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Funniest quotes from TV
- Thread starter Mye
- Start date
annabelletheraikou
Well-Known Member
Puck: Listen, I'm not breaking up with you, but please stop super-sizing, 'cause I don't dig on fat chicks.
Quinn: I'm pregnant!
Puck: And that's my fault?
- Glee
Quinn: I'm pregnant!
Puck: And that's my fault?
- Glee
PokemonHero
I can see the future
Really? All I see here are a few people putting on quotes from only a few shows. You gotta expand your horizons.
Perhaps I should show you what I mean, with the improv genius of Whose Line Is It Anyway? It's hard to just write down the quotes without context, so I'll include links to the games from which they came.
Coline Mochrie: It all started with a badly timed bald joke.
Newsflash
Ryan Stiles: Hi.
Colin Mochrie: Hi...
Ryan Stiles: How are you?
Colin Mochrie: I'm fine...
Ryan Stiles: We don't know what you're watching. So we're not going to tell you we're going to return you to it.
Colin Mochrie: We... we're watching animal porn! uh
[realizes what said and covers his face briefly. Buzz]
Colin Mochrie: Mary Had a Little Lamb in just a little sec...
Audience members: [Buzz. the audience members, Drew Wayne and Jeff start to laugh. Close up on Colin]
Colin Mochrie: I'm sorry, I apologize.
Ryan Stiles: [laughing continues] He's so happy about it! "We watching animal porn!"
Greatest Hits - Song of the Motorcycles
Colin Mochrie: This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.
Excerpt from Weird Newscasters
Drew Carey: Hoedowns about magicians are really hard to do/ Hard to think of one verse, let alone even two/ Let me tell you somethin' that'll give you a little laugh/
[to Wayne]
Drew Carey: If you take my rhyme again I'm gonna saw your *** in half!
Hoedown - Magician
Ryan Stiles: Hey, Col.
Colin Mochrie: Yeah, Ry?
Ryan Stiles: Here's a little riddle for you.
Colin Mochrie: All right.
Ryan Stiles: What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?
Colin Mochrie: Oh, I guess... a... tern? An arctic tern?
Ryan Stiles: And what sound does an arctic tern make?
Colin Mochrie: [in a high pitched voice] Backstreet Boys?
Ryan Stiles: [laughing hysterically] No, Colin! That's wrong!
Colin Mochrie: Why don't you tell us what's right?
Ryan Stiles: I was thinking of an owl, that goes Hoo, Hoo! The Who is the next band on our CD set...
[cracks up again]
Greatest Hits - Songs of Westerns
It's even better when you consider that all of this was done off the top of the actors heads. I'll probably be back with more.
Perhaps I should show you what I mean, with the improv genius of Whose Line Is It Anyway? It's hard to just write down the quotes without context, so I'll include links to the games from which they came.
Coline Mochrie: It all started with a badly timed bald joke.
Newsflash
Ryan Stiles: Hi.
Colin Mochrie: Hi...
Ryan Stiles: How are you?
Colin Mochrie: I'm fine...
Ryan Stiles: We don't know what you're watching. So we're not going to tell you we're going to return you to it.
Colin Mochrie: We... we're watching animal porn! uh
[realizes what said and covers his face briefly. Buzz]
Colin Mochrie: Mary Had a Little Lamb in just a little sec...
Audience members: [Buzz. the audience members, Drew Wayne and Jeff start to laugh. Close up on Colin]
Colin Mochrie: I'm sorry, I apologize.
Ryan Stiles: [laughing continues] He's so happy about it! "We watching animal porn!"
Greatest Hits - Song of the Motorcycles
Colin Mochrie: This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3.
Excerpt from Weird Newscasters
Drew Carey: Hoedowns about magicians are really hard to do/ Hard to think of one verse, let alone even two/ Let me tell you somethin' that'll give you a little laugh/
[to Wayne]
Drew Carey: If you take my rhyme again I'm gonna saw your *** in half!
Hoedown - Magician
Ryan Stiles: Hey, Col.
Colin Mochrie: Yeah, Ry?
Ryan Stiles: Here's a little riddle for you.
Colin Mochrie: All right.
Ryan Stiles: What kind of bird always says the name of our next band?
Colin Mochrie: Oh, I guess... a... tern? An arctic tern?
Ryan Stiles: And what sound does an arctic tern make?
Colin Mochrie: [in a high pitched voice] Backstreet Boys?
Ryan Stiles: [laughing hysterically] No, Colin! That's wrong!
Colin Mochrie: Why don't you tell us what's right?
Ryan Stiles: I was thinking of an owl, that goes Hoo, Hoo! The Who is the next band on our CD set...
[cracks up again]
Greatest Hits - Songs of Westerns
It's even better when you consider that all of this was done off the top of the actors heads. I'll probably be back with more.
Swampert_trainer
Laughs at thunder
"I'm off to notify the Ohio secretary of state that I will no longer be carrying photo ID. Know why? Because people should know who I am." Sue Sylvester from Glee.
And to prevent people from complaining about the amount of Glee quotes...
"Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside."-Stewie from Family Guy
And to prevent people from complaining about the amount of Glee quotes...
"Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside."-Stewie from Family Guy
Charizard Champion#06
Spiral Warrior
To hell with Glee, time for some win filled quotes from Archer:
“Why doesn’t your voicemail just say ‘leave a message, I’m a jackass’?” -Malory
You know whats surprising? Kissing you goodbye at the airport, dozing off in first class, and then seeing you on my flight when I get up to PEE! That...to me...is surprising! -Lana
Just the tip- Archer
If I find one single dog hair, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes. - Archer
Sorry, I was just picturing ***** Island. - Archer
Sir, that stolen Lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face. And she says she can't go to hospital because she's quote, tripping balls. - Woodhouse
NO CYRIL, WHEN THEY'RE DEAD THEY'RE JUST HOOKERS! - Archer
DANGA ZONE!!!! - Archer
I'm gonna pain you dearly Woodhouse. When I peel all your skin off with a flincing knife, sew them in to Woodhouse pajamas, and set those pajamas on fire! -Archer
“Why doesn’t your voicemail just say ‘leave a message, I’m a jackass’?” -Malory
You know whats surprising? Kissing you goodbye at the airport, dozing off in first class, and then seeing you on my flight when I get up to PEE! That...to me...is surprising! -Lana
Just the tip- Archer
If I find one single dog hair, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes. - Archer
Sorry, I was just picturing ***** Island. - Archer
Sir, that stolen Lemur bit one of your prostitutes right in the face. And she says she can't go to hospital because she's quote, tripping balls. - Woodhouse
NO CYRIL, WHEN THEY'RE DEAD THEY'RE JUST HOOKERS! - Archer
DANGA ZONE!!!! - Archer
I'm gonna pain you dearly Woodhouse. When I peel all your skin off with a flincing knife, sew them in to Woodhouse pajamas, and set those pajamas on fire! -Archer
Frygon
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Dennis: No, she won’t know what it is, Charlie. Nobody knows what that is. Okay, alright, what’s your favorite hobby?
Charlie: Uh, magnets.
Dennis: Magnets- okay, making magnets, collecting magnets-
Mac: Playing with magnets-
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: Okay, we’ll put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.
Dennis: Alright, what are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uh, ghouls.
Mac: Son of a *****. What are you talking about now?
Charlie: You know, funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: Wh-what? Like in movies, in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghouls, buddy!
Mac: Don’t write ghouls.
Dennis: I’m not! I’m putting travel, Jesus Christ. What are your dislikes?
Charlie: People’s knees.
Charlie: Uh, magnets.
Dennis: Magnets- okay, making magnets, collecting magnets-
Mac: Playing with magnets-
Charlie: Just magnets.
Dennis: Okay, we’ll put snowboarding.
Charlie: I don’t really snowboard.
Dennis: Alright, what are some of your likes?
Charlie: Uh, ghouls.
Mac: Son of a *****. What are you talking about now?
Charlie: You know, funny little green ghouls.
Dennis: Wh-what? Like in movies, in cartoons?
Charlie: Little green ghouls, buddy!
Mac: Don’t write ghouls.
Dennis: I’m not! I’m putting travel, Jesus Christ. What are your dislikes?
Charlie: People’s knees.
pokedexfiller
Unova Trainer
Lost-
Hurley: Maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't go around shooting people.
The Nanny-
Niles: Cluck like a chicken
CC:What?!
Niles: It turns me on.
CC: Bock Bock Bock.
Hurley: Maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't go around shooting people.
The Nanny-
Niles: Cluck like a chicken
CC:What?!
Niles: It turns me on.
CC: Bock Bock Bock.
annabelletheraikou
Well-Known Member
Dexter: [voiceover] I like to pretend I'm alone. Completely alone. Maybe post-apocalypse or plague … whatever. No one left to act normal for. No need to hide who I really am. It would be … freeing.
Doakes: Stop grinning like a ******* psycho and get back to work!
Dexter: Human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport.
- Dexter
Doakes: Stop grinning like a ******* psycho and get back to work!
Dexter: Human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport.
- Dexter
x5IFerrariI5x
BLAM!
From The office: Fun Run
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.
Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael Scott: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?
Ryan: Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.
Ryan: I don't think-- I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
Michael Scott: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'we're fine'?
I hear this thread is lacking Awesome. Seriously Barney is just Legendary.
Benjamin Franklin: "I believe that if we are to form a new country, we cannot be a country that appears war-hungry and violent to the rest of the world. However, we also cannot be a country that appears weak and unwilling to fight, to the rest of the world. So, what if we form a country that appears to want both."
Thomas Jefferson: "Yes, yes of course, we go to war and protest going to war at the same time..."
Benjamin Franklin: "And that means that as a nation, we could go to war with whoever we wished, but at the same time act like we didn't want to. If we allow the people to protest what the government does, then the country will be forever blameless."
John Adams: "It's like having your cake and eating it too."
Anonymous Hick Redneck Founding Father: "Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another."
John Hancock: "And we will call that country the United States of America."
Eric Cartman: "Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars."
both from South Park
Thomas Jefferson: "Yes, yes of course, we go to war and protest going to war at the same time..."
Benjamin Franklin: "And that means that as a nation, we could go to war with whoever we wished, but at the same time act like we didn't want to. If we allow the people to protest what the government does, then the country will be forever blameless."
John Adams: "It's like having your cake and eating it too."
Anonymous Hick Redneck Founding Father: "Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another."
John Hancock: "And we will call that country the United States of America."
Eric Cartman: "Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars."
both from South Park
lol...from whose line is it anyway, (drew) 'For all those who weren't watching, wayne fell into an icehole....an icehole....a big fat icehole' Later in the same show, 'If only we had an electric beaver...hehe....we could plow right through this icehole...' lol...good unforgettable stuff...