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End Day - One Shot

tyferno

Blazing Knight
this is a entry to the Myths and Legends - Oneshot contest. http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=156770

End Day - Tyferno(C)

In the world of pokemon, there are many mysteries. Some more confusing then the next. But on this day...End Day, everything will be uncovered.

"Tike, Tike! Wake up!" A voice said with a eerie wind following.
As Tike got up, his Blastiose friend Sean explained to him what was going on for the past hours he's been asleep.

"Dude you missed it all! A Rayquaza rushed by our house. I heard Suicune, Entei and Raikou were racing towards the north,too. Even the three birds are flying north. Somethings up! Should we go?" Sean explained in a serious voice.
"Woah yea, something must be wrong. Rayquaza never leave the Ozone Layer! We should go!" Tike said determined to find out what's wrong.
The Charizard, Tike and the Blastiose, Sean took off to the north. Tike carried Sean over towering mountains and endless valleys.
"Coo-Where might you boys be going?" A Pigeot asked as it flew with them.
"We heard about the Legendarys." Sean replied as he signaled Tike to drop him into the vass ocean below them.
"Coo-Ah I have heard of that! The day all power merges to stop the end." The Pigeot said in a stern voice as it flew east towards the forests.
The two continued north, until they reached a island they have never noticed before.
As they landed on the new found island, they looked towards the center of the island and saw vast forests and towering mountains covering the huge island. Thunder clouds could be seen at the tips of the mountains.
The two ventured into the forests. The quiet forests were empty. No yells of mankeys in the distance, no buzz from the beedril, just empty. As the boys got into the clearing, towering mountains surrounded a center ruin. Huge roars could be heard coming from the ruins.
"Hey, what do you think is happening in there?" Sean asked Tike.
"Im going to find out!" Tike said as he ventured into the dark ruins.
Tike's burning tail lit up the dark path. The path continued forward but down. After walking through the path, a distant light could be seen. As the two raced towards the light, Rayquaza could be seen using its massave hyper beam. As the two boys watched in disbelief, Mew and Celebi approached the two boys.
"Why have you come. Only those worthy were allowed in here." Mew said in a innocent voice.
"We felt something was wrong so we came to see what was happening." Tike responding as he watched in amaze as more legendaries came to battle a creature they hadn't seen yet.
"You shouldn't be here. Its not safe" Celebi said as she teleported them to another area in the room after a hyper beam was aimed at them.
"Well since your here, help us fend off Jicorra. If he survives then all is lost." Mew said as he used Psychic to block a fire blast with a ruin piece.
As Mew and Celebi joined the other legendaries, the two boys moved towards the battle to find the Jicorra. A huge pokemon, five heads, five types, five attacks at once. It was unbelievable. As Tike was powering up his Blast Burn, Rayquaza fell behind them. A huge clash hit the ground. The ground under Rayquaza crumbled to dust as Groudon appeared. Soon the hole filled with water and soon Kyogre appeared. The Land, Sea, and Sky pokemon were here. Each glowed brightly. But each fell like flys minutes later.
"Hey boys, get outside! This place is gonna crumble!" Groudon roared as everyone else got out of the ruins.
Soon after the ruins crumbled but Jicorra was still alive. Days went by as everyone battled Jicorra. Jicorra was once the ultimate pokemon. Naturally created by nature, it was to be the guardian of the L.E.D, Legendary Existance Data. No one was to know why the legendaries were to exist. But two boys found out.
"Arg, I think i know why the legendaries were created. They were created to protect us. To keep us safe. Thats why we arn't gone now. They are protecting us even now, even when their own lives are at stake. They protect us. So we protect them." Tike roared over the massave attacks of the legendaries and Jicorra.
Tike charged his Blast Burn while Sean charged his Hydro Cannon. Out of no where, from the forest, a Venusaur appeared.
"Hello boys." He said as he charged up his Frenzy Plant.
The legendaries gathered up behind the three boys and got their attacks ready. Just as Jicorra appeared out of the ruins, everyone unleashed their attack directly at Jicorra. As the smoke and dust cleared, the shape of Jicorra could be made out. Once all the dust cleared a glass figure was replaced by the living breathing Jicorra.
"Thank you boys. By the way, who are you, Venusaur?"Deoxys said as he transformed back to normal form.
"Hah I'm the guardian of this forest. I lay asleep until one realizes the truth. But now I take my leave." Venusaur said sternly.
After everyone raced across the ocean towards the Pokemon home. The scene of the legendaries racing across the calm, peaceful ocean was a magnificant sight. Pokemon from near and far gathered to watch the view.

That day, everyone found out why legendaries were created. To serve those in need. Even at the risk of their own lives, they shall do anything. The rarety was made so little talked about the legends. Legends were Myths. Myths were spoken of alot. But never proven. They were meant to be false. But the world is never perfect!
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
... what is this? ._. seriously. Just .. I don't give a damn if it's a contest entry or not .. Go and read advise for aspiring authors, get a better grasp of properly structuring a fic X_x and .. learn that rushing and writing in the reply box DO NOT EARN BROWNIE POINTS.

*Hits you with the rules and advice threads*
 

Psychic

Really and truly
You certainly deserved that whack from Yami.


Seriously, go and read the Stickies of the forum. ALL of them, especially the Rules and Advice for Aspiring Authors.
Because you really need to learn a thing or two about writing fanfiction.

Like, for instance, the reply box can't help you find and fix your spelling mistajes. Type on Microsoft Word because it CAN help you, then copy, paste and post.

Second is that you need to skip a line every time a new paragraph starts. You may have noticed the lack of indentation on this forum. So to make things easier to read, we skip lines. Right now, your story is just a big eyesore block of text.

Thirdly is that things need to be described. Like, tell us what the characters look like, even if they ARE Pokémon, and popular ones like Charizard. Sometimes I forget what Deoxys looks like, and it's YOUR job as a writer to tell me. Also, I have no idea what the scenery looks like- is it sunny or snowing? I don't even know if it's night or day! Why? Because you wouldn't tell us.


Another thing is that your story is both cliché and corny, not to mention probably written in under seven minutes. The non-Legendary characters, who hardly have personalities, are self-inserts, while the Legendaries, though you try to make them out as being kind, noble and caring, are corny and flat and seem rather stupid to me. Especially since these are pretty much GODS, going out of their way to help any little Pokémon in need.



I would go on, I really would. But it seems like such a waste- I think you'd just ignore me anyway. Show me signs of having read the Stickies and having a basic idea of how to write. Show me signs of using a word processor so as to eliminate the horrible spelling and grammar mistakes that litter your post. Show me signs of putting in an actual effort, working on it for over fifteen minutes, going over it, correcting it, adding in whatever is needed and taking out whatever is uneeded or generally bad.

THEN we'll talk.


~Psychic
 
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