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Hoenn Insane- The Version Of R/s/e You Didn't See, A parody of the game, and fun-poki

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"ok this is an rpg u go arond fiting peeps n aim 2 be pokmon master of the honn regin!!!!!

ruls dont sware dont dubl post hav fun"

Hmm . . . something's gone terribly wrong. I just felt a mass-disturbance in the atmosphere . . . as though a great evil has just been unleashed from its restraints, to wreak terrible havoc upon the world as we know it. This could throw off the balance of the uni-

nam: Kenta Macauttum, last I checked.
age: Sixteen . . . wait a second, what the hell is this? Why the hell am I filling out some weird application sheet all of a sudden?!
pokmon: What's a pokmon? Oh, they must mean Poke'Mon. Wait, why do I have to reveal this? It's none of your business!

Doesn't have a- . . . -cause the god has awa- . . . osing connec-

***

. . . this doesn't make sense. I'm trying to have an adventure here. Is some buttwipe trying to twist reality on me? Hey! Whoever you are, quit it!

Quit it . . . quit it . . . . . . . quit it . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

************************************************** ******************************
*********

Dear Diary;

Hey, nice to finally be talking to you, if you could call this talking. My name’s Kenta Macauttum, and I’m a Poke’Mon trainer. I just bought you at Walmart for six bucks. Why Walmart? Well, Walmart’s taking over the world, just like George Dubya Bush and his cronies, so there’s really nowhere else to shop nowadays. But that’s not the point- I’ve decided to keep a trainer’s journal so that I could have something to talk to. I already have a companion, but that’s precisely WHY I need someone to talk to; because there’s no way in Hell I’m gonna be able to keep my sanity speaking to this girl. Her name’s Mary-Sue, and she just started following me the other day, for no apparent reason.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Hey, look Combusken . . . there’s some girl following us for no apparent reason.

*End flashback*

Woah, I’m going too fast! Let's start with my favorite subject- me! I’m a beginner trainer who’s just started off in the Hoenn region, and so far I’ve already gotten my first badge. I’m writing here in Rustboro City, Poke’Mon Center to be precise, and I guess I should add that I’ve got a team of four Poke’Mon so far. Combusken’s my first one, I caught Ralts second, followed up by Slakoth and Nincada. As for me personally, I’m a martial arts master. I’m sixteen years old, and I’m already a kickass black belt and a sword wielder. Heh, not bad huh? I’m not like those other helpless little kid trainers, like that Brendan nut who likes the ‘white-haired old geezer’ look, and May what's-her-name, who seems to have two antennas poking out of her little bandana. They couldn’t defend themselves for crap. But speaking of which, and getting back to the story, that’s when I first met Mary-Sue . . . in Rustboro, a helpless-looking little eight-year-old girl.

*Flashback*

Mary-Sue: hi im marysu

Kenta: Uh . . . hi.

Mary-Sue: hey can I join u

Kenta: What?

Mary-Sue: ur a pokmon traner can I com with u

Kenta: What’s with the bad grammar? And no, I’m going it alone.

Mary-Sue: oh cmon I wont get in the way I proms

Kenta: Um . . . you’re five-foot nothing, and you have no Poke’Mon.

Mary-Sue: ya I do I hav a richu a sucune a espeon and a artcuno

Kenta: Right, sure you do . . . look, your parents are probably worried about you, and they might think I’m a child-crazy pervert if they see me talking to you like this, so maybe it would be a good idea for you to go home now.

Mary-Sue: I was abandoned as a schild I got rased by celebi and now im a pokmn traner

Kenta: You’re not even old enough to be a trainer . . .

Mary-Sue: whatever im going wit u ill help u in any battles agenst the badguys

Kenta: What badguys?

*End Flashback*

I did eventually let Mary-Sue join me, but that was only because she had the Rustboro gym badge (she probably stole it) and a Raichu, like she said. But I asked that we call it a night first, since it was evening out at the time (it’s night now, even though the sky isn’t any darker than it would be in the day.) Anyway, now would be a good time to finish up the writing, since I'm tired, but I’ll input more tomorrow evening. Until then,

-Kenta
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Normal 'Story' format and script = no-no. Even if you claim this is a parody, this is still pathetic. The Sue's bad grammar wasn't even funny, it's more like you lamely thought it up to make it either comical, or because you thought it was funny.

And you try to open it as a typoed Role Play? For what, more parody purpose?

Once again you exectuted a fic badly. Go read the ADVICE THREAD. Also your own character borders mary sueness. Sixteen and already a blackbelt AND a sword master? Over Achivement FTL.
 

sandos

Don't Blink
I have to agree with Yami Ryu for once, this is hardly a fic. I didn't have a clue at the beginning of what was going on, so it should be more clear unless I'm really missing something. And yes, he has overachieved, just what is he a Blackbelt of exactly? Karate? Tae kwon do? Judo? Specify. There is also nio description. Even for a parody, this isn't even slightly funny, sorry to say. There's also no description. BAD. Is Mary-Sue high, drunk, both, or is this just insane? Usually insane is good, in my opinion, but this is bad insane, so I suggest you read advise for aspiring Authors, make your chgapters about 9-10 Microsoft Word pages long, and delete this before Psychic and Dragonfree arrive. Just trying to help. Good luck on improving!

~sandos;448;
 
Let me try once more though..........

Dear Diary,

Hey, it’s me again (what, you were expecting the Kool-Aid guy?), and I’m writing tonight in the Poke’Mon Center of Dewford Island. You know . . . that place with all the weird trend-slaves. Yeah, that’s right, everyone here is nuts. But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself again. Let’s go back to where I left off yesterday; Rustboro City. Mary-Sue and I were just doubling back through the Petalburg Forest . . .

*Flashback*

Kenta: Eww! I think I stepped in dog doo!

Mary-Sue: dats totaly dicusting

Combusken: Heh-heh-heh-heh!

Kenta: Laugh it up, chicken boy . . .

*End Flashback*

Anyway, we did a little training through the forest and pretty much slaughtered every Poke’Mon in the forest. Ah, heh-heh,
() we kinda left a trail of Poke’Mon behind us.

*Flashback*

Kenta: Good job, Nincada! I think you’ve practiced enough for one day . . .

*Scene shifts to a bunch of fainted Slakoth, Silcoon and Cascoon, Wurmple, and other Nincada, strewn all over the ground*

Mary-Sue: hey look theres the exet *Points to a light in between the trees showing the way out, and sure enough, there’s an exit sign nailed to one of the trees for no apparent reason*

Kenta: Freakin’ awesome! I was getting kinda hot and sweaty in that forest, and I’m pretty sure a Wurmple crawled up my pant leg back there . . . either that or he was crawling down, which frankly, I don’t even wanna think about.

Mary-Sue: lets ask mr briteny for a rid 2 th iland

Kenta: God, it’s hard to understand what the hell you’re saying! And how do you know there’s a guy named Mr. Britany that lives in that hut?

Mary-Sue: i dont no lets ask him

Kenta: Hmm . . . *Finds a sign glued to the door* “Sorry, my Wingull ran away from home again, so I’ll be back whenever.” . . . it ran?

Mary-Sue: *Running inside* mr briteny?????? were r u we ned a rid

Kenta: Were you listening to a word I just said? *Goes inside* Hey, we shouldn’t be breaking into this guy’s . . . er . . . ramshackled little piece of crap hut without permission . . .

Mary-Sue: hey lok wat i found in the kichen *Holds up a cookbook*

Kenta: “Happy Chef’s Guide: Twenty Ways to Cook a Sea Bird” . . . no wonder the Wingull made a break for it. Well, NOW how are we gonna get to Dewford Island?

Mystery Voice 1: hahahaha lets grab that wingul

Mystery Voice 2: hahaahaha ok

Kenta: Hey, uh . . . Mary-Sue, what’s with the cheesy evil laughter?

Mary-Sue: its not me i heer somthing outsid

Kenta: Wait, you mean there are MORE people with bad grammar in their speeches? *Looks further up the dialogue script* Oh. The Mystery Voice people. I can’t believe I didn’t see their names. *Reads script again* Wait, they’re here to take this guy’s Wingull? Don’t those morons know how to READ? And since when has a Wingull been worth jack as a Poke’Mon anyway?

*The door flies off its hinges and smashes down onto the ground, revealing two people in Team Aqua uniforms. Cue astonished gasp sound effect.*

Mary-Sue: geez u dint hav 2 bang it open so hrd

Kenta: Actually, I think he only pushed it open gently, and the sissy hinges just broke like graham crackers . . . either that, or he was too stupid to turn the doorknob.

Aqua 2: shut up brat im leros

Aqua 1: and im kaira and were teem aqwa

Kenta: Uh-HUH . . . I thought Halloween had come a little too early this year.

Leros: shut up brat and-

Kenta: You just said that! I’m BORED already!

Kaira: give us al ur pokmon

Kenta: Okay, here you are . . . sike! *Flings Poke’Ball* You’re up, Slakoth! Combusken, you go kick their asses too!

Leros: hahahahaha ur pokmon r week go mityena

Kaira go crawdant

Kenta: A Mightyena and Crawdaunt-? . . . oh, sh-

*End Flashback*

So I was screwed. Despite how dumb these Aquas were, they actually had pretty good Poke’Mon. Well . . . better than mine, anyway. Due to some random knowledge that I got from some unknown source, I've decided Crawdaunt and Mightyena suck, but they didn't suck right then. And I was just getting really beaten on when Mary-Sue did something that made me lose all confidence as a man. If you don't mind, I'm now gonna flash back for the third time in less than two minutes.

*Flashback*

Leros: mityena us crunch

Kaira: crawdant vicegrip

Kenta: Alright, even though you guys are hopelessly slower and will never get an attack out . . . Combusken, Double Kick, Slakoth . . . oh dammit, don't do that Traunt thing on me now!

Slakoth: Slaaaaaa . . .

Mary-Sue: ill save u kenta go sucun us surf

Suicune: CUUUUUUUNE! *Surf*

Leros/Kaira: aaaaaaaaaaaa we giv up ull pay 4 this next tim

Mary-Sue: whew that was clos u ok kenta

Kenta: . . . .

Mary-Sue: wat

Kenta: Is that Suicune?!

Mary-Sue: ya

Kenta: Where the @#$% did you get a SUICUNE??!!

Mary-Sue: i told u i had it now lets go 2 iland

Kenta: Wait! Woah, woah, woah! I've put up with a lot of your weirdness already; your underage possession of Poke'Mon, your odd bad-grammar dialect, and your story about being raised by Celebi, but this crosses the line! We're not taking another step until you tell me-

Mary-Sue: *Already riding her Suicune on the water* u commin

Kenta: H-hey, don't leave without me!

*End Flashback*

So with one Surf attack, Mary-Sue's Suicune (can those words even be used together in a sentence like that?) took out the Aquas, with their own element. I still don't get why they were stalking around old man Britany's hut in the first place, or where the water for Surf came, or why it knocked out both the Aquas' Poke'Mon (especially their Crawdaunt) but didn't even injure them. But you know what? If I thought the world was smoking pot by then, I had yet to see just how bad it was on Dewford Island. Despite the fact that it should've taken us four or five hours to get from the Petalburg beach shore to Dewford, we made it there in a little over a minute. And that's including the random Poke'Mon battles we had along the way.

*Flashback*

*Scene shifts to a whole line of Tentacool passed out in the water, looking like bobbers floating on the waves*

Kenta: Alright Ralts, nice work. Take a breather.

Mary-Sue: lok were here

Kenta: Are you serious?? Man . . . that was fast. Hey, I never noticed it before, but you can see your reflection in the water. Heh, where have I been all my life?

Mary-Sue: ya u can c urself

Kenta: I never thought about it, but I have a giant head . . . I'm like a powerpuff girl, only not as bug-eyed. Heh, sometimes I wonder how they support all that weight.

Mary-Sue: same way u do lets go fite braly

Kenta: Wait, how did you know the gym leader here was named Brawly?

Mary-Sue: hurry up

Kenta: . . . why do I even bother?

Random guy: Hi! I like what's hip, happening, and trendy! Listen, have you heard about these new Spoink Muffins? Of course you have!

Kenta: Um, hello. Odd way to break the ice.

Random guy: I mean come on, Spoink Muffins . . . it's the hottest thing in cool! No matter where you go, Spoink Muffins is the-

Kenta: EXCUSE ME! Are you high or something? You're going on about . . . about some 'Spoink Muffins' . . . and I don't even know who the hell you are!

Random guy: My name's Random Guy! Aren't you paying attention to the script?

Kenta: I'm not sure I can trust the script anymore . . . I've already seen three people in it with the worst grammar in the history of language arts. And what idiot names their kid 'Random Guy'?

Random Guy: Hey, if I had a name, the makers of this game would have given me one.

Kenta: Game? What game? Are you @#$%ing insane??

Random Guy: Spoink muffins, spoink muffins, spoink muffins, spoink muffins!!

Mary-Sue: lol hes crazy

Kenta: (Note to self . . . avoid eye contact with every civilian in this town . . . and maybe the gym leader, too.)

*End Flashback*

Okay, well anyway, the day ended right after we checked in to the local Poke'Mon Center, even though I didn't get to have any meals and we were supposed to still have a good thirteen hours of sunlight left. I've decided not to question it, because it's kind of pointless. But I'm calling it a night, and by tomorrow, my Poke'Mon should be healed enough to take on Brawly at the gym. Badge 2, here I come! . . . if I don't get eaten by a wild crab or some random event like that.

-Kenta
 

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

NO.

This is an English speaking forum. No one can read what you wrote in your first post. Even Babelfish can't translate it. Take your time when you are typing and put this in SPELL CHECK.

This mispellings don't even make sense. They are TALKING, not spelling words out. This isn't a "parody" either. Go look that word up while you are reading the Advice thread and your school grammar book.
 
My grammar book is just fine! Thats just an insult right there!

Most of the people were supposed to have bad grammar, duh!
 

sandos

Don't Blink
Okay, this was a bit of an improvement, well done on making it longer. But apart from that...it was still very low in quality. It is good for a random sort of piece of nonsense, but those don't tend to go down well in these forums. Heh, there should be a 'Random Fics' Section. But until there is...wriring does not seem to be your thing. And I've noticed Animal mentions. Are Animals in this fic aswell? But still, before long this will be closed by Dragonfree or Zephyr Flare or someone other Mod-shame. I so wish there was a random fics section...

~sandos;448;
 

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
Most of the people were supposed to have bad grammar, duh!
I was talking about you.

Anyways, the quality is terrible. It seems like you're hiding behind low quality by trying to pass this off as a parody. Honestly, it doesn't work.

You need to think your jokes through and make sure that they are funny, not immature. Profanity and poop jokes alone won't cut it. Watch Yugioh: The Abridged Series or read Iceking's OT parody if you want see a good example.
 
Last edited:
abliged

Okay, this was a bit of an improvement, well done on making it longer. But apart from that...it was still very low in quality. It is good for a random sort of piece of nonsense, but those don't tend to go down well in these forums. Heh, there should be a 'Random Fics' Section. But until there is...wriring does not seem to be your thing. And I've noticed Animal mentions. Are Animals in this fic aswell? But still, before long this will be closed by Dragonfree or Zephyr Flare or someone other Mod-shame. I so wish there was a random fics section...

~sandos;448;
Alright! I'll try harder, with a different ff and it'll be better!!
 

Sammi

Banned
Normal 'Story' format and script = no-no. Even if you claim this is a parody, this is still pathetic. The Sue's bad grammar wasn't even funny, it's more like you lamely thought it up to make it either comical, or because you thought it was funny.

And you try to open it as a typoed Role Play? For what, more parody purpose?

Once again you exectuted a fic badly. Go read the ADVICE THREAD. Also your own character borders mary sueness. Sixteen and already a blackbelt AND a sword master? Over Achivement FTL.

Err, my friend was 7 and already a Blackbelt. >.>;; but for sword master... O_O WTF

Anyhoo, yeah. The Mary Sue was stupid... Bad grammar. Yeah, real funny. And I;m beaing sarcastic.
 
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