Why Wobbuffet Came To Have Eyes On Their Tails
Now, I really dont care about protocol. Heres my story. IF you dont like respond, but do know that I havent read the thing since 2006.
WHY WOBBUFFET CAME TO HAVE EYES ON THEIR TAILS
Hello citizens. Welcome to my domain. Enter a mysterious enigma that is my mind. I am an old and wizened man. I have seen incomprehensible things, things that a human is never worthy to see. I am near the end of my life, but I will divulge one of the most mysterious things about an endearing pokemon - wobbuffet. For many a century, the secrets of wobbuffets across the world were held by a mysterious organization; so mysterious very little conclusive proof of this group even exists. I am a member, and seeing as how wobbuffets across the world have been much maligned, criticized and even taunted as being a useless pokemon, I will reveal perhaps one of their biggest secrets: why their tails have eyes…
In a far, distant land, there lived a multitude of wobbuffet. These strange, balloon shaped pokemon were always looked upon as being genetic deformities. They never seemed to do anything but salute, and they had a strange unearthly calm about them. Even in such dangerous situations as fighting a Tauros or battling a Beedrill, they never seemed hurried; they never seemed worried. Yet, behind this calm demeanor lay a mysterious enigma, forever trapped within the confines of their un-envious minds. For this reason alone, they were treated as outcasts, shunned from society. Society was cruel to the unknown, and as previously said, these pokemon were more mysterious than circles in crop fields or the recently discovered pokerus.
Wobbuffet always seemed to cherish their tails. The tails themselves were not elegant in design; they were no more beautiful than the prettiest feebas, and if that is not telling you something, then I have no other way to put it. The tail was bland, only one shade of blue. It seemed as though the tail had no purpose…it couldn’t even move! Yet wobbuffet seemed overly protective of it…
Since wobbuffet were outcasts from society, they formed a fairly large community deep within the forest of what is now Papua New Guinea. The wobbuffet tribe, as they preffered to call themselves, were a religious group, always deep in prayer to their GRAND LEADER Wubbotef. In wobbufet legend, it was stated that GRAND LEADER Wobbotef was beautifully elegant: his eyes were a as large as lemons, he was slightly taller than the average wobbuffet, he even saluted with his left hand instead of his right! But there was one more striking characteristic of this amazing pokemon that further distinguished him from his mortal namesakes: this pokemon was pink instead of blue and his tail had two circles! Now, upon further research, this pokemon would be classified as “shiny”. It was once reported that his aesthetic features once made a Milotic of tremendous beauty be attracted to him! Whether this is true or not is not confirmed, but it clearly shows his attractiveness towards the opposite sex, for you see, other than with other wobbuffet, it was clear that this species of pokemon were completely inept at love! But now that is out of the way, this wobbufet was different not only because of his physical beauty, but his more aggressive mindset. If he was living now, he would have been compared to Barry Bonds in terms of aggressiveness, except without the steroids. This pokemon can be described as aggressive because as you all know, wobbuffet never attack first, but this one was ready to take the lead, set the tempo if you may. He was respected by all, until one day he went out to fight a houndour, wobbuffet’s eternal enemy, and was never seen again. Some say he departed to the after world, while some say he was still among them, but whatever the case, he was honoured as the GRAND LEADER.
Now, you are probably curious as to what about the story of the tail, do not fear, I just needed to introduce the GRAND LEADER to you. You probably overheard me mentioning about the two circles on Wobbutef’s tail and how wobbuffets across the world being overly protective about their tails, I shall now reveal the secret: these tail were super sensitive to everything, almost like a sixth sense. I am sure you probably expected something more dramatic than that, but you shall see the importance of those few words. As for the circles on Wobbutef’s tail, they seemed to be there only for show, an aesthetic addition to an amazing architect. It did serve a purpose though, it hid something of such magnitude that the GRAND LEADER didn’t want such a potentially destructive secret to get out.
Anyways, I shall explain everything soon enough, let us return to our balloon shaped pokemon haven. Like I have said, the wobbuffet were extremely religious. They held sermons that stirred the soul, so good were the sermons that Jesse Jackson would have been brought to tears. Many a time were wobbuffets escorted out of these religious processions because their small, dot like eyes could not handle the overflow of emotions. Now you may wonder, how can a pokemon that can only say its name give glorified religious preachings? Simply because they talked about one thing over and over again. What was it you may ask? They were given religious prayers to their “almighty” tails! Every day these sermons would be held, and everyday the subject was their amazing tails. They also “dissed” those who thought their tails bland or boring. They also praised the GRAND LEADER’s achievements (although many times they were seriously exaggerated). A requirement of all wobbuffets was to bow before a huge statue, shaped like a tail. Now the tail itself was unusual, for it had the same two circles like the GRAND LEADER’s one. Every one wondered what it could be. Also, this tale was a much darker color, nearly brown. Also noted was that everytime there was an offering, a strange shadow-like disc would come from these mysterious circles, and take away the offering, seemingly into nothingness. No one questioned the almighty rock, for it was supposed that questioning it would bring a massive group of houndours upon its society, and these pokemon would reach an end like that of their GRAND LEADER (supposedly).
One day, one young wobbuffet ventured out into the forest and stumbled upon a lake. This lake was as clean as it was majestic, one could almost see the bottom! Literally it enchanted those who watched it and many were spellbound at this watery “diamond”. This wobbuffet had taken a great risk, for it was known among the community that wobbuffet were hated, and the young were especially at risk for attacks from “flyers” like Fearow. But as this wobbuffet admired its so called “beauty” in the mirror, he noticed something he never noticed before; in the mirror like water he saw his tail in all its majesty, but with another added feature he thought only existed with the GRAND LEADER: he had two circles on his tail also! Amazingly, he ran back as fast as he could, thinking he was a reincarnation of the GRAND LEADER! He told everybody about it, but they wanted proof of this. At first, he was treated with scorn, but when he showed them proof, he was treated as a hero! But lo and behold, it was noted that all the other wobbuffets had the same “circles” on their tails. Thus, like a hot potato, or a football player not in form, he was dropped while the other wobbuffets were celebrating their new found “immortality” (remember, they thought that only the GRAND LEADER had tail circles and he was considered immortal). Now you may wonder, why were the wobbuffets not able to realize this before, but remember, their heads could not turn, so they had a 180 degree blind spot behind them.
Unbeknownst to them, the GRAND LEADER was hiding in the tail monument all along, and the shadow like move described earlier is actually a destiny bond attack. The wobbuffet did not know this because their attacks at that time were limited to counter, mirror coat and encore. The GRAND LEADER was angered at the new discovery, for he thought he was the only one with tail circles.
“Damn, I never thought that those lesser mortals would have the brains to look into the water. I though I gave birth to idiots, not alakazams!”
Little did this supposedly great GRAND LEADER know, his “lesser” mortals, as he so blatantly put it, were listening intently to his rampage about them. But before they could lauch a collective “counter” towards this monument that concealed the LEADER they had worshipped for nearly 100 years, the GRAND LEADER made one final statement : “ I hope that they don’t find the incense by the lake…that incense makes me feel so lax…I just love putting it on my teffubbow!” Now for those of you not skilled in WOBU language, teffubbow is the wobbuffet term for tail. Now that they knew the GRAND LEADER’S secret, they launched one collective counter, and it completely demolished the evil GRAND LEADER and this wondrous engineering achievement (even though the GRAND LEADER didn’t build the monument, many believed he had, further adding thruth to my statement that the GRAND LEADER’S achievements were exaggerated).
The wobbuffet raced like they never had before to get to this incense- some touching speeds of half a mile per hour! As they raced, they discovered a magnificent field of incense. It was more than enough to keep the entire wobbuffet race happy for many centuries! The brave wobbuffets went first, and placed pieces of this precious incense on their normally over-secured tales. As soon as some placed it on their tails, some described a feeling of euphoria. It is stated that the unearthly feeling was never experienced before for this normally calm species. This feeling was described as “celestial” and “heavenly”. The wobbuffet danced like they never danced before. The calm demeanor was replaced by one of festival-like happiness. Even the normally somber elders were rejuvenated like they were in their prime. You can compare this feeling to se… wait, seeing as there are many children in the audience, I will not state any more, its just something that grown ups do. The festivities continued into the night, and there were even games played between them, such as who could mirror wall the longest. The euphoric feeling weared away in the morning, and it was observed that on their tails, the previously mysterious circles blinked and turned into two eyes! Oh, I forgot to say this, but these circles were very small, and coupled with the wobbuffets bad eye sight and religious laws that prevented them from watching each others tails (it was something like porn), they never noticed these circles,( the GRAND LEADER made this law) but now that the GRAND LEADER was in the after life, they no longer followed his rules and were free to watch, so the lake became an obsolete mirror and if one wanted to know the state of their tail, they would just simply have to ask another.
Also, the eyes seemed linked to the wobbuffets emotion, so when they felt angry, the tail’s eyes also showed anger. Now the eyes were not there just for show, they added an extra pair of working eyes to the wobbuffet so that they could see behind them and get rid of that humongous blind spot. Also, these pair of eyes allowed them to use the mirror coat and counter techniques behind them, so they were protected from all angles. Another discovery was that the tail turned black, and this was because the cells became agitated when exposed to the incense and thus turned black or dark red because of the activity. This also made them super sensitive, and the eyes also could not handle ultra violet rays too well, so they needed to be kept in the shadows. They also gained access to the destiny bond technique, and it was observed that a new breed of wobbuffet, Wynaut, could be obtained by two wobbuffets mating with one holding a piece of the incense.
In the end, the wobbuffet continued to worship their tails, now more than ever, and the sermons became more heartfelt because the tail eyes could now cry. They decided to name the incense lax, ironic because in their euphoric state these pokemon were anything but lax (just forget what that idiot GRAND LEADER said, the incense didn’t make you lax).
Alas boys and girls, my story has come to a anti climactic end. It has no morals to offer you, except perhaps don’t believe all your so called heroes are good people, they are just as bad as terrorists sometimes. But I want you to grasp this in your tiny hands, do not hate a person because they are different, hate them because they sued you for one million dollars. I must depart now, but take this fable seriously…