Final Fantasy: X to 7

[The Mega Champion]

Ah... F it!!! I'm going for it!!!

Prologue

22 years ago, a girl named Yuna was heading to Zanarkand on a suicide mission. Along for the ride was a boy named Tidus. Although Yuna and everyone of her guardians, Wakka, Lulu, Kimahri, Auron, and Rikku, liked Tidus, they couldn't tell him the truth. The fact that Yuna would die after she got and summoned the Final Aeon. What made it worse was the fact that she would die at the hands of her own Final Aeon. Eventually, Tidus found out. Then, he made a promise to Yuna. He said that he wouldn't let her die. He'd find a way for her not to die. He was able to keep his promise. Since Sin was his father, who was Jecht, and since he liked the Hymn of the Fayth, they used it to calm Sin and fight him. Eventually, they made it to the inside of Sin. Then, they fought and defeated Jecht, their own Aeon allies, and Yu Yevon. Then Tidus dissapeared. Because he was a dream of the Fayth, and their dream ended, which made Tidus dissapear.
20 years ago, Yuna became a sphere hunter and joined the Gullwings with Rikku, Paine, Brother, Buddy, and Shinra. They had many adventures. Of course, the only reason Yuna was with them was because of a sphere that had a person who liked like Tidus on it. Then, they found who it truly was. But first, they were forced to fight their old Aeons from 22 years ago, again. This time they fell into the darkness and became fiends. Then, Yuna thought she found Tidus, but it was a boy named Shuyin. They found out that Shuyin thought that Yuna was Lenne, a songstress and a summoner from Zanarkand 1,020 years ago. Shuyin wanted to use Vegnagun, the strongest machina ever created by man, but Lenne stopped him and they both died. Yet Shuyin possesed Nooj to get to Vegnagun and use it in the future. After Nooj's, Gippal's, Baralai's, and Paine's visit to a tunnel filled with pyreflies in the Mushroom Rock Road. Then he came out of Nooj and possessed Baralai in the Bevelle Underground. They went to the Farplane and destroyed Vegnagun and tried to have Yuna tell Shuyin, as Lenne, that she loved him. But Shuyin saw that Yuna wasn't Lenne. Then they beat Shuyin and Lenne came out of Yuna and lived with Shuyin happily ever after. Also, Yuna found out about the life force that flows throughout the planet that could be manufactured and made into energy to make cities like Zanarkand 1,020 years ago from Shinra before the fight against Vegnagun and Shuyin. But, she wouldn't live to see it. Anyway, the Fayth returned Tidus and him and Yuna lived happily ever after.
Now, Shinra continues producing the energy from the life force of the planet. Hopefull, my sons or daughters will see it's result to it's fullest.

That's it!!! What do you think? Comments and questions allowed. Just please don't flame me. Because this is my first fanfiction ever ^_^'.

 

[indigestible_wad]

Well, it wasn't the best, you could use more description in your story, but this was a prolouge explaining the other two games, it was fine to do that.

because of a sphere that had a person who liked like Tidus on it.

I'm not exactly sure what that was supposed to be.

I'm glad you explained the story of the two other ones, it really does give background. Besides, I haven't played the games.

 

[The Mega Champion]

^^^ Oops. Sorry about that ^_^' It's supposed to be "looked like" Alright, I'll try to do better discription, but I'm not really good at it...

 

[The Mega Champion]

Sorry for the DP, but it's time for Chapter 1!!! Now... be forewarned, all this chapter is, is description of what the main characters look like.


Final Fantasy: X to 8
Chapter 1: Tidus and Yuna's children and Wakka and Lulu's boy 20 years after Final Fantasy X-2
------------------------

A boy came out of a medium sized tent. He looked exactly like Tidus. Blonde hair and tannish skin with a face similar to a Hawaain but still different. Brown eyes with a yellow short and longed sleved shirt that was yellow except for his pocket on his left arm that was white. A necklase around his neck with the Zanarkand Abes signia on it. On his right arm, a plastic-type like blue shoulder pad that went down to his elbow. On his elbow was a red "cage" like elbow pad that you could see through to his elbow. A gold wrist band and glove with a clown type other wristband on his wrist. Blue overalls with buckels to adjust it and other metal designs just for show. A black belt with a square metal buckell in the middle. Black pants; a chain went from the right side of his belt to his right pant leg. A blue type of thigh pad on his right leg. On his left leg, another type of knee pad but it wasn't a knee pad. It just surrounded his left kneecap. It also had a red Zanarkand Abes signia on it. Black socks with yellow on the first half of his shoe and black on the bottom. They were like tennis shoes. Medium build.
A girl that looked exactly like Yuna came up to the boy. She had browish hair that was like short hair. It wen to her shoulders. With a long Indian type earring on her left ear. A necklace that had a metal M on it except the left and right side of it was shorter. Like this: 'I'. A white toga like thing surrounded her chest and abdomen with a yellow band with greenish decorations on it that was tied on her back in a huge ribbon tying. White band acroos the middle of that with a red bow hanging on the right side. white wristband on her arms with a black string holding it together. You can still see her shoulder and some of her arm. Her wrist and hand could be seen also. It had a long extension on it. Firsty half white; second half light purple. Purple dress with a green and red rosebush decoration on it. Two blue, black, and yellow strings holding it. Black boots. She looked like Yuna as a summoner. Yuna and Tidus gave them these clothes, since they thought they would look good in it.
"Good morning Tidna!" said the woman to the boy. "Good morning Yudus." said Tidsna to the woman. "I know! Let's wake up Vidina!" said Yudus. "Heh, alright Yudus." said Tidsna.
Vidina came ouit of the Crusader hut that was large in size and looked like a tipee. It was blue. He had orange hair that swerved to the left on the right side of his hair. He had blue and yellow overalls with two metal buttons to hold it. The blue was on top of the yellow on his overalls. He had purple sleves that went to his wrists with gold "~~~~~~~~~~~~" decorations on it. He had purple pants with black all over his knees to his ankles. He had two yellow sandles with blue strapes on it. This was specially made by Wakka and Lulu, signifying that he was a blitzball player and user of a ball, but was a black mage as well. A black mage is one who can use magic. Like Fire, Water, Ice, Lightning, etc. So he was kind of like a blitzball mage. He headed over to meet up with Tidsna and Yudus.

 

[indigestible_wad]

I can see what you mean. You don't need to describe everything about them, just enough to be able to tell what they look like, another thing is that it's better to put in description as the person is doing something, so your chapters don't get clogged up by description. You aslo might wasnt to put spaces in your paragraphs.

 

[Ryusuke Hikari]

Well, I don't know what to say. It wasn't your best. Your description is okay (a lot better than how I describe things, though. ^_^) and it's a bit short (but, oh, well). And, so you mean there's no Cloud in this one? If not, that's okay. ^_^

I can see what you mean. You don't need to describe everything about them, just enough to be able to tell what they look like, another thing is that it's better to put in description as the person is doing something, so your chapters don't get clogged up by description. You aslo might wasnt to put spaces in your paragraphs.

I agree with you. He really needs to decribe how the person is doing something.

Prolouge-7/10
Chapter 1-7/10

So, I'm just going to give you a C on this one.

 

[The Mega Champion]

I think this is going to be the first chapter that's long. Most of this chapter is just conversation, but there is description.


Final Fantasy: X to 7

Chapter 2: The adventure begins
---------------------------------------------

Vidina ran towards Tidsna and Yudus, hoping to talk to them. "Heeeeey!!!" yelled Vidina as he ran toward them. "Heh heh, nevermind, looks like he's already up." said Yudus as she giggled. Tidsna rolled his eyes as he said "Yeah, looks like it." Vidina caught up to them. He slouched down and took some deep breaths. Yudus bent down to check on him. "Are you alright Vidina?" asked Yudus. Vidina gasped for some air as he said "Yeah, I'm fine." He stood up straight and Yudus got up. Vidina looked straight at Tidsna. "Well?" Vidina asked all of a sudden. "Have you asked?" Tidsna went from non-serious to serious in a second flat. "Not yet." Tidsna started "I was waiting for the perfect time to ask." Yudus got into the conversation. "What about you Vidina?" she asked. "Did you ask Wakka and Lulu?" Vidina answered enthusiastically. "I did" Tidsna seemed shocked at this. "Well?" What did they say?" asked Tidsna. "They said I could go!" Vidina started, as he put his left arm against his neck "That's, well, as long as you two go with me." Tidsna rolled his eyes again. "That's just great" Tidsna started, he sounded sarcastic. "Because we haven't asked Tidus and Yuna yet." "Hmm..." Vidina started to think "Why don't you ask them now?" Vidina asked Tidsna "I'm sure they'll say you can go as long as you go with me and Yudus" "Well..." Tidsna started "They're in the Temple" Yudus finished what Tidsna was about to say. "Usually, they go there to pray. They us to never bother them" Tidsna finished what Yudus was saying. "Unless it's an emergency." Vidina look saddened by this "Oh... Well can't you ask them anyway?" he asked. Yudus looked at Tidsna. " I don't think it'll hurt Tidsna. They'll understand." Tidsna shrugged, then sighed, then said "Alright, why not." Vidina jogged in place and faced toward the temple as he said "Then let's go!!!" Tidsna laughed as he said "Alright" They headed towards the Besaid Temple.

Meanwhile...

"You sure?" asked Tidus to Yuna while she was praying to her father's statue. "Yeah, pretty sure." Yuna started. " I can see it in their eyes especially your lookalike of when you were only a teenager, they want to go on an adventure." Tidus didn't seem to shocked. "Hm. Well then I guess they have our gene that makes them want to go on an adventure." Yuna seemed happy "Yeah, they do. I don't blame them either. More has changed to Spira now then what was changed 20 years ago." "That's true" Tidus started "Especially Shinra's continuing experiment with the life force that flows threw this planet." Yuna turned around and looked at Tidus stopping her prayer. Tidus, with his same hair except it was brown. Orange toga like short sleeved shirt with a big black Zanarkand Abes signia on the back. You could see some of his chest. Orange sweat pants and black tennis shoes. His voice was the same, except some of his father's deep voice was added to his. So it was a mixture of his voice, and Jecht's voice. Yuna got up She kind of looked like Lenne now. Her voice was like Lenne's too. Long brown hair that went to her thigh. Purple toga tanktop, two wrinkled-like purple wristbands. You could still see her shoulders , some of her arm, and her hands. Purple skirt that looked wrinkled as well. Big brown boots with white shoestrings. "That's right!!!" Yuna started, she sounded excited "Shinra's experiment. I'd love to see his progress." Tidus smiled then said "Then why don't we go with them? We can come up with a reason to go with them." Yuna looked angry at the idea, but then smiled. "All right"

After she said that, Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina came in. Tidus looked angrily at Tidsna he also had his arms crossed. "What did we tell you about when me and your mother are here?" He asked Tidsna. Tidsna moved his arms as he tried to explain. "But..." He started but Yuna interrupted him. "Your lucky were done praying. So what do you kids want?" She asked. Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina smiled. Tidsna asked both Tidus and Yuna. “Mom, dad, can me, Yudus, and Vidina go check out Spira? As you probably know, Shinra was experimenting with the life for that flows through out planet. He’s already starting to manufacture it into energy. I want to see what he’s doing with it and how he’s applying it to the cities. Besides, Spira has changed more now than it did 20 years ago. So come on, can me, Yudus, and Vidina see how Spira’s changed?” Tidus and Yuna looked serious and had their arms crossed. Yuna answered him. “Your right Tidsna, Spira has changed more now than it did 20 years ago. I can see you really want to adventure. So, you, Yudus, and Vidina can go.” “Yes!!!” said Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina together. But, Tidus interrupted them. “But, it’s dangerous out there. There are strong fiends everywhere. You’re going to need adult supervision, so we’re going with you. Tidsna sighed, but he didn’t care what he had to do. Neither did Yudus or Vidina. “That’s fine. Now can we go?” asked Tidsna. Tidus closed his eyes and smiled. “Not yet. Hold on, I have a present for you. It’s going to be you new weapon. Use it well. I had it made especially for you. Let me go get it.” Tidsna got excited. “Okay!” Tidus left to get Tidsna’s new weapon. Tidsna couldn’t wait to get his new weapon.

 

[Ryusuke Hikari]

Okay description. The story is slowly developing. Keep it up. It's a bit short though.

But, if you have Sephiroth in this fic use his quote in my sig, if you want.

 

[indigestible_wad]

Well, first of all, you need to put your story into paragraphs, it's too confusing when you have all the characters talking in one paragraph. Didn't your english teacher teach you anything? The description was okay, you could do better, but the thing about the description is that you gave it away right in the middle of a converstion, you could have given it at a better time, ease the information out slowly, instead of giving it all away at a bad time.

 

[The Mega Champion]

I think my chapters are going to start to get longer. But maybe not. I really can't make my chapters long so you’re just going to have to deal. Besides, I don't see the big deal in making them long anyway.


Chapter 3: Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina's weapons; Off to Kilika
------------------------------------

“If you can” Tidsna started “Hurry up dad!!!” Tidsna said as he waved to his dad as he left. Tidus stopped and closed his eyes and smiled again. As he left, Tidus said “I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic about this adventure, but Spira isn’t going to grow legs and run away. So don’t worry.” Tidsna blushed and rubbed the back of his head with his left hand, then said “Heh, yeah you’re right. Okay, just be sure to get it!” Tidus left the temple. Yuna left too, but only to one of the rooms near the stairs to the Cloister of Trials. Yudus looked confused but she was surprised too. Then Yudus said “Well that was weird. Where is she going?” Vidina tried to answer her. “I only wish I knew Yudus.” Vidina shrugged as he said that. They didn’t have to wait long, because she was only in the room for 10 seconds. Yuna came out with a staff, a ball, and two guns. “What are those?” asked Yudus. “I’m glad you asked” started Yuna “These weapons are going to be yours to use to fight fiends when we leave. The guns, though, are min and mine alone.” She gave the staff to Yuna and the ball to Vidina. The staff had three yellow angelish like metal things. It was the top of the rod. The staff was pink. It had three gold ring things on it. On the bottom was a gold “bell” like thing. “What is this?” Yudus asked Yuna as she held it. “It’s called the Nirvana.” Yuna started as she was going to explain all the weapons. “It was my best weapon 22 years ago when I fought Sin. I sense that you can use white magic. So use it for that. You can use it to strike people too, though.” Yudus nodded. Then she said “Yeah, I’ve practiced. I can use white magic. Don’t worry, I’ll use it well.” Yudus closed her eyes, then smiled. Vidina’s ball was a yellow ball with a big red stripe-band thing in the middle of it. It went horizontally. It had green decorations in the middle of the red. Gray, medium-sized spikes were protruding from the red band thing. It had a purple aura surrounding it as well. Yuna started to explain before Vidina had a chance to ask a question. “It’s the same ball your father used as a guardian 22 years ago to help me defeat Sin for good. The only difference, is that Lulu infused it with Black Magic. It’s called the World Champion. I can sense you can use Fire, Water, Lightning, and Ice and other black magic.” “ Yeah, I can. I got it from Lulu. Don’t worry, I’ll use it well.” Vidina said. Tidus came back in and tossed Tidsna a red handled two-sided sword. One had a blue “watery” appearance, the other blade was light blue with gold markings on it. Tidus explained. “Those two swords are exact replicas of my two best swords. The blue “watery” one is called the Brotherhood. The light blue one with gold markings is called the Caladbolg. So I guess you can call it the Brother-bolg. But you can call it whatever you want.” “Well…” Tidsna started “I guess Brother-bolg is fine.” “Okay” Tidus started “Now… I’m going to show you what weapon I’ll be using. “Oh really?” Yuna asked “Then let’s see.” “Alright.” Tidus said. Tidus then bent his knees and his arms were to his sides. The original blue “watery” sword, know as the Brotherhood was in his left hand, and the original light blue sword with gold markings known as the Caladbolg was in his right hand. “Whoa!!!” Tidsna started “Your going to use both of your best weapons from 22 years ago!?” “Yep” Tidus started “I thought it would be better if I used both of them.” “Well, that makes sense.” said Yudus. “I guess that does make sense” Yuna started. “Plus, you will be better with two swords than you were with only one.” “Exactly.” said Tidus. “Okay, now that we have our weapons, let’s go!” said Tidsna. “Okay, I just have one question. Where are we going first?” Yudus asked. “That’s easy.” Vidina started “We should go to Kilika first.” “Yeah, that’s what I was going to suggest.” said Yuna “Alright then, we’ll have to take the boat that comes here and goes to Kilika then. So let’s go people!” said Tidus. Everyone agreed and they all left the Besaid Temple. The group was consisted of only five people. They were Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina. Also with them, were Tidsna’s and Yudus’s parents, Tidus and Yuna. Tidus and Yuna were only in their 30’s, but Auron was in his 30’s when he was with Yuna 22 years ago to help her fight Sin and he fought fine. So, if Auron could do it, so could Tidus and Yuna. They left Besaid and stopped to pray at the place where people pray for a safe voyage. Then, they left and walked under the Besaid ruins. In the next area they walked along a sanded path, some bridges and grass paths. Before they got to a dirt area with a secret cave to the left that had a sphere in it 20 years ago, they ran into some fiends!!!

Cue Music- Final Fantasy X battle theme

A brown dog-like fiend with yellow eyes, a blue flan with red markings on it’s front, and a blue medium-sized bird with a yellow beak and a grayish belly showed up in front of the group. Tidsna, Tidus, and Yuna fought them. “Okay, this is officially your first battle Tidsna. Nervous?” asked Tidus. “No way!” Tidsna said enthusiastically. “I’m fine.” “Good.” Started Yuna “Then let’s end this quickly.” “Right.” Said Tidsna. Yuna shot the bird killing it. Tidus slashed the flan doing double damage and killing it. “Your turn, Tidsna” started Tidus “Just slash at it with one of the swords on your Brother-bolg.” “Right.” Said Tidsna seriously. Tidsna then slashed at the brown dog-like fiend with the Brotherhood side of his Brother-bolg, killing it.

End Music

“Well that was easy.” said Tidsna, holding his weapon behind him and against his neck with the handle side. “It’ll get harder” Tidus started as he was starting to move again “Don’t get cocky.” “Umm…right.” Said Tidsna, embarrassed. “Let’s go before the ship leaves without us.” said Yuna. “Right!” said Yudus and Vidina together. Tidus and Yuna led the way to the beach and to the ship with Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina following close behind them. They made their way onto the ship and the ship departed. They were on their way to Kilika Island.


P.S.: Like the background music? I got the idea to use MIDI’s from VGMusic.com from another fanfiction. Credit goes out to you for the inspiration RaikouRider243!!!

To indegestive_wad: Sorry, but I don’t think there’s a better way to show the characters talking, so this is way I’ve done it. I’ve seen it done in a couple books for one, including a book I had to read because I always had time to read it after I got done with my test in school for OGT. So that’s how I’m doing it, besides I see no problem in it. I can read it. So if I can read it, I’m pretty sure you can too.

PSS: My school isn’t in Spring Break anymore, so it’s going to get harder to write and paste the fics. So just bear with me please.

PPS: BTW, I’m not going to write out every random battle the group gets into okay? That would clog up my fic with to many battles. So, instead, I’ll just tell you about if the group got into any random battles on their way to the next area with a cutscene in it and tell you how they did and whatnot okay?

 

[The Mega Champion]

Why isn't anyone reading this? This is a good fic in my opinion

Anyway, sorry for the DP, but I want to post chapter 4

Warning: Sorry, but there's nothing besides discussion in this chapter.


Chapter 4: Discussions on the boat to Kilika
--------------------------

The boat left and was now on it's way to Kilika Island. For about 10 minutes, Tidsna was just leaning against the building that held the cabin, the engine romm, and other rooms. He was just deep in thought about Shinra's experiment. He was thinking about to himself. "I can't wait to see what Shinra has done with the supposed life force that flows through the planet. I'd like to see exactly how he's manufacturing it and how he's turning it into energy. I also can't wait to see how he's applying it to the cities and towns. I can't wait to meet him! I have so many questions that I want to ask him about his experiment. I bet everyone else has questions for him too. Especially mom, so I suppose I'll let them take thier turns in asking Shinra about his experiment too. I wonder whre he's at anyway? Hmm... maybe mom or dad will know. Guess I'll have to ask them. Well, I'm bored. So might as well pass the time by having chats with Vidina, Yudus, mom, and dad." Tidsna walked to the front of the ship, where everyone else in the group was. Vidina was in the middle of the ship in the front, just practicing with his World Champion Blitzball. Yudus was to the left in front of the ship, just staring across the ocean. Tidus and Yuna were at the northern most part in the front of the ship, just staring across the ocean to the north. They weren't even talking, they were just staring across the ocean. Tidsna approroached Vidina. Vidina noticed Tidsna walking towards him, so he quickly grabbed his ball with his right hand and held it with his right arm. The ball was also against the right side of his waist.

Vidina started out the chat. "Hey Tidsna. What's up? Is something wrong?" "Nope" Tidsna started "Just wanted to chat. It'll make time go faster as we wait for the boat to get to Kilika." "True..." Vidina started "So what do you want?" "Well..." Tidsna started "Are you excited about meeting Shinra? I know I sure am." "Of course! I'd like to ask him all kinds of questions about his experiment. Don't you want to also?" Vidina asked. "You know it!" Tidsna started. He was starting to get excited "I kind of easily figured out that all of us would want to ask him questions, so why don't we go one at a time? Like I could go first, then you, then Yudus, then my mom, and finally my dad." "Sounds good to me! I'll go with that." said Vidina. "Okay, I'll ask Yudus if she thinks this is a good idea then." said Tidsna. "Okay. Go ahead." said Vidina. Vidina then continued his practice with his World Champion. Tidsna started to approach Yudus.

"Are you alright Yudus?" asked Tidsna. Yudus quickly turned around and looked at Tidsna. Yudus quickly turned around and looked at Tidsna. "Yeah, don't worry about me, I'm fine." said Yudus. "Good" Tidsna started "Because I want to ask you if you think this idea of mine is good or not." "Go ahead..." said Yudus. She was curious about what Tidsna's idea was. "Well..." Tidsna started "I'm pretty sure all of us want to ask Shinra a question about his experiment." Yudus closed her eyes and smiled. "Your right there!" said Yudus, Tidsna continued. "So I was thinking, I could ask him something first, then Vidina, then you, then mom, and finally dad can ask him something. What do you think?" asked Tidsna. "It sounds great!" Yudus said excitedly. "But ask mom and dad first." "Yeah, I was going to do that next." said Tidsna. "Go ahead then." said Yudus. She then resumed to staring across the ocean. Tidsna approached Tidus and Yuna.

"Um..." Tidsna started, he was trying to get their attention "Mind if we just talk awhile mom and dad? I'm trying to find something to do while I wait for us to get to Kilika." Tidus and Yuna turned around and looked at him. "Sure" Yuna started "It's definitely something to do." "True" started Tidus "So what do you want?" "Well, I'm pretty sure all of us want to ask Shinra a question about his experiment. So, I was thinking I could ask something first, then Vidina, then Yudus, then you mom, and finally you dad, could ask Shinra a question about his experiment. What do you think? Can we do it?" said Tidsna. "Hmm... that does sound like a good idea..." said Tidus. Yuna looked at Tidus and said "I think that's a good idea Tidus. We should do that." "Your right. All right Tidsna, when we meet Shinra, you'll ask him whatever you want first, then Vidina will ask him something, then Yudus will ask him something, then Yuna will ask him something, and then I'll ask him something." said Tidus. "Great!" Tidsna started, he was getting excited again "Thanks!" "Your welcome Tidsna." said Yuna. "Hey, do you guys know where Shinra is?" Tidsna asked. "Well, I beleive he is at the Al Bhend shop in the Mi'ihen Highroad. He had the area in the back where you used to be able to reast reserved so he can study the life force that flows through the planet. Because of that, you can't rest anymore but that doesn't really matter." said Yuna. "Whoa! Then that means it won't be to long before we meet him!" Tidsna said excitedly. "That's correct." said Tidus. "Awesome!!!" Tidsna started "Well, I think I'll take a nap. Can one of you wake me up when we arrive in Kilika?" "Sure" Yuna started "We'll wake you up if we arrive in Kilika while your still sleeping." "Thanks" Tidsna started "See ya later!" "See you. Have a good nap." said Tidus. "Thanks" said Tidsna. Tidsna then went down into the resting area and took a nap.

 

[Ryusuke Hikari]

Hey, that's a good idea! Music! ^^ I should do that for my Rurouni Kenshin fic!

Anyway, the first battle was a bit quick. Try to make it look more real. Like for dodging: backflips, sidesteps, etc. and how they use and where the attacks are coming from. Like:

Yuna twirled her staff around as it caught on fire. Then, she kneals down as a circle appears on the ground, she touches the ground.

Kinda like that. You can't expect everyone to know what the character is doing.

The description is okay and next time: put each dialouge in one single paragraph (one dialouge each). ^^; But, if you don't want to, okay.

 

[The Mega Champion]

Sorry about the delay. I was busy with school and I downloaded netbattle a couple of days ago as well, so I was busy with that too. But, finally, here's chapter 5 for you!!!


Warning: This chapter is a little boring, plus I think I didn't describe Kilika Island from Final Fantasy X-2 very well. If you want to see want it looks like, Google it.

Chapter 5: Arrival in Kilika
--------------------


The boat arrived in Kilika. Tidus went down to wake up Tidsna. Tidus shaked Tidsna and Tidsna began to stir.

"Wake up Tidsna" started Tidus "We're arriving in Kilika." "Oh!" Tidsna started. He quickly jumped up and ran on to the deck. The group walked off the boat and into Kilika.

Kilika looked the same as it did 20 years ago. Wooden platforms all around, big enough for people to walk on them. Two stories to Kilika. Normal wooden stairs so you could go from one story to the next. Two halves to Kilika as well. All you had to do was cross a wooden bridge to get to the other side. Nothing to do for the group in the first area, so they headed to the second half of Kilika. The second half was the same as the first half except without another side to it. The group made their way to the Kilika Woods gate and passed it. They made their way into Kilika Woods.

"Okay" Tidus started "We're now in Kilika Woods, as you all already know. We're going to Kilika Temple to see if anything was done there with Shinra's experiment. Are we clear?" "Yup" Tidsna started "We're clear. Now let's go!" "Right." said Tidus.

The group made their way through Kilika Woods. Only running inot some problems along the way. By problems, I mean random battles. The group had no problems with enemies, though. So it was a breeze as they easily made it to the temple. The temple only had one change. There were now two huge black buildings behind the temple. One was to the left of the temple, and the other was to the right of the temple. The group was very confused by this.

"What are those things!?" Tidsna asked. Yuna looked sad. She tried to answer Tidna's question. "I'm... not sure. They definitely weren't there 20 years ago." "Maybe we should ask someone what those things are?" Vidina asked. "That's a good idea Vidina." said Tidus. The group found a monk outside the temple and approached him. "Excuse me..." Yuna started "What are those black buildings?" she asked as she pointed to the buildings. "Those?" the monk started "Those are buildings that Shinra has built for energy! He said it would take the life force that flows through this planet, manufacture it, and make it into energy. It is much better than the old energy. It's helped us alot! It's made our lives much easier. We never have power outages anymore with those." "It sounds great!" Yudus said excitedly. "It is! I can't wait for all of Spira to have these buildings. Spira will have no more problems with power outages anymore!" "Looks like Shinra's outdone himself again huh?" asked Tidsna. "Yeah..." started Yuna "I'm really glad that this will help Spira with the power problems there our now." "That's true." Tidus started "Thanks for the help." "Your welcome." said the monk. The group walked back to the boat dock only running into a couple random battles. "So that's it huh?" asked Tidsna. "Sadly, yes." said Tidus. "But, now we're going to Luca. There should be all kinds of changes there." said Yuna. "Cool!" Tidsna started "I can't wait!"

The boat, S.S. Wiki, arrived. This was the boat on it's way to Luca. The group boarded and the ship headed off for Luca. Tidsna decided to take another nap, so he headed down into the resting area and took another nap.


Some spoilers: I might do a boss fight soon. It depends though.

 

[Ryusuke Hikari]

Well, I hope your characters don't end up saying, "So, you're the boss of this such & such."

Well, anyway, chapter 5 was okay. Good detail and it's kind of short. 'Nuff said.

 

[The Mega Champion]

In case any of you want to know, I had to get rid of netbattle a couple days ago. My stupid computer's parental controls keep messing it up and making it crash. So, I had no other choice but to purge it from my computer.

Anyway, here's Chapter 6.

Note: *gasps* It's actually not a warning this time! Anyway, battle today. Too bad it's really short.


Chapter 6: Fight against... the Sinspawn!?
----------------------


Tidsna woke up. He wasn't sure if they were near Luca or not, so he headed for the deck. Yudus came down into the cabin as soon as Tidsna got to the room with the stairs leading to the deck.

"Oh..." Yudus started "Your awake Tidsna." "Yeah" Tidsna started "Why? Are we at Luca already!?" "Not yet" Yudus started "Mom wanted me to come down and check on you." "I see..." Tidsna started "Well, as you can see, I'm fine." "Yeah." said Yudus. "How long until we reach Luca?" Tidsna asked. "Not sure, but I hope it's soon." said Yudus.

Tidsna followed Yudus to the deck. As soon as they got to the deck, they heard a scream.

"What's going on?" asked Tidsna. "I'm not sure" Yudus started "Let's find out!" "Right!" said Tidsna.

Tidsna and Yudus ran towards the scream, which actually came from where Tidus, Yuna, and Vidina were. They saw a knocked out girl. Then they saw something else. Something that shouldn't even exist anymore. Something not seen for 22 years. They saw 4 Sinscale Sinspawn in front of them. But, something was different. They had a greenish glow to them.

"No way..." said Tidsna. "Yes way" started Tidus "Apparently, it was caused by some green light in the sky." "What happened?" asked Yudus. Yuna answered her, but she answered sadly and angrily at the same time. "There was some kind of strange green light in the sky a minute ago. Then, some stray pyreflies showed up. The light fused with the pyreflies and formed the four Sinscale Sinspawn you see in front of us now." Tidus continued. He was angry too. "They attacked that innocent girl. Now, they're going for everyone else." "Grr..." Tidsna started, he started to get serious. He was also angry. "Well, we won't let them!!!" "That's right Tidsna." Tidus started "Show us what you've got Sinscales!!!"

((Now for the next connection to FF7. It's boss song!))

Cue Music- Final Fantasy X to 7 Minor Boss (FF7_Boss)

Tidsna, Tidus, and Vidina stepped forward. "This'll be fun." said Vidina. "Let's try to end this quickly, ok boys?" Tidus asked. "Gotcha." said Tidsna and Vidina at the same time.
Tidsna quickly slashed and killed the Sinscale on the far left. Tidus then double slashed the Sinscale that was now the new Sinscale on the far left. Vidina used his black magic and surrounded his World Champion with fire and threw it at the Sinscale on the right, killing it. The last Sinscale tried to attack Tidus, but he easily dodge. Then, Tidus counterattacked with another double-slash killing the last one.

End Music

"Now how the hell did extinct creatures come back to life?" asked Tidsna. "I'm not sure" Yuna started "But, I beleive we may find out sooner than we think."

Everyone stayed quiet. The boat started to approach Luca. Still not one word from anyone. They all knew what Yuna was trying to tell them. They then knew that they decided to go on an adventure at the right time. Why? Because, once again, the eternal Calm was crumbling again, and they had to find out why.


PS: That alright? I thought a gasping moment in my fic would be good. Group will arrive in Luca in the next chapter. See ya around!!!

 

[Draconic Mage]

similar to a Hawaain but still different

Replace it with 'slightly different'. Saying something is similar but different contradicts itself. You don't want that.

A bunch of sentences in the first chapter need either 'he had' tacked to the front or to be part of the sentence before.

but he easily dodge

You mean dodged.

Just pointing out a few mistakes. Proofreading or asking someone to beta it can help with that. Best to do both.

Your chapters are short. To make them longer, either throw in more description or stop posting what you write right after you're done with it(which is what I'm assuming is what you're doing). If it's really short, save it and finish it later. You should never rush to update.

 

[Ryusuke Hikari]

Tidsna, Tidus, and Vidina stepped forward. "This'll be fun." said Vidina. "Let's try to end this quickly, ok boys?" Tidus asked. "Gotcha." said Tidsna and Vidina at the same time.
Tidsna quickly slashed and killed the Sinscale on the far left. Tidus then double slashed the Sinscale that was now the new Sinscale on the far left. Vidina used his black magic and surrounded his World Champion with fire and threw it at the Sinscale on the right, killing it. The last Sinscale tried to attack Tidus, but he easily dodge. Then, Tidus counterattacked with another double-slash killing the last one.

Dude...this is not an actual RPG and you can't expect to have everyone to know what everything looks like or how they look like or how they move, etc. Besides, that battle was too quick.

And...write the fic on Microsoft Word and use a thesaurus. It's an author's best friend, trust me.

I give you a C, still.

 

[The Mega Champion]

To Kenshin: Yeah, okay I'll remember that.

To Draconic Mage: ...................


Note: Boring chapter today. I supposed you could call this a filler chapter. But I don't care. BTW, I'm going to try to do the battles in this fic a little better okay? Once again, I didn't do well in describing Luca. So, once again, if you don't know what it looks like, image Google it.


Chapter 7: Arrival in Luca
------------------

No one said a word as the boat arrived in Luca. They left the boat as quickly as possible. Luca was still the same. Four boat docks with wide enough paths to fit a huge crowd of people. This pathway lead to the Blitzball arena where you could sign up for tournaments and other things. The only problem is the Blitzball season won't start until four months have gone by. Out side the arena was a pathyway that hade two places where you could go. The center of Luca and the theater where you could listen to Music Spheres and watch Movie Spheres. In the center of Luca was a huge red and goldish monument with a silver sword-like decoration on top. Buildings were surrounding the area and were cramped together, but the pathway was still big enough to fit a huge crowd. Stairs that led to another pathway that led to the Mi'ihen Highroad. There was only one difference to Luca. Three more of Shinra's black buidings that make the new energy were around the Blitzball arena. The group made their way to the Blitzball arena and stopped.

"Hey Vidina." said Tidsna. "Yeah?" asked Vidina. "Didn't you want to play bliztball like your dad did?" asked Tidsna. "Yeah..." Vidina started "I wanted to play for the Besaid Aurochs like my dad did, but I can't sign up to play for them until the Blitzball season starts. Which isn't until four months from now." "True..." started Tidsna "But, I'll cheer you on when you play in your first match!" "Thanks Tidsna." said Vidina. "I know!" Yudus started "When Vidina has his first Blitzball match, we should all come and cheer him on!" "Hmm..." started Tidus "Yeah, I guess so." "Okay, sounds fun. It's fine with me." said Yuna. Tidsna, Vidina, and Yudus started to get excited. "Okay you three, it's time to move on to the Mi'ihen Highroad so we can meet Shinra." said Yuna. "Okay!" said Tidsna, Vidina, and Yudus at the same time. They made their way to the Luca exit and everyone but Tidus went up. Tidus was lost in thought. I have no other choice but to use my question to ask him if his energy really is good for Spira or not. Because I know what that green light was. It was stray energy from one of Shinra's energy manufacturing buildings. This energy may not be as good as it seems to be. Shinra's got alot to explain for. "You coming?" asked Yuna. "Yeah, I'm coming..." Tidus said. The group made their way into the Mi'ihen Highroad. But now there is a concern, but only Tidus seems to reconize it. Is the manufactured energy Shinra is producing really that safe as he says it is?


P.S.: Things start to get good next chapter. The adventure gets more serious than just seeing what Spira looks like now. You'll have to wait to see what happens.

 

[Ryusuke Hikari]

This chapter was...super short. >_< Add more events and take your time, so your chapters won't be short.

But, hey, your grammar is a lot better than mine. >_<

P.S.: Things start to get good next chapter. The adventure gets more serious than just seeing what Spira looks like now. You'll have to wait to see what happens.

I hope so. Mesa want to see Reno! XD

 

[The Mega Champion]

Sorry about the delay it took awhile to write this chapter.

Note: *gasps* This chapter may actually be long!!!!


Chapter 8: Getting information from Shinra
------------------

The group didn't have anything to do in the Mi'ihen Highroad besides talk with Shinra, so they just started following the road to the Al Bhed shop. The Mi'ihen Highroad was still the same, though. Grassy area with grass and dirt paths which could fit a wagon. They walked down the long path, making their way to the Al Bhed shop. They ran into quite a few random battles, but it was a small price to pay to see Shinra. It took them 5 minutes before they reached the Al Bhed shop. The Al Bhed shop was just a medium-sized purple building with a sign with green lettering over the door. There was a lot of Al Bhed's running around. It was obvious to the group that they worked for Shinra. They went into the shop and walked up to the Al Bhed lady at the desk.

“May I help you?” asked the Al Bhed lady. “Yes, you can” started Tidus “We would like to speak to Shinra. Is that alright?” “Well… I’m not sure. He’s almost always busy experimenting with the new energy. Who are you anyway?” asked the Al Bhed lady. “Well, my name is Tidus. This is my wife Yuna. These are my children, Tidsna and Yudus, and this is their friend, Vidina.” The Al Bhed lady gasped, she knew who the were. “I know you? Shinra knows you guys, he told me all about you!” The group was embarrassed now. “He’ll definitely talk with you guys! One moment please…” Said the Al Bhed lady.

The lady quickly went back to the area where you used to be able to rest. But now, it’s full of very advanced technology so Shinra can experiment with the new found energy. The lady told Shinra who was waiting for him. He quickly got up. He had a tannic hat on with a tannic coat and tannic baggy pants. Black shoes. He looked intelligent and had white skin. He ran out to talk with Tidus and the others. Shinra also had a deep voice now.

“It’s been awhile Yuna!” said Shinra. “20 years.” said Yuna. “Mind if we ask you some questions about your new experiment?” asked Tidus. “Of course! But… why don’t we go outside?” asked Shinra “Sure, why not” said Yuna. The group went outside and Shinra stood on where you could see a beautiful sunset. “Go ahead. Who’s first?” asked Shinra.

Tidsna stepped forward and rubbed the back of his head with his right hand. “I suppose I am.” said Tidsna. “Well?” asked Shinra. Tidsna was excited, he thought to himself for a second, then asked his question. “Okay Shinra, what do you call your new energy?” Shinra smiled “Good question. I don’t even know how this came to me, but I just woke up one day and thought of this one day. I’ll call my new energy Mako energy.” said Shinra. “Catchy name. Thanks Shinra.” Said Tidsna. “Who’s next?” asked Shinra.

“Me!” said Yudus. “Alright, go ahead.” said Shinra. “Okay Shinra, will this revolutionize Spira and help it a lot?” asked Yudus. “Oh of course” Shinra started “As you know, there have been a lot of power problems throughout Spira. There have been many complaints about the problems. But, with my new energy, as you said, will revolutionize Spira and make it power problem free.” “Cool!” said Yudus. “Next?” asked Shinra.

“I suppose I am.” said Vidina. “Alright, go ahead Vidina.” said Shinra. “Okay Shinra, what are your plans to advance the cities in Spira?” asked Vidina. Shinra smiled, then said “I’m glad one of you asked that. Well, as Yuna imagined 20 years ago, I’d like to make a city similar to Zanarkand 1,022 years ago. Bright lights and a huge Blitzball stadium! It would be like Tidus’s Zanarkand, it would never sleep!” “Sounds pretty awesome! I hope I’ll get to see it!” said Vidina excitedly. “I hope you do to” started Shinra “So who’s next?”

“I’d like to ask something next Shinra.” said Yuna. “Sure Yuna, I’d be glad to answer your question.” said Shinra. “Okay Shinra, I know this sounds strange, but have you found any glitches in your experiment? You know… like any problems?” asked Yuna. Shinra got serious, then he said “Well Yuna, I promise you that there are no problems that I’ve found or know of. I don’t think you should worry, because I’ve checked my experiment for glitches and problems at least many more than 50 time. Don’t worry Yuna, there are no problems with it.” “Hmm…” started Yuna “Alright, if you’re sure…” “Yes, I am. So I guess there’s only one more person with a question huh?” asked Shinra.

“Uh huh” started Tidus “That would be me.” Tidus was serious, Shinra saw this and got serious as well. “So what’s your question Tidus?” asked Shinra. “It’s a pretty good question Shinra, you should answer it a hundred percent truthfully.” said Tidus. “Fine, what is it?” asked Shinra. “Okay Shinra answer this. Is your new found energy that you are making really that safe?” Tidus asked angrily. Shinra seemed shocked. He said “What!? Of course it is, I already told Yuna that!” “You sure about that?” Tidus started “Because on our way to Luca we ran into some Sinscale Sinspawn.” Shinra went wide-eyed and said “No way… How!?” “That’s what I was wondering” Tidus started “Before they showed, there was a strange green light in the sky that is the same as the light from your buildings that manufacture your new “Mako” energy. What do you have to say to that?” Shinra put his head down and was depressed and angry at the same time. He then said “I’ll… look into it okay?” “You’d better.” said Tidus “I will” said Shinra.

The group was shocked at how angry Tidus was. But they got their questions answered, so they left. They went across bridges and another path and made their way into Mushroom Rock Road. Same layout, just a mountain area with dirt paths. They made it to a huge sand area with a good-sized orange building. It was the Youth League headquarters. They had nothing to do there, so they made their way to another mountain and dirt path on their way to Djose.

Meanwhile…

Shinra said nothing to his secretary as he went to the back of the Al Bhed shop. He pressed a button and a secret room opened up. Shinra went in. The room was full of wires and machines. In the back was something Shinra created that he kept a secret from everyone. It was a monster, or fiend, fused with machina. Shinra made it to regulate and control the Mako. Shinra got angry real quick. “How could you let energy escape the Luca buildings Jenova!? I made you!!! You have to obey me and make sure that no Mako goes astray!!! You know what will happen, it will take pyreflies memories and make powerful fiends!!!” Jenova just gave Shinra an evil smile and said to him telepathically “Aww… that’s so sad…” “Grr…” started Shinra “I’ll show you whose boss!!!” Shinra took a grenade from his pocket and threw it at Jenova. It exploded and Jenova’s body parts went everywhere. But it just regenerated and escaped, telling Shinra telepathically “Why thank you Shinra! Now… I will destroy Spira!!!” “Oh no…” started Shinra “What have I done? Now Tidus and the others are sure to discover my experimental monster fused with machina, Jenova.”

Back with the group…

The group headed inside the Djose Temple. Electricity was almost everywhere. More of Shinra’s men experimenting with the new energy. But, two others were in their, two old friends of Yuna. One girl had long orange hair that went to the end of her back. She had an orange tanktop on with tannic gloves. She had a blue tennis skirt on with orange sandals. She had a medium girlish voice, it was still a little deep though. The other girl had black hair that only went to her shoulders. She had a black short sleeved shirt on with a picture of a gray skull on the back. She also had a skull necklace. She had big black gloves that went to her elbows. Black tight pants with black boots on as well. The orange haired woman had two thief orange daggers, and the black haired woman had a medium-sized sword, but it was bigger than Tidus’s sword. It was black with a gray skull near the metal handle. They approached the group.

Yuna gasped. “Rikku! Paine! It’s so good to see you again!” “Same here Yunie!” said Rikku. “How did you guys get here?” asked Yuna. “We heard from Wakka that you went out on an adventure with your son and daughter and Wakka’s son. We knew that they wanted to see how Spira has changed, so we came here from Bikanel Desert and knew you’d come, so we just waited” said Paine. Paine’s voice was the same, but just a little deeper. “So this must be Tidsna, Yudus and Vidina huh?” asked Rikku. “Yep! That’s us!” said Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina at the same time. “Wow!” started Rikku “Tidsna and Yudus look like you and Tidus 20 years ago Yunie!” “Yes, I suppose they do” said Yuna, then she smiled. “And Vidina look like both Wakka and Lulu” said Paine. “Aww…shucks. Thanks!” said Tidsna, Yudus, and Vidina at the same time. “So, did you two want to come with us?” asked Yuna “Of course!” said Rikku and Paine at the same time. “Cool! The more the merrier!” said Tidsna. “Right!” said Tidus.

The new group of Tidsna, Yudus, Vidina, Tidus, Yuna, Rikku, and Paine left Djose and followed another sand path with grass on the side of the path. Soon, they got to a forest with a good-sized dirt path. They made their way into the Moonflow and the group took a well-deserved rest from all the walking to just get to the Moonflow. Little did they know that they would only get a short rest, because soon they’re going to be forced into a fight!

PS: Yay!!! Long chapter right? *gasps* Jenova is in my fic!!! Shocker huh? Meh. Next chapter will be nothing but fights. Hope you like this long chapter!