HeartBroken Again and Again (CS)

[Arista]

This is my first review, so if it sucks, sorry! u.u

Soon, only Mrs. Sorell was left in the room. However, the room looked a lot darker than it actually was, even though the lights were still on.

“Fake?” the teacher repeated, dropping to her knees. “They… FAKED it?! LIES!!! I even have proof of the real thing on tape!”

Mrs. Sorell quickly picked herself up and hurried to the tech center where the recorded tapes of the play were.

“Ha! Even if my own students lie to me, technology cannot lie to me!!!” grinned Mrs. Sorell as she pushed a few buttons and watched the screen.
However, the screen did not show what she wanted to see – that being a fake kiss.

“LIES!!!” cried Mrs. Sorell, as she wept bitterly in front of the screen.

Poor Mrs. Sorell, thinking the kiss was real. Though, you gotta appreciate her efforts to get them together. Ahaha, she'll probaby come back for revenge at the Christmas dance. (didn't they say that the drama teacher was hosting it?) O_O

I love how you made the whole room seem blue/dark when Mrs. Sorrel was sad. I feel that way sometimes, too.

That line is a bit repetitive, maybe you could write it as: "Ha! Even if the students lie to me, technology will show the truth!" or something like that.

Scenario 1:

“The kiss was fake. Drew and I aren’t together,” confessed May.

There was a tense and unbearable silence.

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!” roared an angry Misty, with flames shooting from her mouth. “HOW DARE YOU DECEIVE ME AND ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE WATCHING YOU ON THAT STAGE?!?! YOU SHOULD BE BANNED FROM ACTING! I’LL NEVER LET YOU ACT WITH DREW AGAIN, IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!”

“Nooo! Don’t eat me!” cried May, cowering in fear.

May shuddered and almost cried at the thought.

I love all the scenarios, although this one is probably the most in-character one for Misty. Misty's a man-eating fire Pokemon! I'd be scared out of my mind!

Well, the line is okay, but May almost crying from that is a bit OOC. All in all, it really illustrates the fact that Misty is an over-reacting person.

Scenario 2:

“The kiss was fake. Drew and I aren’t together,” confessed May.

Misty fell to her knees, her eyes filled with shock and welling with tears.

“Mist? You okay?” asked May.

“I… (sob)… can’t believe… (sob)… you two would do this to me!” sobbed Misty, gasping for breath in between her cries.

“Listen, Misty. I’m really sorry-”

“No! Don’t say anymore! There’s no more point in living if you two aren’t together!” Misty cried.

“What are you saying, Mist?” asked May.

“I can’t live in a world where you two aren’t together!” bursted Misty

“But… you’ve been doing that just fine before the play…”

“No! Say no more! Tell Ash that I’m sorry. Goodbye, May,” said Misty, as she ran out of the mall.

“Wait! Misty!” yelled May.

Is Misty really that melodramatic, thought May. Well, you can’t be too safe.

Nuuuu! Emo Misty! (Although it was still funny.) I wonder what would've happened to her afterwards. Misty's character isn't lke that, I think the 1st scenario reflects her personality the best.

I only saw a very simple error, probably a typo, but change the comma after melodramatic to a question mark.

Scenario 3:


“The kiss was fake. Drew and I aren’t together,” confessed May.

“Oh, well that’s just dandy!” said Misty. “I’m sorry for giving you so much trouble, May. Honest, I am.”

“No, it’s okay…” said May, feeling weirded out.

“Well, let’s just enjoy our time shopping together and then we can go eat all the fudge we want!” chirped Misty.

“Yay!” said May, as she and Misty skipped along, through the mall.

That sounds pretty good, dreamed May, but that’s also pretty creepy on Misty’s part…

Sigh, if only that could happen. But that's way too OOC for Misty. In May's dreams! xD But then the whole plot would be ruined if Misty wasn't so pushy about May and Drew's relationship.

Well, at least it’s over for the next four years or so. I’m just gonna wear this set of clothes for all the school dances. I don’t think I can go through that torture again,” said Ash.

“For once, that’s smart thinking, Ash,” said Drew.

“Yup, that’s me. Smart Ash,” grinned Ash. “Anyways, I’m starved. Let’s go to the food court!”

“You go on ahead. I still have to do some other Christmas shopping,” sighed Drew.

“Being the smart one here, let me give you some advice Drew: DON’T DO IT! You still have a life to live, man!” reasoned Ash.

Drew rolled his eyes and walked away. “I’ll see you later, genius.”

“Well, it was nice knowing you! I’ll give you a nice eulogy!” shouted Ash, making sure Drew could hear him.

Omgosh, Ash actually thought of something! And I was surprised to find that Ash knew what "Eulogy" meant. Wow, Ash is always thinking about food.

Once May was gone, Drew gave his attention to his shopping bag and took out a black box. He opened it and carefully took out a necklace – a locket, to be more precise – with a red rose.

“I definitely know you too well,” agreed Drew, as he put May’s present back in its box.

Ohhhhhh... I can't wait for the dance/Christmas! I'd love to see May's reaction when she receives the gift from Drew!


I kind of reviewed this a little late, but oh well. This was a great chapter! It was hilarious and made me burst out laughing! There were only a few simple grammatical mistakes, but that doesn't hinder the story. Sorry for being nitpicky! You really have writing skill, Genkiness! Keep up the good work! I can't wait for the dance!!


-Arista ;196;

 

[CoordinatingMaster]

I love what you wrote so far. I can't believe the kiss was fake but it was clever of May to think of that. I kinda got the feeling that Drew bought the necklace that May wanted. Anyways can I be added to the PM list?

 

[Haruka Kinomiya]

Hey! Where have you been? I've been waiting for the next chapter for, what seems like, a million years! I hope that everything's okay and you're doing fine. Update soon if you can. <3

 

[Flame Mistress]

This fix is… truly awesome. Almost five years, and still unfinished… It's a masterpiece!
I loved the whole play part. Did you really make that up? Cuz I think it was flawless!
Your grammar and spelling was almost perfect, and the plot itself is wonderful. Keep it up!
P.S. Plz add me to your PM list! Waiting for the next update! (Who knows, this fix could go on until about fifty pages…)

 

[Encyclopika]

To whoever keeps reporting this for bumping - stop it. It says clearly in the rules that reviews can be posted until the end of time as long as they aren't spam. The above is a review.

 

[~xSerenityx~]

Omg, this is amazing! It took me 4 days just to read it you should change the names (for copyrite and stuff) and send it off to a publisher. also, can I please be on your PM list? I can't wait for the next chapter!

 

[legend_trainer]

wow!

i have been reading this fic whenever i can not get in trouble/not get caught, and i have to admit, this is probbly my favorite fic i have read so far. i have told a few of the lines to some of my teachers at my school when i was able to, and they have laughed some to . just curious, what is the estimate for update, to me it probably won't matter since i will probably check here regardless, but i just want a general sense of when (i am very inquisitive...). you are (in my opinion) one of the better writers i have encountered.
i do agree tht this would make a good book worth submitting to a publisher. the spoiler also has me waiting with anticipation.

ps: can i be on the pm list?

cheers, still impressed ~C~

________________________
(this is my first post ever!!!)

 

[luvallpokemon]

this is an awesome story!!!!!! I was so drawn into it, I stayed up until 3 AM.
You really bring out their inner characters. This is one ship I strongly believe in. I was just wondering, when will you be finished?

 

[kyogreblue3]

i have to say . . . THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST EVER CONTESTSHIPPING STORIES I'VE READ!!!!!! I read it until i was finished with it, cuz i couldn't stop! when will you finish the chapter with the dance? you have a ton of commenters waiting for it!

 

[eeveelutionlove]

The kiss was fake?!?!?!?! Aww, and I was all squealing like a fangirl after I read that they kissed. Oh well, it's more entertaining. ^^ Hahahahaha, May is so dramatic and exaggerates everything!! So funny. Can't wait for other update. Can I be on PM list???

 

[HeartlessBlueAngel448]

It's been quite a while since the last time I read this fanfic and posted a review for it. I was feeling rather nostalgic for contestshipping fanfics and yours was the one that popped into my head and I felt a need to reread it. It's such a cute story, I love the little moments between May and Drew and that they stay true to their anime counterparts, it reminds me of my own time in high school, coincidentally while these chapters were initially released.

I am sad that this story never seemed to have continued on from when I last saw it 9+ years ago, but life gets in the way for everyone, eh? Anyway, whether or not you're still active, Genkiness, I really enjoyed reading your story again