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Final Battle Saga! (PG-13)

First off, the title is supposed to say, Pokemon: Final Battle Saga, but it won't let me post anything with Pokemon in the title. Strange, huh?

Anyways...

PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE READING MY FIC.

Okay, before I begin, I know that poeple are gonna complian with the chapters being too short, but let me explain one very simple thing to you:

THE CHAPTERS ARE MEANT TO BE SHORT, SO DEAL WITH IT!!

Also, I have desinged it, and so that it is as if you missed alot of the show. All things will be explained as you go along.

----------

Okay, now with that out of the way, let's begin.

Here it is, my fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon. If I did, would I be wasting my time around places like this?

---------

Pokemon: Final Battle Saga
Chapter 1

We start our story, with seeing Ash, a black-haired teen, in the Elite Finals, up against Richie, a brown haired teen about Ash’s age. They are battling for the title of Pokemon Master of the World. Ash has Charizard, an orange dragon Pokemon, out, and Richie has Tyranitar, a green and black dinosaur like creature. Both are down to their last Pokemon, and both are extremely exhausted.

“Charizard, Flamethrower!” Ash commands his Charizard.

Charizard launches out a burst of orange like flames from its mouth.

“Tyranitar, Hyper Beam!” Richie commands as a counter.

Tyranitar launches a yellow like beam from its mouth.

Both of the attacks collide with one another, and a gigantic explosion happens. Smoke covers the entire field, completely blocking anyone from seeing what is going on. The smoke soon clears, and both Charizard and Tyranitar are still up, but neither has the strength left to attack. Both of the pokemon stare eachother down, and they both start to fall. Tyranitar lands hard onto the ground and Charizard catches himself from landing on the ground.

“Tyranitar is unable to battle, Charizard wins!” The ref says, making Charizard’s win official. “The winner is Ash from Pallet Town!”

All of Ash’s friends in the stands, Brock, a black spike haired boy, Misty, a red-haired girl with a side pony-tail fashion, Max, a black haired boy with glasses, Tracey, a black haired boy, Delia, a brown haired woman, Ash’s mom, and Professor Oak, a gray haired old man, cheered for Ash’s victory.

Ash just stood there completely stunned. “I’ve won.” He said in disbelief. “I can’t believe it! I’ve won!” He then said in triumph.

Misty then ran up to Ash and hugged him. “I can’t believe it! You won!” She yells.

Ritchie just stood there in disbelief. He then smiled, and took out a pokeball. “Tyranitar, Return.” He said as a red beam engulfed Tyranitar, and it returned into its pokeball.

Ritchie than walked up to Ash, and shook his hand. “That was a great battle, Ash. I’m quite impressed.”

“Thanks Ritchie, you did well too.” Ash said in return.

Misty then just looked at Ash, with a bright smile. ‘I can’t believe it! Ash finally won! But now I wonder what is left for him after this. Maybe I should finally tell him.’ Misty thought to herself.

We now see Ash and Misty together in a forest, completely alone.

“So, you wanted to speak to me, Misty?” Ash asked her.

“Yes, I do.” Misty said to him. “There’s something, I need to tell you, something that I’ve been hiding from you for a long time.”

“You can tell me anything, Misty. You’re my best friend.”

Misty then let out a sigh. “Ash, I...” Misty was cut short when she heard a scream. Both her and Ash went to check it out.

---End Chapter 1---


Chapter 2


Ash and Misty ran to where the scream had come from, and saw a hot air balloon in front of them. They then heard an evil laugh.

“Prepare for Trouble.” A red haired woman said.

“And make it Double.” A blue haired man continued.

“To protect the world from devastation.”

“To unite all peoples within our nation.”

“To denounce the evils of truth and love.”

“To extend our reach to the stars above.”

“Jessie.”

“James.”

“Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light.”

“Surrender now, or prepare to fight.”

“Meowth! Dat’s right!” A cat like pokemon said.

“Wobbuffett!” A blue blob like pokemon said with a salute.

“Team Rocket!” Ash and Misty yelled.

“Pikapi!” Pikachu, a yellow, rodent like pokemon yelled, who was in a glass case.

Brock and Max arrived soon after. “Ash, we heard a scream and.” Brock started to say, but then he looked up. “Team Rocket!” He yelled.

“Give back Pikachu!” Ash said.

“What do you think the answer is? It’s a no, just in case if you don’t know.” James yelled back to him.

“Like it always is!” Max said.

“Besides, the boss is fed up!” Jessie says.

“Really?” Max said in a sarcastic tone.

“Yea, he said dat if we don’t bring back Pikachu soon, he’ll fire us. And dare aren’t any decent jobs around dat pay as much as he does.” Meowth says.

“In that case,” Misty said as she got ready to battle. “Corsola, go!” A pink and white coral like pokemon came out of the pokeball.

“Corsola!” It shouted.

“Corsola, Spike Cannon!” Misty commanded.

Corsola glowed an intense white, and fired many spikes at Team Rocket.

“Not dis time kid!” Meowth said as he pushed a button.

The front part of the basket opened, and a huge metal square appeared, blocking Corsola’s attack.

Everyone was shocked to see that the attack didn’t hit.

“It didn’t work?” Max said in shock.

Meowth let out a laugh. “You won’t win dis time!”

“We’ve found a way to make our balloon the ultimate fighting machine.” James said.

“Hit it, Meowth!” Jessie said.

“Right!” Meowth pushed a blue button.

The balloon started transforming right in front of them. The basket grew legs from the very bottom, and then glass surrounded the part in between the basket and the balloon. Finally, arms appeared from the sides of the basket, turning the balloon into a robot.

Ash and co just stood there in complete amazement at what had appeared.

“Let’s get dem!” Meowth said.

“Roger!” Jessie and James said in union.

“Sceptile, go!” Ash yelled, throwing out a pokeball.

A green, gecko-like pokemon, with leaves coming out of his arms appeared, and shouted its name.

“Sceptile, Leaf Blade!” Ash commanded.

Sceptile’s arm turned white, he jumped high into the air, and launched his arm right into the balloon. However, it seemed to cause no damage. Ash and co stood there shocked.

Meowth let out an evil laugh. “You’ll neva save Pikachu like dat!” Meowth said.

“We’ve upgraded it to make sure that it can withstand all of the attacks you throw at us.” James explained.

“So you’ll never save Pikachu!” Jessie said.

All three Team Rocket Members then pulled on their eyelid and stuck out their tongue, teasing the twerps.

“We’ll save Pikachu some how!” Ash taunted back.

“You’ll neva save him! Get ready for de ultimate fight!” Meowth said.

---End Chapter 2---

Well, what do you think?

Remember, the chapters are meant to be short, so no complaining.

Well, I'll see ya later. :)

;151; - Mew!
 

Brian Random

I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!
No complaints about short stories?

*Looks down in a 'no fair' fashion, then quickly looks up.*

Well, apart from that, it's good so far. Unlike me, you're sticking to one tense, which is good, but most most writers I know write in past tense.

And Team Rocket... I just hope something humourous comes up, cos they are funny like always.

I predict that they're gonna say "Haha! We have every defence against any of your attacks", and then something bad comes up for them and Jesse yells at James and Meowth that they've forgotten one little detail and such and such (Thinks: That would be good).

EDIT: Hey, first to review! Haha!
 
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LugiaMew

Guest
o_O;; Team Rocket FINALLY act like really evil people!! yay!! I wonder what Misty has to tell Ash.......

P.S Hey, cool! You were second to reply to my fic, and I'm second to reply to your new fic!!
 
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Latiasheat

Guest
Looking good Pokeplayer. PM me when your next chapter is up. And would you guys please give me some suggestions for my fan fic so i can post the next chapters? Please with a cherry on top?
 

EmberStar the Blaziken

Kung-Pow Chicken
Hey John! I knew this would be an MM prequel! Why didn't you PM me? **** ;375; Anyway when will the next Two chapters?

Btw the tyranatar has a name: Cruz.
 
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Wierdo

Guest
Wheeeee! Me likes! This is sort of sounding like a prequel to Misty's Miracle. Not that that's a bad thing though. It's good to see Team Rocket succeed once in a while. Can you please PM me when the next chapter is up?
 
big evil: Oh! I'm not done with the robot's capabilaties yet. There's more to come. :)

LugiaMew: Hints will be given as I go along as to what Misty wanted to say.

Latiasheat: *puts Latiasheat on the list.* Done! Oh, and as I have experienced with most writers, it's best to try to come up with ideas of your own, but that doesn't mean you can't steal stuff from others, right? ;)

EmberStar the Blaziken: This is not a prequel. There will be somethings in it that will make that quite obvious. Also, don't forget, if this was a prequel, Pik would be in it. Do you see her? :) *Adds EmberStar to the list.* Also, I didn't forget the T-tar's name, I just didn't use it. ;) Besides, he's only around for one scene.

Wierdo: Like I said, it's not a prequel. I will make it obvious with several things in it. The first being no Pik. :)

I'll tell you all again. This is not a prequel to Misty's Miracle, but an interally different story.

I'll have the next chapters up by Wednesday.

Until then, see ya. :)

;151; - Mew!
 
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Wierdo

Guest
Then again pokeplayer, Misty could have returned to the gym after this story and then found Pik. I probably forgot about some timeline issues though.
 

WaterTrainer243

Veteran Water Lover
Not bad so far, but combining the two chapters is, no offense, somewhat of a novice move. But it's still good nonetheless.
 

Breezy

Well-Known Member
We start our story, with seeing Ash, a black-haired teen, in the Elite Finals, up against Richie, a brown haired teen about Ash’s age.
There are a lot of spaces in this sentence. While some are needed, some just give readers a chance to catch their breath when they don't need it.

We start our story with seeing Ash, a black-haired teen, in the Elite Finals up against Richie, a brown haired teen about Ash’s age.

This sentence isn't really parallel either. Perhaps finding finding another word to replace "seeing" would be better but meh.

All of Ash’s friends in the stands, Brock, a black spike haired boy, Misty, a red-haired girl with a side pony-tail fashion, Max, a black haired boy with glasses, Tracey, a black haired boy, Delia, a brown haired woman, Ash’s mom, and Professor Oak, a gray haired old man, cheered for Ash’s victory.
Aw, May's not Ash's friend? =/ Where is she anyways?
Ritchie just stood there in disbelief. He then smiled, and took out a pokeball. “Tyranitar, Return.” He said as a red beam engulfed Tyranitar, and it returned into its pokeball.

Ritchie than walked up to Ash, and shook his hand. “That was a great battle, Ash. I’m quite impressed.”

“Thanks Ritchie, you did well too.” Ash said in return.
Wow, sudden switch from present tense to past. Pick one you feel easier to write with and stick with it.

Grammar also needs a fine tune up especially with the misuse of commas thing. Perhaps a proofreader will help with this ja?

Description . . . rathe vague but the general idea was heard- well, read actually. 'Course, you never really want to settle for general idea description but yeah, tis fine I guess.

At least Team Rocket created a fool proof plan in this fic. ^_^ So plotwise, your pretty good.

Overall, mmmkay, keep working on it, you have potential. ^^

LaTeR dAyZ!
 
Wierdo: Looks like I'm just gonna have to prove it to you with several hints, which I will. :)

WaterTrainer243: Yea, I know. :( However, I knew there wasn't enough stuff in Chapter 1 to give me a good rate, so I just decided to add in another one. :)

Breezy: She'll make an appearance later. :) Also, thanks for the tips. I really thought I had this whole thing figured out by now. Guess not. :(

Also, just you wait. You haven't seen anything yet with the mecha. :)

Well, see ya. :)

;151; - Mew!
 
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lugin1212

Guest
yea new fic already PARTY!:club:pARTY!:club: i just checked today cant wait for your next chapter tomorrow.
oooooooo more to the robot/balloon :meowthbal ("attack";222; ;025;pika!!(help!!):meowthbal"kackle kackle"
i bet there will be lasers huh and missles all over with nets and bombs and all the classic team rocket stuff.
anyway good luck on next chapter
 
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Burnt Flower

Horror Mistress
Hmm...

I only saw one spelling and capitalization error in these two chapters (eachother-each other, pokeball-Pokeball) so you did a pretty good job on spelling. Grammar, on the other hand, still needs a bit more work. One of the grammar issues that I can see in your story is the misuse of the comma (like Breezy mentioned), sudden tense changes (that, once again, Breezy said), and incorrect dialogue punctuation (among some others). Here are some examples:
“Tyranitar, Return.” He said as a red beam engulfed Tyranitar, and it returned into its pokeball.

'Pokeball' should be capitalized, while 'return' shouldn't. The comma before the second quotation mark should be replaced by a comma and 'he' shouldn't be capitalized since it continues the sentence. 'said', 'engulfed' and 'returned' are in past tense when it should be in present. This should be:
“Tyranitar, return,” he says as a red beam engulfs Tyranitar, and it returns into its Pokeball.

Here's another example:
“I can’t believe it! You won!” She yells.

'she' shouldn't be capitalized. This should be:
“I can’t believe it! You won!” she yells.

And yet another one:
“Prepare for Trouble.” A red haired woman said.

Like I said before, the period before the second quotation mark should be a comma. 'a' and 'trouble' shouldn't be capitalized. This whole thing is supposed to be:
“Prepare for Trouble,” a red haired woman said.

There are more errors; these were some examples to help you.

Use italics for thoughts:
‘I can’t believe it! Ash finally won! But now I wonder what is left for him after this. Maybe I should finally tell him.’ Misty thought to herself.

Don't write in narrator mode:
We start our story, with seeing Ash, a black-haired teen, in the Elite Finals, up against Richie, a brown haired teen about Ash’s age.

We now see Ash and Misty together in a forest, completely alone.


I think it would be better if you wrote only in the past tense, since writing in the present tense is quite complicated. Here are some sentences that you used the past tense, while writing in present tense:
Misty then just looked at Ash, with a bright smile. ‘I can’t believe it! Ash finally won! But now I wonder what is left for him after this. Maybe I should finally tell him.’ Misty thought to herself.

Misty then let out a sigh. “Ash, I...” Misty was cut short when she heard a scream. Both her and Ash went to check it out.

There are others like these, other than the ones Breezy discovered.

I won't repeat the comma issue.

There needs to be much more decription so your readers can have an even clearer picture in their minds. Add details to every little thing.

It's a bit too early to say if this is going to be original or not, so I won't say too much about it. I'll just comment on one line that could've had a bit more impact. Here it is:
Misty then let out a sigh. “Ash, I...” Misty was cut short when she heard a scream. Both her and Ash went to check it out.

The sentence that's in bold is the one I think it should've been removed to leave your readers in suspence (that sentence sort of cut it off) Also, describing that scream would've created a bigger effect.

So there's going to be Pokeshipping, cool, though don't write Ash and Misty OOC (which I know you won't; their characterizations were pretty good here)

Work on the grammar issues so your story will really shine.
 
Chapter 3 & 4!! Whee!!

Thanks for all of the tips guys. It has been a while since I last did something that was battlewise, so I might be a bit rusty at it. I'll try my best to improve it anyway I can. (Except for length of course.) :D

Now, here's the next two chapters. :)

----------
Chapter 3​

“You’re history, kid!” Meowth yelled as he launched an attack.

“I don’t think so, go Snorlax!” Ash said, throwing another pokeball. A gigantic sumo like creature appeared.

“Snorlax, Snore!” It said.

“I’ll help too! Go Gyarados!” Misty yelled as she threw a pokeball. A huge, blue, serpent dragon like pokemon appeared. It roared at Team Rocket.

“Snorlax!”

“Gyarados!”

“Hyper Beam attack!” Both Ash and Misty yelled.

Both pokemon launched a yellow like beam at the giant robot.

“Oh yeah? Watch dis!” Meowth said.

The giant robot then put up its arms, and absorbed the attack. Ash and co were completely shocked. The giant robot then launched the absorbed attacks right back at the pokemon. Ash and co couldn’t believe that Team Rocket’s robot could do that.

“Impossible!” Max said.

Meowth let out an evil laugh. “See, told ya it can withstand your attacks!” He said.

Meanwhile, Pikachu is trying to escape from his glass case, but continues to fail.

“Stop wasting your energy!” Meowth said to him.

“Just like all the other times, the case is one hundred percent Pika-proof.” Jessie said.

“Snorlax, use Mega Punch!” Ash shouted.

Snorlax clenched his hand into a fist, it became an intense white, and he launched it right at Team Rocket.

“Oh yeah?” Meowth said.

The robot then caught the fist. Ash and co were completely surprised. Snorlax then tried to throw his other fist into the robot, but it caught that one too. Once Misty saw this, she got an idea.

“Gyarados! Go behind it and use Hyper Beam!” She yelled.

While the robot was busy trying to overcome Snorlax, Gyarados got behind the robot and launched a yellow beam at it.

“Not dis time!” Meowth said.

The giant robot then threw Snorlax right in the way of the Hyper Beam, completely blocking the attack from hitting it. The resulting collision knocked out both Gyarados and Snorlax.

“Snorlax, return!” Ash said. A red beam engulfed Snorlax as it returned.

Misty growled and then let out a defeated groan. “Gyarados, return!” Gyarados returned to its pokeball.

“Now, for our get away. Hit it, Meowth!” Jessie said.

“Right!” Meowth pushed a yellow button.

The giant robot then grew gigantic wings, and launched itself into the air.

Ash quickly ran after them. Misty and the others followed.

“I’ve just got to save Pikachu, no matter what it takes.” Ash thought to himself.

---Chapter 3---

Chapter 4​

Ash and co continued chasing Team Rocket. Ash soon came to a cliff, and stopped himself right at the edge. He let out a sigh of relief. Suddenly, Misty crashed into him, pushing him a bit. Then Brock, and finally, Max. Ash slipped and fell off the cliff.

“Ash!” Misty yelled as he fell off.

Ash then grabbed onto a tree that was sticking out of the cliff, and saved himself. He then looked down, and saw nothing but blackness below him.

He then looked up and shouted at the group. “Hey! Could you help me out?”

Brock then got a rope out of his backpack, and they pulled him up.

As soon as he was off the cliff, Ash started running.

“Ash! Where are you going?” Misty asked.

He turned around and looked at her. “I’m going to save Pikachu!” He said.

Brock then got in front of Ash and blocked his way. “Wait a minute, Ash!”

“Brock! I have to save Pikachu!” He said to him.

“Ash! We don’t even know where they’ve gone now, and have no clues to lead us to them! I think it’s wise for us to get some rest and search in the morning! It’s quite late, anyways.”

Ash let out a growl. He then turned his head away from Brock. “Fine!” He said, unsatisfied. “Pikachu, hang in there. I’ll get you back!” Ash thought to himself.

We now go to where Team Rocket is spending the night. They are awake near a small campfire that they made, celebrating their latest capture.

“We have Pikachu! We have Pikachu!” They said, dancing around the campfire.

“Wobbuffett!” Wobbuffett, who was guarding Pikachu, said in a salute.

“I can’t believe it! We finally found a way to successfully capture Pikachu!” James said.

“We’ll finally get dat big promotion dat we’ve always wanted!” Meowth said.

“Hooray!” They all said at the same time.

We now go back to where Ash and Co are. Max, Misty and Brock are fast asleep, but Ash is wide awake, unable to even want to sleep.

“Pikachu.” He says in a soft, sad tone, staring at the campfire.

Misty then woke up and looked over at Ash.

“Can’t sleep, huh?” She asked.

Ash didn’t even respond.

Misty then let out a sigh. “I can’t either.” She said and sat down next to Ash.

“I just know I’m going to get Pikachu back. I just don’t know how I’m gonna do it.” Ash said to her.

“Well, you won’t be able to do it if you’re tired. You’ve got to get some sleep.”

“Yea, I know, but I can’t seem to sleep. I just can’t get over how Team Rocket got away.”

“I know what you mean, Ash. I’ve never seen a robot that powerful before.”

“I just don’t see how we can win this time.”

A moment of silence surrounded the area. Misty finally broke the silence. “We’ll find a way to win, Ash. We always have.”

“You know, Misty. I’m glad you came back to travel with us.” He said, changing the subject.

“I’m glad to be back, Ash. Besides, the gym wasn’t helping me too much with my skills.”

“I could tell!” They both then laughed for a little bit, but it was short lived as they started remembering Pikachu.

“I’ve just got to get him back, Misty.”

“I know you will somehow, Ash. You’d better get some rest. We’ve got to start early tomorrow morning.” She said as she went back to sleep.

Ash just stared at her. “She is so beautiful. I just wish I could tell her how I feel about her.” He thought to himself. He soon went to sleep.

---End Chapter 4---

------------------

Well, what do you think so far?

I hope you at least understand everything in it.

In case you didn't notice, I added in another hint that it's not a MM prequel.

Ash is The Pokemon Master of the World now, and the secret hasn't been told.

In MM, I told you that they were bf/gf at that point. In this, they are still just friends. :)

If this doesn't prove anything, I'll have one last hint that will indeed prove it.

Well, see ya. :)

;151; - Mew!
 

Brian Random

I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!
It's... kinda good, but I didn't find much 'spark' on these two chapters, apart from the battle with the big robot and the moment with Ash and Misty, those two were good.

*Tries to hold back the complaints about the length*

Now you've mentioned about being rusty about being battlewise, I think I can help you out mate. Check out my fanfiction and you may get some tips.
 
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lugin1212

Guest
Wow second review cool nice chapter 2 hyperbeams geez they really did make that thing unstoppable i have a feeling pikachus gonna be back next 2 chapters ;025;Thunder PIKA! :meowthbal huh aaaaaaahhh "boom" looks like team rockets blasting off again "ding":D
(tell me if that starts to get annoying :):):D
good luck on next chapters.:)
 
big evil: Thanks! I'll make sure to check it out. Only tips I ever got for battles, was from a rated R fic. -_-

lugin1212: Nah! It's not annoying. In fact, I enjoy hearing that. :) Of course, everytime they go blasting off, I just hope they stay blasted off.

Well, I'll be making some last minute changes to the next chapter. I'm not liking how it is.

I'll try to have it up by Saturday.

See ya. :)

;151; - Mew!
 
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Latiasheat

Guest
So far so good. Keep it up, don't slack off! Pokeplayer, you're awesome dude!
 
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lugin1212

Guest
this is such a good fic i just cant wait for the chapters i might read all in 1 sitting when u finish so i dont have to wait :D) but first read like everyone else.:)
(ill probably do a little tiny picture skit every time i post that ties in with last chapters or a bit in future that i think might happen.
(heres the skit) ash:look charizard ;006;roar! ash: can u see team rocket roar!(yes)--teamrocket: we got pikachu we got pikachu! wob;025;pikachuuuuu!;052;dont waste your breath your just helping us cook our dinner(sees wire connected to jar)--on charizard ash:charizard flamethrower;006;roar!--;052;uuh guys whats dat noise uhoh ow ow ow ow ;025;shatter:meowthbal uhoh ;025; piiiii! teamrocket:stop no--kaaaaaa!; teamrocket:aaaaaaaahhh--chuuuuuuuuuu!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!boom! LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKETS BLASTING OFF AGAIN!;202;wob!DING
(this was Lugin1212's mini skit theater thank you thank you
crickets:crick crick crick
"Sigh" walks off stage dissapointed.
crunch!
cricket:stops
crowd sweat drops
(hope i didnt over do the "little"skit.)
Good luck on next chapters there getting better each moment i read.(and u were a 11/10 already )
ran out smileys or would have done more pokesmilies
 
Latiasheat: Thank you! :)

lugin1212: LOL! :) Well, let's just say I have something else planned for the fic.

Well, I fixed up the chapters and they're better then they were the original was. :)

Well, See ya! :)

;151; - *plays with the new avatar.*

EDIT: What? I'm a Normal Corrdinator now? 0_0
 
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