Fullmetal Alchemist: Other Worlds [PG-14 for Language and Violence]

[Bu†cH]

Fullmetal Alchemist: Other Worlds [PG-14]

Welcome to the first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic in Serebii Forums.​

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DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, Jimmy Neutron, or any of it's related trades or inditica. Any song/lyrics/reference to companies/and/or/items solely related to that person or person(s), I do not own or claim ownership to.

THIS FIC IS NOT FOR STEALING! If I am notified of a stealing attempt, you know what will happen, do ya?
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Here are what critics are saying about Other Worlds so far:

BEST REVIEWS:
"Still funny. I love it."-[Cano], my best reviewer.
"Other Worlds is funny, serious, and descriptive all at the same time. Keep going, Butchimatic!" -~*Ratiosu*~
"Finally, a fanfic of FMA, my fav show. This story is a very good. Reminded me of my sis who pokes me a lot." -Meta-Master
"Your detail is great and the way you use their personalities from the show and manga is great." -Kei
"Hmm... It's an intresting concept, and kind of funny. I like it." -Medical Meccanica
"I'm not a big fan of FMA, but I still thought that was good." -Gutsman
"Pretty good...I like the way you're SO detailed....and ur descriptions are fine...I'm not much of a fic rater...x_x" -Rufinito18

OTHER REVIEWS:
"Kinda funny. Keep up the good work." -Dufort
"Really good!" -Deoxys Ribonuke
"It's okay." -Umbreon_Lover
"105/100." -G-Unit
"Very detailed." -Bashaamo
"Sounds just like the real characters (by their personality)" -Hydronus
"Love the story!" -Hikari_blaze
"Wow! That was so cool and funny." -Pegasus
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Firstly, if you wish to be notified whenever a new chapter is posted, simply state so and you'll be added to the list.

Notification List:
Darato ; Snorlax 360 ; Dufort ; [Cano] ; Deoxys Ribonuke
Bashaamo ; Hydronus ; meta-master ; Darkliger

Beta Testers:
[Cano] ; Darato ; Snorlax 360
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Here are chapters that are currently up:

All Chapters Edited-8/12/06

Episode One: Disapperance of the Elrics (Added 10/9/06)
1. Imprisoned (Added: 10/9/05)
2. Escape (Added: 10/16/05)
3. Deep Dive (Added: 10/22/05)

Episode Two: Realm of Science
4. Interruption (Added Thanksgiving, 11/24/05)
5. Bar Fight (Added 1/6/06)
6. Yoo Yee (Added 2/19/06)

Episode Three: Fight to the Unconciousness
7. Golden-Eyed One (Added 8/21/06)​

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REMEMBER TO REVIEW!
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EPISODE ONE: DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ELRICS
CHAPTER ONE: IMPRISONED
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3 minutes after the end of Episode 10, The Other Brothers Elric Part 2. So if you didn't watch the episode, you might not know what they're talking about.
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Xenotime Countryside. 2:54PM.

A much-aged grey train was heading from the city of Xenotime and straight for the city of Central. Inside was a seemingly young five-and-a-half-foot teen in a red coat and black undershirt and pants, with blonde hair and golden eyes, alongside a seven-foot tall metal medieval suit with a long ribbon sticking out of the back of its helmet.

"I must find a way to be taller than him," The teen mumbled angrily as he stared through the window at the shrinking-looking city of Xenotime and the green pines trees they've passed through.
"Ed, don't let Russel get into you," The suit sighed, "at least we saved the town."
"Yeah, I guess...."
Edward Elric, the big brother of the suit, otehrwise known as Alphonse Elric, calmed down, lied back, and crossed his arms behind his head. "Plus, we got that imposter problem taken care of. Right, Al?"

Then a few seconds later, sitting in the seat behind his, a fat bald man and in nothing but brown jean shorts, petted Ed like a cat, saying, "Kitty, I thought you were dead."

Ed's smile turned upside-down and smacked the guy's petting arm away and growled, waving his arms around, "I AM NOT A CAT, YOU FAT-ASSED IDIOT!"

"AAAH! MUTANT CAT!"
The drunken man ran away to the next car, shouting over and over, "I WANNA LIVE!"

"What's his problem?"
"He's just drunk," A brown-haired young adult man with a white short-sleeved shirt and blue jean overalls sighed from the seat by the exit that the drunk used, "You should easily tell by the voice."

"Hey, nice knight suit, man," the teen smiled, not hearing Ed's comment, "Where did ya get it?"
"Uhhhh....." Al said, "At my house?"
"Holy crap! What's a kid doing in a suit anyway? Aren't ya gonna get heat stroke or somethin?"
"Uhhhhh......"

Just then, everybody in the same car as the three guys felt a massive bump.
"What the hell?" Ed said surprised as the train slowed down until half a minute later, when it stopped.
So everyone else, curious, wanted to see what that the problem was. They looked around to investigate until a minute later, when they saw that the front right-wheel in the cart before the guys' went off.
Ed jumped off and saw the problem. He smiled and said, "Hmmm...nothing that I can't fix."
So he clapped his hands and tried to create a new wheel for the train out of the dusty earth where he was standing on.

But then red sparks started swiftly coming out of the earth and became so big, it sucked Ed in.
He fell, feet first, onto the sandy ground and dug his right arm in it, trying to escape, but the portal kept dragging him in.
"BROTHER!" Al screamed, running to save Ed.
"NO, AL!" Ed shouted, "Don't do it!" Then Ed got completely sucked in.
"Brother, we can't go on without each other."
Then Al jumped into the shrinking 2.5-foot-wide portal.
Twenty-three seconds later, the portal disappeared, with the Elrics inside.
Witnesses gossiped about the recent happening.
The drunken man saw it and shouted, "YAY! THE CHAINS OF HELL PUT THE MUTANT CAT OUT OF HIS MISERY!"
"YOU *******!" The young man from before said, socking the man in the face with his right brown gloved hand, "He ain't a ****ing mutant! You are just drunk!"
"Oh yeah!?" The drunk man said, standing up with the bruise in his face and preparing to fight, "BITE ME!"
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The Portal. 2:59PM.

Inside the portal, the confused Elrics flew swiftly through a blinding light.
Is this it?, Ed thought, staring at the walls that sucked him and Al in.
Is this an expansion of our punishment for our past sins?
Will we die like this?
If so, I am sorry, Al, for what I've done.
Then the bright light suddenly faded into complete darkness.
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Unknown Location. 3:13PM.

A while later, Ed woke up in an enviroment mixed with brown and red. His sight was really blurry at the time.
"Am I....in Hell?" Ed whispered, but he was not.
His vision clears up and sees that he was in a cell with red lasers for bars in a brown, metal, steaming room which had a scent of car gas.
He stood up, fully concious, and noticed Al is gone.
"AL!" Ed shouted, "Where are you!?"

"So you're awake," An unknown female voice said, "What was with that suit of armor of yours?"
Ed looked quickly at the one the second she started talking. A woman in a black latex suit with black hair and brown eyes, evilly grinning and by the cell and holding a pistol.
Angrily, he said, "None of your damn business."
"Fine. Either way, I'm going to annihilate you."
The woman pointed the pistol at Ed's head, giving him only one option.

 

[Dufort]

not bad. i like it. i've never commented on a fic before though. ; 7/10

 

[[Cano]]

I like that it's FMA...but it doesn't seem to portray the same qualities that I love about the show. Also, it seemed rushed...example, in the middle of the 'chapter' it cuts from Train Car 3's passengers becoming curious about the bump, to Ed trying to transmute a replacement wheel. A little more detail, or conversation between the Elrics and the conductor or something could have been put in to lengthen it and really delve into the characters. Also, you haven't described Ed and Al. You mustn't assume that everyone who reads this watches FMA. SO, from this perspective you must somewhere define your characters. There are many ways to do this:

1. Defining by the character's behavior - how he/she treats others, his/her mannerisms (little sayings and such, like Naruto's "Believe it!") and how he/she behaves (duh)
2. Defining by the character's thoughts/actions - how he/she talks to others or themselves (nutcases xP), how they view themselves, what they do when encountering a certain situation, etc.
3. Defining by other characters views on said character - how other people view this character, what they think of him, how they treat him, etc.
4. Defining by the character's appearance - how they look determines greatly what kind of person the audience views the character as, much like a first impression.

This is a literary element called...well that doesn't matter much. What I'm trying to get across is that mainly, you need to introduce Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric as individual people, like you are speaking to an eight year old.

So to recap, here's what you can do to improve:

1. Increase length using more description, character development, and seemingly meaningless chatter between characters.
2. Basic grammar issues that can be resolved upon reading what you've typed (I know, a pain in the ass but it helps...trust me.)
3. Having character development and description for the n00bs who don't know what FMA is.

Otherwise, you're off to a good start!! ^_^ Happy trails!
<SCM>

 

[Bu†cH]

After reading your review, Sig, I've changed the first chapter a bit.
Now it's a bit better.

Chapter Two will be coming up around the time the new FMA episode "Sin" airs.

 

[[Cano]]

I'm gonna nitpick a bit here...sorry

Well it's gone. That ok?

 

[Bu†cH]

Yep. Thanks.
I'm kinda new at this. And now that I'm in the right direction, Chapter 2 is going to be better than the first, hopefully.

 

[Bu†cH]

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EPISODE ONE: DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ELRICS
CHAPTER TWO: ESCAPE
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Xenotime Countryside. 3:00PM.

The drunk man and the young man prepared to fight.
The drunk man charged head first at the teen.
The young man lifted and pointed his left foot at the drunk mans head, and kicked him there.
The drunk man was unconcious for eight seconds, then jumped on the young man, bringing him to the ground and punching him.
Then the young man kicked the drunk man in the testicles. The drunk man covered them while the young man kept beating him up.

Unknown Location. 3:14PM.

Quickly, Ed saw the fuse box behind the woman.
He had only one chance, so he rolled to the left, clapped his hands while he was rolling, and swiftly placed his right hand onto the floor.
The electricity from his hand crawled up the wall and blew up the box, causing the entire room to black out and the red bars to disappear.

"Hey! Who turned off the light!?" A deep voice said along with other ones complaining.

Then, Ed sneaked out of the cell, quietly bumping into the walls, and found himself in a huge, dark room with a huge window, showing the night sky.
Also in the room, he heard voices, complaining about the light.

"Hold on. I got it," The deep voice said as he turns on the emergency light.
It was activated, exposing Ed and everyone else.
The complaining voices were of the people sitting and looked like they were discussing something.

A hovering golden egg with green eyes inside and a crown on top of the egg, mechanical arms, and a big mouth with sharp teeth.
A baby with a rattle and a brownish-white diaper.
A really puny bald man (1/4 Ed's height) with beady eyes. He wore a lab coat, black gloves and pants, weird glasses things.
A kid with brown, smooth, swirly hair. He wore a red robe with a black shirt under it and black pants.
An fat old lady with glasses and a pink dress.
And Al.

"Al?" Ed said, frightened that Al might be under some kind of spell.
"Who's Al?" The deep voice of the one wearing Al asked.

Then, the power somehow went back on and the woman came back and pointed the pistol at Ed.
"Hold it right there," she said.

Al took control, grabbed a chair, and threw it at the woman.
She got hit in the torso and fell into the ground, dropping her pistol.

"Junkman," the egg said, "What the heck are you doing!?"
"It's not me," The man wearing Al, aka the Junkman said, "This suit is possessed."
Then Al opened his torso, grabbed the man out, and threw him at the brown metal table where the others sit.
"And I won't let you hurt my brother," he said.

Ed ran to the window, with Al following him.
"What's he doing?" The baby said, thinking the Elrics are being stupid.
Ed clapped his hands and bursted the entire window into sparkling oblivion and he and Al jumped out.
"Ho.....ly.....gua....ca....mole!" The old lady said.

Ed and Al thought that they were jumping out of a building. But instead, they jumped out of a brown rusted ship in space, falling towards a blue planet with clouds and what appears to have land on them. Could it be their world or another?

 

[[Cano]]

Well, it was pretty interesting, and the description was good. Overall, I like it, but I have somethings to discuss over PM.

 

[umbreon_lover]

it's okay but not as good as the show by the way was the lady lust?

 

[Deoxys Ribonuke]

This is really good! Though I'm a little confuse, but taht's because I've never seen the show... (But I really want to! ^_^)

*****

But one suggestion... There were a few typos... When I write, I write on Microsoft Word first, THEN I post in on some forums that I want to show it to. That way, I can keep down on my typos...

 

[Bu†cH]

it's okay but not as good as the show by the way was the lady lust?

No. If ya read carefully, you'll see that Ed and Al ended up in a spaceship full of people. One of them is named the Junkman. If anyone is not familiar with that name, the world the Elrics ended up in is the world of Jimmy Neutron.

Don't worry if the fanfic is going to be nothin but kid stuff. There will be sweet....delicious....blood.....WTH! NVM. But still, blood and drama!

It's gonna get alot hotter from the suspence, the drama, and the comedy.

 

[Dufort]

that was kinda interesting.

 

[Bu†cH]

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EPISODE ONE: DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ELRICS
CHAPTER THREE: DEEP DIVE
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Xenotime Countryside. 3:14PM.

The fight between the drunk man and the young man went on until....

......a gunshot erupted from a hill by the train.
The fighting stopped and the people paniced.
Two people came down the hill. A blonde-ponytailed woman, wearing a blue military uniform and holding a pistol, along with a black, short, spiky haired man, wearing white gloves with a weird circle on his right one and also wearing a blue military uniform.

"Okay," the man said when he walked up to the scene where the Elrics disappeared, "What happened? I've heard that the Elrics have disappeared. Did he really?"
The man leaned over to one of the passengers.
"You mean the one with the coat, accompanied by another kid in a suit?" The teen behind the man said, "Then yes, the red coat tried to transmute a new wheel for us, then he disappeared."
"You're lying."
The passengers disagreed and told the man about the Elrics' disappearance.
"How wouldn't I know that you didn't hide him somewhere so we can't find him," he raised his right hand, "A snap of these fingers and everyone here will burn into a crisp."
"Screw you! You cause trouble anyway!" The teen yelled.
"Well allow me to show you an example of what I can do."
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Outer Space. 3:17PM.

Ed and Al continued to fall towards the blue planet.
Ed looks at Al and gets an idea.
"Al," he said, "I'll have to use your limbs if we're both to survive."
He clapped his hands once and transmuted Al's limbs into a flat disc to protect them.

They went through the Earth's atmosphere with swift fire being covered by the shield.
Thrity-two seconds later, they passed completely through. But they have worse news right now.
"I wonder when we crash," Ed said staring at the sky below them.

"Brother, I see something!" Al spotted a little black dot, getting bigger.
"What!" Ed also saw the black dot and found out that it's a rocket.

A boy with brown swirly hair, riding on his mechanical robot dog........

A box-shaped torso.
Plastic tubed legs with flames erupting from their metal circular feet.
A metallic head with electricity inside the bowl on its head.
Flat metal ears for the boy to steer him with.
And eyes that looked like a flashlight with a bendable handle.

.......sailed up the great blue sky until they are in the same height as the Elrics.

"Don't worry," the boy said, digging into his pocket and pulled out a bright, purple cube and sucked the Elrics inside.

The Elrics, inside the cube, where curious about the things also inside.

"What is all this crap?" Ed said, looking at the many toys.
"I don't know," Al said, "But we shouldn't touch any of them."
"You're making me feel like wanting to touch them now."

Seventeen minutes later, the boy released the Elrics from the cube. They were by a brown shed made of wood and some high-tech gadget by the door.
Ed was wearing a sumbrero and carrying a guitar when he was released.
"Nice stuff," Ed said, smiling in guilt.
"I tried to stop him!" the annoyed Al said, "But he couldn't listen!"
"No worries," The smiling boy said, "I'm Jimmy Neutron."
"Hi," Ed said, shaking Jimmy's hand, "I'm Ed."
"I'm Al," Al said, waving.

"And this must be the Nerdtron Geek Fair," A blond-ponytailed girl, wearing green and white striped sleeveless shirt and short greenish brown pants, accompanied by a black-dredlocked black girl, wearing a pink shirt and blue jeans.
They were both laughing about the recently said sentence.

"That is not nice," Al sadly said.
"Yeah," Ed snarled, "Do you know who we are?"
"Uhhhhhh....." The black girl said, "Nerdos."
The girls laughed.
Then Ed walked up to them and yelled, "Who are you calling a nerd!"
People call him short, Al thought, and now they're calling him a nerd. I don't want what happened in Lior to happen here.

"Greetings, fellow Earthlings," A short-black-haired boy, wearing black pants and a blue shirt that said Ultra Lord, along side him an overweight freckled red-haired boy, wearing glasses, brown long shoes, and red and white striped shirt tucked into his green pants, appeared walking to the scene.
"Now the gang is all here," the blond girl said.
"The nerd gang," the black girl laughed.
The girls laughed again.

What will Ed do next?
More importantly, what will happen back at Ed's world, where the man is getting pissed off because he didn't believe the passengers' story about the Elrics' disapperance?

*Credit music*

Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist
Al: Episode Two: Realm of Science

*Mute Random Scenes of next episode*
*Ed fighting the blonde-ponytailed girl*
Al: Brother, where are we?
*Roy in a mean glare, talking*

REMEMBER TO REVIEW!
Reviews keep fanfics alive and authors feel important.
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Author's Note:

By now, you should know they are in the realm of Jimmy Neutron.

What happened in Lior, you say?
In the first episode of the entire Fullmetal Alchemist series, it was the first time in the series Ed was called short. Then when he did, he grabbed two men and spun them around and complaining about being called short.

"Shorty? Can a shorty do this?! What else you wanna call me? A half-pint bean-sprout midget? I'm still growing, you back-water desert idiots!"

LOL.

 

[Dufort]

that chapter was kinda funny. keep up the good work!

 

[[Cano]]

Well I do believe it could be better. Here are my reasons (I'll keep it brief and general, k?):

1. Descriptions were really good, but ran on. Two words: run-on sentences.
2. Roy Mustang wouldn't act like that! He feels guilty for helping massacre the Ishbalans (SP?) and therefore I don't think he'd act that way towards these civilians. But maybe I'm wrong. Oh wells.
3. It seemed rushed, and Ed's true attitude wasn't truly captured in this chapter.

Anyways, keep it up. Twas mediocre, but you can and will do better. Can't wait for the next one.
<SCM>

 

[Bu†cH]

that chapter was kinda funny. keep up the good work!

Thanks. I hope you enjoy the next chapter, which is gonna get a bit more suspenseful and funnier.

Well I do believe it could be better. Here are my reasons (I'll keep it brief and general, k?):

1. Descriptions were really good, but ran on. Two words: run-on sentences.
2. Roy Mustang wouldn't act like that! He feels guilty for helping massacre the Ishbalans (SP?) and therefore I don't think he'd act that way towards these civilians. But maybe I'm wrong. Oh wells.
3. It seemed rushed, and Ed's true attitude wasn't truly captured in this chapter.

Anyways, keep it up. That was mediocre, but you can and will do better. Can't wait for the next one.
<SCM>

*feels a bit guilty*
FMA Spoiler: [SPOIL]You are right about Roy feeling guilty about the massacre, but he does hide it from some of the other troops. In Episode 11, Roy Vs. Mustang, Ed tried to get more info on the Philosopher's Stone, so he had to beat Roy to do that. In the end of the battle, Roy paused before he nearly finished off Ed, reminding him of the past, when he killed an Ishbalian.[/SPOIL]

Maybe I did change Ed's personality a bit too far, though.
But the next chapter will be alot better and I'll try to bring Ed and Al's personailities back to what it's supposed to be.

 

[[Cano]]

Okie dokie then! ^-^ and after careful review of Mustang's personality, I do believe that it was pretty close, but I still don't think he'd threaten to kill someone. But maybe I'm wrong. And, correct me if I'm wrong, doesn't Mustang have two gloves w/ Transmutation Circles? One for each hand? I only bring this up because you just mentioned the right hand.

 

[Bu†cH]

Roy thought that the people are hiding the Elrics, so he'd threaten them to get them back, but I don't think that he'd do that either.
The show didn't show too much of Roy's personaility yet.

Both of his pyrotex gloves do have a fire symbol on them. You're right.
Tell your sister you were right
*dies* JK. I saw that part from the ending of Return of the Jedi.

Message for everyone: REVIEW MY FANFIC, please. It's the source that keeps fanfics alive.

 

[G-unit]

cool fanfic butch i like it so far what i read. so you get a
105%/100%

 

[Bashaamo]

O_O Wow. Very detailed. I mean look, you even put the time! XD But yeah. I like it.
-;257;77-