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Funniest quotes from TV

C

Charizard Champion#06

Spiral Warrior
MKFC said:
Benjamin Franklin: "I believe that if we are to form a new country, we cannot be a country that appears war-hungry and violent to the rest of the world. However, we also cannot be a country that appears weak and unwilling to fight, to the rest of the world. So, what if we form a country that appears to want both."
Thomas Jefferson: "Yes, yes of course, we go to war and protest going to war at the same time..."
Benjamin Franklin: "And that means that as a nation, we could go to war with whoever we wished, but at the same time act like we didn't want to. If we allow the people to protest what the government does, then the country will be forever blameless."
John Adams: "It's like having your cake and eating it too."
Anonymous Hick Redneck Founding Father: "Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another."
John Hancock: "And we will call that country the United States of America."

Eric Cartman: "Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars."

both from South Park :D
Click to expand...

This. This is why South Park is way more clever than people realize.
 
M

Mye

Someone has to win..
Lol...another funny one from the 'there goes the neighborhood episode':

'Well, all the rich people have left south park, and their houses and property are ours. Whaddya say we do with it?'
Garrison: 'I say lets keep it for ourselves'
'But don't you see, if we keep it then we'll be rich people too, and then we'll hate ourselves'.
Garrison: 'True, but at least we got rid of all the nig....'

Too funny that they end it in the middle of that word.
 
L

Larris

Barney Stinson!
(Robin looking at a life size storm trooper doll, in Barney's apartment)
Barney: He's not a doll, he's a storm trooper.
Robin: Then why's he wearing a diaper?
Barney: That's not a diaper, that's protective armor.
Robin: Storm trooper, more like storm pooper!

- How I Met Your Mother
 
T

TR4eva

A Friendly Rocket
~Joey: "Is this how much the phone bill costs?"
Chandler: "That's the phone number."

~
Mike: "Right, from now on you can call me Crap Bag."
... other speech
Phoebe: "This is my husband... Crap Bag."
Lady: "Crap Bag?"
Mike: "An easy way to remember it is it's like a bag of crap."
*Lady gives look of disgust.*
Phoebe: "Ok, you win. My name won't be Phoebe Banana-hammock anymore."
Mike: "Do you even know what a Banana-hammock is?"
*whispers in her ear.*
*Phoebe gasps.*
From Friends

~Mr. Lux: "Professor Song why am I the only one wearing my helmet?"
River: "I don't fancy you."

~Doctor: "Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Wimey"

~Donna: "Oi, watch it Space-Man!"
Clone Doctor: "Oi, watch it Earth-Girl!"
...other speech
Clone Doctor: "I'm part human! Oh, that's disgusting."
Donna: "Oi!"
Clone Doctor: "Oi!"
Donna: "Stop it."

Father Octavian: "Dr. Song, do you trust this man?"
River: "I absolutely thrust this man."
Father Octavian: "He's not just some mad man with a box?"
River: "... I absolutely trust this man."
From Doctor Who

Bart: "Homer!"
Homer: "Hehe, that's what grown-ups call me. You can call me Daddy."
Bart: "Homer."
Homer: "Daddy."
Bart: "D... Da..."
Homer: "Yes, yes?"
Bart: "Domer, hehe."
Homer: "Why you little?"
From The Simpsons

Lolz, some classic quotes. :D
 
M

MKFC

Shade of Blue
(Lois walks in on Stewie torturing a bully)
Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house.

family guy :D
 
M

Mye

Someone has to win..
lol...I have another one from king of the hill:

Dale: 'Sir, I regret to inform you that your son is wearing silicone ie falsies on his prosterior'-throws hank's fake *** to cotton-
Cotton:'By god, you're wearing butt-boobies!'

lol
 
F

foxyman1167

From Zero To Hero
From The Office.

Andy: "I'm like a carpenter that makes stairs. Always thinking one step ahead."
 
DarkerShining

DarkerShining

Well-Known Member
From an episode of Futurama:

Fry: Hey, Bender! Look at the TV! It's that guy you are!

And from another episode:

Professor Farnsworth: PROFESSOR! LAVA! HOT!
 
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L

Larris

Barney Stinson!
Got inspired by TR4eva, so here's another quote from friends.

(Talking about Chandler Bing's name)
Chandler: You're right, it is a ridiculous name!
Joey: It's not that bad.
Chandler: From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So - you're just Bing?
Chandler: I have no name.
Phoebe: All right, so what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me... Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull off Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Um... Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. It's Clint.
Joey: See ya later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. Clint.
Joey: What's up with Gene?

- Friends
 
Diarkia124

Diarkia124

Well-Known Member
Here is mine from George Lopez Show:

George: "California may have gangs, under-aged drinking, teenage pregnancy, and drugs, and you might see cops beatin up a guy on TV, but they're both wearing sunglasses and short sleeved shirts because everyday, it's sunny and 80 degrees. Thats why they always write songs about California, no one ever writes on about Colorado"
Person: "Whoa Whoa, what about John Denver"
George: "He died...in California"
 
DarkerShining

DarkerShining

Well-Known Member
From the Phineas and Ferb episode "Cheer up, Candace":

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the platypus! You see, it occurred to me that what I should be doing is fighting fire with fire. And by fire, I mean Perry the platypus. And by fire, I ALSO mean Perry the platypus. It occurred to me while I was on fire.
 
DarkerShining

DarkerShining

Well-Known Member
From Phineas and Ferb episode "One Good Scare Ought To Do It!"

Doofenshmirtz: You see, Perry the platypus, this hideout doesn't actually belong to me. It belonged to my mentor, Professor Destructicon! Kevin to his friends. Sadly, he was captured in the midst of his latest plan: TO SET FIRE TO THE SUN! Redudant, perhaps, but before they locked him away, Kevin asked a favour of me. To prevent them from discovering his hidden lair and all of it's secrets, would I please SET FIRE TO THE SUN! And I was like "Dude, you really got to let that one go. I-it's a ball of fire, it makes no sense!" So he asked me instead to simply destroy his hideout, which I will now do, using my Disintevaporator!
 
C

charizardreams

I <3 Ash
Family Guy:
(Lois kills stewie)
Brian: "You're banning straight to video Disney films?"
Stewie "Absolutely, look at this: 'Aladdin 4: Jafar May Need Glasses"
 
C

charizardreams

I <3 Ash
Waterpokes said:
Total Drama Island/Action/World Tour:

- Harold: I loved, I lost and I saw boobies! What more can a man ask for?

- Harold: You're like Albert Einstein, with better hair and girly bits!

- Harold: Like she's unpantsing with me with her eyes.

- Noah: Throwing balls! Gehh, another mentally, challeging test.
- Lindsay: I know, right?

- Harold: I could be a doctor if I wanted to! I have plenty of hands on experience, because I've contracted nearly 300 known diseases. And I've been cured of nearly all of them. But there is no known vaccine for loving LeShawna!

- Harold: My nether-regions!
- Duncan: Harold just took a Num-Yo in the "Num-Yas"!

- Duncan: Get on with it, Doris! (Harold runs to Duncan, and pulls his pants down, Chef grabs Harold) I kinda had that coming.

So many good quotes, even though I hate Duncan.
Click to expand...
Oh I love that show/shows! But....did you just say you hate...DUNCAN? :eek:

Back on topic, from my favourite show, American Dad.
Tearjerker
Stan: "Well perhaps I can play you for an invitation. Name you game."
Roger/Tearjerker: "Okay....Buckara?"
Stan: "Yeah...I don't know how to play that..."
Roger/Tearjerker: "Okay then Craps?"
Stan: "Yeah I don't get that either. I mean sevens good then sevens not good. How do you play the..." *is interupted*
Roger/Tearjerker: "Okay...Okay. Perhaps you should name your game? But I must warn you, I never lose"
Stan: "Okay, let's play highest number."
Roger/Tearjerker: "I'm not familiar with it."
Stan: "Whoever says the highest number wins. You go first."
Roger/Tearjerker: "Thank you...six thousand."
Stan: "Seventeen thousand"
*Roger/Tearjerker waits then looks shocked*
Roger/Tearjerker: "Well-played"
 
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T

TR4eva

A Friendly Rocket
Larris said:
Got inspired by TR4eva, so here's another quote from friends.

(Talking about Chandler Bing's name)
Chandler: You're right, it is a ridiculous name!
Joey: It's not that bad.
Chandler: From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So - you're just Bing?
Chandler: I have no name.
Phoebe: All right, so what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me... Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull off Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Um... Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. It's Clint.
Joey: See ya later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It's Clint. Clint.
Joey: What's up with Gene?

- Friends
Click to expand...
YAY! I'm inspirational! :)
I LOVE that episode, lol. So funny...

What about this one?
Monica: "We've got a brides maid down... Oh wait, that's me!"
*Man waiting for her... then walks down aisle with her when she realises she's the brides maid.*

And what about this...

*Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Mike were having dinner as couples...*
*Ross walks in.*
Ross: "Hey you guys, guess what? The museum granted me tenure." (or something like that!)
Monica: "Um... Ross we were in the middle of dinner."
Ross: "Great, I'd love some."
*Ross grabs plate and sits down.*
*Rachel walks in.*
Rachel: "Guys, I've just got an interview with Gucci!"
Ross: "I've just been granted tenure!"
Rachel: "That's great."
*Rachel grabs a plate and sits down.*
*Joey walks in.*
Joey: "Guys, I finally got that seed out of my tooth!"
Monica (Sarcastically) "Gee, I don't know who I'm happiest for..."
Phoebe: "I do! He's been working on that seed all day."

From Friends
 
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DarkerShining

DarkerShining

Well-Known Member
From Phineas and Ferb episode "Isabella and the Temple of Sap"

Shop assistant: Can I help you with something, ma'am?
Professor Poofenplotz: Yes, can you tell me where you've moved your Stiff Beauty hairspray?
Shop assistant: Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am. That product has been discontinued. As it turned out, only amusement park clowns used it, and ever since the old amusement park closed down, Stiff Beauty just hasn't been selling.
Poofenplotz: Discontinued?
Shop assistant: Discontinued.
Poofenplotz: So, what you're saying is that Stiff Beauty is no longer going to be sold.
Shop assistant: Right, that's what discontinued means.
(Pause)
Poofenplotz: How about I discontinue you, from this dimension! (Zaps the shop assistant with a ray gun, sending her to some other dimension)
Shop assistant: This so isn't worth minimum wage.
 
S

Shiny Mew2

Gunshow
This is from a flashback on George Lopez.
His mom says something about his dolls.
George: Gash mom, they're G.I. Joes, not dolls. And they're kicking hippie ***!
 
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