Alright. I finally mustered up the chutzpah to make my way through this. I'll be honest, the title interested me. Though I read the fic's title inspiration back in high school, I'm more familiar with Blade Runner. And, full confessional here, I was initially too intimidated by the fact that you're DA BIG BOSS LADY of the forum and I was (still am, technically) the sad, sorry newbie. So I ignored this. I later saw this same thread on the Nuzlocke forums, and it took a moment to make the connection that you were also on there (no, I don't have an account). But now that I actually have some review experience, I've opted to give it a shot.
So, let me start by saying I love me some sci-fi. The world you've depicted is believable enough to make it feel like it could be what we're looking at in, say, the next century. Well, aside from the Companion bit, of course. That was a bit more of a creative liberity. But it's an entertaining one and, as far as central plot threads go, you make it work nicely. Like, had you not stated from the get-go that this is a Nuzlocke fic, I don't really think I would have realized it was. But, by that same token, it wouldn't have made a difference. Because your overarching plot focusing on Matrix and this use of supernatural Dream World phenomenon to give progress to machines through what is essentially voodoo revival of the dead is framed in an engaging way. Like, I'd previously only read Nuzlocke comics, where the plot is standard "finish the trainer quest" fare and the main character is well aware of the fact that their Pokémon are dying. And the main conflict comes with the steps taken to prevent that, or to cope with inevitable losses. But here, that element really plays a back seat to a much more engaging story about the blur between science and magic.
Which brings me to the cast. A veritable collection of unique characters. If I'm being honest, though, my level of interest in Door kind of waxed and waned as I read this. Like, there were some times when I was really invested in what she was personally going through (e.g. her trek through Castelia where she's confronting her heritage/namesake and having to deal with her parents), but there were other moments where I was a lot more interested in the stuff happening around her. Most notably, that's the case with a lot of the Team Matrix stuff; specifically Nimbasa City and Cold Storage. Then again, the way Door herself acts made me interpret it as Matrix saw her as a framing device of sorts. And Door realized that and went full snark on them. Hence, I think I came to view her in those moments as less a character, and more a framing device for all the crazy Companion-related stuff happening around her. It was also in those moments when Geist was acting a lot different from the snarky, wise-cracking "helper aide." In fact, it would almost be like those two switched places, so to speak. I know the whole man vs. machine theme is promiment here. So, it seems to me like this was all intentional. Which would mean that you pulled it off quite spectacularly.
As for the chapters themselves, uh... gonna have to split it up b/c character limit. GG, Amby. =_="
[SPOIL]Ch 1
You've got a captivating intro here, that uses a very obtuse (but creative) way of setting up a chase scene. I like the pattern with one word sentences, followed by extended descriptions. Almost like you're trying to appeal to different senses. That pales in comparison, of course, to the world you wind up setting up immediately following this. I'll skip over the fact that, of all the regions, Unova just
feels like the type of region where this kind of scenario would fit the best. Because what impresses me most is that not only does the narration give me a pretty clear sense of Door's contrarian attitude and behavior (and how it puts her at odds with her own restlessness and cabin fever), it simultaneously paints this imposing sensation about the Unovan gov't and its officials while telling them (and the whole android bit) off with sprinkles of snark and attitude that really hammer Door's disgust at the whole system.
In contrast, our introduction to Door's Oshawott and partner (and Geist) is a far cry from the usual starter obtaining. Creative liberties are fun, aren't they? I got a kick out of Door's reaction to the Companion, since, despite it seeming to be big and imposing, it's still made to look like a human, so it's not like she's facing down some sort of terrifying monster. Which makes the fact that she (sorta) kept her wits about her enjoyable. And made it all the more hilarious when she totally loses her cool at Geist's request to go to Ironwood's.
“Nope!” She flashed a wide grin over her shoulder. “Professor Ironwood would in no way be pissed off at me for any reason whatsoever! She and I are on absolutely great terms!”
He stood there, staring at her with a strange expression, just long enough for Oshawott to climb up to his shoulder. Door, meanwhile, whirled back around and marched the rest of the way out of the alley.
“Come on, guys! Lots o’ walkin’ to do! Lots. O’. Walkin’!”
This in particular just made me laugh. Real smooth, Door. Real smooth.
Ch 2
Truth be told, Door was not. She was looking at her boss, yes. She stood straight, with her hands out of her pockets and her gaze locked onto his sharp, thin face, but she was not, in fact, listening to a single nasally word he said. Still, whenever he paused, she nodded, occasionally throwing in a short “mmhmm” to make it sound more like she was.
A+, 10/10. Door's more teenager than any teenager I've ever read in a Pokémon fic. She pretends to listen just like we all do! The pseudo-conversation that the narration helped carry with the assistant backed this part up, too.
And oh my god, Linus. Just... just Linus's introductory bio there. I never realized how much I needed an eccentric inventor-type character running a PC in Pokémon game until this bit. Now I want Game Freak to make it happen. Meanwhile, I really should've realized that Bianca is the absentminded professor in this scenario, but I did not make that connection. Which shows how good a reader I am. :V
“Oh? My Door?” Linus asked. “What did she do?”
You know, I sometimes find myself wondering that about my doors, too. Especially when they just randomly shut and
I'll stop now.
“I can’t believe you’re really turning this down,” Linus added with a chuckle. “Aren’t you always talking about going on some epic adventure?”
“Are you kidding me?! No, I’m not!” Door’s cheeks burned.
Lies! Lies and slander! No, but in all seriousness, I do like how Door's whole reaction to this is basically, "Ugh, busywork!" Because that's exactly what a teenager would think. And having it turn out that Linus basically tricked her into doing this is even better. Her reaction just totally sells it. A beautiful mix of incredulousness and self-loathing that is just, y'know,
so teenager-like it almost hurts.
Ch 3
Oh, Geist, you fool. Don't you know you can't reason with teenagers? If Door hates Opal, she's gonna keep hating Opal. That said, their weird little fluffy moment was a bit odd. Feels like Opal's taking the term "companion" a bit too literally. Hope she's not going to turn into a love machine, or I'm totally eating my words here. Actually, I know this was the big Route 1 encounter (and obligatory tackle battle, to boot), but Geist kind of stole the show here. His perennial upbeat attitude played great against Door's dour, "I wish I was anywhere else but here," brand of whining. And that Poké Ball toss at the end just reeks of style. Door's disbelief really sells it there, if you ask me.
Ch 4
Nice going, Door. Way to flip out about androids in the middle of public. Here I had her pegged as more of an inner monologue type of character. But, that doesn't seem to be the case. Whoops. Then again, Opal's quickly trying to reach Rotom-Dex levels of annoying. Now that would definitely be a reason to get upset.
“No, seriously. Don’t do this,” she said. “It’s bad enough I had to tell you exactly why I hate Companions. You might as well just come right out and say it.”
You know, when I saw Geist sympathize with Opal last chapter, this thought kind of spurted up in my head but I dismissed it super quickly, figuring that even if it was true, it was a twist you were saving for later. But here it is, getting dragged up the very next chapter. I'm not disappointed, if that's what you’re thinking. I feel like the easy thing to do writing something like this would have been to design Geist that way and make the "shocking" reveal at some point. But having it play out this way, with Door interrogating him like he did something wrong and Geist just giving awfully earnest (but somewhat confused) answers. It definitely sets up a much more interesting role for him down the line. Not to mention, again, considering how she's been acting, it's totally in-character for her to pounce on the Companion issue while it's fresh in her mind. Guess she's got more of an impulsive streak than I figured. It's all especially interesting since it gets tied into our not-Team Plasma of this story. I think it's cool that the overall focus is on androids, since your world allows Matrix's goals to move beyond just the Pokémon and set it apart from your average BW story.
But then N gets thrown into the mix, when I was expecting some sort of N equivalent for the Companions. Except he's already gone through the events of BW, and he's actually using real Pokémon. And he's sufficiently bizarre in his minimalistic interactions with Door. I'm not surprised he revealed that Oshawott is flesh-and-blood. I had an impression that that would be the case since the 1st chapter. That, of course, sets up more mysteries about all this stuff. But I'm sure it'll come around in due time.
Ch 5
You know, it’s so funny that Door insists android Pokémon aren’t real. Because they are real, in the sense that they’re made of matter and occupy a volume in the world. Geist’s kind of trying to apply that logic. By which I mean he’s not really applying it at all and trying to shut her up by annoying her with terse responses. And I
love it. Blair’s the meat of this chapter, though. I’m not sure what I was expecting her. Like, if she’s Bianca’s niece I was expecting some ditziness (the outfit definitely sells that). But she’s also got a bit of Cheren in her with her snark, self-confidence, and pride in her battling abilities.
“Probably. But what should I care? It’s none of my business,” Blair responded
Yup, everything checks out here. *sips tea*
What I think I really like about this introduction is that Blair seems to make Door even feistier. That might not make sense. Uh… basically, Door calls Blair a little brat, but she’s slinging insults and whining and pouting like she’s a bit of a childish brat, too.
“I’m standing right here, you know,” Door growled. “And what kind of name is Wilbur anyway?”
Blair huffed. “It’s a great name if you actually read once in awhile!”
Blair used Sick Burn! … It’s super effective!
On the other hand, Door’s swerve into hesitation toward attacking Wilbur feels quite believable with the premise that’s been established. Like, I know the Nuzlocke bit was mentioned at the start of this, but I find myself not paying attention to that because you sell the “android Pokémon could just straight-up put normal Pokémon in a coffin if you’re not careful,” bit. And I have this funny feeling that, even though Door insists she’s just playing along with Geist, she won’t be faking it for long.
Ch 6
Man, Door’s really ruminating on this man vs. machine stuff, isn’t she? I mean, I guess I don’t blame her. The opening bits of the narration felt a bit roundabout to me. Maybe it’s because it was casually stated earlier that her family’s the Companion creators? So, to me, it made the introductory stuff feel like a, “well, duh,” sort of moment. Maybe that was the intention, but I also felt a bit like the story had assumed I’d already forgotten about why she’d be so familiar with Companions. Eh, I’m nitpicking here.
“God, you must think I’m a jerk.”
Geist knitted his eyebrows. “Not really. I think you’re a teenager.”
You always know just what to say, Geist. Blunt, but effective.
I like the following conversation more. Mostly because it seems like Geist is kind of coyly trying to play a faculty mentor (of sorts) to Door. SHe even sort of calls him out on it, but Geist is too cool of a customer.
“I was told they dream of electric sheep.”
Roll credits!
I like (what I’m assuming is) the take on Cheren’s battle in the trainer school. Mind-screwy Dream Mist apparitions are a pretty cool, psychedelic element to introduce in what’s been set up as a much more technical-oriented world. And look at all this casual PC admin stuff you’ve got going on. In retrospect, I now understand why these characters are here like that.
And oh my god, with this title, I suppose I should’ve figured dreams might end up playing a role in this. But I never would’ve thought you’d not only present the Dream World as an uncontrollable entity, but one that could very well be reshaping the dynamics of your Unova through oddball dream portal phenomenons. That’s totally wild, maaaaaaan! I’m very curious as to how this whole Dream World is going to spill over into Door’s impromptu adventure. My initially guessing game skills makes me believe that there’s a connection to Team Matrix and its ilk. But I may be seeing smoke where there’s no fire.
Also, the focus that Scout’s gotten over Jack makes me think his death is imminent, but that’s just my experience reading Nuzlocke comics, I fear.
Extra #1
Aw man, it’s so strange reading an old-man N. And interacting with an old Hilda, no less. And the fact that they’re going to be trailing Door creates a big sense of intrigue. Not to mention what I’m guessing is the connection b/w Team Matrix and Team Plasma. I mean, the goals are kind of similar, but one’s machine-oriented.
Ch 7
Yas, you make the Striaton Gym into a pretentious, hoity-toity restaurant. I’m not aloooooone! *tears of joy*
“We’re in a French restaurant.”
“Beyond that.”
“We’re in a very pretentious French restaurant.”
Door has clearly learned much from working for Professor Ironwood. Also, Bebe’s a party girl apparently. I’ll make a note of that. *draws scirbbles on scratch paper*
Onto the battle and wow did someone overgrind. Scout disposes of his foe without even breaking a sweat. The second one had quite a bit more going on, and I do like the use of more generalized descriptors beyond simple moves (like some tossing and throwing going on). Not to mention Pomme getting straight up blasted into the light fixtures and lit up like a Christmas tree. That was pretty great.
My only criticism is don’t be afraid to use a variety of techniques. You were relying on Crunch quite a bit throughout your second match. A great trainer knows how to hold back their power and rely on a variety of moves to outwit their opponent.”
Variety of moves? Pffffbt, what do you think this is, the Pokémon anime? XD
Ch 8
AHHHHH Geist really is a companion! This is the part where I’d say, “I knew it,” and laugh triumphantly. But I was actually kind rooting for him to be human and just screwing with Door. That’s okay, though. The absolute casualness with which the reveal was made was totally amusing. And then there’s more AHHHHH with the reveal of Bill’s apparent fate. No way that’s not factoring into the story in some ways. I’ve got to say that the whole Dreamyard was ratcheted up to be way more dramatic than it actually is in the games proper. It kind of all blended together for me because I wasn’t entirely sure what sort of evil was happening here other than a Munna was getting abused for Dream Mist again. But Starr and Belle reappeared and, call me crazy, but Belle has a pseudo-Harley Quinn routine going on here that’s really bizarre to read. And also makes Door’s snarky comments about it pretty funny, to boot. But despite the higher-stakes situation, the ending bit with the Audino was an effective bit of mood whiplash, basically defusing any of the lingering tension.
Ch 9
The truth about Blair comes to light! I wasn’t expecting that, to be honest. I don’t really think I’ve read trainer fics with “deadbeat rivals,” if I can even call Blair that. But it’s a unique tidbit and the girls are able to start off on a better foot (though I’ll miss their bickering). Also, maybe I missed this earlier but holy PC admins, Batman. Door’s related to Bridgette? This is totally ridiculous. She should technically know who all the admins are and whatnot. Actually the backstory is all so very shocking. Maybe it’s because of the sheer volume that’s just been foisted onto me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have the information a sense of direction about this stuff (especially Geist and Team Matrix), but holy guacamole it’s a lote to digest. Not to mention the bit with Bridgette apparently being not much of a family woman. I get that not all the admins were going to be saints (even if you do like them), but I had always thought she was a nice, reasonable person. About the only thing I think I expected was that Geist is the prototype filled with possible experimental tech that Matrix could definitely be after.
And now, Door knew her as something else: as the woman who made a robot butler that looked exactly like a dead man.
Boy howdy, THAT’S a hell of a wham line right there. My god. It might be a bit convoluted but it’s definitely very interesting. However, it does address a bit of a gripe. The information is important (it’s setting up a big part of the story) and having it all together is very interesting. But, of course, it’s delivered in the form of Exposition: The Chapter. This chapter’s already been rewritten, and you’re definitely a better writer than I. I’m not really sure what I can say other than some future unnamed readers in the future might appreciate something to break up the pace of exposition chunks. Door’s occasional shocked comments or questions didn’t quite do that for me. I thought I had to point it out because it did drag on considerably longer than I was expecting.
What I mean to say, reader, is my name is Cassius Cassine, and in the following files, I’m going to walk you through everything you need to know to fix Bill McKenzie’s biggest mistake.
This, in contrast, had me a lot more engaged. Not that you’re really in a position to change this to Door moving through files. But this end bit was definitely the most interested part of the exposition for me.
Extra #2
Oh my god that lemony narrator at the start. Just… yes. All the yes. And equal amounts of that to Hilda’s Emboar being all “lol nope nice try” to Sautee. XD
And yeah, the fact that this is all apparently following the BW story strokes, and the characters from that are AWARE and CONCERNED about this happened has me very curious what the plan is for that.
Ch 10
Pfffffbt. She named her Audino “Knives.” Mortal terror, ladies and gentlemen!
Door slipped her hands behind her head and cast a smirk back at the other trainer. “I’m sure I can teach her how to be a vicious killer.”
We’re doomed.
Aww, look at Door actually being all mentor and big sister to Blair.
We’ll make a Professor out of her yet, dang it! Also, her team’s all normal-types right now. So, she’s very vanilla. I’ll shut up now.
So, rather than generic grunts, looks like Belle and Starr are getting recurring roles of sorts. I don’t mind. Certainly better than a bunch of generic grunts, if you ask me.
“First of all, shut up. Second, you didn’t look that dangerous.”
But she’s wielding Knives! *ba-dum-tssssssh*
THe battle itself, despite being early-game and thus being limited in its scope, was frantic just like the Dreamyard. With Door attempting to hold the fort against Belle while Blair (surprisingly) gets the jump on Starr. Like, dang, that was quite the turnaround from her “whoa is me” routine she was just going through at the start of things. And then it ends with a mad scramble for the exit. It was one of those situations where you’d expect a casualty but nope, didn’t happen. Also, even though it’s a brief text file, I see Lanette’s messiness and disorganization carries over to her text documents. XP
Ch 11
Door is so determined to keep Geist at an arm’s length. Bless your heart, you sweet, stubborn little teenager. No, but seriously, maybe you’re just drawing from your own experiences (or I’m vaguely recalling my own behaviors), but you write such a believable teenager. Like, of course Door would ruminate on that Patrat being real. Because living vs. androids is at the forefront of her actions. Also, I see she’s not a fan of early-game trainer battles. But really, who is?
“Because I’m your Companion.”
Relationship Upgrade Unlocked! *level-up jingle* I’m so glad I got to make that joke at least once. XD
And, hooray! Evolutions! Except Jack’s still an Oshawott. Though, I guess that’s your gameplay being shifted to match the storyline. As in, Jax is holding back using Jack, because in-universe Door doesn’t want her real Pokémon getting hurt. Thus, he has the least experience and arrgh I think I gave myself a headache.
Think of it like hitting puberty, only instantaneous and directly tied to your actions.
Why can’t it work this way in real life?! D:
Anyway, after the last few chapters together, it was a bit bittersweet seeing Blair and Door part. Like, I knew it had to happen. At the same time, despite Blair’s insistence that it’s to get stronger on her own and not hold back Door, I personally do think she’s afraid of Belle and trying to keep herself out of trouble. But that’s just me.
Ch 12
Maybe this is minor, but I like your updating of Nacrene to have, essentially, a bypass. Because bypasses are things popping up all around America, and are seen as a way to stay in “good parts” of cities but avoid bad parts. It’s kind of sad seeing it in Nacrene, as I liked that particular town and how tranquil it was. But, hey, it got me thinking at least.
Door jammed her hands into her pockets. “Or. You know. Common sense.”
“You’ll be surprised to know how rare that actually is.”
It’s kind of sad how true this rings. :/
Oh my god, Door actually meets Hilda. And Door has a slight fangasm moment. The “Door really wanted to kill Geist,” bits were just hysterical. This is definitely not how I imagined a meeting like this going. But it’s great. *scribbles “exceeds expectations” onto the fic report card*
She tends to wander around now, but maybe someday, you’ll run into her
I wonder if this is important?
“N, it’s okay,” she said. “Reshiram and Zekrom, they’re—”
Gee, I wonder if this is important?
And, of course, N’s gotta use the moment to be a complete creeper. But I do like the different perspectives here. Door's stubborn insistence on using Scout. Geist begging her to stop. Hilda insisting she stop. And N just talking about voices again like the space cadet he is. And her refusal to listen to anyone's help and her constantly saying she's got this. And man, it's entertaining seeing Hilda lecturing Door on androids and Door visibly trying not to snap at her. Just when you think that maybe she's going to get through to Door...
“Door!” he called “Wait! There’s something you need to know about the Nacrene Gym! It—”
She walked right into the pokémon center without even stopping to look back at Geist. For all intents and purposes, she simply acted as if he hadn’t said anything at all. Realizing she was ignoring him, Geist lowered his hand and sighed.
“It … doesn’t open until ten,” he muttered.
Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
Extra #3
Oh, hey, Rosa already.
That didn't take long. And N just continues to be weird. What makes it funnier is imagining him doing all of this as a shabby old man. Just... good grief.
Ch 13
“Door,” Geist sighed, “you fought one of these things last night. Literally last night.”
Door pays about as much attention as the teens sitting in the back of their classes at school, I see.
“I understand why you’re uncomfortable with Companions, and all I can say is I can’t force you to like me or the situation you’re in. As I’ve been telling you, it’s my job to do all that I can to guide you, but if that’s not possible, then fine. Do what you will.”
She stared at him for a few beats. And then, she shrugged, turned back around, and walked deeper into the grass. “Cool.”
Geist jumped. “I … really, Door?!”
Given Geist's penchant for smart-alecky remarks, I'm surprised he didn't see this coming. But, oh my goodness, it's like Door's ratcheting up her ardent refusal to acknowledge Geist. I guess the Companion link-up reveal somehow soured their relationship even more than already possible. But then you make the decision (and honestly why didn't I see this coming?) to tie that recent speed bump into an impromptu gym battle. I really like the idea, although it seems more like something Blaine would do than Lenora (or her granddaughter). I'm going to play along with Sophia, just for funsies! I swear these are my first guesses.
1st riddle: chess pieces (well, close enough to a chess set, I'd say. And Door totally froze up.)
2nd riddle: uh, the word "out?" (nope, clocks. Though they do have hands, don't they? Door certainly gets pissed at this quickly.)
3rd riddle: quiet (I guess that's close enough to silence?)
4th riddle: fire
5th riddle: yeah, I really didn't know what to say for this one. ^^;
6th riddle: a lighthouse (nope, way off)
And apparently "Lenora's" dreaded Watchog claimed a victim. Another Watchog. How appropriate. There was a delay, of course, but it looks like my predicition for Scout ended up coming true after all. I've seen too much Nuzlocke stuff, clearly.
7th riddle: puzzles (or riddles. As you can see, I'd lose this gym battle, or need my Companion)
Ch 14
Geist is quite pissed about what happened to Scout, clearly. But it looks like Door was really just that ignorant. And then when she learns the truth she lapses into her familiar "they're not real," routine. And then Belle just drops in and sucks all the tension out of the air with a pantomime routine. Brilliant.
“Like I care.” Door stepped forward and pulled out one of her poké balls. “Hand over the skull, or I’m gonna beat you into next Tuesday.”
"Oh, so sorry, but my calendar's actually booked through the end of the next week. How does two weeks from Wednesday sound to you?"
I'm going to admit, Belle's whole riddle me this routine confused me for a bit. So, they don't want the skull? And Belle is apparently just a crazy little creep with a wild streak. Certainly different than your usual villainous grunt, I suppose. I'm left with more questions than answers here. But I get the feeling that this Magdalene person is someone I've met already. I'm just not entirely sure who. Maybe she's related to one of the PC admins? Maybe Bebe or something? I don't know.
Ch 15
Aww yeah, Rosa's with Interpol. She's channeling Nate from PokéSpecial; I can dig it. It's interesting that she and Geist are theorizing that Matrix are just playing Plasma expies to lure Door into some sort of scenario that could (presumably) awaken Zekrom. That's totally crazy. I like the possible red herring idea that's brought up with Blair getting roped in, and Door just being there by pure coincidence. And the idea of summoning a Legendary and taking advantage of the region's general lack of real Pokémon is certainly quite a thrilling (and frithening gesture).
You certainly go out of your way to make Halcyon Labs seem like that imposing, nebulous science corporation that just sits there imposingly, like we were in a sci-fi movie.
She wanted to ask why he looked so resentful. Sure, she knew. She had, after all, intentionally spoken about him as if he was just a thing, and to be perfectly fair, she wasn’t in the least bit sorry about that. He was a thing. Period.
Woooooow, Door's jerkass tendencies are really getting turned up to the max. It's certainly interesting. Usually by the point of the first death you see the Nuzlocke protagonist sober up a bit and start to take things seriously. But Door's moved entirely in the opposite direction. Getting more indurant and more annoyed at everything happening. It's definitely a bold move, but I think it pays off because of the contentiousness you portray in these scenes. I don't like Door's attitude and I do want someone to slap some sense into her. And I think that's what you were going for.
“The quote is,” he said, “‘If you have the ability to do something good, you might as well do good. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life how you could have made the world a little brighter.’ And she never said it. She believed it, though.”
Considering this is a somber-ish moment, I'd be remiss not to point out that there's a word missing between the "life" and "how" in that second sentence.
With that said, given how contentious things were getting, having Matrix crash the HQ was perfect timing, and is quite the shocking swerve, especially since I (as a reader) was prepared for an exposition-heavy meeting with Door's extended family.
Ch 16
Now this particular Castelia hostage situation is far more tense than the one for the actual games. It's got gravitas behind it. And then you have Belle who's not taking the situation seriously at all. I mean, good grief; what's her deal, huh? In stark contrast, Lady Mags here is much more serious. She's perched on a Hydreigon, which makes me think she's the Ghetsis, but her actions make her more like N. So, I like that she's taking elements of both the main antagonists.
“The quote is,” he said, “‘If you have the ability to do something good, you might as well do good. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life how you could have made the world a little brighter.’ And she never said it. She believed it, though.”
Have I mentioned Door is
great at navigating these tense situations?
I might've been exaggerating that claim...
It's definitely telling that Door would rather go through Matrix's shenanigans in an effort to protect Blair, then listen to her own mother and save herself. I'm not 100% sure what it tells, exactly, but it's certainly more interesting than just your awkward, frosty greeting between mother and daughter. But, it turns out that doesn't end up lasting for very long. Because Geist's going along with it. And they've even patched things up ever-so-slightly. I'll take the limited progress!
“I was, but there are more important things at stake here. Sometimes, it’s best to set aside personal feelings to do what’s right,”
Man, Geist sometimes feel more human than Door. I'm guessing that's the point. XP
Ch 17
oh my god you actually did a gag with the honey.
Placing her hands on her hips, Door frowned. “So his apprentice just copied his work? That’s nice.”
“No. More like paid tribute to it,” Geist said. He kept his eyes on Door as he walked her down another path to another six-walled chamber. There, he pressed yet another gate post and added, “Honey is a versatile medium, you know.”
"Hey man, can I copy your homework real quick?"
"Sure, just don't make it look too obvious or anything."
“Oh sweet Jesus, why?!” Door barked.
“Relax,” Geist said as he leaned her way. “She’s wearing a leotard.”
She covered her eyes. “I’m pretty sure she isn’t, Geist! I’m pretty sure that’s just honey!”
Geist straightened his back and shrugged. “I tried to warn you.”
“By telling me honey was a versatile medium?! What’s wrong with you?!”
Everything wrong with abstract art, summarized very succinctly. I'm with Door here, to be honest.
Okay, on the one hand, look! Door's listening to Geist, finally and she doesn't leave Storm out against a Dwebble. On the other hand, holy cow this is Innuendos: The Chapter: The Novelization. Gotta put that rating to good use, am I right? :V
“Um. Where did you pull that out of?”
And we're done here!
Extra #4
Oh, so it would seem Door's more intimately connected to Team Matrix than I thought. From the sounds of family fued, it only makes me thing that, again, there's a PC admin (or former or relative or whatever) working behind-the-scenes for Team Matrix. And then N's just being... N. But apparently
GhetsisDENNIS' Hydreigon lives! Dun-dun-daaaaaaaah!
Ch 18
Or, rather, she knew that everything was odd about it, but none of its oddness explained how quickly everything was going. Three badges in less than a week. Had anyone in Hilda King’s day done that?
Player character acknowledges how quickly a Pokémon game can actually be beaten in real life. :V
How quickly we've moved from Door resenting Geist, to Door accepting his help, to now Door asking for his help in dealing with the Nimbasa Gym. I'm surprised with the pace of that progress, but it looks like Door's had her big "growing up" moment, and now we're seeing the results.
“Jesus!” she hissed as she shook her head. “The coffee around here sucks.”
One day, I will find a trainer fic that doesn't make the coffee in the centers abysmal. Today is not that day, but I'm hopeful it will happen!
Aw snaps! Mom caught up. And... aw snaps, she wants to battle? Awright, we're Norman-tier now! I do like that this is really the first battle where we get to see some differential terrain employed. And having Knives use the hard light projections to deal with the Munna was a neat touch. Having Virginia simulate Blair's team was also interesting, and an odd, off-kelter way to do the Castelia rival battle, for sure. At least it paved the way for Door to make up with her mom. Again, I'd expected this to be an ongoing conflict, but it's wrapped up swiftly.
Ch 19
Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That bit with the Darumaka was one of the funniest cases of "Nuzlocker doesn't get the first encounter they wanted," I've seen in awhile. But the good times end quickly because, predictably, Relic Castle turns into a spoopy-scary situation. There's a pretty tense atmosphere with the darkness and the Yamask. But then you introduce the Sigilyph. And then it's Geist to the rescue.
Remind me who the hero is in this story, again? This ended up turning into a rather impressive chase scene. Like something out of a horror movie. Which I guess is pretty decent for a Sigilyph being based on ancient glyph/ruin things and thus giving off that "cursed for all eternity" type of mentality. Of course, this all serves as a guise of sorts for revealing there's more to Geist than meets the eye.
By which I mean, he's definitely a Transformer. Maybe not Optimus, but he's gotta be high up there.
Ch 20
It's always interesting to see how you end up developing the different areas and making them change from their in-game descriptions. And Join Avenue being remade from the ground-up for hipsters? Pretty hilarious.
I mean, hipsters are the only ones who appreciated Join Avenue in B2W2 anyway, aha ha ha ha. But, of course, this is Door. And Door doesn't do casual, so we're going to the shady, sketchy place instead.
“You wanna stop staring at me like that? It’s really creeping me out,” Door asked.
“I don’t know,” Geist replied. “Do you want to tell Jack to stop trying to sneak up on me?”
You know they love each other, because Door's trying to kill him. <3 <3
“But it’s not like I would get killed, right? You’ve just got to keep your eyes peeled. Walk with purpose.” She pulled away from Geist and started down the alley. “You know. Be smart about it.”
I tell this myself every time I go beyond midtown, Manhattan. It doesn't work.
“My dear Door,” he said, “you said so yourself: I’m not capable of feeling real emotion.” He leaned towards her. “That includes arrogance.”
Geist is a precious smartass. Really a treasure. Actually, this whole Join Avenue tidbit is basically the two of them bickering like a couple in a sitcom. At least until the conversation with his enhanced possibilities and lack of knowledge about his structural framework. Good times don't last, however, because Belle's back. I thought Interpol had swooped her up, but she must've escaped. And this time they're actually able to get the drop on things. And here I thought Join Avenue would mean a breather chapter. Guess I was wrong.
Ch 21
Now that's a heck of a way to start off a chapter. Taking the BW gym locale and turning it into an abandoned roller coaster alley gives off creepy Monster Clown/abandoned amusement park vibes straight out of horror movies. Not to mention it's a very clever way to reframe the route 4 rival battle and the N fight. I feel like battling in low-lighting situations isn't really something we get to see too much of in Pokémon medium, so this was cool to read. As was the mobility issues brought up by the roller coaster and its track. Knives trick with the ball of light was particularly nifty and I got this "barely avoiding fall off a cliffside" feel from that stunt. Likewise the impromptu use of Jack's scalchop as a blockade. Always fun to see Pokémon using their appendages in outside-the-box ways. The Sigilyph was the scene-stealer for Belle. Not necessarily because any of its moves were all that amazing. Just on the virtue that you describe its movements in such an abnormal, almost alien manner that it really plays up the unnatural Sigilyph elements that you'd teased us with in ch 19.
But, of course, after that very extended action sequence (which you kept unique enough to make the whole thing entertaining; I'm given to understand that can be a bit tricky to pull off), rather than an escape an a reunion, she's pulled aside by our resident Big Bad. And you certainly do your darndest to make him as well-intentioned, pious, and holy as you can while keeping a bit of sinister unease in everything that he's saying. I think part of it is Door's naturally angry reaction to everything. Her hotheadedness plays well with Oppenheimer's cool customer routine. And don't think I didn't notice that "her companion," tidbit. D'aww, she really does care about Geist now. :3
And tying this all in to opening up the Dream World portal in the Entralink is very cool, and quite literally invoking the "dream" bit of that famous sci-fi short story. Also, given Oppenheimer's explanation of who plays what roll, I'm reeeeeaaaaaaally starting to think our Electric Messiah is Bill... or at least is strongly related to him in some way...
“A … a lost soul?” she whispered. “You’re raising the dead?!”
Oppenheimer reached for his walking stick and took its head in one of his hands. “I suppose you could look at it that way.”
Okay it's definitely Bill...
Door's "ZAMBIES!" routine kind of took all the dramatic tension out of that wham line though. If that's what you were going for, mission accomplished. <.<;
And apparently Hilda and Rosa kept the dragons this whole time, huh?
Boy, I bet they feel great having lived in Master Balls for half a century...
Also, Team Matrix stole the dead Scout? Because they're going to bring it back to life as a ROBOT ZOMBIE
PIRATE GHOST. I'm going to be honest with you though, the ending, though nice in the sense of adding some more substance to Geist's and Door's relationship, dragged a bit for me. Maybe it's because of just how much higher-stakes the rest of the chapter was. I don't really think they could be separated or anything, it's just strange that, it felt like Oppenheimer's departure was a natural stoppoing point, but instead things continued into an extended debrief.
Ch 22
Dear God, Knives is turning into a serial killer. Of all the personalities...
“Long ago, old, probably white guys decided that trainers can’t carry more than six pokémon. I don’t know why. Grandma or Dad probably explained it, but frankly, I wasn’t listening. The point is, if a trainer caught more than six, those extra pokémon needed someplace to go, so an old, dead guy and my aunt, Lanette, invented a way to store them on the internet using forbidden black magicks or something. I might not have been paying attention to that either. Long story short, Liepard’s safe but uploaded to a computer. Understand?”
10/10 best PC system explanation in the history of Pokémon.
Also, dang, Lostlorn Forest has seen better days. Blown up to hell and back again. Anyway, Geist is back and we're getting some more details about his schematics and how it might tie into Team Matrix. See, this general content makes me feel like it would've gone better in conjunction with the post-Matrix stuff in the previous chapter. Since it seems like a natural follow-up/extension of it. But, eh, I guess that's just me. The dream bubbles were definitely a sufficiently creepy factor, though.
“Okay,” he said. “Stay calm and move slowly. If we take things easy, then perhaps—”
The venipede stretched their mouths open and emitted a deafening screech, shortly before rushing for the human and her Companion.
“Plan B!” Door said, whirling around. “Run away!”
RUN AWAY!
Oh hey, the new Pokémon are getting in on the action too. Go team! A Pokémon stampede is pretty interesting, gotta say.
“Wait,” Door said, her eyebrows furrowing. “You mean to tell me you brought Zekrom out, and I missed it?!”
Geist frowned. “And you call the dragon of ideals Zappy?”
Geist has his priorities straight, I see. Also, Zappy is
almost as good a nickname as Turbine Butt. I say almost, but I mean I'm ahead by three country miles.
“Of course he is,” Geist replied. “It would be rather tacky of Halcyon Labs to create a yamask fauxkémon, you know, what with its rumored connection to the dead.”
“And you knew?!” Door snapped.
Again, Geist clearly has his priorities straight.
Ch 23
I like the atmosphere on the catwalk here. High-intensity, pumping energy. Just what I (kind of) imagined happening in B2W2.
Luckily, I’ve thought this through, and seeing as I can’t use sandile to take down her other signature pokémon, we’ll have to settle for Plan B: Knives all the way.
A great strategy, this truly is. *Yoda nod*
Even though it's a small detail, tieing the customizable field into a little bit of homesickness on Door's part (something which really hasn't come up since the very, very beginning) was a nice touch. Also, I see Elesa's Pokémon are all named after fashion designers (Coco Chanel, Giorgio Armani) because of course they are. I'm amazed I caught that, actually. XD
“And how is that fair?!” Door snapped.
Geist shrugged. “Because it’s legal.”
Every competitive battlers' worst nightmare: switching moves. Alternatively, "It's totally fair if I switch my Pokémon, but not if my opponent does!"
As to the battle itself, ooh la la! Attract actually getting put to use by the hero instead of being used against them. Also, dang, Armani went down surprisingly quickly.
Knives' victim count just keeps piling up, the little devil. Actually wait, Knives serious tanked the whole battle? I mean, I know Audino have a lot of HP (and Potion spamming is totally a thing) but good god, I have a hard time believing an Audino made it through all that abuse and didn't die. Willful suspension of disbelief couldn't quite buy that one.[/SPOIL]