Flames on the Wind: A Leader Emerges

[Psychic Umbreon]

Prologue: A catastrophic storm is nearing its end and flames are burning out of control on New Island. Mewtwo, the world's first Pokemon clone, knows time is running out for himself and his cloned Venasaur, Charizard and Blastoise. The legendary Pokemon is forced to make a heartbreaking choice - he decides to release his Charizard forever and allow it to live a more challenging life than it is currently living.

Charizard, I am releasing you from my services. You are free to live the life you want. You must go now. We will never see one another again. Good bye, my friend, and good luck. Mewtwo said to the Charizard clone. Charizard roars and shakes his head. Go! If you stay, you will be killed by the fire. Do you truly want to die? As tears form in Charizard's eyes, the fire/flying Pokemon realizes that its master and its two companions were sentencing themselves to death.

Choking back a sob-filled growl, the cloned Pokemon flapped its wings, got airborne, and flew away, knowing he would never see his "family" again. Turning around only once, he saw that the whole of New Island was ablaze. Horrified and shocked, the Pokemon instantly wanted to go back and help, but then remembered the angry determination in Mewtwo's voice that forced him to leave. He continued his journey away from New Island in search of some Pokemon to befriend.

Next time in Flames on the Wind: Find out who the cloned Charizard meets (as in the Pokemon species and their names), who gives them the ability to speak English and why Arcanine always wants to fight.

I know its short, people, but it is my first time writing a Pokemon story online and I would appreciate some C & C.

 

[Eternal Daydreamer]

As you said it is short. I suppose this is since you are making it off the top of your head and aren't plagarizing? Yes, I know of your other story. I have read a bit of it but I deem it plagarizism as you didn't say that you were re-writing Warriors.

But this review isn't about that story. Anywho, originality is here somewhat here but it seemed sort of forced. I couldn't picture it clearly although it may be because I stepped on a nail last night and my foot is killing me. Back to the review, description was minamal and I couldn't see it in my mind's eye as I said before.

For a first Pokemon fic, it's not bad. I have seen far far worse.

 

[Psychic Umbreon]

This is an original idea that I thought of as I was washing up the tea-time dishes on Monday night. What do you mean by "forced"? Chapter 1 is a bit better, but I'm not going to post that just yet.

 

[Zerodius]

Mewtwo being killed in a fire = you phail.

Storyline seems forced = you phail even more.

Cloned Charizard sounds like he'll become a big Mary-Sue = phail-o-rama AKA this story is hopeless.

Very short, no details = why do I bother?

My advice: go back to the drawing board.

 

[blaziken13fire]

Charizard would not get killed by somthing he breaths. ( Fire. ) so he did not realy have to leave the island. The only one in the group of that 3 that would realy get hurt would be venusaur. You need to add more discription and length.

 

[Psychic Umbreon]

I'll ignore that Blaziken13fire. Anyway, I'm going to post the first chapter tomorrow. More people need to read my Pokemon story... come on people!

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Well, this certainly looks to be an original start! A definite change from the standard 'newbies set out to become masters'. It's not everyday you see a story that features 'adult' characters, pokemon or otherwise. ^^ Refreshing.

What I don't understand is why Charizard was shooed away whilst the island burnt. Fire type are supposed to have a natural immunity to fire - at least to some degree. If you go by the anime canon, the Charizards can withstand falling into volcanoes - why, then, excluding the possibility that the island was laden with chemicals that would make the whole place burn hotter than a volcano (is that possible?) would Charizard have to evactuate? Then again, I suppose even fire types need to breathe and since fire burns oxygen, Charizard might have suffocated. And on top of that, there's the danger of being inside burning buildings/structures - which have a deadly tendency to collapse. Perhaps this is why Charizard had to flee?

And why, if their lives were so threatened, would Mewtwo not simply levitate/teleport the lot of them out of there? Didn't he heave the whole lot of cloned pokemon away into the distance in the movie? Why couldn't he put on a repeat performance the event of the island burning? Also, if Charizard could fly away, why couldn't Blastoise swim? IMO, Charizard wasn't the only one with escape routes aplenty. But then again, since nowhere in this chapter did it actually say that Mewtwo and the others died, I'm not sure why everyone's assuming that they did. Pretty much all of the reviewers picked up that the others could escape ... what's to say they didn't?

Meh, overall, there's not a whole heap to comment on yet - it's an interesting start but I suspect the next chapter will reveal a lot more about what's yet to come in this story. ^^ You've got a potentially awesome beginning - put it to good use. Have fun and good luck!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Psychic Umbreon]

Pinecone Tortoise, you're right about the oxygen part. At the moment, I'm at the Chermside Library, and the computers here have a timing thingie, and the stupid forum keeps logging me out, so I am unable to post Chapter 1... but don't worry, my mother has a computer at home, so I may be able to use it.

 

[Psychic Umbreon]

Sorry about the double post. Here's Chapter 1... one paragraph at a time, because of the stupid library computers.

Chapter 1: The Meeting, Lugia and Fight Time!

After five hours of flying non-stop, the Charizard clone's wings were tiring, so the Pokemon started looking for a place to land. Upon finding a flat grassy field, Charizard noticed five other Pokemon were there as well. They were an Arcanine, Rapidash, Ninetales, Swellow and Absol. Deep in the water's depths, a mysterious Pokemon sensed that the time was now right, and swum forcefully upwards. As the unknown Pokemon came closer to the surface, a wall of water turned into a spiralling funnel and the six Pokemon turned their heads in surprise.

The mysterious Pokemon swum up the funnel and used its psychic powers to disperse the water. Hovering there in the air, the Pokemon stated its name and explained why fate had gathered the six Pokemon. I am Lugia. The reason why the six of you are here will be explained in a moment. First, I will give you names. Charizard, you will be known as Red. Arcanine, your name is Speed. The name Windy is yours, Rapidash. Ninetales, you are known known as Queen. Swellow, your new name is Cloud. Finally, Absol - Lily is the name bestowed upon you. Now, I'll use my psychic powers to give all of you the ability to speak English.

After saying that, Lugia's eyes glowed blue and one at a time, the Pokemon glowed blue in response. The glow faded on each Pokemon and Lugia spoke for the final time. The reason why the six of you are here is because Red's master, who is quite sadly dead, encouraged Red to leave his home and the rest of you sensed that Red would be approaching this area quite soon. This has now happened, so I must leave and go back to my watery home. I wish all of you a good journey. Good luck.

Lugia flew into the air, folded his wings and shot downwards into the sea with a huge splash. As soon as Lugia had disappeared, Speed turned on Red with bared teeth and angry snarls. Red, surprised, turned and asked, "What's the matter, Speed?" "I've met plenty of Charizard in my life, but none have been as unusual as you. I wanted to fight you since you arrived here. So, be ready!" Speed jumped into the air and aimed himself at Red. Red was still surprised and was unable to stop the attack. Finding himself on his back, Red struggled to get up, but Speed pressed his weight down on Charizard's body.

Speed bared his teeth again and snapped viciously at Red's right arm. The cloned Charizard grimaced in pain as blood spurted from the wound. Red eventually managed to get to his feet; blood flowed down his side as he faced Arcanine. Speed took three steps back and observed Red carefully. The cloned Arcanine opened his mouth and started charging a Hyper Beam attack. "Enough! This will stop now!" Lily said loud enough for Speed to hear her.

Speed dispersed the attack, but fury blazed in his eyes and he told Red of his intentions. "Red, this will continue at another time and place." As a final gesture that would forever seal their rivalry, Red breathed fire on his left clawed hand and slashed Speed across the chest. "I said enough!" Lily growled angrily. Warily, Red and Speed looked at each other and backed off. Windy walked up to Red, shook her mane and embers flew from it towards Red's arm, instantly healing the wound.

Next time in Flames on the Wind: Find out why Speed desperately wants to become leader.

 

[Latias_tamer_3]

Holas Mossheart! ^^

okay, review time!

1. Post Length: Pretty short, add more stuff into each post.
2. Grammar: I don't check this.. -_-'
3. Spelling: No obvious mistakes!
4. Originality: Good,...pretty good.
5. Intrest from me: You have LUGIA, 'nuff said.

Well, that's it from me right now. No, really. 0-0