The first of the four Exquisite Corpses! Expect the others during the week.
The order is evident from the spreadsheet, but nonetheless, I wager many don't remember, so I've put the names of the authors for each part in a spoiler tag. Then you can see who wrote each part, including the long first part! :V
Some strong language features in this EC (part 3, primarily).
The light of morning shone on the Galarian countryside, illuminating the hills surrounding the small town. A little ways away, past Route 1, sat a quaint little house, where a woman opened the windows to greet the day.
Of course, today was the day. Just last month, her daughter had won the yearly rental tournament, hosted by none other than Champion Leon. Thanks to that win, she now had the letter of recommendation required to begin her journey as a Pokémon Trainer. Soon that kid would be clamouring down the steps, in a mad rush to get to Leon’s house as quickly as possible…
…
The weary mother sighed. Or she could sleep in on the most important day of her life. After all, she must’ve been up all night getting excited over this. It was only understandable, really; nothing wrong here at all. Soon, she was going to get up and get ready.
She turned to stare at the stairs. A few moments passed. She glared. Very soon.
Marching towards and up the stairs with the rage and indignance of ten Hydreigon, mother stomped right up to the door to her daughter’s room and slammed her fist against it. “Shield!”
The ruffling sound of movement. “...Huh?”
“Shield! Wake up!” yelled her mother, growing steadily angrier.
Inside the room was a girl ill-prepared for the journey ahead, dressed in nightwear and burying her head deep into a pillow in her vain attempts to block out her mother’s voice. “But mum…”
“Don’t ‘but’ me, it’s the middle of the morning! You should be up by now!”
“... I’ll sleep for as long as I ****** feel like,” retorted Shield, her own voice starting to rise.
“What did you just say to me?!”
“I said,” Shield lifted her head from her pillow. “That maybe if you didn’t snore like a Weezing with a cold, then maybe I could get some bloody sleep!”
“Watch your tongue! No daughter of mine is becoming Galar Champion talking like that!”
“Champion? What are you…?” It took a moment to process before she remembered. “OH!”
Shield bolted from her bed and hurriedly began to prepare herself, cursing all the while. How could she have forgotten this?! A change of clothes later, she burst out of the room, ignoring her mother, and ran to the bathroom to fix her case of bedhead.
Her mother approached from behind, standing at the bathroom door with her arms crossed. “I can’t believe you slept in on your trainer journey.”
“It’s not that big a deal.” Shield winced as she tore a brush through a particularly bad knot. “I can still get there on time if I book it.”
“That’s not the point!”
“It’s always about points with you, innit? If I’m not late, then why should it matter?”
“And if you are late?”
Shield checked to see if her hair was okay, then turned around and ran out of the bathroom. “I won’t be!” She ran past her mother, down the stairs, grabbed her bag of the kitchen table, stuffed the brush in there, and ran out into the cool morning air.
Her mother came scrambling after her. She hung out from the front doorway and shouted: “You’d better come back to say a proper goodbye later!”
“I will!” Shield yelled back as she fumbled through her bag and pulled out a green beret, which she placed on her head.
And so, she began her run to Leon’s house in earnest. It wasn’t far: they were neighbours after all. The house was the only one besides hers that existed on the other side of Route 1. It was an… odd design choice, to have them so far away from the town. But at least that meant she’d get a good chance to train on the route. She passed by the sign on her way, where she stopped to get a look at the herds of Wooloo grazing on the tall grass. Wooloo was a fairly standard first catch, and probably not very strong, but it was cute. She imagined what it would look like on her dream team. “Maybe...” She let that thought linger as she continued her run.
Finally, she was there. Shield entered the yard and was prepared to offer an excuse, only to find no one there. “...Huh.” To the side of the house was a small battlefield in front of both a shed and pond, with a nearby empty table complete with unoccupied chairs. She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone, and found the time to be just a couple minutes before nine. That meant she was early, but to get here before Leon’s brother, who lives here? She couldn’t for the life of her remember his name, but whatever it was, it didn’t make sense for him to not be here.
She took a step towards the front door, only to hear a sharp rustle come from a tree nearby. She stopped. “Who’s there?!” And when she turned around…
“Ook?” Sitting low on a branch was some green figure. She moved towards the battlefield to get a closer look, and found a Grookey, clutching a Sitrus Berry close to its body. “A Grookey?! What are you doing here?!” That was a rare Pokémon, just sitting in her neighbour’s yard! She knew Leon was rich, but this was little much! “Or, wait, aren’t you one of those starter Pokémon I’m supposed to choose from?” He wouldn’t have just left them here. Or would he? “The only thing you could trust a complete fop like him to watch over is his own statue,” Shield lamented. “But if you’re here, then where are-”
All of a sudden, something small and soft came crashing into her backside, causing her to fall to the ground. She only barely manage to break the fall with her hands, leaving a stinging sensation from scraping them on the blacktop. Shield growled in frustration. “Okay, who did that?!”
Standing behind the Grookey’s tree was the unmistakable form of a Scrobunny. The rabbit Pokémon was pointing and laughing at Shield’s misfortune. “You think that was funny?!” She pushed herself up and held up a bruised fist. “It’s about to get a whole lot funnier after I’ve shoved my fist-!”
Her mother’s words rang in her head. “Shield! There’s a time and place for everything! But not now.”
She threw down her fist and glared at the Scorbunny. At first it seemed confused that she stopped, but it went right back to taunting her. “You may be laughing now,” Shield warned. “But after I pick Sobble as my starter you’ll get to see what my bad side is really like.”
As if called by name, the Sobble that Shield knew must be here came crawling out of the pond. It’s perpetually spaced out stare was probably the least threatening thing Shield had ever seen, and the way it tilted its head did not help at all. “Hopefully it gets more menacing after it evolves…” Without warning, Scorbunny zoomed right past Sobble, which spooked the poor thing badly enough that it started crying. All this commotion was sapping away her patience. “Ugh, what’s taking Leon so long?!”
“HEEEELP!”
Sobble stopped crying, Grookey dropped its berry, Scorbunny peeked out from behind the shed, and Shield looked in the direction of the scream. “What was that?” The voice was male, and was coming from the direction of... her house? She ran out of the yard and towards the noise to investigate. As she got closer, she could hear the faint sounds of something barking coming from the forest nearby. Without stopping to think, she ran right in. The thick foliage made the forest floor somewhat dark, but the barking led Shield onwards, over roots and around tree stumps, until finally…
“Help!” At the base of a tree, a Zigzagoon was barking fiercely at a dark skinned boy with purple hair, who was holding on to the trunk for dear life further up.
Shield stopped and watched. “Dark skin and purple hair… But he doesn’t look like Leon,” she thought. “That must be his brother!” But then where was Leon? If he wasn’t here to be responsible, then she just had to take things into her own hands.
“Hey!” The Zigzagoon’s barking was interrupted by a stick, flying straight into its side. The black-and-white Pokémon turned around angrily, its tongue lolling out as it finally noticed Shield. “What are you picking on him for?! You think you’re worth somethin’ cause you scared a human up a tree?!” She got into a fighting stance. “If you want to prove something for real, then come and get some!”
Shield was ready for the situation to escalate, but then, a white and orange blur came speeding out of the undergrowth, lightly punched the Zigzagoon from the side, and ran in front of Shield. “Scorbunny?!”
Scorbunny looked back and winked, then let out a few taunts of his own. “Scor! Scorbun!”
Zigzagoon changed targets. Beginning its attack, the Pokémon lunged from side to side, moving forward in a zigzag pattern as it advanced on Scorbunny. The rabbit Pokémon waited patiently, until at the last second it jumped over Zigzagoon’s Tackle and landed on its head. Quickly, it jumped off and ran, shouting taunts as it created distance. Zigzagoon pushed itself up and turned back to glare at Scorbunny, clearly annoyed at this game it was playing. Scorbunny just egged it on.
But, as the Zigzagoon was about to continue its attack, a sharp wind blew through the area. And then suddenly a shout: “Flamethrower!”
A Charizard came flying in from on high, and in an instant the stream of flames coming from its mouth turned the Zigzagoon from fighting fit to on the ground and knocked out. The boy in the tree saw this as his chance. He dropped down, fumbled with his pockets, and pulled out a round object. “Go, Pokéball!”
The pokéball flew threw the air and hit the Zigzagoon directly, converting it into energy and capturing it. The ball shook once, twice, three times, and… Catch! “Yes!” The boy ran over and held his new catch up high. “I caught a Zigzagoon!”
“Congratulations, Hop!” A figure dropped down from the sky, landing on both feet. As he slowly got up, Shield recognized the unmistakable form of Champion Leon, his logo-cape fluttering in the wind created by his Charizard’s wingbeats as it landed beside him. “But you should have known better than to come out here by yourself.”
Hop looked down at his Pokéball in embarrassment. “Sorry Leon. I just thought that, if I caught something before you got here, I could impress you with it.”
“That’s all well and good,” said Leon, his arms crossed as he walked forward. “But, you have to remember the first rule of catching Pokémon: always weaken it first. And you can’t do that without another Pokémon.”
“Yeah, I should’ve thought that through… But I’m okay thanks to you!”
Shield coughed loudly. “Ahem! I’m the one who came to your rescue first?”
Hop looked over, slightly surprised as if he just now noticed her there. “Oh, right, you’re the one who won the battle tournament! You and Scorbunny helped a little too!”
A little? Shield almost wanted to punch him for that. So what if Leon did all the work, she’s still the one who got there first!
“So you chose Scorbunny as your starter?” asked Leon.
The question distracted Shield from her rage. “What?” Scorbunny was sizing up Charizard, poking and prodding at it. That troublemaker as her starter? “No, I haven’t even made my choice yet. He followed me,” she said. And then her anger came back as she remembered. “He’s here because you just left them there in your yard!”
Leon just laughed it off. “My bad! I figured that since the other two are so mellow, it’d be fine to leave them there. I don’t think they have it in them to escape.” He said that, but quickly the smile fell from his face.
“What?” Shield turned around, and found Grookey, sitting there with a half-eaten Sitrus berry in its paws. The Pokémon was startled by the attention and ran off.
Wait, Grookey!” Leon pointed at Shield and Hop. “You two! Wait at the house for me, I’ll be there as soon as I catch Grookey. Charizard, come on!” His Charizard gave a quiet grunt of confirmation, and together the two ran off to catch the runaway Pokémon.
“Well now that he’s gone,” Hop started. He offered his hand. “Your name is Shield, right?”
Shield ignored his hand. “Yeah. How did you know my name? I never told you, I don’t think.”
“We’re neighbours, right? And you won the battle tournament, so of course I know your name. Do you know what mine is?”
“Of course I do, I’m not stupid. It’s Hop, right?”
“Yup! I’m Leon’s younger brother, which naturally means I’m destined to be the next Champion of Galar!”
Shield was beyond skeptical. “You, the Champion? After that?”
“I know I still have a long way to go, but someday I’ll be just as good as my brother! But we should probably get back so we can choose our starters first.”
Shield sighed. He wasn’t as arrogant as his brother, but clearly there was something in the genes. “Right.” Together, the two headed back.
~
“Alright everyone, line up!”
Back at the house, Leon had all three starters line up on the edge of the battlefield. Scorbunny, Sobble, and Grookey; which one did Shield want to take with her?
“You pick first,” Hop offered. “It’s only fair, since I already have a Pokémon.”
“Okay then…” Shield looked over all three, thinking carefully. Scorbunny was excited, Sobble seemed nervous, Grookey just looked happy to be there. At the end of the day, Shield was looking for someone strong to start her adventure with. And given what she saw earlier…
“I choose Scorbunny.”
Scorbunny hopped up, and started running around the battlefield. “Looks like someone’s happy!” Leon remarked. After finishing a lap, the Pokémon ran right up to Shield and offered a paw.
Shield wasn’t sure what he wanted. She tried presenting her fist. “Like this…?” Scorbunny nodded, then jumped up and gave a tiny fistbump.
“I had a feeling you two would make a good pair. Now what about you, Hop?”
“I already made my choice, actually.” Hop got onto his knees and started petting Grookey. “I’m going to choose Grookey.”
“Grookey? That’s surprising. I thought you’d want to pick Sobble to get an advantage over me.”
“I could, but I decided that the day I can beat you with a type disadvantage is the day when I really deserve to become Champion. And we’re going train until we can, right Grookey?” Grookey grabbed on to Hop’s hand and nodded.
Leon looked impressed. “Sounds like a challenge. I look forward to it!”
Poor Sobble, meanwhile did not get picked. It started to tear up, before Leon picked it up and cradled it. “There there, I’m sure you’ll get a trainer some day. In fact, I think I know someone who might be interested.” He went over to the nearby table and grabbed Sobble’s Pokéball to recall it.
“So those are our Pokéballs?” asked Shield.
“That they are.” He grabbed them both and handed them to their respective owners. “Now that you have these, you should be ready to head out through Route 1 to meet Professor Magnolia. She has something special waiting for you there. But first...”
“What now?”
“Well, I was wondering if you two would be interested in having a battle with each other! To get a feel for each other’s skills. You’re both rivals now, after all!”
“That sounds like a great idea!” said Hop, nodding his head vigorously. “I want a chance to show my stuff!”
“But you have two Pokémon,” Shield protested. “That’s not fair at all!”
“Sure it is! Grookey has a type disadvantage against you, remember? So it balances it out.”
“Besides, you’re the tournament winner, aren’t you?” Leon added. “Surely you can handle it.”
“I wasn’t trying to suggest I couldn’t. Right Scorbunny?”
Scorbunny nodded. “Scor!”
“Right then, you’re on!”
The two new trainers moved to opposite sides of the field, their starters alongside them. “Alright Zigzagoon, you’re up first!” Hop threw his Pokéball, and out came the Zigzagoon that just earlier had been harassing him. It had since been healed, and seemed to pick up on its situation very quickly, already in a battle ready pose, its tongue still hanging out of its mouth.
“Get ready to mop the floor with them, Scorbunny!” Scorbunny, likewise, got into position, bouncing from one foot to the other.
Leon raised a hand - “You both ready? The battle between Shield and Hop will...” - and brought it down. “Begin!”
Hop pointed right at Scorbunny. “Zigzagoon, use Tackle!”
Zigzagoon began by recreating a familiar scene, darting to and fro as it made its way towards its opponent. “Scorbunny, remember the forest!” Shield hoped her Pokémon would understand.
“Remember the forest?” Hop was mulling it over. “What does that-! Wait! Zigzagoon!”
Too late. Right as Zigzagoon was about to connect, Scorbunny leaped up onto its head catapulted off. “Now use Ember!” Right after he landed, he turned around and shot small embers at the bewildered opponent. Zigzagoon yelped in pain, then started panicking from the burn that set in.
“Zigzagoon, calm down!”
“Catch it and use Pound!”
Scorbunny, with its speed, had no trouble doing so, and it only took a single punch to the face to knock it out.
“Zigzagoon is unable to battle. Scorbunny is the victor!
Hop was overwhelmed. “Zigzagoon, no!”
“That was the Pokémon you were running scared from earlier?” Shield taunted. “I was expecting more, to be honest.” Her Scorbunny shook his head, equally disappointed.
“It’s not over yet! Return!” Hop recalled his Pokémon and pointed forward to send out the next. “Grookey, it’s your turn!
“Okay Scorbunny, now the real battle starts.” Grookey may have been laid back before, but the look in its eyes now was anything but. Still, with the advantage, Shield wasn’t too worried.
“Grookey, brace yourself!”
Not making the first move? Hop was already planning something. “Use Leer!”
“What?!” Scorbunny gave Grookey a menacing look, causing the Grass- Type to falter. “Don’t let it bother you, Grookey! Use Razor Leaf!”
Multiple leaves sprouted and separated from the stick in its head, gathering in the air before Grookey sent them flying. “Burn it away with Ember!” Scorbunny stood his ground and did as told. The attack engulfed and moved past the Razor Leaf, the leftover embers hitting Grookey. “Now get in close with Pound!”
Scorbunny rushed in, forcing Hop to act. “Dodge and use Scratch!”
“Ember!”
But Scorbunny, confused at the command, hesitated, allowing Grookey to dodge to the side and attack with its claws. “Why didn’t you-?!” Shield then realized. Every Pokémon she had fought with in the past was used to being given commands in battle. But Scorbunny didn’t have that kind of experience. “I have to go easy on my own Pokémon, then?” she thought. “But Hop and Grookey are both new, so if I could get either of them to mess up...”
Scorbunny was reeling backwards from the attack, furiously rubbing his face. “Now’s our chance, Grookey! Go in for another Scratch attack!”
“Scorbunny! Run circles around Grookey until I say so!”
Scorbunny shook his head to clear the pain, then ran around Grookey’s Scratch attack. “What are you doing?” Hop asked, bewildered by this strategy. Grookey was too. It tried to intercept Scorbunny multiple times, but Scorbunny kept its distance, keeping to the circle as best as he could. Grookey started to grow nervous, anticipating an attack. “We can’t let that attack happen…” worried Hop. “Grookey! Jump over Scorbunny!” The opponent gathered its wits, and jumped as high as it could.
“Now! Stop and use Ember!” Scorbunny figured out the strategy before Shield said the words, skidding to a stop and spewing out flames towards Grookey for a midair critical hit.
“No! Grookey!” Hop rushed in to see to his fallen Pokémon.
Leon raised his hand. “Grookey is unable to battle! Hop is out of useable Pokémon, which makes Shield from the house next door our victor!”
“Yes!” Shield jumped and raised her fist in the air, the familiar adrenaline of victory rushing through her. “I can’t believe that worked! I-I mean-”
But neither of the brother seemed to be paying attention. Leon walked up to Hop, who got up with his Pokémon in his arms. “Do you know why you lost?”
“Because Shield was a better trainer?”
“No, because you panicked. You were too slow, and made rash decisions. Like when Scorbunny ran circles around you. You should have countered that with Razor Leaf or Growl, but instead you fell right into her trap.”
“Wow…” whispered Hop. He looked at Shield, the light back in his eyes. “You really are a great trainer, Shield! I hope to get as strong as you, too!
Shield blushed. “Well, I am the winner of the rental battle tournament. This was nothing.”
“I agree, I’ve been impressed with you since the beginning,” Leon said. “You kept control throughout the match, and when you experienced a problem you seemed to figure it out pretty quickly. I can’t wait to beat you in the Champion Cup.”
It was all music to her ears until that last part. “Excuse me?”
“Well, I am the Champion of Galar, undefeated for four years and holder of one of the longest win streaks in the history of the sport. I’m not saying you can’t win, I’m just being realistic.”
“Oh shut up you posh-!” “There’s a time and place for everything!” “Grr, you better value that streak while you can. When I come in I’ll be sure to ruin it!”
“And I can’t wait for you to be my 32nd win.” Leon knowingly winked.
Shield stomped. “I’m going to the lab now!”
“Right, I should move on ahead of you both.” Leon threw an Ultra Ball into the air, letting out his Charizard. “Hop, go with Shield to the Pokémon center, I’ll meet you all in front of the train station.”
Hop nodded. “Of course! I’ll see you later!” Then, Leon hopped on and flew off.
Shield and Hop recalled their Pokémon. While Hop ran back to the house to grab his things and say goodbye to his mother, Shield was reminded of her own, but figured she could just call later. It’s not like anything would happen to get in the way of that, right? After Hop came back, the two left.
Right in front of the entrance to Route 1, Hop asked: “So I was thinking, the best way to get stronger is with a friend, right?”
Shield didn’t like where this was going. “What’s your point?
“We could travel together! You, me, and Galar! We’d be unstoppable!”
Shield moved on. “No.”
“Wait!” Hop caught up. “Just for a little while? Until we have to board the train, at least?”
She considered it. “Sure, Hop, but you can only follow me until the lab, okay?”
Hop showed a toothy grin. “I’m perfectly fine with that,” he said, before taking a look at the various trees and plants around them. “You know, we could use this time to exchange Trainer tips, or maybe even talk about how to train your Scorbunny and my Grookey.”
She shrugged. “Sure, I suppose we could so that. Even though I wouldn’t know what tips to share with you because… y’know, I’ve just gotten my Trainer license, so…”
“Don’t worry! I can teach you all the info you need to become a great Trainer!” Hop exclaimed, before showing a mischievous smirk. “Well, maybe not all of it! We’re rivals, after all, and I wouldn’t want you to become too strong as a competition. Besides, some things are better learned by yourself.”
“But wouldn’t you be more motivated if I became so much stronger that you would be forced to train harder to reach my level?” she asked.
“You’re saying this as if you could become Champion in one day,” Hop said, putting his hands in his pockets. “I mean, I can already see that you are quite talented, but let’s be real: Getting to the League and beating the Champion in only 24 hours is totally unfeasible!”
There was an awkward pause as the girl scratched the back of her neck, her gaze directed to the sky.
“Yeah… eh eh, totally unfeasible,” she said, before whistling innocently.
Hop raised an eyebrow, staring at the girl with a puzzled expression, but decided to change topic. “So! I think it’s now time to start Pokémon Training 101!” he said, before clearing his throat. “Alright! We both have become official Pokémon Trainers. What do Pokémon Trainers do?”
The girl blinked and stared back at the other Trainer. “Huh… they train Pokémon?”
“Exactly! But in order to train Pokémon, you need to have actual Pokémon under your belt. Right?”
“Yeah, that’s true…”
“As such, this is the very first thing I think we should do,” Hop said, before taking out a few Pokéballs from his bag and showing them to the girl. “Before we reach the next town, what about catching at least one Pokémon each? Should be quite easy even with a Nuzlocke setting, don’t you agree?”
“Oi, Patrick, the wee little cunts won’t know what hit ‘em!” Moira said, doing a little fist bump.
“T-take it easy,” Patrick replied, using hand gestures to inform Moira to tone it back a little. “You don’t want to wear Scorbunny-”
“That’s SENATOR Hops N’ Scotch to yew!” she interrupted.
“-Senator Hops N’ Scotch…you don’t want him ‘fainting’ before you even catch your first Pokémon, don’t you?”
“Aw, ya big wussy, he’ll be fine! I picked him outta the litter, didn’t I?”
“Bun!” Scorbunny butted in, beaming with pride and energy.
“I suppose…” Patrick relented.
“Then let’s go kick some arse!”
The two then headed out to Route 1. As per Professor Magnolia’s request, they were to focus specifically on Galarian-native Pokémon, and thus were allowed to KO and ignore any Pokémon they met along the way that did not fall into those specifications. Naturally, the first Pokémon they encountered were Pidgey, Rattata, Poochyena, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Weedle, Pikachu, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Zigzagoon, Wingull, Starly, Bidoof, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Pidove, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Pikipek, Yungoos, Geodude, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Panpour, Zubat, and Wurmple. Astonishingly for Moira, she encountered a shiny [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS] with perfect IVs, but she was unable to catch it because [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS].
“Are ya fookin’ shittin’ me?!” she yelled.
“Well…” Patrick looked like she was about to punch him, and not for the first time either, “let’s just forget that one happened, and count the next one instead.”
“Ya damn right we are!” she replied.
Suddenly, there was a giant exclamation mark hovering just above the grass.
“A wild Pokémon!” Patrick exclaimed.
“Alright, come out with yer hands up!” Moira yelled. “I got a score to settle with yew!”
Her little taunt worked, as a wild Impidimp leapt out of the grass and faced her.
“Dim!” it cried out in a high, shrill voice.
Moira stared at it for a hot minute before turning back around to Patrick, with Scorbunny laughing the entire time.
“What the fook is this shite?! Did your mum have a premature birth or something? Look at this poor bastard! It looks like a blind kindergartner drew the design! Am I gonna find a pack of neon color markers in the bush next to it? It looks like a flat, two dimensional cartoon in a world of 3D realism! I’ve seen Mimikyu with more realistic eyes than this thing! Look at those horns! Those fangs! Those crude, low effort, nubs it calls fangs! Is it supposed to be a devil of some sort? Does that mean this region has a concept of Christianity? Does that mean that this region believes Arceus is just a goat Pokémon? Just a myth? Is there a lot of friction between Christians and Arceusians in Galar? Oh Arceus God, that’s what this whole Team Yell business thing is gonna be about, innit? This dumb Pokémon just raises so many questions! And look at those noodly arms and hands! They look like a circus clown half-arsed a balloon into those things! Boy I sure hope I can teach my Impidimp Strength! Just look at those guns! Girls better watch out! These babies will make any bitches wet and preggers within a 5 yard radiance! Just look at this bugger! I think the Unovan Olympic Women’s Swim Team was wearing the same swimsuit! What, is it a Water type now? ‘Cause that sure as shite ain’t what my voodoo Pokédex is saying! Dark and Fairy type, eh? Yeah, I can see that second part. ‘Cause it sure looks like the fourth elemental monkey just came outta the closet! I’d hate to see what this fooker evolves into! They’d have to go and slap an AO rating on this game! Probably ban it in Iran as well while they’re at it! Just look at my poor Senator Hops N’ Scotch! My voodoo Pokédex said he was level six before this whole mess started. This Impidumb is so astoundingly stupid, it actually caused my starter severe brain damage and reduced his level by two! He’s only level four now! How does that even work?! He’s actually stupider now for having witnessed this monstrosity! I hope yew know that your Grookey is gonna be in charge of making sure poor Hops isn’t sterile after this as well! Ack, what the hell is that thing?! The next town over better have a tavern in it somewhere, ‘cause I’m gonna need a whole lot of ‘Fresh Water’ to make me forget having ever seen this thing before in my once sweet and innocent life! Jesus H. Christ, I guess in this region specifically!”
By now the Impidimp had wandered off and Patrick had caught a Yamper. Scorbunny had decided to take a nap.
“Oi! Yew dreaming about having a better life than this, Senator?” she said to the sleeping Pokémon. Scorbunny was already accustomed to her constantly loud volume.
“Hey! Did you catch your Route 1 Pokémon yet?” called Patrick, jogging over with his new doggy, who already had a Poké Ball in her mouth.
“Nah, Patrick, I was too busy just admirin’ the scenery. What did it look like I was doing?!” she replied. “Come on, then! Let’s find me a Pokémon that doesn’t make me want to see how many drips it would take for sulfuric acid to melt my eyeballs completely.”
The crew set out to find Moira’s second Pokémon. They eventually managed to stumble upon a relatively full Morpeko.
“Now ain’t this little jellybean just the cutest?” Moira exclaimed. “Now get in my ball, yew little shite!”
The new prisoner was summarily caught and rebranded with a new identity, Cruella B. Elzebub. All in all, not a completely horrible fate. With their freshly stocked team ready for action, Moira and Patrick moseyed on over to the next town, which will become available on October 19, 2019, only on the Nintendo Switch!
At the Pokémon Center, Moira sauntered up to Nurse Joy and said, “Top them off and put a cherry on top, ‘cause we’re here to take down the Gym Leader! Speaking of, where is the fella, anyway?”
“Of course.” Nurse Joy gave Moira a pleasant smile and took the two PokeBalls from her. “He is in Unova now on vacation but do not worry, he’s coming back tomorrow.”
“Great!” Moira closed her eyes and smiled in return. “Thanks, Nurse Joy.” She said as she began to walk away towards the cafeteria to get herself something to eat while Nurse Joy heals up her Pokemon. Since the Gym Leader would be back tomorrow and she would finally get the chance to battle him, she had to do more training with her Pokemon. She needed to be prepared for this battle. She did not want to lose again.
She did not want to lose, period. It was the perfect time for her to get some training in to prepare for her upcoming gym battle. She cannot wait until she had the badge in her hand after a hard-fought battle between her and the gym leader of this city.
It would happen before she knew it.
—
“Senator, use Ember!” The little Scorbunny released a powerful Ember attack towards Cruella, who looked ready for it.
“Dodge it, Cruella!” Morpeko did exactly what Moira commanded and jumped, avoiding the power fire type attack and landed on its feet, awaiting for Moira’s next command. She, instead, starting clapping. Both Pokemon relaxed upon hearing Moira applauding them “Excellent job, you two. Keep this up and there is no chance of us not winning the badge.” Both Pokemon cheered with excitement. “Let's take a break for now.”
“Hey, Moira!”
Upon hearing her name being called, Moira turned her attention to see Sonia waving at her. Her face immediately lit up in delight when she saw her friend. “Sonia! It’s been so long.” She exclaimed, running up to Sonia and embracing her. “What are you doing here?”
The redhead turned around to look at her surroundings. “I’m here to do some research on the Pokemon here and I’m hoping to add it to my party,” Sonia told her friend and turned back around towards Moira. “What about you?”
“I’ve been training to prepare for my upcoming gym battle. The gym leader should be back tomorrow and I have to make sure I’m ready.” Moira explained before looking down at her Pokemon, who stood on either side of her. “They’ve really been putting it a lot of work and I could not be more proud of the progress they’ve made.” Both Pokemon’s lit up in delight with Moira’s compliment. “That gym badge is so ours, right guys?”
Moira’s fire bunny and her electric mouse Pokemon both nodded vigorously and she turned her attention back to her friend
“Hey Moira, if you don’t mind, would you help me out a bit?” Sonia asked.
“Not at all.” She turned back to her Pokemon. “Why don’t you guys get some rest?” She withdrew her Pokeballs from her belt and called both of her Pokemon back to their respective ball. “What do you need me to do?”
“I’m looking for an Alcremie, I would really love to catch one.” Sonia explained, “I heard they are here but I haven’t seen a single one yet, do you know if that is true?”
Moira placed her finger underneath her chin before looking up at the sky. “Not sure, I haven’t seen one yet but I will gladly help you look for one.”
“Aww, thank you so much, Moira.” Sonia embraced her friend yet again in pure joy. “I really appreciate you helping me like this.”
“It’s no problem at all.” The brunette closed her eyes and smiled before she opened them again. ”Let’s go get you an Alcremie!”
"...But where?" I said.
My companion, The J. Brunette, put a hand to her chin, deep in thought.
"I know! Let's check that tall pile of grass! Pokemon like to hide in those, right?"
"...Yes. Yes they do."
The two of us went into a convenient tall patch of grass to look. I sent out my own Pokemon to check as well.
<Wot, wot, where could that Alcremie have gotten to mate?> said Senator Hops N' Scotch.
<All I know is that whenever we find it, I'll turn it into a Joltik, a harmless little Joltik,> said Cruella B. Ezelbub. <And then I'll put that Joltik in a box, then put that box in another box, then mail it to myself and then I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!>
I rolled my eyes. "Please don't."
"Who are you talking to?" said The.
"No one," I said.
It was then I noticed a rustling in the grass. Then a puff of green cream.
"AHA"
I pounced on it. The Alcreamie squealed then tried to slip away with its delicious, frosting body.
"No you don't! Hops, Blaze Kick!"
<WOT> said Senator Hops N. Scotch, kicking the Alcremie with FIRE.
The Alcremie squealed again as part of its frosting surface caramelized.
<Are you kidding me? Your attacks are half-baked.> said the Alcremie.
<Boooooo,> said Cruella B. Elzebub.
"For that," I said, "You get the Ultra Ball."
I tossed an Ultra Ball at the Alcremie, which sucked it in. It shook thrice and clicked.
"Woo!" I said. "I got one!"
"Really?" said The, rushing over. "Glad I could help!"
"...You didn't do anything."
I sighed, looking at the Ultra Ball. "I'm going to call you... Shou Tucker."
Suddenly there was a rumbling as a bunch of literal punks charged in close.
"We're Team Yell!" said one. "You're on the League Challenge right? You're p r o b l e m a t i c! Only Marnie's way of experiencing the League Challenge is valid!"
"If someone tells us to stop because they're uncomfortable or anxious, **** them!," said another. "We'll keep going! It's the harassment campaign or nothing and it's the most important thing to our existences!"
"Anyone who disagrees with us is a Bede apologist that needs to get destroyed!" said a third.
"Oh no, these people are horrible!" said The.
"I've seen worse on the Internet," I said.
I sent out Shou Tucker, and The J. Brunette sent out her Corviknight. Then suddenly black smoke billowed out from behind Team Yell, and there was a shout of "FOOOOOOOOOOLS! BEHOLD THE TRUE DARK FORCE OF GALAR!"
I was unimpressed by it, of course, because when you've already seen what hellish things Shou Tucker could do, nothing fazes you anymore. Although the more I thought about it, the more I started questioning my skills as a trainer, and if I had gone too far and was in too deep in my weeb fantasies.
Team Yell was hooting and hollering, as usual, but they sounded more frenzied, and were running around and flailing about. J. Brunette was looking annoyed, and spun around, I guess to yell at them or something, only to gasp at the smoke.
I honestly don't see what's so surprising about the smoke, really.
A Dynamaxed Jun'ichi Masuda materialized from the nothingness, and the wailing and screeching of some other crowd around us increased. Team Yell and J. Brunette and her Pokémon were sucked into the darkness, although not without struggle. My Alcremie backed away to be at my side, which was surprising that he was rather bothered by the appearance of who amounted to be “God”, of which I questioned. Honestly, the man was looking like a hologram, I doubt he's even anywhere near the vicinity.
“Hey,” I called out, somewhat annoyed but I really don't care either way, “what's the big deal here? You've interrupted my battle.”
Masuda's beady eyes bore into my soul when he saw me there, and I envisioned a giant wall between us. It amused me, if only for a moment. It was also when I realized that I might not actually get to find out how that series ends, which is why what appears to be my inevitable doom is so upsetting. He raised a giant finger up into the air before swinging it down to point at me, which Cruella B. Elzebub chomped on like it could do anything. The colossal man didn't even flinch except to open his big maw and declare in a booming tone:
“POKÉMON GO HOME AND SLEEP.”
The pun dealt such critical damage I found myself waking up at the nearest Pokémon Center, and I might've gone deaf. I actually have no clue anymore, although judging from the way the buildings and people were glitching in-and-out of existence, I guess I got lucky in that regard. Not every day one survives some game-breaking mechanics. But that also meant that sooner or later, I'll have to fix this mess or whatever.
So with a sigh, I set up camp on the outskirts of town, saved, and then went back to catching up on my favorite series while my team interacted together (occasionally stepping in to make Senator Hops N’ Scotch behaved himself around Cruella, I don't want to deal with a bunch of eggs at the moment). Some Farfetch'd had wandered too close and became my dinner, so that was something, I suppose. No wonder they've been going extinct, they're just so bloody delicious.
Wait... there's an evolution now, isn't there? Apparently it was long overdue, among other things.
Feh. Guess I'll eat that one, too.
The order is evident from the spreadsheet, but nonetheless, I wager many don't remember, so I've put the names of the authors for each part in a spoiler tag. Then you can see who wrote each part, including the long first part! :V
Some strong language features in this EC (part 3, primarily).
The Serebii Exquisite Corpse
Galar Trainer Fic
Galar Trainer Fic
The light of morning shone on the Galarian countryside, illuminating the hills surrounding the small town. A little ways away, past Route 1, sat a quaint little house, where a woman opened the windows to greet the day.
Of course, today was the day. Just last month, her daughter had won the yearly rental tournament, hosted by none other than Champion Leon. Thanks to that win, she now had the letter of recommendation required to begin her journey as a Pokémon Trainer. Soon that kid would be clamouring down the steps, in a mad rush to get to Leon’s house as quickly as possible…
…
The weary mother sighed. Or she could sleep in on the most important day of her life. After all, she must’ve been up all night getting excited over this. It was only understandable, really; nothing wrong here at all. Soon, she was going to get up and get ready.
She turned to stare at the stairs. A few moments passed. She glared. Very soon.
Marching towards and up the stairs with the rage and indignance of ten Hydreigon, mother stomped right up to the door to her daughter’s room and slammed her fist against it. “Shield!”
The ruffling sound of movement. “...Huh?”
“Shield! Wake up!” yelled her mother, growing steadily angrier.
Inside the room was a girl ill-prepared for the journey ahead, dressed in nightwear and burying her head deep into a pillow in her vain attempts to block out her mother’s voice. “But mum…”
“Don’t ‘but’ me, it’s the middle of the morning! You should be up by now!”
“... I’ll sleep for as long as I ****** feel like,” retorted Shield, her own voice starting to rise.
“What did you just say to me?!”
“I said,” Shield lifted her head from her pillow. “That maybe if you didn’t snore like a Weezing with a cold, then maybe I could get some bloody sleep!”
“Watch your tongue! No daughter of mine is becoming Galar Champion talking like that!”
“Champion? What are you…?” It took a moment to process before she remembered. “OH!”
Shield bolted from her bed and hurriedly began to prepare herself, cursing all the while. How could she have forgotten this?! A change of clothes later, she burst out of the room, ignoring her mother, and ran to the bathroom to fix her case of bedhead.
Her mother approached from behind, standing at the bathroom door with her arms crossed. “I can’t believe you slept in on your trainer journey.”
“It’s not that big a deal.” Shield winced as she tore a brush through a particularly bad knot. “I can still get there on time if I book it.”
“That’s not the point!”
“It’s always about points with you, innit? If I’m not late, then why should it matter?”
“And if you are late?”
Shield checked to see if her hair was okay, then turned around and ran out of the bathroom. “I won’t be!” She ran past her mother, down the stairs, grabbed her bag of the kitchen table, stuffed the brush in there, and ran out into the cool morning air.
Her mother came scrambling after her. She hung out from the front doorway and shouted: “You’d better come back to say a proper goodbye later!”
“I will!” Shield yelled back as she fumbled through her bag and pulled out a green beret, which she placed on her head.
And so, she began her run to Leon’s house in earnest. It wasn’t far: they were neighbours after all. The house was the only one besides hers that existed on the other side of Route 1. It was an… odd design choice, to have them so far away from the town. But at least that meant she’d get a good chance to train on the route. She passed by the sign on her way, where she stopped to get a look at the herds of Wooloo grazing on the tall grass. Wooloo was a fairly standard first catch, and probably not very strong, but it was cute. She imagined what it would look like on her dream team. “Maybe...” She let that thought linger as she continued her run.
Finally, she was there. Shield entered the yard and was prepared to offer an excuse, only to find no one there. “...Huh.” To the side of the house was a small battlefield in front of both a shed and pond, with a nearby empty table complete with unoccupied chairs. She reached into her bag and pulled out her phone, and found the time to be just a couple minutes before nine. That meant she was early, but to get here before Leon’s brother, who lives here? She couldn’t for the life of her remember his name, but whatever it was, it didn’t make sense for him to not be here.
She took a step towards the front door, only to hear a sharp rustle come from a tree nearby. She stopped. “Who’s there?!” And when she turned around…
“Ook?” Sitting low on a branch was some green figure. She moved towards the battlefield to get a closer look, and found a Grookey, clutching a Sitrus Berry close to its body. “A Grookey?! What are you doing here?!” That was a rare Pokémon, just sitting in her neighbour’s yard! She knew Leon was rich, but this was little much! “Or, wait, aren’t you one of those starter Pokémon I’m supposed to choose from?” He wouldn’t have just left them here. Or would he? “The only thing you could trust a complete fop like him to watch over is his own statue,” Shield lamented. “But if you’re here, then where are-”
All of a sudden, something small and soft came crashing into her backside, causing her to fall to the ground. She only barely manage to break the fall with her hands, leaving a stinging sensation from scraping them on the blacktop. Shield growled in frustration. “Okay, who did that?!”
Standing behind the Grookey’s tree was the unmistakable form of a Scrobunny. The rabbit Pokémon was pointing and laughing at Shield’s misfortune. “You think that was funny?!” She pushed herself up and held up a bruised fist. “It’s about to get a whole lot funnier after I’ve shoved my fist-!”
Her mother’s words rang in her head. “Shield! There’s a time and place for everything! But not now.”
She threw down her fist and glared at the Scorbunny. At first it seemed confused that she stopped, but it went right back to taunting her. “You may be laughing now,” Shield warned. “But after I pick Sobble as my starter you’ll get to see what my bad side is really like.”
As if called by name, the Sobble that Shield knew must be here came crawling out of the pond. It’s perpetually spaced out stare was probably the least threatening thing Shield had ever seen, and the way it tilted its head did not help at all. “Hopefully it gets more menacing after it evolves…” Without warning, Scorbunny zoomed right past Sobble, which spooked the poor thing badly enough that it started crying. All this commotion was sapping away her patience. “Ugh, what’s taking Leon so long?!”
“HEEEELP!”
Sobble stopped crying, Grookey dropped its berry, Scorbunny peeked out from behind the shed, and Shield looked in the direction of the scream. “What was that?” The voice was male, and was coming from the direction of... her house? She ran out of the yard and towards the noise to investigate. As she got closer, she could hear the faint sounds of something barking coming from the forest nearby. Without stopping to think, she ran right in. The thick foliage made the forest floor somewhat dark, but the barking led Shield onwards, over roots and around tree stumps, until finally…
“Help!” At the base of a tree, a Zigzagoon was barking fiercely at a dark skinned boy with purple hair, who was holding on to the trunk for dear life further up.
Shield stopped and watched. “Dark skin and purple hair… But he doesn’t look like Leon,” she thought. “That must be his brother!” But then where was Leon? If he wasn’t here to be responsible, then she just had to take things into her own hands.
“Hey!” The Zigzagoon’s barking was interrupted by a stick, flying straight into its side. The black-and-white Pokémon turned around angrily, its tongue lolling out as it finally noticed Shield. “What are you picking on him for?! You think you’re worth somethin’ cause you scared a human up a tree?!” She got into a fighting stance. “If you want to prove something for real, then come and get some!”
Shield was ready for the situation to escalate, but then, a white and orange blur came speeding out of the undergrowth, lightly punched the Zigzagoon from the side, and ran in front of Shield. “Scorbunny?!”
Scorbunny looked back and winked, then let out a few taunts of his own. “Scor! Scorbun!”
Zigzagoon changed targets. Beginning its attack, the Pokémon lunged from side to side, moving forward in a zigzag pattern as it advanced on Scorbunny. The rabbit Pokémon waited patiently, until at the last second it jumped over Zigzagoon’s Tackle and landed on its head. Quickly, it jumped off and ran, shouting taunts as it created distance. Zigzagoon pushed itself up and turned back to glare at Scorbunny, clearly annoyed at this game it was playing. Scorbunny just egged it on.
But, as the Zigzagoon was about to continue its attack, a sharp wind blew through the area. And then suddenly a shout: “Flamethrower!”
A Charizard came flying in from on high, and in an instant the stream of flames coming from its mouth turned the Zigzagoon from fighting fit to on the ground and knocked out. The boy in the tree saw this as his chance. He dropped down, fumbled with his pockets, and pulled out a round object. “Go, Pokéball!”
The pokéball flew threw the air and hit the Zigzagoon directly, converting it into energy and capturing it. The ball shook once, twice, three times, and… Catch! “Yes!” The boy ran over and held his new catch up high. “I caught a Zigzagoon!”
“Congratulations, Hop!” A figure dropped down from the sky, landing on both feet. As he slowly got up, Shield recognized the unmistakable form of Champion Leon, his logo-cape fluttering in the wind created by his Charizard’s wingbeats as it landed beside him. “But you should have known better than to come out here by yourself.”
Hop looked down at his Pokéball in embarrassment. “Sorry Leon. I just thought that, if I caught something before you got here, I could impress you with it.”
“That’s all well and good,” said Leon, his arms crossed as he walked forward. “But, you have to remember the first rule of catching Pokémon: always weaken it first. And you can’t do that without another Pokémon.”
“Yeah, I should’ve thought that through… But I’m okay thanks to you!”
Shield coughed loudly. “Ahem! I’m the one who came to your rescue first?”
Hop looked over, slightly surprised as if he just now noticed her there. “Oh, right, you’re the one who won the battle tournament! You and Scorbunny helped a little too!”
A little? Shield almost wanted to punch him for that. So what if Leon did all the work, she’s still the one who got there first!
“So you chose Scorbunny as your starter?” asked Leon.
The question distracted Shield from her rage. “What?” Scorbunny was sizing up Charizard, poking and prodding at it. That troublemaker as her starter? “No, I haven’t even made my choice yet. He followed me,” she said. And then her anger came back as she remembered. “He’s here because you just left them there in your yard!”
Leon just laughed it off. “My bad! I figured that since the other two are so mellow, it’d be fine to leave them there. I don’t think they have it in them to escape.” He said that, but quickly the smile fell from his face.
“What?” Shield turned around, and found Grookey, sitting there with a half-eaten Sitrus berry in its paws. The Pokémon was startled by the attention and ran off.
Wait, Grookey!” Leon pointed at Shield and Hop. “You two! Wait at the house for me, I’ll be there as soon as I catch Grookey. Charizard, come on!” His Charizard gave a quiet grunt of confirmation, and together the two ran off to catch the runaway Pokémon.
“Well now that he’s gone,” Hop started. He offered his hand. “Your name is Shield, right?”
Shield ignored his hand. “Yeah. How did you know my name? I never told you, I don’t think.”
“We’re neighbours, right? And you won the battle tournament, so of course I know your name. Do you know what mine is?”
“Of course I do, I’m not stupid. It’s Hop, right?”
“Yup! I’m Leon’s younger brother, which naturally means I’m destined to be the next Champion of Galar!”
Shield was beyond skeptical. “You, the Champion? After that?”
“I know I still have a long way to go, but someday I’ll be just as good as my brother! But we should probably get back so we can choose our starters first.”
Shield sighed. He wasn’t as arrogant as his brother, but clearly there was something in the genes. “Right.” Together, the two headed back.
~
“Alright everyone, line up!”
Back at the house, Leon had all three starters line up on the edge of the battlefield. Scorbunny, Sobble, and Grookey; which one did Shield want to take with her?
“You pick first,” Hop offered. “It’s only fair, since I already have a Pokémon.”
“Okay then…” Shield looked over all three, thinking carefully. Scorbunny was excited, Sobble seemed nervous, Grookey just looked happy to be there. At the end of the day, Shield was looking for someone strong to start her adventure with. And given what she saw earlier…
“I choose Scorbunny.”
Scorbunny hopped up, and started running around the battlefield. “Looks like someone’s happy!” Leon remarked. After finishing a lap, the Pokémon ran right up to Shield and offered a paw.
Shield wasn’t sure what he wanted. She tried presenting her fist. “Like this…?” Scorbunny nodded, then jumped up and gave a tiny fistbump.
“I had a feeling you two would make a good pair. Now what about you, Hop?”
“I already made my choice, actually.” Hop got onto his knees and started petting Grookey. “I’m going to choose Grookey.”
“Grookey? That’s surprising. I thought you’d want to pick Sobble to get an advantage over me.”
“I could, but I decided that the day I can beat you with a type disadvantage is the day when I really deserve to become Champion. And we’re going train until we can, right Grookey?” Grookey grabbed on to Hop’s hand and nodded.
Leon looked impressed. “Sounds like a challenge. I look forward to it!”
Poor Sobble, meanwhile did not get picked. It started to tear up, before Leon picked it up and cradled it. “There there, I’m sure you’ll get a trainer some day. In fact, I think I know someone who might be interested.” He went over to the nearby table and grabbed Sobble’s Pokéball to recall it.
“So those are our Pokéballs?” asked Shield.
“That they are.” He grabbed them both and handed them to their respective owners. “Now that you have these, you should be ready to head out through Route 1 to meet Professor Magnolia. She has something special waiting for you there. But first...”
“What now?”
“Well, I was wondering if you two would be interested in having a battle with each other! To get a feel for each other’s skills. You’re both rivals now, after all!”
“That sounds like a great idea!” said Hop, nodding his head vigorously. “I want a chance to show my stuff!”
“But you have two Pokémon,” Shield protested. “That’s not fair at all!”
“Sure it is! Grookey has a type disadvantage against you, remember? So it balances it out.”
“Besides, you’re the tournament winner, aren’t you?” Leon added. “Surely you can handle it.”
“I wasn’t trying to suggest I couldn’t. Right Scorbunny?”
Scorbunny nodded. “Scor!”
“Right then, you’re on!”
The two new trainers moved to opposite sides of the field, their starters alongside them. “Alright Zigzagoon, you’re up first!” Hop threw his Pokéball, and out came the Zigzagoon that just earlier had been harassing him. It had since been healed, and seemed to pick up on its situation very quickly, already in a battle ready pose, its tongue still hanging out of its mouth.
“Get ready to mop the floor with them, Scorbunny!” Scorbunny, likewise, got into position, bouncing from one foot to the other.
Leon raised a hand - “You both ready? The battle between Shield and Hop will...” - and brought it down. “Begin!”
Hop pointed right at Scorbunny. “Zigzagoon, use Tackle!”
Zigzagoon began by recreating a familiar scene, darting to and fro as it made its way towards its opponent. “Scorbunny, remember the forest!” Shield hoped her Pokémon would understand.
“Remember the forest?” Hop was mulling it over. “What does that-! Wait! Zigzagoon!”
Too late. Right as Zigzagoon was about to connect, Scorbunny leaped up onto its head catapulted off. “Now use Ember!” Right after he landed, he turned around and shot small embers at the bewildered opponent. Zigzagoon yelped in pain, then started panicking from the burn that set in.
“Zigzagoon, calm down!”
“Catch it and use Pound!”
Scorbunny, with its speed, had no trouble doing so, and it only took a single punch to the face to knock it out.
“Zigzagoon is unable to battle. Scorbunny is the victor!
Hop was overwhelmed. “Zigzagoon, no!”
“That was the Pokémon you were running scared from earlier?” Shield taunted. “I was expecting more, to be honest.” Her Scorbunny shook his head, equally disappointed.
“It’s not over yet! Return!” Hop recalled his Pokémon and pointed forward to send out the next. “Grookey, it’s your turn!
“Okay Scorbunny, now the real battle starts.” Grookey may have been laid back before, but the look in its eyes now was anything but. Still, with the advantage, Shield wasn’t too worried.
“Grookey, brace yourself!”
Not making the first move? Hop was already planning something. “Use Leer!”
“What?!” Scorbunny gave Grookey a menacing look, causing the Grass- Type to falter. “Don’t let it bother you, Grookey! Use Razor Leaf!”
Multiple leaves sprouted and separated from the stick in its head, gathering in the air before Grookey sent them flying. “Burn it away with Ember!” Scorbunny stood his ground and did as told. The attack engulfed and moved past the Razor Leaf, the leftover embers hitting Grookey. “Now get in close with Pound!”
Scorbunny rushed in, forcing Hop to act. “Dodge and use Scratch!”
“Ember!”
But Scorbunny, confused at the command, hesitated, allowing Grookey to dodge to the side and attack with its claws. “Why didn’t you-?!” Shield then realized. Every Pokémon she had fought with in the past was used to being given commands in battle. But Scorbunny didn’t have that kind of experience. “I have to go easy on my own Pokémon, then?” she thought. “But Hop and Grookey are both new, so if I could get either of them to mess up...”
Scorbunny was reeling backwards from the attack, furiously rubbing his face. “Now’s our chance, Grookey! Go in for another Scratch attack!”
“Scorbunny! Run circles around Grookey until I say so!”
Scorbunny shook his head to clear the pain, then ran around Grookey’s Scratch attack. “What are you doing?” Hop asked, bewildered by this strategy. Grookey was too. It tried to intercept Scorbunny multiple times, but Scorbunny kept its distance, keeping to the circle as best as he could. Grookey started to grow nervous, anticipating an attack. “We can’t let that attack happen…” worried Hop. “Grookey! Jump over Scorbunny!” The opponent gathered its wits, and jumped as high as it could.
“Now! Stop and use Ember!” Scorbunny figured out the strategy before Shield said the words, skidding to a stop and spewing out flames towards Grookey for a midair critical hit.
“No! Grookey!” Hop rushed in to see to his fallen Pokémon.
Leon raised his hand. “Grookey is unable to battle! Hop is out of useable Pokémon, which makes Shield from the house next door our victor!”
“Yes!” Shield jumped and raised her fist in the air, the familiar adrenaline of victory rushing through her. “I can’t believe that worked! I-I mean-”
But neither of the brother seemed to be paying attention. Leon walked up to Hop, who got up with his Pokémon in his arms. “Do you know why you lost?”
“Because Shield was a better trainer?”
“No, because you panicked. You were too slow, and made rash decisions. Like when Scorbunny ran circles around you. You should have countered that with Razor Leaf or Growl, but instead you fell right into her trap.”
“Wow…” whispered Hop. He looked at Shield, the light back in his eyes. “You really are a great trainer, Shield! I hope to get as strong as you, too!
Shield blushed. “Well, I am the winner of the rental battle tournament. This was nothing.”
“I agree, I’ve been impressed with you since the beginning,” Leon said. “You kept control throughout the match, and when you experienced a problem you seemed to figure it out pretty quickly. I can’t wait to beat you in the Champion Cup.”
It was all music to her ears until that last part. “Excuse me?”
“Well, I am the Champion of Galar, undefeated for four years and holder of one of the longest win streaks in the history of the sport. I’m not saying you can’t win, I’m just being realistic.”
“Oh shut up you posh-!” “There’s a time and place for everything!” “Grr, you better value that streak while you can. When I come in I’ll be sure to ruin it!”
“And I can’t wait for you to be my 32nd win.” Leon knowingly winked.
Shield stomped. “I’m going to the lab now!”
“Right, I should move on ahead of you both.” Leon threw an Ultra Ball into the air, letting out his Charizard. “Hop, go with Shield to the Pokémon center, I’ll meet you all in front of the train station.”
Hop nodded. “Of course! I’ll see you later!” Then, Leon hopped on and flew off.
Shield and Hop recalled their Pokémon. While Hop ran back to the house to grab his things and say goodbye to his mother, Shield was reminded of her own, but figured she could just call later. It’s not like anything would happen to get in the way of that, right? After Hop came back, the two left.
Right in front of the entrance to Route 1, Hop asked: “So I was thinking, the best way to get stronger is with a friend, right?”
Shield didn’t like where this was going. “What’s your point?
“We could travel together! You, me, and Galar! We’d be unstoppable!”
Shield moved on. “No.”
“Wait!” Hop caught up. “Just for a little while? Until we have to board the train, at least?”
She considered it. “Sure, Hop, but you can only follow me until the lab, okay?”
JFought
Hop showed a toothy grin. “I’m perfectly fine with that,” he said, before taking a look at the various trees and plants around them. “You know, we could use this time to exchange Trainer tips, or maybe even talk about how to train your Scorbunny and my Grookey.”
She shrugged. “Sure, I suppose we could so that. Even though I wouldn’t know what tips to share with you because… y’know, I’ve just gotten my Trainer license, so…”
“Don’t worry! I can teach you all the info you need to become a great Trainer!” Hop exclaimed, before showing a mischievous smirk. “Well, maybe not all of it! We’re rivals, after all, and I wouldn’t want you to become too strong as a competition. Besides, some things are better learned by yourself.”
“But wouldn’t you be more motivated if I became so much stronger that you would be forced to train harder to reach my level?” she asked.
“You’re saying this as if you could become Champion in one day,” Hop said, putting his hands in his pockets. “I mean, I can already see that you are quite talented, but let’s be real: Getting to the League and beating the Champion in only 24 hours is totally unfeasible!”
There was an awkward pause as the girl scratched the back of her neck, her gaze directed to the sky.
“Yeah… eh eh, totally unfeasible,” she said, before whistling innocently.
Hop raised an eyebrow, staring at the girl with a puzzled expression, but decided to change topic. “So! I think it’s now time to start Pokémon Training 101!” he said, before clearing his throat. “Alright! We both have become official Pokémon Trainers. What do Pokémon Trainers do?”
The girl blinked and stared back at the other Trainer. “Huh… they train Pokémon?”
“Exactly! But in order to train Pokémon, you need to have actual Pokémon under your belt. Right?”
“Yeah, that’s true…”
“As such, this is the very first thing I think we should do,” Hop said, before taking out a few Pokéballs from his bag and showing them to the girl. “Before we reach the next town, what about catching at least one Pokémon each? Should be quite easy even with a Nuzlocke setting, don’t you agree?”
Cresselia92
“Oi, Patrick, the wee little cunts won’t know what hit ‘em!” Moira said, doing a little fist bump.
“T-take it easy,” Patrick replied, using hand gestures to inform Moira to tone it back a little. “You don’t want to wear Scorbunny-”
“That’s SENATOR Hops N’ Scotch to yew!” she interrupted.
“-Senator Hops N’ Scotch…you don’t want him ‘fainting’ before you even catch your first Pokémon, don’t you?”
“Aw, ya big wussy, he’ll be fine! I picked him outta the litter, didn’t I?”
“Bun!” Scorbunny butted in, beaming with pride and energy.
“I suppose…” Patrick relented.
“Then let’s go kick some arse!”
The two then headed out to Route 1. As per Professor Magnolia’s request, they were to focus specifically on Galarian-native Pokémon, and thus were allowed to KO and ignore any Pokémon they met along the way that did not fall into those specifications. Naturally, the first Pokémon they encountered were Pidgey, Rattata, Poochyena, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Weedle, Pikachu, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Zigzagoon, Wingull, Starly, Bidoof, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Pidove, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Pikipek, Yungoos, Geodude, [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS], Panpour, Zubat, and Wurmple. Astonishingly for Moira, she encountered a shiny [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS] with perfect IVs, but she was unable to catch it because [REMOVED FOR GRAPHICS].
“Are ya fookin’ shittin’ me?!” she yelled.
“Well…” Patrick looked like she was about to punch him, and not for the first time either, “let’s just forget that one happened, and count the next one instead.”
“Ya damn right we are!” she replied.
Suddenly, there was a giant exclamation mark hovering just above the grass.
“A wild Pokémon!” Patrick exclaimed.
“Alright, come out with yer hands up!” Moira yelled. “I got a score to settle with yew!”
Her little taunt worked, as a wild Impidimp leapt out of the grass and faced her.
“Dim!” it cried out in a high, shrill voice.
Moira stared at it for a hot minute before turning back around to Patrick, with Scorbunny laughing the entire time.
“What the fook is this shite?! Did your mum have a premature birth or something? Look at this poor bastard! It looks like a blind kindergartner drew the design! Am I gonna find a pack of neon color markers in the bush next to it? It looks like a flat, two dimensional cartoon in a world of 3D realism! I’ve seen Mimikyu with more realistic eyes than this thing! Look at those horns! Those fangs! Those crude, low effort, nubs it calls fangs! Is it supposed to be a devil of some sort? Does that mean this region has a concept of Christianity? Does that mean that this region believes Arceus is just a goat Pokémon? Just a myth? Is there a lot of friction between Christians and Arceusians in Galar? Oh Arceus God, that’s what this whole Team Yell business thing is gonna be about, innit? This dumb Pokémon just raises so many questions! And look at those noodly arms and hands! They look like a circus clown half-arsed a balloon into those things! Boy I sure hope I can teach my Impidimp Strength! Just look at those guns! Girls better watch out! These babies will make any bitches wet and preggers within a 5 yard radiance! Just look at this bugger! I think the Unovan Olympic Women’s Swim Team was wearing the same swimsuit! What, is it a Water type now? ‘Cause that sure as shite ain’t what my voodoo Pokédex is saying! Dark and Fairy type, eh? Yeah, I can see that second part. ‘Cause it sure looks like the fourth elemental monkey just came outta the closet! I’d hate to see what this fooker evolves into! They’d have to go and slap an AO rating on this game! Probably ban it in Iran as well while they’re at it! Just look at my poor Senator Hops N’ Scotch! My voodoo Pokédex said he was level six before this whole mess started. This Impidumb is so astoundingly stupid, it actually caused my starter severe brain damage and reduced his level by two! He’s only level four now! How does that even work?! He’s actually stupider now for having witnessed this monstrosity! I hope yew know that your Grookey is gonna be in charge of making sure poor Hops isn’t sterile after this as well! Ack, what the hell is that thing?! The next town over better have a tavern in it somewhere, ‘cause I’m gonna need a whole lot of ‘Fresh Water’ to make me forget having ever seen this thing before in my once sweet and innocent life! Jesus H. Christ, I guess in this region specifically!”
By now the Impidimp had wandered off and Patrick had caught a Yamper. Scorbunny had decided to take a nap.
“Oi! Yew dreaming about having a better life than this, Senator?” she said to the sleeping Pokémon. Scorbunny was already accustomed to her constantly loud volume.
“Hey! Did you catch your Route 1 Pokémon yet?” called Patrick, jogging over with his new doggy, who already had a Poké Ball in her mouth.
“Nah, Patrick, I was too busy just admirin’ the scenery. What did it look like I was doing?!” she replied. “Come on, then! Let’s find me a Pokémon that doesn’t make me want to see how many drips it would take for sulfuric acid to melt my eyeballs completely.”
The crew set out to find Moira’s second Pokémon. They eventually managed to stumble upon a relatively full Morpeko.
“Now ain’t this little jellybean just the cutest?” Moira exclaimed. “Now get in my ball, yew little shite!”
The new prisoner was summarily caught and rebranded with a new identity, Cruella B. Elzebub. All in all, not a completely horrible fate. With their freshly stocked team ready for action, Moira and Patrick moseyed on over to the next town, which will become available on October 19, 2019, only on the Nintendo Switch!
At the Pokémon Center, Moira sauntered up to Nurse Joy and said, “Top them off and put a cherry on top, ‘cause we’re here to take down the Gym Leader! Speaking of, where is the fella, anyway?”
The Teller
“Of course.” Nurse Joy gave Moira a pleasant smile and took the two PokeBalls from her. “He is in Unova now on vacation but do not worry, he’s coming back tomorrow.”
“Great!” Moira closed her eyes and smiled in return. “Thanks, Nurse Joy.” She said as she began to walk away towards the cafeteria to get herself something to eat while Nurse Joy heals up her Pokemon. Since the Gym Leader would be back tomorrow and she would finally get the chance to battle him, she had to do more training with her Pokemon. She needed to be prepared for this battle. She did not want to lose again.
She did not want to lose, period. It was the perfect time for her to get some training in to prepare for her upcoming gym battle. She cannot wait until she had the badge in her hand after a hard-fought battle between her and the gym leader of this city.
It would happen before she knew it.
—
“Senator, use Ember!” The little Scorbunny released a powerful Ember attack towards Cruella, who looked ready for it.
“Dodge it, Cruella!” Morpeko did exactly what Moira commanded and jumped, avoiding the power fire type attack and landed on its feet, awaiting for Moira’s next command. She, instead, starting clapping. Both Pokemon relaxed upon hearing Moira applauding them “Excellent job, you two. Keep this up and there is no chance of us not winning the badge.” Both Pokemon cheered with excitement. “Let's take a break for now.”
“Hey, Moira!”
Upon hearing her name being called, Moira turned her attention to see Sonia waving at her. Her face immediately lit up in delight when she saw her friend. “Sonia! It’s been so long.” She exclaimed, running up to Sonia and embracing her. “What are you doing here?”
The redhead turned around to look at her surroundings. “I’m here to do some research on the Pokemon here and I’m hoping to add it to my party,” Sonia told her friend and turned back around towards Moira. “What about you?”
“I’ve been training to prepare for my upcoming gym battle. The gym leader should be back tomorrow and I have to make sure I’m ready.” Moira explained before looking down at her Pokemon, who stood on either side of her. “They’ve really been putting it a lot of work and I could not be more proud of the progress they’ve made.” Both Pokemon’s lit up in delight with Moira’s compliment. “That gym badge is so ours, right guys?”
Moira’s fire bunny and her electric mouse Pokemon both nodded vigorously and she turned her attention back to her friend
“Hey Moira, if you don’t mind, would you help me out a bit?” Sonia asked.
“Not at all.” She turned back to her Pokemon. “Why don’t you guys get some rest?” She withdrew her Pokeballs from her belt and called both of her Pokemon back to their respective ball. “What do you need me to do?”
“I’m looking for an Alcremie, I would really love to catch one.” Sonia explained, “I heard they are here but I haven’t seen a single one yet, do you know if that is true?”
Moira placed her finger underneath her chin before looking up at the sky. “Not sure, I haven’t seen one yet but I will gladly help you look for one.”
“Aww, thank you so much, Moira.” Sonia embraced her friend yet again in pure joy. “I really appreciate you helping me like this.”
“It’s no problem at all.” The brunette closed her eyes and smiled before she opened them again. ”Let’s go get you an Alcremie!”
xEryChan
"...But where?" I said.
My companion, The J. Brunette, put a hand to her chin, deep in thought.
"I know! Let's check that tall pile of grass! Pokemon like to hide in those, right?"
"...Yes. Yes they do."
The two of us went into a convenient tall patch of grass to look. I sent out my own Pokemon to check as well.
<Wot, wot, where could that Alcremie have gotten to mate?> said Senator Hops N' Scotch.
<All I know is that whenever we find it, I'll turn it into a Joltik, a harmless little Joltik,> said Cruella B. Ezelbub. <And then I'll put that Joltik in a box, then put that box in another box, then mail it to myself and then I'll SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!>
I rolled my eyes. "Please don't."
"Who are you talking to?" said The.
"No one," I said.
It was then I noticed a rustling in the grass. Then a puff of green cream.
"AHA"
I pounced on it. The Alcreamie squealed then tried to slip away with its delicious, frosting body.
"No you don't! Hops, Blaze Kick!"
<WOT> said Senator Hops N. Scotch, kicking the Alcremie with FIRE.
The Alcremie squealed again as part of its frosting surface caramelized.
<Are you kidding me? Your attacks are half-baked.> said the Alcremie.
<Boooooo,> said Cruella B. Elzebub.
"For that," I said, "You get the Ultra Ball."
I tossed an Ultra Ball at the Alcremie, which sucked it in. It shook thrice and clicked.
"Woo!" I said. "I got one!"
"Really?" said The, rushing over. "Glad I could help!"
"...You didn't do anything."
I sighed, looking at the Ultra Ball. "I'm going to call you... Shou Tucker."
Suddenly there was a rumbling as a bunch of literal punks charged in close.
"We're Team Yell!" said one. "You're on the League Challenge right? You're p r o b l e m a t i c! Only Marnie's way of experiencing the League Challenge is valid!"
"If someone tells us to stop because they're uncomfortable or anxious, **** them!," said another. "We'll keep going! It's the harassment campaign or nothing and it's the most important thing to our existences!"
"Anyone who disagrees with us is a Bede apologist that needs to get destroyed!" said a third.
"Oh no, these people are horrible!" said The.
"I've seen worse on the Internet," I said.
I sent out Shou Tucker, and The J. Brunette sent out her Corviknight. Then suddenly black smoke billowed out from behind Team Yell, and there was a shout of "FOOOOOOOOOOLS! BEHOLD THE TRUE DARK FORCE OF GALAR!"
Umbramatic
I was unimpressed by it, of course, because when you've already seen what hellish things Shou Tucker could do, nothing fazes you anymore. Although the more I thought about it, the more I started questioning my skills as a trainer, and if I had gone too far and was in too deep in my weeb fantasies.
Team Yell was hooting and hollering, as usual, but they sounded more frenzied, and were running around and flailing about. J. Brunette was looking annoyed, and spun around, I guess to yell at them or something, only to gasp at the smoke.
I honestly don't see what's so surprising about the smoke, really.
A Dynamaxed Jun'ichi Masuda materialized from the nothingness, and the wailing and screeching of some other crowd around us increased. Team Yell and J. Brunette and her Pokémon were sucked into the darkness, although not without struggle. My Alcremie backed away to be at my side, which was surprising that he was rather bothered by the appearance of who amounted to be “God”, of which I questioned. Honestly, the man was looking like a hologram, I doubt he's even anywhere near the vicinity.
“Hey,” I called out, somewhat annoyed but I really don't care either way, “what's the big deal here? You've interrupted my battle.”
Masuda's beady eyes bore into my soul when he saw me there, and I envisioned a giant wall between us. It amused me, if only for a moment. It was also when I realized that I might not actually get to find out how that series ends, which is why what appears to be my inevitable doom is so upsetting. He raised a giant finger up into the air before swinging it down to point at me, which Cruella B. Elzebub chomped on like it could do anything. The colossal man didn't even flinch except to open his big maw and declare in a booming tone:
“POKÉMON GO HOME AND SLEEP.”
The pun dealt such critical damage I found myself waking up at the nearest Pokémon Center, and I might've gone deaf. I actually have no clue anymore, although judging from the way the buildings and people were glitching in-and-out of existence, I guess I got lucky in that regard. Not every day one survives some game-breaking mechanics. But that also meant that sooner or later, I'll have to fix this mess or whatever.
So with a sigh, I set up camp on the outskirts of town, saved, and then went back to catching up on my favorite series while my team interacted together (occasionally stepping in to make Senator Hops N’ Scotch behaved himself around Cruella, I don't want to deal with a bunch of eggs at the moment). Some Farfetch'd had wandered too close and became my dinner, so that was something, I suppose. No wonder they've been going extinct, they're just so bloody delicious.
Wait... there's an evolution now, isn't there? Apparently it was long overdue, among other things.
Feh. Guess I'll eat that one, too.
Kutie Pie
