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Heroes After All

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Umbramatic, Jan 30, 2018.

  1. Sike Saner

    Sike Saner Peace to the Mountain

    Keep staring at it for a few more turns and it'll float away.

    Oh god. Yeah there's... there's pretty much no way that isn't actually something nasty.

    YEP, NASTY. :p God, and with the goodra stuff in there, you KNOW it's probably all gross and viscous on top of everything else.

    QUICK, TO THE BURN WARD

    Why did I read that as "psyduck". DON'T PSYDUCK AARON, BRO.

    For some reason I always forget that clawitzer has heal pulse access. Gosh that thing's cool.

    Okay, I know he expressed a fondness for human toys, but I fully suspect he digs cat toys, too. :B

    Heh. I wonder if that's an upgrade or a downgrade from her usual spell...

    Aaaand yep, totally read that as "Fomantis" at first. :B


    Also! The Mountain Keeper is a badass and I love her. :D
     
  2. Chibi Pika

    Chibi Pika Stay positive

    Yooo, I've only been saying I'd review this for like, what, a year? Gah! Time to fix that:

    Chapter 1:
    Ooh, now there's a cool way to refer to the Ultimate Weapon firing. (Also I'm amused because my Rayquaza in PoGo is named Skybreaker.)
    He's... precious...
    Just a quick heads up, since I noticed you do this a lot with dialogue, but since these two lines a have the same speaker, you can combine them. It's totally fine to have small actions come between spoken word and still have them in the same paragraph if they're the same speaker. Splitting them kind of prepares the mind for a new speaker, so it can be a bit jarring for it to be the same person then.
    oh my god. xD
    A longer example of what I mentioned above, but these four lines would all work fine as one paragraph. The only time I'd put a paragraph break between two lines of the same speaker is if the stage directions go on for a few sentences and we need to 're-establish the speaker, if that makes sense.
    Oh cool, I hadn't thought about the idea of aura being used for more moves than just the Aura Spheres we saw in the movie.
    maaaaaybe they should have tried this example outside. xD
    Ooh, I think it'd be cool if we got a bit more description on Aaron here. This is a big turning point for him, so seeing his expression/body language could really show off his determination.
    Oh! It's Ginji! I might've mentioned it before since I did read this chapter last year, but I really like that you brought him into this.

    Chapter 2:
    Ahh, I see, I like the fact that you've expanded on this, and I think it'll be cool to learn more about how these powers work in humans.
    She is... not even in the remote area of messing around, is she? xD (also, typo on dormitory)
    "You messed up a perfectly good monkey mon. Look at it. It's got anxiety."
    Ah, I love it when fics go into the balance between human and Pokemon, and I'd love to learn more about the Vow later on.
    Huh! So is he not the Ginji I was thinking of, or is this just a cover story for him being a human-turned-Pokemon?

    Chapter 3:
    These kids are gonna be talking like sailors within days. xD
    "stabby" sahjfghfskgfds
    The funny thing is that he was a freak at home because of his powers, but everyone here has powers, so like... he hasn't actually done anything out of the ordinary here.
    Okay, this on the other hand kinda stands out. xD
    Ouch, he doesn't even get a demonstration first.
    Oh! So he actually felt some of the damage physically. I was expecting him to feel the emotions of the prey which, uh... would be a lot more rough. I'm kinda surprised he handled this as well as he did! Is it just that he hasn't really gotten a chance to consider that the prey is just as thinking and feeling as he is?
    idk but Lucario vs Blaziken doesn't seem like the best matchup. :V

    Kinda surprised Ginji's family hasn't gone off on their own by now! Seeing as there pretty much doesn't seem to be anything in it for them by staying with this pack.
    welp. Rest in pepperonis. :T Although something tells me that if the others see signs of fire they're gonna blame it on Ginji, even if it obviously couldn't be him...

    I should be able to get to chapters 4-6 later this week!

    ~Chibi~
     
  3. canisaries

    canisaries sometimes i get a deadache, yeah

    Hi there! I was itching for something new to read, and since you've replied to a couple of my fics, I figured I may as well return the favor by checking this out. I was hesitant before given I don't follow the anime and have never seen the movie starring the character in focus here, but after some googling, there doesn't seem to be any super complex lore that would get in the way of my understanding. Anyway, I've read up to Chapter 3 now, and I think I wanna give some thoughts.

    The beginning picks up very quickly, and the pacing continues to be quite fast. I'm a fan of fast beginnings as they're more successful in hooking me, but from there onward, I feel like the story could benefit a lot from stopping and smelling the flowers, so to speak. There's quite little description when it comes to the environment. I'm not saying you should list every detail in each new setting or anything, but I think just a little description would help make the scenes more vivid and the world more alive. Things like what material walls or floors are made of, where the lighting comes from, what the weather is like, what plants there are, what sounds can you hear, so on. An advantage of describing scenery is also being able to show how the protagonist and other characters react to it, building character at the same time. For example, this was done when Aaron arrived at the monastery and felt small before it.

    Regarding the characters, we've gotten a few so far, though haven't had a chance to get to know them too well in this little time yet. From what I've seen, though, they appear consistent and distinct, so props for that - well, Polly's behavior changes dramatically when she's teaching the children, but as this is acknowledged in-universe it feels intentional and that there's an explanation we just don't know yet at this stage. However, Louis' introduction did give off a more aggressive vibe than seemed to fit his behavior later. It might be due to the capitalized YOU making it seem like he shouted the word instead of simple emphasis, which I'm used to seeing italicized.

    Anyway, I have mixed feelings about the Aura Guardians - they don't really seem too into their jobs as herding and teaching children and whatnot. This could be because they've been forced into that position out of duty or lack of actually willing staff which would be a case of subtle worldbuilding, but if it's not that, it really makes one question why they're hired.

    Speaking of worldbuilding, though, I'm interested in there being multiple types of Aura like that. I don't know if that was a thing from the movie Aaron is from or if it's an original idea of yours, but it's got me curious to see just how those types manifest and what techniques they offer. There's also the yet unanswered question of what exactly these Aura Guardians are guarding, and what they're guarding it from. Also I love love love the origin of the pokéball symbol.

    Then for some technical notes and quote-specific commentary:

    Closing quotation mark is missing.

    Polly misspelled here? Unless Polly is a nickname of Poly?

    Mmm, may be better to write it out as "okay" in speech. Fits better in the setting, I think.

    aaaaa its kars oh gosh oh frick

    Small note - when the word "blue-green" is used, does it mean there's both blue and green distinctly in there, or does it mean a hue that's midway between the two? Because if the latter, words like "cyan" and "teal" or even "azure" may be what you want. If the former, just ignore me lol

    In chapters 2 and 3, I noticed that instead of just one empty line between paragraphs, there's two. I'm guessing that's an error, as I know that occasionally happens when copypasting to the editor. It's not too bad in the end, but I think that formatting like italics and so on also tend to be lost when that error happens, so you probably ought to double check if it does that. What I actually do myself to fix this issue is open up a blank text document (.txt), paste my chapter there and then copy and paste it back. For whatever reason it gets rid of the extra line breaks (I think it has something to do with old invisible ASCII characters being misinterpreted?), but it also does definitely get rid of formatting. However, to be able to recover from stuff like this at will, I mark each italicized or otherwise specially formatted sections with asterisks, which I then CTRL+F for and remove as I reformat the sections. Somewhat of a hassle, but it does have the advantage of always working. And luckily, asterisks or whatever I use for the markings are easy to remove inside a Word document with Find and Replace All.

    Word missing or typo here?

    This scene was a little weird given she's an adult and the students are just kids, so it was pretty obvious Aaron would get his ass handed to him regardless of training. Also, it was here that I realized that there actually hasn't really been any word on how old these children are? Maybe I missed it, but I currently don't know whether these kids are like 13 or 9, and it's a pretty big difference, so it'd be good to know.

    ow that sounds quite painful

    well boy lets just say her scythe aint the only thing thats psycho huehhuahuaha

    Anyway, I like the choice of tildes to mark telepathy. Makes it distinct from the private thoughts in italics.

    Oh, wow, that Riolu grew up pretty quickly? Hard to say since there's no clear indication of how much time passed between these first two chapters.

    Accidental period in place of comma.

    ohhhh huh. I never played USUM, so I don't know if that's actually a thing, but regardless... strange.

    Missing space before the opening quote.

    Italics missing from these thoughts?

    Well... not really? I mean, Aaron was somewhat able to telepathically talk to Polly, and he had Fighting Aura. These kids already have two Fighting users among them, so it doesn't seem to be a rule that there's one of each in a room. Given all this, I'd say Eve could technically be of any type with the current knowledge.

    Louis?

    Only put together on my second read that this was a kind of Aura recoil and what Ginji was talking about earlier. Anyway, it seems "empathic" was used here but "empathetic" was used later instead. It should probably be just one or the other for clarity's sake.

    Regarding the word "suddenly": it usually only takes the punch out of an action rather than giving it more kick.

    Something's off about this sentence, like a missing word or a wrong verb form?

    I was expecting the Riolu's hesitation over killing to come more into play, but he kind of seems to just get over it on the spot. Maybe have something about instincts taking over, or some other introspection?

    I've noticed the scene changing lines are pretty frequent. If there are too many in quick succession, it can make the flow seem choppy, so when there are parts like these that can pretty much work without a scene change, I'd leave them out.

    good riddance lol

    Well, that's it for my thoughts for now. Despite my many criticisms, I think I like what I've read so far, and expect to continue sometime in the future. For now, good luck, and feel free to ask for elaboration on anything I've said, either on here or the writers' Discord.
     
  4. Umbramatic

    Umbramatic The Ghost Lord

    REVIEW REPLY TIME! Chibi I will get you elsewhere

    ahahahaha

    You don't want to know the contents of Callie's stomach are like on a regular basis.



    wee woo wee woo



    psyduck could totally be a verb and i hate this

    Yep! I was like "hmmm, what would be an unusual choice of healer"

    you know what i'm just going to say this is canon

    Dowgrade, but thanks for asking!

    I am imagining a Fomorrtis/Fomantis hybrid now and I hate it

    Thanks! You may or may not see more of her down the line. ;)

    Oh hey! Nice to see you here. Yeah the fact this is based on a very specific part of Pokeani canon has made this fic a bit niche, but I'm kind of rebuilding the lore from the ground up partially so people like you don't get lost.

    Pacing and description are... weak points of mine. I'll try to work on it going forward (and am already adjusting some scenes in Chapter 7 based on this)

    Thanks on the character stuff! Yeah the thing with Louis was a mistake.

    They're forced into the position out of duty, which I should probably... elaborate on.

    It's an original idea! One that originated from some RP shenanigans mind, but. You'll see more of how they work later. And hehe, I've always been proud of the Pokeball symbol lore.

    As to what the Aura Guardians DO aside from herding children with superpowers... I need to get to that.

    (I'm gonna skim these in this reply unless I have something in particular to say)

    Jojo's Bizzare Pokefic

    8-12, Aaron's about 8 0r 9



    fear her

    also FFnet doesn't eat them! Yet.

    Oh, uh, it'd been a few months, but Pokemon progress toward maturity way, way faster than humans in my setting.


    There are Necrozma people in USUM, but Callie's cult was a completely separate entity more like (greatly) toned-down versions of the Chaos cults in Warhammer 40k (i don't think you will get that reference so just google it)

    [​IMG]

    Thanks for the feedback, and I hope to see you back before too long! I'll definitely ask you if I need you to elaborate anything down the line, and I'll keep your feedback in mind for later chapters.

    Anyway, Chapter 7 is soon. Very soon. Impending soon. See you then.
     
  5. Umbramatic

    Umbramatic The Ghost Lord

    Oof, five months. Worldbuilding June and Artfight ambushed me and made me lose track of fic stuff. But I've got a chapter here anyway! Hope you enjoy:

    Chapter 7: Encounters


    Aaron had taken some time to himself to explore the monastery. Partially because he was bored, and partially because the monastery was just that huge - there were various facilities and nooks and crannies, spiraling towers and sprawling courtyards, that he was certain he hadn't uncovered all of yet.


    It wasn't long, however, before he got a bit lost.


    In his hapless wandering he turned a corner and bumped straight into a Scyther. The Scyther let out a startled buzz and brandished its scythes as Aaron yelped. A pale, dark-haired boy quickly approached.


    "Easy Rook it's just the dweeb."


    Rook blinked and then shrunk back from Aaron sheepishly, clacking his scythes together.


    "Er, sorry about that," said Aaron.


    "It's not you, for once," said Louis. "Rook's startled pretty easily."


    "Don't worry," said Aaron. "I... I wasn't scared."


    Louis raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"


    "Positive!"


    A mischievous smirk appeared on Louis' face. "Is that so? Well then, why don't you take a gander at... Him?"


    Lewis pointed dramatically over to a patch of grass by the greenhouse. Upon that patch of grass sat a snoring Rhyperior.


    "See him? That's Andalas. Legendarily grouchy Rhyperior. If you're not afraid of a Scyther surely giving him a poke isn't too scary."


    Aaron gulped. "That's... That's diff-"


    He shook his head. "I can do that! Just you watch!"


    "Good luck," said Louis, snickering. "You're gonna need it."


    Rook just nervously looked between Aaron and the sleeping Andalas.


    Aaron looked at Louis again, then to Andalas, then started slowly creeping toward the latter.


    He eventually got close enough that he could see the fine details of the massive creature. He was still sound asleep, his rocky body subtly heaving with each breath.


    Aaron reached out a finger. It would be OK, he thought. The Rhyperior's rocky hide probably wouldn't even feel it.


    He touched it. It felt like rock yet somehow... warm, and alive. He quickly drew the finger back. Andalas was still asleep. He looked backward. Louis and Rook were gone. He looked back to Andalas. Still asleep. Aaron almost sighed in relief, but held his breath to avoid waking the Rhyperior up.


    Then Andalas' eyes snapped open anyway.


    A rocky paw lunged itself in Aaron's direction. Aaron instinctively yelped and raised up his hands, an Aura barrier forming. The paw bounced off the barrier harmlessly, but Andalas' other paw swung around and grabbed him from behind. Aaron screamed as Andalas yanked him upward and brought him close to his face, dangerously close to his two horns. Aaron whimpered.


    "I'm so sorry mister Andalas! Please forgive me!"


    Andalas opened his mouth. For a second Aaron thought he was going to swallow him whole.


    Then Andalas started making Pokemon noises at him - a careful mix of "rhy"s, "perior"s, and strange high-pitched whinnying bleats. Aaron almost felt as if the massive Pokemon was scolding him.


    ~Put him down.~


    Andalas turned, pulling Aaron around with him, letting Aaron see that Polly's Metagross was standing next to the both of them. Andalas gave a bleat and a "rhy" at Metagross.


    ~He's my responsibility.~


    Andalas grunted in annoyance, tossed Aaron in front of Metagross, then stomped off. Aaron lay on the ground in shock for a few seconds before picking himself up.


    "T-Thanks..."


    ~Don't mention it. Andalas wouldn't have hurt you but he probably would have kept lecturing you for several hours.~


    "...Really?"


    ~He's like that.~


    "...Huh."


    ~Anyway, I'm not just here to save your ass from Andalas. Class with Polly is soon.~


    "Oh! I forgot! Thank you for reminding me!"


    He made to move off, then stopped and turned back to Metagross.


    "Which way?"


    There was a long, drawn-out mental sigh.


    ~...Follow me.~


    And Metagross led Aaron off.


    ----------------------------


    Aaron was sitting at the back of the class. As usual. People were less likely to notice and pick on him back there.


    Polly arrived at the front of the class and looked around at the assembled students. "Alright. Today's lesson... well, let me get something out real quick.


    She dug within a desk drawer and pulled out a strange, crystaline flower. Aaron leaned over his desk, curious.


    "This... Is a Time Flower," said Polly. "It actually gives the monastery its name."


    Aaron raised his hand. "This place has a name?"


    Polly gave him a look. "Yes. This place is called the Time Flower Abbey. You didn't pick that up?"


    Aaron did not reply, just lowered his hand sheepishly as the other kids giggled.


    "Anyway," said Polly. "Ought to show you how these things work..."


    She waved her other hand over the Time Flower as her palm glowed with Aura. The Time Flower immediately responded, projecting an illusion of Polly giving a similar lecture to a different class. The class oohed and aahed.


    "Time Flowers are crystalline life forms that bud from a bigger crystalline life form, the Tree of Beginning. They grow through this whole area and are a major export - precisely because they can generate Obscuric illusions that record sound and images. At least, if you have a human on the Auric spectrum or Pokemon to activate them."


    Callie raised her hand. "Are the illusions like a Zoroark's?"


    "Yes, precisely. Why they react this way to Aura is still unknown. But they take root anywhere there's rock and their illusion abilities are useful for messages, so they're worth a lot of money."

    Polly chuckled.

    "In the old days me and Metagross used to go on Time Flower runs."


    "How did you meet Metagross anyway?" asked Eve. "He seems so strong..."


    Polly thought a bit.


    "Metagross has been with Time Flower Abbey as long as I can remember. His species lives a very long time. I... I didn't actually choose him as my partner Pokemon. He chose me. After-"


    She shook her head. "We're getting off-topic. Right, we were on the Tree... It's not just a resource. People make pilgrimages to see it in the name of Xerneas and Mew, though they never go inside for... reasons I mentioned before."


    Aaron gulped.


    "You see, the people of Kalos and Galar and nearby nations had their own Tree, not too far away. They made pilgrimages to that instead. Then the Demon King AZ came into power and fired his Ultimate Weapon. The weapon devastated that tree to the point most thought it was dead, and so refugees headed off across land and sea to this Tree, as I mentioned before eventually forming Rota. Eventually a band of heroes found the old Tree still clung to life and saved it, but the Rotans remained, and the Genesis Mountain Aura Guardians made this monastery to aid them, as well as..."


    Polly looked around and sighed. "Alright kids, time for the awkward part. Which of you are Obscurics?"


    Dead silence. Then slowly kids started raising their hands. Aaron did not - he was a Fighting Auric apparently.


    "Right," said Polly, "I'm not gonna ask you all to share your stories just yet. But you all know about discrimination. Aurics, Psychics, it depends on the place but most of us can at least survive. Obscuirics... They're hunted. Executed. Slaughtered. And that's why we're here. To protect all people on the spectrum."


    Aaron was taken aback. He had dealt with enough being an Auric, but apparently the Obscuric kids had it even worse? As Polly changed the subject to the abbey's architecture Aaron resolved to ask his Obscuric bunkmates about it.


    -------------


    After class, Aaron looked around for two people in particular. Eventually he found them - Callie and Atta, talking with each other about lunch. Munchkin and Stabby were arguing about... something.


    "Hey? You two?" he asked.


    Both girls gave Aaron puzzled looks.


    "Yes?" said Callie.


    "This better be good," said Atta.


    "Remember what Polly mentioned in class about Obscurics having a hard time?" said Aaron. "What was that like for you guys?"


    "Oh! The Necrozma cult loved Obscurics!" said Callie. "They were good vessels for the Blinding One because they canceled out the Psychic energy!"


    She frowned. "But... Some mean people... They killed most of the cult... Took me... The Aura Guardians had to rescue me..."


    "Same here..." said Atta. "Parents abandoned me because I was Obscuric. Bisharp took me in, raised me with his Pawniard pack. Aura Guardians found me, Bisharp sent me and Stabby with them."


    Munchkin and Stabby, overhearing all this, lowered their heads sorrowfully.


    "O-oh," said Aaron. "That's... not good."


    "What happened to you Aaron?" said Callie.


    "My dad died... I don't wanna talk about why," said Aaron. "But other than that I've mostly been bullied."


    "Chump," said Atta.


    "Atta you can't just say that!" said Callie.


    "N-no, it's fine," said Aaron. "You both have been through a lot..." He gulped. "We should probably go get lunch now."


    "Sure!" said Callie.


    The three, as well as Munchkin and Stabby, headed off to lunch. Even so, Aaron thought to himself.


    Guess I'm not the only one who wanted to escape... but... things haven't changed much...


    -----------


    Polly was winding down at the end of the day, heading to the back of the kitchen to get a snack. As she did, however, she noticed a rustling in one of the bags of apples. Sighing, thinking it was probably a Ratatta or a Bidoof, she grabbed a broom and lightly thwacked the moving lump.


    What emerged from the bag, however, was decidedly not a Ratatta or a Bidoof, but a smal purple creature with a large pointy head, which buzzed and sprayed sticky goo in Polly's direction. Polly, just barely stepping out of the way of being sprayed, gaped in shock.


    "Hey! You're one of those portal varmints!"


    The purple creature snickered at her distress and flew off.


    "Oh no you don't!"


    Polly gave chase, running after the creature until she emerged in an open courtyard, the setting sun barely illuminating the scene.


    "Damn it... where did the little brat go?"


    She saw a flickering.

    "Aha!"


    She swung the broom at the flickering.


    With lightning speed, Polly's broom was knocked out of her hand and she was pinned to the ground. She could make out a cloak, a mask, something almost... tasting her.


    Then the being let go, faded from corporealness, and was gone. Polly lay on the ground gaping for breath.


    "That... Definitely wasn't one of the portal varmints."


    After a bit she got up, grabbed her hat, and booked it to Ryan's quarters. This could be a lead on the killers. But she wondered.


    If that was the case why did they let her live?


    --------------------


    Riolu walked down the streets of the busy human town, the roofs and bricks seeming to stretch far beyond what he expected. His Aura feelers flared and eyes peeled for any sign of danger. So far there were none, but the humans and Pokemon here alike sometimes gave him funny looks.


    Speaking of the latter, Riolu was astounded by the variety of Pokemon on display, countless species he had never seen in the mountain forests. One Pokemon that seemed to be a chunk of solid ice with a head and limbs trudged by him, giving him a chill.


    That chill gave way to a rumbling stomach. Riolu realized he needed food. Looking around, he saw some apples sitting at a bazaar. Surprised they were just laying there, he reached out to grab one.


    "Hey!" said a human. "You gonna pay for that?"


    Riolu paused. The food was right there. But apparently he had to do... Something for it.


    "Pay? What is pay?"


    "Don't yap at me!" said the human. "Pay up!"


    The human couldn't understand him? Weird. Different Pokemon could understand each other, apparently humans were an exception. How could he communicate with this human?

    Then he had a realization. His kind could communicate via Aura... Maybe if he tried that with a human...

    ~What... Is... Pay?~

    The human jumped a bit. "You can talk? You don't look like a Psychic type. Anyway pay is money. You got money?"


    ~N-o?~


    "Then you can't take the apple."


    Riolu paused, looked at the human, then at the apples, then at the human, then at the apples again. Then he grabbed one and ran.


    "Hey!" said the human, giving chase.


    Riolu ran through the streets, dodging left and right as if that Charizard was still chasing him. That said, that human didn't look too tough. No claws, no fangs, what could it even do to him if it caught hi-


    "Maurice, get him!"


    There was an unholy screech of "Hey! That's my human's apple!" as a Staraptor swooped in from overhead. Riolu's eyes widened as he booked it further. The Staraptor lunged as Rolu ducked out of the way, just in time, taking cover under a shop stand. Crawling desperately while still clutching the apple, he emerged on the other side and kept running.


    "Hey! Over here!" said a voice.


    Riolu noticed a strange orange lizard Pokemon gesturing to him from an alleyway. Riolu ran toward him, ducking behind him. The lizard grabbed him and pulled him inside a barrel as the Staraptor flew past. Seconds passed before Riolu punched and kicked at the lizard, trying to get out of the barrel.


    "Woah woah woah buddy," said the lizard. "I'm not gonna eat you, or your apple. Looks like you came straight from the woods."


    "...I did," said Riolu.


    "It doesn't work that way around here. No predator-prey stuff. Pokemon help each other, and humans take care of food and shelter."

    "They... do?"


    "Yeah! Listen, you did a good job nabbing that apple. I know some folks who'll like you."


    "Oh?"


    "Come on."


    The two climbed out of the barrel and headed off.


    ----------------


    Eventually, Riolu and the lizard reached an abandoned building. It was crumbled, worn, with eaves falling inward, and a door hanging ajar. The lizard slipped in, Riolu following.


    Inside were an assemblage of different Pokemon; a froglike Pokemon counting Berries, a green and white biped cutting vegetables with his scythes, a monkey with a flaming head reading a book, and a smaller monkey with a flaming tail watching.


    "Hey!" said the lizard. "I found someone interesting!"


    The others turned to look at Riolu. The large monkey in particular scrutinized him with his green eyes.


    "Aww, it's a little puppy!" said the frog.


    "Meh. Do we have to clean after it?" said the biped.


    "H-hi," said the smaller monkey."


    "Hmm. And you are?" said the big monkey.


    "I'm... I'm Riolu. What are you all?"


    "I'm Grog! I'm a Toxicroak!" said the frog.


    "I'm Vallant, the Gallade," said the biped.


    "I'm Shifty the Scrafty!" said the lizard.


    "I'm... I'm Nicolas the Chimchar, nice to meet you," said the small monkey.


    "And I am Koba the Infernape, the leader of this little band. We call ourselves... The Wonderful Fighting Thieves."


    "The humans provide and we take anything we want!" said Shifty.


    "And we work together to do it!" said Grog.


    "It's a good gig, I suppose," said Vallant.


    "Dad makes sure everyone's taken care of..." said Nicolas.


    "This Riolu was doing some nice work nabbing an apple from old man Victor and his Staraptor Maurice," said Shifty. "He could do some nice work for us!"


    "Hmm... He probably has a lot to learn, but I'll allow it," said Koba. "Riolu, you'll get food, shelter, company for your services... If you're willing to stick with us of course."


    Riolu stared at the others, feeling their Auras carefully. He took a moment to look down and think to himself, clutching the apple, before looking back up.


    "...Sure."


    ***
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2019
  6. Venia Silente

    Venia Silente [](int x){return x;}

    I've had pending commenting on this story since like, forever, give or take a couple years; apologies for that. But I did get to the catching up part which is good because this is one of the most interesting premises for a canon character centric stories I've seen in a while. Take one of the best Pokémon movies and hold on to one of the best characters it has and then start asking more questions. Backstory! I'm a sucker for that to my own detriment.

    And I'll be commenting more on that as I give out a deeper reading since the first time I was in HURRY UP CATCH UP modo aka "easy modo". I have some things I really want to give commentary on if no one has beaten me on that, like for example I like what you have done with the Aura Guardians as a context thing and how they socially seem to function like the Phantom Menace Jedi Order except they are much less known it seems...? And then this reflects with Aaron's early character. In particular the scene with the dummy seems to be either foreshadowing or meta commentary on how sometimes you are not fit to be eg.: a cop, but it's the only thing that's there where your abilities can flourish anyway.

    Anyway, I'm expecting to catch up more on the Adventures of Aura Doge and their Future Human Companion. Good job on getting to write this, I know I've said this elsewhere but it deserves more repetition.

    Yay! Two cakes!
     

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