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Four friends, Four Champions Part 1 – Begining

K

Kayko

Guest
Four friends, Four Champions Part 1 – Begining

Four friends, Four Champions Part 1 –

The Beginning

As the sun raises Ashley sit upon Kayko’s bed and says: “come on sis get up. I wan to get me pokemon before anyone else.” As Kayko gets up she checks out Hermione who is still sleeping and Kayla who is getting up. As the four girls walk down to eat breakfast they notice that Yusuke is eating some pop tarts and say to the girls “so are you guys ready for your quest that starts today?” As the girls pick out what they want to eat Kiaba comes down and says for Kayko to come here.

As Kayko walks towards Kiaba, Joey comes down the stairs he says to Kayko “Kayko good luck on your quest and be careful.” Kayko responds saying Joey don’t act like my mom you can’t get her voice right. At that same time Delia come down and says good morning and makes the girls a special breakfast just to get their energy all ready for their quest. Delia says to Kayko” Kayko are you sure you just want you three others friends with you and not the whole pack?” Kayko Says in respond “yes mom I am sure the four of us are almost sister to one another in a way.” Delia says “ok just be careful ok honey. Promise me that you will look after Ashley since she is younger ok? “Kayko says “ok mom I will and once we get to a town I will call you ... and tell you that we made it safely deal? Delia says back “Ok sound like a deal honey”. “Eat up and get showered so that way you and your friends get a head start on your quest”.


As soon as breakfast is done the four girls hop in the shower one after another and quickly get rinsed to prepare for their quest that is about to unfold . As soon as the girls are done getting ready they run out the door so that way the can pick their first pokemon .down at the lab the girls are able to make it before anyone else can arrive for a while. Professor Birch says “Ah... The four girls who are about to embark on a quest of their life time “welcome ladies I assume that you here for your first pokemon yes? Kayko responds saying: well the other three are here to pick their starters, I wan to know if I can take my Furret with me instead of getting a starter Professor? “Why of course Kayko come on back and get your furret. “ Oh thank you Professor .Thank you so much! “My pleasure Kayko my pleasure “Kayko says “did you guys pick your favorite starter ... Because remember you can not switch once you have one “Yes we have chosen our starters want to see Kayko? “Sure why not” alright “come on out Torchic! “, come on out “mudkip!” Here’s mine come on out Treecko.” Kayko says “they are so cool, nice choices everyone ... good job!” alright I saw you now get to see mine “furret come on out “ Ashley says “ wow that such a good looking pokemon Kayko!” Kayko says: “ready to return home and start packing?” Kayla says “sure ... We have to be on the road by what time again Kayko?” Kayko says “we wan to leave real early so we can get a head start “Ashley says “Kayko what time is it now?” Kayko says” exactly 9:30 so we have exactly 2 ½ hours before we have to hit the road’


As the girls leave the lab Kayko sees someone and just smiles “hm... if that kid is looking for a starter pokemon ... He is out of luck... “Ok were back mom” Delia says “how did it go honey?” Kayko says” it went really nice... I got my furret just like I wanted and the other three got their favorite starter to right girls?” Ashley says” right Kayko everything went fine” Kayko says “we have go pack mom … we want to leave by noon so that way we can hit Petalburg by at least 3:00 or early earlier” Delia says ‘ you won’t stay until at least till 4:00 Honey” Kayko says “ ok .. Fine... I will stay until 4:00... But no later ok? Delia says “ok honey ... Thank you! We all want you to stay for a while. “Kayko says’ sound like if I leave ... you guys will really miss me I take it?” Yusuke is in the living room and says “you got it... You leave and we will miss you! Of course with you on your quest...The teams in halo2 will get to play harder” Kayko says ‘well then I guess I made the right choice then?” Kiaba says “you made it ... it’s you and your friend’s quest ... We can not stop you from doing this... This is your dream... not ours “Kayko says “true me and my friends did want to take this quest and since got our pokemon... We can not turn back on our word.” Delia says” your right honey... You made your promise … you must not go back on it... You must fulfill your dream... “Kayko says “mom I won’t let you down... I will try my best and so will my friends right girls?” Ashley says” right Kayko we are on the same quest as you are on... And with us on your side... This quest will be fun... Kayko says” yeah you right Ashley it will be more fun ...” Kayla says “well are we going to go pack or just stand around here talking”? Hermione says” Damn it... I completely forgot about that. come on girls we have to pack our stuff so that way when 4:00 comes around we can just pick up our gear and leave “ Kayko says “ your right Hermione ..Let’s go and pack so that way... We have the rest of the morning to play around and beat the guys in Halo2 “Joey Says” hey I heard that insult Kayko... You take it back!” Kayko says” Make me Joey!” Ashley and Kayla say “come on ... if we don’t pack soon ... we will never make it out of the house “ Kayko says “ yeah your right if we don’t pack soon we ill never get out of Little Root town

Ok its 4:00 everybody... We have to leave... or we will never make it out of Little Root town and in to Petal Burg city by nigh fall at the latest… Delia says “ Ok honey be careful and as soon as you get into Petal Burg city call me then go see your Father who owns the-“ Kayko says “ mom I know that dad runs his own gym and of course I will see .. It’s not like I would get into Petal burg... Call you then leave... Of course I will see him mom.” Delia says “ok Kayko take care honey” Kayko says “bye everybody ... I will se you all soon” .Joey don’t get my mom mad while I am away... You hear me”?! Joey says “ok ... I won’t cause trouble while you are away Kayko... And that’s a Promise!” Kayko says “good bye ... goodbye Kiaba.”

As the girls leave little root town... they say their final good byes before they start their quest to be the best girl pokemon trainers in history. Kayko says something to furret.” Furret are you ready for your quest with me? Furret says ‘Yes Kayko I am ready let’s go.

The End
 
If you know how to make paragraphs, you should at least know when to start a new one. When a new person speaks. Otherwise it's hard to read text blocks. You've got run-on sentences, capitalization errors, punctuation errors, text blocks, and verb confusion. Like so:

As Kayko walks toward Kiaba,

It should be:

As Kayko walked toward Kiaba,

Everything's gone too fast, and we don't even know what the characters are wearing or who they are. Is Joey someone's brother, and is he wearing jeans? Are you using the names of television characters, unable to come up with your own, or is this one big crossover? TELL US. And how can it be the end, when the story's just starting? This isn't lengthy, nor descriptive. You've got a lot to work on.
 
K

Kayko

Guest
thx.. for your advice.. it is a cross over with other anime.. i will take up on your advice ..
 
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