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Hero's Heart

Korobooshi Kojiro

Funnnngaaaaa
My new, "Old School" comic meets anime fic, is kinda like Ben Ten. It involves a girl named Haruka, who has the power to change into fifteen diffrent monsters by focusing her heart. All of the monsters have her personality, as well as a pink heart emblem on them. She, with her friends Ju-Li and Sora, go around fighting crime including the Examples, a group of "Justice" bringers.

Anyway, here's some info on Haruka's diffrent forms:

Flaredra- A tall, red and brown dragon who is, as she puts it, hot. She can breathe fire and spin around at great velocity to catch on fire. She also can climb buildings with her talons. She has a heart on she forehead.

Anglurk- A bloated, yellow Angler Fish, Anglurk is very good at swimming and can illuminate dark areas with her lantern. She can also fire beam of light from it as well. She has a heart on her belly.

Musclebout- Haruka's most humanoid form, Musclebout is a one-ton, blue musclebound women with great strength. She can lift five times her own weight, as well as block most attacks with her thick skin. She has a heart on her white vest she wears.

Kangacarry- A rather fat, Kangaroo like creature with boxing gloves, Kangacarry can jump rather high and punch rapidly as well. She used her big pouch to carry her friends around. She has a heart on her belly.

Thiefmask- A small Racoon, Thiefmask is very tricky and is mostly used for espionage and sneaking in places. She also has nightvision. Her heart is one her chest.

Tinypuff- A adorable, pink like creature, Tinypuff can puff her body to massive sizes by sucking in air. She can then float like a baloon, or release the air to blow enemys away. She has a heart on her stomach.

Peligeist- A Pelican/Ghost, Peligeist can float and pass through walls. She has a heart on her chest.

Mindinfo- A creepy, black one-eyed alien creature, she can possess people and make them do her bidding, however this power mostly works on dumb people. Has a heart on her abdomen.

Amadaillo- A huge and obese Armadillo creature, she uses her massive weight to roll up in a ball and crush her enemies. Has a heart on her back.

Velocitor- A orange, slick reptile, she can reach speeds of 300 mph. She has a heart on her chest.

Earthwyrm- A monstrous worm beast, she can burrow underground quickly and sneak up on enemys from below. She has a heart on her side.

Eyesaur- A mysterious, odd creature. She can see through walls, into minds, and into the future slightly. Has a heart on her lower body.

Sirenia- A blue, women like creature with a vase like thorax, she can merge into water and control it. Has a heart on her chest.

Haxorz- A robotic knight who can hack into anything, she is quite weak in combat. Has a heart for a visor.

Budbabe- A massive rose bud with vines and a head coming out, she can control nature. Has a heart on her back.




Chapter 1

“This is gonna be a fun trip, I can’t wait!” yelled Haruka, a sixteen year old girl with long pink hair, a yellow top, and blue jean-shirts. She was driving a red convertible as her two friends, Ju-Li; a shorter girl with blue hair in a pony tail, and a orange vest and blue jeans; and Sora; a rather cute looking boy with medium length purple hair, and a purple shirt and green pants. The three had just gotten off of school and were ready to start their summer vacation right away by going to the beach in Haruka’s shiny new convertible she had got for her birthday.
“How far away to the beach, sis?” asked Sora, who had a habit of calling all girls sis.
“According to this map,” Haruka said as she pulled a blue parchment from the glove department, “about ten minutes!”
“You know, the beach is fun and all, but what about sharks, or floods, or hurricanes, or jellyfish?” said Ju-Li, who was a very worrisome person and it definitely showed as she was motherly to everyone.
“Hah! Don’t worry, I took some CPR classes!” joked Haruka as she quickly turned the vehicle around a corner as they came to the coast.
“It’s beautiful!” said Sora, as he noticed Haruka suddenly was staring straight ahead in shock.
“Oh my, my heart just hurt for a bit.” Haruka said worryingly as she clutched her chest as Sora looked worried.
“Why don’t we stop for a bit then near that ocean?” suggested Sora as Haruka decided to drive down a small hill onto an empty coast line. As they were getting out of the car, Haruka noticed their was an old lady standing at the edge of the ocean. Haruka decided to ask her if she needed anything, so she began to slowly walk up to her.
“Hello Haruka! I see you have experienced ‘it’?” the lady said as Haruka jumped back in shock.
“How did you?” she began to say as the old lady laughed to herself.
“Good luck being the Heroine of Heart.”
“HEY!” yelled Ju-Li as Haruka turned around, Ju-Li looking confused, “who were you talking to?” Haruka turned around and noticed no one was their, much to her surprise.
“Maybe this heat’s getting to me.” She whispered as she walked over to Ju-Li and Sora who had put up and small blanket, complete with various containers of food.
“This is quite good” said Ju-Li as she took a bite of her sandwich, nodding happily at Sora who had made the food for the trip.
“They call me the next Top Chef, ya know!” said Sora jokingly as he began to eat his food as well. Haruka simply stared at her food, as she put her heart to her chest. She felt very scared of what was going on, was she gonna have a heart attack, she wondered. No, she realized as the oldest she must be responsible and not let this get to her.
“She haven’t eaten a bite, are you dieting again?” asked Ju-Li nervously as Haruka glanced down at her stomach.
“No, but do I need to?” asked Haruka as he noticed she had put on a few pounds this year.
“No! Don’t, it’s not safe!” said Ju-Li as she quickly began to get anxious at insulting her friend by mistake.
“Girls, go figure!” said Sora to himself as he finished his sandwich off. He then got up and ran to the water, throwing off his shirt as he jumped in with a splash.
“Hey, wait for me!” said Haruka as she stripped down into her two-piece suit, jumping in after the boy as he swam away quickly. Ju-Li nervously stripped down into her one-piece, and carefully got in the water after testing the temperature. Haruka happily chased Sora, who dived in and out splashing water at the girl as they giggled happily, now soaked with water. Ju-Li nervously stood in the shallow in as some fish swam by, scared of the girl as much as she was scared of them.
“I’m gonna get out now!” said Ju-Li as she quickly ran out onto the sand and sat in a beach chair.
“Why hello their!” said a man, or rather a man wearing makeup and a funny suit, as he walked over to Ju-Li.
“A clown?” asked Ju-Li as she looked him over, she had read about clowns in the news, and she was worried that this could be a evil clown.
“I’m just a performer, and happened to noticed you kids here, and was wondering if you would like to view a show?”
“We’d love too!” said Haruka as she and Sora walked out onto the sand as the man looked at Haruka intently.
She is definitely the girl in the reports, good, now I can get this show started. A show just for her!
“Okay then, you guys sit down here as I go get things ready!”

A bit later everything was set up, and the clown, who introduced himself as Pierrota, began to blow up a small balloon.
“Let the show begin, as I make a snake!” said the clown as he blew up the balloon into a long shape, as Haruka nervously sighed.
“That’s easy to do.” Pierrota then blew up to more, and threw them in the air over the kids’ heads.
“Kinda lame, don’t you think?” said Sora as suddenly the balloons made a hissing sound and flew at the kids, warping around them as they got bigger and bigger.
“These are my special ‘Anaconda’ balloons, Heroine of Heart! How do you like them?” he laughed as he watched as the kids gasped for breathe as the balloons crushed them.
“Heroine….of…heart?” said Haruka as she remembered what the old lady said earlier, wondering what this meant.
“You have the heart of a hero, of course!” said a small bird, in the same voice as the old lady, and she flew next to Haruka.
“Old lady?” questioned Haruka as the bird got made and pecked her.
“I’m not old! Anyway, yes, the heart of a hero! The hero being a medieval princess, who fought great evil by changing into fifteen mythical beasts using her heart. All you have to do is think, and you will awaken the powers inside of you heart!”
“Bye bye, birdie!” said Pierrota as he jumped and grabbed the bird, who quickly flew his grasp. Haruka angrily looked at the man as he friends gasped for air, and put her hand on her chest as she thought deeply.
I want to be strong!
Suddenly Haruka felt weird as her skin began to turn a shade of dark blue, as her hair shortened and turned black. He clothes changed into a sleeveless white bodysuit as her sandals disappeared replaced by white boots. She then started to slowly grow as her muscles bulged, bursting out of the balloon monster as she fell to the ground with a thud. She was now standing over fifteen feet tall, a muscular blue beast of a woman. Pierrota smiled sinfully.
“So, you’ve unlocked your powers, Heroine of Heart, but I will beat you!” he yelled as he jumped in the air, taking out a long blade as he slammed it down on Haruka’s arm, as she stood their.
“That didn’t hurt at all, bozo!” she yelled huskily as she grabbed the man and pulled back her arm.
“Wait! Wait! Stop!” she yelled as she let him go, slinging him across the ocean as far as the eye can see.
“Now to rescue my friends!” she yelled as she jumped down on both the balloon creatures, smashing them to bits as Sora and Ju-Li fell as she grabbed them both in her hands and gently laid them down.
“She is quite strong.” Said a man in a hood as he observed from a nearby cliff.

“I told you we can’t trust clowns!” said Ju-Li as she and Sora sat by a campfire staring up and their big friend.
“I think he was after me, since I’m the Heroine of Heart and all.” Haruka said as she finished explaining what had happened.
“Way to go, Musclebout!” said Sora excitedly after she finished, causing Haruka to look down at him, “that’s what you should call that form! And there is fourteen more, sis! Wow!”
“That’s a good name, okay! From now on call me….” Haruka slowly shrunk back to normal.
“Guess it wears off!” said Ju-Li as she looked upset, “being a hero is kinda dangerous, isn’t it?” she finally said.
“Yeah, but hey! I’m like a chosen person, so I can’t beat fate!” Haruka said as she noticed a small bug next to her.
“Good luck, Heroine of Heart!” it said as it flew away, Haruka realizing it was the old lady from before.
“This is gonna be a sweet vacation! A decisive battle of good and evil!” Sora said excitedly as he jumped up and down squealing.
“Yeah! I declare this the Summer of Heart!” Haruka joined in as Ju-Li looked nervously down.
“I hope we survive this summer” she quietly added in.
 
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pegasus

Kurama fan-girl!!!!
Cool first post! Hey this story isn't half bad. Rating: 10/10 :)
;078;
 

Ledian_X

Don Ledianni
All I see is a series of quotes. Where's the description? You kind of need that to tell this and other kinds of stories. A story with no description has no heart. You need to describe who is doing what, where and why. Not to mention how they feel.

Also, if this was really old school, you should check out an old school comic that's about the same lines as Ben 10 but has been around a long, long time. Dial H for Hero.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dial_H_for_Hero

That's where the Ben 10 idea comes from. It's just a limited version of Dial H for Hero and aside from that, you need to work on grammar. For example:

"eaten a bite" should be taken a bite. She couldn't have taken another bite.

This story needs description and a slower pace too. Work on those.

LX
 
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Korobooshi Kojiro

Funnnngaaaaa
Well, it kinda has a old-school superhero vibe meets new school anime vibe.

I'll try to put more emphasis on the next chapter thanks.

BTW, your superhero fic is very cool indeed.
 

Ledian_X

Don Ledianni
Thanks for the compliment, Kojiro. But, in order really make it have an old school vibe, you probably should look into comics from the 1960s like Dial H for Hero among other titles. Just describe better and put paragraphs. In the comics medium, you have to have a LOT of description. Plus, it wouldn't hurt to run the story through spellcheck, too. Comic writing requires a lot of research.

When writers send the script to the artidst, there's descrption involved to set the scene. That's always been an important part of comics. Descrption and story. That's crucial.

LX
 

Korobooshi Kojiro

Funnnngaaaaa
Hmm....maybe I'll lose the old school vibe then, my story seems more modern like an anime.

Yeah, my biggest weakness is description, always been keeping me down in school like forever.
 

Ledian_X

Don Ledianni
Do what you'd like. But, comic stories can have modern vibes. Stories do change with the time and don't necessarilly have to be grim and gritty. The story's an okay concept but remember it can still have a superhero vibe.

LX
 

Korobooshi Kojiro

Funnnngaaaaa
Well, my story isn't really grim and gritty, it's more of a relaxed tone with pun-spurting villains and funny named heroes.

Anyway, i'll do Chapter 2 and I'll try to improve and hope to have your input when it's done.
 
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Korobooshi Kojiro

Funnnngaaaaa
Chapter 2, and this one I think is better:

Haruka was looking out of a balcony in the air as she peered over many silver buildings as she looked out to the sea, feeling a warm breeze pass over her face as she took a sip from a small Styrofoam cup she held in her hand, slowly sipping on the lemonade inside. Sora walked out beside her and leaned back on the railing, smiling with a gentle grin as he lifted his hand to greet her.

“You’ve been awfully quiet since yesterday,” he began to say as Haruka continued to sip on her lemonade, “but I want you to know I’m here for you sis!”

Haruka sighed and took her mouth off the cup as she let out a small sigh of relief, turning around to face Sora.

“It’s just Ju-Li that’s all; I’m worried for her because she is always worried about everyone. This is hard for her.”

“I know, but she needs to enjoy life once in awhile, you know!” Sora added as he walked to the door of their hotel room, “and this is a test of character, like a good story you know.” Haruka stood still for a moment as she looked back over the edge observing natures’ beauty as she then sighed once more.

“Your right” she said as the two walked inside the hotel room, a two bed room with a small closet and bathroom. Ju-Li was at a drawer next to the left bed as she shifted through a bright green bag looking for stuff to fill the dresser with as Haruka walked over to her.

“Why don’t we do this later, let’s look around for a bit?” Haruka suggested as Ju-Li whipped around nervously to look at her friend.

“I guess, but let’s make sure we lock the door. I don’t want our stuff getting stolen!” she began to say as she stood up and began to walk out the door, looking back too see if everything was in order.

“It’s a start!” Sora chuckled as he followed her out the room, with Haruka following as she closed the door behind them.

Oh boy! Sora thinks this is a game while Ju-Li is scared to death! Haruka thought to herself as the three walked down a dimly lit hall, full of flower pots, into a small elevator.



“Meet back here at 5:00,” demanded Haruka forcefully as she pointed to a small black watch on her arm. The trio was standing on an old wooden pier as many shops were on either side, many people walking around as well with large bags. Ju-Li nodded as the three walked off, Ju-Li following her older friend as Sora strolled off the other way.

“Were gonna go check out clothes!” yelled Haruka as Sora gave a thumbs up without turning around, walking in a cool stride.

“Is…Sora…picking up chicks?” asked Ju-Li and Haruka laughed at the thought of that, she wasn’t quite sure of Sora sometimes, he was quite and oddball. Haruka then turned to her friend who had suddenly stopped at the entrance of a bright red store, bearing a big sign with “Joe’s Teapots” on it. Haruka smiled, she knew that Ju-Li had a collection of Teapots at home, and she prided herself greatly on them. Haruka grabbed her friend by the arm as Ju-Li looked surprised.

“Well, let’s go Ju-Li! We gotta improve your collection!”

The two girls slowly walked into the shop, colorful and wonderful teapots sat on shelves, shining from light gleaming through cracks in the ceiling. A rather rugged looking man greeted them from a brown counter in the front as the two walked up to him.

“Ah…you their, with the blue-hair!” he said as he pointed his index finger at a shocked Ju-Li, “you have the eyes of a true Tea Pot collector!” he said as Ju-Li gasped with excitement.

“Whoa, how did you know?” she asked gleefully as she began to sound more excited then usual.

“I too am a Tea-Pot collector. And I have something you might like, the mystic pot,” he began to say mystically as he pulled out a small, pink pot with an eye on it from a shelf behind him, “it is said only one exists in the world, made by an ancient wizard in olden days to seal away a demon!”

“Sounds kind of dangerous, maybe I shouldn’t get something like that.” Ju-Li said nervously as Haruka sighed and slapped her gently in the back.

“Chill girl, it’s just a legend so don’t let it keep you from getting it.” Haruka added in as Ju-Li reached into her green purse hanging on her arm and pulled out a small pink wallet.

“I am selling this for $500 dollars, but I guess I could give it to a nice young girl like yourself for $350” the man said as Ju-Li handed him the correct amount of money as Haruka lifted the pot off the counter and held it examining it.

“Thank you for this wonderful antique, sir!” Ju-Li yelled politely as the two girls walked out, Haruka holding the antique for her friend.

“Okay, why don’t we look for Sora now, it’s still kinda early. He’s probably at a bookstore or something.” Haruka suggested as she walked along the boardwalk as Ju-Li followed, as well as a tall figure.



Meanwhile, Sora was sitting on a bench outside of a small bookstore as he was peering into a thick book with “Romance Help by Dr. Loverson” on the front in big gold letters as a smiling woman stared out from off the cover.

“Love is so hard for me, I just don’t know what too do anymore” Sora sighed as he looked up from the book at a short man in a cloak standing over to the side of the store chatting on a cell phone.

“Good, you found her huh? Well, just watch out for her powers”. The man then closed the top of his phone as he looked over at Sora who was staring at him intently.

“Hey Mr., I just adore your cloak!” Sora said happily as he jumped up and got very close to the man as he backed away slowly.

“Thank, I guess?” the man was scared at the antics of the boy, as he quickly ran off as Sora smiled with a mischievous grin.

“Too easy,” Sora laughed as he held the man’s cell phone in his hand as he checked the GPS to see where the previous caller was, “I have a feeling Haruka is in trouble!” Sora quickly ran off as he looked at the phone for directions.

“Leave her alone!” Haruka yelled as she placed the pot on the ground as Ju-Li was being held up in the air by her legs by an extremely tall and muscular woman in a black two piece bikini. Ju-Li was barely conscious as she dangled upside down in the air, and her face was turning red from the blood rushing to her face. They were standing in an empty area of the pier devoid of any people as Haruka angrily looked at the women with disgust.

“She’s even bigger then Musclebout, like an Amazon or something!” Haruka said quietly as she heard a swoosh fly by her head and a cloaked man, the same one that Sora met earlier, landed next to the big women.

“She is an Amazon in fact!” he said as took out a knife from his pocket and threw it at Haruka who barely dodged it by jumping to the left.

“My name is Ame, and my little friend here is Kai. We were ordered with one particular goal,” the women said in a loud, but gentle voice, “to kill the Heroine of Heart.”

“Yes, we are the top team of the Examples! We have done all of our missions flawlessly, of course there is always my lazy partner...” he began to nag as he looked at Ame’s bikini.

“I went for a little swim, so sue me!” she yelled as Kai sighed deeply.

“Shut up and let my friend go already, or else!” Haruka said angrily as she clutched her chest and concentrated, as she felt herself growing again and turning blue.

“So this is one of her forms, huh?” Ame scoffed as she put Ju-Li down on a bench behind her, “I’ll take her!” Ame began to flex her arms as Musclebout stood up and roared loudly, looking at Ame with rage in her eyes. She then ran at the women, who just stood their as Musclebout charged.

“Chill out, little girl!” said Ame as she punched Musclebout in the stomach, and then grabbed her and lifted the heroine above her head, “your so puny compared to me, you don’t stand a chance!” Ame threw Musclebout who landed on the Pier and crashed through into the water below, causing a tremendous splash.

“That was easy enough,” Kai said as he walked over and looked down into the water, as he saw something emerge, “what the?” He stumbled and fell backwards as a small raccoon creature popped out of the water with a confused look.

“A new transformation and it’s kinda cute!” said the raccoon who was actually Haruka as she looked up at the huge Ame, “but I think I may be in trouble now!”

“I better hurry up!” yelled Sora as he ran towards where he had just heard a huge splash.
 
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