Spiteful Murkrow
Early Game Encounter
Heya everyone, it’s been a bit of a wait, so let’s get right into things with a few review responses:
@Kindoflame
Hold onto those thoughts, really. Since you are correct that it’s not just a bunch of bedtime stories that the locals picked up from humans.
Yeah, as you’ve seen in the chapter after this, this sort of moment of characterization with Darzin was basically just waiting for the right moment.
We’ll keep that suggestion involving Nida in mind in the future, even if we roll in something on that front, it’ll probably be a bit more muted.
It is indeed. ‘I Want to be Your Bird’ is the semantic translation of ‘I Want to be Your Canary’s name in the original Japanese, ‘Kimi no Kotori ni Naritai’. Here, it’s more likely to be a novelization of something that we would recognize as FF9, just with some details translated to fit a Pokemon setting a bit better. It’s just a fun little reference though, so I wouldn’t look too much into it.
No, that’s very deliberate. You should be asking yourself in light of that how it was that such a perfect set of plastic got into the Cradle and think back about how it was picked up in the first place since there’s some implications that stem from it.
Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that for Darzin’s motivations, but we’re glad to hear that the characterization came through for you. Since yeah, he’s a bit stubborn and haughty and has a way of not thinking things through all the way, as I’m sure you saw in that final scene there.
Alas, the PoV cameos won’t be getting too integrated into the plot this time around, unlike some of the ones in past episodes. They’re meant to be little bonuses for those who spot them and recognize who they are. You are the first reader to explicitly spot and point them out. So kudos for that.
We’ll keep the feedback in mind, since the amount of cameos were admittedly already dialed back compared to the early drafts of this Episode. Clearly it’s something we need to be a bit more careful for future easter eggs of this sort.
@Ambyssin
We’ve always been open that depending on how the endgame is divided up, there are 3 (or 4 if we split up the final one) Episodes remaining including this new one that is starting up today. Make what you will of that.
Though glad to hear that we could still catch you off-guard a bit for where this Episode wound up going.
I think that a part of that is a difference in headcanons on power levels. Also, large wooden ships are decently tanky even in reality, especially when you have a natural way to plug holes in their hulls to an extent.
Hold onto that thought, really. Though all I will say is that the threat matrix for all parties involved in this story ramps up in short order for every Episode going into the endgame.
The equivalent of a large chamber in a Mystery Dungeon. In this case, hanging out in relative proximity to Zorn is enough to keep him safe from getting zapped.
Elty: “Darn, we should’ve tried that, really.”
I mean, even all these years later, it is woven pretty deeply into this story’s DNA, so… :V
I mean, it’s only part and parcel with Pokemon and a huge number of the sources of inspiration this story takes after. Wouldn’t be Fledglings without it. ^^
Pladur: “Not durable enough.”
@Venia Silente
Yeah, the crew probably could stand to get a nice, long shore leave after all this is over. ^^;
Nida: “This is a lot less impressive than I was expecting, really.”
Uh, yeah, about tha-
… He gets better eventually? (Also the little skit that you wrote was gold there.) ^^
Elty: “
Paws crossed.”
Now that’d be a sight to behold, but nah, this guy is-
Yeah, that. Not enough jugs of rum and various spirits going around to be a Hess.
I mean, helps that Valter fills a different role narratively than Explorers!Dusknoir, even if he gets in a couple nods here and there. Though who knows? We might just have an opening to give him a moment with a Grovyle of his own down the pipe.
Yup, that is indeed where the X-shaped pupils on the Immortals come from. As for why Valter doesn’t have one of his own… hold onto that thought.
It’s more of a mythology nod than anything else. While nothing is final until it is written out, it’s unlikely a Gates-style Voice of Life exists in this continuity outside the realm of folklore and mythology.
I’m assuming that the Naruto-style thralls are brainwashed people, but the answer is closer to the second of those options, even if Trizano and most of the Pokémon you’ve seen thus far fit neither description.
Kline: “Oh, like you’ve never had a moment where you could’ve done something better when you were younger!” >///<
Ander: “You tore a gouge through the middle of a village!”
Kline: “Yes, and? I didn’t say I was weak when I was younger.”
Valter:
… In a manner of speaking, but that’s a story for another day.
I mean, it’d be a pretty short story if he did, so…
Yeah, thar be shenanigans for the Company’s internal office politics. Glad to hear that they were fun for you to watch.
One of the benefits of having a story that vibes after a Saturday Morning Cartoon. Lets you get away with moments like these. :V
Hold onto that thought really. Though glad to hear you had fun with the chapter. ^^
Alright, so since the last update, we’ve got a decently large batch of fresh art to share, including a landscape with Nida and Crom towards the end of Episode 15’s events won as a prize art from an offsite review challenge, a portrait of Alice from Team Zephyr, and a portrait of Ketu from Team Sentinel.
Today’s chapter marks the beginning of a new episode, as attentive readers likely will notice from the table of contents. Originally, it was one part of a larger chapter that was… uh… a bit longer than we figured would be readable in one setting. As such, the next update will probably get out the door a bit faster than the past few have been, but as always, our commitment is to ship chapters when they’re done to ensure the final product is at its best for quality.
Special thanks for this chapter goes to my co-writer @Virgil134 , who is uploading today’s chapter, and to @Tangent128, who helped us put together a new set of Episode icons for this chapters and the rest of the ones that will pop up in this episode. It’d also be remiss to not give my thanks to you readers and reviewers out there for sticking with this story in what will soon be the eighth year of its run.
So let’s reward you for your patience a bit, and jump straight into an all-new chapter picking up the pieces from Team Traveller’s chaotic exit from Vollezee Island:
@Kindoflame
Instead, I’ll just say that the hint you gave here on how it will develop in the future is interesting. To be clear, I mean Team Taxonomy presentation on how various myths have their origins with the humans. To me, Team Taxonomy’s main purpose in the story is to act like a sign post or smoking gun to the reader. When they openly talk about the divergence of myths, the reader is tipped off to have the divergence of other cultural elements in mind. Since they are now attributing the origins of myths to humans, the implications is that some aspect(s) of Cradle society also have their origins with humans. There is one huge divide that I reasoned was due to humans way back when I read some of the earliest chapters, so it would be interesting to see if it turns out to be true. The last time I made a big prediction I was completely off mark though, so I’ll keep my theories to myself for now.
Hold onto those thoughts, really. Since you are correct that it’s not just a bunch of bedtime stories that the locals picked up from humans.
The weakest part of this chapter was the reintroduction of Darzin. The problem with this part is that his character is basically non-existent. You could have anyone else be spying on Team Traveler and almost nothing would be different. The only part that would have to change is Darzin remembering the Tromba myth of Lugia “losing his heart” and changing colors, but this one bit of characterization you gave him in this scene works against you. If a character is knowledgeable about the local traditions of Tromba that even some of the local residents are not familiar with, the implication is that the character deeply respects and cares for those locals. A great example of this is an Ampharos the gang meet underwater very early in their journey (I forget his name) who was able to identify Pleo as a protector by sight. However, Darzin has previously been characterized as uncaring toward the locals of Tromba to such an extent that a full scale rebellion was waged against the Company. Reintroducing Darzin in this way pushes the plot forward, but fails does not develop his character in a meaningful way.
Yeah, as you’ve seen in the chapter after this, this sort of moment of characterization with Darzin was basically just waiting for the right moment.
I think, and this is just a suggestion that you are free to ignore, that a better option is to have Darzin misidentify Nida as her mother, the Cazadragones herself. You have already established that Nida has an uncanny resemblance to her, so the mistake would be reasonable enough to make. More importantly, it would allow you to show a side of Darzin that you haven’t gotten to yet. Pretty much however he react to seeing ‘Marley’ will inform the readers of Darzin’s view on the rebellion. Personally, I think the best response to see would be stone-cold fear. I mean Darzin gets a passing glace at Nida, misidentifies her, and then books it out of there in pure terror, never even realizing he made a mistake. Then whatever plan he cooks up will be to catch Marley and not Nida with Pleo for back-up. I just want to reiterate that my intention is more so you can keep things like this (making sure that plot developments always happen with characterization) in mind for the future chapters, rather than demanding that you edit past chapters to make them better.
We’ll keep that suggestion involving Nida in mind in the future, even if we roll in something on that front, it’ll probably be a bit more muted.
P.S. Is ‘I Want to be Your Bird’ a reference to ‘I Want to be Your Canary’, a play from Final Fantasy IX? If so, then the fact Sophie was looking for it implies some pretty interesting stuff is going to happen.
It is indeed. ‘I Want to be Your Bird’ is the semantic translation of ‘I Want to be Your Canary’s name in the original Japanese, ‘Kimi no Kotori ni Naritai’. Here, it’s more likely to be a novelization of something that we would recognize as FF9, just with some details translated to fit a Pokemon setting a bit better. It’s just a fun little reference though, so I wouldn’t look too much into it.
P.P.S. Do you know what nerd-snipping is? Well the line, "No scratches… no cracks… no discolorations… why it's like it suddenly fell from the sky brand-new!" lead me down a rabbit hole of complicated material science that I will spare you. I can confidently say that unlike glass, which can remain stable for millenia, plastic will degrade after only a few decades. This is because the melting point of glass is in the thousands of degrees while the melting point of plastic is in the hundreds (true for F, C, or K). This has absolutely no baring on the story in any way, shape, or form. I just wanted someone to know I spent hours reading technical articles in trying to figure out if a plastic artifact could really be that well preserved, and the answer is no.
No, that’s very deliberate. You should be asking yourself in light of that how it was that such a perfect set of plastic got into the Cradle and think back about how it was picked up in the first place since there’s some implications that stem from it.
My favorite part of this chapter is easily the ending fight scene for one line alone:
That one line reinforces Darzin's characterization so perfectly, reflecting everything that motivates him and his character flaw that keep holding him back. Darzin is so desperate to win back is former position of glory, that he latches onto any and every faint hope that passes by. He consistently makes plans because he sees how they could lead to his return to power, but never even considers how these actions could backfire. Being a turncoat for the Empire could lead to Darzin being instilled in a high ranking position, so he never considered how Nagant clearly does not desire his partnership and would betray him as soon as a better deal comes along. Sending Bunsen to capture Tromba could lead to a massively confusing mess where Darzin could show up and capture Pleo himself, so he never considered how much more resourceful Team Traveler would be if the successfully kicked out Bunsen and managed to regroup on a friendly island with plentiful supplies. Closing the distance on an opponent and going for a close range attack could lead to him defeating this Noivern, so he never considered that this ambush could involve more than one opponent. This is the type of subtle characterization that I criticized you for messing up in Chapter 87.
Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that for Darzin’s motivations, but we’re glad to hear that the characterization came through for you. Since yeah, he’s a bit stubborn and haughty and has a way of not thinking things through all the way, as I’m sure you saw in that final scene there.
As for what I disliked... nothing was really big enough for me to comment on. That isn't to say that this chapter is the perfect in every way, the absolute pinicle of creative endevors. Just that the things I disliked could end up being redeemed in latter chapters, or something I dislike but I know other readers enjoy. For example, twice in the last two chapters you referenced Final Fantasy IX and Ambyssin's Path of Valor, which I found annoying since they are references that don't add anything to the story. If a later chapter does something interesting with those works [e.g. during Team Travel's escape from the island they accidentally interrupt the a performance of I Want to Be Your Bird by the cast of Path of Valor and they have to act their way off stage], then these earlier references would have gone from being annoying distractions to absolutely hilarious foreshadowing. Alternatively, it is completely valid for you to ignore my opinion. There are many other readers who like references like those, so either they are I would be upset by their inclusion/exclusion. No work of art can please everybody, so me complaining about everything that even slightly annoys me isn't going to help you write a better story.
Alas, the PoV cameos won’t be getting too integrated into the plot this time around, unlike some of the ones in past episodes. They’re meant to be little bonuses for those who spot them and recognize who they are. You are the first reader to explicitly spot and point them out. So kudos for that.
We’ll keep the feedback in mind, since the amount of cameos were admittedly already dialed back compared to the early drafts of this Episode. Clearly it’s something we need to be a bit more careful for future easter eggs of this sort.
@Ambyssin
That went... better than I was expecting it to for the heroes. Which makes me think I underestimated how many chapters the fic has left. [nervous laugh]
We’ve always been open that depending on how the endgame is divided up, there are 3 (or 4 if we split up the final one) Episodes remaining including this new one that is starting up today. Make what you will of that.
Though glad to hear that we could still catch you off-guard a bit for where this Episode wound up going.
I guess ships in this setting are remarkably fortified because I would have expected a Hyper Beam to sink it but somehow it's still floating after that attack and manages to get away. And with Kiran as the only captive (as far as characters we actually have been following, anyway).
I think that a part of that is a difference in headcanons on power levels. Also, large wooden ships are decently tanky even in reality, especially when you have a natural way to plug holes in their hulls to an extent.
That's my take, at least, because it feels like this late into the fic we really need to see a major status quo shift with the Company to sell a rising threat level. Since this was there home base that was just escaped from. Isn't really much else that's going to outrank that in terms of threat level. XD
Hold onto that thought, really. Though all I will say is that the threat matrix for all parties involved in this story ramps up in short order for every Episode going into the endgame.
Jesus, just what's the range on Lightning Rod supposed to be?
The equivalent of a large chamber in a Mystery Dungeon. In this case, hanging out in relative proximity to Zorn is enough to keep him safe from getting zapped.
Have you tried calling her a butt face? Petty insults have worked quite well in this fic. :V
Elty: “Darn, we should’ve tried that, really.”
THE AVATA—
I mean, even all these years later, it is woven pretty deeply into this story’s DNA, so… :V
Ah, yes, the Power of Friendship™
I mean, it’s only part and parcel with Pokemon and a huge number of the sources of inspiration this story takes after. Wouldn’t be Fledglings without it. ^^
100% Lance approved battle!no but seriously just how durable are these ships?!
Pladur: “Not durable enough.”
@Venia Silente
Honestly, I can understand them at this point. I mean, *I* want paid vacation time!
Kiran's team get to the decision that the best thing to do is to just go back out there with their GPSes on to hand the responsibility of retrieving them to Kelly.
Yeah, the crew probably could stand to get a nice, long shore leave after all this is over. ^^;
I mean, it's not a bad idea, until things go more wrong.
The important thing is that everyone gets along and rescues Crom before Pladur realizes there's ANYTHING wrong.
At least they seem to be alive. Frankly it's been years since I last watched Yu-Gi-Oh (let alone the very first seasons) so I don't recall what the exact mechanics of the Shadow Realm were like, so I'm gonna assume it's just something that is like, both‑alive‑and‑dead at the same time like the Book of Omens in the Thundercats 2011 remake and that way everyone can be happy.
Nida: “This is a lot less impressive than I was expecting, really.”
Anyway, someone wakes Ander up and when he comes back to his senses he finds out none other than his best friend and most likable person ever: Pleo!
Uh, yeah, about tha-
Four heart attacks later, Ander relaxs a little and discovers the Shadow Realm looks more or less like a prison cell. I wouldn't be able to tell at a first glance but it does have general Mayincatec Temple vibes.
… He gets better eventually? (Also the little skit that you wrote was gold there.) ^^
Now now now, Elty is a very good doggo with a very good coverup! I'm p sure Hess, the Captain, is pretty okay with this!
Elty: “
Paws crossed.”
Yet this Aggron is *not* Hess. I mean... not every Aggron in the Cradle has to be Hess, right? hmmm.... now what would that be like...
Now that’d be a sight to behold, but nah, this guy is-
The new Aggron introduces themself asMalikRoteck, here to introduce the prisoners to the Shadow Realm!
...starting with Pleo's team.
Yeah, that. Not enough jugs of rum and various spirits going around to be a Hess.
(No, really, I'm almost expecting a Grovyle hero to show up all of a sudden. Plus, it'd be a nice Explorers ref!)
Darth Valter seems to realize this rebel alliance is special, and decided to shortcircuit the whole plot by bringing them to the "patron", presumably Palpatine, directly!
I mean, helps that Valter fills a different role narratively than Explorers!Dusknoir, even if he gets in a couple nods here and there. Though who knows? We might just have an opening to give him a moment with a Grovyle of his own down the pipe.
omg Are we about to take the whole crapquels idea of giving Palpatine clon—ooooh wait wait wait!
It's a Xerneas!
(...I guess that explains the crosshair pupils?)
Yup, that is indeed where the X-shaped pupils on the Immortals come from. As for why Valter doesn’t have one of his own… hold onto that thought.
The Voice of Life (1) is busy enough to care about such fickle issues as trademark law, so the Voice of Life (a) is safe. Tho, we should be asking perhaps, is it even the *real* Voice of Life (a)?
It’s more of a mythology nod than anything else. While nothing is final until it is written out, it’s unlikely a Gates-style Voice of Life exists in this continuity outside the realm of folklore and mythology.
Apparently Cernun is not very keen on letting anyone ever leave the island. I'd say Ander is right on the mark about the creepiness thing. I wonder if this marks the crosshairs-eyes mons as either Naruto-style thralls, or Pokémon that have been captured and forced to stay.
I’m assuming that the Naruto-style thralls are brainwashed people, but the answer is closer to the second of those options, even if Trizano and most of the Pokémon you’ve seen thus far fit neither description.
Speaking of Kline…
Kline: “Oh, like you’ve never had a moment where you could’ve done something better when you were younger!” >///<
Ander: “You tore a gouge through the middle of a village!”
Kline: “Yes, and? I didn’t say I was weak when I was younger.”
So with that, Cernum leaves it extra clear that they're not letting the protags leave, let alone with the Ledger.
Valter:
Eh, what are you going to do if they lazy about? Kick them out? (hehehe...)
… In a manner of speaking, but that’s a story for another day.
Anyway, there was a scene I skipped so far of locality, which is the one of the GLORIOUS DAY when Lyn hands over the Protector of Tromba, and thus can restore his family0s name. And of course, everything goes peachy!
I mean, it’d be a pretty short story if he did, so…
There's certainly no lost love there and that helps a lot for the mood during the scene, and it has the added effect of makig Farn's vote the more valuable since he has to try and more visibly differentiate from the bickering going on in the room.
(But I'm still feeling Farn's vote is somewhat sus)
Yeah, thar be shenanigans for the Company’s internal office politics. Glad to hear that they were fun for you to watch.
One of the funniest parts of the scene, definitively, was the guards outside having to come in and scrape the Ditto off the wall. I was half-expecting them to end up pouring the Ditto into a bottle.
One of the benefits of having a story that vibes after a Saturday Morning Cartoon. Lets you get away with moments like these. :V
Anyway, a quite entertaining chapter so far and while it's a shame it's not time for the Shadow Realm games as of yet, I trust Kiran and team will be able to rescue the others by trustingKiran's statisticsthe Heart of the Cards, and that Cabot will also find enough heart with his team so that they make the switch sides to Pleo.
I mean, it's worked for Kichiro so far!
Hold onto that thought really. Though glad to hear you had fun with the chapter. ^^
Alright, so since the last update, we’ve got a decently large batch of fresh art to share, including a landscape with Nida and Crom towards the end of Episode 15’s events won as a prize art from an offsite review challenge, a portrait of Alice from Team Zephyr, and a portrait of Ketu from Team Sentinel.
Today’s chapter marks the beginning of a new episode, as attentive readers likely will notice from the table of contents. Originally, it was one part of a larger chapter that was… uh… a bit longer than we figured would be readable in one setting. As such, the next update will probably get out the door a bit faster than the past few have been, but as always, our commitment is to ship chapters when they’re done to ensure the final product is at its best for quality.
Special thanks for this chapter goes to my co-writer @Virgil134 , who is uploading today’s chapter, and to @Tangent128, who helped us put together a new set of Episode icons for this chapters and the rest of the ones that will pop up in this episode. It’d also be remiss to not give my thanks to you readers and reviewers out there for sticking with this story in what will soon be the eighth year of its run.
So let’s reward you for your patience a bit, and jump straight into an all-new chapter picking up the pieces from Team Traveller’s chaotic exit from Vollezee Island: