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Gods of an Unown World

Mimori Kiryu

Well-Known Member
Here is mine...sorry it took so long. :[

Name: Travis (or Tiana as she is called by her “mother” and “brother”)

Legendary: Latias

Gender: By his body standards, he is male, but Tiana identifies as female, so I will refer to her as a female.

Age: 17

Description: Travis, although called Tiana by his “mother” and “brother”, is a rather normal looking person. She has a standard sized height of a male, since that is what her body resembles. She stands at about 6’0’’ and has the buffed chest and shoulders of a maturing male. Tiana is very embarrassed by her broad muscle and physique, and because of that, hides under very big, baggy clothes. Tiana is a very thin person that being her body is mostly skin and bones. She doesn’t have very strong muscles and is relatively weak in her arms and legs. She has tried to get stronger lifting more, but it’s just very hard for her to do so. Tiana also tries to hide the fact of being male with loose pants, mostly sweatpants and/or loose jeans. If you were to look at Tiana from a distance, from her body only, it would be hard to tell that she is actually a male. Her skin is light pigmented, mostly a light shade of pink.

Tiana is an innocent looking girl. Her hair is a short brown, very straight and almost cut board like to her head. It sticks out on the ends sharply, almost as if she stuck her finger in a light socket. Her eyes are relatively tiny and are a bright blue. It’s the first thing people notice when they look at her. Tiana’s lips are a bit bigger than most people, and are a very bright pink. She’s also very insecure about them but her “mother” will usually help in making them less noticeable. Tiana loves makeup and her face is usually very defined with eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and foundation, all applied by her “mother” since Tiana has a rough time herself getting it on the exact way that she wants it. Tiana’s “mother” tries her best to get Tiana to look more like a female than a male but it is physically impossible to get it to look perfect.

Clothing for Tiana is a problem. Tiana hates that she resembles a male when the one thing she understands is that she is female. When attending school for the several times a week when she goes with her “brother” she wears the male school uniform which consists of a plain white undershirt with a blue stripe around the bottom edge. Overtop is a blue jacket of the same color as the stripe with long sleeves that reach just to Tiana’s wrist. On the breast pocket area on the right side is the school’s logo, a large A with a circle around it in gold trim. The pants are similar to the jacket except for no logo. The pants reach down to Tiana’s shoes and lay carefully over them. There is a stripe of gold on each side of the pants facing outwards. Her shoes are traditional dress shoes. Tiana much rather wear a skirt, but with her defined legs, she knows it would look extremely odd and since her “mother” signed her up as a male, Tiana goes to school as Travis, a very conservative male.

As for what Tiana wears around the house is completely different. Tiana usually wears a red blouse with a v-neck. The sleeves are ¾ lengths down her arm and cuff at the ends toward her body. The collar is popped and there is a small diamond on each edge of the collar. She chooses to wear a skirt around the house, a knee length jean styled skirt. Her white socks are pulled up to the middle of her legs and she wears the same shoes as from her school clothes.

Tiana is never seen without her watch, ring and her moon shaped earrings.

Personality: Tiana is a people person. She loves to be around others and piping in on conversations. She likes to hear herself talk and voice her opinion. However if someone were to tell her to be quiet, she shuts up instantly, almost as if she’s been turned down like a radio. She is very insecure about letting people into her little world, however. She doesn’t trust people very often and more likely than not, will choose to be alone or leave others alone if she feels like a burden on their conversation. The best way to get to Tiana’s heart is through her stomach. Tiana usually will act before she thinks and that usually gets her into trouble. But Tiana is selfless and will do anything for anyone else. Even though she is insecure, she will do whatever it takes to those she believes is her “family”.

Tiana is very knowledgeable, and is very smart. She knows how to read the language from being taught by her “brother” and the fellow students at school. Tiana’s only problem is taking jokes seriously. Jokes usually go right over her head and she doesn’t fully comprehend how their supposed to be funny or strange in any way. Tiana thinks about the realism of the joke, rather than the funny part. She also has trouble with synonyms. Tiana is so sure that words don’t have multiples and that only one word means one thing.

Everyone has a dark secret, and Tiana is not separated from this common trait. Her dark secret is mostly about her origin. Where is she from and who is she? Tiana believes she is a female, but the realism of her body being male makes it hard for her to even think about her past. If she identified as female, then why was her body fighting against her? Tiana tries not to think about it too often because she knows that she can’t change it. Tiana wishes to become a teacher, but doesn’t know how her gender confusion would hinder that dream from becoming a reality. If she doesn’t know herself, how can she teach anything to anyone else?

Tiana is a very secretive person. She doesn’t like to show what she feeling on the outside. She holds all of it in. If she’s sad about something, she won’t cry or sob. She will keep it inside until it explodes, mostly at night when she cries in her sleep. If she’s happy or excited, she’ll simply smile and not really share how she feels. It’s all kept inside and doesn’t show her feelings. Tiana is friendly and will be friends with anyone. She’s a typical girl and loves romance between people but doesn’t really talk to the opposite sex because of her situation.

Origin: A young, twenty year old boy named Nick, walked home down a main street in Manhattan. He was walking home from the small community college just down the road. He carried a small backpack on his shoulder and kept up a pretty fast pace. Nick is in a hurry; his friends are meeting him at the mall in an hour to hang out to start the weekend. He closed his jade eyes as the wind picked up, blowing the leaves around him. The last thing he needed was the leaves to attack him and get his school uniform dirty again. Last time that happened, his mother had a cow and talked to him for about an hour over how hard it was to clean a jacket covered in leaves. Nick slowed his pace as he reached a somewhat busy intersection. As he waited for the white light to say he could walk across, he spied an alley down the other side of the street. That was toward his house and would probably get him home faster. Nick sprinted across the street when it was safe to do so and walked over toward the long alley. Windows and doors of abandoned apartments were boarded up tightly. The ladders of fire escapes were broken and hanging by only a screw or two. The metal creaked in the magnified wind between the two brick buildings. Nick suddenly felt maybe he should’ve taken the regular route home, even if it would’ve taken about twenty minutes longer.

Eventually he saw cars in the distance, the next busy road which led to his house. He dashed toward the exit, only to see it covered by a gate. Nick cursed his luck and turned toward his right, seeing another way to get out. As he walked carefully down this darker part of the alley, he saw a figure near a dumpster. It was leaning against the dirty garbage can and twitching in its sleeplike state. It wasn’t until he got closer to the person that he realized it was a young boy and the boy was stark naked. Nick stopped before getting too close and hesitated. What if this was a druggy…? Or what if it was a male prostitute or something? He started to walk past the figure until he heard it speak…or what he thought was speech. The person’s mouth wasn’t moving but the closer he got to the young boy, the more he thought he heard talking.

Help me. Help me. Help me.

Nick looked around to see if anyone was near him and he didn’t see a soul around. He wasn’t sure if it was the voice in his head asking for help that creeped him out or if it was the fact that there could’ve been anyone in that alley ready to steal his money. The dark haired teen leaned down to the unconscious boy.

“Hey…are you okay?” Nick asked, shaking his shoulder. “What’s wrong? Do you need some help?”

The strange looking boy started to awaken, his eye lids fluttering. When his eyes opened, Nick looked straight into the empty blue eyes of the boy. It took about three seconds for the boy to realize someone was in front of him. As soon as he realized it, he screamed out in a whelp and scrambled away from Nick as fast as he could. Nick stood up, taken aback by the way the stranger reacted.

Nick happened to notice strange tattoos on the boy’s body, from the back of his arms to his neck. It was an intricate design of triangles, diamonds, weaving lines and what looked like words. It wasn’t letters from the alphabet though. It looked more like letters from ancient times, like the Greeks and Egyptians did with small pictures to mean words, places or people. If that was a tattoo, it had to have hurt like hell to get it on such sensitive areas of skin. Nick decided to ask the boy later about the tattoo. At least until after they were somewhere they didn’t have to worry about being attacked by thieves.

“I’m not trying to hurt you.” Nick said calmly. “Were you asking for help? I know it’s weird, but I heard a voice asking for help. It’s no weirder than seeing you sitting here, naked and for the world to see…”

The naked boy looked down and saw that he was, in fact, naked and scrambled to cover up his private area by pulling his knees in and holding them tightly to his chest. He stared at Nick with blank eyes and tried to read his movements, but was confused at the same time. He couldn’t remember anything. Not even why he was naked, who he really was or why he was in an empty alley. This boy was very kind. It was as if he could feel his kindness emanating off him like heat. He had called him “a boy” but he didn’t know if that was right. It didn’t feel right. Something was off.

Nick pulled his backpack off his back. “I have some clothes. Well, they’re my gym clothes, but it’s something for you to wear. You know what I’m saying, right? Clothing?” He pulled at his own uniform and the boy nodded. “Great. Here. Do you need help getting it on?”

Nick walked slowly over to the boy and handed him a shirt. It seemed like he didn’t understand how to wear it and so Nick carefully dressed the boy in his gym shirt and shorts. Afterward, the boy nodded and actually cracked a smile.

“Well, look at that. You do know how to smile.” Nick said. “Do you have a name? Or…do you not remember?”

The boy shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t remember anything about myself.” He spoke. Nick was surprised. He almost sounded like a girl.

“Okay…uh, how about I call you Travis? That’s my character’s name from a video game and it’s a pretty common name. No one should think anything of it.” Nick suggested.

Travis nodded. “I like…it.” He smiled again and grabbed onto Nick’s arm. “What…is your name?”

Nick grinned. “My name is Nicholas. But everyone shortens it to Nick. Like a nickname. Get it?” He laughed and Travis nodded, showing he understood. “Do you want to come to my house? My mom can probably help you better than I could.”

Travis agreed with him and walked just behind him, looking around. Going with Nick seemed like a better idea than staying in an empty alley with no one around. Maybe walking with Nick would remind him of who he was. Or who he was meant to be. Nick had called him a boy but that word wasn’t what he would’ve used to describe himself. Or maybe he was just confused. He didn’t know if he would ever be sure of anything again.

Nick walked slowly down the street toward his home and Travis walked just behind him, looking around at everything, as if he was absorbing his new home. Nick pulled out his keys to his home as it came into view. It was a two story peach colored home with three rooms on the second floor and a large living room meshed with the kitchen. Nick inserted the small key into the lock and turned, opening it slowly.

“Mom…? Are you home?” Nick called out, throwing his backpack onto the floor near the small bench where coats hung while they’re not being used. “I need to introduce you to someone.”

Nick’s mother, Diane, came down the stairs. She was a chubby woman, but not so fat it looked unhealthy. She was wearing a red blouse and blue jeans, carrying a basket of clean, folded laundry, mostly towels and dish rags for the kitchen.

“Hello, honey. Who’s this with you?” Diane asked, sitting the basket on the bar of the kitchen.

The teen hesitated and then pulled his mother aside. “I know this is going to sound really odd, Mom, but I found this boy in the alley. He was unconscious and naked. I gave him my gym clothes so he could cover himself up. I couldn’t just leave him there; it’s weird but I heard a voice as I past him asking for help.” Nick sighed. “I’m sorry…I just didn’t know what to do.”

Diane smiled. “We can help him, just to see where he belongs.” She saw the relief on her son’s face. “You’re a very kind person, Nick. Let’s see what this boy knows about himself and see what we can do.”

The young woman walked over to Travis and grinned. “Hi there, sweetheart. Do you know who you are?” Diane showed the boy over to the couch and Travis sat down.

“No, not particularly.” Travis said. “I can’t remember anything before Nick waking me up in that alley.” He put his hand to his head. “All I remember is black…nothingness.” Travis shuddered and hugged himself. The darkness was terrifying in his mind and it scared him to even try to think about it. He suddenly felt a hand on his own and looked up into the gentle brown eyes of Diane.

“It’s okay dear. You don’t have to force yourself to remember. You can stay with us. We have an empty room upstairs that isn’t used for anything.” Diane smiled.

Ever since that day, Travis has lived with Nick and his mother. He became the second son that Diane never had but wanted and the brother Nick had always dreamed of having. It was about a month after living with them that Travis felt like he was a prisoner in his own body. He didn’t feel like a ‘he’. Travis asked one night at dinner what it meant to be a boy or a girl. Diane explained that there are some people who are meant to be either one because of the way their body is made, but they feel in their heart and soul that they were actually supposed to be the opposite. Travis agrees with her when saying that he feels female and that the way he dresses for school is uncomfortable and not who he feels he’s supposed to be. From that dinner on, Travis became Tiana and has been portraying a girl in the home and a boy outside the home. Tiana’s “family” has become her most precious treasure and she will do anything to protect them in any way that she can.

Miscellaneous: Tiana is an eater. She’ll eat almost anything anyone can put in front of her and doesn’t really gain any weight from doing so. She’s not picky by any means. She is also a relatively good writer, mostly creating poems.

Aura: Tiana’s aura is something that most of the time she does have control over but it is also something that begins to work to protect herself. Tiana has the ability to talk to others through telepathy. This ability is in its very early stages and it’s very hard for her to do so with people she hardly knows. The only time it works on next to anyone is when her life is in danger. Her deep psyche takes over and contacts any human within distance to help her. Now, it’s not just a person of any caliber either. Tiana’s subconscious searches for the purest heart, someone who would seemingly understand her troubles and help. Tiana does not have control over her telepathy at the moment and sometimes when she’s thinking to herself, Nick or his mother will hear her. She gets extremely embarrassed when that happens. Tiana also seems to be able to share her thoughts with others by touching them. She can show them images that she’s seen before by concentrating deeply and bringing them into her world. Of course, Tiana is very choosy and hardly ever actually does this.

Tiana’s aura visual form looks almost similar to a bird. Beautiful, silhouette wings come from the upper part of the middle of her back and curve upward, glowing with a bright pink, nearly red, color. They are wide and take up nearly half of her back from where they emerge. The feathers are stiff on the edges and almost resemble diamonds from the shape and cut. Her ears seem to be longer but are simply surrounded by a glow that sharpens her ears towards her body. Tiana’s whole body is surrounded by a white glow about three inches wide. Her tattoo is probably one of the smallest tattoos of any other. It begins in the middle of her back as large red triangle. There are two strings of diamonds that start in the middle of the triangle. They are pink in color and curve upward to her shoulder blades and continue down the backsides of her arms. Within each diamond looks like a small picture, each one is different. It resembles Egyptian hieroglyphics. Tiana is very self centered about the tattoo and always has it covered up. She doesn’t even let Nick or Diane see it, so it is always covered up by her regular clothes or a dark colored shirt.
 

Manaphy Mare

1000 Words
I've been redoing my sign up on a word document and he's starting to seem more like Celebi, so I decided to change Curran from being Mew to being Celebi, with edits to the appearance and aura to reflect these changes. Without further ado I give you the sign up for Curran 2.0!

Name: Curran
Legendary: Celebi
Gender: Male
Age: 16

Description: Curran stands at a medium-tall height with a slender and athletic build. He has tan skin for someone who appears to be of Celtic descent with no visible acne. His earthy-brown hair is somewhat long, falling just past his earlobes, and pin-straight with bangs that serve to perfectly frame his dazzling emerald eyes.

Curran’s ears come to an elf-like point. His face is moderately long, yet a little rounded with high cheekbones and smooth cheeks. His eyebrows are fairly thin when compared to his peers. The expression that is usually adorning his face is one of both wisdom and curiosity. His features seem to by fairly sharp and pointed. All aside from his nose, that is. His nose is actually quite petite and comes to a rounded, slightly upturned point.

Curran’s wardrobe varies from day to day, but always has a green/blue/white color scheme. One of his typical outfits is a white shirt with green trim at the bottom with a green and lapis-lazuli-blue striped sweater over it. The sweater itself is quite interesting in construction, because it cuts off just above his hips, but his top continues down another quarter foot. His sleeves, on the other hand, manage to extend a little past his wrists, ending just before his thumb. His pants are emerald-green, lapis-lazuli-blue, and white plaid and go down to a pair of shoes that are designed to resemble shadow the hedgehog’s air-skates and have a color scheme that matches his outfit. Atop his head rests a white bucket hat with green rings embroidered onto the brim.

His other outfit of choice is a green, skin tight turtleneck with sleeves that reach just above his elbows. The top itself is a poly-cotton blend and cuts off roughly an inch and a half below his sternum, revealing a faint six pack. Over this he wears a sleeveless, lapis-lazuli-colored jacket with a lighter blue inside that is usually left open. When he wears this outfit he wears a pair of blue, stonewashed jeans that seem to be right there in-between regular and skinny cut. With this outfit he wears a pair of blue, half finger gloves made from the same material as his top. His shoes with this are a pair of blue, slip-on vans with white ankle socks.

Personality: Curran is innocent like a child and occasionally gullible. He cares about all life, and will often put someone else’s safety before his. His most obvious quality is his purity of heart; he is always kind and caring. He tends to be calm with a very level head. This is not to say that nothing can rattle him, he is actually easily startled or scared. Curran is fairly curious and willing to try new things at least once. It is this curiosity that often gets him into sticky situations; luckily he usually has his friends there to bail him out.

His general demeanor is fairly kind and outgoing. He still remains quiet and serious, but he is much more outgoing and willing to put his two cents in. The two constant traits he has is his ease of scaring and startling; especially by thugs, gang members and thunder. His typical reaction when presented with any of these is to duck behind one of his tougher-looking friends for protection or –in the case of the latter- duck under the covers. Even though he is easily frightened, ghost stories and haunted houses don’t really scare him that much due to their predictability (and the horror movies he and his “older sister” watch every Friday night); they may, however, get a scream of surprise -especially if the source is behind him- and an occasional jump behind his closest -physically speaking- friend for cover.

The first thing people notice about Curran is his high levels of energy. He tends to be very adventurous with a can-do attitude. On his free time he usually explores the urban jungle some people call New York City. He can find his way anywhere quite easily and his sense of direction is impeccable.

Curran is generally sweet and gentle around others. Overall he is very weak, both emotionally and physically. It takes very little for him to burs into tears. Another shortcoming of his is his lack of athletic ability. In contrast, however, he is actually quite intelligent when compared to most of his peers. Despite his intelligence he is not pompous or aloof, but rather humble and down-to-earth. He tends to be very formal and well mannered. Hurley has one major vice: sweets. His favorite happens to be chocolate.



Origin: A teen began awoke in a back alley along New York's fifth avenue. He stood up and looked around as he tried to figure out where he was. He looked down to discover that he was naked. Upon realizing this, his face became a bright scarlet. His cheeks would have made Groudon seem pale. When he looked up he saw a woman in her mid-thirties closing up a shop his face did the unimaginable, it turned an even brighter shade of red. He quickly moved his hands to cover himself up. The woman looked at him in shock.

“Who are you? What happened?” She bombarded him with questions, probably even more shocked and embarrassed than he was.

“I… Don’t know.” Was all that he could whisper in response. And it was true. He had no memories beyond waking up in the alleyway. Heck, He couldn’t even remember his own name! He had woken up in some strange alleyway in some city he had never been to before. Confusion was all that buzzed in the teen's mind; flooding it like a storm surge.

The woman sighed and let him into her store, she gave him a few pieces of clothing that she thought would look good on him. They sat down and began to talk. With every passing moment the woman was beginning to become more and more reminded of her younger brother. Not because of how he looked; actually it was how he acted that reminded her of her late brother. It was then that she decided to take him in. Soon he began to help her with housework in the mid-sized, two bedroom apartment that they shared. He also would help, from time to time at the boutique the woman, whom he had since found out was named Sylvia, owned. She later saw how he walked and carried himself and decided to include him in her weekly fashion show. He started modeling one of her outfits, an emerald-green and bright blue outfit. It was an instant success among many of the spectators, especially the teenage girls. The next show had him modeling two outfits. The first was a casual ensemble while the other was more suited for the beach or pool; again a success in attracting teenage, female customers. Soon he became one of her regular models with two or three outfits per show. He is currently enrolled in a nearby High Schoo and models in the weekly fashion show at the boutique.

Miscellaneous: As stated above, Curran currently models for the woman’s boutique. He sings baritone, but is capable of hitting the occasional high note. He is also a very skilled dancer and can play the harp quite well.

Aura: Curran’s aura slightly warps the flow of time around him, causing him to seem like he’s running faster than he is. His tattoo (or rather tattoos) is probably among the most simple yet intricate. For starters he has a pair of green antennae with blue tips on his forehead. In addition to that he has a pair of black circles around his eyes. However, by far, the most intriguing one is a barbed-wire-like ring that runs around his navel; though it is hard to see unless he is in the presence of another legend in which case it glows with a sepia-like gold color.
 
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Sorry Chris, I'm drawing a bad scribble with Cresselia's personality. I just can't get it right. I'm trying to get a lady, but it ends up like a bad cross between one and a tomboy. I'm not even sure if the personality I had in mind would even fit with the origin that I planned out. *sigh*

So cancel my reservation for Cresselia. I'm just going to go with Runner for this one.
 

PokemonBreederChris

UnlimitedBlade Works
Can I reserve Raikou?

Here's my sample. :3

Dramon - Dramon, my apologies for not responding for a long while, I have been both sick and busy with maintenance and all that. However, I find it that you should of had valid time to work on your sign up even without the reservation placed. I place one for five days starting from the post they requested a reserve. So I will not grant you one, however if you want one again, simply post again.

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Sorry Chris, I'm drawing a bad scribble with Cresselia's personality. I just can't get it right. I'm trying to get a lady, but it ends up like a bad cross between one and a tomboy. I'm not even sure if the personality I had in mind would even fit with the origin that I planned out. *sigh*

So cancel my reservation for Cresselia. I'm just going to go with Runner for this one.

Tunda_Wolfmane - Alright, as you request. Though As I said to The Doctor, use me if you are stuck on anything. Being a muse is one of my greater talents!

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I've been redoing my sign up on a word document and he's starting to seem more like Celebi, so I decided to change Curran from being Mew to being Celebi, with edits to the appearance and aura to reflect these changes. Without further ado I give you the sign up for Curran 2.0!


Manaphy Mare
- Manaphy, it is good that you have re-calibrated your sign up, and since it is technically a new legendary, it is a new character design, so your pending statuses are reset. However, personally before I review your sign up, I'd like you to lengthen a few fields, more so Origin. Look at other people's sign ups, their Origins are quite long. The Origin is basically the prologue for your character, a story, a freshly made RPG sample. If you sell me on the Origin, you are most likely guaranteed a spot in the RPG, as I mostly focus on Origin and Aura when reviewing Sign Ups. So, personally I am to recommend that you increase the length of the fields within your sign up. Else, I'll procrastinate a little before fully reviewing your sign up. Unless you wish me to look at it, this instance.

Also, please for the convenience of Aesthetics and organization, could you bold the sections? Thank you.
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Name: Roderick
Legendary: Azelf
Gender: Male
Age: 19

Roderick, Interesting name.

Description: To start off with Roderick's no muscled guy. He's pretty average as far as those kind of things are concerned, though he's more of a wiry kind of guy, not thick and beefy, but by no means weak. He won't be the strongest guy around, but he's no weakling. As well, he seems to walk with a purposeful stride, never just relaxing, but alway seeming to be going somewhere, doing something. Rare is the moment he's just waiting patiently.

To start off, the writing style made it difficult at first, for me personally, to envision your character, though I have gotten past that hurdle. Some of this seems filler more than physique, and should belong into the personality. You didn't necessarily describe personality through the physique, but simply talked of actions he would take with his personality, and that belongs in personality.

Now for his hair. It is a dark brown color, a bit unkempt but always clean, and normally looking rather wind blown, as if he'd been flying down the road at high speed. Next, comes his eyes, one of his most striking features. They seem to peer into you, striking, piercing. They draw your attention that's for sure. The rest of his face is a kind, but strong, face, as if he's gone though a lot.

I'd like to know more about his face, as all I see are his eyes, and his hair. The rest of his face seems as if it were a LEGO figure, or Play-Mobile.

As for his torso, it's rather normal. Nothing stands out about it, he's not fat, or super skinny, just a normal. Though should he flex, he does seem to have a substantial amount of muscle on him, it nothing too extreme. He's fit, thin, and has very little showing any sort of scarring or other such things on his torso. His legs fit this bill too, though a bit thicker, as he tends to run everywhere. He's got a lot of endurance in him, and while that doesn't show much in his legs, that's normal.

The last sentence of this paragraph kind of confused me. Clarity is a small issue within your sign up, but I get the basic skeleton of your character, and I see some details. In this paragraph work on clarity. Describe more in-depth about the muscular tones and such about his body.

Of course, there is clothing too. He can normally be seen in two kind of outfits, either his casual wear, or more formal attire, depending on his mood. Casual wear consists of polo and shorts, as he finds polo's to be very comfortable. Shorts are also what he prefers, even though it might be cold outside. If he's out on the road, or going somewhere for fun, this is the outfit you'll find him in.

If he's feeling like he wants to dress up, he'll probably be found in a full suit. He wears a black suit jacket, along with suit pants and a undershirt. This doesn't come out all that often, but if he's going to socialize amongst people, he sometimes likes to feel very well dressed, and nothing like a suit to give you some nuch needed confidence in your looks.

Regardless of outfit, you'll often find him with his fedora. Why did he chose a fedora, some might ask, and the main reason is he thought it looked good, and he likes to image himself all classy. The hat merely adds to that classy look in his mind, and its comfortable, so why not?

I found clothing acceptable, though it could always use more sense imagery.

Personality: Roderick is a serious guy. That’s one of the first things you’ll find out about him and its most definitely something you’re going to notice if you deal with him. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a sense of humor by any means, but he simply doesn’t act in such a manner. While he may chuckle, or smile slightly at a joke, rarely will he be the one cracking them, at least around strangers.

So far, so good.

This is key, as when he’s around people he feels he can trust, he shows a rather more sarcastic side. While he may say not much else but he thinks it’s a bad plan should he not know you, if he does know you, he’ll likely make a slightly cutting remark towards you. It’s never too bad, and often quite witty, however, most people don’t see this side of him. It’s something he rarely shows to anyone beyond his immediate circle of friends.

alright.

Another thing you will notice about him is that he’s determined. That's something that will come up, no matter what. To see him give up on a project, to wimp out, to give in, just doesn’t happen. He has the mental drive to push himself to near exhaustion, if he felt he had to. He doesn't normally, but he has once or twice pushed himself to the point of sheer physical collapse, though sheer mental fortitude. Don't get in a battle of wills against him lightly. He will not lose such a battle easily. He’s more persistent than most people can imagine, and will never give up a cause, no matter how bleak it seems. He will pursue the right course, and not stop.

Personality is good so far.

This strength also comes with a price, as he's amazing stubborn. Once he’s made up his mind on something, it will take heaven and earth to make him change it, though to make up for this fact, he always gives people at least three chances to show that they can be better. First impressions may weigh strongly, but he tries to keep his mind open, at least to begin with. However, once his opinion of you is set, or his opinion on something in general is set, his mind is incredibly difficult to change, to the point of willfully ignoring things that contradict his view. It’s not really a good thing.

good so far.

This determination comes into play mainly due to a deep seated penchant for justice. It’s not just something he wants, its something he’s going to have. He doesn’t accept injustice, and will fight it with as much power as he can. He has a lot of courage too, you could say, in that he’s not afraid to confront powerful people, or dangerous places, to get this. He would just say he’s determined.

h'ok.

Roderick is also smart. He loves to read, on his spare time, and devours books as best he can. He also loves to talk with people, and argue, when at all possible, because it gives him more knowledge on what other people are thinking. This helps him quite a lot, considering he also has the propensity to run into a situation without fully understanding what’s going on during it.

Ah the intellect. Fun.

He’s very rash. He’s not the kind of guy to think out what to do, to make a plan and do things. No, what he does is simply act, and then deal with the consequences. He hates to think his inaction might cause something bad to happen, so if he sees someone stealing, if he sees someone getting hurt, expect him to jump in, right away, and do something about it. Luckily for him, he’s got a good head on his shoulders, so he can normally manage to come up with some sort of plan. He’s become very good at thinking on his feet. He can have plans, and their normally quite good, it is just sticking to them that he can have trouble with.

I found your personality well written and appropriate for the character.

Origin: [[Insert text RODERICK NAME ORIGIN txet tresnI]]

I found the Origin Acceptable.

Miscellaneous: He likes to read, and run, and has a penchant for attempting to fix things up, though that has mixed results.

Misc. Field appropriate.

Aura: His aura manifests itself in a subtle, but noticeable way. Whenever he is around people, they tend to grow calmer, and he seems to have the ability to quell fears in people. This grows stronger when around other legendaries, with the added effect of inspiring confidence in those around him, to do what needs to be done, despite any fears they might have.

Interesting Aura. Plays slightly along the lines of "one must face their own nightmares to become stronger." Only you give them the cheatcode to bypass their fears...

His aura is a very different look, mainly because it seems to have his hair turn blue, as well as two tails emerging from him, both a deep sky blue shade of color, his hair turning a more navy shade, and his body seems to glow blue. For his mark, it seems to be a red circle on his forehead, a darker color than the rest of him, though on close inspection it seems to be patterned, like a ruby or some sort of gem.

So his aura is a filter of light, changing the coloration around him? Interesting.

Greywolf123:

Greywolf123, I found your sign up, acceptable.

ACCEPTED!

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Name: Travis (or Tiana as she is called by her “mother” and “brother”)
Legendary: Latias
Gender: By his body standards, he is male, but Tiana identifies as female, so I will refer to her as a female.
Age: 17

Another Gender Bender Character? Interesting, and Latias at that to counter her brother, or his sister??? All I have to say here is, well, Tiana is kind of taken by The Jewel of Life's Darkrai Character. However she's been inactive for almost a month now, so I do not know what I will do with her...


Description: Travis, although called Tiana by his “mother” and “brother”, is a rather normal looking person. She has a standard sized height of a male, since that is what her body resembles. She stands at about 6’0’’ and has the buffed chest and shoulders of a maturing male. Tiana is very embarrassed by her broad muscle and physique, and because of that, hides under very big, baggy clothes. Tiana is a very thin person that being her body is mostly skin and bones. She doesn’t have very strong muscles and is relatively weak in her arms and legs. She has tried to get stronger lifting more, but it’s just very hard for her to do so. Tiana also tries to hide the fact of being male with loose pants, mostly sweatpants and/or loose jeans. If you were to look at Tiana from a distance, from her body only, it would be hard to tell that she is actually a male. Her skin is light pigmented, mostly a light shade of pink.

Well besides the slight pronoun confusion in the beginning and well the next paragraph, I find the start of description acceptable with nice details.

Tiana is an innocent looking girl. Her hair is a short brown, very straight and almost cut board like to her head. It sticks out on the ends sharply, almost as if she stuck her finger in a light socket. Her eyes are relatively tiny and are a bright blue. It’s the first thing people notice when they look at her. Tiana’s lips are a bit bigger than most people, and are a very bright pink. She’s also very insecure about them but her “mother” will usually help in making them less noticeable. Tiana loves makeup and her face is usually very defined with eye liner, mascara, lipstick, and foundation, all applied by her “mother” since Tiana has a rough time herself getting it on the exact way that she wants it. Tiana’s “mother” tries her best to get Tiana to look more like a female than a male but it is physically impossible to get it to look perfect.

Well, are you describing physically a male or female? I say this because "Tiana is an innocent looking girl." That is all. Else I find again nice detail, acceptable.

Clothing for Tiana is a problem. Tiana hates that she resembles a male when the one thing she understands is that she is female. When attending school for the several times a week when she goes with her “brother” she wears the male school uniform which consists of a plain white undershirt with a blue stripe around the bottom edge. Overtop is a blue jacket of the same color as the stripe with long sleeves that reach just to Tiana’s wrist. On the breast pocket area on the right side is the school’s logo, a large A with a circle around it in gold trim. The pants are similar to the jacket except for no logo. The pants reach down to Tiana’s shoes and lay carefully over them. There is a stripe of gold on each side of the pants facing outwards. Her shoes are traditional dress shoes. Tiana much rather wear a skirt, but with her defined legs, she knows it would look extremely odd and since her “mother” signed her up as a male, Tiana goes to school as Travis, a very conservative male.

As for what Tiana wears around the house is completely different. Tiana usually wears a red blouse with a v-neck. The sleeves are ¾ lengths down her arm and cuff at the ends toward her body. The collar is popped and there is a small diamond on each edge of the collar. She chooses to wear a skirt around the house, a knee length jean styled skirt. Her white socks are pulled up to the middle of her legs and she wears the same shoes as from her school clothes.

Tiana is never seen without her watch, ring and her moon shaped earrings.

Nice description with the clothing, but this "school" hmm. I look forward to the Origin.


Personality: Tiana is a people person. She loves to be around others and piping in on conversations. She likes to hear herself talk and voice her opinion. However if someone were to tell her to be quiet, she shuts up instantly, almost as if she’s been turned down like a radio. She is very insecure about letting people into her little world, however. She doesn’t trust people very often and more likely than not, will choose to be alone or leave others alone if she feels like a burden on their conversation. The best way to get to Tiana’s heart is through her stomach. Tiana usually will act before she thinks and that usually gets her into trouble. But Tiana is selfless and will do anything for anyone else. Even though she is insecure, she will do whatever it takes to those she believes is her “family”.

Personality sounds alright so far. Though I am curious about this "Family" of which you speak of.

Tiana is very knowledgeable, and is very smart. She knows how to read the language from being taught by her “brother” and the fellow students at school. Tiana’s only problem is taking jokes seriously. Jokes usually go right over her head and she doesn’t fully comprehend how their supposed to be funny or strange in any way. Tiana thinks about the realism of the joke, rather than the funny part. She also has trouble with synonyms. Tiana is so sure that words don’t have multiples and that only one word means one thing.

h'ok.

Everyone has a dark secret, and Tiana is not separated from this common trait. Her dark secret is mostly about her origin. Where is she from and who is she? Tiana believes she is a female, but the realism of her body being male makes it hard for her to even think about her past. If she identified as female, then why was her body fighting against her? Tiana tries not to think about it too often because she knows that she can’t change it. Tiana wishes to become a teacher, but doesn’t know how her gender confusion would hinder that dream from becoming a reality. If she doesn’t know herself, how can she teach anything to anyone else?

Ah, her dark secret. Interesting. A Dream to be a teacher? Interesting.

Tiana is a very secretive person. She doesn’t like to show what she feeling on the outside. She holds all of it in. If she’s sad about something, she won’t cry or sob. She will keep it inside until it explodes, mostly at night when she cries in her sleep. If she’s happy or excited, she’ll simply smile and not really share how she feels. It’s all kept inside and doesn’t show her feelings. Tiana is friendly and will be friends with anyone. She’s a typical girl and loves romance between people but doesn’t really talk to the opposite sex because of her situation.

Interesting Personality, I found it unique within her physique.

Origin: [[!ereH txeT cipE tresnI]]

Well, with Community College, I am not sure Uniforms are necessary, but that is a detail easily overlooked. Also, Tiana being in a boy body, would her Psyche voice be female? I'd find that interesting. And a video game origin for the name? Hmm. I found this an appropriate way of "Adoption," as well, however the school idea, and the "month" are stretching it. I guess a month's time COULD go by before the start of the RPG, I haven't really organized event dates, nor did I specify the actual length of time the Origin takes place. But a month seems reasonable.

Miscellaneous: Tiana is an eater. She’ll eat almost anything anyone can put in front of her and doesn’t really gain any weight from doing so. She’s not picky by any means. She is also a relatively good writer, mostly creating poems.

Miscellaneous I found acceptable.

Aura: Tiana’s aura is something that most of the time she does have control over but it is also something that begins to work to protect herself. Tiana has the ability to talk to others through telepathy. This ability is in its very early stages and it’s very hard for her to do so with people she hardly knows. The only time it works on next to anyone is when her life is in danger. Her deep psyche takes over and contacts any human within distance to help her. Now, it’s not just a person of any caliber either. Tiana’s subconscious searches for the purest heart, someone who would seemingly understand her troubles and help. Tiana does not have control over her telepathy at the moment and sometimes when she’s thinking to herself, Nick or his mother will hear her. She gets extremely embarrassed when that happens. Tiana also seems to be able to share her thoughts with others by touching them. She can show them images that she’s seen before by concentrating deeply and bringing them into her world. Of course, Tiana is very choosy and hardly ever actually does this.

I found the Aura abilities acceptable.

Tiana’s aura visual form looks almost similar to a bird. Beautiful, silhouette wings come from the upper part of the middle of her back and curve upward, glowing with a bright pink, nearly red, color. They are wide and take up nearly half of her back from where they emerge. The feathers are stiff on the edges and almost resemble diamonds from the shape and cut. Her ears seem to be longer but are simply surrounded by a glow that sharpens her ears towards her body. Tiana’s whole body is surrounded by a white glow about three inches wide. Her tattoo is probably one of the smallest tattoos of any other. It begins in the middle of her back as large red triangle. There are two strings of diamonds that start in the middle of the triangle. They are pink in color and curve upward to her shoulder blades and continue down the backsides of her arms. Within each diamond looks like a small picture, each one is different. It resembles Egyptian hieroglyphics. Tiana is very self centered about the tattoo and always has it covered up. She doesn’t even let Nick or Diane see it, so it is always covered up by her regular clothes or a dark colored shirt.

Interesting descriptions for the tattoo.

Mimori Kiryu: Overall I found your sign up: acceptable.

ACCEPTED!
 

InnerFlame

Fire and Ice Combo
I'm glad to hear you're alright, Chris I'll admit I was a little worried because you haven't been on for quite awhile.

About Phione, I'm just debating on his personality is all and when I do that it makes me want to just rewrite it all over again but I don't think it's that bad to be completely rewritten... You don't have to reserve me a spot I just thought I mention it after my first statement. If Phione get taken then so be it.
 

Mimori Kiryu

Well-Known Member
I said I would change my character's name, remember? If you want, I'll repost the signup with the new names. I'll change it to Michael/Michelle, if necessary. :] (Like I mentioned over MSN).
 

Manaphy Mare

1000 Words
Manaphy Mare - Manaphy, it is good that you have re-calibrated your sign up, and since it is technically a new legendary, it is a new character design, so your pending statuses are reset. However, personally before I review your sign up, I'd like you to lengthen a few fields, more so Origin. Look at other people's sign ups, their Origins are quite long. The Origin is basically the prologue for your character, a story, a freshly made RPG sample. If you sell me on the Origin, you are most likely guaranteed a spot in the RPG, as I mostly focus on Origin and Aura when reviewing Sign Ups. So, personally I am to recommend that you increase the length of the fields within your sign up. Else, I'll procrastinate a little before fully reviewing your sign up. Unless you wish me to look at it, this instance.

Well, in that case. I'm done editing this time through, I fleshed out his backstory. If I still need to edit, I'll probably add more to Sylvia's part and flesh out her motives a little bit.

Also, please for the convenience of Aesthetics and organization, could you bold the sections? Thank you.

D'oh! I always seem to make that mistake.
 

PokemonBreederChris

UnlimitedBlade Works
I'm glad to hear you're alright, Chris I'll admit I was a little worried because you haven't been on for quite awhile.

About Phione, I'm just debating on his personality is all and when I do that it makes me want to just rewrite it all over again but I don't think it's that bad to be completely rewritten... You don't have to reserve me a spot I just thought I mention it after my first statement. If Phione get taken then so be it.

InnerFlame - Alright, well I'd like to say take your time, but as it has been roughly a month since I posted the Sign Up Form, I'd request that haste be given if you are still in the works with Pione.

I said I would change my character's name, remember? If you want, I'll repost the signup with the new names. I'll change it to Michael/Michelle, if necessary. :] (Like I mentioned over MSN).

Mimori Kiryu - As I said, The Jewel of Life has been inactive for nearly a month now. So you can use that name if you want. The Jewel of Life's inactivity result in her being kicked from the RPG if there is no response by this saturday March 6th.

Well, in that case. I'm done editing this time through, I fleshed out his backstory. If I still need to edit, I'll probably add more to Sylvia's part and flesh out her motives a little bit.

Manaphy Mare - As I previously suggested, look at other's designs for inspiration or help. For Origin I wanted a story, an event, more akin to an "RPG Sample" than history, which is a Summary. Make a scene. I have reviewed your sign up below.

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Name: Curran
Legendary: Celebi
Gender: Male
Age: 16

Curran, Celebi, Male, 16. Acceptable.

Description: Curran stands at a medium-tall height with a slender and athletic build. He has tan skin for someone who appears to be of Celtic descent with no visible acne. His earthy-brown hair is somewhat long, falling just past his earlobes, and pin-straight with bangs that serve to perfectly frame his dazzling emerald eyes.

You have shown much improvement in the making of your sign up, however, in the starting paragraph of description I still see some faults that I would like to point out. The first sentence of height and build is acceptable. It could always use more description, as can anything, but it is acceptable. Those that are not:

1. About his tan skin. What is "tan?" Is it naturally tan, or tanning caused by the Sun? There is more to tanned skin tone than 'tan.' Also, yes those of the Celtic regions, are more fairer in skin, and when they are fairer of skin that means the Sun is not as kind to them. They might burn more than they tan. As for the acne, that is alright, though there can be more to describing with the blemishes that exist on our skin, there is much more objects then acne.

Here are some quick Wiki Links to help you with skin tone in color. Doing research on things is a huge aspect of creation, and quite fun.

Olive "Tanned" skin.
Color terminology for race.

Skin color distributions.


2. The next sentence, describing the hair, his eyes, his earlobes; I believe more description can be made. You can turn that one sentence into it's own separate paragraph. The first thing I noticed was the word "somewhat." There are many choices of word which can be better. As "somewhat" is like "sorta" "kinda" "not really" "maybe." His hair length can't be a "maybe," it needs to be a "definite." I can see that you do not want his hair to be short, medium, or long. I personally do not see hair past the earlobes as long, but rather shaggy perhaps.

I see improvement in your Sign Up, though there are still these fatal flaws.

Curran’s ears come to an elf-like point. His face is moderately long, yet a little rounded with high cheekbones and smooth cheeks. His eyebrows are fairly thin when compared to his peers. The expression that is usually adorning his face is one of both wisdom and curiosity. His features seem to by fairly sharp and pointed. All aside from his nose, that is. His nose is actually quite petite and comes to a rounded, slightly upturned point.

Starting with your second paragraph in description, I found nothing fatal, however when you state "elf-like," I has the reader must assume you possibly mean the "Fantasy" version of the elf, Lord of The Rings if you will, Dungeons & Dragons. As there are many "elves" of Myth. The common sight of an elf-ear however is the Fantasy wood-dwelling elf. Everything else: fine.

Curran’s wardrobe varies from day to day, but always has a green/blue/white color scheme. One of his typical outfits is a white shirt with green trim at the bottom with a green and lapis-lazuli-blue striped sweater over it. The sweater itself is quite interesting in construction, because it cuts off just above his hips, but his top continues down another quarter foot. His sleeves, on the other hand, manage to extend a little past his wrists, ending just before his thumb. His pants are emerald-green, lapis-lazuli-blue, and white plaid and go down to a pair of shoes that are designed to resemble shadow the hedgehog’s air-skates and have a color scheme that matches his outfit. Atop his head rests a white bucket hat with green rings embroidered onto the brim.

Your description of the outfits exceed the other parts of your description by far. I'd like to see a more even representation if you could. Add more detail to the body and physique or the face to even it out. Else I find the first part of clothing acceptable.

His other outfit of choice is a green, skin tight turtleneck with sleeves that reach just above his elbows. The top itself is a poly-cotton blend and cuts off roughly an inch and a half below his sternum, revealing a faint six pack. Over this he wears a sleeveless, lapis-lazuli-colored jacket with a lighter blue inside that is usually left open. When he wears this outfit he wears a pair of blue, stonewashed jeans that seem to be right there in-between regular and skinny cut. With this outfit he wears a pair of blue, half finger gloves made from the same material as his top. His shoes with this are a pair of blue, slip-on vans with white ankle socks.

This "secondary" outfit is acceptable.

Personality: Curran is innocent like a child and occasionally gullible. He cares about all life, and will often put someone else’s safety before his. His most obvious quality is his purity of heart; he is always kind and caring. He tends to be calm with a very level head. This is not to say that nothing can rattle him, he is actually easily startled or scared. Curran is fairly curious and willing to try new things at least once. It is this curiosity that often gets him into sticky situations; luckily he usually has his friends there to bail him out.

There is some filler material in this paragraph, like mentioning his friends bailing him out, but I find personality appropriate so far.

His general demeanor is fairly kind and outgoing. He still remains quiet and serious, but he is much more outgoing and willing to put his two cents in. The two constant traits he has is his ease of scaring and startling; especially by thugs, gang members and thunder. His typical reaction when presented with any of these is to duck behind one of his tougher-looking friends for protection or –in the case of the latter- duck under the covers. Even though he is easily frightened, ghost stories and haunted houses don’t really scare him that much due to their predictability (and the horror movies he and his “older sister” watch every Friday night); they may, however, get a scream of surprise -especially if the source is behind him- and an occasional jump behind his closest -physically speaking- friend for cover.

How can one generally be quiet but still fairly outgoing? That is a contradiction, as the two contrast. You can be both, but how you wrote it, it contradicts. The quiet and serious portion simply seem as filler with the kind and outgoing part. Also, "thugs" and "gang members" can correlate to one another, so I found those two together filler material that needs revision. Also you over-killed the "---s" Most of all the words tied with the "---s" are filler, need revision.

The first thing people notice about Curran is his high levels of energy. He tends to be very adventurous with a can-do attitude. On his free time he usually explores the urban jungle some people call New York City. He can find his way anywhere quite easily and his sense of direction is impeccable.

For being someone who awoke in a strange world, I find this ability of direction and perception to be quite Power Played. Not even New York City dwellers know their way around the City that well. NYC is a HUGE city, that stretches for miles. There are many parts of it, and it holds many different "environments." I could understand if he had a good sense of perception, which is appropriate, but it seemed to me that this paragraph made it seem he was a mastermind behind anywhere in New York City. His direct settlement where he is currently located is enough, for now. I found this paragraph to be complete filler otherwise.

Curran is generally sweet and gentle around others. Overall he is very weak, both emotionally and physically. It takes very little for him to burst into tears. Another shortcoming of his is his lack of athletic ability. In contrast, however, he is actually quite intelligent when compared to most of his peers. Despite his intelligence he is not pompous or aloof, but rather humble and down-to-earth. He tends to be very formal and well mannered. Hurley has one major vice: sweets. His favorite happens to be chocolate.

You already told us what Curran was "generally." When one is "emotionally" weak as well, it his hard for them to remain serious toned, as clutter affects their mind. Also, who is "Hurley?" You really should proof read more when editing before re-submitting.

Your personality had many filler materials within it, so I would like you to rethink your personality, edit the filler materials out, and make it fulfilling to the psyche. Make sure you know your character inside and out while you submit him.

Origin: A teen began awoke in a back alley along New York's fifth avenue. He stood up and looked around as he tried to figure out where he was. He looked down to discover that he was naked. Upon realizing this, his face became a bright scarlet. His cheeks would have made Groudon seem pale. When he looked up he saw a woman in her mid-thirties closing up a shop his face did the unimaginable, it turned an even brighter shade of red. He quickly moved his hands to cover himself up. The woman looked at him in shock.

I would like to see more emotion and more of Curran's reactions within this paragraph rather than him just waking up, turning bright red, seeing a person, turning even brighter red, instinctively reacted to preserve dignity.

“Who are you? What happened?” She bombarded him with questions, probably even more shocked and embarrassed than he was.

“I… Don’t know.” Was all that he could whisper in response. And it was true. He had no memories beyond waking up in the alleyway. Heck, He couldn’t even remember his own name! He had woken up in some strange alleyway in some city he had never been to before. Confusion was all that buzzed in the teen's mind; flooding it like a storm surge.

You can bombard with questions without the dialogue. I'd find Curran too shocked, startled, and confused to take what the lady is saying coherently, and vice-versa for her.

The woman sighed and let him into her store, she gave him a few pieces of clothing that she thought would look good on him. They sat down and began to talk. With every passing moment the woman was beginning to become more and more reminded of her younger brother. Not because of how he looked; actually it was how he acted that reminded her of her late brother. It was then that she decided to take him in. Soon he began to help her with housework in the mid-sized, two bedroom apartment that they shared. He also would help, from time to time at the boutique the woman, whom he had since found out was named Sylvia, owned. She later saw how he walked and carried himself and decided to include him in her weekly fashion show. He started modeling one of her outfits, an emerald-green and bright blue outfit. It was an instant success among many of the spectators, especially the teenage girls. The next show had him modeling two outfits. The first was a casual ensemble while the other was more suited for the beach or pool; again a success in attracting teenage, female customers. Soon he became one of her regular models with two or three outfits per show. He is currently enrolled in a nearby High Schoo and models in the weekly fashion show at the boutique.

From previous reviews, you haven't really made significant changes to what I requested. For one thing, I wouldn't think the lady would care for fashion on the boy when first dressing him up, she'd just throw a random cloth to him to see if it fit, dignity before fashion. They also simply sat down and talked? Give a dialogue exchange, flesh out your character through this dialogue exchange. You are telling what is happening more than showing, I want to see the seen, I don't want it to be summarized. She's too young to be a mother of a 16 year old, but too old to be a sister, even though both are possible. I personally find the age difference and the reference of "sister" awkward.

Also, "late" brother? What happened? It should be mentioned as it sounds significant enough. Modeling? OK I suppose, but how you go about it, you need more detail, more to the scene. I don't want a summary, I want an event, one singular scene, of how he entered the world. You have a summary. Also, having an apartment in New York for a single woman in her 30s is tough. Higher standard of living, thus increased taxes and commercial things are quite expensive in New York. Sure there is the higher paycheck to counter this higher standard of living, but still, living comfortably in New York with the size apartment would be rather tough for a small business owner unless her boutique was quite the fame. As for school, I don't care about it. That's not relevant, so not needed. I would suggest rewriting the Origin to make it more a scene than a summary. Also if you were to increase it in length, dialogue exchanges help at this at times.

Miscellaneous: As stated above, Curran currently models for the woman’s boutique. He sings baritone, but is capable of hitting the occasional high note. He is also a very skilled dancer and can play the harp quite well.[/quote]

Wait...he models for a WOMAN's Boutique? Uhm...why? Do they cross dress him? And also, what is with singing, the dancing, and the harping? Sure it is Miscellaneous, but just random. I put Miscellaneous for objects that were relevant to the character and the plot, tis not a random things about the character field.

Aura: Curran’s aura slightly warps the flow of time around him, causing him to seem like he’s running faster than he is. His tattoo (or rather tattoos) is probably among the most simple yet intricate. For starters he has a pair of green antennae with blue tips on his forehead. In addition to that he has a pair of black circles around his eyes. However, by far, the most intriguing one is a barbed-wire-like ring that runs around his navel; though it is hard to see unless he is in the presence of another legend in which case it glows with a sepia-like gold color.

Celebi's power is not the manipulation of time, but the ability to time travel. Dialga I believe is the Time Manipulating Pokemon. How can it "seem" that he is running faster than he is? Time travel would be something like teleportation, or things relating in the travel between time and space. Creating portals, black holes to a very miniscul degree is another thing. As "jumping" in space/time can distort it slightly.

Manaphy Mare:

My apologies, but though there was some improvements in some fields from your previous chances, there were still grave faults. I am to REJECT this character design. You are still welcome to Sign UP, even as "Curran," however this character design of yours has been denied. Also, if I may suggest. Try getting your sign up to be about 3 pages in length on well Word 2007 default settings. It was at the third page, but it only was to roughly half, making it 2 1/2 pages. If you add in that extra half, and it wasn't filler material, it would probably be acceptable. However your sign up had too many faults to it, so I am sorry but I am to reject this character design. Thank you, for your efforts, please try again.

DENIED.

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GM NOTE:
Hummm, still getting that Server Error at times with the first post. *shrug.* I will be going to each accepted member of this RPG to see if interest still reigns. I hope to start the RPG this weekend, the sixth, with an all possibility of LSUs, as the plot is rather flexible for those to jump in and leave at any time.

March 6th, 2010 is now the official Release Date. I hope not to be like Blizzard and keep pushing back the start of the RPG every time it comes near that date...

Also, for some of you may know, a virus attacked my computer, and ate all my documents saved in certain files on my computer, thus many of my RPG works and such went KABOOM! Typh, the Articuno was one of them...let us all have a moment of silence for the characters of PokemonBreederChris....

.... ..... ..... .... .... .... .... ...

H'ok! Now that's over, I'll stick into the old resevoirs of my mind and fish the Idea of Typh out, to remake her and post her, most definately by March 6th, 2010! I have requested Zapdos, and Raikou to bring life back into this RPG, with their sparks, and hopefully the Fates will not have my evil Professors dump three books, and umpteenthillions of essays that will drown me in a sea of carpal tunnel...

MARCH 6th! NEW OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE!!!!!!
 

1# manga fan!

2 Year Veteran
I believe Mew is still opened? Would I be allowed to reserve it and have my sign up done as quickly as possible?

EDIT: Went looking for an RPG sample
Ava the Riachu

The sky was a cool blue and the morning air was crisp against the small Riachu’s electric checks. Her tail swayed gently in the wind and her bow curled and flapped showing of the thunderbolt emblem it held to any passing by Pokémon. Beside her two Pokémon, her most trusted friends, Siren the Scizor and Kay the Zangoose walked beside her.

Around them, signs of spring made their way into the scenery. Small flowers that had survived in the ground during the winter were now blooming along with the new spring grass and recently unfrozen river. A few Pidgey and Taillow chirped setting the mood even further. Ava couldn’t help but smile; it had been a long winter, her third one at Treasure Town.

Siren looked at Ava readjusting the team Thunder Inventory bag over his shoulder, “Hey!” He buzzed with excitement, “I hope we can help Wigglytuff with his preparations, can you believe how many Pokémon signed up for his entry exam?”

“I know,” Ava said looking up at a strong oak tree that had planted itself near the path the three Pokémon were following to Treasure town from the hot springs, “This town has really grown in the past years…”

Beside her, Kay gave a nod of acknowledgement and then continued to stare off into the small forest on the side of the road.

Suddenly, before any of them could make a move, the ground began to shake. Ava’s eyes widened and Siren looked stunned, “Again!?”

Kay looked from side to side and crossed his arms. He then closed his eyes and dug his clawed feet into the ground.

Siren took to the air, and Ava fell to the ground caught off guard by the sudden earthquake.

“Ava?” Siren called from the air, but she shook her head and stayed down waiting for the tremor to stop.

After what seemed like a couple minuets, the ground became still and the three Pokémon relaxed and tallied up the damage.

“The second one I a week!” Siren said as he landed lightly on the ground, “Why so many?”

Ava shook her head again and stood up, earthquakes and her didn’t mix. “I hope the town didn’t take any bad hits…”

“One way to find out,” Siren said, “I’ll check on the town and meet up with you guys at the guild later.”

As he said this, the earth began to tremble for a second time.

“What? Again!” Siren said not believing the words that came out of his mouth.

This one was shorter than the first, but it did knock even Kay off of his feet. Embarrassed, Kay stated, “No, I’ll check on the town, you two go and get to the guild.”

Before either Ava or Siren could say a word, he was gone.

“Well, I guess we should get going…” Ava muttered and began to rush with Siren to the guild.

_

“I’m sorry, but I can’t allow you to do this. In return for your ignorance I will have your life…”

“Oh please, your powers may be able to stop me, but my mission is set in stone. This sleep you cast on me will not take my life. Even if a thousand years pass, help has been sent.”

“What?!”

“Expect three heroes powerful enough to stop the earth and sea from destroying themselves to come and take away your hold on the world, and on my life.”

“Ha ha ha! There is no one on earth strong enough to stop me! Take this!”
 
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Razor Shiftry

Cynthia = Porn Star
HEY CHRIS. ITS ME! yeah, sorry if this is a little rubbish. its 1 in the morning and i'm tired and i just whipped this up quickly. hope its too your standards mate :)

Name: Jack
Legendary: Raikou
Gender: Male
Age: 17

Description: Jack is rather scrawny in stature when one perceives him. He is average in height at about 5’9”, there just don’t seem to be much meat to the bones on his body to make him seemed filled out enough. On closer inspection, Jack is surprisingly quite wiry and subtly muscular. His body is relatively in proportion apart from his legs which are slightly longer than average. On both his shoulders, he has peculiar V-shaped Tattoos which point downwards to his arms, and there are also similar tattoos on the outer side of his thighs as well. His body is typically Caucasian, pale white skin covering up his flesh and bones and a mess of platinum blonde hair which seeks nothing more than to annoy him by getting in his eyes or acting as if he’s constantly static. His body is relatively hairless apart from the usual places due to the onset of puberty although he does have some hair on his cheeks attempting to become blonde sideburns. His head is slightly triangular in shape.

Jack’s face is what someone would describe as youthfully handsome, if one could get over the fact that he always seems to be confused or scowling. This natural expression of his is due to his above average heavy brow and relatively thick eyebrows. His nose is rather softly angled than sharp and has a gentle curve towards it. His mouth has rather thin lips and whenever he smiles, it’s hard to miss the likeness he has to a wolf grinning – a fact that’s also not helped by the fact that his incisors are unusually sharp. His eyes are a pale yellow/gray colour and when a torch is shown to his face, they actually glow bright yellow like a cat’s eyes.

Jack’s outfit is crazily bright and relatively simple. He wears a pair of plain orange three-quarter lengths along with a plain yellow t-shirt. More often than not, he has a cheap mp3 in his three-quarter lengths pocket as he likes to listen to fast paced music when he runs. On his feet, he wears an old pair of trainers which are well worn out so no visible make can be seen on it, but very comfy – however Jack hates wearing socks. He also wears a plain purple jacket which has a large hood on it. He also has a pair of sunglasses which are perched on top of his head when its sunny. When it gets colder, Jack swaps his shorts for a pair of striped jeans and his purple jacket for an electric blue hoodie. On his hands, he likes wearing a pair of black fingerless gloves. Lastly, he has a cheap little metal lightning bolt attached to some string around his neck.


Personality: Jack's often found in a very dream-like state when he wonders the world. He just finds the world around him so fascinating that he likes to open his senses up the feel, hear and see everything, with a loss that he struggles to focus on things, such as conversations with people, taking him several seconds for him to realise that someone is actually talking to him. However, sometimes, his senses pick up something which overwhelms him and causes him to ignore everything else and head towards what grabs his attention if it seems good, or run away like the wind if his instincts tell him its bad.

If someone managed to engage his attention, many people quickly notice his wit and sharpness at picking up things. It appears that Jack may have a photographic memory and is a very quick learner. However, if you try and directly ask him a specific question, Jack can become very guarded and private and would rather dodge the question. The one close connection he does have, Ms Parry, he is completely open with and trusts her completely, and he often doesn’t mind spending a couple of hours just chatting away aimlessly to her, since he has no one else he feels like he can open up to.

While Jack can be far away emotively, he is in fact quite claustrophobic. He can’t be in a lift without having panic attacks or generally be in a confined place with a roof over his head without at least getting a nervous twitch. In contrast, nothing pleases him more than the magic that are storms. Whenever it rains heavily, Jack likes nothing better to do than get out of whatever he’s doing and run back home and head to the roof and just stand there enjoying the rain on his head and to see if there’s any lightning to flash overhead.


Origin:
Where was I?

My senses came to me one by one. It was dark. I could see that. Or rather, I couldn’t see that. I was on my back. It was damp, where I was lying, and a faint salty breeze wrapped itself over my naked body, chilling me slightly. I moved my arm. Grass, with the slightest hint of dew tickled my skin gently.

I jolted upright.

Where was I?

Who am I?

I felt...lost. confused and dazed. Looking up at the sky, it was dotted faintly with jewels glittering in the endless dark. My sense of hearing suddenly hit me. What my eyes couldn’t see, I could hear. There was a constant hum of background noise. Honking? Angry harsh vibrations echoed in the air all around. Was that music? My new found sense amazed me and I started to hone in on different sounds. I didn’t know where these words were coming from as I wondered what they were but they came. I heard a fox cry. Water gurgled somewhere behind me. A loud bang echoed in the distance followed shortly by wailing sirens. The sirens pierced the night hum as sharp as a knife. Closer than all the other noises of the night, I heard voices, two men roaring away at each other loudly and laughing. Their proximity extinguished my other thoughts as they were got closer, their footsteps crunching on the concrete pavements, their alcoholic scent...

Their voices were lost under the hammering of my heartbeats and my ragged breaths as alarm bells rang in my head. Without thinking, I leaped up and bolted as fast as I could from the men. Where was I? I thought loudly as I nimbly dodged branches and bushes. I couldn’t see. I was even more lost and-

OMPH! *THUD!*

Pain blossomed around my head and back. I groaned. The first noise I make in this world and it’s a pain-filled ugly groan, I couldn’t help but think. I tried moving and more pain bloomed across my body like needles jabbed across my skin.

“Now dear, stay still!” I vaguely heard a voice say. “I don’t know what on earth you’re doing running around in central park with no lights, butt naked but this isn’t a night to be doing such a thing young man!”

I opened my eyes slightly and there, with a light hovering over her, an old lady bent over me and peered down at me over her half-moon glasses.

“eh whaaaa...” I tried to mumble. I rolled myself over and tried to get back up but I felt dizzy and disorientated and I stumbled as I did so.

Here you, cover yourself up boy!” said the lady with a squeak and I felt something big and hairy cover my back and sides. Clothes said an inner voice in my mind. Instinctively, I wrapped it around my body and blushed uncontrollably. My legs were exposed still but I didn't mind. Or didn’t care. I couldn’t work it out. At least the vitals were covered. I felt an arm loop itself around my left arm which began tugging me in a direction. It took me a moment to register we were walking down a path. The light I saw above the old lady was a street light. It flickered as I looked at it in wonder, mouth open agape.

“come on boy, I don’t live too far. I’ll get you something a little bigger to cover yourself up with and something hot to warm you up, come on...” muttered the lady quietly to me, apparently. Her voice had a dream-like air towards it, like she was speaking to ghosts who weren't there.

“uhh...” I said in a slurred fashion. The words seemed to struggle to come to form in my mouth before something clicked all of a sudden. “Who are you?” I blurted out.

The old lady chuckled to herself. “well boy, I’m Mrs...” she paused for the slightest moment in time. A curious look crossed her face, as if she was pondering a memory. She coughed quietly. “Sorry about that, got lost in my mind for a moment there. I’m Ms Parry. Edna Parry. Perhaps in the future you might even called me Edna if you wish” she said with a small smile which held nothing back. “Now who are you, running out of the bushes like that and falling flat on your face right in front of me eh? Naked as well!”

I looked at her blankly. She looked back inquisitively. A part of me wanted to run but yet she was so...calm. I moved my arm slightly and was surprised her grip on my arm was so strong. Her gaze continued looking me as we walked. “I...I...I don’t know” I stuttered in shock. She nodded.

I found out later how unusual it was that she didn't press me. We continued walking for 20 minutes in silence till we got to her house, where she dragged me inside and she briskly sat be down in an old floral armchair, went away and came back with a pale cream dressing gown and confidently walked off to the kitchen. I put the dressing gown on and sat there in the living room. It was quite a big flat. Somewhat plain and simple, a couple of pictures of her and a man on the walls, the same man every time. There was a few paintings, and two sofas and - standing out amid the rustic setting in the room, a huge plasma TV on the wall opposite the sofas.

Well, that's unusual I thought to myself, leaning back into the armchair. I avoided looking at the ceiling. It gave me the shivers and made me want to escape more than anything. But it was warm in this...house, at least. A feline mottled brown creature found me and to my surprise, jumped on my lap, curled up and started purring. I was shocked and didn’t know what to do and was about to call, the old lady, Ms Perry in but she happened to walk in with two mugs of hot liquid.

“well that’s unusual. Reynolds’s never done that before to anyone I’ve had over...oh and here’s your tea”, she said handing me the steaming blue mug. She said it so confidently that I instantly felt at ease for some reason and in all honestly, I was starting to enjoy the reassuring vibrations the cat was making on my lap.

It was the beginning of something at least, that night. We got talking, about little things mostly. She never questioned me once about my past, like I could tell her any way. I did gather a few things from her. She was a lonely woman since her husband died from a degenerative disease, whatever that was. They never had children for a reason she didn’t want to mention. Cutting the story short, she asked me to stay with her. I don’t know what it was about me but maybe it was because the cat liked me so much. She decided to name me after his husband, Jack, since I couldn’t remember my name – if I had a name, at all, and said that the spare room was going to be for me. Her generosity surprised me a lot. Maybe it was the cat that persuaded her. He didn’t stop purring all night and even slept on my bed.

Aura: Jack’s aura is quite jolty and tied heavily to his emotions. When he’s feeling emotional, such as when he has a claustrophobic panic attack or ecstatic such as in the middle of a thunderstorm, to whose which can visibly see his aura, his body radiates an inconsistent random pulses of electric blue/florescent yellow volts of miniature lightning all across his body. Other effects which can occur when he’s charged up is that his body can actually become slightly static and electronic appliances and mains can flicker and possibly short circuit. When he’s very happy, his eyes also seem to glow with an iridescent life of their own – although one would only notice that in the dark.

When not in “excited”, his past form has very minimal effects which single him out to be abnormal. Physically, he has slightly heightened senses such as sight, sound and taste. He is less prone to cold or heat and Jack never seems to be able to catch a cold at all. Furthermore, he doesn’t seem to sweat either, even after he runs excessively. This is due to his electrical aura heating up and evaporating the water fast enough so that his sweat isn't noticeable to most people. Jack has great stamina when it comes to running, but this appears to be limited to that alone – he can barely make 10 press-ups without collapsing out of breath and aching. An interesting thing of note, when Jack runs, his tattoos on his shoulders (and possibly his thighs, he doesn’t know as he hasn’t been running in the light naked) seem to become sharper and more visible to the eye and sometimes, they seem to lengthen a bit as well. To another legend’s eye, he has the slightest of slight pale yellow glow around his body and his aura billows out like a darker stormy cape of the colour of the hoodie or jacket he’s wearing. His pale yellow glow also leaves a hardly noticeable trail behind him like a jagged tail as well.
 
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May I be reserved under the manlyness of Deoxys... I have samples...

Tonya looked back, a single tear rolling down her face. The sky was gilded with the golden wisps of light emanating from the slowly sinking sun. Sunset; Tonya’s favorite time of day on a good day, but today was not one of those days. She looked up at the auburn sky, and held out her arms, grabbing onto something small and fluffy. It was small, with pale yellow, almost white fur. It had long legs that ended in single dark hooves, and a long tail colored a brilliant mix of red, yellow and orange that bristled with heat. It whimpered slightly as Tonya embraced, and then drew near her.

“Don’t worry Ignis; I won’t let them hurt you anymore… You don’t have ‘ta be strong...” Tonya said, in a very calm, caring tone. Though at first, the young ponyta seemed unwilling to yield; to show any weakness, but it slowly began to open up to her. Its body began to tremble as the reality off the events at hand began to unfurl. They were alone now, and there was no turning back. Not only did Tonya renounce her family by running away; but she also gave up comfort zone. She didn’t regret anything though; she was just so tired of all the drama back home. Her abusive father would beat her almost everyday, while her mother would tell her that she should’ve been a boy instead of a useless girl. She had a handful of good friends, but was always picked on for being a weirdo. She had to get away from it all.

“Come on… Let’s continue walking…” Tonya calmly stood up as she lifted Ignis in her arms. He had been badly injured during her attempt to face ace trainer Don White, who quickly dispatched her using his weakest pokemon. Her inexperience and her aggressive fighting style left her open in many ways. She would often be faked out by the quick thing and the burrowing of Don’s diglett, and left one of Ignis’s flanks exposed. Don would then order the diglett to scratch, or tackle Ignis until she had to stop fighting to prevent further harm. Both shocked and defeated, Tonya quickly ran off, holding Ignis tight. He showed no signs of improvement.

Sighing, Tonya walked off into the distance, toward the fading sunlight. It would be a couple of minutes until she reached to nearest time, giving plenty time to contemplate her actions. This battle (or merciless beating) would help her grow as a person, but also help her and Ignis’s bond. She looked back in the direction of her home town, and with a tearful sigh, she continued her trek to parts unknown…
 

PokemonBreederChris

UnlimitedBlade Works
I believe Mew is still opened? Would I be allowed to reserve it and have my sign up done as quickly as possible?
[/SPOILER]

1# manga fan!- Reserved. However, your sample was too dialogue heavy for my tastes. If you could lesson the dialogue and add more of simple sense imagery, that would be lovely. So, with your Origin, I would like to see much great detail when it is time to submitt. The reserve lasts 5 days from when you requested a reserve. You can ask for another one if you need more time, I usually allow people to get 1 or 2 more reserves depending on circumstances.


---

May I be reserved under the manlyness of Deoxys... I have samples...

RubyGuardian_A - Reserved.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Name: Jack
Legendary: Raikou
Gender: Male
Age: 17

Ah, Jack. A name all too familiar with you Razor Shiftry. Let us see how this version of Jack is portrayed.

Description: Jack is rather scrawny in stature when one perceives him. While he is average in height at about 5’9”, there just don’t seem to be much meat to the bones on his body to make him seemed filled out enough. However, on closer inspection, while there is little fat on him, Jack is surprisingly quite wirily muscular. His body is relatively in proportion apart from his legs which are slightly longer than what would be considered as average. On both his shoulders, he has peculiar V-shaped Tattoos which point downwards to his arms, and there are also similar tattoos on the outer side of his thighs as well. His body is typically Arian, pale white skin covering up his flesh and bones and a mess of platinum blonde hair which seeks nothing more than to annoy him by getting in his eyes or acting as if he’s constantly static. His body is relatively hairless apart from the usual places due to the onset of puberty although he does have some hair on his cheeks attempting to become blonde sideburns. Jack’s eyes are a pale yellow/gray colour and when a torch is shown to his face, they actually glow bright yellow like a cat’s eyes. His head is slightly triangular in shape. Jack’s face is what someone would describe as youthfully handsome, if one could get over the fact that he always seems to be confused or scowling. This natural expression of his is due to his above average heavy brow and relatively thick eyebrows. His nose is rather softly angled than sharp and has a gentle curve towards it. His mouth has rather thin lips and whenever he smiles, it’s hard to miss the likeness he has to a wolf grinning – a fact that’s also not helped by the fact that his incisors are unusually sharp.

That's a lot of wordstuffs for one paragraph. There was no space for breath at times so I had to double-take at a few sentences. For the aesthetics, I'd recommend looking through this paragraph and separating it into one or two more complete full paragraphs. As well, the voice through me off a little too, though I just think it is more due to the block of text that can be separated into another paragraph.

You start off the description fine, however when you come to the word "wirily," what do you mean? I do not believe there is any close word in English that represents this word, unless it is a typo. I think you meant something along the lines of "wire." However wires can be quite durable and strong, though they also appear thin and frail.

Also, Arian? Arian is a race in terms of Racial science, but it is not a cultural race, nor is it regional. More so a spiritual race representing the "Angels." There's much more on the Aryans, the whole philosophy behind it. I believe it is defined as European descendant, with no Jewish blood. So basically what you are suggesting is that your person is European. Also including all of Russia, Anglo-America, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, and southern South America. Basically where the "Caucasian" dwells. So saying one is Aryan is rather generic, simply saying they are Caucasian, maybe with the blue eyes, blond hair.

Besides those two points, I found description rather descriptive in detail.


Jack’s outfit is crazily bright and relatively simple. He wears a pair of plain orange three-quarter lengths along with a plain yellow t-shirt. More often than not, he has a cheap mp3 in his three-quarter lengths pocket as he likes to listen to fast paced music when he runs. On his feet, he wears an old pair of trainers which are well worn out so no visible make can be seen on it, but very comfy – however Jack hates wearing socks. He also wears a plain purple jacket which has a large hood on it. He also has a pair of sunglasses which are perched on top of his head when its sunny. When it gets colder, Jack swaps his shorts for a pair of striped jeans and his purple jacket for an electric blue hoodie. On his hands, he likes wearing a pair of black fingerless gloves. Lastly, he has a cheap little metal lightning bolt attached to some string around his neck.

Found the clothing description acceptable.

Personality: Jack is incredibly skittish and is quite impulsive and he gets these urges to just run and dodge and hide away from everyone like something’s after him. He doesn’t mean to sometimes, but Jack is often very instinctive and when something doesn’t feel right to him, he doesn’t do it and gets away as fast as he can. He can often be found in a daydream-like state as he walks around, although that’s just an illusion as he’s actually focussing attentively on his surroundings trying to absorb everything at once, like the sound of his feet on the pavement, the voices of others, the vibrations of traffic, the sound of sea birds and other little things. He’s quite hard to get into a conversation with and everyone always thinks he’s being very nonchalant and distant or he has somewhere else to be as his body naturally keeps away from close contact with other people and he avoids making eye contact.

Much in this paragraph was clutter, as in, not needed. Though besides that, I found the start of the personality acceptable.

If someone managed to engage his attention, many people quickly notice his wit and sharpness at picking up things. It appears that Jack may have a photographic memory and is a very quick learner. However, if you try and directly ask him a specific question, Jack can become very guarded and private and would rather dodge the question. The one close connection he does have, Ms Parry, he is completely open with and trusts her completely, and he often doesn’t mind spending a couple of hours just nattering to her, since he has no one else he feels like he can open up to.

Ms Parry? Hmmm. nattering? hmmm. Nattering, a word I am unfamiliar with. Else I find it acceptable.

While Jack can be far away emotively, he is in fact claustrophobic to such an extent that he can’t be in a lift without having panic attacks or generally being in a confined place with a roof over his head makes him nervous. In contrast, nothing pleases him more than the magic that are storms and whenever it rains heavily, Jack likes nothing better to do than get out of whatever he’s doing and run back home and head to the roof and just stand there enjoying the rain on his head and to see if there’s any lightning to flash overhead.

Some of that could be considered clutter. However this is acceptable.


Origin: [Insert Origin Text here]

Okay, well first off, first person narrative is a turn off to me, personally. Not a fan of it unless it is done correctly. Many starting authors opt to do first person, thinking it is the easiest, and fail to do it correctly. When doing a narrative like this, you don't want to focus on "I" every sentence, but the surroundings, what is sensed, what is perceived. Also, in the format you wrote, the starting sentence paragraphs should be in italics, unless you put "I thought..." Also, first person does not mix well when other people are using third person. You do first person rather well, however, the more I read it. Just, during the actual RPG, if you get accepted, I'd suggest more going third person, preferably. You also are missing some words and are fragmented throughout the origin, such as "a couple of picture of her and a an on the walls,". Other than this, I found your Origin acceptable.

Miscellaneous: Due to the beast within, Jack can run fast. And I mean VERY fast. To Jack, to run is like to glide over the ground and the feel of the air hitting his face is one of the best feelings he’s experienced after that one occasion which he’ll never tell anyone where he got struck by lightning when he was out in a thunderstorm once. Oh, and Jack likes cats. A lot. And they also like him as well. Whenever he walks into a house with cats, or even an alleyway, cats seem to flock to him and rub themselves around his legs begging for a good scratch.

Misc. Acceptable. What's with people and cats, meh-boo >.> Dogs for the win!

Aura: Jack’s aura is quite jolty and tied heavily to his emotions. When he’s feeling emotional, such as when he has a claustrophobic panic attack or ecstatic such as in the middle of a thunderstorm, to whose which can visibly see his aura, his body radiates an inconsistent random pulses of electric blue/florescent yellow volts of miniature lightning all across his body. Other effects which can occur when he’s charged up is that his body can actually become slightly static and electronic appliances and mains can flicker and possibly short circuit. When he’s very happy, his eyes also seem to glow with an iridescent life of their own – although one would only notice that in the dark.

Aura description appropriate.

When not in “excited”, his past form has very minimal effects which single him out to be abnormal. Physically, he has slightly heightened senses such as sight, sound and taste. He is less prone to cold or heat and Jack never seems to be able to catch a cold at all. Furthermore, he doesn’t seem to sweat either, even after he runs excessively. Jack has great stamina when it comes to running, but this appears to be limited to that alone – he can barely make 10 press-ups without collapsing out of breath and aching. An interesting thing of note, when Jack runs, his tattoos on his shoulders (and possibly his thighs, he doesn’t know as he hasn’t been running in the light naked) seem to become sharper and more visible to the eye and sometimes, they seem to lengthen a bit as well. To another legend’s eye, he has the slightest of slight pale yellow glow around his body and his aura billows out like a darker stormy cape of the colour of the hoodie or jacket he’s wearing. His pale yellow glow also leaves a hardly noticeable trail behind him like a jagged tail as well.

The Aura is appropriate, except the 'no sweating' part. There needs to be some ventilation system for him to cool off, and not to sweat is not human, and can be fatal. I understand the creativity behind it, dogs don't sweat. However you should include a ventilation system his body uses if he does not sweat, something that cools off his body.

Razor Shiftry:

Overall, your sign up is acceptable. However, there were some faults in it, as well as the voice within it, that could use work. I could tell it was written way late at night with a tired mind. So if you could do a second review of your sign up and fix things up, that would be nice. There were some major points of flaw I pointed out to bring to attention. I hope you take them into consideration. So for now, I am to give you an

ACCEPTED!. Which means you are accepted once the changes are made. Thank you for your interest.

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GM Note:

Things came up in real life last night, dealing with some overwork and drama with peoples. As well, went to my cousin's Sectional Game. So now I can promise within the week. I can treat Articuno as a LSU, and post the start within tomorrow (hopefully.) Life's been busy the past few weeks for me. That and an evil internet server which cuts off my internet at times when I'm free with time. So, those who are waiting, my apologies, the fates have me quite busy at this time.

Though I can't have this killed after much effort and quality has been done with the participants. So I am trying to bring life to it!

-------------------------------------------
Mew - Reserved until March 7th, 11:55 pm EST
Deoxies - Reserved until March 10th, 5:21 pm EST
 

jahz

Banned
I believe Celebi should still be available.
Heres my Sample, its actually an extract from a fan-fic im writing, hope that counts. But i warn you its Pg15.

Prologue: Number 14.

The cramped room was dark and humid. A small electric fan span lazily around as it hung from the ceiling, doing little to stop the festering heat. Feeble rays of light drifting through various pockmarked cracks in the walls dimly lit the room. In the corner of the room, half-lit in the gloomy shadows, sat the hunched figure of a bedraggled middle-aged man. His greasy wiry hair hung in a tangled mess, obscuring his eyes. With his head bent low, and his body limply slung over a flickering computer screen, most would assume he was dead. Blood poured freely from a gash in his shoulder, the shirt he was wearing was bloody and barely anything but tattered rags, his jeans were faded and ripped, grazed feet with chipped, jagged toenails swept lazily across the floor. The rhythmic humming of the fan was disrupted by violent tremors from a passing train, as the shanty room shook alarmingly the man’s gaze did not stray from the screen.

He stopped typing and lolled his head back, staring emptily at the cracked ceiling. Blood dribbled from the corner of his mouth as a low groan escaped the haggard figure. He was in a sorry state; he knew that he was where he should be. And he knew, that it had something to do with the computer placed in front of him, but he didn’t know where he was, or who he was, or how he’d come to be there. Once again he looked to the ceiling, searching his brain for the elusive answers, but nothing would come. He rubbed weathered hands through his greying hair, it was driving him mad. He’d pace up and down the room, punching through the plastered walls and throwing himself against the small lockers which lined them. He resumed his position on the crumbling woven seat, interlocking his thumbs he let out a deep cry of anguish, as he rested his head between his legs. There was a loud crash of thunder overhead as the relentless pounding of rain began.

He daren’t move, each time he tried to remember, he slipped further into madness, darkness shrouded his mind. An icy veil cast over his precious memories, cruel images would briefly reveal themselves before once again being swamped by the darkness. The rusty roof of the shack was a pathetic shelter from the rain drumming relentlessly above him. Hot tears trickled slowly down his cheeks, mixing with the mud and rain. The filthy water dribble down his body, he didn't care. What had he got left, a house? No. A family? He couldn't remember them. Memories continued to distress him, coming back, teasing him. Lulling him into the awful darkness.

His arm was burning, itching furiously as the infested water cruised through the various minor injuries he'd sustained. He couldn't help it, scratching furiously to stop the itching. It wouldn't stop, he clawed harder desperate to stop the maddening pain in his arm. "What am I doing?" he gasped, "look at me. What have I become?" He ceased scratching, slumping back into the chair holding his head in his hands. He was no longer crying, yet still warm liquid was dribbling down his arm. "What the?" he murmured to nobody in particular. "Sh*t!" He cried. "Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!" Across his forearm were a series of deep gashes; symbols etched into his skin." What the f*ck!"
How had they got there? Had they always been there? Why didn't he notice before? Turning his head he examined them more closely, after a couple of minutes intensely scrutinising the wounds he found, when aligned at the correct angle they seemed to form a sentence. He read it aloud to himself... “Number 14.”
 
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