in-game locations. I would have been looking forward to the awesomeness a lot more if I weren't, you know... dreading the pain.

Lmao, yeah, I wish I could’ve enjoyed it more too, but right about here is when I really started to regret my decision to box Antares instead of use him myself. :(

Okay in between all the running and yelling, this is the most hilarious description of a paravian I've ever read.

*bows*

Lbr, as cool as some of the concepts are (and adorable as some of them may be), Unova had the weirdest effing designs ever. And I’m not even talking about actual concepts (because eff off, genwunners, the vanillite line is rad af); I’m talking more about general color theory and design choices. Like … *motions to clown oshawott* YOU’RE CUTE, BUT WTF IS GOING ON WITH YOUR HEAD. *motions to the archen line* WHO COLORED YOU? *motions to reshiram* WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A TUFT THERE. *motions wildly to sigilyph* JUST IN GENERAL WTF.

...........................................................................................................
[SPOIL](╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
[/SPOIL]

*cackles*

oh no.

OH NO. I DIDN'T REALIZE. I BRACED MYSELF FOR DOOR'S TEAM... I WASN'T PREPARED FOR GEIST.

*CACKLES UNCONTROLLABLY*

nooooooooo this is terrible. The only reason Door has made it through anything emotionally is because of Geist how is she going to function without him even if it's only temporary this is going to ruin her and that is by far the most painful part of all this.

YEP. SHE IS NOT GONNA BE OKAY FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THE MISTRALTON ARC. 8) 8) 8)

And man, that ending image with Reshiram taking out the nerds thugs was awesome and all, but damn it all I did not foresee that happening to Geist. This is terrible. 0 stars. I need to lie down.
[SPOIL]10/10 pain and suffering[/SPOIL]

PERFECT. 8) 8) 8) 8)

It's actually pretty fun if also incredibly stressful and I did beat Platinum that way! Thing is, if you get the right pokémon, you can treat it like a monomon run but with meatshield extra pokémon in the rest of your party that you toss in front of super effective attacks to protect your main attacker. Staraptor is fast, has good type coverage and hits like a bullet train, so my Route 1 starly did good work close combating through most of the game while I sacrificed other pokémon to keep her health pool high. It's, uh, not something that translates into ethical fiction, unfortunately, which is why that particular run inspired plenty of melancholy ink drawings from me but no writing. I can only imagine that poor staraptor got very traumatised by the way I used almost every single one of her friends and teammates as cannon fodder so that she could survive to kill again.

Omg, I’m gonna do it.

Conveniently, I was thinking of starting another Nuzlocke (not sure if I’ll write another story based on it; I have a loose idea but it’ll be hard af to execute), so this would be a fun set of rules to employ. 8) 8) 8)

But! In the meantime, once again, I fully encourage you to write a Nuzlocke. yeeesssss let’s bring the genre to serebiiiiiii

Anyway, on with the chapter! And oh man, here's where things get fun, huh? :p Death, including a wonderful Raiders of the Lost Ark-style melting from the electrical discharge, and one of the most interesting locations in Unova, all in one chapter! Chargestone Cave is possibly one of the weirdest places in the pokémon world, and I'm always pleased to see that recognised in fic; its chargestones are like the epitome of the point where science becomes indistinguishable from magic, and the place feels as eerie and dangerous as it probably ought to.

Aaaaaamen. It’s such a beautiful place, but when you’ve got solid boulders that float only through the power of magnets (literally how???), you kinda get the feeling you shouldn’t be in there. Or touching literally anything. I’m pretty sure a magnetic field powerful enough to suspend solid rock would just mess you right the eff up. It’s like standing in an MRI machine with zero protection for as long as you merry well want. Idek, yo…

I don't know if it was intentional or not, but I especially love the way the joltik are attached to the rocks themselves -- according to the pokédex, of course, joltik can't generate their own power but suck it like ticks out of larger electric-types or machines, so it's always made sense to me that Chargestone Cave, where electricity is naturally abundant, would be a place where galvantula lay their eggs, and it's cool to think about the joltik here using the chargestones themselves as power sources to run through the webs they spit.

Thanks! :D That was actually 100% intentional because I quite agree. I mean, even though it kiiiiiinda lives in areas that aren’t really abundant in electrical charges (it can be found on Route 116 in ORAS … although maybe that’s because that route’s sometimes plagued with thunderstorms), it just makes sense according to its ‘dex entry that it would thrive in electrically charged environments, yanno? Because, yes, it is an adorable furry electro-tick, and as such, it just makes sense for it to put out electricity by way of leeching it from its environment.

(I’m gonna go with “it lives on Route 116 because thunderstorms” explanation, tbqh.)

... possibly it says something about me that this is my first response and not "oh no what about Geist and the profound effects this is going to have on Door", but you know, Chargestone Cave is cool and so are electro-ticks.

Well, to be fair, both of these things are cool. XD

I have to say, Hilda showing up to save the day was also pretty cool -- if punctured somewhat by the fact that she named Reshiram Justice, which, here's an object lesson in what happens when you give children legendaries, I guess.

Also to be fair, that was Rosa, who has slightly more naming sensibility than Hilda but not by much. (Rosa names her pokémon things like Justice and Temperance; Hilda names hers things like Zappy and Curly.)

Is it meant to be a subtle joke that Geist's optimum strategy for dealing with ferroseed is to run? Because it strikes me as kinda hilarious, given that they're about as good at pursuing enemies as the average roof slate. The pokédex says they can roll around to move, but given they're shape, I always just imagine them struggling to go in a straight line and rolling disconsolately around in circles.

Omfg. I admit that wasn’t intentional, but given whose personality served as a basis for Geist, it might as well be a joke. XDDDD (Bill would lose horribly to and then make a strategic retreat from a stationary pokémon.)

A thing I've been meaning to say for a while: the choice of "Project Galatea" as a codename for the Companion project is really good. Because the story of Pygmalion and Galatea is all kinds of problematic, and Lanette's choice of it as the name of the project is very telling -- either she recognises the weirdness of what she's doing (consciously or not), or she doesn't, and is just unwittingly drawing the parallel between herself and Pygmalion. Either way, it's an excellent character detail. I don't think you've given us enough information to be sure what the truth is yet, and honestly I'm not sure we need it: the ambiguity works exceptionally well as is, I think.

Maaaaaan, I wish I could spoil things for you, but it’s just so fascinating to hear what people think of those end notes. 8) 8) 8)

I will say I’m so happy you’ve picked up on the Pygmalion reference because absolutely, that’s supposed to say something about Lanette herself. The truth, though, is a heck of a lot more depressing than one would think, so I’ll cap this comment off with another clue beneath the spoiler:

[spoil]She’s aware, and she’s being sardonic about it. 8)[/spoil]

Man, this review is a mess, what I intended to say was this was always very clearly implied to be where things started to go downhill and it really does not disappoint. I'm 100% here for the pain to begin. >:D This is probably the point where I should stop rambling and draw a line under all this. At any rate, definitely looking forward to what happens next.

*MORE CACKLING* >8) >8) >8)[/spoil]

AND NOW TO THE NON-SPOILERY BITS.

Heh! Chapter 3 felt like it was foreshadowing a robot apocalypse, and also raises some ethical questions on how humans would treat robots once they begin to act like us. But that’s not what this chapter was all about. Door sort of captured her first pokemon, even though she technically didn’t. I wonder how long the patrat is going to last. Hopefully long enough.

Pretty long. ;D

Meantimes! The observation you made in the first half of this paragraph is most certainly important because heck yeah AI discourse. 8) Deeeeefinitely keep it in mind for later~

There’s also a lot to talk about in your fourth chapter. Door’s suspicions about Geist, whom was most likely a high class trainer pre amnesia,

8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

Team Matrix (I can’t think of them without picturing a bunch of guys jumping around and dodging bullets in slow mo lol)

AS YOU SHOULD. 8)

Team Matrix’s motives parallel those of Team Plasma, and I bet there’s more in common between them than that mere coincidence.

Oh, most definitely. You’ll see in a few chapters as an important realization dawns on our cast. ;D

N challenging Door must’ve been a nod to the games, and it was quite a nice battle to follow.

It was indeed! The early chapters stay close to the games, I admit. Granted, a lot of this fic tries to recapture the games (‘cause that’s a plot point), but the first, say, nine chapters or so were written when I had only a semi-solid concept in mind and when I didn’t know you could do whatever you wanted with Nuzlocke fics. XD;

Chapter 5 sure said a lot about how Geist views faux pokemon. He seems to think of them as living things for some reason,

Haha, yeeeessss, for some reason. 8) 8) 8)

can’t blame the guy tho. Also, RIP Dooreen’s hand. Still, the exchange between Door and Blair was fun; I can already see them becoming rivals. The part where Patrat bit into Wilbur’s leg was painful to read, but it was probably more painful for the tepig, am I right?

Pretty much on all counts. XD Blair’s definitely a fun character to write (when I write her), but yes, poor Wilbur. :(

I have to admit I felt sorry for Blair in chapter 6, I hope she shows up again soon.

She definitely will, don’t worry about that. :D

It was touching to see Door wanting to make up to Geist after everything she did, that’s some nice character growth for her. There was then that battle with the snivy, which was cool. But it makes me wonder why she keeps using the patrat after it basically hospitalized two pokemon.

This is a very good question! The answer is that although Door dislikes fauxkémon, she also views them as sturdier and stronger than real pokémon. Consequently, because Jack (a real oshawott) is right then her only other pokémon, she feels like she has to use Scout because using Jack would put him in danger.

The way you incorporated the plot was also interesting, with the multi dimension aspect of it and all. I wonder what’s up with the musharna that keeps bringing pokemon to the real world, amybe it’s tired of seeing android pokemon?

Thank you! And this is an interesting question as well. ;D (Alas, won’t be able to answer it until you hit Lostlorn Forest, but still!)


That said, minor update, but as you can tell, I’m still working on prepping chapters for cross-posting to the Nuzlocke forums. Currently, they’re on chapter 16, which means they’ve got some ways to go before they sync up with Serebii. By my estimates, they’ll probably sync up sometime in December, which is convenient because I’m strongly considering doing Electric Sheep for NaNoWriMo (which means I’ll have new content for both locations in January).

But to avoid leaving y’all high and dry, I will also be posting extras here as they’re written, and there will usually be an extra an arc to give Hilda and N some screentime with gym leaders and whatnot. This means the Castelia extra should drop in a couple of weeks, followed by the Nimbasa extra and the Driftveil extra. Or in other words, expect three minor updates before we get back to new content.

Thanks for your patience, everyone! :D
 

diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
All right, I caught up on this whirlwind of a fic. JFC, these chapters are killer (pun intended?). Here we go.

Door scoffed. “Okay, first off? Roland Stone doesn’t talk like that.” She straightened her back and lifted her hand in such a way that looked like she was grasping the handle of a delicate tea cup, pinky raised in the air and all.

Door's imitations of the way Roland Stone really talks is hilarious. XD

Tarzan, let’s go!”

Best nickname ever, ngl.

Wilbur smirked and grunted, then shifted on his hooves to strike pose after pose: one arm up and the other down, then both arms up and barrel chest out, then one hoof on one bicep while the other hoof curled towards his ears.

Such an elaborate battle cry but so cute... I think I have a soft spot for the tepig line now.

It was almost like watching two old friends reunite after years, Door realized—which, given the fact that Jack and Wilbur were part of the same set of starters, could very well have been true.

That, and the fact that they're both real and from the Dream World, I suppose.

Door whistled. “Geist, what level of a potion charge did you use? I can barely tell Jack took a hit!”

“Blazing god,” he breathed. “That was the first time you’ve complimented my abilities since … we met, actually.”

That's hardly what I'd call a compliment, lmao, but you know, gotta take what you can with Door sometimes. :p

“Wilbur, Rollout!” Blair shouted. “Hey, question, Door. Is Needles real or fake?”

Mixing conversations with battling is cool, but I feel that it doesn't translate as well to text. In anime or movies or whatever, you can watch the action and listen to the conversations at the same time - there's two different senses absorbing information, while, on the other hand, just reading this, I kinda keep forgetting what's happening in the battle or the conversation since they keep switching back and forth. I guess that might sound picky, but the battle/conversation does take up a good chunk of space, so I thought I'd mention it anyway.

For all intents and purposes, they’re killed, but they don’t leave behind a body or anything of the sort. They’re simply excised to the Dream World.”

I was wondering when this idea was gonna show up again... It's interesting, but poor Door. She really, really can't catch a break. (And that comment doesn't even account for the chaos that follows, jfc.)

At that, Geist stiffened, then moved until he stood in front of her. Reaching down, he gently pushed her chin up so he would look at her.

This could have a double meaning, both of which are impactful, imo. Is Door stiffening because a Companion is expressing a personal belief or because she doesn't like the idea that yamask are potentially really souls of dead people? Also, yamask was a perfect 'mon to get on her team. Her views on the dead human soul thing complement her feelings toward Companions well.

A real pokémon who by no means would ever come back.

Geist said otherwise, but I understand how Door would still be pessimistic about the idea and think that Red really will not come back. Also, I feel like the whirlpede died a bit too easily, and so did Red, but to a lesser extent. I guess that's an unavoidable byproduct of a Nuzlocke run, huh? At the very least, this should kick Door's *** into some serious self-reflection and introspection. Otherwise, things like this are going to keep happening.

It reminded me of a puppet on a set of strings, but the strings were being pulled by something … unthinking. I can’t quite describe it.

This description hits hard. I think it describes it pretty well, Lanette. :p

It was that image—of a lifeless Geist on the back of the pokémon Jack could have been someday—that did it for Door. Her next breath shook, and her body trembled violently.

BUT WHY?????????????

I suppose that, the farther in the gym circuit Door gets, the stronger 'mons get and the easier they are going to die. That makes sense, actually, now that I think about it. That, and her impulsive personality tends to set her up for disasters like these. But still. WHY???????

Please bring Geist back to us. ;o;
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
First, replies!

[spoil]
All right, I caught up on this whirlwind of a fic. JFC, these chapters are killer (pun intended?). Here we go.

WOO. 8D

Door's imitations of the way Roland Stone really talks is hilarious. XD

Haha, he’s just too easy, yanno? ;D

Best nickname ever, ngl.

I think this might be a good time to inform everyone that we are currently up to Castelia Gym in terms of edits, and the gym leaders in this version of the fic have all nicknamed their pokémon.

And I say this because Melissa’s leavanny is now named The Absolute Deification of the Unrealized Potential of Man. Yes, capital T in “the” as well.

His name is “Manny” for short.

I … I just have a lot of fun with names, okay?

Such an elaborate battle cry but so cute... I think I have a soft spot for the tepig line now.

As you should, really. They are the most adorable Fire-type starter line. (Fight me, Firebrand.)

That, and the fact that they're both real and from the Dream World, I suppose.

This too! They (and Belle’s snivy) probably hung out all the time in the Dream World.

You’re welcome. 8)

That's hardly what I'd call a compliment, lmao, but you know, gotta take what you can with Door sometimes. :p

Geist may be classy, but his standards are low by this point. :V

Mixing conversations with battling is cool, but I feel that it doesn't translate as well to text. In anime or movies or whatever, you can watch the action and listen to the conversations at the same time - there's two different senses absorbing information, while, on the other hand, just reading this, I kinda keep forgetting what's happening in the battle or the conversation since they keep switching back and forth. I guess that might sound picky, but the battle/conversation does take up a good chunk of space, so I thought I'd mention it anyway.

I hear ya. I think it’s one of the weaker points of this arc, tbqh. I really wanted to establish Blair’s character at this point and also sort of soften the blow that is Red’s death (because Bianca did kill him in-game), but at the same time, I also didn’t want to have characters infodump via dialogue as I usually do. The downside is that while I envisioned a casual battle (kinda like having a chat while playing badminton or something), it’s true that this is a more visual concept. If anything, it’d be much better to have them pause between each pokémon if I wanted to break things up a bit. And even then, I’m not sure if that would be a workable solution either without trying it. Might be something I’ll experiment with later.

In any case, not sure how much editing I’ll do to this part because you’re also correct in saying it takes up so much space of the chapter, but at the very least, I’ll know for future rival battles. ;)

Thanks!

I was wondering when this idea was gonna show up again... It's interesting, but poor Door. She really, really can't catch a break. (And that comment doesn't even account for the chaos that follows, jfc.)

Haha, wouldn’t be a good Nuzlocke if she did, yanno? ;D

This could have a double meaning, both of which are impactful, imo. Is Door stiffening because a Companion is expressing a personal belief or because she doesn't like the idea that yamask are potentially really souls of dead people? Also, yamask was a perfect 'mon to get on her team. Her views on the dead human soul thing complement her feelings toward Companions well.

Admittedly, Geist is the one who’s stiffening here. XD; And he’s doing so because Door is cringing, and he’s programmed to be sympathetic and caring towards his trainers. (idk, Lanette had really weird views of what Bill was like.)

Door, meanwhile, is cringing because Geist basically just told her she let a dude die. Door’s hierarchy of things to care about is a little weird, but it basically goes like: humans > real pokémon >>>>>>>>> fauxkémon. So in this case, you could say she’s reacting because of the latter (they’re potentially really souls of dead people), but I like your analysis too. ;)

And thank you about the yamask comment! Ikr? It’s such a great pokémon to use for morality explorations. ;D

Geist said otherwise, but I understand how Door would still be pessimistic about the idea and think that Red really will not come back. Also, I feel like the whirlpede died a bit too easily, and so did Red, but to a lesser extent. I guess that's an unavoidable byproduct of a Nuzlocke run, huh?

Pretty much, sad to say. D: Especially at a part where a lot of deaths happened all at once. D: D: D:

On the other hand, though, you do have a point that it’s a little abrupt. That was kinda sorta the intention (because Door didn’t really have a chance to train Needles—although admittedly, neither did I), but it’s true that the deerling might’ve seemed random.

At the very least, this should kick Door's *** into some serious self-reflection and introspection. Otherwise, things like this are going to keep happening.

Oh yes. There will be self-reflection. 8) 8) 8)

This description hits hard. I think it describes it pretty well, Lanette. :p

Lanette is occasionally good at words. :V

BUT WHY?????????????

I suppose that, the farther in the gym circuit Door gets, the stronger 'mons get and the easier they are going to die. That makes sense, actually, now that I think about it. That, and her impulsive personality tends to set her up for disasters like these. But still. WHY???????

*smiles sweetly*

Please bring Geist back to us. ;o;

Oh, don’t worry. Door can’t shake him that easily. ;)[/spoil]

Next, an extra! Its placement should be pretty obvious, but just in case: after the Castelia Gym and before Castelia City/the Castelia rival battle.

We're halfway to getting caught up, folks! \o/



[EXTRA #4: HALCYON TOWER]

Through the hole in her office wall, Virginia Johnson watched the sun set over her city.

Her city. Nearly ten years ago—when she was instructed by Brigette Hamilton-Hornbeam to construct a base of operations right there in Castelia City—she would have thought it was odd to refer to it as that. Yet it was practically true now. The city ran on Companions, and Virginia herself had grown to know the neon-lit depths of Castelia nearly intimately. She had done so much since relocating the headquarters of their company from Hoenn to Unova—so much that she wouldn’t have dreamed of doing back when she wasn’t much more than a secretary to Brigette herself. Yet there she was.

She hadn’t bothered fixing the hole in her wall. Normally, she would have, yes; she was a woman of details, after all. But for one, her office was still technically a crime scene, and for another, it gave her an excuse to look at her empire. Really look at it.

Not just the hole or Castelia, of course. What it meant to be a Hamilton.

When the doors opened, she didn’t bother to look back. She knew who had walked in.

“I take it none of you have found my daughter,” she said.

The first voice was familiar to her, although she had only ever heard the Unovan champion via interviews and battle footage before then. “Were we supposed to be looking?”

The second was Rosa Alvarado. “Door Hornbeam. She disappeared last night.”

“Ah, the spunky kid? I’m sure she’ll be fine. Reminds me of me when I was that age, actually.”

Virginia whirled around and narrowed her eyes at Hilda King, but as she did so, she caught sight of a man standing at the edge of the hole, right next to her. His face looked pale as he stared out at the Castelian sunset.

How did he even approach without her noticing?

“Who is this?” she demanded, fixing her eyes completely on Rosa.

“Our consultant for the Team Matrix case,” Rosa explained. “Ms. Johnson, meet N Harmonia Gropius. N, this is Virginia Johnson, CEO of Halcyon Labs.”

N said nothing, nor did he acknowledge Virginia. Virginia, meanwhile, cast a glance towards him, then shifted her eyes angrily back to Rosa.

“You brought a criminal into this case?” she hissed.

Rosa extended an arm to keep Hilda at bay. At the same time, she said, “Former. And N’s insight into the matter is invaluable. We have reason to believe Matrix is following in the direct footsteps of Team Plasma.”

Virginia slid another glance towards N. He bent down, plucking a dark blue scale from the edge of the hole. Without rising, he turned it, examining it as it caught the light and flashed in oily, rainbow colors.

“So it’s partially his fault that Team Matrix is attacking Unova,” Virginia said.

Hilda opened her mouth, but Rosa cut her off quickly.

“It’s no one’s fault but Team Matrix’s,” she said. “Ms. Johnson, we need information. We know from Hilda and N’s accounts where Team Matrix will be when, but we don’t know why.”

“Not only that, but there’s also the fact that Team Plasma didn’t kidnap people,” Hilda added, her voice low and annoyed. She jabbed her thumb at Rosa. “Alvarado tells me they took your mother-in-law. Normally, Plasma was all about pokémon theft. All of these organizations were about pokémon theft.” She hesitated. “Well, except that one in Alola, but the point is, what does Team Matrix get out of something as extreme as kidnapping?”

Virginia frowned. “Why do you think they wouldn’t? Brigette’s sister invented Companions. She had a direct hand in the development of each series, and she knows more about Companions than anyone else, including me. No one alive is more important to our endeavors than she is.”

“Which brings us to our next point,” Rosa said. “In Accumula City, Team Matrix announced their intention of freeing Companions from human control. We need to know if that’s possible.”

And then, for the first time in a long, long while, Virginia Johnson cracked a smile and a short laugh.

“Is that what they said?” she asked.

Rosa shifted on her feet, and Hilda stiffened. Neither of them took their eyes off Virginia, and because of that, she could see just how shocked they were. She couldn’t help but admit that she found it a little amusing to see both the current and former champions of Unova caught that off-guard. So she lingered on that image for a moment before continuing.

“It may be true that Team Matrix is after Companion liberation as a secondary goal,” she said. “Perhaps they evolved since their inception. I wouldn’t know, but it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You sound like you’re more than a little familiar with them,” Hilda growled.

Virginia sighed and clasped her hands behind her back. “Team Matrix is an unfortunate remnant of an old family feud taken to extreme lengths, Ms. King.” She turned on her heel to face the hole again. “This is why it’s of utmost importance that you find my daughter.”

“Oh, darling, you don’t need to worry about that!”

Suppressing a grimace, Virginia looked over her shoulder to see an all-too familiar sight walk in. Melissa, wearing a silk shawl and barely anything else, sauntered into the room. She practically floated past Hilda, who chuckled and nudged Rosa in the ribs. In response, Rosa cleared her throat.

“Melissa,” she said, “what are you—”

She waved Rosa off. “I know. Our meeting was scheduled for an hour from now, but I just couldn’t help but come a bit early, especially after I’d heard the bulletin about a certain lost soul. I thought her name sounded familiar when she and her Companion walked in!”

Virginia spun around, her eyes wide and furious. “She what?!”

Melissa clapped her hands together. “Oh, didn’t you know? Door and I had just the most wonderful battle! Her techniques are exquisite! Inspiring! My darling pokémon barely stood a chance against hers!” She finished by pressing the back of one hand against her forehead and biting the nail of her opposite thumb.

Virginia, Hilda, and Rosa stared at Melissa for a long, uncomfortable moment. Then, Virginia narrowed her eyes once more.

“How long ago was this battle?” she asked.

Melissa clasped her hands in front of her, as if in prayer. “Why, just a little over an hour ago! The second I’d heard the bulletin, I came right here! I do believe congratulations are in order, after all! That and, well. Perhaps we could arrange a meeting concerning Companion designs?”

With a sharp frown, Virginia pressed her fingers into the surface of her desk. The whole expanse lit up bright white, and she leaned in.

“Catherine,” she said, “send one of our Calliope units to the North Castelia Pokémon Center as soon as possible. Have them check the registry of trainers. If my daughter’s name is on their list, I want you to prepare yourself and a Terpsichore unit to escort me to her. Understood?”

As soon as she lifted her hand, the desk blinked, and a woman’s voice floated from it. “Of course, ma’am. Consider it done.”

The desk went silent, and Virginia strode away from it, to the door. As she passed her guests, she gave them a curt nod.

“My apologies, Agent Alvarado,” she said. “I’ll have my secondary unit Susanna compile what we know about Team Matrix and forward that information to you as soon as possible. It’s been decades since this began, and both Brigette and I had already wanted this resolved well before things escalated this far.”

“Then why didn’t you contact the International Police sooner?” Rosa asked.

Virginia’s lips shifted into the ghost of a smirk. “Because neither of us realized that some people evidently can’t be reasoned with. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

She turned to leave, but before she did, she heard another voice—one she hadn’t heard until that point.

“It’s real.”

With one last glance over her shoulder, she saw N, standing over her still-lit desk, turning the hydreigon’s scale over in his hand.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
THE RETURN OF MELISSA. Wearing something other than honey this time, which is wise and considerate of her. Best not to track that stuff indoors. It attracts ants... or something analogous. Which is good and fine in a bug gym or my house but probably still unwanted most other places. :p

Also I chuckled at N pretty much just standing there scrying into that damn hydreigon scale nearly the entire time, because he would. He effing would. Pretty neat that he managed to glean that that was a biomon from it alone, too.

(On a somewhat related note: how realistic would faux hydreigon scales be? Are the responsible facilities actually manufacturing faux pseudolegends? That's kind of terrifying, so yeah I do hope that's the case. 8D)
 

diamondpearl876

Well-Known Member
Back for the extra! I gotta say, the tension between Virginia and Hilda/Rosa/N was well written throughout. I couldn't stop reading to see if they'd be at each other's throats, literally, at some point. XD N being super creepy about the scale at the end was a nice way to end it, even though he didn't contribute much to the rest of the extra. Though it was pointed out that he was going to be mute and weird in the background the entire time, so it worked out.

The disbelief on Hilda/Rosa's part about all this being part of some family feud is realistic. From the outside, it can definitely seem like this is all an extreme reaction whatever's happened between the Hamiltons and everyone else. But on the inside, Virginia knows everything, and her smug attitude was a treat to read, not least because I know there's some details still left in the dark that I want to know about. Can't wait for the next update! Also still can't wait for Geist to come back please && thank you kindly
 

jirachiman876

The King of Kirby
So I realized I didn't even review the previous chapter. What am I doing with my life!
Anyway, so much death, so much destruction. I seem to be with everyone else that chargestone cave was indeed one of their favorite parts of Unova. Being a science guy like me, it's always interesting to see how people interpret how those rocks could float and everything. It's pretty neat.
But it does look like everything has mostly been said about the chapter already so I'll finish this half with I'm glad/sad to see Door so distraught about Geist and most of her faukemon. This will be an interesting chapter. I can't wait to see how this affects her.
Anyway, for the extra. It was pretty fun to see how Virginia seems to know everything about what's going on and i want to know too!!! I want to know how this started and what's the main reason behind this whole thing!
I don't think I have much else to comment about so I guess I'll end this here.
jirachiman out ;385;
 

Cutlerine

Gone. Not coming back.
Normally, she would have, yes; she was a woman of details, after all.

Ah yes, details. Like gaping holes in walls. This started out as a joke but honestly it's a great example of this thing you do where you really economically sketch character in a line or two. Virginia's phrasing bleeds into the narrative here, which tells us that she thinks she's a woman of details, which in turn tells us that she thinks this in response to thinking I haven't yet had the hole fixed, which in turn tells us that she considers a gaping hole in her office wall a detail. Which she goes on to treat as a chance to meditate on what it means to be a Hamilton. Which is both (a) technically one of those moments where you use free indirect discourse to mock a character, because there is definitely a touch of pomposity to Virginia's personality that invites ironic jabs (it's easier to take her seriously when she says my city than it is Roland Stone, but you know, that's never an assertion I don't struggle with), and (b) … really kinda warranted, given the way things have panned out. So in the same line, almost in the same breath, you have all these various things going on at once, and the thing about people is that they're more often than not made up of a million different contradictions going on at once, and the upshot of it all is that even just in a couple of lines, you've laid the foundations for a much more nuanced picture of Virginia than we've had to date.

That's the nice thing about this kind of narration; you can zoom in and out, so to speak, and show us both how Virginia sees herself and (by narratorial implication) how others must see Virginia. Which is a trick you make good use of here, and I always like side-chapters or extras that fill out characters like this, especially those who we got a very one-sided view of beforehand, so yeah, what I think I'm saying is that I liked this extra.
 

Chibi Pika

Stay positive
Ok I didn't realize at first that this was a new extra, and not an extra created from material cut from previous chapters! (I know that there used to be some non-Door scenes that you’re slowly editing out for the Nuz posting, so I thought this was one of them at first.) But I don’t recognize this at all. Lots of new characterization for Virginia! There's a real silent power behind everything she does, and seeing her acknowledge that outright in her thoughts really hammers it home. But it's in less of an arrogant "look at everything I own" like Roland and more like "look at what happens when you're part of a family with this kind of influence."

What interests me is the fact that Virginia already knows, this early, that all this Team Matrix stuff is happening because of the conflicts within the boxdevs after Bill's death. (Does she know who Oppenheimer is?) I guess this just highlights how some plot twists can only work when you have a completely uninvolved protagonist. xD (At least, I know I've been abusing the hell out of that principle, lol.)

But yeah, this certainly explains how Door got so suddenly cornered by her mom before leaving Castelia. And the revelation that Magdalene's Hydreigon was real... makes me wonder about the rest of her team. And where they came from. The Dream World? Or could they have been around since before the population collapse? ;)

~Chibi~;249;;448;
 
I'm clearly an idiot for doing this.

Alright, Jax, here's the deal. I started reading this one a while ago (in fact, around when it started), and I meant to leave a review then. I didn't, and now the story is huge. So I've decided to leave a review of the first 2 chapters to see how I'd like it (spoiler alert, I liked it a lot), and then leave a much, MUCH longer review at a later date. Sounds good? Awesome.

First, some general points. Door is an AWESOME reluctant hero. She's just so absolutely above it all and flat-out LAZY that I'm surprised that I like her, and yet I do.

Anyway, let's get onto some chapter specific stuff, shall we?

Chapter 1

Like many of her peers, she was old enough to go on her own journey, but unlike many of her peers, she chose not to go at ten years of age. She had her reasons. Many reasons, but mostly, they involved the fact that she knew that almost all of the pokémon on the street weren’t real. None of the ones in the region were real—or, at least, very few of them were. After decades of human development, there just wasn’t enough space for them anymore, and that was why the Unovan government, inspired by the gardens of Kalos, started experimenting with green programs and eco-friendly urban development five years ago. That was why there was a fledgling forest in every space of Nuvema City now. That was why the government was developing fauna reintroduction programs. And most importantly, that was why all trainers were restricted to a set track, on which they could only catch and train android pokémon. It was all fake, all for show, all to placate the people.

And Door would have exactly none of that.

Can I just say how friggin' awesome it is that not only do you do some good Unova world-building and establish the gimmick of the story really succinctly, but also shed a little more light on Door's personality? I like it a lot.

It would never be the same because everywhere one went in Unova, there were barriers, artificial forests, fake pokémon. All of it was just pretend—one giant theme park for the self-proclaimed eco-friendly hipsters and rich kids to indulge in.

So...basically tourist-trappy, Americanized BS? Yep, this screams 'Murica, alright.

He. The otter had a gender. Looking down, Door examined Oshawott. Her palm stroked its back, feeling his silky fur beneath her skin. The pokémon certainly looked real, but she knew he had to be fake. He was too young-looking, and no real starter had been born in Unova since … well, she didn’t know how long it had been. She just knew they were gone. So whoever designed this one must have been a master.

Shut up, he's totally real and he loves you and you will love him and protect him and give him all the pets before he inevitably dies because this is a freaking nuzlocke.

“Uh, Door?” he asked.

“Yeah, Geist?” she responded.

“There isn’t anything I should … know about Professor Ironwood, is there?”

“Nope!” Door answered.

“Are you sure? You seem to be—”

“Nope!” She flashed a wide grin over her shoulder. “Professor Ironwood would in no way be pissed off at me for any reason whatsoever! She and I are on absolutely great terms!”

He stood there, staring at her with a strange expression, just long enough for Oshawott to climb up to his shoulder. Door, meanwhile, whirled back around and marched the rest of the way out of the alley.

“Come on, guys! Lots o’ walkin’ to do! Lots. O’. Walkin’!”

And as Geist followed her, Door continued to smile, going over her plan again and again in her head. She would drop off Geist at the gate and run. No questions. No lectures. Just run.

Yep, this is so teenage-angsty that I can't help but love this conversation. It just kinda works, y'know?

Chapter 2

“I know you’re trying,” the assistant said (although Door knew that this was a blatant lie and that he did not, in fact, believe that she was trying at all), “but if you’re not willing to come to work on time every day…”

At that point, Door finally honed in on the assistant’s words. She mentally braced herself and quickly slapped together the excuse she would give her parents for why she got fired.

“…I’m going to have to…”

Door took a deep breath and silently urged him to say it.

“…call your father.”

Door blinked. Then she blinked again. That was not the it she was expecting. “I’m sorry. What?”

There is NOTHING scarier to an angsty teenager than dealing with the parents, and you capture the initial shock of Door learning that her deal old Daddykins has been notified is just great.

That is to say, Linus was most famous for churning out inventions from his little workshop in the center of town that the people of Nuvema called “fascinating” when they meant “I have no polite word to describe my incredulousness over the fact that this exists.”

You know, I know someone like this, and believe me when I say that this reaction is actually quite...understated when dealing with some of the stuff he's made. Yeah, I'd say this is accurate.

“Well, that was the most brilliant stroke of psychological manipulation I have ever witnessed,” he said.

In response, Door’s face fell. “Wait. What?”

“We knew we could count on you, Door!” Professor Ironwood said.

“What?!” she squeaked.

“Hopefully, this errand will instill on you some level of responsibility,” Ted sighed.

Door buried her face in her hands again. “What just happened?!”

Thus, Door’s journey actually began … because she was duped into it.

This may be the greatest ending to a fanfic chapter I've ever seen in my life. I love this.

Needless to say, I'm very much looking forward to reading more of this. I'm kinda curious to see how the android mechanic affects character dynamics. I'm looking forward to more.

-Phalanx, out.
 

Ambyssin

Winter can't come soon enough
Alright. I finally mustered up the chutzpah to make my way through this. I'll be honest, the title interested me. Though I read the fic's title inspiration back in high school, I'm more familiar with Blade Runner. And, full confessional here, I was initially too intimidated by the fact that you're DA BIG BOSS LADY of the forum and I was (still am, technically) the sad, sorry newbie. So I ignored this. I later saw this same thread on the Nuzlocke forums, and it took a moment to make the connection that you were also on there (no, I don't have an account). But now that I actually have some review experience, I've opted to give it a shot.

So, let me start by saying I love me some sci-fi. The world you've depicted is believable enough to make it feel like it could be what we're looking at in, say, the next century. Well, aside from the Companion bit, of course. That was a bit more of a creative liberity. But it's an entertaining one and, as far as central plot threads go, you make it work nicely. Like, had you not stated from the get-go that this is a Nuzlocke fic, I don't really think I would have realized it was. But, by that same token, it wouldn't have made a difference. Because your overarching plot focusing on Matrix and this use of supernatural Dream World phenomenon to give progress to machines through what is essentially voodoo revival of the dead is framed in an engaging way. Like, I'd previously only read Nuzlocke comics, where the plot is standard "finish the trainer quest" fare and the main character is well aware of the fact that their Pokémon are dying. And the main conflict comes with the steps taken to prevent that, or to cope with inevitable losses. But here, that element really plays a back seat to a much more engaging story about the blur between science and magic.

Which brings me to the cast. A veritable collection of unique characters. If I'm being honest, though, my level of interest in Door kind of waxed and waned as I read this. Like, there were some times when I was really invested in what she was personally going through (e.g. her trek through Castelia where she's confronting her heritage/namesake and having to deal with her parents), but there were other moments where I was a lot more interested in the stuff happening around her. Most notably, that's the case with a lot of the Team Matrix stuff; specifically Nimbasa City and Cold Storage. Then again, the way Door herself acts made me interpret it as Matrix saw her as a framing device of sorts. And Door realized that and went full snark on them. Hence, I think I came to view her in those moments as less a character, and more a framing device for all the crazy Companion-related stuff happening around her. It was also in those moments when Geist was acting a lot different from the snarky, wise-cracking "helper aide." In fact, it would almost be like those two switched places, so to speak. I know the whole man vs. machine theme is promiment here. So, it seems to me like this was all intentional. Which would mean that you pulled it off quite spectacularly.

As for the chapters themselves, uh... gonna have to split it up b/c character limit. GG, Amby. =_="

[SPOIL]Ch 1
You've got a captivating intro here, that uses a very obtuse (but creative) way of setting up a chase scene. I like the pattern with one word sentences, followed by extended descriptions. Almost like you're trying to appeal to different senses. That pales in comparison, of course, to the world you wind up setting up immediately following this. I'll skip over the fact that, of all the regions, Unova just feels like the type of region where this kind of scenario would fit the best. Because what impresses me most is that not only does the narration give me a pretty clear sense of Door's contrarian attitude and behavior (and how it puts her at odds with her own restlessness and cabin fever), it simultaneously paints this imposing sensation about the Unovan gov't and its officials while telling them (and the whole android bit) off with sprinkles of snark and attitude that really hammer Door's disgust at the whole system.

In contrast, our introduction to Door's Oshawott and partner (and Geist) is a far cry from the usual starter obtaining. Creative liberties are fun, aren't they? I got a kick out of Door's reaction to the Companion, since, despite it seeming to be big and imposing, it's still made to look like a human, so it's not like she's facing down some sort of terrifying monster. Which makes the fact that she (sorta) kept her wits about her enjoyable. And made it all the more hilarious when she totally loses her cool at Geist's request to go to Ironwood's.

“Nope!” She flashed a wide grin over her shoulder. “Professor Ironwood would in no way be pissed off at me for any reason whatsoever! She and I are on absolutely great terms!”

He stood there, staring at her with a strange expression, just long enough for Oshawott to climb up to his shoulder. Door, meanwhile, whirled back around and marched the rest of the way out of the alley.

“Come on, guys! Lots o’ walkin’ to do! Lots. O’. Walkin’!”
This in particular just made me laugh. Real smooth, Door. Real smooth.

Ch 2
Truth be told, Door was not. She was looking at her boss, yes. She stood straight, with her hands out of her pockets and her gaze locked onto his sharp, thin face, but she was not, in fact, listening to a single nasally word he said. Still, whenever he paused, she nodded, occasionally throwing in a short “mmhmm” to make it sound more like she was.
A+, 10/10. Door's more teenager than any teenager I've ever read in a Pokémon fic. She pretends to listen just like we all do! The pseudo-conversation that the narration helped carry with the assistant backed this part up, too.

And oh my god, Linus. Just... just Linus's introductory bio there. I never realized how much I needed an eccentric inventor-type character running a PC in Pokémon game until this bit. Now I want Game Freak to make it happen. Meanwhile, I really should've realized that Bianca is the absentminded professor in this scenario, but I did not make that connection. Which shows how good a reader I am. :V

“Oh? My Door?” Linus asked. “What did she do?”
You know, I sometimes find myself wondering that about my doors, too. Especially when they just randomly shut and I'll stop now.

“I can’t believe you’re really turning this down,” Linus added with a chuckle. “Aren’t you always talking about going on some epic adventure?”

“Are you kidding me?! No, I’m not!” Door’s cheeks burned.
Lies! Lies and slander! No, but in all seriousness, I do like how Door's whole reaction to this is basically, "Ugh, busywork!" Because that's exactly what a teenager would think. And having it turn out that Linus basically tricked her into doing this is even better. Her reaction just totally sells it. A beautiful mix of incredulousness and self-loathing that is just, y'know, so teenager-like it almost hurts.

Ch 3
Oh, Geist, you fool. Don't you know you can't reason with teenagers? If Door hates Opal, she's gonna keep hating Opal. That said, their weird little fluffy moment was a bit odd. Feels like Opal's taking the term "companion" a bit too literally. Hope she's not going to turn into a love machine, or I'm totally eating my words here. Actually, I know this was the big Route 1 encounter (and obligatory tackle battle, to boot), but Geist kind of stole the show here. His perennial upbeat attitude played great against Door's dour, "I wish I was anywhere else but here," brand of whining. And that Poké Ball toss at the end just reeks of style. Door's disbelief really sells it there, if you ask me.

Ch 4
Nice going, Door. Way to flip out about androids in the middle of public. Here I had her pegged as more of an inner monologue type of character. But, that doesn't seem to be the case. Whoops. Then again, Opal's quickly trying to reach Rotom-Dex levels of annoying. Now that would definitely be a reason to get upset.

“No, seriously. Don’t do this,” she said. “It’s bad enough I had to tell you exactly why I hate Companions. You might as well just come right out and say it.”
You know, when I saw Geist sympathize with Opal last chapter, this thought kind of spurted up in my head but I dismissed it super quickly, figuring that even if it was true, it was a twist you were saving for later. But here it is, getting dragged up the very next chapter. I'm not disappointed, if that's what you’re thinking. I feel like the easy thing to do writing something like this would have been to design Geist that way and make the "shocking" reveal at some point. But having it play out this way, with Door interrogating him like he did something wrong and Geist just giving awfully earnest (but somewhat confused) answers. It definitely sets up a much more interesting role for him down the line. Not to mention, again, considering how she's been acting, it's totally in-character for her to pounce on the Companion issue while it's fresh in her mind. Guess she's got more of an impulsive streak than I figured. It's all especially interesting since it gets tied into our not-Team Plasma of this story. I think it's cool that the overall focus is on androids, since your world allows Matrix's goals to move beyond just the Pokémon and set it apart from your average BW story.

But then N gets thrown into the mix, when I was expecting some sort of N equivalent for the Companions. Except he's already gone through the events of BW, and he's actually using real Pokémon. And he's sufficiently bizarre in his minimalistic interactions with Door. I'm not surprised he revealed that Oshawott is flesh-and-blood. I had an impression that that would be the case since the 1st chapter. That, of course, sets up more mysteries about all this stuff. But I'm sure it'll come around in due time.

Ch 5
You know, it’s so funny that Door insists android Pokémon aren’t real. Because they are real, in the sense that they’re made of matter and occupy a volume in the world. Geist’s kind of trying to apply that logic. By which I mean he’s not really applying it at all and trying to shut her up by annoying her with terse responses. And I love it. Blair’s the meat of this chapter, though. I’m not sure what I was expecting her. Like, if she’s Bianca’s niece I was expecting some ditziness (the outfit definitely sells that). But she’s also got a bit of Cheren in her with her snark, self-confidence, and pride in her battling abilities.

“Probably. But what should I care? It’s none of my business,” Blair responded
Yup, everything checks out here. *sips tea*

What I think I really like about this introduction is that Blair seems to make Door even feistier. That might not make sense. Uh… basically, Door calls Blair a little brat, but she’s slinging insults and whining and pouting like she’s a bit of a childish brat, too.

“I’m standing right here, you know,” Door growled. “And what kind of name is Wilbur anyway?”

Blair huffed. “It’s a great name if you actually read once in awhile!”
Blair used Sick Burn! … It’s super effective!

On the other hand, Door’s swerve into hesitation toward attacking Wilbur feels quite believable with the premise that’s been established. Like, I know the Nuzlocke bit was mentioned at the start of this, but I find myself not paying attention to that because you sell the “android Pokémon could just straight-up put normal Pokémon in a coffin if you’re not careful,” bit. And I have this funny feeling that, even though Door insists she’s just playing along with Geist, she won’t be faking it for long.

Ch 6
Man, Door’s really ruminating on this man vs. machine stuff, isn’t she? I mean, I guess I don’t blame her. The opening bits of the narration felt a bit roundabout to me. Maybe it’s because it was casually stated earlier that her family’s the Companion creators? So, to me, it made the introductory stuff feel like a, “well, duh,” sort of moment. Maybe that was the intention, but I also felt a bit like the story had assumed I’d already forgotten about why she’d be so familiar with Companions. Eh, I’m nitpicking here.

“God, you must think I’m a jerk.”

Geist knitted his eyebrows. “Not really. I think you’re a teenager.”
You always know just what to say, Geist. Blunt, but effective.

I like the following conversation more. Mostly because it seems like Geist is kind of coyly trying to play a faculty mentor (of sorts) to Door. SHe even sort of calls him out on it, but Geist is too cool of a customer.

“I was told they dream of electric sheep.”
Roll credits!

I like (what I’m assuming is) the take on Cheren’s battle in the trainer school. Mind-screwy Dream Mist apparitions are a pretty cool, psychedelic element to introduce in what’s been set up as a much more technical-oriented world. And look at all this casual PC admin stuff you’ve got going on. In retrospect, I now understand why these characters are here like that. ;)

And oh my god, with this title, I suppose I should’ve figured dreams might end up playing a role in this. But I never would’ve thought you’d not only present the Dream World as an uncontrollable entity, but one that could very well be reshaping the dynamics of your Unova through oddball dream portal phenomenons. That’s totally wild, maaaaaaan! I’m very curious as to how this whole Dream World is going to spill over into Door’s impromptu adventure. My initially guessing game skills makes me believe that there’s a connection to Team Matrix and its ilk. But I may be seeing smoke where there’s no fire. Also, the focus that Scout’s gotten over Jack makes me think his death is imminent, but that’s just my experience reading Nuzlocke comics, I fear.

Extra #1
Aw man, it’s so strange reading an old-man N. And interacting with an old Hilda, no less. And the fact that they’re going to be trailing Door creates a big sense of intrigue. Not to mention what I’m guessing is the connection b/w Team Matrix and Team Plasma. I mean, the goals are kind of similar, but one’s machine-oriented.

Ch 7
Yas, you make the Striaton Gym into a pretentious, hoity-toity restaurant. I’m not aloooooone! *tears of joy*

“We’re in a French restaurant.”

“Beyond that.”

“We’re in a very pretentious French restaurant.”
Door has clearly learned much from working for Professor Ironwood. Also, Bebe’s a party girl apparently. I’ll make a note of that. *draws scirbbles on scratch paper*

Onto the battle and wow did someone overgrind. Scout disposes of his foe without even breaking a sweat. The second one had quite a bit more going on, and I do like the use of more generalized descriptors beyond simple moves (like some tossing and throwing going on). Not to mention Pomme getting straight up blasted into the light fixtures and lit up like a Christmas tree. That was pretty great.

My only criticism is don’t be afraid to use a variety of techniques. You were relying on Crunch quite a bit throughout your second match. A great trainer knows how to hold back their power and rely on a variety of moves to outwit their opponent.”
Variety of moves? Pffffbt, what do you think this is, the Pokémon anime? XD

Ch 8
AHHHHH Geist really is a companion! This is the part where I’d say, “I knew it,” and laugh triumphantly. But I was actually kind rooting for him to be human and just screwing with Door. That’s okay, though. The absolute casualness with which the reveal was made was totally amusing. And then there’s more AHHHHH with the reveal of Bill’s apparent fate. No way that’s not factoring into the story in some ways. I’ve got to say that the whole Dreamyard was ratcheted up to be way more dramatic than it actually is in the games proper. It kind of all blended together for me because I wasn’t entirely sure what sort of evil was happening here other than a Munna was getting abused for Dream Mist again. But Starr and Belle reappeared and, call me crazy, but Belle has a pseudo-Harley Quinn routine going on here that’s really bizarre to read. And also makes Door’s snarky comments about it pretty funny, to boot. But despite the higher-stakes situation, the ending bit with the Audino was an effective bit of mood whiplash, basically defusing any of the lingering tension.

Ch 9
The truth about Blair comes to light! I wasn’t expecting that, to be honest. I don’t really think I’ve read trainer fics with “deadbeat rivals,” if I can even call Blair that. But it’s a unique tidbit and the girls are able to start off on a better foot (though I’ll miss their bickering). Also, maybe I missed this earlier but holy PC admins, Batman. Door’s related to Bridgette? This is totally ridiculous. She should technically know who all the admins are and whatnot. Actually the backstory is all so very shocking. Maybe it’s because of the sheer volume that’s just been foisted onto me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have the information a sense of direction about this stuff (especially Geist and Team Matrix), but holy guacamole it’s a lote to digest. Not to mention the bit with Bridgette apparently being not much of a family woman. I get that not all the admins were going to be saints (even if you do like them), but I had always thought she was a nice, reasonable person. About the only thing I think I expected was that Geist is the prototype filled with possible experimental tech that Matrix could definitely be after.

And now, Door knew her as something else: as the woman who made a robot butler that looked exactly like a dead man.
Boy howdy, THAT’S a hell of a wham line right there. My god. It might be a bit convoluted but it’s definitely very interesting. However, it does address a bit of a gripe. The information is important (it’s setting up a big part of the story) and having it all together is very interesting. But, of course, it’s delivered in the form of Exposition: The Chapter. This chapter’s already been rewritten, and you’re definitely a better writer than I. I’m not really sure what I can say other than some future unnamed readers in the future might appreciate something to break up the pace of exposition chunks. Door’s occasional shocked comments or questions didn’t quite do that for me. I thought I had to point it out because it did drag on considerably longer than I was expecting.

What I mean to say, reader, is my name is Cassius Cassine, and in the following files, I’m going to walk you through everything you need to know to fix Bill McKenzie’s biggest mistake.
This, in contrast, had me a lot more engaged. Not that you’re really in a position to change this to Door moving through files. But this end bit was definitely the most interested part of the exposition for me.

Extra #2
Oh my god that lemony narrator at the start. Just… yes. All the yes. And equal amounts of that to Hilda’s Emboar being all “lol nope nice try” to Sautee. XD

And yeah, the fact that this is all apparently following the BW story strokes, and the characters from that are AWARE and CONCERNED about this happened has me very curious what the plan is for that.

Ch 10
Pfffffbt. She named her Audino “Knives.” Mortal terror, ladies and gentlemen!

Door slipped her hands behind her head and cast a smirk back at the other trainer. “I’m sure I can teach her how to be a vicious killer.”
We’re doomed.

Aww, look at Door actually being all mentor and big sister to Blair. We’ll make a Professor out of her yet, dang it! Also, her team’s all normal-types right now. So, she’s very vanilla. I’ll shut up now.

So, rather than generic grunts, looks like Belle and Starr are getting recurring roles of sorts. I don’t mind. Certainly better than a bunch of generic grunts, if you ask me.

“First of all, shut up. Second, you didn’t look that dangerous.”
But she’s wielding Knives! *ba-dum-tssssssh*

THe battle itself, despite being early-game and thus being limited in its scope, was frantic just like the Dreamyard. With Door attempting to hold the fort against Belle while Blair (surprisingly) gets the jump on Starr. Like, dang, that was quite the turnaround from her “whoa is me” routine she was just going through at the start of things. And then it ends with a mad scramble for the exit. It was one of those situations where you’d expect a casualty but nope, didn’t happen. Also, even though it’s a brief text file, I see Lanette’s messiness and disorganization carries over to her text documents. XP

Ch 11
Door is so determined to keep Geist at an arm’s length. Bless your heart, you sweet, stubborn little teenager. No, but seriously, maybe you’re just drawing from your own experiences (or I’m vaguely recalling my own behaviors), but you write such a believable teenager. Like, of course Door would ruminate on that Patrat being real. Because living vs. androids is at the forefront of her actions. Also, I see she’s not a fan of early-game trainer battles. But really, who is?

“Because I’m your Companion.”
Relationship Upgrade Unlocked! *level-up jingle* I’m so glad I got to make that joke at least once. XD

And, hooray! Evolutions! Except Jack’s still an Oshawott. Though, I guess that’s your gameplay being shifted to match the storyline. As in, Jax is holding back using Jack, because in-universe Door doesn’t want her real Pokémon getting hurt. Thus, he has the least experience and arrgh I think I gave myself a headache.

Think of it like hitting puberty, only instantaneous and directly tied to your actions.
Why can’t it work this way in real life?! D:

Anyway, after the last few chapters together, it was a bit bittersweet seeing Blair and Door part. Like, I knew it had to happen. At the same time, despite Blair’s insistence that it’s to get stronger on her own and not hold back Door, I personally do think she’s afraid of Belle and trying to keep herself out of trouble. But that’s just me.

Ch 12
Maybe this is minor, but I like your updating of Nacrene to have, essentially, a bypass. Because bypasses are things popping up all around America, and are seen as a way to stay in “good parts” of cities but avoid bad parts. It’s kind of sad seeing it in Nacrene, as I liked that particular town and how tranquil it was. But, hey, it got me thinking at least.

Door jammed her hands into her pockets. “Or. You know. Common sense.”

“You’ll be surprised to know how rare that actually is.”
It’s kind of sad how true this rings. :/

Oh my god, Door actually meets Hilda. And Door has a slight fangasm moment. The “Door really wanted to kill Geist,” bits were just hysterical. This is definitely not how I imagined a meeting like this going. But it’s great. *scribbles “exceeds expectations” onto the fic report card*

She tends to wander around now, but maybe someday, you’ll run into her
I wonder if this is important?

“N, it’s okay,” she said. “Reshiram and Zekrom, they’re—”
Gee, I wonder if this is important?

And, of course, N’s gotta use the moment to be a complete creeper. But I do like the different perspectives here. Door's stubborn insistence on using Scout. Geist begging her to stop. Hilda insisting she stop. And N just talking about voices again like the space cadet he is. And her refusal to listen to anyone's help and her constantly saying she's got this. And man, it's entertaining seeing Hilda lecturing Door on androids and Door visibly trying not to snap at her. Just when you think that maybe she's going to get through to Door...

“Door!” he called “Wait! There’s something you need to know about the Nacrene Gym! It—”

She walked right into the pokémon center without even stopping to look back at Geist. For all intents and purposes, she simply acted as if he hadn’t said anything at all. Realizing she was ignoring him, Geist lowered his hand and sighed.

“It … doesn’t open until ten,” he muttered.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

Extra #3
Oh, hey, Rosa already. That didn't take long. And N just continues to be weird. What makes it funnier is imagining him doing all of this as a shabby old man. Just... good grief.

Ch 13
“Door,” Geist sighed, “you fought one of these things last night. Literally last night.”
Door pays about as much attention as the teens sitting in the back of their classes at school, I see.

“I understand why you’re uncomfortable with Companions, and all I can say is I can’t force you to like me or the situation you’re in. As I’ve been telling you, it’s my job to do all that I can to guide you, but if that’s not possible, then fine. Do what you will.”

She stared at him for a few beats. And then, she shrugged, turned back around, and walked deeper into the grass. “Cool.”

Geist jumped. “I … really, Door?!”
Given Geist's penchant for smart-alecky remarks, I'm surprised he didn't see this coming. But, oh my goodness, it's like Door's ratcheting up her ardent refusal to acknowledge Geist. I guess the Companion link-up reveal somehow soured their relationship even more than already possible. But then you make the decision (and honestly why didn't I see this coming?) to tie that recent speed bump into an impromptu gym battle. I really like the idea, although it seems more like something Blaine would do than Lenora (or her granddaughter). I'm going to play along with Sophia, just for funsies! I swear these are my first guesses.

1st riddle: chess pieces (well, close enough to a chess set, I'd say. And Door totally froze up.)
2nd riddle: uh, the word "out?" (nope, clocks. Though they do have hands, don't they? Door certainly gets pissed at this quickly.)
3rd riddle: quiet (I guess that's close enough to silence?)
4th riddle: fire
5th riddle: yeah, I really didn't know what to say for this one. ^^;
6th riddle: a lighthouse (nope, way off)

And apparently "Lenora's" dreaded Watchog claimed a victim. Another Watchog. How appropriate. There was a delay, of course, but it looks like my predicition for Scout ended up coming true after all. I've seen too much Nuzlocke stuff, clearly.

7th riddle: puzzles (or riddles. As you can see, I'd lose this gym battle, or need my Companion)

Ch 14
Geist is quite pissed about what happened to Scout, clearly. But it looks like Door was really just that ignorant. And then when she learns the truth she lapses into her familiar "they're not real," routine. And then Belle just drops in and sucks all the tension out of the air with a pantomime routine. Brilliant.

“Like I care.” Door stepped forward and pulled out one of her poké balls. “Hand over the skull, or I’m gonna beat you into next Tuesday.”
"Oh, so sorry, but my calendar's actually booked through the end of the next week. How does two weeks from Wednesday sound to you?"

I'm going to admit, Belle's whole riddle me this routine confused me for a bit. So, they don't want the skull? And Belle is apparently just a crazy little creep with a wild streak. Certainly different than your usual villainous grunt, I suppose. I'm left with more questions than answers here. But I get the feeling that this Magdalene person is someone I've met already. I'm just not entirely sure who. Maybe she's related to one of the PC admins? Maybe Bebe or something? I don't know.

Ch 15
Aww yeah, Rosa's with Interpol. She's channeling Nate from PokéSpecial; I can dig it. It's interesting that she and Geist are theorizing that Matrix are just playing Plasma expies to lure Door into some sort of scenario that could (presumably) awaken Zekrom. That's totally crazy. I like the possible red herring idea that's brought up with Blair getting roped in, and Door just being there by pure coincidence. And the idea of summoning a Legendary and taking advantage of the region's general lack of real Pokémon is certainly quite a thrilling (and frithening gesture).

You certainly go out of your way to make Halcyon Labs seem like that imposing, nebulous science corporation that just sits there imposingly, like we were in a sci-fi movie.

She wanted to ask why he looked so resentful. Sure, she knew. She had, after all, intentionally spoken about him as if he was just a thing, and to be perfectly fair, she wasn’t in the least bit sorry about that. He was a thing. Period.
Woooooow, Door's jerkass tendencies are really getting turned up to the max. It's certainly interesting. Usually by the point of the first death you see the Nuzlocke protagonist sober up a bit and start to take things seriously. But Door's moved entirely in the opposite direction. Getting more indurant and more annoyed at everything happening. It's definitely a bold move, but I think it pays off because of the contentiousness you portray in these scenes. I don't like Door's attitude and I do want someone to slap some sense into her. And I think that's what you were going for.

“The quote is,” he said, “‘If you have the ability to do something good, you might as well do good. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life how you could have made the world a little brighter.’ And she never said it. She believed it, though.”
Considering this is a somber-ish moment, I'd be remiss not to point out that there's a word missing between the "life" and "how" in that second sentence.

With that said, given how contentious things were getting, having Matrix crash the HQ was perfect timing, and is quite the shocking swerve, especially since I (as a reader) was prepared for an exposition-heavy meeting with Door's extended family.

Ch 16
Now this particular Castelia hostage situation is far more tense than the one for the actual games. It's got gravitas behind it. And then you have Belle who's not taking the situation seriously at all. I mean, good grief; what's her deal, huh? In stark contrast, Lady Mags here is much more serious. She's perched on a Hydreigon, which makes me think she's the Ghetsis, but her actions make her more like N. So, I like that she's taking elements of both the main antagonists.

“The quote is,” he said, “‘If you have the ability to do something good, you might as well do good. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life how you could have made the world a little brighter.’ And she never said it. She believed it, though.”
Have I mentioned Door is great at navigating these tense situations? I might've been exaggerating that claim...

It's definitely telling that Door would rather go through Matrix's shenanigans in an effort to protect Blair, then listen to her own mother and save herself. I'm not 100% sure what it tells, exactly, but it's certainly more interesting than just your awkward, frosty greeting between mother and daughter. But, it turns out that doesn't end up lasting for very long. Because Geist's going along with it. And they've even patched things up ever-so-slightly. I'll take the limited progress!

“I was, but there are more important things at stake here. Sometimes, it’s best to set aside personal feelings to do what’s right,”
Man, Geist sometimes feel more human than Door. I'm guessing that's the point. XP

Ch 17
oh my god you actually did a gag with the honey.

Placing her hands on her hips, Door frowned. “So his apprentice just copied his work? That’s nice.”

“No. More like paid tribute to it,” Geist said. He kept his eyes on Door as he walked her down another path to another six-walled chamber. There, he pressed yet another gate post and added, “Honey is a versatile medium, you know.”
"Hey man, can I copy your homework real quick?"
"Sure, just don't make it look too obvious or anything."

“Oh sweet Jesus, why?!” Door barked.

“Relax,” Geist said as he leaned her way. “She’s wearing a leotard.”

She covered her eyes. “I’m pretty sure she isn’t, Geist! I’m pretty sure that’s just honey!”

Geist straightened his back and shrugged. “I tried to warn you.”

“By telling me honey was a versatile medium?! What’s wrong with you?!”
Everything wrong with abstract art, summarized very succinctly. I'm with Door here, to be honest.

Okay, on the one hand, look! Door's listening to Geist, finally and she doesn't leave Storm out against a Dwebble. On the other hand, holy cow this is Innuendos: The Chapter: The Novelization. Gotta put that rating to good use, am I right? :V

“Um. Where did you pull that out of?”
And we're done here!

Extra #4
Oh, so it would seem Door's more intimately connected to Team Matrix than I thought. From the sounds of family fued, it only makes me thing that, again, there's a PC admin (or former or relative or whatever) working behind-the-scenes for Team Matrix. And then N's just being... N. But apparently GhetsisDENNIS' Hydreigon lives! Dun-dun-daaaaaaaah!

Ch 18
Or, rather, she knew that everything was odd about it, but none of its oddness explained how quickly everything was going. Three badges in less than a week. Had anyone in Hilda King’s day done that?
Player character acknowledges how quickly a Pokémon game can actually be beaten in real life. :V

How quickly we've moved from Door resenting Geist, to Door accepting his help, to now Door asking for his help in dealing with the Nimbasa Gym. I'm surprised with the pace of that progress, but it looks like Door's had her big "growing up" moment, and now we're seeing the results.

“Jesus!” she hissed as she shook her head. “The coffee around here sucks.”
One day, I will find a trainer fic that doesn't make the coffee in the centers abysmal. Today is not that day, but I'm hopeful it will happen!

Aw snaps! Mom caught up. And... aw snaps, she wants to battle? Awright, we're Norman-tier now! I do like that this is really the first battle where we get to see some differential terrain employed. And having Knives use the hard light projections to deal with the Munna was a neat touch. Having Virginia simulate Blair's team was also interesting, and an odd, off-kelter way to do the Castelia rival battle, for sure. At least it paved the way for Door to make up with her mom. Again, I'd expected this to be an ongoing conflict, but it's wrapped up swiftly.

Ch 19
Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That bit with the Darumaka was one of the funniest cases of "Nuzlocker doesn't get the first encounter they wanted," I've seen in awhile. But the good times end quickly because, predictably, Relic Castle turns into a spoopy-scary situation. There's a pretty tense atmosphere with the darkness and the Yamask. But then you introduce the Sigilyph. And then it's Geist to the rescue. Remind me who the hero is in this story, again? This ended up turning into a rather impressive chase scene. Like something out of a horror movie. Which I guess is pretty decent for a Sigilyph being based on ancient glyph/ruin things and thus giving off that "cursed for all eternity" type of mentality. Of course, this all serves as a guise of sorts for revealing there's more to Geist than meets the eye.

By which I mean, he's definitely a Transformer. Maybe not Optimus, but he's gotta be high up there.

Ch 20
It's always interesting to see how you end up developing the different areas and making them change from their in-game descriptions. And Join Avenue being remade from the ground-up for hipsters? Pretty hilarious. I mean, hipsters are the only ones who appreciated Join Avenue in B2W2 anyway, aha ha ha ha. But, of course, this is Door. And Door doesn't do casual, so we're going to the shady, sketchy place instead.

“You wanna stop staring at me like that? It’s really creeping me out,” Door asked.

“I don’t know,” Geist replied. “Do you want to tell Jack to stop trying to sneak up on me?”
You know they love each other, because Door's trying to kill him. <3 <3

“But it’s not like I would get killed, right? You’ve just got to keep your eyes peeled. Walk with purpose.” She pulled away from Geist and started down the alley. “You know. Be smart about it.”
I tell this myself every time I go beyond midtown, Manhattan. It doesn't work.

“My dear Door,” he said, “you said so yourself: I’m not capable of feeling real emotion.” He leaned towards her. “That includes arrogance.”
Geist is a precious smartass. Really a treasure. Actually, this whole Join Avenue tidbit is basically the two of them bickering like a couple in a sitcom. At least until the conversation with his enhanced possibilities and lack of knowledge about his structural framework. Good times don't last, however, because Belle's back. I thought Interpol had swooped her up, but she must've escaped. And this time they're actually able to get the drop on things. And here I thought Join Avenue would mean a breather chapter. Guess I was wrong.

Ch 21
Now that's a heck of a way to start off a chapter. Taking the BW gym locale and turning it into an abandoned roller coaster alley gives off creepy Monster Clown/abandoned amusement park vibes straight out of horror movies. Not to mention it's a very clever way to reframe the route 4 rival battle and the N fight. I feel like battling in low-lighting situations isn't really something we get to see too much of in Pokémon medium, so this was cool to read. As was the mobility issues brought up by the roller coaster and its track. Knives trick with the ball of light was particularly nifty and I got this "barely avoiding fall off a cliffside" feel from that stunt. Likewise the impromptu use of Jack's scalchop as a blockade. Always fun to see Pokémon using their appendages in outside-the-box ways. The Sigilyph was the scene-stealer for Belle. Not necessarily because any of its moves were all that amazing. Just on the virtue that you describe its movements in such an abnormal, almost alien manner that it really plays up the unnatural Sigilyph elements that you'd teased us with in ch 19.

But, of course, after that very extended action sequence (which you kept unique enough to make the whole thing entertaining; I'm given to understand that can be a bit tricky to pull off), rather than an escape an a reunion, she's pulled aside by our resident Big Bad. And you certainly do your darndest to make him as well-intentioned, pious, and holy as you can while keeping a bit of sinister unease in everything that he's saying. I think part of it is Door's naturally angry reaction to everything. Her hotheadedness plays well with Oppenheimer's cool customer routine. And don't think I didn't notice that "her companion," tidbit. D'aww, she really does care about Geist now. :3

And tying this all in to opening up the Dream World portal in the Entralink is very cool, and quite literally invoking the "dream" bit of that famous sci-fi short story. Also, given Oppenheimer's explanation of who plays what roll, I'm reeeeeaaaaaaally starting to think our Electric Messiah is Bill... or at least is strongly related to him in some way...

“A … a lost soul?” she whispered. “You’re raising the dead?!”

Oppenheimer reached for his walking stick and took its head in one of his hands. “I suppose you could look at it that way.”
Okay it's definitely Bill...

Door's "ZAMBIES!" routine kind of took all the dramatic tension out of that wham line though. If that's what you were going for, mission accomplished. <.<;

And apparently Hilda and Rosa kept the dragons this whole time, huh? Boy, I bet they feel great having lived in Master Balls for half a century...

Also, Team Matrix stole the dead Scout? Because they're going to bring it back to life as a ROBOT ZOMBIE PIRATE GHOST. I'm going to be honest with you though, the ending, though nice in the sense of adding some more substance to Geist's and Door's relationship, dragged a bit for me. Maybe it's because of just how much higher-stakes the rest of the chapter was. I don't really think they could be separated or anything, it's just strange that, it felt like Oppenheimer's departure was a natural stoppoing point, but instead things continued into an extended debrief.

Ch 22
Dear God, Knives is turning into a serial killer. Of all the personalities...

“Long ago, old, probably white guys decided that trainers can’t carry more than six pokémon. I don’t know why. Grandma or Dad probably explained it, but frankly, I wasn’t listening. The point is, if a trainer caught more than six, those extra pokémon needed someplace to go, so an old, dead guy and my aunt, Lanette, invented a way to store them on the internet using forbidden black magicks or something. I might not have been paying attention to that either. Long story short, Liepard’s safe but uploaded to a computer. Understand?”
10/10 best PC system explanation in the history of Pokémon.

Also, dang, Lostlorn Forest has seen better days. Blown up to hell and back again. Anyway, Geist is back and we're getting some more details about his schematics and how it might tie into Team Matrix. See, this general content makes me feel like it would've gone better in conjunction with the post-Matrix stuff in the previous chapter. Since it seems like a natural follow-up/extension of it. But, eh, I guess that's just me. The dream bubbles were definitely a sufficiently creepy factor, though.

“Okay,” he said. “Stay calm and move slowly. If we take things easy, then perhaps—”

The venipede stretched their mouths open and emitted a deafening screech, shortly before rushing for the human and her Companion.

“Plan B!” Door said, whirling around. “Run away!”
RUN AWAY!

Oh hey, the new Pokémon are getting in on the action too. Go team! A Pokémon stampede is pretty interesting, gotta say.

“Wait,” Door said, her eyebrows furrowing. “You mean to tell me you brought Zekrom out, and I missed it?!”

Geist frowned. “And you call the dragon of ideals Zappy?”
Geist has his priorities straight, I see. Also, Zappy is almost as good a nickname as Turbine Butt. I say almost, but I mean I'm ahead by three country miles. ;)

“Of course he is,” Geist replied. “It would be rather tacky of Halcyon Labs to create a yamask fauxkémon, you know, what with its rumored connection to the dead.”

“And you knew?!” Door snapped.
Again, Geist clearly has his priorities straight.

Ch 23
I like the atmosphere on the catwalk here. High-intensity, pumping energy. Just what I (kind of) imagined happening in B2W2.

Luckily, I’ve thought this through, and seeing as I can’t use sandile to take down her other signature pokémon, we’ll have to settle for Plan B: Knives all the way.
A great strategy, this truly is. *Yoda nod*

Even though it's a small detail, tieing the customizable field into a little bit of homesickness on Door's part (something which really hasn't come up since the very, very beginning) was a nice touch. Also, I see Elesa's Pokémon are all named after fashion designers (Coco Chanel, Giorgio Armani) because of course they are. I'm amazed I caught that, actually. XD

“And how is that fair?!” Door snapped.

Geist shrugged. “Because it’s legal.”
Every competitive battlers' worst nightmare: switching moves. Alternatively, "It's totally fair if I switch my Pokémon, but not if my opponent does!"

As to the battle itself, ooh la la! Attract actually getting put to use by the hero instead of being used against them. Also, dang, Armani went down surprisingly quickly. Knives' victim count just keeps piling up, the little devil. Actually wait, Knives serious tanked the whole battle? I mean, I know Audino have a lot of HP (and Potion spamming is totally a thing) but good god, I have a hard time believing an Audino made it through all that abuse and didn't die. Willful suspension of disbelief couldn't quite buy that one.[/SPOIL]
 

Ambyssin

Winter can't come soon enough
Con't from above:
[SPOIL]Ch 24
Aww, poor Blair. This is much to take in for a girl.

“Sorry, Door. Your explanations take a bit too long.”

Door reached over to punch him lightly in the arm. “My explanations, Mr. Exposition?”
That moment when the badass exposition fairy criticizes your exposition skills.

“Yeah.” Door grinned. “Crazy, right? That might be a little bit of why Team Matrix is—”

Blair pulled away and threw her hands into the air. “Nope! Nope! I’m done! Opal, we’re leaving.”
To be fair, that's probably how I'd react too.

We've got a bit of insight for Blair. She's leaning much more into Bianca territory compared to her Cheren-like demeanor in her introduction. We've come full circle and we're only halfway there!

“Oh, Doreen! All of this is too much for me to handle! Can my sweet little tepig battle? Whatever will I do?” She placed her hands on her hips, tossed her head, and lowered her voice. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll protect you. I am so cool. And single, by the way.”
Awwww, snaps!

At this point I think I can safely characterize Belle as just one of those "love to hate" characters. Like, did you intend to write her as an anarchist? Because that's kind of the way I feel about her.

“Your cute little Scout is going to be our first test,” Belle explained. “To create life out of nothing. To give organic form to the inorganic. That’s just one part of our ultimate goal, you know.”
Oh, trying to convert silicon to carbon-based life, huh? What could possibly go wrong? (Everything.)

Also, imagining Starr "singing" (read: speaking lyrics in monotone) is straight-up creepy. Especially since that's a Kubrick reference, I think?

Ch 25
Door can be such an ungrateful little teenager sometimes. Here everyone's trying to help her out and she's just a massive grump. In other words, she's so perfectly in character it almost hurts.

“Yeah, um, the gym leader isn’t Clay,” Blair said. “Hello? It’s Roland Stone, heir to Devon Corp? Head of Devon’s Unova branch? Tell me you actually did your research. Door, you’re the heiress of Halcyon Labs, Devon’s biggest—”
And the one hand, I'm disappointed it's not Clay, because I'd have loved to see old man!Clay. On the other hand, unovan!Steven could sound pretty fun.

She motioned to Geist as she continued, “My family is literally trying to keep me out of things! I didn’t even know this hunk of junk or the fact that he’s apparently a family heirloom until literally a few days ago!”
Wait, Hunk of Junk? I figured out Door's true identity! I think I might be going overboard with the references here...

So, it looks like Driftveil's getting some dedication to this Halcyon-Devon rivalry that was hinted at in one of your end-of-chapter transcripts a little ways back. I was curious if that was going to get addressed at all. I shouldn't have doubted you. Also, I'm curious about the "rough-and-tumble" depiction for northern Unova. It makes sense, technically speaking. With Unova drawing inspiration from New York, and upstate New York generally being populated more by "salt of the earth" types. Ones who, in particular, aren't all that fond of the NYC-Metro area and its ilk (and I say that from experience). Just makes me wonder if you're drawing on experience for that or just thought it'd be fun.

“Well, to be fair, others tried to challenge her,” Geist said. “But I’m afraid she turned all of them down with a response I unfortunately don’t have the conscience to repeat in mixed company. Mostly, she battles against fauxkémon.”
I sincerely hope this is just story fluff b/c this would make a Nuzlocke hellish. Unless you were used cheat codes!

oh my god you actually put Charles the Heartbreaker into the story, i can't stop laughing. Oh, wait, he's actually a real thug instead of just a guy who looks like one.

She didn’t have to look at its face to know the button was black. She simply knew, and because of this, she stood shaking on the spot.
OH... WAIT. RIP in spaghetti, never forgetti; we hardly knew ye. I suppose lawlessness is one way to go about introducing the Triple Battle. Though Door's retaliation is swift and painful, from the looks of things. And if that wasn't enough, Belle with a gun. She's completely psycho at this point.

“Of course, if any of you were actually smart, without the -er, then you would’ve brought guns instead of sad little knives, but you know, I’m not gonna judge. Much.”
*adjusts nerd glasses* Um, actually, Door's the one who brought the sad little Knives, thank you very much. :V

Also, suddenly cliffhanger! That ending certainly caught me off guard.

Ch 26
Jeebus. Belle's really not right in the head, is she? Is she supposed to be the embodiment of start-9 from Twitch Plays Pokémon? Does that even make sense? I'm going to assume it does and roll with it. In any case, she's really chewing the scenery here at the start. It's a little jarring, if I'm honest. Especially the random "capitalist pig" bit that just gets dropped in for good measure. It's like you're writing a hodge-podge of "crazy-evil" characters, and I'm not sure where you're going with it. Maybe she's actually based on someone and I'm not getting the reference?

And really, that’s the problem with you lawful good-types.
No! Bad Belle! No casual alignments dropped into conversation like that! *whacks with rolled up newspaper*

You only see black and white! But what you don’t realize is that when you get right down to it, it’s always been just red and green.
Roll credits?

Sometimes, the Chosen One isn’t Neo, you know—it’s really Mr. Smith.”

Door opened her mouth slightly, but otherwise, her expression refused to change. And still, she said nothing.

This time, Belle’s eyes widened, and she raised her eyebrows. Slowly, she leaned towards her Companion, frowned, and muttered loudly to him.

“Starr, she’s not getting my pop culture references. What do I do?”
On the one hand, that's funny as hell. And the other, it's really shoehorned in there. And what if the Chosen One's actually trying to avenge his dead puppy, huh?

“I-it was only a scratch!”
'Tis but a scrach, m'lady! (Don't look at me, you brought this on yourself...)

At least Magdalene's giving Belle flak for her totally nutso routine. Also, look at all the religious symbolism. Even more of it than Team Plasma. Which is weird since there are a bunch of androids and shouldn't give a lick about that stuff. Unless they desire humanity that strongly?

I mean, for Jiminy’s sake, you’re worshipping a dude named Bill.
Somebody pick up the phone b/c I totally called it! :V

I gotta say though, having Door just giving no f*cks really plays well with Magdalene's "holy priestess" routine. All her lecturing and sermoning doesn't so much as get an inkling of a reaction out of Door other than total indifference.

The truth is that the dragons will show us to the Bough Door, and the Bough Door will open as planned, but the Electric Messiah will not come back to us on his own. He hides beneath a mask, and he has grown used to existing within the Electric Dream. He must be convinced to come back to our world, and only you can do that. Will you do this for us? Will you convince the Electric Messiah to return?
Geist is really Bill, isn't he? Or the vessel that will serve for Bill's soul or something like that. Actually, that LFA defense bit at the end reeeeeeeeally makes me think he's Bill and that core is all of the dude's brain or whatever.

Ch 27
Roland is very much the anti-Steven. Actually, he's just Clay in a Steven-esque body... sorta. I still think I'd have liked seeing Clay doing this stuff more, personally speaking. But, hey, you nailed Roland's pretentiousness. It only took a few paragraphs for me to want to sock him in the jaw. To your credit, he's got some "wise beyond his years" philosophy to him. Especially with that whole "what'll you do after Team Matrix bites the big one?" tidbit. Yes, raising the big questions we fanfic writers love: what happens to the protagonists after they're champion, huh? XD

“No!” Door rubbed the back of her neck. “I mean … no. I’m not … I don’t really … um.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t … like … guys?”
And there's the casual reveal I pretty much saw coming. Now, when does she admit she's crushing on Blair, huh?

As for the ending bits, good ol' smart Door's able to figure out a way to extend this "Geist is totally Bill" tidbit. I mean, if his memories were erased after getting sent away from Lanette, that would put him in an "electric dream," no?

Ch 28
Um, has anyone informed you that you have two chapter 27's. Because you have two chapter 27's; this one and the Pokémon Center before it...

“Yes, actually. You could say that Roland—”

“Geist, if you say ‘left no stone unturned,’ I swear to God—”

“—is a thorough man,”
It was still funny, though! :V

Oh, hey, Door's stage fright is back in full force. Roland, you business sharkSharpedo, you. And to top it all off, it sounds more like you're making them into a wrestling crowd. I'm not sure if you're a WWE fan, so I'm-a avoid any wrestling comments, other than it's funny to see Door just have a collective mental freakout about that. Though it's nice to see Geist's solution is basically trying to replicate the Hoenn beach setting. Clever girlGeist. You ratchet up the tension here by giving Jack a broken leg before the so-called "locke-killer of Gen V" makes its debut. And, of course, the Hone Claws does everything to make it an even scarier moment for someone already wigging out. The rock tower tidbit was some very nifty terrain manipulation, that basically turned into a makeshift geyser at the end. And then Knives is back to be her usual slasher movie self. She's just so dang creepy. At least she's not a fairy-type in this story! XP

Ch 29
Well, Jasper said to avoid Chargestone Cave. That clearly means we're going there, of course. After Route 6, I suppose.

I know you probably got some love over the Venipede/Whirlipede, but heck yeah! Deerling! I'm totally not saying that b/c of an entirely different Nuzlocke comic with a hilarious Deerling. Nope. Definitely not. Whatever would give you that idea? It's gonna die soon, isn't it?

“Second off…” Door pulled a poké ball out of her pocket, expanded it, and tossed it up and down without letting it open. “You’d better believe I’m an awesome trainer. You think any of that was easy?”
Oh god, she's developing an ego. We're doomed.

Also, I took me awhile to realize this, but Red "watching the battles for the experience" is totally a roundabout use of the EXP Share and I'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner. >.>

Friendly rival battle time, I suppose. This one's going to feel a bit less meaty coming off the gym battle. Though I got a kick out of the "You can't keep spamming attacks," bit. Because that's all we do when we play a Pokémon game for realz. And Door trying to through Blair off with friendly chit-chat while battling was good for a laugh. As was Blair trying to turn that strategy back on Door, to little avail. It's like Door's playing up the jerkish, Blue rival role for everything it's worth. But it goes from relatively harmlessly to perilous with Red's battling debut (guess the EXP share wasn't good enough, Yamask are ridiculously frail). And it instills another little mini-breakdown for Door, which is probably the first big "Nuzlocke death freakout episode" the fic has had, because Scout and Boomer had minimalistic reactions. Though, you seem to use it more as a framing device for furthering Door's friendship with Geist.

Oh, wait, looks like the Whirlipede died. WELL NOW, this can only end spectacularly, can't it?

Ch 30
THE SWARM IS UPON US! Get her, my precious little Joltiks! I'm not biased. What are you talking about?

So, we finally got ourselves the oblitatory "everything goes to hell in a handbasket" scene that percolates all the Gen I-V Nuzlockes. I've never seen one written out, so this was different. Very frantic, and with absolutely no time to really see it take effect on Door b/c of the added issue of the electricity short-circuiting (for lack of a better word) Geist. So, in some ways that's practically another loss to add the list. It looks like only Huntress (who's been out of commission for awhile but now gets to return to active duty) and serial killer Knives survived (because Michael Meyers isn't allowed to die). As soon as the Archen appeared I had a very bad feeling. And, sure enough, down goes Jack. So, now we're left to see what'll happen to poor old Door. Looks like she's got a mental breakdown coming on, me thinks.[/SPOIL]

So, yeah. I clearly picked a winner for a first storylocke to read. Lot of fun, and if I end up writing one down the road I blame you 300%. ^^;
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
Woo! Splitting this up into chunks! 8D

THE RETURN OF MELISSA. Wearing something other than honey this time, which is wise and considerate of her. Best not to track that stuff indoors. It attracts ants... or something analogous.

Cue image of Melissa with a train of durant trailing after her. :D

Nah, but forreal, I feel like this is something Melissa would 100% be okay with. Active art installation. It’s a metaphor for capitalism becoming overrun with the anger of the populace or something. :V

Also I chuckled at N pretty much just standing there scrying into that damn hydreigon scale nearly the entire time, because he would. He effing would.

Ikr? “This conversation has nothing to do with pokémon. I’m going to pay attention to this pokémon scale instead. >=(“

(On a somewhat related note: how realistic would faux hydreigon scales be? Are the responsible facilities actually manufacturing faux pseudolegends? That's kind of terrifying, so yeah I do hope that's the case. 8D)

THIS IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION.

The answer is: pseudolegends are custom made, just like fossils. 8) As such, it really depends on the client. Some want as realistic-looking/feeling a pseudolegend as possible, but others want fancy stuff done to them. The most common/cheapest tend to be the realistic ones, to be honest.

Rich people, amirite?

Back for the extra! I gotta say, the tension between Virginia and Hilda/Rosa/N was well written throughout. I couldn't stop reading to see if they'd be at each other's throats, literally, at some point. XD

Hilda and Rosa have the patience of a pair of saints. :V

N was saved only by the fact that he wasn’t even paying attention, lmao.

N being super creepy about the scale at the end was a nice way to end it, even though he didn't contribute much to the rest of the extra. Though it was pointed out that he was going to be mute and weird in the background the entire time, so it worked out.

Yeah, admittedly, the only reason why N’s around is because he’s rarely seen without Rosa or Hilda (because they’ve got him on a short leash due to his history with the region), so he didn’t have much to do in the extra. Well, save for tell us something important about Magdalene, but, like, other than that.

The disbelief on Hilda/Rosa's part about all this being part of some family feud is realistic. From the outside, it can definitely seem like this is all an extreme reaction whatever's happened between the Hamiltons and everyone else. But on the inside, Virginia knows everything, and her smug attitude was a treat to read, not least because I know there's some details still left in the dark that I want to know about.

lmao it’s still a hella extreme reaction 8) 8)

[spoil]I mean, one side created a multinational corporation and technological monopoly; the other made a cult. :V[/spoil]

But! Yes, that’s pretty much what makes Virginia so much fun to write! I’m glad she comes across wonderfully. 8)

Can't wait for the next update! Also still can't wait for Geist to come back please && thank you kindly

Oh, don’t worry. He’ll be back. ;)

So I realized I didn't even review the previous chapter. What am I doing with my life!

Prooooobably infinitely more exciting things, I assure you. XD You’re probably, like, curing cancer or somesuch.

Anyway, so much death, so much destruction. I seem to be with everyone else that chargestone cave was indeed one of their favorite parts of Unova. Being a science guy like me, it's always interesting to see how people interpret how those rocks could float and everything. It's pretty neat.

Ikr? Plus, it’s just downright pretty, on top of being utterly, utterly fascinating (and probably also a little physics-breaky).

But thank you! :D

But it does look like everything has mostly been said about the chapter already so I'll finish this half with I'm glad/sad to see Door so distraught about Geist and most of her faukemon. This will be an interesting chapter. I can't wait to see how this affects her.

It affects her wonderfully. 8)

Anyway, for the extra. It was pretty fun to see how Virginia seems to know everything about what's going on and i want to know too!!! I want to know how this started and what's the main reason behind this whole thing!

Oh ho ho hooooo you shall see. 8) *tents fingers*

Ah yes, details. Like gaping holes in walls.

Yeah, slap some spackle on that. It’ll be fine. :V

This started out as a joke but honestly it's a great example of this thing you do where you really economically sketch character in a line or two. Virginia's phrasing bleeds into the narrative here, which tells us that she thinks she's a woman of details, which in turn tells us that she thinks this in response to thinking I haven't yet had the hole fixed, which in turn tells us that she considers a gaping hole in her office wall a detail. Which she goes on to treat as a chance to meditate on what it means to be a Hamilton. Which is both (a) technically one of those moments where you use free indirect discourse to mock a character, because there is definitely a touch of pomposity to Virginia's personality that invites ironic jabs (it's easier to take her seriously when she says my city than it is Roland Stone, but you know, that's never an assertion I don't struggle with), and (b) … really kinda warranted, given the way things have panned out. So in the same line, almost in the same breath, you have all these various things going on at once, and the thing about people is that they're more often than not made up of a million different contradictions going on at once, and the upshot of it all is that even just in a couple of lines, you've laid the foundations for a much more nuanced picture of Virginia than we've had to date.

That's the nice thing about this kind of narration; you can zoom in and out, so to speak, and show us both how Virginia sees herself and (by narratorial implication) how others must see Virginia. Which is a trick you make good use of here, and I always like side-chapters or extras that fill out characters like this, especially those who we got a very one-sided view of beforehand, so yeah, what I think I'm saying is that I liked this extra.

Maaaaan, I am legit blushing atm because yes. 8) Honestly, this is exactly why I love using this specific POV: because it’s so very easy to get that commentary you’re talking about. So it’s fun (and hilarious) to me and to anyone with a keen enough eye, but it’s still a straightforward, largely serious scene otherwise. Lowkey narrator snark, in other words. 8)

Ok I didn't realize at first that this was a new extra, and not an extra created from material cut from previous chapters! (I know that there used to be some non-Door scenes that you’re slowly editing out for the Nuz posting, so I thought this was one of them at first.) But I don’t recognize this at all.

Haha, kinda sorta! In the very original version of this part of the Castelia arc, there was an entire scene where Virginia sits down to call Amanita (and reveal that, yeah, she knows what’s going on), and this launches into the text files at the end of every chapter. So I sorta recycled the concept but not the exact wording, unlike the first extra.

Lots of new characterization for Virginia! There's a real silent power behind everything she does, and seeing her acknowledge that outright in her thoughts really hammers it home. But it's in less of an arrogant "look at everything I own" like Roland and more like "look at what happens when you're part of a family with this kind of influence."

Eeeexactly. ;D Virginia is pretty tired of it all, ngl. She married into the Hamilton family, so she kinda knew what she was getting into, but at the same time, she would rather not have anything to do with this, kthnx. But with awesome in-laws comes great responsibility, sad to say, so here she is. Contemplating a hole in the wall.

What interests me is the fact that Virginia already knows, this early, that all this Team Matrix stuff is happening because of the conflicts within the boxdevs after Bill's death. (Does she know who Oppenheimer is?)

Funny you should mention that! But yes, she does indeed. ;) The truth of the matter is that Linus and Virginia both know about what’s going on—Linus because he’s the actual heir to the shenanigans and Virginia because she used to be Brigette’s right-hand girl (not to mention, yanno, being married to the heir and all). To take it a step further, Virginia … doesn’t entirely agree with Brigette’s reasoning or methodology, but she can’t really say anything because it’s a pretty delicate situation that’s out of her hands, ngl.

But yeah, this certainly explains how Door got so suddenly cornered by her mom before leaving Castelia. And the revelation that Magdalene's Hydreigon was real... makes me wonder about the rest of her team. And where they came from. The Dream World? Or could they have been around since before the population collapse? ;)

Well, now, those are fascinating questions. ;)

@Phalanx: Admittedly, I got u fam via the Nuz forums, so I’ll just quickly say thank ya again. ;D I’d go in-depth, but, uh … *looks down*

Just know that you are awesome. ;D

Alright. I finally mustered up the chutzpah to make my way through this. I'll be honest, the title interested me. Though I read the fic's title inspiration back in high school, I'm more familiar with Blade Runner. And, full confessional here, I was initially too intimidated by the fact that you're DA BIG BOSS LADY of the forum and I was (still am, technically) the sad, sorry newbie. So I ignored this. I later saw this same thread on the Nuzlocke forums, and it took a moment to make the connection that you were also on there (no, I don't have an account). But now that I actually have some review experience, I've opted to give it a shot.

Aww, no need to be afraid to review a person. ;D We’re all chill here. And hey, you’ve been doing quite an awesome job reviewing, so!

So, let me start by saying I love me some sci-fi.

And here we have an easy way of getting me to really like you. 8D

Nah, but forreal, A+ taste. ;D

Like, I'd previously only read Nuzlocke comics, where the plot is standard "finish the trainer quest" fare and the main character is well aware of the fact that their Pokémon are dying.

Ngl, I hadn’t really thought about this point before, but it actually is 100000% accurate that comiclockes and storylockes focus on two different things. Absolutely, the more popular form of comiclocke focuses a lot on the journey, either by retelling the games’ plots or by, well, creating a gijinka run. Granted, sure, there are exceptions to that, but for the most part, yep, you’re spot-on. Conversely, storylockes, perhaps because they have more room to work with (i.e., comiclockes distill locations and individual conflicts down to a handful of pages), focus a lot more on building plot and characters, so you end up with shenanigans. This isn’t to say that comics don’t build either, but storylockes like to take a lot of liberties because they’re not a visual medium, which means the only way they can explore is through creating a story.

That said! I’m glad you’re intrigued by all of this. ;D It’s a lot of fun to build this world, so it’s always just as fun to see who’s engaged with it and how.

If I'm being honest, though, my level of interest in Door kind of waxed and waned as I read this. Like, there were some times when I was really invested in what she was personally going through (e.g. her trek through Castelia where she's confronting her heritage/namesake and having to deal with her parents), but there were other moments where I was a lot more interested in the stuff happening around her. Most notably, that's the case with a lot of the Team Matrix stuff; specifically Nimbasa City and Cold Storage. Then again, the way Door herself acts made me interpret it as Matrix saw her as a framing device of sorts. And Door realized that and went full snark on them. Hence, I think I came to view her in those moments as less a character, and more a framing device for all the crazy Companion-related stuff happening around her. It was also in those moments when Geist was acting a lot different from the snarky, wise-cracking "helper aide." In fact, it would almost be like those two switched places, so to speak. I know the whole man vs. machine theme is promiment here. So, it seems to me like this was all intentional. Which would mean that you pulled it off quite spectacularly.

Haha, thank you! I mean, I hear you about Door losing prominence in every other arc (that was a thing because the way I decided to deal with dual protagonists is by doing a lot of character building, well, every other arc), and I’m definitely going to keep that in mind for the upcoming arcs (including well into the second book). But yes, those two are intentionally set against each other in ways that are supposed to make you think that they’re not all that different. They’re both absolutely passionate and strong-willed about their respective beliefs, and they both definitely do not take crap from other people. It’s just that Geist isn’t anywhere near as impulsive as Door, so while the two of them would strut in and beat someone up for the sake of a loved one, Geist at least forms a strategy before then.

Which is to say, it’s most definitely supposed to imply a thing or few about a Companion’s personhood. ;)

As for the chapters themselves, uh... gonna have to split it up b/c character limit. GG, Amby. =_="

lmao RIP 8)

Gonna steal your spoiler tags! ;D

[SPOIL]
You've got a captivating intro here, that uses a very obtuse (but creative) way of setting up a chase scene. I like the pattern with one word sentences, followed by extended descriptions. Almost like you're trying to appeal to different senses.

Thank ya! ;D The intro’s probably my favorite thing about this fic, ngl, and true to my use of prologues, it’s probably the best out of all the stuff I wrote for a longfic. 8D

But! I’m glad that Unova comes off as a hilariously shady place. This is 100% why I chose the region. It totally doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that the only game I was willing to reset for Nuzlocking purposes was White, nor does it have to do with my actual opinions about New York City. *sage nod*

In contrast, our introduction to Door's Oshawott and partner (and Geist) is a far cry from the usual starter obtaining. Creative liberties are fun, aren't they?

Hells yeah, they are. 8D

This in particular just made me laugh. Real smooth, Door. Real smooth.

She is 100% the queen of smoothness. :V

A+, 10/10. Door's more teenager than any teenager I've ever read in a Pokémon fic. She pretends to listen just like we all do! The pseudo-conversation that the narration helped carry with the assistant backed this part up, too.

Ngl, half the reason why I love writing Door is to go on about how much of a li’l **** I was as a teenager because I was 100% exactly like her. :’)

(I might’ve mentioned that already, but I will never pass up a chance to say it again. Remember, kids. The best protagonists are the ones you can say are utter shits. Or the ones you base off yourself while simultaneously saying that you were/are an utter ****.)

And oh my god, Linus. Just... just Linus's introductory bio there. I never realized how much I needed an eccentric inventor-type character running a PC in Pokémon game until this bit.

*high fives* Stick with me, Amby. I have a lot of hilarious PC admin characters. 8) 8) 8)

Meanwhile, I really should've realized that Bianca is the absentminded professor in this scenario, but I did not make that connection. Which shows how good a reader I am. :V

Lmao, to be fair, I didn’t outright say much about Professor Ironwood until this point. XD And only I like to stick it to fanon by doing shenanigans with the BW characters. (Bianca is married to Hugh, N is in a platonic life partnership with Hilda and Rosa, Cheren is bitter and forever alone, and Hilbert and Nate co-own a noodle cart in Opelucid. Because fight me, fandom.)

You know, I sometimes find myself wondering that about my doors, too. Especially when they just randomly shut and I'll stop now.

Ikr? Doors are sneaky af.

Lies! Lies and slander! No, but in all seriousness, I do like how Door's whole reaction to this is basically, "Ugh, busywork!" Because that's exactly what a teenager would think. And having it turn out that Linus basically tricked her into doing this is even better. Her reaction just totally sells it. A beautiful mix of incredulousness and self-loathing that is just, y'know, so teenager-like it almost hurts.

PERFECT. 8) I had so much fun getting characters to dupe Door. And to do it routinely, for that matter. That poor girl.

Oh, Geist, you fool. Don't you know you can't reason with teenagers?

Gotta give him credit for trying. ;D

That said, their weird little fluffy moment was a bit odd. Feels like Opal's taking the term "companion" a bit too literally. Hope she's not going to turn into a love machine, or I'm totally eating my words here.

Luckily, no. Apparently, everyone in this world read this article.

(Or they didn’t, and we’re lucky enough to not follow around characters who Rule 34 their pet robots.)

Actually, I know this was the big Route 1 encounter (and obligatory tackle battle, to boot), but Geist kind of stole the show here. His perennial upbeat attitude played great against Door's dour, "I wish I was anywhere else but here," brand of whining. And that Poké Ball toss at the end just reeks of style. Door's disbelief really sells it there, if you ask me.

;D A lot of folks say Geist steals the show. Part of me is guilty because of stuff in the Amanita’s Laboratory chapter, but on the other hand, it’s just so much fun to write him, especially in contrast to Door’s character.

Here I had her pegged as more of an inner monologue type of character. But, that doesn't seem to be the case.

Nope! 8D She is indeed 100000% a teenager, loud mouth and all.

Then again, Opal's quickly trying to reach Rotom-Dex levels of annoying. Now that would definitely be a reason to get upset.

Omfg.

From here on out, if I ever feel a little uncertain about Opal’s character, I’ll fire up UM and force myself to actually read Rotomdex’s tips.

You know, when I saw Geist sympathize with Opal last chapter, this thought kind of spurted up in my head but I dismissed it super quickly, figuring that even if it was true, it was a twist you were saving for later. But here it is, getting dragged up the very next chapter.

*cackles evilly* 8D

Realtalk, tho, Door’s way too much of a skeptic to let things go. Or she’s way too bitter and cynical of a teenager, and she hates this whole journey thing so hard she’s looking for stuff to complain about. *nods*

(But forreal, thank you! :D)

But then N gets thrown into the mix, when I was expecting some sort of N equivalent for the Companions. Except he's already gone through the events of BW, and he's actually using real Pokémon. And he's sufficiently bizarre in his minimalistic interactions with Door.

This is an excellent quasi-question! Namely, teeeechnically, the N equivalent is several different characters, depending on which one’s at the right place and time. Usually, it’s Belle or Magdalene, but occasionally it’s also Oppenheimer or even N himself (in this particular case). N’s overall role, meanwhile, is to serve as support for Door on her journey, alongside Hilda and Rosa. N’s def been down this path before, and while he doesn’t want to involve another teenager in stupid, region-wide shiz, he also knows that she has to be at her peak performance because neither of them are gonna have a choice. So while this might be one of the few times N will battle Door, it’s not going to be the only time he pops up to push her along.

You know, it’s so funny that Door insists android Pokémon aren’t real. Because they are real, in the sense that they’re made of matter and occupy a volume in the world. Geist’s kind of trying to apply that logic. By which I mean he’s not really applying it at all and trying to shut her up by annoying her with terse responses. And I love it.

And I love the way you commented on it. XD Like, I was about to say, “Yes! Exactly!” But then this went well off the rails, and it was great.

In short, I know you often say you’re worried about how people take your comments, but rest assured that at least one person thinks they’re amazing.

Blair’s the meat of this chapter, though. I’m not sure what I was expecting her. Like, if she’s Bianca’s niece I was expecting some ditziness (the outfit definitely sells that). But she’s also got a bit of Cheren in her with her snark, self-confidence, and pride in her battling abilities.

Pretty much! Ngl, I sort of based her off Gary of all characters in a sense. Like, I wanted her to be this rival who sounds really hella stuck-up and obnoxious at first but actually knows what she’s talking about and has a sensitive side when you get right down to it.

Yup, everything checks out here. *sips tea*

Indeed. *also sips tea*

What I think I really like about this introduction is that Blair seems to make Door even feistier. That might not make sense. Uh… basically, Door calls Blair a little brat, but she’s slinging insults and whining and pouting like she’s a bit of a childish brat, too.

It totally makes sense, and honestly, it’s great that you picked up on this because lbr, this is exactly what a rival should do. 8D Amirite?

And I have this funny feeling that, even though Door insists she’s just playing along with Geist, she won’t be faking it for long.

Oh yes. That girl’s gonna break so hard. 8)

Man, Door’s really ruminating on this man vs. machine stuff, isn’t she? I mean, I guess I don’t blame her. The opening bits of the narration felt a bit roundabout to me. Maybe it’s because it was casually stated earlier that her family’s the Companion creators? So, to me, it made the introductory stuff feel like a, “well, duh,” sort of moment. Maybe that was the intention, but I also felt a bit like the story had assumed I’d already forgotten about why she’d be so familiar with Companions. Eh, I’m nitpicking here.

Nah, I hear you. I think I know which bits specifically you’re referring to, and admittedly, it’s either a habit or part of my style (or both) to kinda go back and lean on past information to further develop characters. It’s something I should probably work on at some point, to be honest, because doing that can definitely lead to draggy bits, as you’ve probably noticed.

You always know just what to say, Geist. Blunt, but effective.

Yep, that’s him in a nutshell. ;D

I like the following conversation more. Mostly because it seems like Geist is kind of coyly trying to play a faculty mentor (of sorts) to Door. SHe even sort of calls him out on it, but Geist is too cool of a customer.

I like that comparison, tbqh. Because that’s preeeettty much what I was going for with Geist and folks started to ship him with Door. 8D


*bows*

I like (what I’m assuming is) the take on Cheren’s battle in the trainer school. Mind-screwy Dream Mist apparitions are a pretty cool, psychedelic element to introduce in what’s been set up as a much more technical-oriented world. And look at all this casual PC admin stuff you’ve got going on. In retrospect, I now understand why these characters are here like that. ;)

;D

Also, yes to the Cheren battle! I have to admit, it took me a bit to realize that, yeah, actually, I can take a lot of liberties and cut stuff out when it comes to retelling the games. Which you would think would be a no-brainer, but this is my first trainer fic and Nuzlocke fic, ngl. XD;

I’m very curious as to how this whole Dream World is going to spill over into Door’s impromptu adventure.

Spectacularly, yet in ways that would make people groan if they knew me well. 8)

Nah, but forreal, thank you! Dream World fascinated me, tbqh, because it literally makes no sense in canon. Like … Pokémon cross over into a dream dimension? So they’re all operating on a shared dreamscape, where other Pokémon that don’t exist in the waking world can hang out with them and occasionally cross back over to hang out with their trainers? What? That’s some serious NiGHTS into Dreams bull right there, let me tell you.

Also, the focus that Scout’s gotten over Jack makes me think his death is imminent, but that’s just my experience reading Nuzlocke comics, I fear.

8) I love it when people write reviews while they’re reading a fic. It makes reactions so much more delightful.

Aw man, it’s so strange reading an old-man N.

Ngl, it’s strange writing an old-man N. I’d like to think he went into hiding, Luke Skywalker-style, after the events of BW2 and proceeded to mellow out like whoa. Hence his … entire state of being here.

Yas, you make the Striaton Gym into a pretentious, hoity-toity restaurant. I’m not aloooooone! *tears of joy*

As if there’s any other way to interpret that place. ;D

Door has clearly learned much from working for Professor Ironwood. Also, Bebe’s a party girl apparently. I’ll make a note of that. *draws scirbbles on scratch paper*

I have the most hilarious headcanon about the boxdevs, ngl. 8)

Onto the battle and wow did someone overgrind.

Lmao, yeah. XD Admittedly, I was worried because I literally only had Scout at that point in the game. So literally for the first leg of the game, I was only using Scout because I didn’t want Jack to be murdered by Cilan, lmao.

And that just translated into Door having pokémon that are unnaturally talented at kicking tail. 8D

Variety of moves? Pffffbt, what do you think this is, the Pokémon anime? XD

Ikr? Not all of us can turn Splash into something useful!

AHHHHH Geist really is a companion! This is the part where I’d say, “I knew it,” and laugh triumphantly. But I was actually kind rooting for him to be human and just screwing with Door.

Ngl, there were times when I was tempted, but unfortunately, the plan from the get-go was to have him be a Companion. Because this entire fic is “lol what would happen if one of my favorite characters in the franchise made a robot butler that looked like my other favorite character in the franchise?”

And then there’s more AHHHHH with the reveal of Bill’s apparent fate. No way that’s not factoring into the story in some ways.

8) 8) 8)

But Starr and Belle reappeared and, call me crazy, but Belle has a pseudo-Harley Quinn routine going on here that’s really bizarre to read.

Pretty much! :D I legit based her partly on Jinx from League of Legends (I don’t play; I just really like that music video), but I’d be lying if I said teeny bits of her character weren’t based on the most recent interpretations of Harley Quinn (among other characters).

the ending bit with the Audino was an effective bit of mood whiplash, basically defusing any of the lingering tension.

100% intentional, so heck yeah! 8D

The truth about Blair comes to light! I wasn’t expecting that, to be honest. I don’t really think I’ve read trainer fics with “deadbeat rivals,” if I can even call Blair that. But it’s a unique tidbit and the girls are able to start off on a better foot (though I’ll miss their bickering).

Don’t worry. There will be opportunity for that later on under slightly different circumstances. ;D ;D ;D

Also, maybe I missed this earlier but holy PC admins, Batman. Door’s related to Bridgette? This is totally ridiculous. She should technically know who all the admins are and whatnot.

Yep! If Brigette actually talked about them instead of treated the whole thing like it was a traumatic experience, anyway. 8D

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have the information a sense of direction about this stuff (especially Geist and Team Matrix), but holy guacamole it’s a lote to digest.

Yeah, I definitely hear ya about the comments concerning how much info is in here and how heavily expositiony this chapter is. I feel like that’s the main problem with this chapter, tbqh. It’s needed because a lot of this forms the backbone of the story (so to speak), but I’ve never really been able to work out the delivery, no matter how much I’ve toyed with it.

That said, maaaaaybe down the line, I’ll figure something else out, but for now, I’ll keep this in mind. Thank ya! :D

This, in contrast, had me a lot more engaged. Not that you’re really in a position to change this to Door moving through files. But this end bit was definitely the most interested part of the exposition for me.

Excellent. 8) Also excellent because eventually, you’ll meet Cassius, and this is just a taste of what he’s like. 8) 8) 8)

Oh my god that lemony narrator at the start. Just… yes. All the yes. And equal amounts of that to Hilda’s Emboar being all “lol nope nice try” to Sautee. XD

Savory was a hoot to write too, ngl. 8D I love hilariously badass characters getting kicked in the pants.

Pfffffbt. She named her Audino “Knives.” Mortal terror, ladies and gentlemen!

FEAR THE MIGHTY AUDINO.

Aww, look at Door actually being all mentor and big sister to Blair. We’ll make a Professor out of her yet, dang it! Also, her team’s all normal-types right now. So, she’s very vanilla. I’ll shut up now.

To be fair, she still had Jack at this point. XD

So, rather than generic grunts, looks like Belle and Starr are getting recurring roles of sorts. I don’t mind. Certainly better than a bunch of generic grunts, if you ask me.

Heck yeah. :D Or alternatively, Belle, Starr, and a bunch of generic grunts, amirite?

But she’s wielding Knives! *ba-dum-tssssssh*

I walked into that one, so I’ll allow it.

THe battle itself, despite being early-game and thus being limited in its scope, was frantic just like the Dreamyard. With Door attempting to hold the fort against Belle while Blair (surprisingly) gets the jump on Starr. Like, dang, that was quite the turnaround from her “whoa is me” routine she was just going through at the start of things. And then it ends with a mad scramble for the exit. It was one of those situations where you’d expect a casualty but nope, didn’t happen.

Ngl, this is a relief. ;_; Because, like, it’s Wellspring Cave. Nothing interesting happens in Wellspring Cave, other than the fact that Team Plasma pops up again. So tl;dr, I’m glad it was actually interesting … and, for that matter, that Blair came off all right because you are correct in saying this was a quick turnaround. XD I mean, it’s intentional because I’m trying to say that Blair is the real foil to Door (unlike Geist, who’s basically Door but smarter and more patient/empathic), but still.

Also, even though it’s a brief text file, I see Lanette’s messiness and disorganization carries over to her text documents. XP

ABSOLUTELY. 8)

(I love that girl. She is so ridiculous, and she is my queen.)[/spoil]
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
[spoil]
Door is so determined to keep Geist at an arm’s length. Bless your heart, you sweet, stubborn little teenager.

Ikr? Poor Geist. Stuck babysitting the teenageriest of teenagers.

Also, I see she’s not a fan of early-game trainer battles. But really, who is?

Ikr? Forreal, the good stuff starts happening around Castelia, lbr.

Relationship Upgrade Unlocked! *level-up jingle* I’m so glad I got to make that joke at least once. XD

*high five!*

Also, I know this was probably not a Scott Pilgrim reference, but tbqh, I’m just reminded of Scott Pilgrim, ngl. 8D

And, hooray! Evolutions! Except Jack’s still an Oshawott. Though, I guess that’s your gameplay being shifted to match the storyline. As in, Jax is holding back using Jack, because in-universe Door doesn’t want her real Pokémon getting hurt.

Well, more like Jax held back on using Jack because she knows Lenora murders pokémon. 8D But I’ll take it!

Why can’t it work this way in real life?! D:

Ikr? Who needs awkward high school years, right?

I personally do think she’s afraid of Belle and trying to keep herself out of trouble. But that’s just me.

Nope, that is 100% why Blair left, in all actuality. 8D

Maybe this is minor, but I like your updating of Nacrene to have, essentially, a bypass. Because bypasses are things popping up all around America, and are seen as a way to stay in “good parts” of cities but avoid bad parts.

Pretty much this. ;_; It’s also a handy metaphor for gentrification. Like, NYC has so much of it, where they’ll tell you there are good neighborhoods and bad neighborhoods, and all the “trendy” neighborhoods are suspiciously the high-priced ones that don’t necessarily reflect what NYC is actually like.

In other words, this is also one of my favorite bits, although not for the same reasons as the prologue.

It’s kind of sad how true this rings. :/

Ikr? :’)

I wonder if this is important?
Gee, I wonder if this is important?

83c

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!

She is the best of heroes. 8D

Oh, hey, Rosa already. That didn't take long.

I deliver my plot points like Domino’s delivers pizza: in thirty minutes or less. :V

Door pays about as much attention as the teens sitting in the back of their classes at school, I see.

PRETTY MUCH. 8)

Given Geist's penchant for smart-alecky remarks, I'm surprised he didn't see this coming.

Lmao, ikr? XD Poor, poor Geist. He thinks he’s gotten Door all figured out before this point.

I really like the idea, although it seems more like something Blaine would do than Lenora (or her granddaughter).

True! Sophia gleaned inspiration from both Blaine and Lenora. 8D (I mean, Lenora had the book shenanigans and all, and Blaine is just cool. ...no pun intended.)

1st riddle: chess pieces (well, close enough to a chess set, I'd say. And Door totally froze up.)
2nd riddle: uh, the word "out?" (nope, clocks. Though they do have hands, don't they? Door certainly gets pissed at this quickly.)
3rd riddle: quiet (I guess that's close enough to silence?)
4th riddle: fire
5th riddle: yeah, I really didn't know what to say for this one. ^^;
6th riddle: a lighthouse (nope, way off)

You still get a gold star. *sage nod*

And apparently "Lenora's" dreaded Watchog claimed a victim. Another Watchog. How appropriate. There was a delay, of course, but it looks like my predicition for Scout ended up coming true after all. I've seen too much Nuzlocke stuff, clearly.

Also, Lenora’s watchog is the Whitney’s miltank of Unova, js.

7th riddle: puzzles (or riddles. As you can see, I'd lose this gym battle, or need my Companion)

See? They are useful for something, Door. 8D

Aww yeah, Rosa's with Interpol. She's channeling Nate from PokéSpecial; I can dig it.

Can I just say I’m so happy that you’re calling him Nate and not Lack-two?

You certainly go out of your way to make Halcyon Labs seem like that imposing, nebulous science corporation that just sits there imposingly, like we were in a sci-fi movie.

I try … because every cyberpunk dystopia needs its all-powerful tech giant! 8D

I don't like Door's attitude and I do want someone to slap some sense into her. And I think that's what you were going for.

It is indeed, so PERFECT. 8D

Considering this is a somber-ish moment, I'd be remiss not to point out that there's a word missing between the "life" and "how" in that second sentence.

Herp. Thanks for that! Solid eagle eye there, considering you’re going through over twenty-five chapters. :O

Now this particular Castelia hostage situation is far more tense than the one for the actual games. It's got gravitas behind it.

Thank you! Although it probably helps that the only thing in danger in the games was a pink, floral-patterned blob.

So, I like that she's taking elements of both the main antagonists.

Thank ya! Because yep, you’ve hit the nail on the head with her. 8D

Have I mentioned Door is great at navigating these tense situations? I might've been exaggerating that claim...

Lol, at least she’s good at something. 8D *shot!*

It's definitely telling that Door would rather go through Matrix's shenanigans in an effort to protect Blair, then listen to her own mother and save herself.

Yep. It says she’s the archetypal hero type. 8D

Man, Geist sometimes feel more human than Door. I'm guessing that's the point. XP

YEP. 8D

oh my god you actually did a gag with the honey.

;D I couldn’t resist.

"Hey man, can I copy your homework real quick?"
"Sure, just don't make it look too obvious or anything."

Art in a nutshell, amirite? :V

Okay, on the one hand, look! Door's listening to Geist, finally and she doesn't leave Storm out against a Dwebble. On the other hand, holy cow this is Innuendos: The Chapter: The Novelization. Gotta put that rating to good use, am I right? :V

YEP. 8)


Ngl, I’m not sure what to think about the fact that you’re using a clip from Babe in response to Door asking about which orifice Melissa keeps her poké balls. :V

Oh, so it would seem Door's more intimately connected to Team Matrix than I thought. From the sounds of family fued, it only makes me thing that, again, there's a PC admin (or former or relative or whatever) working behind-the-scenes for Team Matrix. And then N's just being... N. But apparently GhetsisDENNIS' Hydreigon lives! Dun-dun-daaaaaaaah!

*whistles innocently at all of this*

Player character acknowledges how quickly a Pokémon game can actually be beaten in real life. :V

I love the fourth wall. It’s so nice to lean against. :V

How quickly we've moved from Door resenting Geist, to Door accepting his help, to now Door asking for his help in dealing with the Nimbasa Gym. I'm surprised with the pace of that progress, but it looks like Door's had her big "growing up" moment, and now we're seeing the results.

Also helps that they’ve been through several traumatizing situations together. *sage nod*

One day, I will find a trainer fic that doesn't make the coffee in the centers abysmal. Today is not that day, but I'm hopeful it will happen!

To be fair, there’s an unwritten cosmic rule that if there’s free coffee, it just barely qualifies as coffee.

Remind me who the hero is in this story, again?

Knives. :V

This ended up turning into a rather impressive chase scene. Like something out of a horror movie. Which I guess is pretty decent for a Sigilyph being based on ancient glyph/ruin things and thus giving off that "cursed for all eternity" type of mentality.

Excellent. 8D I’m glad that the horror movie-type feel came across.

Because **** Sigilyph, forreal.

Of course, this all serves as a guise of sorts for revealing there's more to Geist than meets the eye.

By which I mean, he's definitely a Transformer. Maybe not Optimus, but he's gotta be high up there.

Bumblebee? :V

It's always interesting to see how you end up developing the different areas and making them change from their in-game descriptions. And Join Avenue being remade from the ground-up for hipsters? Pretty hilarious. I mean, hipsters are the only ones who appreciated Join Avenue in B2W2 anyway, aha ha ha ha.

Honestly, the worldbuilding is my favorite part of this fic for exactly this reason. 8D It’s so much fun to basically go “off-script” from canon by asking myself what kind of place a Pokémonified New York would end up being like. (Helps that when I developed a lot of Electric Sheep’s world, I’d just moved to New York and flippin’ hated it, so just like writing Door’s jerkish teen ways, writing about a pithole Unova is cathartic for me. :3)

You know they love each other, because Door's trying to kill him. <3 <3

Remember, kids: having your magical blue otter stab your object of affection in the back with a sharpened seashell is the highest form of affection!

I tell this myself every time I go beyond midtown, Manhattan. It doesn't work.

SAME, TBQH.

(I’M LOOKIN’ AT YOU, BROOKLYN.)

Geist is a precious smartass. Really a treasure.

Isn’t he, tho? ;D

I thought Interpol had swooped her up, but she must've escaped. And this time they're actually able to get the drop on things.

YOU CAN’T KEEP A GOOD VILLAIN IN THE SLAMMER. 8) Just ask Jessie and James, amirite?

Now that's a heck of a way to start off a chapter. Taking the BW gym locale and turning it into an abandoned roller coaster alley gives off creepy Monster Clown/abandoned amusement park vibes straight out of horror movies.

Thank ya! Ngl, that place always intrigued me—partly because heck yeah abandoned theme parks and partly because it’s just so unlike Elesa to have her gym be in a theme park in the first place. So in other words, this was yet another location that was fun to play with. ;D

And you certainly do your darndest to make him as well-intentioned, pious, and holy as you can while keeping a bit of sinister unease in everything that he's saying.

Thank you! 8D

And tying this all in to opening up the Dream World portal in the Entralink is very cool, and quite literally invoking the "dream" bit of that famous sci-fi short story. Also, given Oppenheimer's explanation of who plays what roll, I'm reeeeeaaaaaaally starting to think our Electric Messiah is Bill... or at least is strongly related to him in some way…

*whistles innocently*

Okay it's definitely Bill...

And no one who knows me well was surprised. 8D

Door's "ZAMBIES!" routine kind of took all the dramatic tension out of that wham line though. If that's what you were going for, mission accomplished. <.<;

Yeah, she can be a bit of a mood killer sometimes. XD

And apparently Hilda and Rosa kept the dragons this whole time, huh? Boy, I bet they feel great having lived in Master Balls for half a century...

Of course they do. They get the best poké beans in exchange. :D

I'm going to be honest with you though, the ending, though nice in the sense of adding some more substance to Geist's and Door's relationship, dragged a bit for me. Maybe it's because of just how much higher-stakes the rest of the chapter was. I don't really think they could be separated or anything, it's just strange that, it felt like Oppenheimer's departure was a natural stoppoing point, but instead things continued into an extended debrief.

I hear ya. It’s a bit challenging because on the one hand, it’s cute, but on the other, it totally isn’t necessary, and it does go on for a bit. So! I might take another look at that later. Thanks for the heads up!

Dear God, Knives is turning into a serial killer. Of all the personalities...

It’s always the cute ones.

10/10 best PC system explanation in the history of Pokémon.

*bows* You should hear her summary of Unovan politics. It’s like Drunk History all up in there.

See, this general content makes me feel like it would've gone better in conjunction with the post-Matrix stuff in the previous chapter. Since it seems like a natural follow-up/extension of it. But, eh, I guess that's just me.

Actually, that might be an interesting suggestion! Especially since some of the stuff in Lostlorn Forest might be a bit redundant (to the end of the Nimbasa chapter). So! Thank you! :D If I go back, I’ll keep this in mind. ;)


*high five!* 8D

Geist has his priorities straight, I see.
Again, Geist clearly has his priorities straight.

Nobody in this cast is straight, and neither are their priorities. :V

Also, I see Elesa's Pokémon are all named after fashion designers (Coco Chanel, Giorgio Armani) because of course they are. I'm amazed I caught that, actually. XD

*high five!* ;D

Also! Regarding Door’s homesickness, good eye, actually! It’s true that it hasn’t come up that often. Part of it is that Door was five when she left Hoenn, so she doesn’t completely remember what the region was like. She just knows that her feelings for her current home are extremely complicated and that she would much rather be anywhere else. The other part, of course, is that right about Nimbasa is when I really started figuring out a lot about Door’s character. 8D *dances away!*

Every competitive battlers' worst nightmare: switching moves. Alternatively, "It's totally fair if I switch my Pokémon, but not if my opponent does!"

Ikr? And also, “It’s technically not switching if it’s a side-effect of a move!”

Actually wait, Knives serious tanked the whole battle?

Yep. And I didn’t use healing items, either. :V I just overleveled like whoa (by grinding like eff in Lostlorn Forest) because like hell was I gonna send a water- or a flying-type out against Elesa’s zebstrika.

Aww, poor Blair. This is much to take in for a girl.

Ikr? Honestly, though, her reaction is #mood.

That moment when the badass exposition fairy criticizes your exposition skills.

Lmao, Geist is just salty because she does it better.


oh my god your references are amazing

At this point I think I can safely characterize Belle as just one of those "love to hate" characters. Like, did you intend to write her as an anarchist? Because that's kind of the way I feel about her.

Absolutely, 100%, she is an anarchist, through and through. ;D

Like. Realtalk. That is literally her political alignment. She’s an atheist too, which is only relevant with Team Matrix in the background there. Pretty much, she’s chaotic neutral to the core, ngl.

Oh, trying to convert silicon to carbon-based life, huh? What could possibly go wrong? (Everything.)

And then some. :V

Also, imagining Starr "singing" (read: speaking lyrics in monotone) is straight-up creepy. Especially since that's a Kubrick reference, I think?

YEP. 8) Here, have an audio representation of this!

Door can be such an ungrateful little teenager sometimes.

Sometimes? :V

And the one hand, I'm disappointed it's not Clay, because I'd have loved to see old man!Clay.

Ratchety old man Clay had to be forced into retirement and then dragged to Poké Florida. As all ratchety New Yorkers are wont to do when they grow to be of age.

Wait, Hunk of Junk? I figured out Door's true identity! I think I might be going overboard with the references here...

YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY REFERENCES. 8)

Especially when yours are spot-on, 10/10 accurate. :’)

So, it looks like Driftveil's getting some dedication to this Halcyon-Devon rivalry that was hinted at in one of your end-of-chapter transcripts a little ways back. I was curious if that was going to get addressed at all.

Oh yes. It is. 8) I mean, it’s admittedly a minor plot thread, but it is most certainly part of the plot.

I shouldn't have doubted you. Also, I'm curious about the "rough-and-tumble" depiction for northern Unova. It makes sense, technically speaking. With Unova drawing inspiration from New York, and upstate New York generally being populated more by "salt of the earth" types. Ones who, in particular, aren't all that fond of the NYC-Metro area and its ilk (and I say that from experience). Just makes me wonder if you're drawing on experience for that or just thought it'd be fun.

*cackles mischievously*

No, but forreal, absolutely, I am drawing from experience. I’m a Bostonian who was forced to move here for work, and it’s been so much fun surrounded by all types of New Yorkers let me tell you. 8) 8) 8) (Nowadays, I mean that sincerely because it’s hilarious to see what upstate folks say about urban New Yorkers and vice versa. No wonder y’all don’t hate on Bostonians as much as Bostonians hate on New York. :V)

I sincerely hope this is just story fluff b/c this would make a Nuzlocke hellish. Unless you were used cheat codes!

Yeah, no, in actuality, I made it a point to battle literally everyone I came across and to avoid running from battles if at all possible. XD I just didn’t feel like writing trainer battles, especially since my chapters kept dove-tailing too nicely into one another to give me the wiggle room to do it.

oh my god you actually put Charles the Heartbreaker into the story, i can't stop laughing. Oh, wait, he's actually a real thug instead of just a guy who looks like one.

Yeeeeeep. AND HE’S A DICK. 8) I forgot how strong his pokémon were, ngl.

*adjusts nerd glasses* Um, actually, Door's the one who brought the sad little Knives, thank you very much. :V

I know you’re replying to a line in the fic, but do you really want to call our resident serial killer sad or little? :V

Jeebus. Belle's really not right in the head, is she?

Thaaaaaat’s putting it mildly.

Is she supposed to be the embodiment of start-9 from Twitch Plays Pokémon? Does that even make sense? I'm going to assume it does and roll with it.

CONVENIENTLY, YES. 8D Because of course I’d follow TPP. Of course I would.

In any case, she's really chewing the scenery here at the start. It's a little jarring, if I'm honest. Especially the random "capitalist pig" bit that just gets dropped in for good measure. It's like you're writing a hodge-podge of "crazy-evil" characters, and I'm not sure where you're going with it. Maybe she's actually based on someone and I'm not getting the reference?

So! Remember how I said Belle is partly based on Jinx with tiny hints of Harley Quinn? The other thing that went into her character is straight-up punk aesthetic. I’m talking the utter insanity and anarchy that were old-time zines, the sort that’s kinda saying something political, but it’s so busy being hella all over the place that you’re not entirely sure what it’s saying.

Or Tank Girl. Movieverse Tank Girl. Basically this in a nutshell. (Note for context: The character in this video is trying to rescue her little sister. No, there is no further context.)

So in other words, Belle’s a kinda complicated character to pin down, and part of what really holds her back imo is the fact that we don’t really get to see too much of her. But basically, there’s an extra later on that goes into her personality/motives, one that I’ve posted on AO3, FFN, and the Nuz forums but not here. But the tl;dr of it is that all Belle wants is pretty much freedom, so she stole a military Companion and tried to run off and live in the wilderness on her own. But because she wasn’t a trainer (Monkshood is literally her starter), she nearly died, had it not been for Team Matrix. And that’s why she doesn’t believe in what they do but still follows them anyway. The truth is that Belle doesn’t believe in anything. She hates the System/Man/however you want to say it (she was a military brat before she ran away), she doesn’t care about religion, and all she really wants to do is whatever she wants, when she wants it. Unfortunately, she’s kinda indebted to Team Matrix, which represents everything she hates, so she’s caught between a rock and a hard place.

Does this explain her hammy nature? Nope, so I hear ya. I guess what I’m trying to get across here is that Belle actually isn’t as crazy or as evil as she seems; she just acts that way because she’s more or less acting out on a literal level. Chaotic neutral, not chaotic evil and all that.


ho jeeez i’m stealing that for reaction memes

On the one hand, that's funny as hell. And the other, it's really shoehorned in there. And what if the Chosen One's actually trying to avenge his dead puppy, huh?

And on the other, she just told you the entire plot twist. ;D

'Tis but a scrach, m'lady! (Don't look at me, you brought this on yourself...)

XDDDD True, so I’ll allow it. 8D

Which is weird since there are a bunch of androids and shouldn't give a lick about that stuff. Unless they desire humanity that strongly?

Or they’re programmed that way. 8)

Somebody pick up the phone b/c I totally called it! :V

You win A NEW CAR.

Geist is really Bill, isn't he? Or the vessel that will serve for Bill's soul or something like that. Actually, that LFA defense bit at the end reeeeeeeeally makes me think he's Bill and that core is all of the dude's brain or whatever.

Oooh, these guesses are fun ones. 8) Of course, I can’t say whether or not you’re right, but I can at least compliment you on your guesses. ;)

Roland is very much the anti-Steven. Actually, he's just Clay in a Steven-esque body... sorta. I still think I'd have liked seeing Clay doing this stuff more, personally speaking.

I mean, that’d be tempting, but on the other hand, I couldn’t justify sticking a ninety-year-old in a pokémon gym. XD Sure, there’s Pryce, but no one ****s with Pryce.

Yes, raising the big questions we fanfic writers love: what happens to the protagonists after they're champion, huh? XD

It’s also raising the big questions parents love to ask their children, amirite? :V

And there's the casual reveal I pretty much saw coming. Now, when does she admit she's crushing on Blair, huh?

At this rate? Five chapters. :V

As for the ending bits, good ol' smart Door's able to figure out a way to extend this "Geist is totally Bill" tidbit. I mean, if his memories were erased after getting sent away from Lanette, that would put him in an "electric dream," no?

Now this is a fascinating point. 8)

Um, has anyone informed you that you have two chapter 27's. Because you have two chapter 27's; this one and the Pokémon Center before it…

Hilarious story about this, actually! I was (up until Christmas Eve, actually) in the process of editing chapters and posting them to the Nuzlocke forums and AO3, right? Well! Along the way, I decided to split Cold Storage up into two chapters. This resulted in the numbering being completely messed up, especially since later chapters here literally would not upload because the character limit stopped me from doing so. (>_>) So, uh, tl;dr, yep, aware and too lazy to fix, ngl. 8D (Sorry about that, folks!)

I'm not sure if you're a WWE fan, so I'm-a avoid any wrestling comments, other than it's funny to see Door just have a collective mental freakout about that.

Re, wrestling: No, but I’m enough of a 90s kid to have known many, many people who were. 8D Also, I lived through the John Cena meme.

Nah, but forreal, thank you for your comment there! ;D Glad to hear that Door’s happy fun tiems came out A-OK. 8D

Though it's nice to see Geist's solution is basically trying to replicate the Hoenn beach setting. Clever girlGeist. You ratchet up the tension here by giving Jack a broken leg before the so-called "locke-killer of Gen V" makes its debut. And, of course, the Hone Claws does everything to make it an even scarier moment for someone already wigging out. The rock tower tidbit was some very nifty terrain manipulation, that basically turned into a makeshift geyser at the end. And then Knives is back to be her usual slasher movie self. She's just so dang creepy. At least she's not a fairy-type in this story! XP

Re, that last bit: Just wait until the next book. It’s set in Kalos. 8)

Nah, but forreal, thank you! This chapter, I called upon a lot of stuff I learned waaaaay back when I used to play in an online RP-kinda-sorta forum thing. (The ASB, only not like Serebii’s Anime-Style Battling.) Back then, I’d have to write the most off-the-wall battles because the players I’d work with would pull all kinds of terrain-manipulation shenanigans (among other things). So this was a bit of nostalgia for me, but it was also a fun reminder that I totally can do all kinds of fun things like literally use the ripped-up floor as a shield. 8)

(Fun lesson for some of y’all too!)

Well, Jasper said to avoid Chargestone Cave. That clearly means we're going there, of course.

Of course. :V

I know you probably got some love over the Venipede/Whirlipede, but heck yeah! Deerling! I'm totally not saying that b/c of an entirely different Nuzlocke comic with a hilarious Deerling. Nope. Definitely not. Whatever would give you that idea? It's gonna die soon, isn't it?

:V

Oh god, she's developing an ego. We're doomed.

Lol, as if she hadn’t had enough of one already. 8)

Also, I took me awhile to realize this, but Red "watching the battles for the experience" is totally a roundabout use of the EXP Share and I'm an idiot for not realizing it sooner. >.>

Pretty much! XD

Though I got a kick out of the "You can't keep spamming attacks," bit. Because that's all we do when we play a Pokémon game for realz.

ALSO PRETTY MUCH. 8)

THE SWARM IS UPON US! Get her, my precious little Joltiks! I'm not biased. What are you talking about?

To be fair, joltiks are adorable, and I really wanted one this run, but then my first encounter of this route was a klink … that Knives killed. Because of course she did.

Looks like she's got a mental breakdown coming on, me thinks.
Mildly put, but yes. 8) 8) 8) 8) At last, we can break her.[/SPOIL]

So, yeah. I clearly picked a winner for a first storylocke to read. Lot of fun, and if I end up writing one down the road I blame you 300%. ^^;

Yeeeesssss. Give in. Write a storylocke. 8) 8) 8)

Nah, but forreal, thank you so much, Amby! I'm so glad you liked it, and I legit dug your detailed review. 8D Keep up stuff like this, yanno?

Aaaaanyway, for all y'all, stay tuned in the next post for an Important Announcement!
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
~Important Author's Note~:
So, good news, bad news, and ugly news, folks.

Good News: I've completed editing, and the Nuz forums and AO3 versions are at last caught up with the FFN version! That means that from here on out, all content that gets posted for Electric Sheep will be completely new—and that's completely new in the sense that they will actually be new chapters, not new extras wedged in between arcs.

Bad News: The Serebii version of the fic is not caught up. As I've mentioned in my review response to Amby, this is why the numbering of the latest chapters is messed up. (For those just tuning in—and I don't blame you—I chopped Cold Storage in half, which was supposed to bump up the numbering by one ... had I finished transferring chapters to Serebii.) But more than that, that's why one of the chapters is missing the notes at the end and why two of the extras (the one for Nimbasa and the one for Driftveil) are missing. Part of the reason why I stopped trying to upload the edited chapters is because of the character limit, especially when the end-of-chapter notes got switched around. The other part of the reason is...

Ugly News: Electric Sheep will no longer be updated on Serebii. I won't go into the reasons why because that'd take too long, but I apologize to readers here. If you want to continue reading Electric Sheep, you'll find links to where you can catch up in my sig sometime before the week's out. Or if you don't want to wait, hit up my AO3 and FFN accounts. I pretty much use the same name everywhere. b)'')b

That said, thanks so much to everyone who's followed the fic from the beginning! Your comments, crit, and support have all been amazing, and because of all that, this is probably the first long project in a long time that I've felt like I wanted to see all the way to the end. So with all my heart, I wish y'all the best of luck on your own projects, and thanks again for the memories!
 
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