Chapter Eight: Whoop, Whoop Evolution Style!
“Um, wait, what am I supposed to say again?” A man in a black suit asked.
“Read the script you idiot!” Dizzy yelled.
“Um, okay, I got this! Last time on How to Save Celebi, some pontoons went to rub on a musician… That’s just messed up!” the reporter yelled, dropping the script and staring at it.
“And this is why Grovyle told me not to hire anyone from Channel Six. Should’ve listened. Anyways, Last time on How To Save Serebii, some ponies robbed the Pewter museum, and there was a big showdown between Celestia, Luna, Canence, Mirakle B, Alex, Grovyle, and yours truly, ME! And now, back to How to Save Serebii, where we pick up on some moderators traveling through a forest, having such a
wonderful time!”
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“THESE. STUPID. BUGS. ARE. GOING. TO. DDDIIIIIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!”
“Calm down Psy, just ignore the bugs.”
“NEVER, DRAGO, NNNNNEEEEVVVVEEERRRR!!!!” Psy then proceeded to stomp around in her heels, startling the Caterpie and Weedle back into the bushes. As she was stomping, she fell in a pit, and when the other three went to see what happened, they also stupidly fell in the hole. As the mods and boy slid through a dark tunnel, they bumped into each other and weren’t exactly quiet. When they all fell in a mess at the bottom, they were amazed at what they saw.
“OH MAH ARCEUS!!! IT’S A BUNCH OF CUTE WITTLE PIKICHUS!!!” Psy screamed in a fangirl-like manner. She ran over to cuddle with them, but ended up with some singed hair. She collapsed as the other three watched, holding back laughter. Then, all four heard some odd music start.
“Is Miror B here or something?”
“No, it just me, Psy,” an odd voice said. Everyone looked at Psy weirdly because of the very odd, manly voice that had just spoken.
“Guys, I swear that wasn’t me!” And at that exact moment, a Magikarp hit her head. She didn’t bother reading the note inside of its mouth, and the others continued looking for the source of the voice.
“Hey, down here!” The four looked down, finding that a Pikachu had been talking. “I am Psy, from Korea. English hard to speak, how you do it?” The Pikachu asked.
“Wait, Psy as in the guy from Gangnam style?” Blue asked.
“Yes, that me. You know my dance?”
“OF COURSE I DO!!! Could you dance for me?”
“I been Pikachu for while now. It hard to dance, but I will try.”
“Wait, how
exactly did you get turned into a Pikachu, Mr. Psy?” Drago asked. “No offence, Mod Psy.”
“I went to Bill for cruise ticket. He told me to do experiment with weird machine. I did, but turned into Pokémon. He went crazy and tried dissect me, but I ran. I found secret passage in Diglett Cave to Viridian Forest, and more Pikachu. Now… Play music!” He finished grandly, pointing to a Pikachu handling a radio.
*Pause so Pikachu can start the music*
*Pause for dramatic effect*
*Pause because of technical difficulties, please wait*
*Pause to play elevator music*
*Pause because Mr. Psy has to help turn on the radio*
*Pause because I feel like it*
*Pause to say the moral of all these pauses: Don’t trust Pikachu to operate a radio*
After many pauses, the Pikachu finally managed to start the song, and every Pikachu in the area started dancing, with Psy being the leader.
“Now for own adaptation of Gangnam Style.” He began dancing Gangnam Style as best he could with little stubby Pikachu limbs, and made up new lyrics for the occasion.
“SHOCK SHOCK PIKACHU STYLE!! SHOCK, SHOCK, SHOCK, SHOCK, SHOCK; SHOCK SHOCK PIKACHU STYLE!! EEEEYYYYY, SPARKY BABY! SHOCK, SHOCK, SHOCK, SHOCK, SHOCK; SHOCK SHOCK PIKACHU STYLE!” After the song was over, Blue was applauding very loudly, while the mods were grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him out of the hole.
“NOOOO!! I REFUSE TO LEAVE PSY!!!”
*Pause while Mod Psy begins to threaten Blue with colorful language and violence because of how wrong his last line sounded while Bob and Drago crack up laughing, and all the Pikachu watch intently.*
One of the younger Pikachu said something to his mother.
“Mommy, people are mean to each other. I don’t want to be a person. They suck.”
“Where did you learn that word?”
“The people.”
“Oh dear.”
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Six ponies sat at a table in a bland secret room, discussing random Internet videos.
“Well, I think Justin Beiber is SO hot!” A purple unicorn said in a fan-girling tone.
“No, no, no, sister, 1 Direction is WAY better than a beaver!” A pink pony said in a tine not unlike the unicorn’s.
“One Direction is the WRONG DIRECTION!” the unicorn shot back.
“Who knew Just A Beaver was an idiotic Internet star?”
“BOTH OF YOU ARE WRONG!! TIM MCGRAW IS THE BEST!!” A yellow Pegasus with a pink mane and tail shouted, joining the argument. Then the three ponies sat and argued while the other three in the room sat and drank coffee. Three winged unicorns entered, and caught the others by surprise.
“ALL OF YOU SHUT THE F*CK UP!!! NOBODY CARES ABOUT BELIBERS, 1DERS, OR TIP MAH A*SERS!! SO SHUT. THE. F*CK. UP!!” the largest pink one screamed.
“Why are you so mad? You should smile! You successfully raided the museum after all, Celestia,” the optimistic pink one said.
“Pinkamena Diane Pie, we didn’t get success. Some idiots and a Grovyle drove us out before we could get anything valuable, unless you count this dusty pencil valuable,” Celestia replied, taking the pencil out of her pouch. She levitated it onto the table, dropping it in disappointment. The others were silent for awhile, until another unicorn walked in. His body was white and his mane and tail were a dark blue.
“There’s supposed to be valuable Moon Rocks or something like that in Mt. Moon, or somewhere like that, Celestia,” he said.
“Well, I guess we need to bring a team to Mt. Moon. Go Team Equestria! To Mt. Moon to mine some Moon Rocks, or something like that!” Celestia commanded. All the ponies (save for the male white unicorn) then walked out and flew away in hot air balloons, which were easily seen because of the pony-shaped balloons holding them up.
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“Umm, are you going to battle me or what?”
“Hubba-wha-? Oh yeah, about that, we just snuck away from the police, and-“
“OH MAH-*pause because you think you know what’s coming*”
*pause because it WON”T be Arceus, that’s for sure*
*pause because I feel like it*
“pause because I feel like it 2; the asterisks strike back!*
“pause because I’m pretty sure you won’t expect what’s coming*
“-SWEET LOVER OF ALL THINGS RANDOM, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO FURRY SWISS CHEESE, UNICORNS, MR. FLUFFYPANTS, THE STATE OF ARKANSAS, RUBBER FUDGE, AND *pause to NOT insert Arceus here* ARCH OF THE ROMANS THAT LEADS TO THEIR ROADS WHICH WOULD TECHNICALLY MEAN THAT LEAD TO ROME BECAUSE ALL ROADS LEAD TO ROME!!! YOU’RE ALL CRIMINALS!!!” The girl ran back to Pewter City, screaming bloody murder (literally). The three continued walking while Mirakle B danced his way alongside them.
“Mirakle B, can I ask you something?” Grovyle asked.
“What is it, my little leafy friend?” he replied, pausing his odd hip-shaking strut to just shaking them in place.
“Why do you always feel so compelled to dance?”
“Because, my greenest Grovyle, I gotta’ dance when there’s music goin’ on!”
“But there’s no music.”
“Oh-ho-ho, but there IS! You just gotta’ listen to the sounds of Mother Nature herself, and you won’t be able to resist those oh-so temptin’ urges to dance!”
“Hey you!” Dizzy and Alex were also listening in on Mirakle and Grovyle’s conversation, so they hadn’t realized the net-wielding man until he had shouted at them.
“I’m Ernie the bug catcher! Let’s-“ he was cut off by a stuttering voice coming from Alex.
“D-Did you s-say b-b-bug c-catcher?”
“Yeah, I got a whole belt-full of the little creepy crawlers! Now let’s battle, my bugs have been itching for one!” The bug catcher answered, taking a red and white Pokeball from his belt.
“U-uh, Mirakle B-B, y-you want t-to b-b-battle?”
“Well, the only Pokémon I got is Lotad, and he’s weak to Bug type moves. Why don’t you battle, Alex?”
“U-uh, n-no, I-I’ll p-p-pass, Mirakle.”
“Okay do-kay, then. Why not, my little friend? I thought your dream was to go to that Pokémon League.”
“Uh, I-I’m not b-b-big f-fan of b-b-bugs, that’s all,” he smiled a bit nervously and gave a slight chuckle.
“Umm, I’m glad to see you all are bonding, but my Pokémon need to battle, so if anyone feels like sending something out, then do it,” Ernie stated, impatient.
“Uh, yeah sure. Go Dunsparce!” Grovyle said, throwing the ball. It opened with a flash and returned itself to Grovyle’s paw, only the Dunsparce previously contained was before Grovyle, looking more derpy than ever.
“What the -“
“Oh please, Ernie, don’t say what starts with ‘F’ and ends with ‘uck’!” Mirakle shouted.
“ –Fire truck? How can a Grovyle own a Dunsparce?”
“’Cause Prof. Oak’s an idiot,” Grovyle repeated from Chapter Four.
“I feel a sense of Déjà vu, Grovyle,” Dizzy stated. “It’s almost like you’ve actually read this!”
“No, I think this is pretty new. And what do you want me to read, exactly?” Dizzy did a face-palm, and Alex curled up on the ground. Mirakle B just did his thing-Dancing-while his Lotad wandered around, mainly watching Dunsparce.
“Alright, there’s a Pokémon that has a Pokémon to battle me with, so let’s just do it already!” He threw a Pokeball, revealing the Weedle inside.
“Um, okay Dunsparce, use Tackle!” Dunsparce tilted its head and looked at Grovyle questioningly.
‘WHAT THE HELL, DUNSPARCE? YOU CAN’T EVEN USE TACKLE?! FINE, JUST USE ROLLOUT!”
“Weedle, use String Shot!” Ernie commanded. Weedle shot string from its mouth, entangling Dunsparce. Dunsparce began to wiggle and panic as more and more of the sticky thread wrapped around it, until it was practically a wriggling Egyptian mummy.
“Weedle, now use Poison Sting!” The Weedle shot some purple dart-like projectiles at the mummified land snake, and stuck to the thread.
“Oh my lord, Dunsparce looks like a porcupine!” Dizzy shouted, noticing the stingers dig themselves into the thread.
“Uh, Dizzy, what the heck is a porcupine?” Alex questioned. Before Dizzy could answer, however, there was bright flash coming from the battlefield. They turned and noticed it was Weedle.
“Oh my Arceus, my Weedle’s evolving!”
*pause for dramatic effect*
*pause because the Magikarp delivery service is out of order*
A note then fell from the sky, landing on Ernie’s head. It read:
Sorry, there was some crisis where stupid Game Freak gave out my clones at an event, so I had to use the rest of my Magikarp because they kept saying things like ‘Oh my Arceus, it’s Arceus!’ and ‘As Arceus as my witness…’, along with ‘What in the name of Arceus?’. Your Magikarp should arrive next chapter.
By the time he finished reading the note, Weedle had become a Kakuna. Ernie then focused back on the battle.
“Use Poison Sting again!” As Kakuna shot the stingers, there was a sudden wriggling of the mummy. Then it began to glow, much like Weedle had when it was evolving.
“OH MY LORD, YOUR DUNSPARCE IS EVOLVING! I HOPE ITS EVOLUTION CAN BE MY DANCING BU-DAY! I CAN FINALLY PERFORM MY DREAM DANCE: SYNCRONIZED BUTT-SHAKING!”
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Longer than the others, but I still hope you enjoyed!
Thanks, I was actually inspired to include Miror B and Mirakle B because of bobandbill's fic that I just started reading (The Retelling of Pokemon Colosseum). I've read only the first two chapters, but just like you, I laughed my... Wait, I'll be Miror B for a second here: