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Here I sit

Discussion in 'Non-Pokémon Stories' started by katiekitten, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise

    Here I Sit

    [it's too bad your lonely, 'cause I'm alright as long as i'm with you]


    The moon sank a bloody red into the horizon, barely visible through its shreds of clouds, peeking over the fringes of the trees that swayed in the frozen night air. Sakura watched it quietly from her perch on a low slung branch, the wood cool against her palm, her feet idly swaying in the cool night air.

    It was almost silent, save for their breathing.

    She had always been known as a stickler for details. She noticed the slight tremble in a patient’s hand that warned of a fever – she spotted the fear in a child’s eyes during their annual vaccinations. She noted the catch in her heartbeat as he straddled the branch beside her.

    A breeze filtered through the tree’s leaves, brushing his matted blond hair farther over his covered left eye.

    “It’s bloomin’ cold, yeah.” He gave a tired sigh and shifted in his seat, a shiver running visibly down his back. She dragged her eyes from the moon to glance at him and smiled wryly, her own shoulders hunched against the cold.

    “No kidding.”

    She wrapped her arms briskly around her legs, drawing them closer to her and looked out again, separate strands of hair slipping from behind her ears. The moon was beautiful, albeit slightly morbid, and truly the sight fascinated her. Harvest moons, to her knowledge, were rare, and she appreciated the chance to see one, especially on such a clear night.

    And with him beside her.

    Goose bumps rippled across her skin as she suddenly felt the warmth of his body just inches from her arm, the blonde suddenly leaning back on his hands to follow her gaze, his shirt brushing lightly by her elbow. He blinked slowly at the sky, features contemplative, before his face promptly twisted into unimpressed dismissal and he flopped backwards, purposely overdramatic. She laughed at the reaction, resting her chin against her drawn knees. She knew he was never one for the classics. Hanging his head back, he met her gaze upside down, his visible eye twinkling slightly in the half light.

    “This is what you dragged me all the way up here for?” he complained softly. “’S not exactly a carnival.”

    She ignored him pointedly in response, a small smile nevertheless tweaking the corners of her lips. That smile slowly faded as her gaze was caught up in the sky once more. He glanced at her face as the clearing grew silent again, features smooth as he simply gazed at her, unseen, before he looked up as well. Hidden in the shadows, his hand shifted that little bit closer to hers, the sound swallowed by the rustle of the wind in the leaves.

    They sat there in silence as the moon drew slowly higher into the sky.

    end.



    A challenge set for me by my dear sister, after spotting a particularly large harvest moon (in the middle of spring - I probably got the name wrong. xD). To write a deisaku containing said moon to the song 'here I sit' by the All American Rejects with no fluff.

    As I got 'cute' as a response, I don't think I succeeded in the latter. xD

    (Deisaku = Deidara x Sakura, two characters from the series Naruto who have formally met only in fanfiction, but obviously you don't need to know them to enjoy the story, as it's just a... i don't know. A quiet [soppy] moment in a relationship? It is a crack pairing, but I can't help but love it. x3)

    Happy Easter, dears. x3 I am still alive, if only vaguely.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2009
  2. Yonowaru in Chaos

    Yonowaru in Chaos gaspard de la nuit

    For some reason, a grammatical analysis seemed trivial for this, so I'll just comment that you only missed out on a few commas and such and such.

    Praise also seems to be trivial because it is something I find very hard to voice out (type out) to make it seem like I mean it, so I'll just say I like it very much (because I really do - I just can't find the words to comment Dx).

    If there is ever some following up to this, I hope the harvest moon was a foreshadowing of morbidity 8D

    Sorry for such an insignificant comment.
     
  3. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise

    *squishes* Sorry about the wait, Yonowaru, and thank you! Your response is not insignificant at all, I'm just glad you liked it, even though I killed it a little with all of the description. xD; I probably will write a sequel at some point... And the moon? *cackles* ;D
     
  4. duncan

    duncan Well-Known Member

    How did I miss this?

    Very good, very good. I almost seem to enjoy your short one-shots more than your longer stuff, just because these are always so nicely done altogether. I don't know about how you did...it wasn't exactly free of fluff...but then again romance was toned down for sure.

    It might have been intentional, but you repeated 'barely visible' twice. You might have been going for something there, though, so it's not that big of deal.

    As far as I know not isn't a contraction of anything.

    Small things aside, I definitely enjoyed this. Good job. Be sure to let me know next time, though. XD
     
  5. katiekitten

    katiekitten The Compromise

    *glomps duncan* I'm sorry for taking so long to respond! Thank you so much, luffy~ *squishes* I'm glad you liked it. x3

    x3 That's part of the reason I enjoy writing them a lot- they're so much fun to conclude. :x I'm glad I managed to monitor the fluff - I have a tendency to go overboard sometimes.

    xDDDD How did I miss that? *edits* First sentence for the win. :x

    And I fixed up the not part - it's supposed to be a squashing of 'it's not', but I screwed it up a little. Hopefully fixed?

    I WILL let you know next time, and I'm sorry for taking so long to respond to you. xD; I'm off to read blazing dreams, now. Consider it penance. *squishes and dodges brick*
     

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