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I have another Idea peoples! xD

Ventus3

Waiting for summer
I was thinking of maybe making a chapter story, this is the information I have so far.

I have an idea for a chapter story about a Piplup named Aqua being abandoned by its trainor who's named Mark

Aqua's Bio: Aqua would be a Piplup that is a light blue. She has a saphire bracelet around her left wing and has shining eyes. She finds the bracelet early on after she's abandoned in the woods. She is very timid and does not like to fight. Even if she tried, she is not very strong, much to her trainor's disliking. Her trainor views Aqua as weak and abandons her in the forest early on in the story. She soon becomes sad and questions her entire being until she befriends a Swablu named Cielo.

Mark's Bio: Mark is a young trainor. He is ten years old and about four feet and nine inches tall. He has brown hair and wears a green cap. He has pale skin and wears a black and green T-shirt with and black shorts that come down to the knee cap. He is very mean to Aqua from the get-go because he sees Aqua as weak because of her fear of battle and being attacked. This leads to him abandoning Aqua when she refuses to fight after being manipulated into fighting for Mark.

Cielo's Bio:Cielo is a small, timid, Swablu who is light blue and has short, puffy wings. He does not like to fly, in fear of being bullied by other flying pokemon for his small size. He meets Aqua a day or two after she is abandoned. He becomes friends with her. He is also very kind to Aqua as he knows what she is going through since his tribe left him behind to be eaten by Luxrays and barely escaped due to an unknown force.


I was wondering if this was cliche or anything, because I'm gonna start the work on the actual preview soon for it.

The beginning plot:

The plot would start when Mark wakes up early to take the long walk from Jubilife city to the professor's office. Soon, Mark, realizes, that everybody already took the other two starters except for Aqua. Mark grabs her and goes out the door. Soon realizing that his pokemon is not up to his standards. He tricks Aqua into battling a Starly, she gets badly injured while Mark captures the Starly. Mark talks in front of Aqua's face how much stronger the Starly is than her and decides to abandon Aqua in the forest. Aqua searches for a way back to the lab. Instead of finding the lab, she finds a shiny saphire bracelet and wears it around her wing. Her dissapointment soon returns of being too weak. She slowly starts to question her own existence and nears the brink of insanity. Meanwhile, Celio starts flying over the forest, looking for shelter. The day after, a storm pushes in and forces Celio to crash right into the ground a couple of yards in front of Aqua. She gets up and asks if she is ok. A couple of Shinx in the distance, seeing the opportunity for food, attack Aqua and Celio.

That's really the layout of the preview that I'm making, except that it's not certain about the last 4 sentences, I may change that up for the preview. . .>.> can somebody help me with the idea please?
 
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Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Well one problem is; why would Mark, if he abuses Aqua, give her a bracelet? As it seems odd for a starter pokemon to have jewelry unless given to her by her trainer.

The other thing is; Piplup and Swablu are already small. Only a foot or so tall, each, and Swablu only wieghs 2lbs, and Piplup wieghs in at 11lbs. You could have Piplup underwieght, but I don't see how she could healthily be smaller than she already is, same for the Swablu.

And describe 'mean' abusive mean? Like, forces her to train untill she's bone tired, or forces her, and finds out, in disgust that not only does she look weak, she seemingly is weak when say, she won't battle? And does not have the heart nor patience to see that Aqua lost, not because she was weak, but because she never tried to fight?

Because just having him a meanie is cliche. You need to give good depth to pull that part off well. And also, if Mark abandons her, what other pokemon does he have? Maybe he brags to Aqua, he got something better, when he tosses her away like yesterday's garbage?
 

Ventus3

Waiting for summer
Ooh! That just gave me a good one! xD Let me edit. . .I have a good reason how she got the jewelry. . .Also, I must edit the little plot thingy. Thank you!
 

Tadashi

kiss my greens
I think it's a decent idea... somehow, Mark reminds me of Paul... yes, Paul with the Chimchar... you'd have to really develop Mark and try to make him stand apart from Paul.


Also, I forgot to mention that your Swablu's name, Celio, got me confused with the Pokemon Sealeo. I had to remind myself that I was reading about a Swablu ^^;

Just thought I'd mention that.
 
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Ventus3

Waiting for summer
Celio, I'm pretty sure it's Spanish for sky, I need to check, don't pressure the rising Spanish 3 student xD.

Edit: oh wait, you actually got me to check the spanish dictionary it said the spelling was Cielo xD I'll edit his name.
 
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