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Emerald lands

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Nylf

Well-Known Member
Yep, a third fanfic by me, and I haven't been here a week yet!

Prologue

In Hoenn, many trainers have one goal, the Hoenn League.
One kid dreams but is unable to acieve, yet.

In the desert by Lavaridge, a little boy was sitting in the searing heat and sandstorms as if it was a cool breeze. Beside him was a small orange chick, with a yellow feather on it's head and little yellow wings.It was a Torchic. Also, there was a black bug with a massive head, 4 tiny legs and a smallish black body with orange lines running around the edge. This was a shiny Trapinch. Above them watching was a 6ft tall dragon with a light green body, a light and dark green striped tail with 3 red diamond shapes with green borders at the end. It had tiny clawed arms, big light green feet with dark green toes. It had 2 huge light green wings with dark green borders. It's head had two red bug-eye-like capsules covering it's slanted eyes, and 2 large green antennae. It was a Flygon, and the Trapinch's mother.

A dark blue helicopter, with a skull and crossbones like "A" on the side, appeared. It landed in front of a huge, temple-like rock. 9 men in pirate like clothes got out and headed towards it. The Flygon descended and landed right in the men's way, stopping them in their tracks. "Ah, the infamous guardian, well we came prepared. Go Glalie!". The men threw 2 pokeballs, which opened to reveal 2 large black and white snowball like creatures, with slanted eyes and 2 massive black horns. "Glalie, Ice beam!" the two men at the front yelled as the snowballs fired a blue, freezing cold beams at Flygon, which encased it in a block of ice. They turned to a man with a black beard, and navy business suit. He was wearing a light blue bandanna, with the same "A" emblem as earlier on the front. "What do we do now Archie sir?" the man at front asked. The man with a beard replied "Load that ice cube into the helicopter, then check the rock".

While all this was happening, the kid, Torchic and Trapinch had hidden behind a nearby rock. The Trapinch was curled up in a ball behind the boy, and he was reassuring the black insect.

The men had just finished checking the rock. "Nothing sir!", Archie simply replied "well then let's go, and we'd better dump this ice cube in the sea before it melts and attacks us". The men climbed into the helicopter and left. At that point, the boys Trapinch gave off an aura and the sandstorm seemed to intensify.

3 weeks later, the boy and his 2 pokemon were sitting in their room watching a live news broadcast from Lilycove. "I am here on the scene at Lilycove, where a famale Flygon has just washed ashore. Not much has been confirmed on this issue, but what has been confirmed by medical practitioners is that this Flygon has died of accute hypothermia!" The boy switched off his T.V. and turned to his Trapinch. The little bug was crying and had dug a hole in the floor to hide and cry in.

3 years passed since that day. The boy, now 14 years old, has just left his house to begin his journey. His name was Drake, and at his side were the same Torchic and Trapinch as 3 years ago. He was walking down the road, when he saw 2 trainers in a battle. One of the pokemon they were using used an Ice Beam attack. The Trapinch cowerd behind Drake, and began to cry....



Opinions soon please.
 
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Saya

Member for 15 years
Hmm...not too bad. It was a little short, but since it is a prologue I'll let it slide. Just remember that your chapters should be longer though; at least two pages on MS WORD. I liked your idea, and thought it was pretty original (though the teamsAqua and Magma are a little overused). You had some pretty good description at the beginning, but near the end you got very vague. There was almost no description by the last paragraph. You might want to cut out that last paragraph too, as it would be better to flesh it out for the first chapter. It would give us a better idea of the impact that day had on Drake and his Pokemon. Unless you have something else in mind of course. That's not for me to decide, but it's just a pointer.

Also, your use of numbers was slightly off. Whenever you use numbers in your writing never type them out like this: 3, unless the number is something higher than ten. Even then I like to see them written out. Three. That makes the story flow a lot better. Also, whenever someone speaks it should be a new paragraph. It makes your writing longer, and its easier on the readers eyes. It will usually help attract readers to your fic. I know from personal experience. ~_^

You had a few typos and such, but overall I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning of your fic. I'm hoping that your next chapter will astound me! ~_^

Keep up the great writing!

~Saya~
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330;Thanks, but I don't use MS Word, or any wordprocessor, since I write mine on A4. Maybe I should start wordprocessing though. And in the beginning I like to be vague, since it gets people interested. And just to spoil it, this will be a to-league story with a little romance(won't reveal new character) with a little final destiny thrown in! And Team Magma aren't in it yet but I have a really good reason for using those teams. Anyway next chapter when I write it.
 

Saya

Member for 15 years
Well, i think you should always use a WORD processor (except if you don't have one) as it's easier for everyone.

Sometimes vague isn't so good, but if it is what oyu want for your story then it's fine. Well, now that oyu mentiond a romance I'm interested :p Anyway, I hope you'll post chapter one soon!
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Prologue

In Hoenn, many trainers have one goal, the Hoenn League.
One kid dreams but is unable to acieve, yet.

4 tiny legs and a smallish black body with orange lines running around the edge. This was a shiny Trapinch. Above them watching was a 6ft tall dragon with a light green body, a light and dark green striped tail with 3 red diamond shapes with green borders at the end.

Where the numbers are, spell them out. So four instead of '4'. That's the traditional way of doing it. You write out the name of the number fully up to a hundred. Anything after that, it's acceptable to use numbers. The only exception is when the number value is the price of an item. Ex: 19.95

The men had just finished checking the rock.

Perhaps you could explain the procedure they had to do while checking the rock?

3
where a famale Flygon has just washed ashore.

Female, not famale. And.. died by Hypothermia? Not by drowning? since it was found in the washed upon shore and all... and obviously wasn't an icecube when they found here (or so I'm assuming).


The Trapinch cowerd behind Drake, and began to cry....

Just the reaction I would've expected from the Trapinch. Good showing of the after effects of its mother's death.
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330;Thanks, and the checking of the rock wasn't important. Flygon's death will be explained later in the story. Trapinch's experience is practically a curse. And speaking of drowning........(whistles and looks at a ;357;) Anyway just to spoil it if you have emerald you will recognise 4 of Drake's team soon. Drake's team is the team I'm gonna use in Emerald. Oh and there will be three main characters.

Oh, I won't be here for a week since I'm going on holiday for a week, so I'll write the next chapter to this and my other two fanfics while I'm off enjoying myself.
 
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Nylf

Well-Known Member
Sorry to double post, but had to write next chapter. I have taken your advice and started using MWWP to write my fanfics. Well here it is!

Suila


At Littleroot Town, a girl who had blue hair tied back in a ponytail, and who was wearing a form fitting aqua-blue shirt and a turquoise mini skirt walked into a large white building.

Once inside, she found she was surrounded by a large array of bookshelves and confusing machinery. She entered a room, where she was greeted by an assistant, and was asked to sit down. She felt really out of place, but she also really wanted that Mudkip…..

Meanwhile, a boy in a green hoody, with green hair, a yellow T-shirt and black track-suit bottoms was riding on the back of a large brown and green dinosaur with a leaf helmet, three bananas hanging from it’s neck and four huge palm leaves for wings, alongside a tall man in a pale T-shirt, grey trousers, numerous tattoos and short black hair. It was Drake and his father, flying on the back his father’s Tropius. “Dad, why do I have to start at Littleroot? I would have been better starting at Lavaridge, it’s way nearer to home” Drake asked in a whiny tone, “I would like to let you, but your Torchic and Trapinch are at a very low level, so you’re better off starting in Littleroot, and following the same journey route as most trainers. Anyway, you need to collect something from your Uncle Birch.”
“Birch!?!” Drake thought to himself, “Last thing he gave me was Torchic, and that was three years ago. Wonder what it will be this time?”
“Okay, we’re here Drake, I’ll see you after you get your third Gym Badge.” said his father, as his Tropius landed and Drake dismounted. “Bye Dad, I’ll see you soon!” Drake shouted, as his dad flew off on his Tropius. “One of these days, I’m gonna get a Tropius as well, and it’s gonna be stronger than even yours Dad!” Drake thought to himself happily. He then turned and entered the lab.

Back at Birches Lab, the girl from earlier has finally met with Professor Birch. A burly man, with thick brown hair and a similarly thick and brown beard, dressed in the usual ”professor“ garb greeted her. “Ah, you must be Suila. Your mother called earlier. I’ll suppose you want to choose a starter Pokemon, am I right?”
“Yes!!!” she replied, in a very excited tone. “Well I am afraid to say that two of my three starter Pokemon have already been taken, so you will have to settle for the one I give you, alright?” he replied, slightly patronisingly. Suila’s excitement disappeared. She answered very weakly “Sure.” She thought to herself “PLEASE BE MUDKIP,PLEASE BE MUDKIP!” as the Professor picked up a small, round, red and white Pokeball, and opened it………

At that point, Drake had made it to Birch’s office, and was sitting in the same waiting room as Suila had sat in earlier. “Great, another trainer. Maybe I’ll challenge them to a battle, I could use the practice.” He looked down at the two Pokemon sitting at his feet. Trapinch had dozed off, and Torchic looked ready to do the same. Drake thought “What would the pre-evolved form of Wobbuffet say in this situation? ’Whynaut!’” and Drake then proceeded to doze off.

Back in the office, Suila was now staring eye-to-eye with a small blue fish, which had four little legs, a large blue fin on it’s head, two sets of three orange gills on each cheek, and a large light blue tail fin. Suila was grinning ear to ear. “Yes!! I finally got a Mudkip” she thought to herself, but somehow Birch knew what was going through her head. “Well here’s it Pokeball, take good care of it”.
“I will!” she replied happily.
“Oh, before you leave, which challenge are you taking; Gym or Contest!”
“Gym, why?”
“I’ll explain in a minute. Drake get in here!” he yelled.

Drake awoke. With Torchic and Trapinch at his heel, he entered the room. “You called Uncle Birch?” he said drowsily.
“Wait, you’re professor Birch’s nephew?” Suila immediately questioned in her usual excited tone.
“Yawwwwwwn, yeah, why?” was all Drake could think to say. He was still rather drowsy, but he couldn’t help noticing the stunning appearance of the girl standing in front of him.
“Well you must know all about different kinds of Pokemon and…” There was a subtly dry cough from behind them, which interrupted Suila mid sentence.
“Well I don’t mean to interrupt your rather frankly riveting conversation, but there is a reason I called my nephew in here. I wanted to give you both a Pokedex. Since you are both doing the Gym challenge, and one of my more recent receivers of a Torchic annoyingly chose to do the contest challenge, I was hoping you two would fill these for me?”

“Sure Uncle!”
“Yeah why not!” the two teenagers replied. They were both handed Pokedexes, and then went outside.
“Hey, Birch’s nephew, why don’t we have a battle, to test our new Pokemon?” asked Suila, still using the same excited tone.
“Well mine are hardly new, but they haven’t got so much battle experience, so why not? Go Trapinch! And by the way, the name is Drake, Drake Dragonheart” Drake hastily replied.
“My name is Suila Tsunami, nice to meet you, now go Mudkip!” Mudkip and Trapinch both appeared in front of their respective trainers.
“Mudkip, Tackle!” Suila commanded, as the blue fish charged headlong at the black bug.
“Trapinch, Bite” Drake said quite calmly, as the black bug opened it’s cavernous mouth, catching the poor Mudkip mid tackle, which emphasised the “Trap” part of Trapinch.” Now throw it into the wall!” Drake yelled, as Trapinch threw the blue fish into the white wall at the front of the lab. “Now use Faint Attack!” he added, as Trapinch ran head-first into the weakened blue fish, knocking it into a blue skateboard with a Tsunami pattern on the underside. “Now use Crunch!” Rick shouted,
“Mudkip dodge!” was all Suila could think to tell her Mudkip, as it jumped out of the way of the charging black bug, which led to Trapinch engulfing the skateboard, instead of Mudkip. In it’s confusion, it closed it’s mouth and snapped the board in two.

“No, my skateboard! Your Trapinch broke my skateboard Drake Dragonheart! You’re gonna have to pay me back for it!” Suila yelled. (Wait a minute! I could have sworn I have seen something like this situation before, but I can’t remember where. Oh well, on with the fic) Drake sweat dropped. He promptly returned both his Pokemon and ran as fast as he could away.

“Don’t think you can get away so easily Drake Dragonheart! I’m gonna follow you till you pay up!” She yelled after Drake, as she promptly returned her Mudkip, then ran after him…



Any similarity to a scene in the first two episodes of pokemon is completely coincidental. Really, it is!
 
L

lone_wolf816

Guest
Interesting!! It has to be a bit longer though:p and make a new paragraph every time someelse starts talking. other then that a great start!

;133;
 

WaterTrainer243

Veteran Water Lover
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Drake's gonna have to pay for Suila's skateboard just as Ash had to with Misty's bike! Keep this coming!
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; It's like that? I never noticed(*cough*) Anyway I'm off on holiday tommorrow, so the next chapter may not be up for a while.(About a week).
 
M

metallic_pikachu

Guest
I thought the kid was Brendan at the beginning...eh heh...*sweatdrops*
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330;No, here's the biggest spoiler. [spoil] It's his grandson![/spoil]
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330;Sorry to double post. Here’s the next chapter!

With just a Lotad of Help.

“Where are you Drake?!” Suila yelled angrily, “I know you’re here, Mudkip can sense you’re here with it’s fin.”
“Great, just great.” Drake muttered. He had destroyed Suila’s skateboard the day before by accident, during their Pokemon battle, and has been forced to hide on route 101 and in Oldale. Other than hide, he battled some wild Pokemon, but when he did Suila noticed and forced him to run all the way into the town, and hide in alleys. He was lucky he packed a large lunch, since otherwise he would have had to come out of hiding. Drake knew his grandfather and father had given him some good advice, but he had forgotten it, of course.

“Dammit that skateboard cost a fortune! Come out and pay up Drake! Otherwise I will find you and kill you!” Suila was still ranting. Her parents were lucky to afford that awesome skateboard. They barely had enough to keep all three of them in food and water every week. It helped she’s now left on her quest, they don’t have to be so tight with their budget. Anyway it cost them so much, and Drake just destroyed it. She had been planning on asking if she could journey with that kid after their battle. Now she had no clue what to do. She didn’t even know where she was. She had just followed Drake. Her skateboard was wrecked, her hopes of having a partner on the journey dashed (I mean seriously, if she didn’t know where she was know, how was she supposed to find her way out, and meet other trainers to journey with?), and she was lost. Things couldn’t get worse….

“That’s it!” Drake yelled, completely forgetting the fact Suila was trying to find and kill him. His dad and granddad always said “If you in a row or argument, and it seems hopeless, make a compromise”. Now what should he do. He knew what to do, but not how to do it. He might as well examine the situation in more detail. Let’s see…, Suila doesn’t seem to be the best trainer, in fact she’s kinda clueless (and slightly homicidal). And he didn’t have much money, and the quickest way for trainers to make money was to journey and beat other trainers and….. Eureka! He jumped out of his hiding place, and Suila swiftly turned to face him, her anger quite visible on her normally smiling face. She had Mudkip in her hand, and pointing it rather ominously like a gun at Drake. She was just about to fire when Drake yelled,
“Hey Suila, before you kill me, I have an idea. I don’t have enough money to pay you back right now, so I’ll journey with you till I can pay you back, if that’s okay with you”.

She was stunned. He just offered to journey with her till he paid her back. Yes! Her problems were solved. She’s got a travelling partner, she’s gonna be paid back and she wasn’t going to be imprisoned for homicide! Perfect! But she shouldn’t seem to eager. She put on a huffy face, lowered Mudkip slowly, then dropped him, and finally replied in a rather moody tone, “Fine, that’ll do. So what do we do now?” Even though she trying her best to not be pleased, she couldn’t help but giggle when Drake took her arm in arm to the Pokemon Centre.

That night…..

“ So why are you travelling Suila?” Drake inquired, as they sat in the pure white waiting room of the Pokemon Centre. The blue, fluffy cushions of the sofa he and Suila were sat on really helped take the tension of earlier away. He couldn’t believe he was talking civilly with the person who had attempted to kill him earlier. It didn’t hurt they both had small cups of hot cocoa and it was a clear night outside, which meant some moonlight was coming into the room, so the lights weren’t on and the room itself had a gentle, warm glow.
“Well I want to prove you can be a Pokemon master using just one of the base three types as the centre of your team,” she replied, smiling. ‘Drake’s a nice kid’ she thought. He had shown her round the Pokemon Centre, explaining everything as they went. He then showed her round the town, acting as if he was a tour guide (she found it particularly funny when he pointed to an old woman with a Anorith, and said “Here we have a fine example of the ancient Pokemon of Hoenn, who thrived 5’000 years ago. Looks like she caught hers back when it’s kind were thriving”) After showing her round town, he went into the Poke’ Mart and bought her all the basic equipment (pokeballs, potions, that sorta thing, and she made a mental note to knock some of his debt off for that). Finally he took her into the Pokemon Centre again, and had booked them a room for the night. She couldn’t believe she had tried to kill him earlier. It would have been easier to stay calm. Still, she couldn’t help the way she was. And Drake seems to have gotten over it.
“What type are you using?” Stupid question. Very stupid question. He should have guessed by her starter.
“Water, I figure you would have guessed, Mr. Smarty-Dragon. Why are you travelling by the way?” She couldn’t believe he hadn’t guessed. ‘Oh well,’ she thought, ‘At least I’ve got a great nickname for him now!’
“Same as most people, to become a Pokemon Master. It’s actual a kind of family tradition. My grandpa’s in the Hoenn Elite Four, my dad’s a retired gym leader, my mum’s a master coordinator, my Dad’s brother is in the Kanto Elite Four, my brother’s a Pokemon Master in Kanto, Johto and Hoenn, and my mum’s brother is a Professor Birch.” ‘Oops, that sounded like bragging. Great, now she’ll either be annoyed or go fan girl on me,” Drake thought.
“Oh, so who’s your grandpa and uncle on your dad’s side?” ‘Quite the family history, who knew one person could be related to so many great trainers’ Suila thought, as she drank more cocoa.
“My grandpa’s Drake Dragonheart Sr., and my uncle’s Lance Dragonheart,” ‘Here we go, she’s gonna go fan girl on me,’ Drake thought, preparing himself mentally.
“Oh, that’s cool,” ‘I should of guessed by the name. Still, Drake Sr. and Lance may be cool, but they’re no Lorelei Tidal or Glacia Tundara’
“Thanks, we’d better collect our Pokemon and turn in for the night.” ‘Oh my God, she didn’t go fan girl on me. That’s a first’ Drake thought, both shocked and relieved at the same time.
“Right” She replied, throwing her cocoa cup in the bin and heading over to the room.

“Well here we are, our room!” went Drake, showing Suila.
“Wait, we’re sharing a room?” Suila immediately questioned, looking sort of worried.
“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but don’t worry, just wear your T-shirt and underwear to bed, there are only blankets, so it gets kinda cold at night”,
“Ummm, slight problem with that,”
“What, you’re not wearing a t-shirt?”
“There’s that, and I’m also not sorta wearing the other thing…..”

The next morning….

“Time to go Suila!” Drake said, poking the sleeping girl. She looked different without her ponytail.
“Wazzaf***isgoingontimeisit?” she said, extremely drowsily.
“It’s time to leave, and it’s half past six in the morning” he replied, surprisingly awake-sounding.
“SIX THIRTY!!?? You’re awake at this hour?!” (Didn’t take her long to wake up, did it?)
“Yeah, and for good reason. The wild Pokemon are still drowsy, and there aren’t many other trainers out at this time, so we don’t have to worry about too many fights” he replied to Suila’s surprisingly loud and awake question.
“Since you put it like that, could you leave so I can get dressed?” She said, not daring to sit up (you heard what those two were talking about last night).
“Yeah, fine” answered Drake, putting his hands on his neck and leaving, his Trapinch and Torchic at heel.

10 minutes later….

“OK, let’s go!” Suila said, and as she said it she stood on one leg, then raised the opposite hand in the air, cheerleader-like. Drake, Mudkip, Torchic and Trapinch all sweat dropped. Once Drake and the Pokemon regained there composition, and Suila stopped standing on one leg, they set of down route 102.

They walked through the tree’s at the edge of town, and finally out onto the path. They were greeted by a spectacular scene. Thick, green grass, crystal clear pools of water, thick patches of trees and of course, trainers, their Pokemon and wild Pokemon.
“Hmmm.. the dex says that the Pokemon on route are Poochyena, Zigzagoon, Ralts, Wurmple, Lotad and Seedot, nothing I want to catch in particular, what about you?” Drake said, turning his sideways and finding Suila peeking over his shoulder.
“Well which are water Pokemon?” Suila answered and asked.
“Lotad’s the only water Pokemon, and you could just do this on your own dex, instead of peeking over my shoulder.” Drake replied, narrowing his eyes when he looked back at Suila after checking his dex once more. Suila giggled, embarrassed, Drake was right, she could have. She promptly looked up Lotad in her dex, and found it.
“Lotad, Water and Grass element. No further information available, due to lack of capture.” A robotic voice said.
“Well then, I want one. I need a grass type, and Lotad is sooooooooooo cute!” she said, doing the same stance she did earlier, which also led to the same reaction as before.

Drake was sitting by a particularly large pool of water. The best place he could think of to find a Lotad. He himself had caught every other Pokemon there was here, and promptly teleported them to Professor Birch. Once he had caught one of a type of Pokemon, he then just had either Trapinch or Torchic defeat it. It had been so long that Trapinch and Torchic were now both level ten. Suila on the other hand, was crawling around the grass behind them, and was getting attacked more often, but generally the high pitched screech she always let out when she ran into one always sent them running. The few who did stay, she never caught them just beat them. Eventually, Suila came over to Drake holding an unconscious Mudkip in her arms. Drake sighed. She gave him Mudkip with a worried expression on her face, while he simply pulled a small yellow gem out his bag. He placed it in Mudkip’s mouth, then sprayed it with a potion. Mudkip woke up, and Suila thanked Drake by giving him a hug on impulse. Drake blushed slightly, and his two Pokemon sweat dropped, while Mudkip seemed utterly fascinated. Then a small creature leapt out the water.

“Lotad!” the creature said, as Suila and Drake broke out of their embrace and stared at it. It was a small blue bug, with a duck beak, blank expression, and six stubby little legs. To top of it’s unusual appearance, it had an enormous lily pad on it’s back.
“I can’t remember, is that it?” Suila asked, still staring at the blue creature.
“Yep” Drake replied.
“Now what do I do?” Drake face faulted at this comment. He dragged himself up and answered,
“You battle it, and then when it’s weak you throw a Pokeball.”
“Ok, go Mudkip,” she said, as the little blue fish/frog thing leapt forward. “Use Tackle attack Mudkip,” yelled Suila, pointing at Lotad. Mudkip immediately charged headfirst into Lotad, knocking it over. It didn’t get up.
“Ok, that seemed too easy, Suila what level’s your Mudkip?” Drake asked quizzically.
“Later, I want to catch Lotad first, OK?”, she said, as she looked over to Drake, and he merely nodded. “Pokeball, go!” Suila yelled, as she threw a Pokeball at Lotad. It missed it.
Drake and all the conscious Pokemon (I.e.: not Lotad) face faulted. “Oops, Mudkip, could you get it so the big white button on the red and white ball touches Lotad?” Suila asked, rubbing the back of her head nervously. Mudkip nodded, then shot a stream of water at the Pokeball, causing it to roll towards Lotad until the button touched it. The ball opened and a red light shot out. The light dematerialised Lotad, and sucked it inside. It then started to shake, once, twice, thrice, ‘Ping’. The button flashed red, which meant a successful capture, Drake got up, picked up Lotad’s ball and threw it to Suila.
“Well done, but work on your aim a little, OK?” Drake said as he threw the ball.
“Yeah, whatever,” went Suila as she caught it, then waved her free hand in a ’I don’t really care’ manner, “ Anyway, I caught a Lotad!” She performed her cheerleader stance, with Lotad’s Pokeball in her raised hand. Drake sweat dropped, laughing a little. Suila realised Lotad from it’s ball, and the two trainers and their four Pokemon continued on their journey.

There you have it. Opinions soon please.
 
L

lone_wolf816

Guest
Finally an update! I like the humour and the description like when Drake joked about the old lady! And i think my Umbreon Shadow has something to say to you...

;197; Drake and Suila sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! i'm sensing some shipping!

now that thats out of my system i will say that your writing is getting better but you need to make more paragraphs.

;197;
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;359;Shoulda seen sommat like that coming.

;330; That's what you get for doing stuff like that Cina, and what did I tell you about the first spot?

;359; Sorry S.F.

;330; S'alright Cina. Now then, I'm saying nothing 'bout the plot. But did you read the part about the rooms, I added it when I was typing and it was hard not to laugh.
 

legendaryrider

Soul Trainer
Shiny Flygon said:
;330;No, here's the biggest spoiler. [spoil] It's his grandson![/spoil]

Okay. i just thought it was drake because his fave pokemon is flygon.
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330;I thought Drake's favourite was Salamence, oh well. Thanks Lone_wolf for the review.
 

Nylf

Well-Known Member
;330; Sorry to double post, but the next chapters coming along slowly b , so I'm giving a long distance preview.

[spoil]The desert sands whipped around the trio. Nylf was overjoyed, he was home. He immediatly buzzed over to the local Trapinch colony. Drake was overjoyed as well. The searing heat and vicious wind were like a soothing breeze to him. He and his grandfather had spent many an afternoon just relaxing here. It held the fondest memeories of his childhood. Which helped him overcome the deep melancoly he had been suffering for a while.

Tac had his arm around Suila, who seemed surprisingly colder than usual. Her Marshtomp seemed happy to be in the desert, as did Tac's Metang and Camerupt. Drake's gut plummeted. He hated seeing Tac and Suila together. But what his grandpa had said, and about the way Suila seemed to be less warm to Tac than she had been assissted him in the task of keeping a straight face.[/spoil]

It's jumping ahead a bit, but I think this is too good a preview to not show.
 

Felix Feral Fezirix

Densetsu no Pikachu!
That was a big spoiler. Very big one.

Prologue
It's a bit too short aand I think you learned how most people get their grammar right in their fic. Hehehe. Well you managed to show why Trapinch is so afraid of Ice Beams.

Chapter 1
Some jokes here! Yippee!
Okay... The one about the bed was funny. Innocent people are unable to understand it....The Anorith one was slightly funny. Overall an okay chapter.
 
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