How did I do describing a Nidorino?

[FlamingRuby]

See, I'm writing a comedy one shot based on the Looney Tunes short "Ducking the Devil (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vK5HPJ_lpuY), and I've picked a Nidorino as the Pokeworld's answer to Taz.

But how did I do describing the Nidorino when it gets out of its crate?

This is the scene:

The other keepers backed away as the lock holding the Pokemon inside popped off, allowing the box's occupant access to the open. All the birds fluttered away in panic as a medium sized long eared reptile emerged from the box, its purple scales glistening in the sun. Even more striking were the barbs on its face and the row of barbs on its back--all of which contained enough poison to kill off both the group of humans and the birds that had brought it to this prison.

Comments and suggestions welcomed.

 

[Dibship]

Cool. I wish I could describe like that. Better than my fic, anyway it was given ONE star!

 

[Yami Ryu]

.... tbh Flaming Ruby, all my mind brought to me was the image of a raptor, with rabbit ears and a long row of spikes jutting up from it's spine all the way down to its tail. It was .. alright, but if I hadn't known you meant Nidorino, I might have thought Nidoking, or Nidoran, or thought 'wtf are you describing woman!?'

Try to do a bit more indepth detailing, don't just describe 'striking' features. Other things, if they will fit. Or gradually, overtime. Like how Nidorino is a quadruped yet can be bipedal, ie: walks on four legs then two, though only for a short time- like Ivysaur. And etc and so forth.

Wait, you forgot Nidorino has spots. Could have added that; 'it's purple scaled and spotted hide glistened in the sun'.

 

[BirthdayPirate]

Or you could just state that it's a Nidorino and avoid all the trouble and confusion...

 

[Kalavinka]

Except the point is that people are reading the story as if they DON'T know what they look like.

~TS ;121;;373;

 

[Ash_Junior]

Or you could just state that it's a Nidorino and avoid all the trouble and confusion...

*eye twitches*

dude, that's just wrong. you need to describe stuff, even if every one of your committed readers knows what it looks like. What if someone new comes in?

I could post my personal best uber-description (7 pages of not much more than description .Fascinating experiment, and sets out my basic views on the Legendaries [Kanto pwns all, Johto owns, Hoenn shouldn't bother]), but that would hijack the thread.

*coughs*

back on track...

some basic jumping off points--big horn, lots of spikes, four legs, looks like no tail. Spots, color on inside of ear is different than that of the rest of the outside skin/fur/scales/feathers (o.0 that'd be interesting....maybe somday I'll write something with that....).

Its horn is harder than a diamond. If it senses a hostile presence, all the barbs on its back bristle up at once, and it challenges the foe with all its might.

An aggressive POKéMON that is quick to attack. The horn on its head secretes a powerful venom.

other than that, I'd look for info on it from its Pokedex entries (all generations, from RBY to present), Wikipedia (for anime/manga stuff), and whatever else you can find.

plus whatever you want to make up for yourself...

 

[FlamingRuby]

I did use the Crystal entry when Ash looked it up...

 

[BirthdayPirate]

Except the point is that people are reading the story as if they DON'T know what they look like.

Yes, let us treat our readers like idiots, shall we? While we are at it, we can waste their time by forestalling actual plot and character development with a descriptive paragraph on a monster that they have probably had memorized for going on six or seven years now.

*eye twitches*

dude, that's just wrong. you need to describe stuff, even if every one of your committed readers knows what it looks like. What if someone new comes in?

You mean someone new to your fic who hasn't bothered to read the chapters leading up to this? Or someone new to Pokemon who somehow avoided the initial craze and has now decided to start reading dedicated fan fiction on a dedicated forum without familiarizing himself with the very first generation in existence?

I could post my personal best uber-description (7 pages of not much more than description .Fascinating experiment, and sets out my basic views on the Legendaries [Kanto pwns all, Johto owns, Hoenn shouldn't bother]), but that would hijack the thread.

You're making me cry. Forcefully.

 

[Yami Ryu]

Wow Ash Junior you sure have one helluva ego to rival even mine. And also just as bad a chance to get people off subject :X

Yes, let us treat our readers like idiots, shall we? While we are at it, we can waste their time by forestalling actual plot and character development with a descriptive paragraph on a monster that they have probably had memorized for going on six or seven years now.

Um ... you don't have to treat your readers like idiots. I mean if you want to describe a pokemon, and it's reoccuring, and there's something SPECIAL about it. I mean with how you're going on about, if I said and the dragon flew into the sky that would be enough. Even though I could do a better string along and go: And the huge, fearsome, black reptilian like dragon screamed with murderous intent as it took to the sky on two pairs of scaled and leathery black and blood red wings. His talons outstretched as it was intent on catching whatever prey it sought.

See? Description, dragon, and not treating readers like idiots.

Gawds :/

 

[BirthdayPirate]

Yes, do go on describing your dragons. After all, I have no idea what they look like. But don't force descriptions of Pokemon on me; unless it's shiny or has a missing eye or whatever, I already know what it looks like, and I don't want to hear it again.

BTW, I like your random string of adjectives in describing the dragon. Huge, fearsome, black, scaled, leathery, black (again), blood red... Imagery, dude, not description. Less is more.

 

[Yami Ryu]

BP, ever think that different people see pokemon differently? If we all skipped describing pokemon because oh we all know what the hell they look like, it wouldn't be very interesting. Then we should all stop describing attacks because we know what attacks look like then we should just stop describing people because we know what people look like.....

Get the drift? People see pokemon differently, like, I see Lugia as a dragon and I make Lugia dragon like when I use it, but my friend sees Lugia as a dragonic bird and makes it more bird like with dragon features. Meaning your point on not describing pokemon is moot, obsolete, and retarded :/ and Flamingruby is trying to get opinions on how well she described the Nidorino. If you don't want to help, and just want to whine that people shouldn't put effort into describing/imagining/anything about, for or to pokemon. Go away :/

 

[IceKing]

Guys, love each other!


I'm not gonna personally attack anybody or something, but I'm gonna have to partially side with BirthdayPirate. This is absolutely ridiculous, everybody here knows what a Nidorino looks like, and we all know it. For most of us, our desired audience is the pokemon fandom, and if someone is new to it, it's not our responsibility to teach them the world of pokemon. Though if you feel you should describe as if the audience is unfamiliar, I have no problem with that. But I feel as if we're making a false idol out of description when there are much more important things in a story.

I'm not anti-description, I myself like using relatively strong description. But I think the whole concept of you MUST describe as if your reader doesn't know is absurd. I personally believe, writing wise, it is good to describe important charachters/places to the story/plot, but going off for paragraphs about some random Pidgey flying in the sky is dumb.


FlamingRuby, I suggest you describe to the point when you feel you have adequately described the Nidorino. If Nidorino is the antagonist in your story, you might want to make him appear especially menacing (which I do feel you do). I personally think your description is adequate the way it is now. I would take out medium-sized because it just sounds a bit awkward there, and I'd also change popped off, because it seems rather light for the situation. But other than that, it's pretty good. I especially like the image of his barbs. If you want to go more menacing, I say go into his eyes and how he glares down his victims. I also concur with Yami Ryu's suggestion of adding traits throughout the piece.

Just don't obsess over getting the perfect image across, if someone doesn't know what a Nidorino looks like, I'll personally show one to him =)

 

[BirthdayPirate]

Yami Ryu: Of course I want people to put effort into Pokemon. I just don't want them to waste effort in description, when there are so many other things for them to focus on. But you are entirely right about describing Pokemon. After all, we don't want people going through the whole story with their own images of the Pokemon. We must show them ours, so that they don't get confused later. After all, it's not like they're just going to use their view anyway. If they did, that would totally suck. I feel so moot, obsolete (fallen into disuse?), and retarded. ;_;

I agree with IceKing on the Nidorino's passage. The way I look at it is this: the point of this passage is obviously to show us how menacing the Nidorino is. So show us his menacing qualities, and leave out the other stuff that we already know. Why tell us that he has long ears when you could use that same sentence to describe the frothy drool gathering around his snarling mouth, dripping from his jagged teeth? We know the anatomy of a Nidorino: now make us scared of it.

 

[Tale]

A thread turning into a debate! I'm gonna post in it.

I remember once finding somewhere someone saying to someone something about describing Pokemon, and they said that you should always describe Pokemon even if everyone knows what it looks like. But I dont know, I agree with some points in this thread and some others.

I think that a description is very important. Right, if you think about it, when you're writing something and you just say 'a Pidgey popped out', everyone knows what it is, its a little brown bird with a cute pink beak and a creamy underbelly. We look at a sprite of pidgey ;016; and we see a pidgey. Thing is, when someone says 'a Pidgey popped out' our minds form the basic image of a Pidgey, which is the crappy little sprite or whatever. When the description comes in, it brings it to life.

I think FR did well with this description, especially when she said 'reptillian'. From that adjective, we no longer see the smooth lifeless skin of the Nidorino sprite, but we see scales, and we see many reptilian features on the Nidorino. I dont know about everyone else, but if she just said 'A rabid nidorino came out', I'd picture the Nidorino sprite with crazy eyes and a frothy mouth.

Even if we know what it looks like, it still brings the whole Pokemon to life, and forms a much more realistic image if description is added.

Please bare in mind that I skimmed through everyones post and I might be agreeing with someone, or arguing with another. I dont know really, I've forgotten what everybody's said already...

Thats what I think, and I think FR has done a great job with the description =).

 

[Freawaru]

Well, "medium sized long eared reptile" is your central descriptive phrase.

I think you need to use more specific words in this case: particularly, "reptile" covers an entire order of creatures from turtles to snakes to dinosaurs. Yami Ryu saw a raptor in your description; I'm thinking iguana, particularly with the following "row of barbs on its back".

I'd suggest you think about overall shape rather than purple scales and barbs thrown in here and there: i.e. a squat purplish four-legged beast with thick leathery skin falling in folds around the joints of its short limbs. THEN you can talk about the barbs and poison horn.

 

[Astinus]

I've been following this, and finally decided to post. Why not?

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FlamingRuby, it is a fine description for a Nidorino. While I would have preferred the description to be given in terms of action, like you did with "its purple scales glistening in the sun", it's still gets the picture of a Nidorino across.

(I didn't want to bust into here without saying something to FlamingRuby!)

-

I will admit. I was one of those who say to describe a Pokémon no matter what. Sure, your readers are fans of Pokémon, and should know what a Pokémon looks like, but I was taught to describe as if someone who is NOT a fan of Pokémon is reading your fic.

As Tale said, he pictures the Pokémon as sprites if they are not described in the story. Description brings the Pokémon to life.

We have different views on what a Pokémon is. I see the common Sentret as a raccoon/meerkat mix. Someone else might see it as just a raccoon. And then someone else might see it as something completely different.

Take for example the book series of DragonLance. It is a series in the fantasy genre, based on the game of Dungeons and Dragons. The main readership for that was those who played that game. Still, it didn't stop the authors from spending a page describing one character. It allowed for those who have never played D&D, like me, to picture the character clearly.

They weren't treating me like an idiot. I enjoyed the description. It allowed me to see the world as they would.

-

Just my view on things. Take 'em, leave 'em, or just plain ignore 'em.

 

[Ash_Junior]

This is exactly why you need to describe--I see a Nidorino as a smooth-skinned creature (a la a rhino, an elephant, etc.). Not a scaly thing.

I have never once heard of a Nidorino having scales--but that's okay.

if that's the way you want a Nidorino to be, then have it that way--but we NEED to know about it.

the issue of describing Pokemon (even if it's from the very first generation) is that therer are very many views about various Pokemon out there.

AKA the bird/dragon Lugia debate mentioned by Yami, or my smooth-skinned to your scaled perceptions...we may have formed different opinions of the way things look/are. so we need to know exactly what your version looks like.

admittedly, I do go overboard quite a few times with description, and I don't plan on toning it down (well, I will, but I'll have a personal, uber-description version for myself), but that's not NECESSARILY a bad thing.

Look at Ben Hur. Is that a bad book? Nope. And it devotes an entire CHAPTER to describing Jerusalem. Is that going overboard? No, because even though SOME people may have been to present-day Jerusalem, a lot of people hadn't. Those people would know the lay-out, but they still need to know what it's like there.

same with Pokemon.

SOME people might be familiar with Nidorinos, but a lot of people aren't, since Pikachu and the legendaries seem to be the flagships of the Pokemon enterprise more often than not. and the starters.

and yes, a lot of people may know what Nidorinos look like, but if you just stop and say "well, everyone knows what it looks like, let's toss description out the window," and then someone who picked up Emerald yesterday walks into your fic and says "What is a Nidorino?"--what would you do?

direct them to the Pokedex?

you should give your readers EVERYTHING they need inside your fic(s). that's what I do. All of my backstory is in my fics (well, if not that particular one, a future one that is in the same storyline). They shouldn't have to go anywhere else for information.

if they do, then it should be an inside joke thing that wouldn't matter if they didn't catch it. A just-for-fun, see-if-my-readers-catch-that type of deal.

 

[BirthdayPirate]

This is exactly why you need to describe--I see a Nidorino as a smooth-skinned creature (a la a rhino, an elephant, etc.). Not a scaly thing.

I have never once heard of a Nidorino having scales--but that's okay.

if that's the way you want a Nidorino to be, then have it that way--but we NEED to know about it.

Um... Why?

the issue of describing Pokemon (even if it's from the very first generation) is that therer are very many views about various Pokemon out there.

AKA the bird/dragon Lugia debate mentioned by Yami, or my smooth-skinned to your scaled perceptions...we may have formed different opinions of the way things look/are. so we need to know exactly what your version looks like.

Again, why?

admittedly, I do go overboard quite a few times with description, and I don't plan on toning it down (well, I will, but I'll have a personal, uber-description version for myself), but that's not NECESSARILY a bad thing.

Yes it is...

Look at Ben Hur. Is that a bad book? Nope. And it devotes an entire CHAPTER to describing Jerusalem. Is that going overboard? No, because even though SOME people may have been to present-day Jerusalem, a lot of people hadn't. Those people would know the lay-out, but they still need to know what it's like there.

same with Pokemon.

Your comparison is off. It would only be accurate if Ben Hur was available only in Jerusalem.

SOME people might be familiar with Nidorinos, but a lot of people aren't, since Pikachu and the legendaries seem to be the flagships of the Pokemon enterprise more often than not. and the starters.

To everyday folk, maybe. Not us.

and yes, a lot of people may know what Nidorinos look like, but if you just stop and say "well, everyone knows what it looks like, let's toss description out the window," and then someone who picked up Emerald yesterday walks into your fic and says "What is a Nidorino?"--what would you do?

direct them to the Pokedex?

I would ask them where they'd been for the past six years, why they're on a Pokemon forum if they barely know what it is, and why in the world they can even stomach fan fiction of a world so foreign to them.

you should give your readers EVERYTHING they need inside your fic(s). that's what I do. All of my backstory is in my fics (well, if not that particular one, a future one that is in the same storyline). They shouldn't have to go anywhere else for information.

if they do, then it should be an inside joke thing that wouldn't matter if they didn't catch it. A just-for-fun, see-if-my-readers-catch-that type of deal.

"This is Sarah. She is a human. Humans are the most intelligent creatures on the planet called Earth. Earth is a medium-sized planet abundant in water, oxygen, and carbon, all of which are necessary for humans to live. You see, they breath in oxygen, and... Wait a minute. I'm sorry. I forgot. These little squiggly things on the page are called letters. When put together, they make sounds..."

The point is, guys, everyone here knows what a Nidorino looks like. None of them are going to die if you don't tell them exactly how you picture it, and it will slow down the story if you do. Stop trying to defend your slow-paced, boring, description-laden ways and think of who your audience really is, and what they really need to hear.

 

[Tale]

Stop trying to defend your slow-paced, boring, description-laden ways

Ahaha! Now that, BP, really is a matter of opinion. I think you're going a bit overboard now. Describing Pokemon has never ever been a problem when it comes to fic writing, and description is far, lightyears, from boring. You see when people say 'To increase the action, you have to decrease the description', its a load of ********.

Describing a Pokemon before a battle commences makes no impact on the speed or excitement of the battle, or whatever the situation is. Description can add richness to the writing, it can make things ten times more interesting, and it makes it more professional. You can't just take away description, or minimalise it to the point where its as if a three year old wrote is.

Everyone knows what a zombie looks like, its a dead guy, we've all seen one before, we can all picture it. Yet in any book that involves a zombie, it will always include a vivid and grusesome description to add effect and to set the mood or whatever. We're more or less faced with the same zombie we'd picture if the writer had just said 'there was a zombie', but theres so much more there as well.

Description is needed whenever and wherever. Bloody hell, FR only posted to get opinions on her bloody description, the fact that she used a description shows that its entirely normal and that everyone expects it. This is getting blown way out of proportion right now.

Description is only boring when its written in a boring way, thats the only time.

 

[Astinus]

So, BirthdayPirate, your audience is a collection of television-fed, no-imagination-here five-year olds who can't handle a paragraph of description? Do we just give them a basic story? Ignore them when they ask what the heck your character looks like?

I would ask them where they'd been for the past six years, why they're on a Pokemon forum if they barely know what it is, and why in the world they can even stomach fan fiction of a world so foreign to them.

Not born yet? Maybe that's why. There was a member of the forums that was only six years old. Or maybe they are new fans to the series? They scoffed it before, and only now got into it?

So, in your eyes, one can not join the forum unless they know nearly everything about the world of Pokémon? If they have a question because they are new to the franchise, then they must go elsewhere because SPPf is the home of those who know all?

Hmm...science fiction and fantasy books tell of worlds that are foreign to me... So, guess I can't read those things that are bogged full of description...

Why are there different views on the same Pokémon? Because humans form their own opinions on things. The world isn't black and white, it's gray, pink,and teal as well. Everyone has a different view of the world. It's, you know, interesting to see how others view the world.

I've read Ash_Junior's fics. His descriptions immerse me into the world that he has created, because I can see everything. I become more of a member of that world. Without description, I have to form a picture in my head from no information. Do you know how difficult that is?

Or do we just ruin the art of creating an image with words by doodling little pictures to post. So, instead of describing a Cyndaquil, I just go ;155; and be done with it. But, smilies are against the rules for fanfiction because we are supposed to be creating an image with words.

There is no need to go as insane with description as the book Return of the Native did. Fifteen pages of straight description of the scenery. There's no need for that. But if there is some description, so that we know that there is a river by a tree, then that's fine. We could even use Hemmingway-esque description and say "He came to the river. The river was there." There is a limit to how much description is needed, and it is up to the author to decide how much to put in.

These little squiggly things on the page are called letters. When put together, they make sounds..."

Okay, now I just feel like a retard because you are descibing the act of reading to me. If I need your help in telling me how I am reading instead of giving me something interesting to read, then I will be getting rather angry.

Stop trying to defend your slow-paced, boring, description-laden ways and think of who your audience really is, and what they really need to hear.

Pace is a wonderful thing. Without a slow pace, and lots of action, readers will get lost. Taking time to slow things down gives your reader a break...

Oh wait. I'm sorry. We have been watching television for too long and all have the same views and can't be bothered to focus on anything.

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Excuse the long post.