Elemental Wars

[sceptilianmaster]

This is my first fanfic. Please read and review! I just hope its not too bad... Please advise me on how it can be better. Thank you!

ELEMENTAL WARS
PROLOGUE​

In the ancient times, the world was made up of the five elements, Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Metal. Each of these elements was embodied by a certain legendary Pokemon. Together, these five legendary Pokemon ruled over the planet. Those were peaceful times.

However, with every good thing comes a bad one. An evil force started to rise amongst the peaceful land. It called itself Armageddon. Together with its minions, Armageddon wreaked havoc in the world. It was absolutely merciless. Any Pokemon which stood up against Armageddon was instantly slaughtered. With every kill Armageddon made, it grew stronger and stronger by sucking up the life force of that Pokemon. Eventually, it made its way to where the legendary Pokemon lived. The Elemental Castle.

Armageddon and his troops bashed his way through the defences of the castle, waging war on the Legendary Pokemon. The Legendary Pokemon went on the offence and destroyed Armageddon’s forces with the effort of blowing dust away. They then started what is known today as the Ultimate Showdown.

The Legendary Pokemon and Armageddon fought a continuous battle that lasted for nearly a month. Both sides were getting weaker and weaker by the day. Eventually, the Legendary Pokemon could see no other options, and unleashed the power of the elements, which utterly defeated Armageddon . Armageddon, severely injured and weakened, retreated to a place where no one would ever find it.

However, with this victory came a price. The Legendary Pokemon, who were already extremely weakened, released their powers to, momentarily, defeat Armageddon. With their powers gone, they dropped to the ground, defeated. Before they died, they released what was left of the powers to the winds, to find the ones worthy of their powers, so as to vanquish Armageddon, whom they knew would definitely rise again…

;254;

 

[Astinus]

Not bad. Not bad. A few mistakes...:

Eventually, the Legendary Pokemon could see no other options, and unleashed the power of the elements, which blew Armageddon to kingdom come.

Not a phrase normally seen in stories, unless in dialogue. That's my two cents on the matter.

Armageddon, severely injured and weakened, retreated to a place where no one would ever find him.

Should be "it."

I'm not sure if you want to add more description in the prologue or not. So I'll just point out those mistakes and run away. *dash*

 

[sceptilianmaster]

You review fast...

Thanks anyway. I've changed them.
Now for the next chapter. The prologue and this chapter are quite short, but they will be longer from now on. This is only meant to be some sort of intro

CHAPTER ONE
BIRTH OF BAGON​

100 years later

Indeed, Armageddon had risen again. Armageddon, together with its army of those whom he considered worthy, wreaked havoc once again on the face of this Earth. However, without the Legendary Pokemon to protect this land, he had a clear path. He soon became powerful enough to proclaim himself the King of Fear. The mention of his name was enough to strike fear in the hearts of many.

Armageddon also knew about the powers of the Legendary Pokemon which were scattered to the winds, and vowed to find them. He knew that, if they found their rightful owners, it would be the end of him. He dispatched his five loyal servants, Sneasel, Umbreon, Murkrow, Houndoom and Sableye to find them, but to no avail. With that, he started formulating another plan…

High above the land, in the ozone layer, five orbs of energy were floating around. A red one, a blue one, a brown one, a grey one and a white one. These were the orbs of energy that the Legendary Pokemon expelled during their dying moments. Suddenly, the white orb plummeted down, in the direction of Hoenn. It had chosen its owner…

Some time ago, Armageddon went to Meteor Falls to recruit new members. It was a simple process. Those which refused were killed. The rest who agreed, however reluctantly, joined the ranks of Armageddon’s army. Among those who refused and was killed was a Salamence. As it lay dead on the ground, it still hugged its egg tightly. It had protected its young from the notice of Armageddon.

There was a loud crash. The ceiling of Meteor Falls burst apart, the white orb hovering there. It remained dormant for a while, as though scanning the place for its rightful owner. Then, it sped off in the direction of Salamence. However, it did not merge with the dragon. Instead, it merged with the egg. With the intense power, the egg burst apart, revealing a Bagon. The descendant of Air had been born.

 

[Astinus]

I didn't review as fast because I was cleaning my room.

Ah, this chapter gave me more back-up in my plight for more description. Hold on. Let me just point out this one mistake.

A red one, a blue one, a brown one, a grey one and a white one.

Seems like a fragment. I couldn't find a verb to go with all the nouns. Also, here in America, "grey" is spelled "gray." (It might be that way where you are from. I don't know. Sorry. u_u; )

Now, as for the description... In the part where Armageddon is recruiting, it seemed a little flat. I would like to have a general idea of what Armageddon looks like to you, so we can share a moment of telepathy and have a shared thought. Because that is what writing is: telepathy. You have to send an image to my mind. Do that by describing.

Other than that, nothing springs to my mind. Good luck.