• We're currently experiencing a minor issue with our email system preventing emails for new registrations and verifications going out. We're currently working to fix this
  • Be sure to join the discussion on our discord at: Discord.gg/serebii
  • If you're still waiting for the e-mail, be sure to check your junk/spam e-mail folders

Holon Champions

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
Latest Update @ 7/13/06: Chapter 2 has been revamped to due to the last version not maintaining a level quality that my readers prefer. Another reason I chose to rewrite it was for it to foreshadow a major story arc and assist in getting the story moving, which the filler-esque previous version did not do. The blackout plot device does not make an appearance in this version because it simply didn't fit. Takeo turning into Superman and speeding back towards Slateport, hell no. Maybe later, but not now. It takes me a week or two to write a chapter now that I've gotten the hang of it. Also, please let me know if I'm over-describing and boring you in certain places. It is my goal to keep you interested and entertained. I hope that Chapter 2 is an improvement over the last one. I personally think it is, but remember it's the reader's job to leave at least a few opinions. I really appreciate responses.

Synopsis: ~When Takeo joined the ranks of the Pokemon G-Men: an elite organization devoted to ensuring the survival of humanity and Pokemon alike, he wasn’t expecting everyday of his life to be a desperate fight for survival. Now he and the Pokemon Ranger Hinata must unravel the many mysteries that the region of Holon conceals while trying to endure ruthless battles with bounty hunters, drug dealers, pirates, and genetically enhanced Pokemon; at the same time prevent an ancient war machine from destroying the world and the resurrection of a primordial beast hell-bent on the extermination of the human race.~

The rating is PG for now. If I have anything too mature for that I'll note the rating when I post that chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not take credit for creating Pokemon or any other form of media that I may reference in this fic. However I do take credit for any intricate storyline(s) that are seen in this fic.

PM List
Hanako Tabris
Literate
Strayed Bullet
Ray League Champion
katiekitten

Chapter 1 (PG)
Chapter 2 (PG-13)

Holon Champions

Prologue-

The dusk thickened. The shrill cries of the awakening Nincada echoed throughout the humid savannah, signifying the end of a lengthy day for the two archaeologists investigating the ruins situated in South Eastern Holon.

A tan, calloused hand was gently leaned against a wall that appeared to be of considerable age. The hand apparently belonged to a bulky, middle-aged man drenched from head to toe in sweat. The cold sweat dripped from his hard, weather worn face, accumulated from a seemingly endless day of work in a dimly lighted crypt.

As he stroked his coarse face, which was in need of shaving, he caressed the strange characters that appeared on the ruin wall with his rough hand, gradually releasing dust particles into the heavy air.

The heat radiating from the peculiar characters carved into the wall soothed his exhausted body. The man, completely enthralled with the myriad of shapes and symbols, found himself on the sandy floor in a true state of bliss.

“Professor Diego!” The raspy voice of an aged man, throat itchy with dust, yelled out at the collapsed body as he ran as hard as he could to his fallen colleague.

“Oh, he won’t wake up.” The pompous voice of a confident man in his late twenties echoed throughout the ancient tomb.

The old man could hear the loud footsteps coming closer. He glanced at Professor Diego who appeared to have ceased breathing. Horror gripped his aged heart as he contemplated the insidious death that could befall him, as the clatter of the footsteps grew near.

“Do you know what I hate?” The voice called out again making the old man shudder. “The smell of middle class old people infesting sacred ground, a.k.a. my self proclaimed private property.”

The louder the voice grew, the more the man shuddered, until a gorgeous young man, dressed in a white tuxedo with matching Arbok skinned shoes, stepped out of the shadows.

As he stroked his gleaming blond hair, he said, “Apparently, the Unown who inhabit these walls don’t like your scent either. Or else they wouldn’t have claimed your colleague’s soul out of sheer aggravation.”

A puzzled look fell upon the old man’s face. He summoned up the courage to address the intimidating young man, “What, what are you-” He couldn’t finish his sentence. The dust still irritated his throat and he was completely terrified of the wealthy looking man who stood before him.

The man in the exceedingly lavish tuxedo, normally reserved for businessmen of high status spoke again. “Let me make an attempt to explain the predicament that you’re in. The Unown of this tomb are like children. They get bored. From time to time, weak-minded individuals such as yourself and that professor are attracted here by the subtle aura that this temple gives off.”

The man began pacing. “Once you come into contact with the walls, the Unown attempt to induce illusions of your greatest desires. If your mind is strong enough, you can manipulate the spell as you see fit and perhaps bend reality.”

The old man’s fears finally dissipated. “Why exactly would they have a reason for bringing us here? Why-” He was cut off by the wealth.

“Because they’re feeding it.” For some reason he began to chuckle. “Prime requires human souls as fuel in order for it to resurrect Solomon…”

“You’re speaking in riddles. What exactly do you mean?”

The man glanced at his watch. “Well, I’ve got a plane to catch at 7:30 and a ritual to perform now. I’m sorry, but you’ve to go.”

The ground began to rumble. The characters on the walls became engulfed in a lavender colored aura. Thousands of black shapes emerged from the walls, swirling around the chamber at incredible speeds.

The aged man felt his heart racing. His muscles grew weak as the speed of the Unown increased. He could no longer support himself, so he fell to his knees.

The man in white walked over to him and placed his smooth hand on the old man’s head. “You have been quite entertaining. When you become one with Deoxys Prime, always remember that your sacrifice helped humanity stay on the path toward a greater future.”

In the dying man’s last breaths he managed to mumble, “I’ll see you in Hell…”

The wealthy young man replied, “I guess that’s true. When Solomon is completed I’ll be running that place too.” He grinned. “Time to wake up Prime! I’ve got an empire to build!”

The Unown began chirping furiously as they swirled, engulfing both men in a sea of black symbols.
 
Last edited:

StrayedBullet

OMFG................
Well it''s off to a very interesting start, it's something different here as well, which is good. The character of the wealthy guy also intrigues me. Just one thing:

“I’m sorry[B;[/B] I’ve got a plane to catch at 7:30 and a ritual to perform now.
Anyways, it's looking promising. I'll keep reading this one...

-SB ;001;
 

Breezy

Well-Known Member
You use words well. They flow together nicely. Usually five-dollar words stick out and are read awkwardly for me. But yay.

So do they actually really die when the Unown's engulfed them? Or do they instead became part of the Deoxys Prime you were talking about earlier? Bree wonders if they'll be lost inside the Solomon forever.

Is the Unown temple really on the rich guy's property? Because if it were, wouldn't they need his permission to investigate into it? Yes, I know I'm just being snipey here lol.

I'm curious how the rich guy isn't affected by the Unowns. Strong will power? Don't we all have great desires and weaknesses that the Unowns can take over?

It's an intriguing fic though. I look forward to the next chapter.

LaTeR dAyZ!
 

Astinus

Well-Known Member
Breezy can't handle five dollar words. xP

A fic that has...no grammar issues! I didn't spot any here, so you did well in that sense.

Description was good. You could describe the settings and even throw in a little bit of characterization with the description! The Arbok-skin shoes were a nice touch to add to make the rich man that much more...rich.

If you don't mind, I'm just going to watch over this story. It's a good one, and I want to see what happens.
 

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
Thanks for the comments!

Sorry, but Chapter 1 has nothing to do with the prolouge like I originally intended. It just got too long, so I had to cut a lot of stuff out. I hope it still entertains you all enough until I get Chapter 2 up soon to advance the plot.

Chapter 1-

Thunderous roars erupted from Slateport City’s Battle Festa coliseum, indicating the nearness of the upcoming and final match. Disregarding the seemingly unbearable level of humidity, coupled with the high temperature, it appeared as if every able body in the open-roof stadium stood up cheering and stomping, rupturing the whole arena with the fury of a magnitude eight earthquake.

Takeo sat on a wooden bench in the locker room located on the eastern side of the Battle Festa coliseum, listening to his name being chanted by the eager crowd. His opal colored eyes appeared to be fixated on the apparent nothingness of the gray room. He ran his fingers through his soft, conditioned brown hair before reaching into the pocket of his navy blue windbreaker. He pulled out a pair of headphones and plugged them into the watch-like PokeGear, which he wore on his right wrist.

Takeo glanced at his Medicham, which was leaning against a group of lockers with its arms folded. Medicham walked over to the bench Takeo was sitting on and sat down beside its trainer. Using its frail, opaque arms it lifted up one of Takeo’s earpieces and placed it under the red flap on its head.

Medicham’s trainer fit the other headphone into his ear and repeatedly pressed a black button on his PokeGear until he came across a rap song that he enjoyed. Nodding his head up and down, Takeo began to sing the hook out loud while the Pokemon that sat beside him hummed the beat, “Feraligatr boots… with the pimped out Gucci suits… ain’t got no job… but I stay shy! Can’t pay my rent… Cause all my money spent… but that’s okay… Cause I’m still fly! Got a quarter tank of gas… in my new E-Class… but that’s all right… Cause I’m gon’ ride! Got everything… in my momma name… but I’m hood rich… La-Da-Da-Da-Da!”

The crowd let out another thunderous roar and began chanting Takeo’s name again. Then the booming voice of the tournament’s announcer forced Takeo to stop singing his song.

The eccentric voice announced, “Will the Battle Festa finalists immediately report to their corresponding trainer booths! The show must go on!” The already excited crowd let loose a series of deafening roars that rivaled the likes of the Legendary Dogs.

“Well Cham, I guess we better get down to the field. If we win I’ll treat you to lunch.” Takeo grinned widely, flashing his trademark white teeth that made legions of girls constantly pursue him. Takeo and Medicham proceeded out of the dull locker room and gallantly walked down the pitch-black tunnel, heads held up high, until they reached the light at the end.

Takeo and Medicham were welcomed with an enormous round of applause. Feeling the heat from the sun, Takeo walked over to the comfort Trainer’s Booth, which consisted of a large tent, a bench, and water coolers filled with Gatorade. He removed his blue jacket, which revealed a sleeveless black T-shirt. He then tightened the laces on his black shoes and then rejoined his Medicham inside the rectangular trainer’s box, outlined in white paint on the rocky field.

“Our opponents still haven’t shown up yet… strange. What could they possibly be doing?” After noticing the long absence of his opponent, Takeo turned around to address his Medicham, who was now in the Trainer’s Booth holding the orange Gatorade cooler over his head and letting the juice plummet into his mouth like a waterfall, coloring the majority of his body in red liquid.

Takeo felt his heart skip a beat. For the first time all week, the Battle Festa stadium was completely silent. All eyes were on Medicham, who lately noticed the stillness of the coliseum and turned to face his trainer.

Takeo focused his eyes Medicham, who was oblivious to the reason why everyone was staring at him, and thought to himself, “Does he have to embarrass me every time?”

Cocking one his eyebrows, Takeo furiously yelled, “Medicham! What the hell do you think you’re doing! We have a fraggin’ battle soon and you’re drinking up all the damned Gatorade! Don’t you know-”

Takeo’s yelling was cut short by the clamorous cheering of the crowd. Takeo looked around to see what the cause of the commotion was until he noticed the shape of a massive figure emerging from the darkness of the tunnel on his opponents side of the field. He could feel the vibrations of the colossal footsteps as the figure slowly came into the light.

“Nosepass, use Zap Cannon!”

Takeo could see a bright blue light in the shape of a large nose in the shadows of the tunnel. Suddenly, an enormous stream of yellow electricity flowed from the giant’s nose, which was now identified as a Nosepass, and traveled into the air above the stadium, exploding into stunning display of fireworks, mesmerizing everyone in the crowd. The crowd applauded for the beautiful demonstration presented by the statue-like Pokemon, Nosepass, and its trainer, who was now standing inside the box painted on the field.

Takeo observed his opponent, which appeared to be a girl around the same age of himself, fifteen. Her dark green hair didn’t distract him nearly as much as her wide, circular glasses, which cast a glare that commanded his attention. The sunlight made her white tank top appear brighter than usual, adding to the amount of eyes that were focusing on her.

Medicham, pride damaged from the lack of attention he was getting, walked to the middle of the field and started directing various cries to his opponents, apparently insults. Takeo was also disturbed by the lack of attention he was receiving but he told Medicham to calm down anyway.

Medicham, ignoring his trainer’s demand, raised its fist and forced it into the ground, which resulted in numerous trails of cracks spreading out from the epicenter of the attack. Medicham continued to yell incomprehensible cries until the booming voice of the announcer on the intercom interrupted him.

“The final match of the Battle Festa tournament will be fought between two Pokemon only and no more! Will the two trainers please prepare themselves and their Pokemon! This battle will begin in three, two, one, now!”

“Nosepass, Zap Cannon!” The girl trainer, now known as Ayane, quickly ordered her Pokemon to use the same electrical attack that it flaunted a few minutes earlier.

The large, red nose of the stone giant Nosepass, glowed blue and released a massive surge of yellow electricity in Medicham’s direction, leaving two walls of dust in its path.

Medicham, reacting without the command of its trainer, took advantage of its agility and strafed to the side, barely avoiding the electrical attack.

The surge of electrical energy was now speeding toward Takeo. Takeo, fearing for his life, instinctively rolled out of the path of the Zap Cannon, which obliterated the Trainer’s Booth, consuming it in the smoke from the explosion.

Takeo, now covered in dust and sand from the explosion, jumped to his feet and quickly thought, “I see their strategy now. The purpose of the first Zap Cannon they used was to intimidate us, not appeal to the crowd. They also wanted to get a sense of how we would react to a display like that, subtlety hinting at our battle style. The second Zap Cannon was used to get Medicham off balance! They were well aware that the attack wouldn’t hit him at that range because of its speed, so they’ll most likely use some other attack to take him out while his guards down. So I’m gonna have to counter-attack or Medicham’s going to take a lot of damage!” At the top of his lungs he yelled, “Medicham! Quick, use Focus Punch!

Medicham, hearing his trainer’s orders, attempted to move but found himself numb all over his body, unable to move. Tiny traces of electricity traveled across his body, forcing his muscles to tighten, completely disabling any movements it could make.

“Why can’t Medicham move? Zap Cannon never even hit it!” As Takeo continued to think, the heat and humidity forced his body temperature slowly rise, making sweat from his neck drip down onto his chest, soaking his black shirt.

Smirking, Ayane yelled, “Nosepass, Body Slam!”
Takeo, surprised by the attack just called out, thought, “How can it use Body Slam? Nosepass’ hardly ever move at all!”

Nosepass, hearing its trainer’s order, made its nose glow blue and levitated off of the ground, spreading sand in every direction from beneath its tiny stone feet. It then swiftly hovered toward Medicham, leaving a wall of sand in its wake.

Medicham, still unable to move because of its paralysis condition, was rammed by the large rock Pokemon and forced into a large rock formation nearby, with the blue nosed Nosepass pinning his frail body.

Ayane, confident by her seemingly imminent victory addressed Takeo and said, “If you’re wondering why your Medicham couldn’t move,”

Takeo cut her off, “I don’t care! Medicham and I aren’t done yet!”

Hearing Takeo’s reply, Ayane thought, “Nosepass’ sensitivity to magnetism allows it to surround itself in an electromagnetic bubble, temporarily giving it the ability to levitate. Time’s almost up though, so I’m going to have to put an end to this battle! Nosepass, use Zap Cannon! Nothing can survive against an attack of the magnitude at point blank range."

Nosepass, still pinning Medicham against the pillar of rock, slowly began gathering energy. Its blue nose glowed brighter with each passing second.

With a sense of urgency in his voice, Takeo yelled, “Medicham! Remember Gator Boots? Just relax!”

Medicham recalled himself and Takeo listening to music before the battle. He let the song run through his head, relaxing his muscles, negating the effect of its paralysis condition, allowing it to find an opening and squeeze himself out of Nosepass’ bind. Using the strength of his wide, red legs, he leaped away from his enemy, leaving Nosepass facing the rock formation while he was nine feet behind it.

Takeo then barked, “Medicham, activate Pure Power!”

Medicham, now in his battle stance, surrounded himself in a white aura. Small traces of gravel began to circulate around his body in a twister like fashion.

Nosepass, now fully charged and still floating, turned around to face Medicham. An enormous stream of electricity, larger than the ones before it, rocketed towards Medicham.

Medicham, with the massive increase in strength from Pure Power, soared into the air using his legs, narrowly avoiding the Zap Cannon attack.

The surge of electricity continued to flow towards Ayane’s side of the field, the very thought of the inaccuracy of her finishing move astonishing her. The explosion from the Zap Cannon sent a plume of smoke and sand into the air. The gusts from blast blew the large glasses off of Ayane’s face.

Takeo, noticing the grounded Nosepass and Medicham’s opportunity to attack, yelled, “Medicham, Focus Punch!”

Medicham, now in the air far above the field, raised his fist, which appeared to have transformed into a large orb of vibrant white light. Medicham threw his glowing fist, propelling himself downwards, striking the stationary Nosepass right on its stone head.

The impact of the attack encased the two Pokemon in a vast sphere of white energy, scattering high-speed gusts across the entire field. The crowd remained silent. When the winds ceased, a large column of dust and smoke flowed into the air, diminishing any signs of a survivor standing after the attack.

A soft breeze gently swept across the field, cooling the sweat on Takeo’s forehead and clearing up some of the field’s visibility. Takeo began to make out the shadow of a lean, human shaped Pokemon standing on top of what appeared to be a large pile of rocks.

After what seemed to be an unbearable minute of anticipation, the dust finally settled, revealing Medicham standing motionless on top of a defeated Nosepass, which was stricken with cracks and splits in its granite body. The crowd roared, completely satisfied with the battle and the outcome of the match.

Ayane, full of tears in her eyes, ran over to her lifeless Nosepass, resting her head on the conquered Pokemon.

Takeo sprinted towards his Medicham, catching it before it fell onto the ground. Proud of his now unconscious Pokemon, he embraced it for the incredible comeback. Surprised, he looked at the grieving Ayane who was ferociously glaring at him, eyes pouring at tears.

Gritting her teeth, Ayane muttered, “Damned Takeo, I’ll get you for this… you and that damn Medicham…”

To be continued...​

NEVER again will I devote an ENTIRE chapter to one battle without advancing the story. If I get enough complaints I'll change it, but please understand that five MS Word pages is long enough for a casual reader. I really wanted to have the guy from the prolouge make an appearance, but if this chapter turns out to lack too much substance I'll make more edits.

Yes, the whole Gator Boots thing was random, but I just happened to be listening to that song while I was writing this. And if you're wondering how Nosepass could float, I decided to spare you all the techno babble. If you must know, PM me about it. I'll also do a PM list if anyone is interested.
 
Last edited:

Astinus

Well-Known Member
I'll be on the PM list. ^^

Heck no is five pages too long for a battle! It was well executed, because you described the battle. I was able to picture exactly what was happening in my head, because you described the attacks, instead of just saying the name.

And you don't have to apologise for the first chapter having nothing to do witht the first chapter. There's no rule that says you have to have the two related. ^^

Just one really odd thing: You keep on forgetting words. I noticed a lot more instances where you forgot actual words. You might want to watch out for that, and read through your chapter to make sure that you have all the words that you need.

I like this...I like it a lot. ^^

This is just on Literate's response. Actually, according to Microsoft Word, it's spelled correctly. Got you there. xP
 
Last edited:

Literate

black cat, black cat
Slateport City’s Battle Festa coliseum
All eyes were on Medicham, who lately noticed the stillness of the coliseum and turned to face his trainer.
That's spelt wrong. I know it... I just don't know how to spell it correctly.

Ah well, seems interesting. With all the sparks going around with trainer battles and double battles, I seem to want to revive my story. ^.^

But yeah, this is pretty good. PM listy me. ^.^

~PEACE~
 

StrayedBullet

OMFG................
Good, add me to the PM list. 5 pages for a battle is in no way too long, if anything its a bit short. Your description is excellent, which aids the story in flowing so well. Very interesting, but I am eager to see what this has to do with the prologue...

-SB ;001;
 
R

Ray_League_Champion

Guest
This is shaping up to be a great fic. The description is excellent, I almost felt like a member of the crowd watching that match. The prologue was also very good leving us on a cliffhanger. I know it can be boring but remember to proofread your story well before posting, this will help to avoid any missing words. Please add me to the PM list.
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
This is really good! I enjoyed it very much. :) Could you put me on the PM list?

Don't worry, the battle scene was lovely. It allowed us to get to know the character and his pokemon, which was very nice.

The beginning was great! I really enjoyed it as well. A nice way to introduce the piece. Don't worry about the first chapter not having snything to do with it, it is fine. =D

A few little typos here and there, but that is easily sorted. I'll put them below...

A tan, calloused hand was gently leaned against a wall that
appeared to be of considerable age. The hand apparently belonged to a bulky, middle-aged man drenched from head to toe in sweat. The cold sweat dripped from his hard, weather worn face, accumulated from a seemingly endless day of work in a dimly lighted crypt.
Sorry, repetitiveness has always annoyed me. >.< The two hands also slightly niggled me, but as that is hard to change, nevermid. With the second 'sweat', you could change it to liquid. I think it would still work. But that is just my opinion, keep it there is you like. :)

Booth holding the orange Gatorade cooler over his and letting the juice plummet into his mouth like a waterfall,
Of his what? XD

“I don’t care! Medicham and aren’t done yet!”
Missing an 'I' imbetween 'and' + 'aren't'. :)

That's all I can find, great job! Other than those, I do have a little point to make. You seem to constantly have to comment on what the color of something is. I do the same thing, and here it seems a bit much. Maybe cut down a little? But again, it is just me. Your decision. :)

This was a truly wondeful read. I look forward to more in the future! Keep up the good work!
 

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
I hope that you guys like this one better. Sorry for any inconvienence.

Chapter 2(revamp)-

Three days later, Takeo and his now fully recovered Medicham were sitting at a lunch table in the Slateport City Pokemon Center. The lobby that they were in contained only a few visiting trainers, due to the finale of the tournament. Takeo, mouth full of the burger he was eating, uttered, “For the last time, eat your berry Medicham.” Medicham, noticing the size of Takeo’s quarter-pound burger, ignored his trainer’s request by turning his cheek.

Nonchalantly, Takeo replied to the disobedience of his Pokemon by saying, “Whatever Cham, starve then. I hope you know that we’re walking to Mauville because I can’t afford the bus after that fine I had to pay. How many times do I have to tell you that girls do not like to be sexually assaulted by a Pokemon? Now give me back my burger!”

It was cloudy for a summer morning in Slateport. The port city was quiet with all of the tourists gone after the conclusion of the Battle Festa. The beach was covered with wild Zigzagoon and Wingull, which were trying to scavenge whatever trash they could find left by the tourists.

“Hey, we better get going,” said Takeo as he stood up. “It would be best if we get to Mauville before it starts storming.” He put on his navy jacket, which appeared to be fading from the repeated washes it went through over the months that he had it. Takeo placed the straps of his beige backpack over his shoulders and proceeded out of the Pokemon Center with a slight limp in his walk, due to him narrowly avoiding the Zap Cannon attack and landing on his knee. Medicham scraped the crumbs off of Takeo’s plate and caught up with him as the glass doors of the Pokemon Center slid open.

A gentle breeze graced Takeo’s face as he inhaled the fresh, ocean air of the port city. For a short moment he tasted serenity, as he stood on the granite pavement observing the tranquility of the marine life in the ocean. In his home city Mauville, he hardly ever saw sights like a pod of Wailmer or the ballad of a Luvdisc, as it elegantly dances upon the waves, conquering the very tides itself. Never shackled to the will of the ocean surf.

Mauville City was different though. Located in the heart of Hoenn, with its dense population, towering skyscrapers, and roads which branched out in every direction, made it difficult for one to catch a glimpse of nature’s beauty.

Takeo followed the paved road, observing the intricate patterns carved into the granite. As he walked, he noticed several old buildings, some hundreds of years old, but still as sturdy as a Contest Hall. It didn’t take Takeo and Medicham long to reach the West half of Slateport City, which was primarily a busy commercial zone. The street Takeo walked down was lined with markets, tents, food carts, and mobile restaurants. It was buzzing with life as everyone rushed from store to store trying to catch the sales and get the best deals.
“Finally, we’re here,” Takeo said as stopped in front of a large white building with a dome roof that was painted blue. “Sit tight while I pick up some supplies from the PokeMart. Don’t touch anyone either Medicham. I don’t have that much money left.”

Takeo walked towards the glass door of the PokeMart until he heard shouting from inside the store. “Stop thief!” A deep voice bellowed.

The glass door slid open as a short man dressed in a neon orange shirt and khaki pants darted out of the PokeMart. His orange bandana and black sunglasses masked the color of his hair and eyes. Using both his arms he held several small bottles against his chest. He halted at the sight of Takeo and Medicham. A few of the bottles dropped from arms and broke on impact with the ground, revealing tiny pills.

“You’ll never take me alive little boy,” The petite man hissed, his voice raspy from many years of smoking. “Graveler! Pinsir! Get those two out of my way!”

The thief released one of his arms, dropping more bottles. He reached into his pocket and withdrew two Pokeballs, immediately throwing them into the air. The red and white colored balls burst open with dazzling streams of light, revealing a pair of Pokemon. One was shaped liked a boulder, with four craggy arms extruding from its body. The other resembled a large Stag Beetle. Its two menacing horns were covered with sharp thorns. The jagged claws of the brown beetle appeared to be an even larger threat.

Takeo looked as calm as ever. The man in the orange shirt however began to sweat as more and more people assembled around the entrance of the Pokemart, anxious to know what all the commotion was about. “You won’t need me help handling these two will you?” Takeo asked Medicham with a great sense of confidence in his tone. Medicham casually advanced toward the two Pokemon with his arms behind his back.

The thief seemed disgusted at Takeo’s question and barked, “You obnoxious little fart! Pinsir Dig! Graveler, run both of those little toothpicks over with your Rollout!”

The insect Pokemon Pinsir voraciously clawed at the stone beneath its feet, dispersing the gravel and vanishing beneath the earth. The Graveler curled itself into a rock-strewn ball and rapidly rolled toward the perfectly relaxed Medicham, rupturing the ground and demolishing the beautiful patterns along the brick walkway.

Medicham still had his arms behind his back as he strafed to his right with one fluent movement, effortlessly avoiding the speeding boulder. As Medicham’s feet made contact with the ground, Pinsir emerged from the earth behind him, shielded by a veil of soil and dirt. Its large curved horns opened up around Medicham, ready to mince his frail body with one mighty grip.

Pinsir’s thorn covered horns began to enclose on Medicham. Medicham did not move his arms out of their previous positions as he propelled himself into the air, seemingly hovering over the horns that almost crushed him. Still in the air, Medicham twisted itself around and kicked Pinsir in its face with a mammoth sized force, scattering bits and pieces of its iron-like hide. Pinsir flew back from the powerful kick that Medicham delivered and collided with Graveler as it rolled toward Medicham for a second time.

Graveler did not lose any velocity when Pinsir collided with it and continued to speed toward Medicham. Pinsir was just flattened and tossed out of the way due to Graveler’s increase in speed and power. Medicham avoided Graveler’s attack again, this time by leaping into the air. Graveler rolled towards its trainer, gradually decreasing its speed until it uncurled itself. It began to pant and stagger from the effects of the repeated rolling.

The battle had attracted a rather large crowd. Everyone began to chant Takeo’s name. They apparently recognized him from the tournament. Takeo smirked as he said, “Give up now. You’ve lost. Return your Pokemon or I’ll have Medicham actually use his arms next time. There’s no point in running either. No one could miss that orange shirt.”

The man was now dripping with sweat. His free hand was trembling as he removed his sunglasses, which revealed a pair of large, vein stricken eyes. He gritted his teeth as he observed all of the people around him. The man dropped the remainder of the bottles he was holding and ran over into the crowd. He grabbed a girl and tightened his grip around her arm. He quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a switchblade. The crazed thief pressed the blade against the flesh of the girl’s tender neck. She screamed as the man slowly walked her away from the group of people.

“Promise me that you and the cops will give me safe passage to the harbor! If you don’t I’ll slit this girl’s throat and you can have her death on your conscious!”

A young man emerged from the crowd. The opulent look of his tuxedo wasn’t nearly as intimidating as his scarlet hair, which seemed to illuminate the whole street with its effervescent red sheen. His face was perfectly symmetrical and flawless as he set his intense gaze on the man who held the little girl hostage.

The crook’s eyes widened as he set them on the person who dared to walk towards the hostage. He began to tremble even harder as the scarlet haired man got closer to him. “Damn you Lance, if you come any closer…”The man said, obviously fearing the one known as Lance.

Lance took another step and replied, “You’ll do what? Scratch her with that dull box cutter of yours? Game over, little man.”

The man seemed possessed as he shouted, “Don’t push me Lance! I swear I’ll do it! I’ll cut this girl up and then drown myself in her blood!”

The agitated man took a few steps backwards and found himself back to back with someone. He turned his head and gasped, realizing that Medicham was leaning against him, with its arms crossed and head hung low. Before the astonished man could finish blinking, Medicham vigorously backhanded him, which sent him skidding along the ground. The man was on his knees, gripping his chest and violently coughing. He spit up small traces of blood, desperately gasping for breath. He grabbed his knife and slowly got to his feet, muttering, “Damned Takeo, I’ll get you for this… you and that damn Medicham…” The words stung Takeo like a sun burn, which forced him to think back to the last thing Ayane had said to him.

Time seemed to slow down for Takeo as the man charged with his knife. He couldn’t move, as if someone had wrapped him in chains and thrown him in the ocean, letting him sink towards a watery grave. The image of the dancing Luvdisc raced through his mind. The radiant gloss of its vibrant pink scales mesmerized him as it waltzed on top of the waves.

Suddenly, all that could be heard was the sound of a deafening thud. A gentle rain fell on the large gathering of people. The tiny drops of water cooled Takeo’s forehead as they slowly brought him back to reality. His eyes fell upon the motionless body of the thief. The stillness reminded him of the Nosepass that Medicham had previously defeated. The crowd began to disperse as the rain fell harder and the local authorities flooded the crime scene.

Takeo walked towards the dead man and placed the knife in his pocket. He stared down at the corpse and was saddened by the sight. Lance placed his hand on Takeo’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry Takeo, it wasn’t your Medicham. When you’re on the kind of drugs he was on, something’s going to give in eventually. In his case it was the heart. Come, I’ll get you some coffee.”

* * *

“Where exactly are we?” Takeo asked. His seemed to be a little more relaxed after his encounter with the crazed thief.

Lance was irritated at Takeo’s question. “We’re in the Pokemon Fan Club. Now hurry up and finish your coffee. The chairman has requested a meeting with you.”

There were quite a number of people with in the building. They appeared to be mingling and showing off their Pokemon. The atmosphere was friendly as the three great chandeliers suspended from the ceiling illuminated the large room. The walls were covered with portraits of magnificent looking Pokemon who seemed as if they could have easily placed first in any beauty contest.

Lance and Takeo proceeded up a spiral staircase and entered a room with four green couches and a massive window, which spanned the width of the whole room. Takeo saw that it was still raining. A rather stout man dressed in a forest green suit approached Takeo, who couldn’t help himself from staring at the man’s bushy white mustache. The aged man shook Takeo’s and said, “How are you young Takeo? Please sit down. We have much to discuss.”
Takeo took his seat on one of the green couches and replied, “I’m sure we do. We can start with your name.”

The chairman sat across from Takeo on another couch. He smirked as if he expected Takeo’s remark. “Are you always this calm?” He made a gesture with his hands that beckoned Lance to sit down. “You can call me Roger if you wish. Formalities aren’t necessary in this casual environment. Lance, I’m sure that Takeo as many questions. Perhaps it would be best if you clear a few things up for him.”

Lance turned his head towards the boy. “That was your first time witnessing sometime die, wasn’t it?”

Takeo’s eyes were fixed on the velvet carpet beneath him. “No, it wasn’t. I’ve seen worse…” he responded in a low tone.

“You know, you never have to see anyone die again. You actually have the skills and potential to save lives and make a real difference in this world.”

“I’m not interested in that save the world tripe. This world is diseased and dying. It can’t be saved. All you’re referring to is another broken dream, giving me all the more reason to just enjoy the rest of my life.”

Roger and Lance chuckled at what Takeo had said. “You want to know what a broken dream is?” Roger asked. “It’s the dream of every ten year old boy in the world who believe that they can actually spend the rest of their lives running around and collecting plastic, striving to be the best. They seem to be oblivious to the fact that there will always be someone ten times better than they will ever be. Now Lance is going to offer you an opportunity to turn your life into something meaningful and of worth.”

“You mean to serve a purpose and your best interests. I’ll hear what you two have to say though.” Takeo turned his head towards Lance, who stood up and began pacing around the room.

“You’re probably wondering who we are,” Lance said as strolled around the room. “Roger here is the chairman of the Pokemon Fan Club, a major financial contributor to the privately owned Pokemon G-Men, which I happen to be a member and representative of.”

Takeo, curious as to what Lance was rambling about asked, “What’s the Pokemon G-Men?”

Lance smirked, delighted that he had gotten Takeo’s attention. “Pokemon G-Men are underground workers that operate to fight crime, generally by disguising themselves and infiltrating the base of the enemy. Of course, we do much more than keeping the peace. Yes, it’s a private organization, but it is also approved by the Pokemon League and the government.”
“Sounds important,” Takeo said. “But what does all of this have to do with me? Another thing that has been bothering me though was when the thief ran out of the PokeMart, he looked at me like he recognized me, and he mentioned something about me arresting him.”

“He probably thought that you were an undercover cop or G-Man. You had Medicham out of his Pokeball when you were walking down the street. It’s against the law to do that when you’re in a crowded commercial zone. The reason that I’m talking to you right now is because when I watched you and Medicham battle the other day, I saw unlimited potential. I was originally here in Hoenn on a routine business trip to the Pokemon Fan Club. It turns out that Roger also saw your battle.”

“Lance, you mentioned drugs earlier.” Takeo was now eager to learn more about Lance and his operations.

Lance sighed when Takeo said that. “The name of the man who attacked you and robbed that PokeMart is Tyrone Biggums. I’ve been tracking his movements and monitoring him for months. He apparently got a hold of a new wonder drug that amplifies the body’s natural abilities, granting an increase in speed, strength, dexterity, and adrenaline. Over the counter Pokemon medication can temporarily suppress the deadly side affects.”

“That’s why he was so desperate and robbed that store. He knew was about to die.” Takeo acknowledged.

Roger intervened in the conversation. “This new drug also has similar affects on Pokemon. I get the feeling that this drug wasn’t meant for humans though. When used on Pokemon, the physical attributes skyrocket, even more than when used on a human. The side affects are still painful, but not as deadly as when a human takes the drug. Being the chairman of the Pokemon Fan Club also means that I’m an advocate of Pokemon humanitarian rights. This drug is a plague and unfair to the Pokemon affected by it. I am proud to sponsor the Pokemon G-Men. Takeo, this is your chance to turn your life into something meaningful. Join the G-Men. If this world is so diseased, then don’t leave it the way you found it.”

Roger’s words struck home for Takeo. He looked at Lance and said, “I’ll need some gear first.”

Lance laughed at Takeo’s reaction. “All the tools and equipment you’ll need are with your partner, Hinata. She’s a very talented ranger from Fiore. Hinata is also the one who will be briefing you on your first mission, which begins tonight.”

Takeo’s jaw dropped. “How did you have a partner ready for me when I just agreed? How did I end up with a mission that fast?”

Lance and Roger walked towards the door. “My advice to you is to get some rest. Trust me, you’re going to have a long night.”

To be continued...​
 
Last edited:
R

Ray_League_Champion

Guest
That was a good chaptrer however I think Lance's entrance was a bit undercooked. He just came up to the guy and asked him to go on a possibly life-threatening mission. I also thought you could have explained the power outage better.
 

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
The Lance entrance was a bit random. I thought I had explained that well enough for now but I guess not. For the sake of continuity this won't be the last time it's mentioned.

Eww... the power outage thing was lacking in detail. Seems kinda filler-ish now. It had its purpose though. It wasn't meant to be a major situation or event in the plot. But shame on me for my lack of effort. I apoligize for not living up to that five-star rating.
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
This is just on Literate's response. Actually, according to Microsoft Word, it's spelled correctly. Got you there. xP
It is? >.> That's my broken memory for you. >.>

Anyways, it was kind of going too fast for my taste. :| So yeah, you don't have that air around it and I don't think he could figure something like that. I don't know but that was a bit too rushed.

My little observance.

~Literate
 
This is an intriguing story. The plot is well thought out, the grammar is good, and the spelling is good as well.
Blitzkrieg said:
Medicham, still unable to move because of its paralysis condition, was rammed by the large rock Pokemon and forced into a large rock formation
One of the things I noticed though, times like these, there is repetativeness. We got "large rock" twice in the same sentance. I saw that about three times, but all I'm saying is to try not to be too repetative. The last chapter seems rushed. You didn't describe new mauville's interior, and The whole episode seemed to fly by. Other than that, the only thing I noticed was the fact that you didn't describe the places. I have no idea what mauville looked like, or what he saw riding back from new mauville. But overall, this story has a lot of potential. Keep up the good work!
Over and out,;198;
 
Last edited:

shadowlight

Fraught With Peril
this is a very good fic
I can't wait for the next chapter
 

Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
Thanks for pointing out my god awful mistakes. I'll work on describing the settings better. That was just horrible on my part. Now that I think about it, things did happen a little fast.

Thanks for the reviews. I'll try not to disappoint you again Literate.
 

Astinus

Well-Known Member
I'm with Literate on the pace of the chapter. It feels like you skimped out on certain parts, so there feels like a few plot holes, at least to me. Perhaps I'm just tired.

But, yes...Lance's sudden appearance wasn't good. I don't know. This review isn't going to be up to snuff. xP

Eh...whatelse can I say?
 
Top