Gold Sliver Crystal to MT. Sliver Battle with Champion Red

[Gym Leader Jasmine]

My second fanfic have all new ideas for chapter hope you like it



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As gold sliver and crystal head together to Mt. Sliver as They recap on their adventures and How they got there gym badges from johto and kanto how fun it was to battle gym leader and beat the elite four. All of them battle hard and train hard to get to this point. They decide to go to Mt. Sliver to Mt. Sliver cave and train hard for the pokemon league it was held every 2 year so they train hard to hope they'll win. They made it through the dark cave and tough pokemon gravler, goldbat, battle them each way they turn it seems to never end. Finally got to the last point it was dark in the rest of the cave but at the end of the cave it was bright and there was a path to the plato when they made it. Gold, sliver, Crystal, made it to top of the stair way to the Plato were they saw none other than Red Champion of kanto and johto Champion of the pokemon league and he Defeated the elite four ! Gold sliver Crystal were stun and shock they ask what he was doing here and he said nothing just
..................... Then red ask do you all want to battle 3 on 1 gold, sliver, crystal,? crystal said that this is a once in a life time chance to battle red! Red ask to chose your pokemon and then the battle begin! Gold, sliver, crystal, use all there pokemon (because red said it was ok) so gold, sliver, crystal, used typhlosion, aipom, mantine, remoraid, sudowoodo, sunflora, feraligatr, kingdra, sneasel, gyarados, ursaring, murkrow, meganium, natu, smoochum,hitmonchan, parasect, and arcanine. The pokemon they chose came out all together and were tough pokemon to beat! But red had strong team also. So red decide to chose espeon, snorlax, pikachu, blastoise, venusaur, and charizard. They all were tough pokemon to beat. Red pokemon used all one attack on gold, sliver, crystal, pokemon espeon psychic, snorlax body slam, pikachu thunder, blastoise surf/blizzard, venusaur solarbeam, Charizard flamethrower,. They couldn't make a move all beaten with one attack! The attack was so strong and they couldn't even dodge or make a attack! It was so fast that they met there match then there pokemon all whited out. Gold, sliver, crystal, all went back to the pokemon center to rest. Gold, sliver, and crystal, decide to train hard to beat Champion Red one day also to win the pokemon league as they left Mt sliver to train hard for the pokemon league and to beat a strong opponent and be as strong as him as they travel the road.
The End

 

[qwerqwer]

too short. read advice in author cafe. seriously need work

 

[DigitalKaede]

Jeez, If you want to make a good fic:

1. USE PARENTHESES for pete's sake when saying SOMETHING!
2. Commas, Capitals, and Periods are your friends.
3. Needs to be LONGER!
4. Description!
5. Grammar helps.

Next time, type this out on a word processor, not in the reply box.

 

[Astinus]

Oh snap. Can I just ask what the heck happened in that story? It made my headache worse...

Seriously... I don't think a lot can be done to help this fic. Better grammar and language would be a great place to start...

And oh yeah. Read the stickies, please? And learn from others, okay? It helps. So does listening to others' criticism. It makes you a better writer.

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

As Gold, Silver and Crystal head to Mt. Silver together, they recap on their adventures, how they got their gym badges from Johto and Kanto and how fun it was to battle gym leaders and beat the Elite Four. All of them battled hard and train hard to get to this point.

They decided to go to Mt. Silver and the Mt. Silver cave and train hard for the Pokemon League that was held every two years.

So they trained hard, hoping they'll win.

They made it through the dark cave with tough pokemon battling them every way they turned so seemed endless.

Finally, they got to the last point. It was dark in the rest of the cave but at the end of the last of cave, it was bright.

Gold, Silver and Crystal made it to top of the stair way and out onto the Plateau where they saw none other than Red, Champion of Kanto and Johto! Gold, Silver and Crystal were stunned and shocked. They asked him what he was doing there but he said nothing.

Then Red asked,

"Do you all want to battle three on one?"

Gold, Silver and Crystal agreed and Gold and Siliver said that they would win... but they were wrong.

Red asked them to choose their pokemon and then the battle began.

Gold decide to use Typhlosion, Aipom, Mantine, Remoraid, Sudowoodo and Sunflora. Sliver used Feraligatr, Kingdra, Sneasel, Gyarados, Ursaring and Murkrow. Crystal used Meganium, Natu, Smoochum, Hitmonchan, Parasect and Arcanine.

The pokemon they chose came out all together so Red decided to choose Espeon, Snorlax, Pikachu, Blastoise, Venusaur and Charizard. They all were tough pokemon to beat. Red's pokemon all used one attack on Gold, Silver Crystal's pokemon. Espeon used Psychic, Snorlax used Body Slam, Pikachu used Thunder, Blastoise used Surf and Blizzard, Venusaur used Solarbeam and Charizard used Flamethrower.

Gold, Silver and Crystal couldn't make a move - they were all beaten with one attack! The attack was so strong and they couldn't even dodge the attack - it was so fast that they met their match then they all whited out.

Gold, Silver and Crystal all went back to the pokemon center to rest. Gold, Silver and Crystal decide to train hard to beat Champion Red one day. They will be strong, they said as they left Mt Silver to train hard for the pokemon league and to beat a strong opponent named Champion Red.
The End

And THAT is approximately how your story might look once the conventions of spelling/grammar/punctuation are applied to it. And now on to the proper review.

Whoah. The action you've got here is amazing. You've obviously got a flair for drama and excitement - that's a fantastic thing to have as an author, so count yourself lucky. And don't forget to be careful with how you use that skill. When you're picturing really fast, cool action scenes, it can be all to easy to put down the things that stand out most to you, but remember that your readers won't be able to see the rest of what you're seeing. Yeah, it can slow down the action from your point of view, but describing what things look like ('things' meaning pokemon attacks, the way pokemon look when they move, the expressions and body language of your characters (both human and pokemon) and, to some extent, the scenery) can really build a stronger mental picture in your readers' minds. It adds depth characters and the story they're in.

How to go about it? Think about what you see in your mind as you write. From the rather visual style you've used, I'm guessing you have a rather detailed visual imagination - that's an incredible advantage here, so use it! Tell your readers what you're seeing. What do your characters look like (forget about what clothes they're wearing - that gets boring - and perhaps give some info about what height and build they are. Are they tall and thin? Tall and heavy? Average height and rather plump? Short and chubby? It's up to you, but remember to let your readers know what you decide!)

And finally, try to do something about those spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes - when the simple act of reading becomes hard on your readers, it's almost understandable that they'd get cranky. Keep in mind that potential readers may come across your story, decide it's too much effort to decipher and simply hit the 'back' button. Cause of this, it's in an author's own interests to make their story as reader friendly as possible. Yes, Spellcheckers can help, but they're not the only option. I recommend getting a beta reader - someone who knows how to spell and use grammar/punctuation correctly who can proof read your work before you post it and edit out any mistakes. Just ask someone who you know can do the job well. ^^

Eh, you seem like a sensible sort of person who's willing to make an effort to improve. My congratulations - that alone is a sign of maturity. ^^ So please, put your skills to good use. Take the time to convey your ideas to your readers - it's one thing to have fantastic ideas, but if your readers can't understand what you're talking about or if something gets in their way of enjoying hearing about them, there's a problem.

Anyway, best of luck and fun to you! If you want anything in this review expanded upon or explained, or if you want anything else in your story commented on, let me know!

Piney.
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