Human

[Negrek]

My largest gripe is characters. The characters that you've put into play so far are all flat and static, which makes them annoying and stereotypical. Nero is really bugging me, as he's fixing up to become a royal Gary-Stu very quickly. I mean, the Professor goes through and praises him about how popular he is and gives him a strong pokémon. Later, it is noted that he's really good at battling, and that he looks "intense and cool." All big warning signs.

Still not bad, but group dynamics are going to be very difficult to pull off if your characters are one-sided.

 

[DANdotW]

Thanks for your input, indigestable wad and Negrek. Don't worry either of you, Nero will not be turning into a Gary-stu. However, until they get started on their journey, I can't really write much more about their personalitlies, due to that fact that their personlaties can only really be understood when seen from another person, rather than themselves. So until then, they will probably all be one-sided for a chapter or two. Also, Gastly isn't especially strong, he just really enjoys battling.

Right, next chapter should go a little like this. We find out about Professor Jones' Pokémon, as we do the same with Maria and Mario. One, maybe both, of the final two characters will get their Pokémon. I can't really think of anymore interuptions unless maybe one goes missing. In fact, considering one of the Pokémon that will be given, that could happen.

That brings something to mind. Can anyone see the pattern of the two Pokémon received so far, and use that to guess which two Pokémon are the ones waiting for Leo and Kiela?

HG

 

[Olyon]

Hey I finally got to review! Well I think this is turning out to be a great story, I'm gonna follow this one,

Things I like: A JOURNEY FIC!! I dont know why but I just love these. Well, it looks like a journey fic so far at least, forget i said this if it isnt
I love it when the starter pokemon arent the traditionals (charmander, Totodile etc.) it makes it so much more interesting and original.
Characters, I'm loving how Edan is turning out right now, it looks like he is going to be a great character to read about.
Plot, it has a lot of mystery, such as the dream at the beginning, its good to see when someone adds a little mystery into a fic that is solved throughout the story.

Things I dont like: Names mainly, not the names of the characters but the names of the towns. What I mean is Grim Village isnt such a well thought about name, if you think about it, the founders of the land and builders of the village wouldn't really want to name it "Grim" village would they? I appreciate that it reflects the actual atmosphere of the village as being grim and it reflects the "grimness" in the rainy weather (which also turned sunny, another mysterious thing that I liked) but still. However, if you did think about it deeply and named it grim village for a reason (such as a haunting in the village when it was named or some such event or occurence) then forget what I said.

Well actually theres not much else I dont like about it, it has the perfect writing style for a journey fic (fogive me if it isnt a journey fic) and its got a good plot so far!

I've rated it four stars, which seems to have boosted the total rating, I'll rate higher once I see more good work!

 

[DANdotW]

Thanks Olyon. Well, as far as I have thought, this is so far going to be a journey fic, unless I change my mind during writing. I'm glad you like Edan, he is one of my favourites so far. Funnily you shuld mention a haunting, because that's the exact reason it is called Grim Village, which is going to be in the next chapter after the battle.

On the subject of starters, I don't really like to use the original starters that much. They were overrated in the games, and the show. In fics, however, the writers get a chance to boost the popularity of some Pokémon if they can write about them good enough, which is what I will be trying to do with some of the Pokémon the group will capture.

Now, I'm going to give you all some little hints. The chapters will include camping out and the such, things that would happen everday to the group. So far, I don't plan any of the characters to be anything but trainers, but we may see something happening around that during or after the first Gym. That's all for now though, I'm off to watch the new Japanese opening some more. I just love it.

HG

 

[Shutdown56]

Nice fic. I like most ok pokemon fics, and this is a nice one. A cool little twist was the shiny Sandshrew. Most fics don't use shinies, but this makes a good use of them.

 

[DANdotW]

Thanks, Shutdown56. By the way, I looked at the Summer Awards thing. Thanks a hell of a lot for nominating me, Elemental Guard. It's much appreciated. Next chapter should be out within a week or so.

HG

 

[Aerial_Psychonaut]

Ooooh-- Good job!! I liked it, your story telling was good. I think Edan is really funny too- keep up the good work! BTW, i'm subscribing to this thread so I can read it ASAP.

 

[DANdotW]

Wow. thanks Aerial_Psychonaut! I'll be sure to keep trying to get this done. Currently going through a little bit of writers' block, so it may be a little while longer before the next chapter is done.

HG

 

[DANdotW]

Sorry for the triple post, but this is too exciting, I need people to know about it. I'm back writing. Human is back up and running with Tournament Chronicles soon after, however, Afresh is going to stay as it is until the Battle Frontier Saga is over, since I like it and want to start it after that.

So, look forward to the latest chapter of Human, with more battles, more characters and more action.

Hunter