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Hoenn Adventures

Snap Dragon

Well-Known Member
Chapter 1: Welcome Home

Brendan sighed as he sat on the crate in the back of the moving truck. The truck turned a sharp corner and a few boxes rattled around. He had jet black eyes, which contrasted well with his messy white hair. All of a sudden, the truck came screeching to a halt. The back doors flew open, revealing the driver and two pokemon Brendan instantly recognized as Vigoroth. They were here to help him and his mother move house.

Brendan hopped out the back, and rubbed his eyes as they adjusted to the light. He had been in the dark for hours.

"Brendan!" His mother opened the front door of their new house. "Welcome to your new home." Brendan ruffled his hair with his hand, still adjusting to the light. "Let's go inside."

The house was small, but he liked it. "You get your own room too, son. Why don't you go check it out?" Brendan ambled up the stairs, his mother standing at the front door like a sentry. "Don't forget to set your clock!" She called out. His room, unlike the rest of the house, was quite spacious. It was empty at the moment, but the movers would bring his stuff in later. The only thing in there at the moment was his clock, which was set on 12:00, so Brendan synchronized it with his watch - 2:15. Going back down the stairs, he could hear the loud footsteps of the Vigoroth movers. "There you are. You just missed your father - he was on TV." Brendan could see a reporter outside of Petalburg Gym, whom his father was the leader of. "Oh, by the way, our new neighbours are next door. You should go over and introduce yourself. Professor Birch should be there."

Brendan walked out the front door, and took in his surroundings. The town was small - really small. There were only a few houses and a relatively large building which he thought would be Professor Birch's lab. He strolled over to the house opposite his, and noticed the door was ajar. "Hello?" He pushed the door open a bit more. "Oh, you must be our new neighbour!" A woman greeted him at the door. "We have a daughter about the same age as you. She's upstairs I think, if you want to go and meet her." Brendan made his way in. "I didn't get your name..." The woman said. "Oh, sorry. It's Brendan. Ah, good to meet you." He continued toward the stairs, wondering what he was doing here. "I should be outside training for the Hoenn League," he thought. It was Brendan's dream to be a Pokemon Master, and he knew the only way to accomplish that was to challenge and beat the Hoenn League. First, of course, he had to get a Pokemon. Another thought struck him. "Where's Professor Birch?"

The girl's room was similar to his, except it was full of stuff. A bed, desk, a set of drawers, and a TV. Just then, the girl came up the stairs. "Oh, hey, you must be our new heighbour! Hi, I'm May." "Hey - Brendan," he replied. "Good to meet you," she said. "Sorry to leave like this, but I gotta help my dad study wild Pokemon. Cya!" May grabbed a Pokeball off her desk and rushed downstairs. Brendan made his way down the stairs, and headed outside. It was a sunny day, but he could see a few clouds gathering in the distance.

"Help!" Someone was crying out in the distance. Brendan rushed over to see what was wrong. A man in a labcoat was being attacked by a Pokemon of some sort. It looked like a small dog, and was barking madly at him. "Hey, you! Over there, in my bag, there's a Pokeball! Help me, please!" Brendan rushed over to the bag and took out a Pokeball. "Go...uh....whatever!" A small lime-green Gecko Pokemon appeared from the ball. "Treecko," Brendan thought. He had studied up on the starter Pokemon available in Hoenn thoroughly, so he'd be ready. "Treecko! Use Pound!" The Pokemon turned and gave Brendan an affirmative nod. It leapt at the Pokemon attacking the man and smacked it with its tail. It flew into a tree with a thud, but it hadn't given up yet. The small dog tackled Treecko, knocking him back. "Treecko, use...." Brendan was trying to think of what other moves Treecko knew at this low level. "Treecko, use Leer!" The Treecko sneered at the dog Pokemon, and obviously frightened it. "Now, finish it off with another Pound!" Treecko used the attack one more time, forcing the wild Pokemon to scurry off. "Wow, good job. Thanks for helping me out there, uh...." The man looked at Brendan. "Brendan. Your new neighbour." The man shook his head. "Oh, that's right. I've heard about you, from your father. I'm Professor Birch." He replied. "Let's go back to my lab."

The lab was full of books and complex looking machines. Brendan noticed May was in here. She must have forgotten about her father, hence the Pokemon attack. "Now, Brendan, you battled well back there. That Treecko seems to respect you as a trainer, so I'd like you to have it." The Professor handed the Pokeball to Brendan. "Thanks." Birch walked over to his desk and picked up two red objects. "Now, as you know, you two, I've been conducting research on the Pokemon found here in the Hoenn region. But Hoenn is a big place, and there's no way I could document all the Pokemon here. So, that's why I'd like you two to help me. These are Pokedexes - they should help you on your journey." He handed one Pokedex to Brendan and one to May. "Thanks, dad." May said. "Well, you two are all set. You should get going." Brendan thanked the Professor one more time before turning to leave. "Wait. Brendan, take these with you." She handed him a few Pokeballs. "Thanks." He said. "You'll need them if you're going to catch wild Pokemon. I plan to catch heaps. Well, cya later. Bye dad!" May ran out of the lab, obviously eager to get going. "Ah, Brendan, could you do me a favour?" Birch stopped Brendan from leaving. "Ah, yeah, sure..." He replied. "May is very excited about the adventure she's about to set out on. Keep an eye on her, ok?" The Professor obviously trusted him. "Sure. I'll keep an eye out." Brendan wandered out of the lab. "Finally, my own adventure is about to begin," he thought....



Hope you like it guys. I'll put up Chapter 2 when I get the chance.
 

Astinus

Well-Known Member
Well, it's a good attempt. It is good, at least to me, but I don't think that every person that writes a story is William Shakespeare...

I'm wondering how you are going to make this different/more interesting than the video games. So far, it's exactly the same as the GBA games, even down to the settting of the clock, and the lack of talking on the main character's part.

A rule of grammar: Make a new paragraph when someone speaks. Your last paragraph is a huge chunk of different people talking. Other than that issue, you're fine in my eyes. I'm pretty sure you can figure out what I'm talking about...
 
It was... a start. Try not to make it exactly as the games, because I was extremely bored reading that. There was no character development, no personality whatsoever, they were all like robots. Please be creative with storyline and personalities, because the one thing that kept me reading it was the good description. In that respect, you did well. another thing, don't say cya, say see ya', or somthing like that.
Over and out,;198;
 

Stephy

candies!!!11
Great...The first thing I have to see when I go to the Fan fiction area is another Hoenn fic...

Anyway, nothing really different about this and the games. Nothing interesting...same old boring things like other fics...(Except their plot is good)

Try to add more description, and don't copy the game. It just makes it totally...-yawns-

And, write different paragraphs when someone talks, stories like this really strain my eyes.

I hope to see Chapter 2...more developed in a way...I guess.

Chapter 1 was great, has descriptions, and rarely spelling/grammatical mistakes...so, I liked Chapter 1 so far.
 
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