Gah! Sorry I'm so late with reviewing, but I haven't been here in ages! D:
Anyways, I enjoyed the storyline. I remember that it had much potential, and so far, I've really enjoyed it.
This chapter was great, lots of humor, quirky characters, and so on. Sometimes, I spy run-on sentences, but they're inserted wherever a character speaks, I've noticed, so it seems to work alright. The dialouge gets clunky and awkward at times, sometimes it seems a bit out-of-character to me, but I can see where it's coming from, and after I re-read it, it seems alright.
Anyways, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter!