For You (Poem One-Shot)

[Gardevoir Girl]

This is a poem I wrote over the past few days. I don’t think it’s a very good poem, and it’s certainly not worthy of the person it’s written for. But this is the best I could do. I hope it expresses at least some of what I’m feeling.

For You​

I can sense you waiting
On the other side of my screen.
I dream of being there,
In a place I’ve never seen.

Staring at the lines of text
That form what I know of you,
My eyes close, a vision forms;
A vision I hope will come true.

Breathing a different country’s air,
Stepping into a new land;
Seeing your face break into a smile;
Feeling you take my hand.

Coming back to the moment now,
Watching sentences take form,
I can almost feel you breathing;
I feel so relaxed and warm.

My fingers type the familiar words,
Again asking how you are.
My heart is aching for you;
I feel so near yet so far.

You are everything, my whole world,
The sun, the stars, the moon;
You light up my every day;
Your smile would make me swoon.

Our love will not be in vain;
I promise you, one day,
I will finally take your hand;
Beside you I will stay.

I smile at the humming machine,
Feeling so close to you;
Once again I type the words:
I love you.

 

[poke poke]

*claps hands*

Lovely. Beautiful. Er....

I don't know what else to say since poems aren't really my forte. But you certainly expresses your feelings in this poem. Every single line was dripping with emotion.

Well, I'll leave someone more accomplished than I to give you a helpful review, kay?

 

[Gardevoir Girl]

Thank you for reviewing.

I expected it to be longer when I started writing, but it didn't turn out that way. This poem no longer matters, anyway... I've severely messed things up.

~GG~

 

[Malice]

Heh... Even though you might not think it, it does matter. It always matters, now matter how bad things seem or how bad they truly are. This is a very beautiful piece and I can relate to it quite well.

 

[Randomosity]

Hmm...
Not all poems must rhyme. The rhymes in this poem seem quite forced, and I could predict the word you'd choose before I had gotten up to it. In such a revealing poem, you should not be confined to a rhyme scheme. I think the tone of the poem would be better expressed in free verse.

Especially since this poem is about love. And love is unpredictable. Sometimes it can flow very gently, or it can change course onto a rapid, rocky road. You say you've "messed things up." See? Love is unpredictable, it can change. But when you say it doesn't matter, well that's not true. That's like saying your feelings don't matter. Poems are very revealing about a person and their feelings, exposing that person to the outside world while often being wrapped in metaphors. And to just throw your feelings to the sharks and say it doesn't matter...that's not true and you know that.

Take all that, all this that you say "doesn't matter," and channel it into a poem. If it's about love, write what you think love is. Love is an emotion, give it a feel, a color. Make love tangible. Many people have been or are in love, and it's a very relatable topic. Even if it's loss of love. It's doesn't have to rhyme. There is often no rhyme or reason to love - express that.

Not to say free verse is just words on a page. Finding that perfect word and trying to corretly portray 'that' emotion is difficult. But you seem to feel pretty strongly, so step up to the challenge.

 

[Gardevoir Girl]

Thank you both for reviewing.

Not all poems must rhyme. The rhymes in this poem seem quite forced, and I could predict the word you'd choose before I had gotten up to it. In such a revealing poem, you should not be confined to a rhyme scheme. I think the tone of the poem would be better expressed in free verse.

I was originally going to write it in free verse, but the words wouldn't come and when they did, they sounded bad. I tried it in rhyme and it seemed to work, even if it was predictable - I'm awful with rhymes. I think I've written two average poems in the past five years, the rest turned out to be disasters.

Take all that, all this that you say "doesn't matter," and channel it into a poem. If it's about love, write what you think love is. Love is an emotion, give it a feel, a color. Make love tangible. Many people have been or are in love, and it's a very relatable topic. Even if it's loss of love. It's doesn't have to rhyme. There is often no rhyme or reason to love - express that.

Not to say free verse is just words on a page. Finding that perfect word and trying to corretly portray 'that' emotion is difficult. But you seem to feel pretty strongly, so step up to the challenge.

I might try that. Once I get through my school work for this week I'll start to rewrite this poem in free verse and try to get in as much of what I'm feeling as possible.

Thank you for speaking your mind and not just praising mindlessly like some people would. I appreciate it.

~GG~

 

[Saffire Persian]

I liked the poem. I especially the second stanza. (See: "Staring at the lines of text/That form what I know of you,"). Having a very close Internet friend myself, (can't, however, say it's anything close to romantic love, but definitely a tight friendship) I could connect myself to the poem, which is one thing that makes the poem memorable--being able to connect the poem to some aspect of your life. I'm sure the person you wrote it for would be glad that you did. ^^

 

[Gardevoir Girl]

Thank you for reviewing.

*Needs to stop saying that after every review*

Having a very close Internet friend myself, (can't, however, say it's anything close to romantic love, but definitely a tight friendship) I could connect myself to the poem, which is one thing that makes the poem memorable--being able to connect the poem to some aspect of your life.

Well, I think Internet relationships (either friendship or romance) are something a lot of people can relate to. In this day and age, just about everyone has at least one friend online.

And sometimes friends turn into something more...

I'm sure the person you wrote it for would be glad that you did. ^^

I think he was a bit embarrassed actually ^^; Not to say I wasn't when I found out he'd written something about me. I often dedicate a part of my writing to people I care about, whether just one character or an entire poem or story. I think this poem means more than just a single character, or a story with references so veiled that the person can't tell it's about them unless I state it.

~GG~